M56
Ok fella's, join me on the war against "non reply"!
April 02 2017
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think you'll need it. The sad fact is that you don't speak on behalf of most guys, and there's quite a lot who are most certainly not 'big boys' and can't handle a no without having a little tantrum. Also, to be blunt, it's not the receiver's issue that you are choosing to send more than one message if you haven't received any reply to the first one. That is purely your decision, so the money you are spending there is also your decision. Of course I'm only speaking for myself here, but I find those sort of guilt-tripping 'please reply' statements in people's profiles to be a bit of a turn off (no you're not the first person to think about including one, I've seen quite a few on here). The fact is you can't make people behave in the ways you want them to or you think they should. Should people reply? Yes, probably. Will they? Some will and some won't, the reasons why some don't reply are many and varied, and I really don't believe that including that disclaimer will do much to increase your reply rate.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why don't people read profiles in full before sending a message? I'm not saying you're guilty of this OP, but there are plenty on here to whom it does apply. My profile clearly states not to send me a message unless "you're commenting on something I said in the forums, or if your profile and message are something out of the ordinary." If someone chooses to send a message that doesn't one or the other of those criteria, then it's clear to me that the sender hasn't read my profile, and there will be no reply. It's also worth keeping in mind that no reply is a reply in itself.
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RHP User
9 years ago
The money you pay on here entitles you to send messages. It doesn't entitle you to replies. Sounds harsh but that's the reality of it. You're dealing with human beings and human beings are fickle, unpredictable (in some ways) creatures.
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RHP User
9 years ago
...but if you think for a second that anyone you send out a message to is somehow obligated to reply then you're the one that needs to re-think the strategy. What...do you think the folks that fill your letterbox daily with junk mail and a post-paid reply expect every one of the hundreds of thousands to send back a reply? If you do then contact the marketing department of any number of Australia's biggest companies and write back when your salary is in the mid six figure range before any bonuses! The women here are ladies, mothers, friends and lovers...they are not here to service your ego and consider yourself blessed if they do indeed have the time and inclination to send a note back to you. Thus endeth the sermon... CM
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RHP User
9 years ago
You're wasting your time fella, and most likely doing yourself a disservice in the process. It'll give your profile a bit of a precious vibe, which will be a turnoff for a lot of women. Spend the energy you're wasting on fighting this losing battle on giving fewer fucks about whether you get a reply or not, and you'll be a much happier man. As a person of wisdom once said "the something to something is to not try to change things you have no power over something or other." I'm paraphrasing there.
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hotdigettydam2
9 years ago
Mate, most women get dozens of messages a day on here.. Most of the women I know on here dont have the time to reply to every single message they receive - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
All good and valid points. Im not suggesting that anyone should feel obliged to do anything, nor should I be entitled to a response. Its more a question of courtesy at no cost to the person replying. Maybe I have been brought up to expect to much from people, but at the end of the day, when someone offers me something that I'm not interested in, I graciously decline with a no thank you. - as opposed to rudely ignoring them and walking away. A little bit of courtesy rarely comes at an expense. Having said that, the people who have responded are probably on the money. Ultimately its not possible to make anyone reply regardless of what we put on our profiles. Well I'll just put this down to a social experiment, leave it for a while, and report back in a few weeks if it happened to make any difference. Oh and ChasinMidnight - You seem to be assuming a particular sex. There are also Men on here who gentlemen, fathers, friends and lovers, some of which possibly don't reply to women. Incidentally, my wife and I have also had a couples profile for some years, and when messaging couples the reply rate is significantly higher. - go figure!
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LeMerovingien
9 years ago
Is that you should send messages without any expectation of a reply and be happily surprised when you do get a response. I always make sure to thank anyone that replies with a no thanks since I appreciate the fact that they did send back a message even if it's not the one I was hoping for. Also sending repeat messages (within a few days/weeks) has never worked for me, I did get a few replies that I wouldn't have otherwise got but they weren't exactly the type of reply I was looking for . Waiting a few months and sending another probably wont hurt but once again, don't expect anything to have changed. If I was thinking of contacting someone and saw they'd posted something similar to this I wouldn't be very impressed. To me it's about the attitude you're displaying and not the money but I've had people in the past wrongly assume that not having a membership meant I would be unable to afford them and to me it does sound a bit like you're complaining about the cost especially when you mention hard-earned money.
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MissRedFox
9 years ago
After I didn't respond to your first and I'll pop you on my very special block list. Actually it's probably not that special - more overcrowded. Sometimes I don't respond straight away for I might be thinking about it. Or I got an influx of messages and haven't had a chance to go through them. So sure if you want a thanks but no thanks immediately I can do that but understand it closes the door. Now considering so many men complain about wasting messages you'd think they'd be more messages containing more than - hi how are you, are you looking for fun this weekend etc especially since my profile states I won't respond to these types of messages. The guys good at this game know it's quality over quantity- honestly if you are sending great first messages you don't have to worry about sending great volumes XX - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I would not normally give an example but I have to say this one was a classic..... I was sent the following message : I'm so horny mom! I wanna a cougar to smash As classy sensual, and attractive as this message is, through years of meditation I have learnt to hold myself back and not answer these particular ones. Just saying. 🙃 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
OP you are always going to have those that see your point and those that don't. To be honest I do see your point but on the other hand I see it as pointless. I view it this way... As I have just decided to join again I send my five messages a day to women I would like to meet, granted some may seem, to quote another thread "out of my league" but hell I'm a nice guy why not. So I have now say ten to fifteen messages floating out there most sadly as you describe are looked at and unanswered and there is where I see your point it takes thirty seconds max to say no thanks when your there. Now this all depends on whether they have viewed your profile first. If they have before reading the message it would take the say thirty seconds to say thank you but no and that I find rather rude. But if reversed, women are so inundated with messages that they have to sift through and try to separate the nice and unfortunate shit a lass has to deal with. I figure if someone is going to contact me they will we all have our reasons for doing it our own way. So in finishing OP I would say relax, don't let it get to you and get with the big picture if you know what I mean. Cheers
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RHP User
9 years ago
There are past forum threads that deal with the topic of why peeps do not reply to msgs. You might want to do a search and read the posts in those threads to give you a good idea, OP. My reasons for not replying are usually because if the person had bothered to read my deliberately lengthy profile, they will know in an instant whether or not there is a modicum of compatibility or not, and sadly, they either did not even bother to read it or they are simply trigger-happy and wanting to utilise their quota of msgs. If I state that I'm not into married men, and married men write to me, why should I bother replying? They have obviously disregarded my preference. My pet peeve are msgs from men who are seeking NSA when I have explicitly stated in no uncertain terms that I am not after NSA. Some of us do have busy lives outside RHP and if our mailbox is full of msgs seeking our attention, priority of course goes to peeps who fit our preferences and those who have read our profiles and have written a thoughtful response. I do not feel obligated to respond to unsolicited msgs from people who obviously just want to nail a quick NSA f**k from whoever might be an easy target and didn't even bother reading a profile. Some of us ladies are attracted to men who use their brains more than their second brains. Maybe pitch your msgs to the right people and your chances of getting a response will be greater. Good luck!
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RHP User
9 years ago
"The war against non-reply?" Sorry I won't be joining you, I'm not an American :P (FYI about one in over 20 messages sent across various sites recieves a reply in my experience. It helps to have very low expectations, but still do try to not appear jaded, that's the turn off).
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Can't see how non replies are costing you money. You get x messages per day for your membership. Premium you get 5. Premium plus 25. Platinum 50 etc. I really have trouble getting my head around how a guy can send more than 5 messages a day to 5 women using a thought out approach. Trying to check if there is a match etc. Perhaps a more considerate approach reading profiles first, as ElkeM said, will get more replies with less messages. My male half has a male membership. He would average 6 messages a week. Would get at least 3 to 4 replies. 2 of those would be a positive response and lead to continued interaction. By reading and matching and not using the machine gun approach of blasting the targets, a sniper approach is more successful in getting your victim....Err date
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cccouple8
9 years ago
Just sent us a message and after reading your post I felt bad so I replied to him right away... nice guy he is sending me lots of gold now. thanks for the advice.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch'(FYI about one in over 20 messages sent across various sites recieves a reply in my experience. It helps to have very low expectations, but still do try to not appear jaded, that's the turn off). Um, wow. Ok maybe I've been spoiled by our couples profile, which when messaging other couples produces a far greater number of responses.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Definitely agree with Elke M. Just because your a member doesn't automatically give anyone male or female the right of reply. A message worthwhile in response costs nothing even if your just a guest. 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'artful_sinner' All good and valid points. Im not suggesting that anyone should feel obliged to do anything, nor should I be entitled to a response. Its more a question of courtesy at no cost to the person replying. Maybe I have been brought up to expect to much from people, but at the end of the day, when someone offers me something that I'm not interested in, I graciously decline with a no thank you. - as opposed to rudely ignoring them and walking away. A little bit of courtesy rarely comes at an expense. Fair enough. But if you 'offer' me something that I've already expressly said in my profile that I'm not interested in, then damn straight I'm going to ignore you and walk away. Nothing rude about it.
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sweetgem
9 years ago
Come to realise that: 1) Some of the female profiles that you see, and send messages to, are either fake or men-pretended-to-be women profiles, artful_sinner? Even if they are well written profiles. 2) Women who care to reply to all messages do get abused for saying "thanks, but no thanks"? Yep, women who care to carry the old fashioned manners do get abused verbally nastily by men who cannot take NO for an answer! I definitely did when I was active! With one even wrote back and said "don't think too high of yourself, as far as I know, a pussy is a pussy, the whole package means nothing"! This low life man said a lot more worse things to me in his reply to my reply, you can't even imagine the things that he wrote to me! So, who do you really have to blame in the end, artful_sinner, for some men's unsuccessful messaging experiences? 🙃 I know, you can argue that not all men, especially yourself, are nasty and abusive. But think it this way....provided that the women you approached (by message) are real females....do they already know you personally in order to know who you are? How can they be sure that you won't attack them when you see their replies? And most importantly, why should they risk themselves for another chance of getting attacked with nasty words (like what I encountered)? 🙃 In the future, when I come back again, I will still be polite and reply to messages, but will definitely use the BLOCK button immediately after I send the "thanks, but no thanks" reply! I don't care whether the men I say no to are nice or nasty, I just can't risk getting abused time and time again! Besides, I cannot change other people's personality and behaviour, but I can certainly change my ways of handling nasty circumstances, right? 😁😁 Please tell me artful_sinner, which is worse to you.......getting no answer is an answer, or getting blocked after receiving a reply? 😜 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
But it has fuck all to do with courtesy, that my friend is a crock of shit, it's a desperate plea for initiating conversation, throwing a crumb if you like. Let me put it to you this way, how is it any different here to RL? Someone I'm repulsed by offers me a fuck in RL, I don't feel the need to be courteous and say 'no, but thank you so much, that's so nice of you to offer' more likely I would turn my back and cross the road to avoid contact, same on here, and in both cases have given the unsaid message I'm not interested, yet they try anyway. On here, I ignore flirts unless interested, then some of them message, ignoring my lack of interest. I don't even read the flirts or messages, I look at the profile, interested/not interested, reply or not. Simple as that but this is the internet, we get hit on by a wide variety of species. I for one will only speak to those I trust or want to fuck, usually both, and I'm not apologising for not speaking to the 300kg guy up the road, stuck in his house needing a crane to remove him, the 40 yr old man still living in his Mother's basement, since he was released last time, the creepy old men in speedos at the beach with belly hanging over the front lol or just someone too old/overweight/ugly/creepy/ignorant/arrogant/rude/polite. Did you see what I did there, makes no difference if you're polite or not, you are not entitled to a response from a complete stranger who has zero interest in you. We owe you absolutely nothing. We're not paid sex workers, we're here for OUR enjoyment. There, you got a conversation out of me, happy now 😀
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RHP User
9 years ago
You got a conversation out of me, happy now 😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
Just thought I'd draw out the conversation 😉 fucked up there 😊
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RHP User
9 years ago
delivered with subtlety as always 😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'artful_sinner'Maybe I have been brought up to expect to much from people, but at the end of the day, when someone offers me something that I'm not interested in, I graciously decline with a no thank you. - as opposed to rudely ignoring them and walking away. A little bit of courtesy rarely comes at an expense. This annoys me, because I too (and many others) have been brought up the same way. BUT the assumption that every message deserves a polite reply ...nope, no way. The fact that someone sent me a message having not read my profile (or read it and chose to ignore it, because they'll be the exception cos they're just that awesome)...to me that doesn't deserve anything but a delete. To my mind, they are disrespecting or disregarding my wants, needs and freedom to choose what *I* want. And I think (and this is me assuming), if a man has just blatantly disregarded everything in my profile about what I want...pretty sure he's going to be the same, if not worse in person...so definitely not for me. So my time shouldn't have to be 'wasted' on a reply because I have manners and he has sensistive feelings that could be hurt.Also...if you're spending the money to send a message...why just one/two words? Not saying this is you OP, but in my time here a LOT of messages are just a hey or hello and nothing else.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm a paid member and I never expect a reply when I send a message. I don't even check to see if the message has been read or not. Most of the time, I don't even remember or go back and check who I've contacted. If they're interested, they'll reply, if not they won't, no courteous reply required 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
I was replying thanks but no thanks and good luck to any ( most ) that I wasn't interested in. Had lots of thanks for the reply and that's the good part. The bad part is that there are guys out there who can't handle a no and want to question me or call me names. One guy said women are all sluts just the depth that varies??? Wtf?? So now I'm more reserved about who I use my good manners on. This is now saved only for those that have spent the time to read my profile, or put effort into sending me a message that is more than hey, I'm free this weekend or as such. It also works both ways ( shockingly haha ) that I've sent a message to guys and have got no answer but I just shrug my shoulders and move on because it's all part of the internet dating profile, shit happens, build a bridge :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
i can understand the slap in the face feeling when you don't get replies, however, I agree with those who have mentioned that maybe you should lower your expectations a little. Send a message and whatever comes if it will be. If there's no reply, that's an obvious indication of no interest. As for your mention of hard earned dollars, I'd find that offputting and wonder, if we went for a coffee and, for some reason I didn't finish my coffee, would you complain about wasting money on a coffee I didn't finish? Does your membership cost you less if people reply? Why would you send another message to someone who didn't reply to the first one? Don't you feel you should speak with the majority of males in here before speaking on their behalf? Because, my experiences in here when giving a "thanks but no thanks" reply results in, 70% of the time, another message coming back to me containing insults or a debate as to why I'm wrong in not being interested. I'm not meaning to come across as rude or condescending but try to look at it this way: you've complained about not getting replied back from private messages. You've had many replies to your post in here but did you post a personal reply in here to each person who has commented? I'm interested in how this works out for you and hope you keep us updated of progress as to whether the change in your profile has increased your replies to private messages. I hope it works for you 🙂
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't have time to answer all messsges and like others have said a no reply can be an answer. My time is limited and my world does not revolve around rhp. Rhp is for fun downtime and at the moment I am enjoying watching 'the show' on here and slowly picking up the courage to enter the scene that is fascinating me. So sorry to all that I don't reply to but if I didn't get replies I would just shrug them off and think "oh well plenty of more fish" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
is actually a very clear message.
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RHP User
9 years ago
In 95% of cases if you haven't gotten a reply within 2-3 days (of your message being read, which you can easily see), it's a 'not interested'. The ratio of men/women here (and being over 40, though at least not a 'dad bod'), it didn't take long to know there'll be plenty of no replies. I've had a few 'No thanks' replies and to be honest the 'all, but certain' No reply 'No', is less ego denying then the explicit 'No', at least for me. Not that I've felt the need to go off my tree in either case. A question for the ladies, is this rudeness more likely with any particular male age range? - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
Being a member of this site entitles you to nothing really. Just like paying to go to a swingers club guarantees you nothing, besides entry into the venue. There are so many males (and we suppose "couples" too) on here who feel that because they are paid up members, that they are entitled to replies to their mismatched, unsolicited messages. And that when they don't get a positive response ( to their unsolicited message) they become nasty & disrespectful. If you are at "war", which is in itself has angry connotations, who is your perceived enemy ? The unwilling, uninterested victims of your unsolicited messages, to which you are demanding a response. The amount of abuse, back biting , back stabbing, on this site amazes us. So many people just cannot take "No" for an answer. It is much easier, calmer & safer to not reply to an unsolicited & mismatched message, than face a barrage of abuse when ones reply is not what the other party was expecting in return. We were paid up members for a few years and rarely even sent 1 message a week. We have not bothered renewing our membership. And to be honest, we feel much better about it all. We don't let the gas lighting & protecting and all the other crap get to us. Nor the people who has several different profile accounts ..... need we say more ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
Protecting should read Projecting - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
"Can I suggest It's a tricky problem isn't it, you want a guy to read your profile and compose a decent introduction and yet you reserve the right to ignore those who don't inspire your interest. I totally get why a "wanna fuck" message or one 10 years outside your preferred age range doesn't deserver a message. So how about we hit the middle ground and you only reply to the good messages, the ones that have obviously had some time put into them, are polite, but for one reason or another fall short, there won't be that many of them. Consider it a favour to other people who may find the writer attractive. I'm sure it is somewhat soul destroying replying to fuckwits and being abused, but it is also soul destroying putting in genuine effort and being totally ignored. Keep the ground fertile, you reap what you sow. Jan 17, 2017"
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks all for the responses to this post, its been enlightening to say the least. It seems clear to me that I may have grossly mis-judged the typical content and effort that many put into messages they send. I do my best to properly read a profile through, and compose a message which I hope is relevant to the individual, and is sent on the basis that I fit their criteria. Importantly, my initial message is often (but not always) an attempt to begin a mature conversation. I guess if I were receiving a lot of one or two word messages from peeps who'd not read my profile thoroughly, then I too would refrain from replying to those who hadnt made the effort themselves. ------------------- Thank you sweetgem for your exceptional response above. Reading your post certainly opens ones eyes to the other side of the coin. Further more I hadnt even considered the possibility of some profiles being fake etc.. (which is silly of me because I do know theres truth in what you say)I had never considered that some men dont take a "no" very well, or could even become abusive, and it seems my original post was far too narrow minded in assuming many men are probably like myself.To answer your question, I actually like to be blocked so that I can be certain I dont accidentally waste the persons time again in the future, though I do entirely get the point you are making. x
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' OP, I'm one of those women who will (nearly) always reply, though sometimes I wonder why I bother. My profile says I'm not looking, but I still receive messages from guys wanting to meet. Even when I was interested in meeting men, most who wrote me were be way outside of my very clear requirements. Why would I have to respond to someone who has either skipped what I had to say or deliberately ignored my preferences? And then there were those who seemed perfect on paper and wrote a lovely message rather than a "hey how r u", but where I just wasn't feeling the attraction. When I very politely declined there would suddenly be a "Screw you, bitch, you're up yourself" or "You're too old and fat for me anyway" response. Out of the blue. We cannot see which seemingly great men will accept a "No thank you" graciously, and which ones will retaliate in a nasty way. Often not replying is the safer option for those of us who've copped abuse here (which I dare say is the majority of women). Also: Asking complete strangers to conform to your wants and expectations isn't very sexy in my personal opinion. Thank you Meander. Your posts have also opened my eyes to RHP life from the opposite perspective. -----------------------------Thank you everyone.I think the collective outcome of this thread has changed my opinion on the subject.(Yes I am man enough to admit my original opinion may have been incorrect)xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
+1 to many of the above respondents. artful_sinner I see your copy and pasted line, and I'll raise you mine. Below is my standard 'thanks, no thanks'. I saved it as a template, so takes all of a couple of clicks to reply to messages. My question to you is this; what proportion of responses to it, do you think would be negative/abusive versus thankful/polite? If think that is all positive, than you're way off and therefore you may just be targeting the wrong group of people in your 'war'. "I appreciate your interest and message. I am not here to waste peoples time, so I'll be upfront and say it is a thanks, but it is a no thanks from me. I wish you well in your RHPing. :)"
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Seeing as you run a couples profile which would normally receive a fair amount of traffic from single guys, do you respond to all of them? Expecting the obvious answer but be careful, there's always someone reading who may answer that for us.....
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'PepperRose' +1 to many of the above respondents. artful_sinner I see your copy and pasted line, and I'll raise you mine. Below is my standard 'thanks, no thanks'. I saved it as a template, so takes all of a couple of clicks to reply to messages. My question to you is this; what proportion of responses to it, do you think would be negative/abusive versus thankful/polite? If think that is all positive, than you're way off and therefore you may just be targeting the wrong group of people in your 'war'. "I appreciate your interest and message. I am not here to waste peoples time, so I'll be upfront and say it is a thanks, but it is a no thanks from me. I wish you well in your RHPing. :)" Hi PepperRose. If you read above, you'll see that I have changed my opinion on this subject as a result of being enlightened by many of the responses to the original post. - Thank you everyone. To answer your question anyway, I originally would have guessed that like myself, the majority would receive it and say "thanks for the reply, and all the best in your sexy endeavours". - HOWEVER, it now seems clear to me that many women get treated badly from such a response that I cant half blame them for not wanting to reply. xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'AnnieWhichway' Seeing as you run a couples profile which would normally receive a fair amount of traffic from single guys, do you respond to all of them? Expecting the obvious answer but be careful, there's always someone reading who may answer that for us..... Hi AnnieWhichway. (Clever id BTW)!!Good question, however I dont need to be careful on this one. Our profile does not state we are looking for males, and although I didnt make it clear in the very original post, my whole gripe was based on the premise that the person sending the message had properly read the recipients profile, and fitted their criteria. Having said that, we do try to also reply to males who have composed a thoughtful message. More importantly, and as you can see above, all the wonderful enlightening responses to my post have in fact changed my opinion on the subject. I'm not fearful of learning and growing and admitting I was narrow minded in my original opinion.
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RHP User
9 years ago
By saying that 1 in 10-20 is the response rate to what you might call "unsolicited" messages, that is, someone I have had no communication with before (not that I don't match their stated criteria). I'd say 1 in 10 will reply with a "not interested" (either exactly that or the equivalent). Note I try to write individually and in detail, to someone who 'may' reply (see above), responding to their own profile, interests etc and elaborating on mine, and no pressure whatsoever. Often 2-3 paragraphs. I've actually been wondering lately if too much in a first message is a problem, maybe it looks desperate, who knows. Occasionally the "no thanks" will be accompanied by a message thanking me for my effort which is different than they usually receive (but still a no). Sometimes it's more a yes, but then no reply to a second message. Obviously if we have communicated before, via message, in person (m & g) or via forum responses, they are likely to reply. No replies are not unique to rhp. People often fail to reply on other sites where a mutual interest of sorts via mutual matching is discovered first (eg RSVP, Tinder etc). On some other sites you are more literally paying to message as opposed to paying a membership so to speak. About one in 50 messages will lead to a private one-on-one meeting (date?), even if it remains platonic, which equates to a new contact about once or twice a year depending on how enthusiastic I am about keeping up the messaging. Because I do use different sites, I can if I really try, find a few new people to message in one evening but the browsing and messages themselves do take a lot of time obviously. I do try to makes dates via real life events but I'm never been great at establishing a mutual interest in person with strangers. Random conversation is fine though :) But I've also never really had any "wingperson" to assist ;) Just to tell all you folk my (prior to rhp) life story... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think it's important to write a good profile (include what you have to offer and what you are looking for) and read others profiles to see if there is a match in age, gender, type of play, group play.. etc - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
And... once you finally get past the "not stuffing up trying to message" phase, then you may finally get to the "not stuffing up during the meeting/s" phase :P
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why? What's the point. It's still crumbs. Sorry for being blunt but do you have any idea how much time is involved in constant communicating. Even a thanks but no thanks extracts another message to thank us for replying or deliver abuse or ask why not 'I'm a big boy, I can handle it, can you tell me why you aren't attracted'. God no, I'm not good at sugar coating, why would they ask me that? 😂😂😂 but a large percentage are fake profiles anyway, some here on the forum are 😉 they might think they go unnoticed, not likely, but very few guys show themselves the way they really look, usually borrow some or all of the pictures, if they have any at all, and don't forget stalking, numerous attempts to slip through the radar, over a long period of time, years sometimes. I have a few who belong behind bars, but they also probably wrote good first messages. Should I reply to any message given when I don't know who the hell they really are? Not likely, that's a guilt trip, don't fall for it ladies. Crumbs/straws, whatever you want to call it, it's desperate and it's not up to us to pat you on the back, stroke your ego, while you're all the while continually hoping we'll stroke something else. Final key point you're overlooking, I look at the profile, and if I'm not interested, don't even read the message, if I'm not physically attracted, it stops there, good message/bad message, I wouldn't know. Why should I and what's the point? I'm not here to make friends, although I have made a few, but that's not my primary reason for being here and as others have said, I'm time poor. If I read it, what then? I then feel guilty about not replying, fuck it why should I when I don't expect that. No answer is a no, no conversation required. Time this guilt trip stopped. Nice try but it's not working on me. One word of advice I would give all men on dating sites, and in life, is don't treat women like idiots, our intuition/sixth sense, is the best in the business, we see what you try to hide, or we can pick it in a split second. We might play along until we know for sure, I quite often do, but we already know. We are very smart creatures. So the time you're spending trying to deceive or enhance yourself via deception or a sparse profile, or as is the case here, less time treating the women on here like paid sex workers, and more time working out how you can make yourself appealing. You can change it ffs this guilt trip shits me
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry for the novel, or as a sexy friend said to me, the mini series haha 😠 Most of my last comment was a general rant too, not aimed at anyone in particular
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madotara69
9 years ago
About 93ish % of the messages we receive are from men, about 3ish of those messages are interesting, mostly otherwise are on the lines of....' hi i like your profile, you look hot, do you want to catch up and see if we click ?' Fair dinkum mate, most of the blokes are shocking with their communicational attempts with some finesse of any kind to tickle our fancy, well most are not really directed to me anyhow, but Tara seems to catch their eyes, so the blokes are letting us down mate, many of them. Also, we have gone to our messages in the past when we feel toey, found messages that have been sitting there waiting a while, got a little fizz for the blokes that appealed to us, sent them a reply when the time was upon us, 'in the moment' so to speak and things have lead to playing up with them. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
There is no war. Keep your messages relevant and interesting. Not too long but not too short. Move on if you don't get a reply. Simples. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hi everyone I am a newbie only been on this site a month. It has been interesting reading all the comments. What comes to mind is an old saying that "opinions are like arseholes,everyone has one" . I am still learning the rules of engagement and I have picked up some valuable tips, and as a result I have changed my opinion somewhat, which brings to mind another saying. "When we speak we only say what we know, when we listen we have an opportunity to learn something new" What have I learned? 1. Try not to have any expectations. 2. If I feel disappointed that someone that has my pulse racing hasn't replied to my msg then that is my problem and just suck it up. We all have expectations in love,lust and life and some of us manage these better than others. I am enjoying being part of this world and I try and live by the mantra, treat others as you want to be treated. Enjoy and take care everyone.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't know where to start, so I won't bother.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have had my fair share of abuse from guys who can't take no for an answer but I don't like to tar all guys with the same brush. I don't feel that I need to reply, I do because, if it were me, I would like a reply even if it's a no thanks. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Allnightrider
9 years ago
Quoting 'tulips4u' I have had my fair share of abuse from guys who can't take no for an answer but I don't like to tar all guys with the same brush. I don't feel that I need to reply, I do because, if it were me, I would like a reply even if it's a no thanks. - Posted from rhpmobile As my old mother ( bless her soul ) used to say " do unto others as you would like to have done unto yourself ".
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RHP User
9 years ago
But I'm not looking and make that clear in my profile. When we were looking, we made our profile clear so we weren't wasting anyone's time. It took mere seconds to reply to messages with a template and score some thankful messages in reply. A few return whys got the same template, we only ever had the one. There was not a single abusive message in reply. I see threads like this and wonder how it is so different for so many.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Poor OP! I'm not putting anything at the end of my profile, it's already wordy enough and most of the chicks are only here for the dick pics. But I'm happy to pass the hat around and get you some betadine and band aids. For the claw-marks! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I agree with all points raised. However I do understand the inequality in terms of $ spent. I know my profile is ordinary and when I send msgs I don't expect a reply. However the sheer amount of bots on here has made me rethink my spend. I'm certain there are some lovely women on here; unfortunately they are one for every 10 fakes - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' delivered with subtlety as always 😉 Don't stop, please. I like your comments .
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RHP User
9 years ago
Haha you're a rare individual 😀😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
Being someone who always answers all messages whether interested or not to me a 'no replier' is just someone I write off as better off not knowing..... To me its like walking down the street.... I nod smile and wave to many people I dont know everyday, for many they reciprocate but others I guess are too good for it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm sorry (actually no im not) but I don't have the time or care factor to send "no thanks" messages to the majority of people who message me. I don't owe it to the sender, and I don't think it's rude at all, to not reply. If you are sending messages on here, expecting a reply, you'll just end up pissed off and disappointed. 90% of the messages I get are from people who I am not interested in, for various reasons. Plenty are non-matching, and those are even less likely to get a reply. They know when they send the message that they don't match what I'm looking for, so they shouldn't have wasted their time. Sometimes I'll reply so I can educate someone a little bit (what can I say? I like to help people. 😜). I will tell a guy that he needs to work on his profile, or that I'm not interested in being an enabler so he can cheat on his wife. Or I'll point out to a smoker, that as I stated in my profile, I'm not interested in smokers. I'll ask if they could take out the "ask me" parts in their profile, fill in the info and then let me know. Or say that some photos would be helpful. Or I'll tell the guys who think "hey" is a good message, that infact it isn't, and a little more effort would help his cause. 😂😜 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
They ask why not, or keep messaging me, or carry on with sending endless flirts (which is pointless because I never even look at them), or they tell me what they could do to me if I met up with them(which sometimes makes my skin crawl or a little bit of vomit come up). - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'LuvsLickinU'To me its like walking down the street.... I nod smile and wave to many people I dont know everyday, for many they reciprocate but others I guess are too good for it. - Posted from rhpmobile It's so entitled and smacks of doing something purely for your own benefit instead of others. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone might not smile and wave back at you. Maybe their mother died, maybe their dog died, maybe they've got a thousand worries in their head, maybe they just don't bloody feel like it that day. If you're expecting that every person has to conform to your expectations and validate you by responding to your unsolicited advances, and you automatically assume that if they don't then they think they're too good for you, then you're the one with the sense of superiority and negative attitude. Women in particular get fed up with being expected to smile and put on a performance for every entitled guy who thinks we owe him something, and that if we don't do it then we're a stuck up bitch. Nope, fuck that shit.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I just fell a little
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RHP User
9 years ago
100% agree with Ms_Dragon
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666_In_Disguise
9 years ago
I have mixed feelings about replying, but what gets me is the various scams around. So I don't tend to write a long message as I'm never quite sure am I talking to a scammer or a genuine person. I'm guessing the same goes for the opposite sex. Therefore the bigger question for me is how do we weed out the fake profiles???
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'ZenSeeking' Therefore the bigger question for me is how do we weed out the fake profiles??? Mmm... in my experience it's the fake profiles and/or scammers that are quite likely to reply, because their job is to scam. You can't scam people without communicating with them :P On some sites I've tried, an actual reply or communication is almost always a scammer/fake. Tinder is the worst (at least for me/men). However, this is today's (attempts at) dating, you just have to keep trying and trying until the genuine real person occasionally shows up.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'ElkeM' Quoting 'artful_sinner' All good and valid points. Im not suggesting that anyone should feel obliged to do anything, nor should I be entitled to a response. Its more a question of courtesy at no cost to the person replying. Maybe I have been brought up to expect to much from people, but at the end of the day, when someone offers me something that I'm not interested in, I graciously decline with a no thank you. - as opposed to rudely ignoring them and walking away. A little bit of courtesy rarely comes at an expense. Fair enough. But if you 'offer' me something that I've already expressly said in my profile that I'm not interested in, then damn straight I'm going to ignore you and walk away. Nothing rude about it. As Elke said.... don't offer me what I don't want and I won't offend you by ignoring you. I used to answer every single one when I was new here as I was brought up to be polite. I have been the object of nasty and sometimes vitriolic messages after a polite 'no thanks'. Blame the idiots who cannot take rejection. Now I am very clear in my profile about when I will or won't answer flirts and messages and it is that way for a reason. Even so I still get people chancing their arm and sending a flirt or a message when they don't match my criteria. It is an automatic block and delete if you don't match what I am looking for - no replies. If a guy is a paid up member and only sends a flirt - no reply either. Send a message if you think you match me. Just be prepared for the reply as it may still be a 'no'. I have the right to ignore a man in real life if he isn't for me, so why is it different online? KH
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RHP User
9 years ago
Lol most profiles are ghosts and as such ether can't type on a keyboard .
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RHP User
9 years ago
Now smiling is entitled and selfish. Ffs. I suppose if a woman smiles at me now it's because she wants her car fixed and her bins put out ? Fair dinkum this is just paranoid hateful crap !
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RHP User
9 years ago
Love the converse tacked on there 😀 So a bit off topic here, but received a message today 'would you like to let me cum in you?' Married with wife present apparently, then finished by promising he'd show me a good time? Seriously? 😏 given that you're high risk anyway, your wife likes cream pies with other men, did you really expect a response? 👎
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Lanegan' I just fell a little I hope
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Kisskiss80' I'm sorry (actually no im not) but I don't have the time or care factor to send "no thanks" messages to the majority of people who message me. I don't owe it to the sender, and I don't think it's rude at all, to not reply. If you are sending messages on here, expecting a reply, you'll just end up pissed off and disappointed. 90% of the messages I get are from people who I am not interested in, for various reasons. Plenty are non-matching, and those are even less likely to get a reply. They know when they send the message that they don't match what I'm looking for, so they shouldn't have wasted their time. Sometimes I'll reply so I can educate someone a little bit (what can I say? I like to help people. 😜). I will tell a guy that he needs to work on his profile, or that I'm not interested in being an enabler so he can cheat on his wife. Or I'll point out to a smoker, that as I stated in my profile, I'm not interested in smokers. I'll ask if they could take out the "ask me" parts in their profile, fill in the info and then let me know. Or say that some photos would be helpful. Or I'll tell the guys who think "hey" is a good message, that infact it isn't, and a little more effort would help his cause. 😂😜 - Posted from rhpmobile I've done this as well hoping that guys will take the advice and run with it....believe me most don't. Well the occasional one or two might - possibly. maybe ... I've been abused for my trouble, I've been abused for saying no thanks, I've been told that a tasteful (I think anyway) pic of my boobs in my profile made me an easy lay... so he would have a crack even when he met none of my criteria and I was polite...I've been abused for even putting the I will block you in my profile....interesting comments....Interesting bunch you blokesKH
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RHP User
9 years ago
So many men don't even bother to read profiles. I specifically state NO SMOKERS in my info, yet I get messages from smokers. The funny thing is, when I tell them no because they smoke, most say "I've just quit but haven't updated my profile!" Liar liar pants on fire! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Suggest you read my comment again and turn on those reading comprehension skills this time, instead of completely twisting what I said.
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RHP User
9 years ago
If you're not one of those guys who accosts a random woman in the street as she's walking and says to her ''Smile love! It can't be that bad! You'd be so much prettier if you smiled!'' then I wasn't referring to you. It's really not that difficult to understand.
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RHP User
9 years ago
When someone says 'Why not? When turned down I tell them, I'd rather ___ with ____ then meet you' - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
If I smile at you, how do you know what my expectations are ? Shock horror I might just be happy. A smile takes less energy than a frown and releases endorphins which actually helps make you feel better and less stressed. Hold the frown if it makes you feel empowered and wallow in your own misery, not my problem.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Once again, read my comment properly - including the original comment I quoted which it was in response to - and engage your brain. Or just keep putting your own interpretation on what I said and talking out of your arse. Not my problem.
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RHP User
9 years ago
don't presume to tell me when I should or shouldn't smile, or indeed that I need to do anything just so some random stranger can have his fragile ego validated that day. I am sick of men who perpetuate that patronising bullshit.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I totally get your objection to LuvsLickenU's original post and I don't support his attitude that he's owed a smile back. But it is just a smile. I just think your reaction to it is miserable, wreaks of victim and is over the top. Sure you can object to it in theory because he wrote it down for you.But out in the big wide world you have no idea of a strangers motive, it's just a smile ffs, where is the demand ? You concocted that. Along with "''Smile love! It can't be that bad! You'd be so much prettier if you smiled!'' " Accosted by a smile, how devastating !
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RHP User
9 years ago
Just extending this out, what are thoughts on the 'old fashioned please and thank you'? I'm not including anything gender based like holding a door or the like (so we don't get any patricial issues coming into it). I've always taken it as a please or thank you, whether it's to someone known or a stranger in a shop I may never see again, is a few seconds, no loss to me to do and may bring a brief smile to someone in the middle of a boring shift. I get the feeling from this thread some would just take it as 'give me what I payed for' and that's it 😳Am I that past it at 43? 🤔 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
May the good Lord SMITE me mightily if our paths EVER cross.. and I do not recognize in both of you, what it is I LOVE about you both on here.. and I FAIL to smile broadly at you..I TRUST you would recognize that too.. and smile back.. EVEN if you had just had a shitty day yourselves... Just saying..
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Dragon' Quoting 'Lanegan' I just fell a little I hope Me......I hope
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RHP User
9 years ago
Forum, lurker here.. Please and thank you never go astray and I do try to use my manners in all interactions. On the original topic, like many other women here, I find that polite and considerate 'no thank you' messages I send are often met with vile attacks. So whether I respond to messages from people I'm not interested in depends on my mood, the amount of time I have and usually I will only bother if the person has a profile with more than a few of their own words included. Occasionally, I give an obviously new, blank-profiled, one sentence messages a chance and try to prod them in the right direction (like this thread or a word of advice) but as often as not, I'm met with accusations of wanting "a husband not a fuck" as though more than "hey nice legs wot u doin?" is reserved for potential wives. It amazes me that someone would think that treating someone with respect has nothing to do with getting laid! I must say that now and then I'm actually thanked and they write more than a sentence, but it's a rare thing indeed. To guys who feel insulted or upset by a lack of response or a no thank you, I say keep in mind that it's not a personal attack on you, everyone has their preferences and you may not match them. Don't be offended, it can be just as frustrating for women on here as it is for men.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Depends on what you're asking when you say please 😛😜 I'm not one for formality but if you have to use manners before you take me over the bonnet of your car, so be it 😊 I'm nothing if I'm not flexible 😀
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RHP User
9 years ago
with your wife watching of course omg I'm off for a cold shower 😊
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RHP User
9 years ago
In real life, I always say please and thank you. I will always ask the person at the cash register how they are, and engage in a conversation if they want to. Hell, I'll also always give a cigarette to someone who asks me for one in the street. I generally smile at people, and will smile back at those who smile at me... as long as it's not accompanied by a demand to do so, as Ms_Dragon said. But I feel no such obligation to behave in the same way online, especially when messages are unsolicited, crude and/or barely more than four words long. I'm clear about what I'm (not) looking for in my profile. If someone can't be bothered to read it, then I can't be bothered to reply. And then there's the vitriol and unpleasantness that a politely worded 'no thanks' reply can generate. I haven't received many of those, but there have been enough to make me very wary and totally disinclined to reply if I'm not interested. It's just not worth it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
So it would appear that it is very hard to distinguish between profiles that will abuse you for a "no thanks" and those that will be genuinely thankful for at least the closure on yes or no. Is that correct? On another note, on this site, it is possible to read messages discretely (showing them as unread on my end) and view profiles invisibly. So I send a message, and from what I can see, the message has apparently not been read and viewing of my profile showing. Am I really supposed to take that as the equivalent of a "sorry I'm not interested"? How can I distinguish these messages from others that have simply just been lost in the queue/numbers? Like when I might be shopping for something, it's like me dialing a shop number, not reaching anyone or even a messagebank, and taking that as an official "sorry we can't provide what you are looking for here". It could be just that no one even heard the phone... :P
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RHP User
9 years ago
typo... the message has apparently not been read and no viewing of my profile showing...
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CanUKeepASecret
9 years ago
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RHP User
9 years ago
The passive aggressive little digs posted on other topics are a bit childish as well. I'll leave you to it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes, that's correct. You just can't tell. Even a really nice, polite first message and a decent profile is no guarantee that you won't receive a slap back if you respond in the negative. You raise a good point about reading messages and viewing profiles in stealth mode. I view in stealth mode, and won't change that. But I do read my messages in non-stealth (??) mode, so that the sender knows it's been read, and in the hope that it won't generate a follow up message because the sender thinks I haven't seen their first one. Gawd, wish it didn't have to be so complicated lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't do digs, passive aggressive or otherwise, so stop making shit up and throwing it at me. I actually don't give a shit about some meet organisers choice of words, let alone spend time pulling it apart and pissing on it. My comment is confined to that thread and that thread alone. Over it and out.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'ElkeM' Yes, that's correct. You just can't tell. Even a really nice, polite first message and a decent profile is no guarantee that you won't receive a slap back if you respond in the negative. You raise a good point about reading messages and viewing profiles in stealth mode. I view in stealth mode, and won't change that. But I do read my messages in non-stealth (??) mode, so that the sender knows it's been read, and in the hope that it won't generate a follow up message because the sender thinks I haven't seen their first one. Gawd, wish it didn't have to be so complicated lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
No it doesn't take much to say no thank you, and it doesn't take much for them to then sling abuse and tell me I'm a desperate old cougar and they can do better than me anyway. I once messaged a guy who had posted on the forum, was in a dark place, thought I'd offer friendship and support. The response was so shocking and hurtful, I vowed and declared I'd never do that again. You are free to approach however you like, and we are free to not reply given the hurtful abuse that can be fired back. Some don't take rejection well 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
offers of support clearly 😕
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RHP User
9 years ago
Like Elke, I view profiles in stealth, and I'm sorry to say, if the person/profile doesn't interest me, I rarely read the message anymore. I have snuck in to check out a few messages lately and I've had some doozies 😃 one from another state went into this speil about what he'd like to do to me, then right at the bottom of the message, 'so if you friend me......'. I checked and sure enough there was a friend request, having never spoken to him before. Yeah nah 😇
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RHP User
9 years ago
There'd certainly be please and Thank you! I'd hazard a lot more Yes, yes, YES! though 😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Suggest you read all the comments in this thread... some great insights into why some women (myself included) don't reply to all the messages they receive. Even the OP acknowledged that he's changed his opinion based on what was said.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sadly in pains me to read women being abused after a No thank not Intrested message. Uncalled for and unnecessary. Just an idea and a crazy one.lol Wouldn't it be nice if only women could send the first messages ? At least you know they re Intrested and they wouldn't be bombarded with messages. Just a thought. 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
You do come of a lil harsh with saying as a paying member as I agree it not an entitlement that sending a mail guarantees a response as like many here I do get lots of mails and overlook it due to busy schedules in our personal life but I do try (when possible) to reply with a short sorry not interested and wish them well. If they write a nice long mail and yet I don't feel we are compatible I do mention the reasons at times be it 'too young or too matured in age or perhaps due to preference since I'm attached and their profile shows looking for singles' to inform them as I wouldn't want to leave someone hanging but if you send me a random 'do you wanna fuck now' it might cause me not to even bother to response as it shows how much of thought you too into writing to me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes, yes, Oh God yes please 😂😂😂 new flirt reply with manners? 😇
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RHP User
9 years ago
An abusive message in return is simply a validation of your original rejection. Proof you made the right call first up. Smile and say to yourself "told you so " This should not be interpreted to mean I support abusive messaging.
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