M56
Ok fella's, join me on the war against "non reply"!
April 02 2017
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Meander' And then there were those who seemed perfect on paper and wrote a lovely message rather than a "hey how r u", but where I just wasn't feeling the attraction. When I very politely declined there would suddenly be a "Screw you, bitch, you're up yourself" or "You're too old and fat for me anyway" response. Out of the blue. We cannot see which seemingly great men will accept a "No thank you" graciously, and which ones will retaliate in a nasty way. These are actual responses I've received from men with great profiles. And that Meander is why I question the usefulness of coaching people to write better profiles and messages ! I know some people need genuine help but perhaps it's a fools paradise ?
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RHP User
9 years ago
There were some unread flirts earlier, for my favourite Western Australian. Well the only person I know in WA to any degree, but still 😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Meander' And then there were those who seemed perfect on paper and wrote a lovely message rather than a "hey how r u", but where I just wasn't feeling the attraction. When I very politely declined there would suddenly be a "Screw you, bitch, you're up yourself.." These are actual responses I've received from men with great profiles. If you were a chocolate bar, you'd be a Caramello Koala..
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RHP User
9 years ago
I eat Freddo heads. What does that say about me? No don't answer that 😕 Damn they're good though 😛
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RHP User
9 years ago
talking to myself here but I'll carry on 😀 I do use my manners sometimes when replying to a message in the affirmative, 2 words only in the message 'Yes please'. So don't be telling me I'm not polite and courteous 😇
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RHP User
9 years ago
I've forgotten what this thread was about now, I'm just wanting chocolate. With or without looking at the ingredients. 😜 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I do try to reply to all messages but I have work and kids and only limited time to send replies....or even look at all profiles and I never personally reply to flirts I have a group reply set up....most women get over 100 message and flirts a day here in lies our delema can't possible met and or reply to all... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I get it, but words on a screen are not the same as physical assault. If your going to be the victim then they win, fuck that.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have never abused (in any way) anyone for rejecting me, in person or online. So ladies, feel free to officially reject me in a reply any time :P
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RHP User
9 years ago
You've obviously never messaged me because i reply to every single message i get. It's time consuming but polite in my opinion.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Stick and stones, and all that? I think words can cut just as deep personally. But I'm just a Caramello Koala. "Just..?"Firm on the outside, soft in the centre...and oh sooo kooooool...
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RHP User
9 years ago
...I don't have anything new to add to this other than what I've believed for a long time. Expectation is the mother of unhappiness. One of them, anyway.When your expectations are not met, your not going to be happy about it. Unless you expect a bad result, I suppose..
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RHP User
9 years ago
I only message those when I meet their criteria, in the written profile part or otherwise (with a small year variation on their age range perhaps). As an example, as you mention limited time and therefor a preference for someone local, I doubt my chances. Although I have talked Meet & Greets and other non-"hitting-them-up" subjects with others outside potential matches, including those with interstaters (even though they may or may not be interested in more if they were local or in Melbourne). I do get replies when the intent and only likelihood is a platonic friendship, sometimes elaborating on forum comments etc. Such friendships are obviously wonderful, however... :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
If I doubt my chances of even a reply regarding not matching a woman's criteria, while obviously NOT messaging will get me nowhere, I'm not going to add to the excessive list of messages from men who do not match, regardless of what qualities I may think I have that might make me worthy of other consideration (which again would be thought by everyone else). - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Today received a message from a man who I hadn't replied to, but had continued to send messages, 6 at last count, and flirts before that. One restricted main picture, assuming a dick pic, others in pg chopped off head shots, stubble and dirty looking, not remotely attracted and he is getting back what he puts out, so no guilt here over not replying. But today I get a message saying 'Why so snobby?' That right there made my hair stand up, breathing restricted. It's fear that sets in, a prelude to what's to come, abuse, but highlights how men feel entitled to get a reply. No-one is entitled to a reply and the sooner they stop treating us like free hookers, the better. So I won't be replying if I'm not interested, regardless of how well thought out the message is. No reply is a reply and they need to respect that
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RHP User
9 years ago
agree with Meander, keep the link and use this topic for reference 👍
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RHP User
9 years ago
One thing that's annoying on the Mobile version is no easy way to see your messages have been read. It's not an excuse for the spammers, but it's a pain to have to log into the desktop version on my phone, if I want to see if a message has been read. An additional notification option for when a message has been read could also help there. Though RHP should look at their model on charging men and women the same. Any initial grumblings aside, having the ladies paying a lot less to be full Members, compared to couples and ladies, would help alleviate the male / female ratio (at least amongst full members). There's no excuse for dicks being dicks, but there'd be a lot less being dicks if the ratios were closer. And the ladies wouldn't be so inundated with messages. RHP not being business savvy IMO. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Ladies paying less then couples and men that should read. Here's another one for RHP - let us edit our damn posts, instead of having to add a clarifying post each time! - Posted from rhpmobile
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boobsandbusted
9 years ago
Written can be equally as cutting if not more so to some as physical ,or verbal ,it just depends on their history and their journey through life .no one knows how that journey was travelled and should just remain courteous at all time sending or receiving messages ,sometime no reply is as courteous as it gets,because the sendee ,doesn't want to upset the senders day ,and that not a bad thing ,I s actuslly quite considerate , I touch ,I'm starting to sense you are turning for couples ,ohh god ,another thing to get you pulsating ,go you good thing ,lol.,and you have always been polite and straight with us ,fwiw - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I now know how to read messages incognito, bit slow on the update, but I finally figured it out. Although I'm happy for established friends to see when a message has been read, I don't like others knowing I've read their messages. I find that adds pressure to have to reply, through guilt, and I hate that. Other sites I'm on/have been on, don't show it and I don't think they should here. It also puts pressure on to have to reply straight away, for fear of offending a friend even, when you might be too tired or time poor to respond properly. Re what different genders pay, I'm on a cougar site where I don't have to pay, but that site has unfortunately been a dead loss. If we think they're looking for free hookers here, it's way worse on there, and heaps more fakes, old men staging as young, others with no pictures, guys who aren't usually interested in older women, just desperate for a root lol I check it about once every 6 months now and haven't met one guy from that site. So free membership isn't the answer, I think the answer is being more stringent/tough on fake profiles/stolen pictures/lying about age, anyone found to be doing this should be banned from the site, men and women. Anyway, my little rant 😀 Boobs_is_Bust - I never rule out couples, but recently had a few smoking hot couples present themselves to me, and I surprised myself by turning them down. I've come to realize I don't want a partner present, though I remain open to mixed gender singles 😊
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RHP User
9 years ago
lol Boobs_is_Bust haha 😂😂😂 sorry, on the phone and all thumbs 😊
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Stick and stones, and all that? I think words can cut just as deep personally. But I'm just a Caramello Koala. And I'm a fruit loop. etc etc I think the attitude of being mindful about how what we say and do can hurt deeply even if we can't see it, could go a long way. Including in the forum. It is known now that mental pain can manifest physically in the short and long term. That attitude leads to being respectful of respectful approaches via message and doing the right thing by replying to them or including a mention in your profile that you won't neccessarily reply. To me it's about manners, using those magic words (please and thank you) we teach our kids about, and letting people know where they stand. If they complain after that, and I haven't had any complaints... I can be free of conscience knowing I did my best to, 'do unto others as I would have them do unto me' Matthew 7:12 (as quoted earlier in the thread). There are versions of the golden rule across many creeds.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Let's not quote the bible jeez not here, I expect I'll burn in hell 😈
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RHP User
9 years ago
I got the exact same second message yesterday from a dude. Different dude (I think?), because this one had no pictures and a plethora of 'asks me's'. And I had the same physical reaction as you 😕 He did a get a response though... words to the effect of 'read my profile' but less polite than that. He also got blocked as soon as I'd sent my reply.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Guilt about not replying? I would assume that would only be the case when the original message is a nice, well thought out message, but not with the majority of no-effort messages...
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RHP User
9 years ago
I always wonder why we are allowed to change our age on our profiles. It's not like it ever changes. And I do think a few changes and extra effort could help a LOT but the site seems to be more aimed at upping the amount of traffic to the site rather than what the vocal minority have to say about making it a better and safer place to be. I know you're not talking to me Countrytouch, but what you said tied into something that has been on my mind today, about the cycle on here where people are ignored because their email isn't up to snuff (for whatever reason, one is that people tend to assume the sender is lazy or something along those lines) and how that then creates frustration for the person (who might simply have dyslexia) who probably gets a lot of this and then sometime in the future they will lose their shit at some poor innocent woman/couple who actually take the time to say no. And then those people decide they don't want to answer messages anymore because of the hassles. and so on... I know I live in an Idealistic World, lol.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I feel that guilt all the time, knowing men, regardless of the quality of their first message, are all wanting a reply. That's a lot of pressure. Also remember for those of us with precious little time, to meet people I mean, the communication needs to be focused on those we do want to meet. When I first joined the site, I was so overwhelmed, but didn't want to be rude, so started with thanks but no thanks messages, then more would come in, hundreds a day, but look, the pressure is there and can I remind the decent guys/non fakes, that a high percentage of profiles are faked in one way or another. I have no intention of being courteous to every 'profile' on here , and I'm not apologizing to anyone for that. Country touch, you are a trusted person here and I would reply to you, of course, but I could seriously write a book about my time here, some shady characters, some complete A/holes, some criminals, many stalkers, this is the internet. Sorry but although I appreciate how you feel, they're not all like you, not always obvious on the face of it either 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
My comment was in response to country touch. Just reading yours now peachy 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes that's a really good point, it can be caused by the cycle of events. My main issue is that I've had entire fake profiles created just to try to get to me, I'm recognised in public sometimes, we all have disgusting creepy neighbours etc., are we supposed to talk to those people when they've deceived, sleezed their way in with this fake profile? They could be sitting in jail, stealing pictures and sending nice messages. I think people are naive, too trusting. I used to be, but got caught and never again. Others can do what they wish, not me 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Sailbadthesinner' I get it, but words on a screen are not the same as physical assault. If your going to be the victim then they win, fuck that.You reminded me of this quote Mr Sinner. "Words cast spells. That's why it's called spelling."
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RHP User
9 years ago
from a professionally employed 45 year old single male, after I politely declined his offer to blow him after he sent me a message full of his "erotic" writings. Normally I wouldn't share word for word, but I think this is relevant to the topic. "Never poke the bear, but you DID!!! All you had to do was not reply to me so here's my personal reply to you !!! That's all the world needs, another fucken bleeding heart to tell the world I SURVIVED cancer!!!'. Well hooray fuck you sympathy, hypocritical whining bitch, what about me piece of shit who thinks the world owes her something and should be congratulated and treated better with eternal reminders of how great it is you SURVIVED!!! WELL I COULD'NT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOU AND HOW FAT YOU WERE; AND PROBABLY STILL ARE!!! Fuck me, the only way you lost weight is because of that...Fucken HOPELESS YOU ARE!!! Is that personal enough??? Now FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'" I reported him and was told by admin that he had been warned. His profile is still here and active and that in itself is scary for me. Yes these people walk among us They are our neighbours, work colleagues, friends, brothers, mates, gym buddies. They are out there and they are angry and bitter. So OP when a female politely replies to a message stating that she isn't interested, this is only one example of the abuse she opens herself up to as a female. I'm not saying women aren't verbally abusive but I can only write from my experience and my experience has only been to receive abuse from men who I have rejected for whatever reason. Oh and that message , it devastated me, completely devastated me, it had it desired effect. His mother must be so proud
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why just that response only justify a warning? Caught in real life, such behaviour can get one fired, thrown in a lock house, banned permanently from sporting venues etc etc depending on the location. Probably because such men still bring in lots of $$$$. Just sayin'... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
There is the technology to ban people permanently, based on IP, matching profile contents etc. (although you can get around the IP thing with some effort). Because even people who suffer the WORST possible punishment - getting their profile removed - just create another one. Although with all the fake profiles on this and many sites, policing the quality of members is a very low priority... (I'm sorry rhp for being critical, as a friend got banned from the forums for being similarly critical of the site, but a warning is just pathetic. What would the response be if such a similar abusive message as posted above was sent aimed at rhp staff perhaps?) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
So sorry you received such a message Kitty full of such a ridiculously hateful and disgusting message. These are the complete pieces of shit that need to be eradicated from this site. Admin need to just rid the place of assholes like that. You be strong girl just like the woman you describe in your profile. On another site last night that I use for chatting and sent a message to a (well lets not bother calling her a lady) Her reply after a nice message. Go and have a wash ya grot. Probably the first time I was tempted to send a derogatory reply to a woman. She was going to cop, watch that ugly stick cause you have had the shit smacked out of you already. The part of me that was extremely offended was trying to type and the gentleman in me was stopping me.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
A shocking experience. Scary thing is if that was a response after rejecting a written approach, one can shudder at the thought of rejection in a Meetup situation, even worse at a private one. Makes it embarrassing enough being half male. I can only imagine how embarrassed I'd feel if l was a normal male. (Shudders........)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Oh my gosh! That response you received is so criminal, it's shocking that all he got was a slap on the wrist! It's disgusting how someone can get away with such a blatant disregard for others just because he couldn't have his way with them. This is a huge red flag on the volatile nature of this narcissistic cad. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Put it behind you and only allow positive people and vibes into your life. You are beautiful and I hope you'll attract more goodwill and fun into your life. :) I visualise toxic people as huge, black, greasy, grimy slimeballs... yucks! :P Don't want to go anywhere near them!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' I now know how to read messages incognito, bit slow on the update, but I finally figured it out. I'm surprised at how many people on here don't realise that you can read messages without them showing as being read to the person who sent them. Same with the option in the settings to turn off profile view notifications. I said no thankyou the other day to a guy I know for a fact has been on RHP for a few years, and received a snippy reply about how I hadn't even looked at his profile (or read his many validations). I set him straight on the fact that you can view profiles without the viewee being notified, and also that I didn't give two shits about his validations (no I didn't word it like that in the message, I remained polite, although I have no problem blasting someone if they really deserve it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Cheers for that info I figured there is probably some way to do so but wasn't sure. Not a bad thing for the women considering the shit they can cop. But bad for me as I figured my messages haven't been viewed . Now I know what you women are up to
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Onlywantone' The part of me that was extremely offended was trying to type and the gentleman in me was stopping me. Definition of stress: when the mind overrides the body's desire to choke the living crap out of someone who desperately deserves it. There are questions about whether various forms of abuse (eg road rage and abusive responses/comments, online bullying etc) are naturally violent/aggressive people, and/or regular people who have snapped due to something being the straw that breaks the camels back, or people unneccesarily influenced by their peers and lack of education in how to behave (or how not to). In the case of road rage, studies seem to suggest the first one mainly, so as far as the abusive messages goes, it is much safer and more realistic to assume he is also such a dangerous asshole in real life. However personally, while I have never overly "snapped" at anyone, I have come close, like in Onlywantone's post I quoted. As for message responses, it can get to you over the course of years, spending such years trying to communicate and potentially date seeking at least basic companionship, and during such time you come across profiles that describe exactly who you are looking for, and their profile describes yourself perfectly in who they are looking for, and you think: Wow! This is a match made in heaven! I have to contact her, I am exactly what she is seeking, and my profile reflects it, she is bound to reply... and after a lovely, thoughtful message sent the return response is "sorry you're not my type". The calm, rational part of me is saying, "that's ok, she's free to make her own decisions for her life" (which friends will try to explain to me as it being her loss, not mine, there's more fish in the sea), yet the emotional pot is being thoroughly stirred...
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RHP User
9 years ago
And while this is happening, another helpful friend asks "but you are a great guy, why are you still single, you must be doing something wrong"... etc </end of rant>
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't know how to read messages unseen, from the contributors above its plain to see why you might do that, I just don't see it as helpful, is ramping up the frustration a solution ? I don't think so. I think it's a lot sly and a bit nasty. But then I'm not on the receiving end. What a mess. 😢
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RHP User
9 years ago
fellow forumnites for your supportive posts Like all the ladies on here, I've copped my fair share of abuse for saying thankyou but no, and most of the replies back are pitifully sad when you analysze them but you just block, ignore, and move on, but for me, that message was so personal, so nasty and also obvious that he hadn't actually read my profile properly, but that's beside the point. What upset me most, apart from the viciousness of the content, was this person lives in my city. Someone works with him, plays sport with him, drinks with him and he has a mother, maybe a sister, female friends and perhaps female colleagues and this is how he views females and whose to know what any of these females are enduring quietly. This sad view of females where today we are doing all we can to combat domestic violence. I shutter to think what he must be like as a brother, father, boyfriend, mate, colleague. His wording did upset me as it was designed to do, but what concerns me is exactly as Annie stated. Imagine rejecting this guy at a actual meet or god forbid, later on in private. That really worries me, yet to read his profile, he comes across as many do, a nice articulate guy. So warning Will Robinson. On the upside, I've received plenty of lovely messages from men who have just dropped by to say Hi and share that a family member or friend has also endured what I have been through, to tell me of their triumphs or to empathise with my situation. They are not necessarily interested in meeting which is fine, but messaged to offer support, so for all the nastiness out in cyberland, the loveliness of others, outweighs. One guy who contacted me was personal trainer who offered me free advice on how to slowly get back into exercising after being sick. He is now my PT and we have a wonderful professional relationship. I hate him with a passion and I pay for the pleasure of his abuse. Four days a week he owns my body and I curse him 7 days a week as I come to grips with my new found aches and pain. As for my nasty message, well it does still hurt me but I turned it around. I printed it out and laminated it then popped it up on my fridge for those days when I'm tempted to give into the "cant be fuckeds" alongside a old pre c pic of the me. I must admit it has stopped me, munching or wineing out on those shit days, so thanks profile ******. I'll be thinner one day and loved again but you will still be the sad pathetic lonely man that you are now. I win And OP I hope now you can see why us women don't feel the overwhelming need to reply. You did naively open Pandora's box but it has lead to some interesting insights so its turned into a thought provoking thread.
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RHP User
9 years ago
And I often wonder what's going on in their lives (or not going on) to make them so bitter and sour. To take your emotions out on a total stranger without either having the self control or forethought of the consequences. I've received some messages throwing sand after I've rejected someone, but never to the extent of the replies some women have gotten here. I reply to some but not all. I've had more of an issue with replying and then being begged and hounded repeatedly after rejecting men than with being abused. At first I would put up with it, but six months later I was still getting messages from some of them. Now I will block if that type of behaviour starts. No means no, it's not a hard one to figure out.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I couldn't care less if i received no relpy....end of the day this is a virtual medium...and you dont personally know the people, so why worry about the reply...im not offended by it...
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RHP User
9 years ago
At the risk of pissing off a whole pile of forumites... I call BS. It appears that blocking glitch you encountered with Meander early on after your arrival in the forum has spread to me. And I do question when newcummers to the forum block fellow forumites off the cuff. It looks like they have something to hide. You remind me of a woman who has a thing for dancer names that caused a lot of trouble on the site in the past with the lies they'd post in the forums and tell people in messages about their poor health to gain sympathy. I'd like to be wrong, really I would, but I don't think I am.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' Yes that's a really good point, it can be caused by the cycle of events. My main issue is that I've had entire fake profiles created just to try to get to me, I'm recognised in public sometimes, we all have disgusting creepy neighbours etc., are we supposed to talk to those people when they've deceived, sleezed their way in with this fake profile? They could be sitting in jail, stealing pictures and sending nice messages. I think people are naive, too trusting. I used to be, but got caught and never again. Others can do what they wish, not me 😃 But no, I'm not suggesting anything like you are suggesting with this post, what you are talking about is a whole different thing. I AM suggesting there are various ways to deal with the 'no reply' issue but it's up to the individual to make that effort. And I don't have the problems so many people mention so I am more than happy with no complaints.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
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RHP User
9 years ago
The way I see it like you. One has to protect their, shall we say self dignity and so I say their loss. But I also see it differently maybe because I am very sapiosexual. Someone could be the most stunning woman I have ever seen but if she can't string two words together and an intelligent conversation is not going to happen. I ain't going there. So when I see that perfect match I jump on it but the words sorry not your type are probably referring to my physique or looks which as a lover of minds makes no sense to me. In fact I struggle on these particular sites eg: Relationships through to plain old sexual encounter sites, that the attraction of body and looks is so common and very much needed by, dare I say the majority.
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RHP User
9 years ago
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RHP User
9 years ago
😁
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Sailbadthesinner' I don't know how to read messages unseen, from the contributors above its plain to see why you might do that, I just don't see it as helpful, is ramping up the frustration a solution ? I don't think so. I think it's a lot sly and a bit nasty. But then I'm not on the receiving end. You see why a lot of women do it, but still feel the need to call us sly and nasty. I'll do whatever I have to in order to minimise my chances of being abused and harassed on here. That takes priority over some guy's want to know whether I've read his messages, or whether I've viewed his profile, or to receive a response. That's how it is and I am not going to feel guilty about it, or apologise for it. Perhaps the men who still have a problem with this should direct a bit more of their energy at calling out the dickheads who make women so wary on here, rather than regularly expressing bitterness towards the women.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wonder why someone takes two days? I give the extremely rare dating app "match" a good month to reply! After which I send a follow up query, and some more time. But I'm nothing if not patient... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes I've taken those particular quotes from this page because I can see them to make sure I am accurate in quoting, please don't take it personally... it is an ongoing thing and I really have to say... Y'all don't speak for me. So can you please stop making all encompassing statements that include all women etc. It gives a misleading impression that I don't agree with at all. No offence intended at all but I do hate the impression that there is only one answer when in fact there are many. We have seen on this thread several comments by different women about how comfortable they feel saying no and how well that has worked out for them. There are different experiences for different people which I can and do respect, but I don't like seeing men taken to task on this sort of thread because they want replies. I like to reward good behaviour. Just my opinion of course... Good Friday to you all.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' 😁
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RHP User
9 years ago
you don't like seeing men taken to task yet that's our experience and resulting refusal to be pressured in any way, including replying to messages. You should respect our choices, the same way we do yours, that's the whole point, without pressure. Also remember you're not a single woman, you have a partner to protect you, so don't be criticizing women for their person choice how to proceed on sites such as this. I don't like being preached to. You do what you like and post YOUR opinion about YOUR message replies, as we have about our own but why the need to attack us, instead of just doing that?
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RHP User
9 years ago
At the end of the day. The ladies and probably couples get hammered with emails and flirts. Yes I'd like a reply, but people have lives outside of here I imagine. So you will slip through the cracks at times. My partner Chicken Lilly missed my email originally. But I got to meet her at a party. Now 4 months on I couldn't be happier. So good luck all you horny peeps. We hope to bang soon. 😆😆😆 - Posted from rhpmobile
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MissBishere
9 years ago
I'm just a slack arse
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think it would be nice if the op popped back in to see us 😀 this has ended up being a really good topic, lots of varying opinions. You handled the topic and opinions, really well, nice one, come say hi 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Meander's comment about the 'not sure' replies, or ones where I might want to move forward, are more time consuming and those replies I don't want to rush. Sometimes when I have precious little time, I put them in the too hard basket, perhaps because I don't entirely trust the pictures or for whatever reason, I need more time when I'm not distracted, to reply properly and give that person the time needed. So templates suit the no thanks replies, time or lack thereof, unfortunately dictates whether or not I reply to the others 😃
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2'you don't like seeing men taken to task yet that's our experience and resulting refusal to be pressured in any way, including replying to messages. You should respect our choices, the same way we do yours, that's the whole point, without pressure. Also remember you're not a single woman, you have a partner to protect you, so don't be criticizing women for their person choice how to proceed on sites such as this. I don't like being preached to. You do what you like and post YOUR opinion about YOUR message replies, as we have about our own but why the need to attack us, instead of just doing that?Where to start... This topic is Not just about women (single or otherwise) but about a man wanting to receive replies to his messages. Artful_Sinner did also include a template in his OP for women and men if they felt not getting replies was a problem. Beside that, I have had a female profile over a period of many years and had no problem there either. I believe in sending clear messages that has everyone standing on common ground and that has worked for me. But let's look more about how topics so often become about 'the women'. A man asks a question a bit further back in the thread about if it's sly behaviour to read messages unseen. Immediately that is taken as an attack on women. The guys who agree they don't need replies go uncommented on and unliked. I Have posted my opinion about my message replies several times, that is what my whole premise is based on. AND, I AM approaching the thread from my POV. No one has to like it. Luckily, lolol. And seriously? Attacking women... NO! I am attacking the reasoning that there are so many excuses for (in particular) women not replying (in particular) to men and we should just accept that. Really, is that the best we can do? DISCLAIMER: I do realise there are some very good reasons not to reply to men but take that as common sense and that I don't have to spell it out. Harking back to physical pain mentioned earlier in the thread, I'm feeling a bit sick in the stomach and will do us all a favour by f*cking off. PS: Touch, it's probably Easter that has my mind moving in a place where there are many admirable traits to be grateful for from My Own experiences. There is no Hell, that and most of what we know these days comes from the mouth of man and the manipulation of His word (lol, funny story, I started printing in capitals when I was younger so I'd never have to remember to capitalise Jesus' name; in all it's variations), the Catholics in particular who I have scant regard for before someone arcs up over my religious preferences. xox
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RHP User
9 years ago
another key thing you highlighted there, well 2 things actually. People do have lives off here, but slipping through the cracks omg yes I've lost quite a few that way, comedy of errors, busy, distracted, timing can be a bitch. Good point, and glad you had a positive result. Maybe others can comment on communications that started off shaky, but got there in the end 👍
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RHP User
9 years ago
All good 😀
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RHP User
9 years ago
Regardless of the rational and I would say coercion, you need not reply, return a smile, answer the phone or door. It is your own business how you behave, unless it's intention is harmful. It is not my or anyone else's job to soothe another's insecurities. Those supporting these ideals need understand the nature of expectation. To cloak your demand as "good manners" is vulgar. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yep I can understand the feeling of not getting many replies and if I were to send a ' hello, how are you' or a 'wanna root' type message I wouldn't expect a reply. But... If someone sends a polite msg or a msg showing that a profile has been read then I believe it at least deserves a 'thanks but no thanks' type reply.. That's just me though. In saying that if a lady is receiving tons of Msgs it is understandable that they wouldn't reply to any bar the ones that they are interested in. You just have to stick with it and not let it get to you I guess.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
The message Kitty received was so very harsh it got me to thinking. I wonder if there are both men and women here that have just plain hatred for the opposite sex from something extremely evil in their past and just lurk here to abuse. The human psyche is very interesting and can be so very fragile in some. People are all so different on so many levels and in here we find just that.
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RHP User
9 years ago
shit I did it again 😀 bugger My resolve for Easter is to scour through my messages and tidy it up, find lost sex 😜
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RHP User
9 years ago
Many women receive so many messages that it is inconceivable to answer them all. Thats not bragging, its reality. I used to answer all mine and i found myself apologising for the delay in that reply. But, honestly. i do not live my life on a keyboard and so it became impossible.My profile now states an open apology if i dont reply. Dont take it personally, just like i dont if i do respond to a message and get no response back. Life goes on.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I can imagine the torrent of inquiries directed toward you is massive, and I applaud your kind attitude. There are some insisting you reply, the threat being you're "bad mannered" if you don't.....surely a demand for your attention is boorish. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Now (when I'm actively looking), I get about 5 flirts and 2 messages daily on average. I had wondered if it must just be me that only gets a few odd messages here and there! I don't need or want 100's, but couldn't help wondering what these other women must have to attract THAT many messages that I don't?! lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
"Now (when I'm actively looking), I get about 5 flirts and 2 messages daily on average." . Perhaps you and Eiliethiya should revisit the thread out of my league. Both beautiful, intelligent and much to say that is strong and assertive. . Scary as hell to some lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
50 plus flirts and messages a day?....i thought i was doing well with around 3 to 5 messages a day and a few flirts lol...but seriously those are pretty impressive stats girl...i dont think your appearance has anything to do with the slowing down of attention, i think most guys have had there fun and probably get off here and look at finding someone to settle down with...but i could be wrong, just my theory anyway.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I just checked back.....from my quick browse the most I've received on one day is 23 messages and about 76 flirts. But that was using a very suggestive picture ;) I'm averaging about 5-6 messages per day at the moment (don't know about flirts because I'm not checking them) That is with my profile saying I'm having a break which would make you think I'd get more normally. But that only happens when I put a face pic up like now. I would average that being active normally with a body shot up (my boobs and butt attract less than my face). I don't know whether being married gets me more or less and I don't really think about it. And some days it would be 1 or 2 and a couple of flirts only. But yeh - 100 plus a day, that's nuts!!!! Speaking of I might change my pic to my butt too, slow down the action ;)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Most I have received in one day is one, same for the week, 4 for the month. Messages and flirts.And no that is not a complaint, it just is, for perspective. I'm sure the younger ripped guys do way more betterer.
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RHP User
9 years ago
In my experience, what I'm looking for in my profile, directly correlates to how many messages and flirts I get. When I changed my profile to say I wanted ongoing connections, it died in the arse 😀 But when it was a basic request for sexual hookups, all in the wording, it did get busy, holidays in particular. More time on their hands? You do wonder how many married men tell their wives they're going to Bunnings and to run a few other 'errands' when in fact it's their own tool looking for action 😂😂😂 Mine is actually too slow now, considering changing it back. No sex makes I_touch grumpy 😞
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RHP User
9 years ago
Remind me ...Why are we at war? I think that replies are great, and no reply is ..... kind of a reply, but just not the one you want. Once you hit the send button your message is only going to have the desired impact if you have put adequate thought and effort into it. You cannot expect the world owes you a reply simply because you have sent a message, not everything that goes up must come down in RHP-land Kind R Aa xxxxx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Sailbadthesinner' I get it, but words on a screen are not the same as physical assault. If your going to be the victim then they win, fuck that. I've been thinking and while I don't agree about the effect of words Sailbad, I do agree about choosing to be the victim, and that is what you are when you let fear of reprisal become your basis in choosing how to behave. IMO, Peachy
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markgreggson
9 years ago
I'm totally understanding of a no reply. If I've sent a message and noticed they have viewed my profile and no message so be it. The polite reply of thanks but no thanks I tend to reply with a thank you for the reply and good luck. It can become a little confusing when multiple views of my profile continue after the no reply. Understanding if private access to albums but generally remove that permission after a time. I endeavour to reply to all but totally understand I'm most definitely not being inundated as most couples and single women would be. Mark
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Sailbadthesinner' I get it, but words on a screen are not the same as physical assault. If your going to be the victim then they win, fuck that.Quoting 'PeachyPearL'Quoting 'Meander' Stick and stones, and all that? I think words can cut just as deep personally. But I'm just a Caramello Koala. And I'm a fruit loop. etc etc I think the attitude of being mindful about how what we say and do can hurt deeply even if we can't see it, could go a long way. Including in the forum. It is known now that mental pain can manifest physically in the short and long term. That attitude leads to being respectful of respectful approaches via message and doing the right thing by replying to them or including a mention in your profile that you won't neccessarily reply. To me it's about manners, using those magic words (please and thank you) we teach our kids about, and letting people know where they stand. If they complain after that, and I haven't had any complaints... I can be free of conscience knowing I did my best to, 'do unto others as I would have them do unto me' Matthew 7:12 (as quoted earlier in the thread). There are versions of the golden rule across many creeds. if I'd realised the post of mine I wanted to go back to was attached to the other one I just replied too, I could have just done both at the same time... oh well... This one is for the people who seem to think I am insisting that replying is the only way to go. My actual point is the beauty of sending CLEAR messages, then people have nothing to complain about. I'm not looking so I don't reply and I've adjusted my profile since I've posted here to make that clear just in case there is any confusion... not that I am inundated by messages considering men can apparently read and very rarely message me, LOL. Having a Peachy long weekend...
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markgreggson
9 years ago
As a paying member that is the cost I accept to be able to message I'd rather have the option to message than to just reply. Hard earned money yes well spent lol most definitely.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'sting2050' i dont think your appearance has anything to do with the slowing down of attention, i think most guys have had there fun and probably get off here and look at finding someone to settle down with...but i could be wrong, just my theory anyway. Meander wasn't inferring that the message slowdown was due to her appearance, but rather trying to point out that even an attractive woman in the largest Australian city doesn't normally receive anywhere near 100 messages a day on here. The slowdown happens to everyone (well, women anyway). When you first join and are fresh meat so to speak you get heaps of messages and flirts as all the guys try their luck with someone new. Then once you've been on here for awhile it tends to slow down and you don't receive nearly as many contacts every day. Even if some guys leave there's always new ones joining up to take their place.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yea...that makes alot of sense...
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I live in a big city and am attractive, but I'd hardly call my mailbox overflowing. Where are these women who receive that number of messages every day? Just post again in the pegging thread. That will get you plenty more messages :P
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' In my experience, what I'm looking for in my profile, directly correlates to how many messages and flirts I get. When I changed my profile to say I wanted ongoing connections, it died in the arse 😀 But when it was a basic request for sexual hookups, all in the wording, it did get busy, holidays in particular. Mmm... that all contradicts the assertion that men don't read profiles :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
(For women mainly). When you first join, rhp advertises that "person x has just joined rhp and is looking for you". Therefor, every man probably sees this (this alert can show whether person x is looking for 'you' or not, same with datefinder alerts). And of course, because we may not have heard back from many (or any) others via messaging, the idea of a new person joining fills us with new hope. Thus the flood of messages :) It's not our fault everyone else has the same idea, the way I see it, I could wait months to try my first message to her, when the other messages have slowed down, but she would probably have found someone by then. There are other sites (no names) that have an indicator on a profile's likelihood of replying.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks for being you, I appreciated not talking to mself very much. Peachy xoxox
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RHP User
9 years ago
Considering most new users don't amend their profile or 'Looking for' initially and take a while to get their head around the site, it's really a bad design. New women get swamped by men who Pie have just said were interested in them, when chances are they are not. Everyone gets miffed. I think send new users an email about how to out their profile together, give them a chance to change their profile, before opening the floodgate.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' (For women mainly). When you first join, rhp advertises that "person x has just joined rhp and is looking for you". Women see the same notifications about new male profiles.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I understand that, but with the quantity of men such notifications of any individual (man) joining are more likely to be missed I would assume. In my experience, creating a new profile does initially get a few more profile views than normal though :) Sorry, I still get excited by them, it means I have confirmed someone new is aware of my existence :P
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'pyrogirl1969'most women get over 100 message and flirts a day here in lies our delema can't possible met and or reply to all... The first week I joined I'd get 50+ flirts and messages a day (I was 39 then), after that it seriously slowed down. Now (when I'm actively looking), I get about 5 flirts and 2 messages daily on average. I live in a big city and am attractive, but I'd hardly call my mailbox overflowing. Where are these women who receive that number of messages every day? Pyro, do you receive that many? 2 messages a day? The men of NSW showing poor taste. Or intimated b a sharp wit. Which is still showing poor taste.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hahaha 😂😂😂 me too, much as I love a chat with myself, gets a bit same old same old 😀
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes, hadn't noted that, good point. And mine isn't a quick read either, so well done guys 😛
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bigs1977
9 years ago
judging by the replies on here and what I've heard in the past I think the 2 big reasons are: 1) the women are overwhelmed with messages so just reply to the ones they are interested in... 2) there are some ******** (insert appropriate word here) ********* that can't take no for an answer. Unfortunately those few bad apples ruin it for everyone else... I do occasionally get the odd no thankyou but silence is the more common form of rejection around here
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RHP User
9 years ago
Good points there Meander. If RHP made it you couldn't email a new Member until they've been on 7 days (unless they opt in orherwise) it'd allow people time to look around, see what sort of profiles are about and get ready before the flood (if female, before the 40 year Moses wandering though the desert for males). That or just hide new profiles from all searches the first week here. Same effect, no one would know they are about to message before set. I'm sure it'd reduce the 'panic flight' being immediately bombarded undoubtly causes in plenty of instances. And that in turn would make it more attractive to the male paying base (to stay here paying). RHP don't seem to have thought things through in numerous areas for keeping people around as happy (paying) customers. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
The match for this topic type would be, 'Why doesn't he reply to/contact me afterwards'... so I suppose there is some irony in the long run. The things we humans put each other through, hey. Peachy
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RHP User
9 years ago
PepperRose's comments were insightful indeed... it could be as simple as adding a mention in the introductory email people get that they can 'hide' their profile while they settle in but all the info is geared towards getting people up and running. There's even the pop-up when you sign in to add a photo if you don't have one because it will attract more replies. There is an article by Rebecca Daniels on the Community Page with tips for Men's profiles where she picked tips up from forumites when she posted here. It's on the right under the Top 10 articles. Maybe she could do one for women too, that would be simply brilliant. For the time off, on entry, people could be pointed towards their settings where they can hide their profile. I'd love to see an article about Messaging Etiquette too... Cheers, Peachy
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RHP User
9 years ago
What is it with men over a certain age, they get creepy. Any wonder we don't reply. So get a message, be here on business, radi rah, whatever, but finishes saying he's opened his pg, which he had to with no public pictures anyway, and hoped I would reciprocate? 2 pictures I'm pg, one in undies, but cropped, the person wasn't visible, could be anyone, and a hazy face pic on a boat with fishing rods half hiding his face? Then wants my pg? I reciprocated though, welcome to my special list 👍
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RHP User
9 years ago
on topic, I didn't reply 👯
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RHP User
9 years ago
Mailbox StatsI have sent 1,271 messagesReply Rate: 151%I have received 1,924 messages That does not mean send me a message because im pretty sure im not going to answer!!
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RHP User
9 years ago
2 messages from same person, first 'can I view your private pictures'? Just that, no 'Hi, how are you?' just that one sentence. The other hit me with flattery, but that was lost after reading the first one. I did actually reply to his request message though, with one word 'no' 😇
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RHP User
9 years ago
Man (a): hi how are you? Love your profile. Reply (a): template response - I'm not seeing new people right now, but thanks for the message Man (a): ok cool no worries. Any chance of seeing your private gallery at all? Man (b): looks like a cut and paste job - Tall, fit clean healthy guy. I've been told have great eyes and a sexy accent. I'm a professional Monday to Friday and like to think I'm fun to be around, I always aim to please and courteous, I'm not here to waste time and happy to open my PG. but be warned there are a few naughty ones in there, because some people do ask. Reply (b): template response as above Man (b): I know that, it did say so on your profile. I just wanted to say hi because I loved what I read. *ok so where did he say hi, or that he liked my profile, or that he understood I'm not seeing new people right now in his first message? It was all about him? And his profile says: "Honestly!!! I think if I pay to send a message, the least people can do is say either ... wow you're stunning sign me up.... or thanks but no thanks.... if you can't be bothered, make sure you add that you're rude on your profile!!!"
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