F49
Swinging/open relationship = unhappy marriage???
August 01 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have played with couples , mainly at clubs and parties. I find the couples who 2 way swing (the woman is allowed to play with men and the man is allowed to play with women) very secure in their relationship. However i find the couples who 1 way swing (the woman does not or is not allowed to play with other men or only plays with women and the man is allowed to play with women) not very secure in their relationship. That is just my experience. Please don't berate me. Care to disagree.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i'm also curious if couples who only meet men for her, mfm play, have a secure relationship. Are they are more secure than couples who only meet women. just curious Again, please don't berate me
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think society in general does think there is something wrong in the relationships of couples who swing/have open relationships. There are very few people in my own life that I would bring up the topic with - not because I am embarrassed, but because of the bombardment of accusations and judgements... I have never had an open relationship, and I guess it's kind of hard for me to wrap my mind around.... Are there never any jealousy issues that come up in your relationships?... If you weren't in an open relationship would you cheat?... How did the topic come up in the first place, "Hey sweetheart, I think we should fuck other people"...? These are honest questions guys, because I'm curious, not because I dissagree with anyones own choices. My hat's off to anyone that manages to have a happy, healthy relationship regardless of how it works.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'AdventureTime' please will RHP make a button to block profiles on forums? iam sick to death of reading 1 or 2 self centred people on here..who feel its their job to keep writing crap about themeselves till everyone stops answering Get a life maybe? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz There is a danger with general insinuations more people than you intended will think you are aiming the personal criticism at them. I read Fi posts and thought wow that will stir up a few, responded with a strong opposite view,,,lol and quite enjoyed reading about her past. We did not take offence at anything she said, but that does not mean we agree either. We would prefer to read responses that responded to the subject, or the persons views but not directly at the person,,,,it does not make them feel sexy! And Loves Frogs......Is that the New Guinea tree frog? By any chance?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'singlegirl_1' I have played with couples , mainly at clubs and parties. I find the couples who 2 way swing (the woman is allowed to play with men and the man is allowed to play with women) very secure in their relationship. However i find the couples who 1 way swing (the woman does not or is not allowed to play with other men or only plays with women and the man is allowed to play with women) not very secure in their relationship. That is just my experience. Please don't berate me. Care to disagree. Well we wont disagree with that, there is some merit in what you say..... 1 way swinging ....... Two reasons: WifIe is bi and does not want sex with guys other than her husband, or her husband cannot handle her having sex with other guys! Either way hubby is happy he gets a extra bit. MFM, Most couples we have met MFM has been a topic of discussion and guys profile name swapped if they are any good, again it comes down to sexuality we think and hubby putting his wives enjoyment before his to a certain extent. We suspect you are right again but there will be exceptions, so it can only be a guide not a rule.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'whyterabbit' I think society in general does think there is something wrong in the relationships of couples who swing/have open relationships. There are very few people in my own life that I would bring up the topic with - not because I am embarrassed, but because of the bombardment of accusations and judgements... I have never had an open relationship, and I guess it's kind of hard for me to wrap my mind around.... Are there never any jealousy issues that come up in your relationships?... If you weren't in an open relationship would you cheat?... How did the topic come up in the first place, "Hey sweetheart, I think we should fuck other people"...? These are honest questions guys, because I'm curious, not because I dissagree with anyones own choices. My hat's off to anyone that manages to have a happy, healthy relationship regardless of how it works.Agreed it seems to be society in general that thinks that there is something wrong with swinger's relationships and i think that ignorance in part is to blame, i mean muggles still seem to think we fuck strangers based on whos keys we plucked out of a bowl lol hardly and accurate view in my expperience.As for your question on open relationships, i can't speak for all couples in this situation but for us it was the result of an open and honest disscussion when we were forming our boundaries and rules for swinging, we noticed a lot of profiles that specified they only played together and also a few that said they would play alone, on further discussion we decided that it was something we were comfortable with and having young children sometimes the logistics of getting out together can make it difficult and well if we can get off on eachother's tales of sexual fun and come home and share the experience then there is no down side.To say that there is NEVER any jelousy in a relationship i think would be niave but i can say that for us we are yet to experience any jelousy over a 'date' we might get a little ansty at times over other things ( i often get jelous that a sink full of dishes doesnt bother him and he gets jelous that i can sleep through anything) lol end of the day it is what works for us and we respect the choices of others because that is obviously what works for them
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'wannabyummymummy' As for your question on open relationships, i can't speak for all couples in this situation but for us it was the result of an open and honest disscussion when we were forming our boundaries and rules for swinging, we noticed a lot of profiles that specified they only played together and also a few that said they would play alone, on further discussion we decided that it was something we were comfortable with and having young children sometimes the logistics of getting out together can make it difficult and well if we can get off on eachother's tales of sexual fun and come home and share the experience then there is no down side. To say that there is NEVER any jelousy in a relationship i think would be niave but i can say that for us we are yet to experience any jelousy over a 'date' we might get a little ansty at times over other things ( i often get jelous that a sink full of dishes doesnt bother him and he gets jelous that i can sleep through anything) lol end of the day it is what works for us and we respect the choices of others because that is obviously what works for them Thanks for the honest answer... I think 'people' could learn alot from that - not that it's everyone's cup of tea to have an open relationship, or even swing, but perhaps if people were alittle more honest about what they want in their relationship and a little less judgemental, there wouldn't be so many dissatisfied people... As for 'jealousy'... I guess that little green monster can rear it's ugly head even amongst the best of us, lol!
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RHP User
14 years ago
l Adventuretime It is called the "stop following this topic" and it is at the top of this page. If you dont like the comments, stop reading them...how easy is that? Thanks fiona but we are very interested in this subject and reading peoples opinions. But maybe once you have givin your opinion ONCE, you might move on to something more positive than debating everyones answer? zzzzzzzzzzzz...so petty and boring, exactly what we dont need in this lifestyle.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'singlegirl_1' I have played with couples , mainly at clubs and parties. I find the couples who 2 way swing (the woman is allowed to play with men and the man is allowed to play with women) very secure in their relationship. However i find the couples who 1 way swing (the woman does not or is not allowed to play with other men or only plays with women and the man is allowed to play with women) not very secure in their relationship. That is just my experience. Please don't berate me. Care to disagree. I know all couples are different BUT from our experiences I couldn't disagree more- I don't believe that there is a direct correlation between relationship security and sexual preferences. Over the years we have experimented with different forms of sexual enjoyment and I (Mrs) have found that while couple swapping can at times be fun, we are trying to conceive so we are ruling that out for now and I have had periods when other men didn't do much for me and my husband is always my favourite lover. I am however bi-sexual and like the added dimension of another women, this is my choice, and we have actually had 3 somes where the other girl preferred that he just watched and didn't join in. Every experience is different. The ideal circumstance for us is a single lady, as I know I am enjoying, he is enjoying and we are all enjoying together. We wouldn't have a straight FMF as it wouldn't be what we would want. When we used to play with couples, the women had to be bi/bi curious.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I've just read all the posts in this thread and now my brain hurts :) We are all different which I think is good. What I think is not good is those that seem to not listen or feel they have to attack other people who have a different view. Can't we all be adult about this? Obviously not. I am currently single. Do I think married people who swing do so because something is missing in their relationship? Yes, I think so. That was cerainly the case when my ex and I started swinging, our time swinging temporarily hid the fact we had outgrown each other. The people we swung with also seemed to in difficulty but we were not doing it to practice psychoanalysis. We did it for sexual pleasure, we did it for experimentation and we did it to get at each other. I am not and will not claim that our experience or reasons will be the same for everyone. Monogamy, commitment and complete satisfaction in a relationship? Yes please. It is something I seek. Will I seek and enjoy casual sexual contact? Yes from time to time but not if I was in a relationship. Nor would I have casual sex with someone who wanted to do it without their partner's knowlege. YMMV. Fiona, if you're ever in WA please get in touch.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i was going to say something but got distracted by micnruss Profile picture..WOW
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's probably best to tell Kermit to stay out of that pool? | Quoting 'lovesfrogs'Ohh...you changed your picture | There may be things in there that not even the sun and a triple-filter chlorinater can't kill. It's one thing to be a tadpole and have your tail fall off, but damn if you are a sensible male frog that want's to take a quick dip alway practice safe soaks. | The other tail won't grow back you know.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...when we were here just to check out the pictures and try to cop a root. | Quoting 'wowwow09'i was going to say something but got distracted by micnruss Profile picture..WOW Great, now I want to grow up to be a banana....so much for my career goals. | Anybody want a beer or something whilst I'm up? I need a scotch and a have to wipe off the keyboard anyway. | | | So, a bicycle seat or a banana...damn the opportunities are just endless.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'AdventureTime' or adding a 671 blower to your Boss 429.. Now your talking! :D
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'beachbody' Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? I think this pretty much sums it all up. Everyone needs to respect other peoples right to be here without making assumptions about their personal life and relationships.Non-monogamy or open relationships are a lifestyle choice, not an inner-failing or an indication of the absence of something. I have said enough about this issue in other threads on the same topic and I won't get started again because I also believe in respecting other people's choices, views and ways of life and do not care to exist in a world or on a forum where we all hold the same views. . However, I would deeply resent someone making the insinuation that I am in some way flawed because I believe in harmonious non-monogamous relationships. It's offensive, assumptive and narrow-minded. . Flirty x
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RHP User
14 years ago
How can you dare wave this enticing profile under my nose and then threaten to take it away at the very same moment? Such a tease!!HugsStalky Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' I have learnt one thing from posting my thoughts on this forum, and that is to not do it again, Im sticking to reading them only...lol. peace
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Non-monogamy or open relationships are a lifestyle choice, not an inner-failing or an indication of the absence of something. Flirty x what about when one of the people decides to be open and doesn't feel it wise/necessary/smart to tell the other person? is that still an open relationship
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RogueGeek
14 years ago
That would be cheating.Is it really so hard to understand the difference? Open relationships are exactly that: open, honest, communicative. If only half the couple decides to be "open" without the knowledge and consent of the other, that is the very opposite of an open relationship because it involves lies, deception and does not involve communicating with the partner.Cheers,MS(the female half of an open relationship) Quoting 'noangelsplz' Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Non-monogamy or open relationships are a lifestyle choice, not an inner-failing or an indication of the absence of something. Flirty x what about when one of the people decides to be open and doesn't feel it wise/necessary/smart to tell the other person? is that still an open relationship
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'cl_ms' That would be cheating.Is it really so hard to understand the difference? Open relationships are exactly that: open, honest, communicative. If only half the couple decides to be "open" without the knowledge and consent of the other, that is the very opposite of an open relationship because it involves lies, deception and does not involve communicating with the partner.Cheers,MS(the female half of an open relationship) Quoting 'noangelsplz' Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Non-monogamy or open relationships are a lifestyle choice, not an inner-failing or an indication of the absence of something. Flirty x what about when one of the people decides to be open and doesn't feel it wise/necessary/smart to tell the other person? is that still an open relationship i'm glad you saw my sarcasm. i would hate to annoy such a gorgeous girlMrNA(the male half of an open relationship)
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RHP User
14 years ago
OK it's taken me a long time to come to terms with our lovely Ms Fi, she's a strong minded minx who doesn't mind stepping on toes. Often her posts are blunt expressions of what she sees as truth and from what I've learned she really doesn't mean to offend anyone near as much as the bluntness of her take on the truth often does. OK I've read MOST of all this and if I could work out how to quote quickly from multiple pages there's be a few direct responses but really who cares about little old me's opinion!!!For the gist of it:I've said it before, I'll say it again; there is and never will be one person that can complete another. We need mates, we need hobbies of our own, we need so many different types of interactions to keep us healthy.So yes Fi is 100% right, any swinging couple is looking for an interaction they can't get just one on one. Just like needing to go have a beer with mates or play a team sport, we crave and need interaction with others.Now there's many reasons couples swing and yes some stem from an unhappiness within the relationship but I'm not going to talk about those ones (they definitely exist). There are swinging couples that are 100% happy in their relationship but enjoy the extra little bit that adding others to the mix can give. It's got nothing to do with cheating at all (this is where you are wrong Fi - the world is full of greys and colours not only black and white damn it hehe). Cheating is doing something devious that your partner doesn't want you to do. If your partner wants you to stop smoking and you say you will then take sneaky puffs then you're cheating, if your partner doesn't mind then you're not cheating you are just smoking!Now couples probably don't go into this lightly, then again some do! We probably did, it was just a "ohh that'd be fun" thing we tried when our relationship was less serious. As it became serious then swinging did have it's problems for us, we really enjoyed it just for fun at the start but we both battled with whether it had a place in a serious, committed and eeek "married" relationship!!! There were times where it caused tension as one or other went off the idea. You could say that swinging had and has the potential to take something away from this relationship where we seemingly have all we need. When we look back we realise that we probably can hardly call ourselves swingers for quite some years anyway as we very rarely partake. If it wasn't for these forums we might not visit this site anymore. But we have our little desires and we know we enjoy it so sometimes we bump into the right people and fun times are had.So what's the "extra" that we get?- We get to feel and enjoy other bodies - yep for sure, but really this is so very little of it for us although we'd be kidding ourselves if it wasn't a very very nice part of it!- We get to see each other perform with others - now this is a rather large part of it with many levels. It's better than any porn you could imagine but more so it has to do with the feeling of trust and love. We adore the realisation of a complete lack of jealousy and a contentment that we know the other person is being pleasured and satisfied. I don't know if I can explain this as well as it should be but it's just a complete warm and fussy feeling between us- Sex - yeah I always chuckle at the profiles that say "my partner is the best sex ever, I need nothing else, but I want to fuck you" - WTF do people bother saying this? OK we absolutely adore having sex alone together BUT who the hell are people kidding, sex does change over time. We do not fuck like we did when we'd only just met (not regularly anyway) our sex is more languid, more relaxing, more close. Well that's on the good side, on the bad our sex is tainted by daily stress - we are each other's confidants so yes it's hard to have mind-blowing mindless sex with someone you know is having a hard week at work and you're stressed over their stress. Sharing times with someone else, there is no history, there is nothing else on your mind but giving and receiving pleasure. You can just enjoy that person for them and the pleasure you're sharing - nice huh?So could we survive without it? I'm pretty sure we could, I mean we really don't have the spare time to find the compatible ones anyway so we pretty much DO survive without it. Having said that, we've bumped into an old contact we never quite got to meet and wouldn't you know it we all seem to get on famously - so we're excited about those "extra" bits that we can safely enjoy together.So Fi, I can agree with your assumptions 100% when relating to some specific couples. Also it is perfectly normal for anyone to have your views on what they would want in a one on one relationship and you shouldn't be berated for it. BUT there are many rights and wrongs out there and many are conflicting when applied to different people at different times.For us, now, after much growth and development, the addition of an extra bod or two can actually keep our minds and bodies healthier and give us a little release that helps keep us close together and wanting and respecting the one on one stuff even more. I don't want to change your mind on what's right for you but I hope you can see that unhappiness in a relationship is not the precursor to all who dabble in this naughty past time?
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RHP User
14 years ago
My post is as long as all5senses, no one is ever going to read it!!!!!I'm going to read his too when I have the time as it seems like a good one!!
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RogueGeek
14 years ago
and his.Thanks to both of you.Cheers,MS(the female half) Quoting 'puppy' My post is as long as all5senses, no one is ever going to read it!!!!!I'm going to read his too when I have the time as it seems like a good one!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I swear you are growing into a gracious old dog rather than a rambuncious Pup. No I dont mean to offend and yes I do have a blunt way of stating things. I do remember how it is when newly in lust and your need to touch and taste and play with each other four or five times a day, sometimes more, and then over many years as love grows, lust slows and the rush becomes a gentle more indepth time. So the attraction is the newness of it all? No I understand that one often can not supply all the needs of another. It is the perception. Is something missing? Yes. If only the variety.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky'How can you dare wave this enticing profile under my nose and then threaten to take it away at the very same moment? Such a tease!!HugsStalky Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' I have learnt one thing from posting my thoughts on this forum, and that is to not do it again, Im sticking to reading them only...lol. peace Oh sorry Stalky...I am one who loves to tease.. Did have a good laugh reading your comment. Also I am always intriguiged to see what comments you come up with, I find them very enyoyable to read, love a good chuckle...keep up the good work!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Glad you like the lollie pop
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' I swear you are growing into a gracious old dog rather than a rambuncious Pup.Ha yeah I'm looking older and older so best start acting like it!!! :) No I dont mean to offend and yes I do have a blunt way of stating things. I do remember how it is when newly in lust and your need to touch and taste and play with each other four or five times a day, sometimes more,Ah yes that's the stuff!! and then over many years as love grows, lust slows and the rush becomes a gentle more indepth time. - I like that line! So the attraction is the newness of it all?It's some of it, the attraction is probably different for different couples. We had pretty much had our fill of playing around as for us the world of swinging seems a bit impersonal and we cant enjoy sex without some deeper connection. Then we go and meet a couple we have chatted to on msn over the years but never met and BANG we find a couple who we really click with and we're hooked on the feeling!!! One day when we catch up for dinner we'll try and explain better ;) No I understand that one often can not supply all the needs of another. It is the perception. Is something missing? Yes. If only the variety. - yeah fair enough, maybe we need the variety, the thrill, the pure fun of it all!Now Fi are you turning into a pliable, lovable old softy on us hahaha xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Anyone who knows me will tell you I am just a big marshmellow and have always been loveable.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
I know you are a softie (who happens cook the most evil brownies on earth!!) it is just that you have issue with the delivery (not just with your point but those damn brownies too lol)WBYM
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RHP User
14 years ago
my wife of almost 10 years came to me the other day and said that she had been talking to a guy at the gym and he had asked her out and she was curious about pursuing it a bit more and would I mind if she went. we agreed it would be ok and she has since gone had a good night and is now thinking about sleeping with him, now Im ok with this as she has been completely honest with me and its not like we have not played before though as a couple, the hall pass one on one thing is new to us but i think can work as long as all lines of communication remain open and honest. this could be just the thing our relationship needs as after 10+ years (and 3 kids) of spending our lives together we are more like best mates most of the time not lovers, though we love each other very much and wish to grow old together long service leave is due.
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RHP User
14 years ago
What u write is really nice ... my man left his wife for me (his mistress) and now we have a home but he's unsettled and needs that excitement so while it's a bit of an adventure for me (and maybe i would like to kiss a girl) it's really for him. He could have extra or we could share it so I figure it's better to share it. I don't have all the answers and I'm certainly no angel myself. Maybe we're not as happy as the traditional husband and wife thing but you know, who the hell is? Maybe ten percent of them and if you're in that ten percent you're probably not reading this. So good luck and I hope it doesn't hurt either of us. cheers L
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RHP User
14 years ago
HI yummy great to see your still here.My first husband..was 19 when when we first got together..i thought he was older..It wasn't until his friends had asked me to keep in the dark buy keeping him busy..so he wouldn't find out about their surprise party that they had planned.it was his 21st ( they had thought i had known his age).any way..i was his 2nd girlfriend.We married and had our first child when i was 24..and i was soo in love with him..i gave him all of me and everything i had..and freedom to do his own thing...it wasn't till a number of years later when he had changed friends.(he wanted to be a biker).He started to use heavy drugs and to cheat on me with younger women..Hence the open marriage...i had allowed him this...in part.because of his age..and my insecuritiesNow as for my second husband..he use to swing with his first wife..(his first girlfriend).they had married young also.When i married him it wasn't for love this time..but for security..it wasn't till many years later that the subject of swinging as a couple or solo.came up...I said ok this time....to an open relationship..so that in my mind we wouldn't be cheating ...but also..i was extremely insecure..So in my experience..i went along with an open marriage..because..i was afraid i'd lose them if i didn't go along with it.and be alone with young children.and because of their perceived lack experience with being with other people( women)..it would be an opportunity,for them to see that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and that they hadn't missed out on any thing sexual from being with me.I didn't experiment with anyone as such....yet the marriages didn't last.I had been with my first for 5 yrs...and second husband..26yrs....funny thing is today that both have regrettedtreating me the way they had...Didn't know how good they had it..as no other women..has measured up.(.their words not mine)
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
good to see you back Heymumma, missed you around these parts, of course i am still here, not always vocal but always around lol.So sad that it didnt work out for you and i know there is a percentage of people on here in that situation where they go into it in order to keep thier partner but i also beleive that there is a percentage on here who swing together becuase they both have a desire to experince it as a couple (whatever that reason may be) and that in general they are happy and content.It just seems to me that the general opinion of single people and people who dont swing (some of course not all) equate the swinging lifestyle with an unhappy marriage and also that unsatisfied sexually means unhappy in the marriage.As stated by the opinons of others on this thread it is obvious that if you are swinging there is an element of your sexual side that is not satisfied solely by your partner and while i dont dispute that argument i do think it is unrealsitic to expect any one person in your life to 'tick ALL the boxes' we have friends of varying types in our lives to cover all manner of needs and we also take other lovers to satisfy needs as well that does not mean we are unhappy or not in love with our husbands/wives or partners.
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RHP User
14 years ago
....Hi again...yummmy .Our partner can't be all things..at all times..as such...as i feel it wouldn't be humanly possible..You know me well enough yummy....each to his own...and if all the peeps involved..are happyand having fun..no one elses views should matter...besides no one has the right to call into question the couples reason/s...mumma xox
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