F49
Swinging/open relationship = unhappy marriage???
August 01 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'll start by agreeing that having a couples and individual profile isn't that unusual, my partner and I do although the couples profile is on another site. This is the first open relationship I've been in although I have never been monogamous in any relationship. And I was never really happy in any other relationship. So the short answer for me is that assumed monogamy doesn't make a happy or satisfied relationship - it makes a cheat. My partner and I stated right at the beginning that we would be free to see other people but the fact is, that with one exception for my partner, we have been monogamous until recently (to the point that some of our friends said that we were the most failed swingers of all time). Due to events outside of our relationship, my partner decided that she was going to exercise the right to see other people which she has done to some extent on here and she spent most of a recent weekend with a guy she met here. The decision for our current non-monogamy was hers. My preference right now would be to be monogamous but I have another decision I can take; whether to be in this relationship at all. I decide to be in it because I know it is the most honest, open thing I have ever done. It hurts at times. Old conditioning such as possessiveness and jealousy are hard to discard and there are feelings of sadness and vulnerability but they are about me, not about her. I have maintained throughout this relationship that I love her, not a form of her that I have moulded by being controlling and manipulating. As I said at the start, we are both on here with our own profiles. I know there are far more opportunities for her to interact with others than for me, its a fact of life, she's a woman and we all know the imbalance of the sexes here. She's younger, has far more free time and ultimately, is more motivated than I. But I know that I want to play my part in this relationship, so I am out there with an open mind and seeking to explore rather than cocoon myself away. I do it knowing that I am supported and loved by my partner. We do it knowing that we both have the space to be ourselves. Are we more or less happy than a non-swinging couple? I don't know, but I do believe we are more honest and real than many.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi yummy your question more for the singles i know but thought we would just say that as a couple who plays (not sure right label swingers or open marriage as we like lots of different fun) that we dont play to fix something or to fill a gap in our sex life. We simply enjoy adult fun and its that simple. We play together and play solo when its convenient to us as busy people cant always coordinate play together. And we love yor work by the way. MR SRFUN
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am in a similar situation Yummy and I have found that the more open we have become as a couple and the more swinging we do, the happier we have been, and the better our own sex lives have become also :) MrA
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RHP User
14 years ago
Go girl..... Definitely not a relationship here that needs fixing! If anything this experience has made us more close.... Communication better, sex life excellent (poor MR FUN! But he loves it!!!) Personally this whole experience has been very liberating for me and certainly a huge confidence booster. Hey if you have got it Flaunt it, enjoy it beacaue life is is way too short! I am too busy with life, so I call this my new sport/hobby/interest. And because I can! Hey YUMMYMUMMY perhaps we shud start the "I can" club...
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RHP User
14 years ago
We think of Swinging as an bonus in our relationship :) like adding fine wine to a meal, or adding a 671 blower to your Boss 429.. I guess there are many combinations of couples on here too.. Many are in bored marriages...so swinging will often bring out the reminder "you are with the wrong girl/guy "
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
thanks for that adventuretime you had me for a second with all that 'blower talk' then i realized it must be car speak and my eyes glazed over So true i think swinging can certainly make or break a couple if they are both not into it for the right reasons.thanks for the inputxx
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
oh hell yeah MrsFun lets start that you can be the president and i will be the secretary lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
And I will state again..... My perception...... .......as I am certain certain couples are just gonna get thier knickers in a knot here. l Personally, I dont care what couples, do. They may play separately, they may play together, indulge in wild foursomes and moresomes. It is thier business. It is not now, nor will it ever be my thing. When I commit myself to one...it is one only. A person goes looking for what is lacking on the home front, even if it is only variety. It constantly amazes me that some couples carry on all the time about how wonderful, how fantastic thier partners are, the love of thier lives yadda, yadda, yadda and yet why are they looking for more? More what.... if the partner is that good? Married people get hammered all the time for playing around without thier partners knowledge...and I dont even want to go there as this question is not really about "cheaters" but in my veiw, you are doing the same thing. It is still cheating. You have set aside your marriage vows and are operating as flatmates, parents in common and occassional lovers in order to open your beds to others. So what is the point of remaining together? For the sake of the kids? But we love each other? Yes but not forsaking all others anymore is it? To me a committed relationship is just that.....committed......to each other. Otherwise what is the point of the marriage / relationship? l IMO
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'srfun' Hey if you have got it Flaunt it, If you got it...you dont have to flaunt it...it is there for the world to see....
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Hi Fiona,of course you have the right to your point of view (after all isn't that what the forums are really about) it would be a waste of time posting anything if everyone was going to agree.My point of view though is to disagree with you, if ind the whole 'forsaking all others' a little old fashioned and in fact my hubby and i did not have that in our marriage vows, we wrote our own!!I think it is possible to have the love of your life and be happy and committed to each-other and yet still share each-other sexually. To us cheating is not about the sexual relationship it is about the lies and deceit that are required to actually do it the 'sorry honey i'm working late' lines and the missing out on family things while you are out having a good time with someone else. We avoid that by being open and honest with each-other, making our family time our priority and having our fun with others together. (even when we have our own separate fun we share in the details and reconnect together when we get home.While i understand this is not everyone's cup of tea it works for us and when it stops working we will stop doing it, for the time being it has brought us closer together, made us communicate more effectively on a number of levels and brought even more intimacy to our relationship.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'srfun' Hey if you have got it Flaunt it, If you got it...you dont have to flaunt it...it is there for the world to see.... Again each to their own
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RHP User
14 years ago
One question remains unanswered.... l What is it you are looking for that you dont have at home? l Think long and hard about that one as the "Absolutley nothing" answer is obviously crap. If you had it all...you would not be out there looking for more. It is that easy. Is it the variety? The added spice? Does the perfect partner not supply all your needs? One more question that I dont want to know the answer to but all the couples out there may want to give serious thought to... What is going to happen when you do find what it is you are looking for and it is better than what you have at home...after all...the grass is always greener and sometimes there is no going back. Then again there is those that adhere to the Christian faith....Is not fidelity and sex outside of marriage frowned upon?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Swinging is fun, fun, fun. It is something we enjoy doing together, within our marriage as we always play together. To suggest we are having sex outside our marriage is nonsense it just shows a completely closed mind, we only play together with others, one of us WILL NOT EVER go and have sex with ANYONE else, without BOTH of us playing with that person 3 some or couple 4 some. Both of us are always on the same bed.....allways! We think swinging has saved millions of marriages worldwide as it is a fun thing couples do TOGETHER, swinging removes any inclination to cheat, and satisfy our inbuilt animistic desires as sex craving maniacs! Sex is fun fun fun and so is swinging, fun to be had within marriage!
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Fiona, to be 100% honest with you i don't know what it is that we are looking for, we are happy together, we do enjoy a healthy sex life together and it is really about the buzz and excitement of variety. You know the feeling? the nerves and sexual tension when meeting someone new? the chit chat you have with each other about the people you meet i can't explain it really but it is what it is.As for finding the grass greener else where?? well i never was one much for gardening and lawn maintenance
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'lovesfrogs'is it so wierd that people have different choices ? We are all individual and the world would be sooo boring if we were all the same. l Quoting 'JustEnough' To suggest we are having sex outside our marriage is nonsense it just shows a completely closed mind,l Gotta disagree here as well. Neither of you are married to the other people that you are playing with so therefore it is sex outside of the marriage. Just because you are both in the same room does not mean it is NOT outside the marriage and the inability to accept THAT is close minded. My mind is not closed at all. A spade is a spade, a fuck is a fuck and if it is not with your partner, it is outside the relationship. Now dont get me wrong here folks, I dont dissagree with open relationships, nor do I think you are all wrong for playing around. In fact I really couldnt care one way or another. I just would like all the couples to see this for what it is and to stop sugar coating it. Too many couples protest loudly and say they are not cheating BECAUSE THEIR PARTNER KNOWS. There is always justification for ones actions. Yummy mummy asked for the perception of singles and I gave mine.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Now dont get me wrong here folks, I dont dissagree with open relationships, nor do I think you are all wrong for playing around. In fact I really couldnt care one way or another. I just would like all the couples to see this for what it is and to stop sugar coating it. Too many couples protest loudly and say they are not cheating BECAUSE THEIR PARTNER KNOWS. There is always justification for ones actions....4 spelling mistakes! This is where everyone has to stop sugar coating.........Open realationships are not Swinging! Swinging, The Couple are physically having fun together, I might be giving my wife oral, while she is giving the other wives husband oral, while her husband is giving his wife oral while his wife is giving me oral. Then we might swap around and I will give his wife oral, while she will gives her husband oral while my wife gives me oral while her husband gives my wife oral. Then I might have sex with my wife, while The other wife has sex with her husband. Then my wife might have sex with her husband while I have sex with his wife. You know 4 way play with MARRIED couples of the opposite sex is fun without being Bi or Anal Compulsory! See its fun we have together within marriage, we as a married couple are having fun together with other married couples. Open Relations, where only one in a couple plays without their partner we have no experience with and presently is not on our wish list to explore, but we think Fi is very confused with the difference between swinging and open relationships. But we agree with Fi, just that our partner knows is not good enough for us....We play as a team together with the opposite sex!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Too many couples protest loudly and say they are not cheating BECAUSE THEIR PARTNER KNOWS. There is always justification for ones actions.I love this question - What is cheating? For me, I would consider having coffee with a woman and hiding the fact from my partner to be cheating. As I've said in another thread, if I wasn't cheating, why would I hide it? If I slept with another woman (oh, if only!!!) and my partner knew before hand that its likely to happen and I'm totally honest with her throughout, that can not be cheating. You might consider it wrong or unacceptable for you Fiona, but its not cheating. Surely within a relationship, cheating is something that is done without the knowledge of the other?
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
but to answer my original question, do you think that couples in open relationships or who swing do so because they are unhappy in their marriage/relationship??it seems to me that those on the outside looking in think that but my experience has actually been quite the opposite.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Maybe not so much unhappy with the relationship...more bored, looking for something that is not supplied by one eg: variety. This means that yes you are, one some level dissatisfied within the relationship. If you were completely satisfied you would not be looking for others to fullfill a need that clearly is missing.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mrpollux' You might consider it wrong or unacceptable for you Fiona, but its not cheating. Surely within a relationship, cheating is something that is done without the knowledge of the other? I dont consider it wrong nor do I think of it as unacceptable. It is not something that I personally would do in a committed relationship. and having said that let me assure you that I can and do play with married men. I just do not sugar coat things. Like I said, a spade is a spade, any play apart from with your partner is outside of the relationship. l but we think Fi is very confused with the difference between swinging and open relationships. l No I am very clear on what both are. I fail to see the difference between having a partner in the room and not having a partner there at all. Sex with another person is still just that....sex outside the relationship. I am not saying it is not fun as I am sure that it is and I never mentioned anything about bi or anal.
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RHP User
14 years ago
still pretending to be the spelling police I see....
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Justenough i see what you are saying and yes i understand that swinging and open relationships are two different things (while some couples choose to participate in both)which is why i asked what people's general perception of both were.It seems to me that a lot of people tend to A) but both in the same basket and B) judge accordingly I get the feeling that the general view of those who dont swing (or have an open relationship) is that those of us who do are somehow dissatisfied with our partner and i happen to disagree with that point of view.Fiona, i am a little confused about what you consider 'sugar coating' can you explain what it is that any of us have said that 'sugar coats' our choices? and you say that you have played with married men, so is that with thier partner's knowledge or without? i am finding it hard to see your point of view when on the one hand you appear to condemn the choices of others but then on the other hand participate??? please don't mistake this as having a go at you (plenty of others will do that i am sure) I am just trying to appreciate your point of view, after all that is the whole point of this post, to understand why people assume that swingers or people in open relationships are unhappy in their relationship?? Is it not possible to have your cake and eat it too so's to speak? don't you think it is unreasonable to expect ONE person to meet your EVERY need EVERY DAY of your life?? that is a lot of pressure to put on a person, I love my husband and trust him completely if the variety that comes with our choices keeps us both happy and enhances our sex life then i fail to see how that makes us unhappy or unfulfilled
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RHP User
14 years ago
Wannabyummymummy, All I can say is well said. Cannot wait forthe next installment...... LOL. Life is short, let's live it and be happy. MRS SRFUN P.S. Whatever floats YOUR boat!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I hardly ever leave a comment on these forums, but like to read them and have a chuckle at what people have to say. I have also witnessed how nasty some people can get on here as well, with that in mind I never wanted to be the one to do such a thing. BUT...I have to say to Fionabee - the last time I looked Red Hot Pie was a swingers website, if swinging offends your moral stand then WTF are you doing on here? We have been into the scene for a few years now and have no issues or problems with our marriage. We have met some truly beautiful and awesome people on here who have had the same experience and have no problem drawing the line between love and sex.
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RHP User
14 years ago
We honestly believe we are each others soul mate, we're just here because we can. Seriously why not? Its just sex and we're sharing it together. It has no effect on our relationship and we find that it actually brings us closer.I think it takes a very open mind and a level of intimacy within your own relationship to do this. Those that don't understand it simply aren't at that level or don't have the same sexual desires.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'BadKitty007'I hardly ever leave a comment on these forums, but like to read them and have a chuckle at what people have to say. I have also witnessed how nasty some people can get on here as well, with that in mind I never wanted to be the one to do such a thing. BUT...I have to say to Fionabee - the last time I looked Red Hot Pie was a swingers website, if swinging offends your moral stand then WTF are you doing on here? We have been into the scene for a few years now and have no issues or problems with our marriage. We have met some truly beautiful and awesome people on here who have had the same experience and have no problem drawing the line between love and sex.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Fionabee I think the site you are looking is eharmony
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'wannabyummymummy' Fiona, i am a little confused about what you consider 'sugar coating' can you explain what it is that any of us have said that 'sugar coats' our choices? A fuck is a fuck. That is all it is. If you are having sex with someone other than your husband you are enjoying extramarital sex. Too easy. Why try and justify it by saying it is alright because your partner knows? It is no different IN MY OPINION than if he did not know. You are still having extramarital sex. But all the couples seem to justify thier actions as okay. Many of the couples on here are quick to leap up and down waving the red flag when it is a married person pkaying around WITHOUT PERMISSION ie....cheating!!!!! To me...there is no difference. and you say that you have played with married men, so is that with thier partner's knowledge or without? That is entirely thier business and not mine. There is no difference to me at all if the wife knows or not. i am finding it hard to see your point of view when on the one hand you appear to condemn the choices of others Wrong, I dont condemn anyone for the choices they are making. I would just prefer that they are more honest about it and start calling a spade a spade and a fuck a fuck. Couples need to stop telling everyone thier relationship is absolutely perfect, thier partner is all they need...when it is patently obvious that it is not the case. Yes you may love your partner, yes it may work for you. BUT yes you are bored with one person so therefore back to your original question..Do I perceive you as being disatisfied? Arent you? Because if you werent you would not be out looking for what is not supplied by your partner now would you? but then on the other hand participate??? please don't mistake this as having a go at you (plenty of others will do that i am sure) I am just trying to appreciate your point of view, Personally I dont think you do want to appreciate my point of veiw.....I think you just want others to agree with your choices, thereby justifying your own actions. That is cool. You play with others because you can, you dont need any justification for what you do because you are an adult. after all that is the whole point of this post, to understand why people assume that swingers or people in open relationships are unhappy in their relationship?? Is it not possible to have your cake and eat it too so's to speak? don't you think it is unreasonable to expect ONE person to meet your EVERY need EVERY DAY of your life?? Yes and that is why I never married. However, when I am in a committed relationship.....it is just that...committed to one. that is a lot of pressure to put on a person, I love my husband and trust him completely if the variety that comes with our choices keeps us both happy and enhances our sex life then i fail to see how that makes us unhappy or unfulfilled You may not be unhappy.....but how satisfied would you be with one person and one only? And that was the original question was it not? Do I perceive you as unhappy/disatisfied in your marriage? Yes I do. Once again...if you were perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied why are you looking for more?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'BadKitty007'I hardly ever leave a comment on these forums, but like to read them and have a chuckle at what people have to say. I have also witnessed how nasty some people can get on here as well, with that in mind I never wanted to be the one to do such a thing. BUT...I have to say to Fionabee - the last time I looked Red Hot Pie was a swingers website, if swinging offends your moral stand then WTF are you doing on here? We have been into the scene for a few years now and have no issues or problems with our marriage. We have met some truly beautiful and awesome people on here who have had the same experience and have no problem drawing the line between love and sex. It is an adult networking site. Just for the record, swinging does not bother my morals at all. If you read the whole topic you would see that I was answering the question...Do you perceive that people who swing are unhappy/ dissatisfied. Yes I do perceive that. At the risk of banging my head against a brick wall.......yet again.......if you were perfectly satisfied by your partner you would not be looking for something else now would you? So clearly those who swing or have open relationships are not completely satisfied within the relationship.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Ok Fiona, so you have made your feelings clear and your opinion heard, thanks for your input. I don't happen to agree with you but of course respect your point of view regardless.Personally I dont think you do want to appreciate my point of veiw.....I think you just want others to agree with your choices, thereby justifying your own actions. That is cool. You play with others because you can, you dont need any justification for what you do because you are an adult.I don't recall at any time asking anyone to agree with my choices in order to justify my actions but if that is your take on it then so be it.Beachbody, well said, i think the main thing i have got from this post is that those who do it, get it those who dont just DON"T and well that is just the way it is Badkitty, you also make a valid point and thanks for taking the time to post a comment (rare as they are, they are always valuable)MrsSRFun, you know i love a good clashing of the minds, glad you enjoy the ride reading along
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'wannabyummymummy' Fiona, i am a little confused about what you consider 'sugar coating' can you explain what it is that any of us have said that 'sugar coats' our choices? A fuck is a fuck. That is all it is. If you are having sex with someone other than your husband you are enjoying extramarital sex. Too easy. Why try and justify it by saying it is alright because your partner knows? It is no different IN MY OPINION than if he did not know. You are still having extramarital sex. But all the couples seem to justify thier actions as okay. Many of the couples on here are quick to leap up and down waving the red flag when it is a married person pkaying around WITHOUT PERMISSION ie....cheating!!!!! To me...there is no difference. and you say that you have played with married men, so is that with thier partner's knowledge or without? That is entirely thier business and not mine. There is no difference to me at all if the wife knows or not. i am finding it hard to see your point of view when on the one hand you appear to condemn the choices of others Wrong, I dont condemn anyone for the choices they are making. I would just prefer that they are more honest about it and start calling a spade a spade and a fuck a fuck. Couples need to stop telling everyone thier relationship is absolutely perfect, thier partner is all they need...when it is patently obvious that it is not the case. Yes you may love your partner, yes it may work for you. BUT yes you are bored with one person so therefore back to your original question..Do I perceive you as being disatisfied? Arent you? Because if you werent you would not be out looking for what is not supplied by your partner now would you? but then on the other hand participate??? please don't mistake this as having a go at you (plenty of others will do that i am sure) I am just trying to appreciate your point of view, Personally I dont think you do want to appreciate my point of veiw.....I think you just want others to agree with your choices, thereby justifying your own actions. That is cool. You play with others because you can, you dont need any justification for what you do because you are an adult. after all that is the whole point of this post, to understand why people assume that swingers or people in open relationships are unhappy in their relationship?? Is it not possible to have your cake and eat it too so's to speak? don't you think it is unreasonable to expect ONE person to meet your EVERY need EVERY DAY of your life?? Yes and that is why I never married. However, when I am in a committed relationship.....it is just that...committed to one. that is a lot of pressure to put on a person, I love my husband and trust him completely if the variety that comes with our choices keeps us both happy and enhances our sex life then i fail to see how that makes us unhappy or unfulfilled You may not be unhappy.....but how satisfied would you be with one person and one only? And that was the original question was it not? Do I perceive you as unhappy/disatisfied in your marriage? Yes I do. Once again...if you were perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied why are you looking for more? Fi....11 spelling mistakes that time...ummmm
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QLDtwo4fun
14 years ago
We just enjoy the shared experience. It's more fun together, turning each other and other people on. That works for us and has brought us closer together.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Ok so one final note on fiona's point of view:I think there is a distinct difference between 'dissatisfied' and 'unhappy' so maybe my original question is where the problem lies does dissatisfied = unhappy then? i don't think it does. If you go with fiona's train of thought on this that if you were completely satisfied you would not be looking elsewhere (which as already stated i do not agree with but lets just say for a second that i did) then does that mean you are unhappy with your partner? If i eat a great meal but the portion size is that to feed a canary (please note this is NOT a euphemism for manly bits) and i am left feeling hungry or 'unsatisfied' does that i mean i enjoy the meal any less?? of course not the food was delicious there just wasn't enough of it which will send me to the fridge looking for more, dessert anyone?? food for thought
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erotictouch4u
14 years ago
Quoting 'wannabyummymummy'If i eat a great meal but the portion size is that to feed a canary and i am left feeling hungry or 'unsatisfied' does that mean i enjoy the meal any less?? of course not the food was delicious there just wasn't enough of it which will send me to the fridge looking for more, dessert anyone? So then that would indicate that the portions you get at home are not filling enough for you and hence you are "unsatisfied" in your marriage...or is it that the chef is just not on duty every night ? ET xox
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RHP User
14 years ago
Fionabee, your opinion is most definately been made clear and you are most welcome to stick with it. I guess it just boils down to not everyone is the same...thank fuck for that or what a boring world we would live in. Swinging for us is just uncomplicated fun, plain and simple. We don't have any issues at all, we have complete trust in each other. It's just uncomplicated sexy fun- nothing more -nothing less.My work sometimes takes me away for months at a time and I have no desire to cheat on my wife whilst away, unlike some of my so called "happily married colleagues" do. They go home and pretend to be happily married, but deep down have no respect for themselves, their wives or the women the fuck on the sly. So therefore if I was unsatisfied with my relationship/partner, I surely would have used these opportunities away from my wife to fulfill my apparently lacking relationship. Never have - never will. One thing I have noted in our experiences is that not all who participate in this lifestyle have the right "headspace" to deal with it, and that's when it becomes dangerous to a relationship. It will always remain a fact that some people will only ever see their opinion as valid, and nothing I say or anyone else who posts on this forum subject will sway people like Fionabee. Nor should it. Because it is narrow minded people like this, that make me appreciate even more my fantastic wife, the trust and love we have for each other, and the beautiful sexy experiences we have shared with other like minded people.
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Mr_MrsJones
14 years ago
In life we make a whole lot of friends. Why? Because there is no one friend who is going to provide you with everything you need from a friendship all of the time. So following this train of thought is it reasonable to expect that one partner or spouse is going to provide us with everything we need all of the time? I wouldn't really think so. We are conditioned FROM BIRTH to believe that there is ONE person out there who will make us happy once we find them. For some people this is the case and they live their lives blissfully happy together. For a lot of us it is not the case. We are not entirely satisfied with one partner wether that is in a sexual sense or in a more romantic sense. The problem is we are taught that if we have this feeling we are doing it wrong and so we deny, deny, deny. At first I thought Fiona was condemning swingers and people in open relationships as wrong. But as I read this I realised she isn't. She is merely stating the truth. If you are looking for extra stimulation you are not getting everything from your partner. It isn't wrong to feel this way. You can love them dearly, raise children together, be committed to the marraige yada yada but you get some little snippets from others. I experience it often. Some men give that little something that Mr Jones doesn't. It doesn't mean I love him less. It doesn't mean I want to run off with these other men or bring them home with me. They give me a little snippet of confidence, intellectual stimulation or teach me something about my body I didn't know. I am still married to Mr Jones 'for eternity'. I am happy with our arrangement and my life. Do I get absolutely every little thing that I need in my life from my marraige? No. Does this make me a bad person? No. It makes me honest.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I find it somewhat amusing that only two SINGLE people have commented and yet there are numerous couples justifying thier actions.
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RHP User
14 years ago
No one is going to change your mine either so I guess we may be tarred with the same brush. If I am close-minded, then maybe you are as well. Good luck and happy swinging.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'threeforus' Fi....11 spelling mistakes that time...ummmmHave you all got nothing better to do with your time than carry on with this ridiculaour nitpicking on spelling? .....ummmmm Quoting 'SexySaffers'Fionabee I think the site you are looking is eharmony May I suggest that you read the rest of the posts then and if you really want to have a look at my profile try reading it the next time you look. This site is not exclusively for couples who like to swing. It is an adult social and networking site as well. Many are on here for more than swinging with thier partners. It may even surprize you the number of people who are NOT on here for sex at all. l Mr and Mrs Jones.....Thankyou...finally someone who actually read what I wrote instead of leaping up and down first.
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RHP User
14 years ago
But I can see the attraction of group sex despite tending to be monogamous when in a relationship. Flirtation is fun! And I think I would feel safer in a group sex environment if with a partner I trusted totally. Actually I first joined RHP because I am curious about swinging and wanted to meet someone who was interested in the lifestyle with a view to exploring it together.Mr Pollux, I love the fact that you have shared your vulnerability so openly. So to answer your question yummy, I don't think you are bored or dissatisfied. I think you are sexually liberated people who recognise love and ownership are not the same thing. WPG
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi , I am married , love my wife ,she is my best friend, but she is very boring sexually for me.She doesnt have the same problem with me and we have sex regularly .Dont get me wrong , I have tried to kink her up , and if in the end I am successful , even better. Men are often able to detatch emotions from the sexual side.btw nowhere in our vows was there any mention of fidelity sexually.We dont own each other .I am not looking for romance but kink, I am unlikely to throw my life away for kink. Yes I feel guilt , but that is my problem.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well said badkitty we totally agree with your comments and are here for the same reason as you guys ! We are committed to each other and have met some lovely cpls such as badkitty from this site.It is the few that spoil it for everyone on this site, as they are not in a happy relationship and use this as an excuse or a way to try and fix it.We would never play with another cpl or single without both being present and have total respect and love for each other.badkitty sums up everything in their comments as far as love for each other goes, its great to meet people like this.
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RHP User
14 years ago
We have been married for over 30 years and I told my wife I was bisexual before we got married (silly girl still married me “lol”) but we work on honesty, love and friendship and find sex with other is just something we both like, so we do a little soft swinging big deal... if people don’t like what we do they can piss off and do their own thing and leave other’s alone, they are just jealous. PSS I have a licence to have sex, isn't that why ya get married..... so you can do it :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Fiona you have every right to voice your opinion. Thats what these forums are for. BUT I thought about voicing my thoughts to you, not as a stab, but to hopefully help you understand where we couples come from. You're statments about couples being on here because they must have something missing or wrong in their relationship is ludicrous. We have played with other couples and single guys purely for sexual fun, and when I say sexual fun, I mean as it says...FUN, we're not on here to seek love, or to find a soul mate... just doesnt make any sense. So when you stated the other comment about "what happens if we find something better on here".... well, we are'nt on here to look for love, we have loved each other for over 20 years, and it gets stronger each day.. Aaaaand I can assure you that these words are not sugar coated. It may be hard for you to believe that people on here are actually in love, just because they play doesnt give you the right to say that something is wrong with their marriage..I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them????
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RHP User
14 years ago
OP question: is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatissfied in thier marriage??? I think people not involved in the swinging scene probably do have this perception, however, in our experience this is NOT the general perception of people we have met through RHP. As for Fiona's question; What is it you are looking for you don't have at home. For us swinging is just another form of physical enjoyment that we can share together, more of a hobby really. We could have taken up another hobby or sport I guess but we both enjoy sex so why not swing. Fiona needs to realize that there is much much more to a successful relationship that just sex. A successful relationship has trust, commitment, devotion and intamacy to name just a few. We have sex with other people but we make love only with each other. It's not about looking for something that you don't have at home, it's about being able to have something in addition to what you get at home. See it for what it is, it is a physical activity that is fun and feels good. I think couples whe genuinely enjoy swinging together have relationships as strong if not stronger than non-swinging couples. I say this because these couples generally don't get jealous seeing their partner with other people and I believe that if you get jealous you're either insecure with yourself or your relationship. Just my thoughts S
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? I think this pretty much sums it all up. Everyone needs to respect other peoples right to be here without making assumptions about their personal life and relationships.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'SexySaffers'Fionabee I think the site you are looking is eharmony I think you are right, I wonder if the book that she is quoting from about wedding vows and the only one, is the same one that promotes saving yourself till you are married.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thankyou Bad kitty, CNS_Playtime and Prettyhot cpl....... The word is FUN! At least I know the meaning of it. MRS SRFUN (LOL)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' Fiona you have every right to voice your opinion. Thats what these forums are for. BUT I thought about voicing my thoughts to you, not as a stab, but to hopefully help you understand where we couples come from. You're statments about couples being on here because they must have something missing or wrong in their relationship is ludicrous. The question...are you dissatisfied? YES YOU ARE. ONE CAN NOT AND DOES SUPPLY ALL YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS We have played with other couples and single guys purely for sexual fun, and when I say sexual fun, I mean as it . It may be hard for you to believe that people on here are actually in love, just because they play doesnt give you the right to say that something is wrong with their marriage..I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. I never once said this at all. I never mentioned that somethig was wrong. I clearly and succinctly answered the OP which was directed at the perception of singles. Are you single? Stop trying to put words in my mouth. l My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? They do. People constantly tell my daughter she has something wrong with her because she does not want children or marriage. On forum and off. l l Fiona needs to realize that there is much much more to a successful relationship that just sex. A successful relationship has trust, commitment, devotion and intamacy to name just a few. Do you honestly think that at my age and having had a relationship (monogamous) for over 20 years I dont know this? Please do not be so arrogant. l l TO CLARIFY.....YET AGAIN l Firstly, I have absolutely NO moral stance on swinging or playing outside of the marriage. In fact I personally cannot understand why people get married anyway. BUt each to thier own. It is because they can, yes I understand that. l The original question..... "is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatissfied in thier marriage???"and this is what I addressed my answer to. I am so very glad that at least ONE couple had the sense to actually READ what I wrote here which was (and here I cut and paste to get it right for you all. l "At the risk of banging my head against a brick wall.......yet again.......if you were perfectly satisfied by your partner you would not be looking for something else now would you? So clearly those who swing or have open relationships are not completely satisfied within the relationship." l "You may not be unhappy.....but how satisfied would you be with one person and one only? And that was the original question was it not? Do I perceive you as unhappy/disatisfied in your marriage? Yes I do. Once again...if you were perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied why are you looking for more? " And finally a cut and paste from Mr_Mrs Jones for those of you who still do not get it... l "At first I thought Fiona was condemning swingers and people in open relationships as wrong. But as I read this I realised she isn't. She is merely stating the truth. If you are looking for extra stimulation you are not getting everything from your partner." For the rest of you swingers out there? Fuck your brains out and have fun...I really dont care. BUT dont try and tell me it is not sex outside of the marriage. Dont try and tell me your partner is everything to you....why else would you need the extra stimulation? Is it fun? Yes of course it is. you dont do it because you hate it. I am not condeming anyone for thier lifestyle choices and I do have enough life experience to understand relationships. l This whole topic was asking for the input of singles and non swingers. I gave mine and the rest of you just saw what you wanted. You accuse me of being close minded, of not understanding. Yet only one of you saw what I actually wrote and not what you wanted to see. Well I challenge you couples...it is you who are close minded...all of you leaping in to defend your choices when no defence is, or ever was, needed.
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RHP User
14 years ago
My favourite meal is a tuna steak with a nice fresh salad. I could eat tuna steak every night and not get bored with it. However, If I'm offered a curry it makes a really nice change and I thoroughly enjoy it, knowing I can still have my tuna steak tomorrow. Or if I was really adventurous I could even try a tuna steak AND a curry (although I might skip the salad...) in the same meal.Just because I've enjoyed something different, it doesn't mean I will enjoy my tuna steak any less next time I have it. I've liked tuna steak since the first time I tried it...which is a long time!However....if someone wants to eat steak every night for the rest of their lives, but maybe just spice it up by cooking it a few different ways - well there is nothing wrong with that either.I'm just glad that I found a dish that I know I'll never grow tired of, and if at some point in the future then everything else is taken off the menu, I'll still be a happy man! :)Mr O
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think it’s safe to say the opinions vary and isn’t that a good thing that we all have different opinions ? But I knew it would be long before the advertisements of the world’s biggest sugar daddy hit the forums ... You’re Not Creepy hahahah oh well at least now the argument has turned humorous
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RogueGeek
14 years ago
Because we are open. I am satisfied because I have the freedom to go where and with whom I like; because my husband is open and trusting enough to not become jealous when I do; and because I am secure in the knowledge that our family and I always come first in his life. Swinging is just one of the ways my husband satisfies me... In truth, I am out swing/cheating because I am dissatisfied with myself, not my husband. As for the fun argument, some couples run together, or play sports together, or have some other mutual hobby. Some couple have their own separate hobbies. Some couples have a mix of both. CL likes to play indoor cricket. I go to pole dancing classes. Sex we enjoy pretty much any way it comes ;) Cheers, MS (the female half)
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm married. Happily, please hold the astonishment. My husband and I both have separate profiles, both clearly state our marital status. Yes, I do consider it to be sex outside my marriage. Of course it is, thats why we do it. Its outside the marriage and its added excitement. Added. Doesnt mean my marriage is lacking in excitement. Do I consider it cheating? Nah, that's for board games
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RHP User
14 years ago
Fiona, on one hand you claim not to be judging the swinging lifestyle, yet on the other you repeatedly insult people by saying they are not satisfied with their partner because they swing (and that's exactly hat you are doing, insulting people - which is why everyone is "defending" their lifestyle choice). How can you sit their and claim to be so sure that these people are unsatisfied with their partner or relationship when you don't even know them??? Do you have a PHD in human relationships? I have yet to meet a more satisfying lover than my beautiful wife, if we were never to swing again then I would still be totally satisfied in our relationship. But that's just it, my wife is my LOVER and the extra people we invite into our SEX LIFE are all there for the same reason...we all enjoy sex, watching our partners have sex and along the way we have made a few good friends who we hold in great respect . It's just good sexy fun (well most of the time, lol) enjoyed by consenting adults. I know - you don't need an explanation on what swinging is, but that's what it is to us.I understand your clarification of your original statement and what you tried to say, but your "bulldozer" approach to peoples opinions is what has bought on all your negative responses from people. Wannabyummymummy must be amazed and amused by the "mountain out of a molehill" her original post has generated - well done. In closing, I am sure that you and I (as well as the majority of people on here it would seem) will continue to disagree.So be it! It seems you may just enjoy a good argument, if your profile pic is representative of you ie; Stormy seas crashing on rocks. This is purely my personal interpretation, as wrong as it may well be. But that's exactly the attitude which you have dealt with peoples contributions to this subject. Good luck to you too, indeed. THE END.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm sorry you are right...This is coming from a single woman who isn't in a relationship... Wow you are truly an amaaaaazing woman!!! You know how people feel... What a fine gift you have.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Honey thank you... I haven't bothered to read all the other reply's , sorry but..... I too an in a open marriage....... and it is NOT an unhappy marriage. what we do have that few other don't is sexual matuirty, open discussion, and great sex the open sex is agian cause we can.... and why not.... I would rather know what we are both doing, who , when and where then have it done behind our backs. we have been married ten very happy years, (yes yes OK he still leaves the toilet seat up, but I can get past it, dutch ovens however I struggle with) and extra fun just hightens our own and contiunes our open converstation and understanding of each other. Ultimatley, NO ONE can judge or analyse anyone elses relationship or status. and one thing sites such as RHP and other has shown me is there are ALOT of very unhappily married ppl out there that are not sexually mature enough to tell each other what they want or need . For that reason alone, bring the taboo open relationship out of the closet and enjoy who you are while still maintaining a healthy, happy and long marriage.... yes i to enjoy the double flirtation of a couple profile and a single one as does my partner..... more power to us and those a like I say xxxAngel xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Expecting ONE person to fulfill and satisfy our needs both physically and emotionally places huge expecations on that person, I am yet to met anyone who can. I dont live in a fairy tail my reality is the right mix and you are satified open and honest as long as everyone involved is aware.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'eagertongue4u' Quoting 'wannabyummymummy'If i eat a great meal but the portion size is that to feed a canary and i am left feeling hungry or 'unsatisfied' does that mean i enjoy the meal any less?? of course not the food was delicious there just wasn't enough of it which will send me to the fridge looking for more, dessert anyone? So then that would indicate that the portions you get at home are not filling enough for you and hence you are "unsatisfied" in your marriage...or is it that the chef is just not on duty every night ? ET xoxHa ha ET you know i thought about that example after i hit post and thought 'hmmm that may sound wrong' it in no way means the portions are lacking at home and the chef is 'on call' at all times but the thing is that sometimes there just is no such thing as too much of a good thing.
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'Mr_MrsJones' In life we make a whole lot of friends. Why? Because there is no one friend who is going to provide you with everything you need from a friendship all of the time. So following this train of thought is it reasonable to expect that one partner or spouse is going to provide us with everything we need all of the time? I wouldn't really think so. We are conditioned FROM BIRTH to believe that there is ONE person out there who will make us happy once we find them. For some people this is the case and they live their lives blissfully happy together. For a lot of us it is not the case. We are not entirely satisfied with one partner wether that is in a sexual sense or in a more romantic sense. The problem is we are taught that if we have this feeling we are doing it wrong and so we deny, deny, deny. At first I thought Fiona was condemning swingers and people in open relationships as wrong. But as I read this I realised she isn't. She is merely stating the truth. If you are looking for extra stimulation you are not getting everything from your partner. It isn't wrong to feel this way. You can love them dearly, raise children together, be committed to the marraige yada yada but you get some little snippets from others. I experience it often. Some men give that little something that Mr Jones doesn't. It doesn't mean I love him less. It doesn't mean I want to run off with these other men or bring them home with me. They give me a little snippet of confidence, intellectual stimulation or teach me something about my body I didn't know. I am still married to Mr Jones 'for eternity'. I am happy with our arrangement and my life. Do I get absolutely every little thing that I need in my life from my marraige? No. Does this make me a bad person? No. It makes me honest. we so badly need a 'like' button on these forums, i have nothing to add to this what so ever I think you hit the nail on the head
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'WildPaganGypsy' But I can see the attraction of group sex despite tending to be monogamous when in a relationship. Flirtation is fun! And I think I would feel safer in a group sex environment if with a partner I trusted totally. Actually I first joined RHP because I am curious about swinging and wanted to meet someone who was interested in the lifestyle with a view to exploring it together.Mr Pollux, I love the fact that you have shared your vulnerability so openly. So to answer your question yummy, I don't think you are bored or dissatisfied. I think you are sexually liberated people who recognise love and ownership are not the same thing. WPG Thanks WPG, what a lovely way to look at it
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' Fiona you have every right to voice your opinion. Thats what these forums are for. BUT I thought about voicing my thoughts to you, not as a stab, but to hopefully help you understand where we couples come from. You're statments about couples being on here because they must have something missing or wrong in their relationship is ludicrous. We have played with other couples and single guys purely for sexual fun, and when I say sexual fun, I mean as it says...FUN, we're not on here to seek love, or to find a soul mate... just doesnt make any sense. So when you stated the other comment about "what happens if we find something better on here".... well, we are'nt on here to look for love, we have loved each other for over 20 years, and it gets stronger each day.. Aaaaand I can assure you that these words are not sugar coated. It may be hard for you to believe that people on here are actually in love, just because they play doesnt give you the right to say that something is wrong with their marriage..I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? I think it is all in the delivery at the end of the day, i get what fiona is saying on some level and in some ways i possibly agree with her however sometimes intent and context can be lost in the written word and so it is important to as you say, 'choose your words carefully' i know i dont always get my delivery right either i am a work in progress
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RHP User
14 years ago
This has been terrific reading all the different perspectives, but for me, simply, and as a single, I agree with FionaBee.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well yes, I do this because I am dissatisfied. When I first jumped on RHP because it was because I was single and hanging out for some sexual fun without any attachment or relationship issues. Then the dreaded relationship reared its ugly head but the man I chose decided that he would prefer to work on the other side of the world than stay here with me (not sure what that says about our relationship either). This causes some logistical issues when you start getting a bit toey. I have a really high sex drive and I have to tell you that going for 3 months with no sex and then only once or twice when he is on break really doesnt do it for me. After a year and a half in this situation we have come to an agreement and I now play on my own, and when he has the opportunity he plays on his own too. I tell him when I play and he likes to hear all the details.....I am not so sure he tells me every time he does. I dont think that this kind of relationship creates more open communication because people are used to having to lie about these things and it is a hard habit to break. We both get jealous, it is not the ideal situation. When we are together and play with others there is no jealousy but we obviously would not be playing with others if we were totally satisfied with each other would we? So to answer your question, I am on here because I am completely dissatisfied with what I am getting from my partner...now I am depressed...thanks for highlighting the problems I have with my partner ;)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Unfortunately for me my ex neglected to tell me anything about his cd/tv habit or his sexuality before we were married. It was only 12 years later when he told me he was leaving that a little digging on my part found emails going back many years that showed the lifestyle he had been living over many years of our marriage without my knowledge. Sure looking back there were signs but when you have total love, trust and respect for someone (especially when they betray themselves as totally monogamous with relationships outside the relationship being totally unacceptable) little signs tend to go by unnoticed. Sad thing is that had he (or is it she) been honest then we may have been able to have a bit of fun and some form of relationship may still exist now. Trouble is the betrayal over the course of the marriage and the continued lies and deceit that continue have left no room for a friendship at all. Open relationships and swinging can only be a good thing if it means the relationship is based on honesty. Sex is only part of a relationship not the be all and end all so if it keeps you both happy and you want to swing then swing. I have far more respect for you than those married handing out the story that my partner doesn’t understand me and having a string of sexual encounters without their partners knowledge.
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RHP User
14 years ago
We have been swinging for 8 years and no we are not having a go at your comment but the reason we enjoy swinging is purely for the fun that can be had..The benefits of being a couple is that there is never an empty bed in the morning.. We believe a couple MUST be in a 100 % committed relationship and be totally secure if not DON'T go there.Just our adviseCheers Quoting 'fionabee' And I will state again..... My perception...... .......as I am certain certain couples are just gonna get thier knickers in a knot here. l Personally, I dont care what couples, do. They may play separately, they may play together, indulge in wild foursomes and moresomes. It is thier business. It is not now, nor will it ever be my thing. When I commit myself to one...it is one only. A person goes looking for what is lacking on the home front, even if it is only variety. It constantly amazes me that some couples carry on all the time about how wonderful, how fantastic thier partners are, the love of thier lives yadda, yadda, yadda and yet why are they looking for more? More what.... if the partner is that good? Married people get hammered all the time for playing around without thier partners knowledge...and I dont even want to go there as this question is not really about "cheaters" but in my veiw, you are doing the same thing. It is still cheating. You have set aside your marriage vows and are operating as flatmates, parents in common and occassional lovers in order to open your beds to others. So what is the point of remaining together? For the sake of the kids? But we love each other? Yes but not forsaking all others anymore is it? To me a committed relationship is just that.....committed......to each other. Otherwise what is the point of the marriage / relationship? l IMO
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RHP User
14 years ago
*stands and applaudes* (and not mockingly lol) Quoting 'BadKitty007'Fionabee, your opinion is most definately been made clear and you are most welcome to stick with it. I guess it just boils down to not everyone is the same...thank fuck for that or what a boring world we would live in. Swinging for us is just uncomplicated fun, plain and simple. We don't have any issues at all, we have complete trust in each other. It's just uncomplicated sexy fun- nothing more -nothing less.My work sometimes takes me away for months at a time and I have no desire to cheat on my wife whilst away, unlike some of my so called "happily married colleagues" do. They go home and pretend to be happily married, but deep down have no respect for themselves, their wives or the women the fuck on the sly. So therefore if I was unsatisfied with my relationship/partner, I surely would have used these opportunities away from my wife to fulfill my apparently lacking relationship. Never have - never will. One thing I have noted in our experiences is that not all who participate in this lifestyle have the right "headspace" to deal with it, and that's when it becomes dangerous to a relationship. It will always remain a fact that some people will only ever see their opinion as valid, and nothing I say or anyone else who posts on this forum subject will sway people like Fionabee. Nor should it. Because it is narrow minded people like this, that make me appreciate even more my fantastic wife, the trust and love we have for each other, and the beautiful sexy experiences we have shared with other like minded people.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Can someone please let me know, why most swingers are people a little bit older? no offense intended at all!!! just noticing a trend, which i might add i think is a shame!, im 25 an love group parties, swinging couples etc etc, and believe me don't mind playing with older couples/people, but was wondering what people think the reason is that inhibits younger people from joining in the fun?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Fiona has some degree of justification for their thoughts. I've been battling my wife to try someswinging with other couples but after a long time (we're talking years) she finally decided it's "not for her". I have had wild times but she did not want to know what I'm up to... fair enough, but it has put a strain on our relationship... so I have decided to pull the plug on my activities :-) and maybe see if we can wait for the relationship to mature a bit - maybe we'll discover it together, and as I am getting older I am figuring out that I am pretty content just with that tuna salad (and nit even hungry every day as I used to be :-)On the other hand if I could introduce my better half to pretty hot couple they might be able to explain it all to us soooo much better !!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I dont often come on the forums, but im glad i did with this one! Just for the record I am currently single have never "cheated" on a partner, never had another come into any relationship, or been involved with anothers. Having said all of that if two people are mature enough to decide that thats what the want out of a relationship - so be it! Why is it that the haters out there preach that about swingers having to justify their actions or sugar coating their actions? If people in a relationship want to extend a mortgage on a house thats nsbodies business, but if they want to swing - well thats a different story. The way I see it swinging or not being monagamous is just another relationship desicion. One that shouldnt have to be justified to anybody but the people involved. If you want to call it swinging, call it swinging! Its your right to call it whatever you like. Whist everyone is entitled to their opinions - to all the couples out their - please dont think all singles think the same as Fionabee!!!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
i thought we were having a great time together too..turns out that she was doing it all along for my pleasure... so we seperated yesterday :(
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'justenough' Quoting 'SexySaffers'Fionabee I think the site you are looking is eharmony I think you are right, I wonder if the book that she is quoting from about wedding vows and the only one, is the same one that promotes saving yourself till you are married. agreed, if swingers are so nasty and evil...go to another site.. stop shit canning everyone for having an opinion ...zzzzzz
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'AdventureTime' Quoting 'justenough' Quoting 'SexySaffers'Fionabee I think the site you are looking is eharmony I think you are right, I wonder if the book that she is quoting from about wedding vows and the only one, is the same one that promotes saving yourself till you are married. agreed, if swingers are so nasty and evil...go to another site.. stop shit canning everyone for having an opinion ...zzzzzz Are we actually on the same topic here? Where did anyone promote saving yourself until marriage? Where did anyone say that swingers are nasty and evil? Maybe you would like to stop shit canning me for MY opinion and actually read a little of what I have said.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks Wannabyummymummy. The tone of the delivery is also important I believe. That is why I am following this Forum Post. I don't usaully. Just really interested what will happen next...... It has been very entertaining indeed. Thank you all. MRS SRFUN
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well what a lovely day ; ) Firstly being a bit of hippies at heart we live by the view that true love is not based on attachment. For us the buck stops there! People may have any opinion but it is of no matter due to the fact that people by thier very nature are failible. We acknowledged and accepted this whilst my wife and I were courting. We both were what you would call that non four letter word if I may say in this forum ( Sluts ) and very very individual people. So I guess you could say that we are two best mates that got married that have lots of lovers that love us both very much, That in turn would never see harm come between what we all have because that is the basis of true love. People get tied up around the axels over petty shit lets face it you only live once and after all we are FUCKING HIGHER MAMMALS! and that's the fundamental truth! Peace Out People Happy Toe Curling!
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RHP User
14 years ago
OK...I am going to way in here now...as a single...and as someone who was once a couple on this site . I have never been a faithfull person...and until recently did not think that I could find someone who could give me everything I needed sexually (and am pleasantly being constantly surprised at being wrong)...in fact when I began my last relationship (the one in which we were a couple on here) I told him I wasnt a faithful person and if he didnt like it he knew where the door was... . From my own experience...I would say that those couples who indulge in either a swinging or open relationship (or some combination of both) are dissatsified with some aspect of their sexual lives...be it a bisexual male/female wanting the same gender touch...be it the variety of partners...the thrill of meeting someone new...the expression of their kinks...or the fact their sex drive is higher than their partners...there is something missing for them... /. I dont condemn...I've been there...and all of the above reasons I listed are reasons why we were on here...it just seems that if you partner was perfect for you wouldnt be here.... . Perfect : complete in all respects; without defect or omission; sound; flawless . Kisses Focus PS - no my ex obviously wasnt perfect for me.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' Fiona you have every right to voice your opinion. Thats what these forums are for. BUT I thought about voicing my thoughts to you, not as a stab, but to hopefully help you understand where we couples come from. You're statments about couples being on here because they must have something missing or wrong in their relationship is ludicrous. The question...are you dissatisfied? YES YOU ARE. ONE CAN NOT AND DOES SUPPLY ALL YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS We have played with other couples and single guys purely for sexual fun, and when I say sexual fun, I mean as it . It may be hard for you to believe that people on here are actually in love, just because they play doesnt give you the right to say that something is wrong with their marriage..I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. I never once said this at all. I never mentioned that somethig was wrong. I clearly and succinctly answered the OP which was directed at the perception of singles. Are you single? Stop trying to put words in my mouth. My apologies with regards to this, I wasnt trying to put words in your mouth My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? They do. People constantly tell my daughter she has something wrong with her because she does not want children or marriage. On forum and off. This did not answer my question about YOU, and also the assumptions you make about people you dont even know. l Fiona needs to realize that there is much much more to a successful relationship that just sex. A successful relationship has trust, commitment, devotion and intamacy to name just a few. Do you honestly think that at my age and having had a relationship (monogamous) for over 20 years I dont know this? Please do not be so arrogant. This has just shown everyone reading and commenting on this forum that you have totally contradicted yourself. My question to you Fiona... WITHOUT KNOWING WHY YOUR 20 YEAR RELATIONSHIP FAILED...if infact it has, i am assuming that it is no longer a relationship as you stated HAD!! You were obviously very unhappy with that arrangement..I have been married for 20 years and have known my husband for 25, if that's not enough for you to comprehend the understanding that nothing is missing in our relationship and that we are totally secure and dare I say very happy, then Im afraid there is no way in hell that you will ever find what we and alot of couples on this site have. Very unfortunate I say. Good luck to you l"At the risk of banging my head against a brick wall.......yet again.......if you were perfectly satisfied by your partner you would not be looking for something else now would you? So clearly those who swing or have open relationships are not completely satisfied within the relationship." Just to add to this ridiculous comment!!!! I actually love seeing my partner fooling around with another woman. So in actual fact.... Its me that is getting the visual pleasure of seeing such things. Lets just say for a moment that what you say is true...vomit... about not being satisfied by our partners, ...Let me explain or clarify this statement...the sex I have with my partner comes with love, trust, friendship, partnership, connection and knowing what each other love....with a playmate its sex, nothing else... a dick is a dick..lol. Hey its a bit like watching porn, have you ever watched porn Fiona??... Does that make you unhappy or dissatisfied in your relationship??? Can you see how pathetic your comments are?? l "You may not be unhappy.....but how satisfied would you be with one person and one only? And that was the original question was it not? Do I perceive you as unhappy/disatisfied in your marriage? Yes I do. Once again...if you were perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied why are you looking for more? " And finally a cut and paste from Mr_Mrs Jones for those of you who still do not get it... l "At first I thought Fiona was condemning swingers and people in open relationships as wrong. But as I read this I realised she isn't. She is merely stating the truth. If you are looking for extra stimulation you are not getting everything from your partner." For the rest of you swingers out there? Fuck your brains out and have fun...I really dont care. BUT dont try and tell me it is not sex outside of the marriage. Dont try and tell me your partner is everything to you....why else would you need the extra stimulation? Is it fun? Yes of course it is. you dont do it because you hate it. I am not condeming anyone for thier lifestyle choices and I do have enough life experience to understand relationships. l This whole topic was asking for the input of singles and non swingers. I gave mine and the rest of you just saw what you wanted. You accuse me of being close minded, of not understanding. Yet only one of you saw what I actually wrote and not what you wanted to see. Well I challenge you couples...it is you who are close minded...all of you leaping in to defend your choices when no defence is, or ever was, needed. This is a good one...As my first comment to you was that I was not having a stab at your comments... All I was trying to do was to HELP you understand what my thoughts were as a COUPLE...I absolutely failed that attempt. If you didnt so blaitently accuse people that they were dissatisfied about their marriages, (funny as you are not in a relationship) then you wouldnt have gotten slammed so hard. I totally understand where you are coming from with your thoughts. (especially if couples are on here to try to saviour something in their marriage) But you need to stop accusing people that they are dissatisfied. There is ALOT of couples on here that have everything they need. I wish you all the best Fiona :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Charles_Dickens' I have an additional question(s) to ask in all this... I like reading the couples views here...BUT... why is it that most couples only play with females or couples...? Its about variety,for both of us. do men ruin it for others...? They can be a bit rough,but the husband misses out....unless he is bi. why don't some couples allow two single people to join in so it becomes a small orgy say FM x FM could be swinging, could be some bi play as well... as a man with different females in my life, I can never get a couple to come and play with me and one of my girls... why is this just so hard...? We have played with two singles not living together thats not a problem to us, But we expect them to be in a relationship. If they are married to others its just too much like hard work. We will not do a lunch time fuck in a motel. what can't a single man and a single woman (playmates) be allowed to have dinner with a couple and play later....just as couples do with other couples.... We and are going back to basics of trying to meet 2-3 couples that we play with exclusively. The safe sex issue is of a concern and we feel safer with married couples in long term full relations. We don't care if we don't get laid for 12 months or ever, it just does not matter we are not accepting anything less than what we want....we don't do the party / club scene and have sex with 2-4 complete strangers in a night ! I do know some couples also swing with same sexes.... We think that is the requirement of 95% of modern swingers. I hope you guys in this forum can shed some answers...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'CnS_Playtime' OP question: is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatissfied in thier marriage??? I think people not involved in the swinging scene probably do have this perception, however, in our experience this is NOT the general perception of people we have met through RHP. As for Fiona's question; What is it you are looking for you don't have at home. For us swinging is just another form of physical enjoyment that we can share together, more of a hobby really. We could have taken up another hobby or sport I guess but we both enjoy sex so why not swing. Fiona needs to realize that there is much much more to a successful relationship that just sex. A successful relationship has trust, commitment, devotion and intamacy to name just a few. We have sex with other people but we make love only with each other. It's not about looking for something that you don't have at home, it's about being able to have something in addition to what you get at home. See it for what it is, it is a physical activity that is fun and feels good. I think couples whe genuinely enjoy swinging together have relationships as strong if not stronger than non-swinging couples. I say this because these couples generally don't get jealous seeing their partner with other people and I believe that if you get jealous you're either insecure with yourself or your relationship. Just my thoughts S This answer would have to say most of what the couples opinions here is about .. But the questioni believe was asked of singles and non swinging people .. so I shall give mine as having been both a swinging couple in the past .. a monogomous marriage in the past... and open relationship of recent times.. and now a liberated single .. the couples / married / open relationship situation can in all honesty be a 50 / 50 situation .. as most couples here have said their relationship is full and fun and trusting and they do it for the pleasure... other people have said .. they do it because they were dissatisfied with what they had at home and wanted more / better / alternative An open relationship would be one of communication , faith, trust , and it is possible to have this with or without the registered piece of paper and the gold band. It is the married, dissatisfied relationship that ends up being a play situation, not a swinging situation .. and most if not all times that is the cheeting situation.... but as one poster said .. thats his problem alone that he has to cope with .. and as Fionebee said .. as she plays with married men .. it is thier problem wether their wives know or not .. same as me .. I have been in play as a 3rd person at either the males request - desire / or the femails request - desire .. I have been in play with a friend in a 4some situation with a married couple which could be considered swinging. I personall look at swinging as learning a new aspect of a situation .. you marry or have a steady relationship with some one .. you are not unhappy with them, but you need a little extra to learn to bring back into the relationship at a latter date ,.. its a bit like learning to sew .Your mother teaches you how to use a sewing machine and how to sew as she did .. . you can sew plain material in a straight stitch .... you are not dissatisfied with your sewing but you realise there is more to sewing that just straight stitch as mum used to do .. so you learn stretch stitch and button holes and you buy an overlocker....... sewing like sex with other or swinging .. is all a learning curve .. some people do it because they are unhappy with just the straight situation .. some do it whilst content with the base line .. to further their education. Just my two cents worth here .. do what you feel comfortable and contented in doing open and honest and without the consciousness of deliberately causing hurt or pain to anyone else .. unless you have the stamina and fortitude to weather the storm when it comes ..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' Fiona you have every right to voice your opinion. Thats what these forums are for. BUT I thought about voicing my thoughts to you, not as a stab, but to hopefully help you understand where we couples come from. You're statments about couples being on here because they must have something missing or wrong in their relationship is ludicrous. The question...are you dissatisfied? YES YOU ARE. ONE CAN NOT AND DOES SUPPLY ALL YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS We have played with other couples and single guys purely for sexual fun, and when I say sexual fun, I mean as it . It may be hard for you to believe that people on here are actually in love, just because they play doesnt give you the right to say that something is wrong with their marriage..I suppose once you meet your man/woman, that you too might view things differently. I never once said this at all. I never mentioned that somethig was wrong. I clearly and succinctly answered the OP which was directed at the perception of singles. Are you single? Stop trying to put words in my mouth. My apologies for that, I didnt try to put words in your mouth. My bad!! My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? They do. People constantly tell my daughter she has something wrong with her because she does not want children or marriage. On forum and off. My question was clearly to YOU not your daughter (there was no need to mention her at all) nor did you state anything about making assumptions. l l Fiona needs to realize that there is much much more to a successful relationship that just sex. A successful relationship has trust, commitment, devotion and intamacy to name just a few. Do you honestly think that at my age and having had a relationship (monogamous) for over 20 years I dont know this? Please do not be so arrogant. This comment has totally contradicted anything that you have stated on this forum topic. I am assuming that after 20 years in a monogomous relationship you and your partner were not happy with your lives together... correct me if I am wrong... So I am coming to the conclusion that you cannot comprehend the fact that couples that are on this site are committed 100% and are not dissatisfied with their lives (in bed and out) I have been married to my husband for 21 years and have known him for almost half of my 41 years of living. If that is not enough for you to get your head around that is your loss. You obviously have not had or I can now say never find true happiness in a relationship because of your negativity. (and you may not want to be in a relationship) and thats fine too. ll "At the risk of banging my head against a brick wall.......yet again.......if you were perfectly satisfied by your partner you would not be looking for something else now would you? So clearly those who swing or have open relationships are not completely satisfied within the relationship." This is to answer this ridiculous question AGAIN. In actual fact, I enjoy seeing my partner fooling around with another woman, so it is me that is getting the sexy visuals from him playing, and when I have sex with my husband, its made from love, friendship, trust and a shit load more, but when Im with a playmate, its just sex....a cock (sorry) is just a cock. Its just fun.. its a bit like porn.. Have you ever watched porn Fiona???? does this make you dissatisfied with your partner??? I think not... Just take a breath and listen to what people are saying. Take some notes so you can rephrase them in your head. We are 100% HAPPY with our marriage and nothing is missing. Lets just say that there isnt anything that I can think of to make my life with my husband more perfect...So stop accusing people that they are unhappy. its just you in denial!!! I do sincerely wish you all the best. l "You may not be unhappy.....but how satisfied would you be with one person and one only? And that was the original question was it not? Do I perceive you as unhappy/disatisfied in your marriage? Yes I do. Once again...if you were perfectly happy, perfectly satisfied why are you looking for more? " And finally a cut and paste from Mr_Mrs Jones for those of you who still do not get it... l "At first I thought Fiona was condemning swingers and people in open relationships as wrong. But as I read this I realised she isn't. She is merely stating the truth. If you are looking for extra stimulation you are not getting everything from your partner." For the rest of you swingers out there? Fuck your brains out and have fun...I really dont care. BUT dont try and tell me it is not sex outside of the marriage. Dont try and tell me your partner is everything to you....why else would you need the extra stimulation? Is it fun? Yes of course it is. you dont do it because you hate it. I am not condeming anyone for thier lifestyle choices and I do have enough life experience to understand relationships. l This whole topic was asking for the input of singles and non swingers. I gave mine and the rest of you just saw what you wanted. You accuse me of being close minded, of not understanding. Yet only one of you saw what I actually wrote and not what you wanted to see. Well I challenge you couples...it is you who are close minded...all of you leaping in to defend your choices when no defence is, or ever was, needed.
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RHP User
14 years ago
the questions asked by WBYM was: . "is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatissfied in thier marriage???" . I wonder for those who are new to swinging / open relationships...did you perceive those who were already swinging / open relationships as being unhappy??? dissastisified??? Regardless of your thoughts now - what about what you thought back then??? . Perception: A way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression . Kisses Focus
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Quoting 'de_mystifyde' Well yes, I do this because I am dissatisfied. When I first jumped on RHP because it was because I was single and hanging out for some sexual fun without any attachment or relationship issues. Then the dreaded relationship reared its ugly head but the man I chose decided that he would prefer to work on the other side of the world than stay here with me (not sure what that says about our relationship either). This causes some logistical issues when you start getting a bit toey. I have a really high sex drive and I have to tell you that going for 3 months with no sex and then only once or twice when he is on break really doesnt do it for me. After a year and a half in this situation we have come to an agreement and I now play on my own, and when he has the opportunity he plays on his own too. I tell him when I play and he likes to hear all the details.....I am not so sure he tells me every time he does. I dont think that this kind of relationship creates more open communication because people are used to having to lie about these things and it is a hard habit to break. We both get jealous, it is not the ideal situation. When we are together and play with others there is no jealousy but we obviously would not be playing with others if we were totally satisfied with each other would we? So to answer your question, I am on here because I am completely dissatisfied with what I am getting from my partner...now I am depressed...thanks for highlighting the problems I have with my partner ;)I am so sorry to hear that de_mystifyed that is a sad story indeed but if you are getting what you need out of this site then power to you girl i hope happier times come your way real soon.I suppose this does highlight the fact that not ALL couples who have open relationships do so in ideal circumstances
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
Oh come on are you serious?? there are heaps of younger couples on here, do a search by age and you will see there is a large number of under 20's to 35's and above i think it is just that the 'younger ones' are so busy having sex they dont get on the forums much LMAO Quoting 'new2darwin11' Can someone please let me know, why most swingers are people a little bit older? no offense intended at all!!! just noticing a trend, which i might add i think is a shame!, im 25 an love group parties, swinging couples etc etc, and believe me don't mind playing with older couples/people, but was wondering what people think the reason is that inhibits younger people from joining in the fun?
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wannabyummymummy
14 years ago
valid points indeed Focus from someone who has been on multiple sides of the fence So far from the (at times) heated debate i have come to many conclusions:1) not every couple who swings or has an open relationship does so in ideal circumstances or for what might be considered 'the right reasons'2) not all single people feel (perceive) that those of us who swing/open relationship are unhappy/dissatisfied though single people definitely have a different view/opinion on this topic to couples3) dissatisfied does not equal unhappy in fact they are two different feelings and i should have worded the original question better.4) this is a topic that has ruffled a few feathers when that was never my intention but at the end of the day i think the differing views made it interesting reading.I value the opinions of everyone who has posted and would like to thank even those who don't normally post for thier contributions i hope you continue to post more regularly as it is nice to hear some different points of view.Happy swinging everyone (or not as the case may be)
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RHP User
14 years ago
This comment has totally contradicted anything that you have stated on this forum topic. Has it really? All I did say was that you do not get full satisfaction from within your relationship. Something you agree with. I am assuming that after 20 years in a monogomous relationship you and your partner were not happy with your lives together... correct me if I am wrong.. Read below for the correction. So I am coming to the conclusion that you cannot comprehend the fact that couples that are on this site are committed 100% and are not dissatisfied with their lives (in bed and out) I have been married to my husband for 21 years and have known him for almost half of my 41 years of living. If that is not enough for you to get your head around that is your loss. You obviously have not had or I can now say never find true happiness in a relationship because of your negativity. What a load of horse pucky. Considering you do not know me how can you possibly make this assumption? Anyone knows that a negative and a positive attract and two positives repel (and you may not want to be in a relationship) and thats fine too l The man I loved with all my heart, the one I would have followed to the end of time died over 25 years ago. He drowned. I came to Australia to start a new life and the man I had my relationship with was in a car accident and sustained a permanent brain injury. He went out one night and the person who finally came out of the coma seven days later and finally came home one month after that looked and sounded like the man I fell in love with but it was not him. It never was any more. After 15 years of emotional abuse, the abuse finally turned physical and that is when I left. So yes you are so very wrong. As for mentioning my daughter...I did so as you asked what I would think if people said there was something wrong with singles. She is single and people do say there is something wrong. Many people ASSUME that I am single now because I hate men. I can live with that as they are entitled to their PERCEPTION. l Let me clarify it once more and see if we cannot unbunch those shorts of yours..... You are gaining a measure of satisfaction OUTSIDE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. You may do this for fun, variety or whatever reason. The fact remains that you are not gaining FULL SATISFACTION from within your relationship and therefore there is a measure of dissatisfaction. You may think I have never found true happiness and you would be wrong. Twice I have and twice I have lost that. I am not negative at all. You are just continually missinterpreting what I am saying and that is something that YOU cannot get your head around. If you stopped, took off your blinkers and really looked at what I am saying you would see that your interpretation is so wrong. I am not accusing anyone of being unhappy. Do you gain sexual satisfaction from another? Do you gain a measure of pleasure from watching your husband with another? If you answered yes then obviously not all of your sexual satisfaction comes from within your relationship. Is that basic enough for you? It has nothing to do with how committed you are. Nothing to do with how much you love each other. It is all about sexual satisfaction from outside the relationship and you have already admitted that you get that. l l Maybe you should stop with the angst. Stop seeing what you want to see. Stop telling me I am closed minded and start removing the blinkers on your own eyes. You seem to emit a huge amount of anger for one so happy.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Singles were asked for thier perception so why am I being critisized for being single? Dont think that only couples know what it is like to be in a relationship, happy or otherwise for that is arrogant in the extreme.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Pot Calling Kettle Black! MRS SRFUN
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RHP User
14 years ago
The old saying "pot calling kettle black" comes to mind....... MRS SRFUN
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RHP User
14 years ago
My perceptions have changed. I think societal expectations around monogamy influence a persons views as does their life experiences. I have recently become the extra cog in an open relationship. At first I probably did have the perception that it equated to unhappiness or dissatisfaction and did find it a little hard to understand how people can have such an open relationship. I am coming to understand exactly what previous couples have posted here ..... It is just additional fun to be enjoyed. It doesn't lessen the feelings and/or commitment that two people have but often enhances it. I think it can only work with total trust, honesty, feeling secure and communication in a relationship and the mindset of the single that It is not an extra marital relationship. It has taken me awhile to learn and understand this but it is always a good day when you learn something new and the friendships you make only enhance my life. Cissy
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RHP User
14 years ago
The OP asks........ Is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatisfied in their marriage??? The question is directed at singles and non swinging people, so that really covers everyone. 1/ When we go swinging, we tell people who have to know only, that we went out to dinner, or to so and so place for dinner and couple drinks, a 40th...50th party etc vanilla stuff. We don't tell others we go out to have sex with others, or to a orgy, So in real life the question / impression of others we never experience, its a non event. 2/ Open relationships, We are guessing a bit here, When one half of the couple goes out with a single on a date without their partner, "Yes we can see that single thinking you are unhappy in your marriage" with the obvious risks attached. If you hooked up with someone else in a open relationship the risk would not be as great or not there at all. But in both cases "Why are you telling people that you sleep around or go to orgies", You are asking for a unpredictable response, as seen in this thread which is surprising...well maybe not..lol Should the answer be "Don't Kiss and Tell?" For us the only place swinging is discussed is on this Forum, or with other swingers!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi charles, for us it's never been a problem. We at time change our page that we are looking for men. This is usually at my wife request, this is due to being inundated by single men. Don't get us wrong my wife loves group attention however it is usually with friend that we know and trust. We live in a predomantely open marriage due to our work commitments and it is what works for us and has for many years. My wife has many lovers that most are my mates as well. Mutually the same as my lovers. Its great when we all catch up, Good times had by all it's all about mutual trust and we both love the stories a pics when we come home. I say it enhances our love and attraction holisticlly for each other and has made our friendship and marrige stonger. So as an answer to you question ??? not in our experiance Have a great day mate
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RHP User
14 years ago
Take care, Hope you find peace mate
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RHP User
14 years ago
please will RHP make a button to block profiles on forums? iam sick to death of reading 1 or 2 self centred people on here..who feel its their job to keep writing crap about themeselves till everyone stops answering Get a life maybe? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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RHP User
14 years ago
Truly saddened with your loss.. Really I am.. But was there any need to justify this to the RHP forum?? You said exactly what I was saying from the beginning... Your quote "What a load of horse pucky. Considering you do not know me how can you possibly make this assumption? This is exactly the comment I was waiting for.. Thankyou now I rest my case.. Adios
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RHP User
14 years ago
These are things that I have said on the forums a time or two before. Why would couples assume that a single person is single because they have failed relationships? Dont most on here have at least one of those? Why are couples saying I know nothing about relationships because I am single? I repeat...as a single person I gave My perception whic was what the question asks. If you dont like it that is fine. There is an old saying about people who protest too loudly isnt there? Are you giving your perception as a single? Or maybe a couple that does not swing? Your answers are more suited to the topic "Why do we do it?" l Premethius...I have peace thankyou. My life is exactly how I want it. l Adventuretime It is called the "stop following this topic" and it is at the top of this page. If you dont like the comments, stop reading them...how easy is that?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? They do. People constantly tell my daughter she has something wrong with her because she does not want children or marriage. On forum and off. My question was clearly to YOU not your daughter (there was no need to mention her at all) nor did you state anything about making assumptions. l lAnd are unaware of something which is quite common knowledge around here - I am the daughter Fionabee mentioned and if you wanted to take the time to go through some old forums you would see that she is right in that many people do think there is something wrong with single people who choose to be single...infact one memorable person told me I was obviously jealous because marriage wasnt on the cards for me, nor was having children...as if it wasnt my choice. You did ask (as highlighted in blue) what she would feel if people said that singles are only singles because they have something wrong with them..she answered...and while I do appreciate all the couples input who answered the question they are giving a COUPLES perspective on swinging/open relationships when the OP clearly asked singles and non swingers what they thought of couples who play. You can not be objective as a couple about what swingers think of your lfiestyle the same as I can not be objective about what couples with children do ... you are not single, I am not in a relationship nor do I have children therefore our views on the circumstances/question is different. Our views/perceptions are always clouded by our current situation. I must say though other singles have said the same thing as Fionabee and even the odd couple or two has agreed yet you pick on the one person. Please try to answer questions objectively...dont take things personally (unless they attack you personally) and at the end of the day rememeber if you dont like someone dont read their posts....very simple (I do it quite regualrly) Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
The original question:"But i guess my question is this: is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatissfied in thier marriage???"(bold mine)After reading the whole thread, I've noticed that most of the responses are from swinging couples, and are either supporting their chosen lifestyle - great, but the question wasn't addressed to them (no disrespect intended) - or having a go at Fionabee for her OPINION - to whom, as a single, the question was directed.So here's my 2c worth ('cos I'm single)..I tend to agree - at least in part - with Fionabee. Why?I wouldn't state that couples who swing or have open relationships are necessarily unhappy. In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that there would have to be a very high level of trust/respect/whatever within such a relationship. Going by the opinions stated here by the various couples, I'd say they're all happy with their relationships.Dissatisfied? In general, no. However, for one particular aspect of the relationship, yes. Simply because whatever "rewards" come from swinging or being in an open relationship would not be there if they weren't swinging. Whether it be the buzz of watching one's partner going at it with another, or having one's partner watching them, having a foursome, or whatever else can be done with two couples, it is not there within the confines of the relationship.In other words, if swinging or openness was not available to them for whatever reason, would the relationship still be the same, or would there be a feeling of something missing?I'd ask all the swinging couples this: Would you be totally happy if you had to give up swinging tomorrow?Disclaimer: I could be way off the mark here, but this is my perception as a single person in direct response to the original question as quoted above.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I must say, this is the very first time that I have ever posted anything on these forums, I usually just read them. I can tell you now from a few extra posts that I have put on with this topic, that in the end we are all here for pretty much the same reason, so let bygons be bygons and all enjoy this stage of our lives, it wont last forever so stop all the bickering and bullshit, and i admit I have done that myself, for what?? doesnt get us anywhere and there is no room for bitterness with people I dont even know. So to Fionabee... I do wish you all the best and hope you are having fun on this site. I have learnt one thing from posting my thoughts on this forum, and that is to not do it again, Im sticking to reading them only...lol. peace
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' Singles were asked for thier perception so why am I being critisized for being single? Dont think that only couples know what it is like to be in a relationship, happy or otherwise for that is arrogant in the extreme. I fully understand where you are coming from and respect your opinion. I think for many couples on here what turns them on is very different. We joined looking for fun and to add to our already great sex life. Were here because we want to experience every adventure life has to offer before we start a family and "settle down". BUT... I guess some of what you said is true for us and anyone in our situation. as a couple we got married and did the "till death do us part". BOTH of us are over the moon in love with each other. BUT some of the things that turn us on sexually can only be achieved by bringing others in. For example my wife is bi... i've tried but i cant grow boobs. Shame, always wanted some of my own. So we "swing" (i HATE that word) so my wife can have the sexual freedom to explore her bi side. And i think someone said most couples don't like single guys. We play occasionally with single guys. Its just hard to find one with manners, decent personal grooming and well i feel i need to say manners again haha
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' Quoting 'prettyhotcpl' My last words are "Dont make assumptions about people you have no clue about, you can have your opinions just choose the words more wisely". How would you feel if people said that singles are single only because they must have something wrong with them???? They do. People constantly tell my daughter she has something wrong with her because she does not want children or marriage. On forum and off. My question was clearly to YOU not your daughter (there was no need to mention her at all) nor did you state anything about making assumptions. l lAnd are unaware of something which is quite common knowledge around here - I am the daughter Fionabee mentioned and if you wanted to take the time to go through some old forums you would see that she is right in that many people do think there is something wrong with single people who choose to be single...infact one memorable person told me I was obviously jealous because marriage wasnt on the cards for me, nor was having children...as if it wasnt my choice. You did ask (as highlighted in blue) what she would feel if people said that singles are only singles because they have something wrong with them..she answered...and while I do appreciate all the couples input who answered the question they are giving a COUPLES perspective on swinging/open relationships when the OP clearly asked singles and non swingers what they thought of couples who play. You can not be objective as a couple about what swingers think of your lfiestyle the same as I can not be objective about what couples with children do ... you are not single, I am not in a relationship nor do I have children therefore our views on the circumstances/question is different. Our views/perceptions are always clouded by our current situation. I must say though other singles have said the same thing as Fionabee and even the odd couple or two has agreed yet you pick on the one person. Please try to answer questions objectively...dont take things personally (unless they attack you personally) and at the end of the day rememeber if you dont like someone dont read their posts....very simple (I do it quite regualrly) Kisses FocusShould obviously read as singles . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
14 years ago
Good evening all! This post is not intended to offend, criticise or change anyone’s mind. I share my thoughts in the hope (not expectation) that they may contribute to mutual understanding. Would we be having the same intensity of discussion if the topic were about food instead of sex? Different cuisines are routinely indulged in by everybody according to their culture/conditioning and within those cuisines there is an infinite variety of flavours and of course different appetites addressed in the consumption. Reasonable analogy? Nobody seems to get quite so sautéed about it as the SEX idea though. The question posed was “is it the general perception of singles and maybe non swinging people that those of us who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatissfied in thier marriage???” Point 1 - answering the actual question: My observations, listening to others within the RHP environment and the (allegedly) real world suggest that YES, singles and non-swinging people DO have a general PERCEPTION that those of who swing or have open relationships are unhappy/dissatisfied in their marriage. Fionabee, when you said “When I commit myself to one...it is one only” does that go for everything? Do you mean that you would never be friends with anyone other than your committed partner? Never play sport with anyone else? Never eat a meal cooked by anyone else? Never enjoy a conversation with anyone else? Or did you mean just never have sex with anyone else? Point 2 - Is an open relationship (individual play), sex outside the relationship? Yes it is, in that it is with someone who is not a part of the relationship. No problem there if the relationship openly and honestly provides for it. The analogy: Is a meal at a friend’s place eating outside the relationship? Yes it is. Point 3 - Is swinging, sex outside the relationship? Yes it is, in that it is with someone who is not a part of the relationship. Surely no problem there if the relationship openly and honestly supports it. The analogy: Is a friend bringing food to you to share with you and your partner eating outside the relationship? Doesn’t seem like it. For those who consider points 2 and 3 as ok for food but not for sex, suggests that they see sex as the determining factor in a ‘relationship’ rather than love, friendship, nurturing, companionship etc. From Fionabee’s original response: My Perception And I will state again..... My perception...... .......as I am certain certain couples are just gonna get thier knickers in a knot here. Definitely well forecast about the knotted knickers... Personally, I dont care what couples, do. They may play separately, they may play together, indulge in wild foursomes and moresomes. It is thier business. It is not now, nor will it ever be my thing. When I commit myself to one...it is one only. A person goes looking for what is lacking on the home front, even if it is only variety. It constantly amazes me that some couples carry on all the time about how wonderful, how fantastic thier partners are, the love of thier lives yadda, yadda, yadda and yet why are they looking for more? More what.... if the partner is that good? Fionabee, you are correct that, in the literal sense, if one seeks something it is because they are not 100% satisfied (regardless of where they seek). Having said that, it seems plainly evident to me from yummy’s post that she meant unhappy/dissatisfied in the sense of unhappy/boring/tiresome/joyless, yet you appear to narrowly interpret “dissatisfied” as being not 100% satisfied. In context with the remainder of this section suggests your view is that you would only ever have a relationship with a perfect person. Is that correct? Someone who is perfect at always knowing what you want, all the time, fulfilling your every whim or desire? My personal opinion is that you probably meant something substantially more rational as anyone who honestly believes that they have perfection is delusional. They may be living in a fantasy land I’d like to visit, but when we’re deluded to that extent it makes us rather vulnerable to all kinds of dangers (internal and external). Based on my observations, perfect is not necessary to share a wonderfully, sustainably happy relationship. Should be more of it I say and if swinging/open relationships/sex/food/good conversation/lively debates contribute to the wellbeing of those relationships then yay! Why impose cultural/conditioned expectations/limitations on ourselves or anyone else if they do no harm? (note that here I’m not saying that’s what you’ve been doing, I’m merely extending the point) Married people get hammered all the time for playing around without thier partners knowledge...and I dont even want to go there as this question is not really about "cheaters" but in my veiw, you are doing the same thing. It is still cheating. Fionabee, if your view is that swinging/open relationships are cheating’, then since to cheat is to intentionally disadvantage another by dishonest means, then your view is not supported by the truth. You have set aside your marriage vows and are operating as flatmates, parents in common and occassional lovers in order to open your beds to others. So what is the point of remaining together? For the sake of the kids? But we love each other? Yes but not forsaking all others anymore is it? To me a committed relationship is just that.....committed......to each other. Otherwise what is the point of the marriage / relationship? Fionabee, here is where you opened the door to the point about marriage vows by expressing your prejudice in that “forsaking all others” is a predominantly Christian marriage vow. Besides that, the idea you appear to be expressing is that sex is the determining factor in a relationship otherwise you are just “operating as flatmates, parents in common and occassional lovers”. In this section you specifically accuse those who share sexual pleasure with people other than their partner of not having rewarding, happy relationships. Hardly surprising that some seemed offended. Point 4 - Aggressively expressed statements or responses (regardless of who they are from) suggest the author is either far too ready to take offence or/and perhaps an uncomfortable truth has been touched. When it comes to being offended, I try to follow this approach: Never be offended by the truth. If it’s true, own it. If it isn’t true, why be offended? Last but not least, my admiration goes to yummy for her (in my opinion) considered, gracious and non-judgemental responses. Lucky, lucky man Mr Yummy. Kindly, ian
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