F62
Cheating
November 17 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
My past 3 relationships have all ended due to their cheating - Im such a expert on this subject now I could write PHD paper on the subject !!! The relationships didnt end though due to the actual act of cheating - I forgave them all for the physical act ...along with the hurt they caused me, the relationships ended because of the lies and deceit that accompanied the act..if they lied about cheating they will lie about anything (and as it turned out they did lie about all and everything !!) Its taken me a long time to realise, that in my own experience and opinion, men are by nature not monogamous (sorry to stereotype) and us women have so got it all wrong..the way we love... Two ouf ot the three relationships we swung, so I never thought either of these two partners would "cheat" on me...as they were given "approval" for want of a better word to explore with others while I consented and participated, but still it wasnt enough....my last partner told me that by swinging with me, ( I introduced him to swinging) it just opened up the door to what he considered he was missing - so he went off exploring without me...now that did hurt.. But anyway, for me the line was...not that they thought about cheating..hell, we all have fantasies and thoughts about being with others etc.., and nothing wrong with that...for me it was when (in my last partners case) he opened up a profile on several sites - to me fantasy then became reality and intent....and of course, he then followed thru with the actual physical....once there was proof of intent, that to me was the beginning of the "cheat" And for me the unforgiveable, is that he brought his partners home to OUR bed, in OUR house while I was off working my ass off - we both shiftwork and studying.., so it made it so much easier for the cheat. Bringing his partners into our home, into our bed was the bitter end.....knowing the others had been in the very place where you are suppose to feel safe from the world was to me, the absolute end.. Time does heal......perhaps
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RHP User
14 years ago
Totally agree with SLK, I (mich) have had experience with this with an ex..... For me (and I know my husband agrees) cheating is anything that you wouldn't/couldn't do in front of your partner or they wouldn't consent to you doing. I know many people don't consider chat/messages/emails or anything not physical as cheating, but we have had friends that describe this, emotional cheating, as worse than physical .A really good friend of ours, lets call her L, found a message in her boyfriends facebook messages where he stated to a girl that if he wasn't with L, he would be with this other girl in a second. He went on to say that he thought about this other girl all the time....That destroyed her trust in him totally! Another guy we know had been looking at single girls profiles (on another similar site) and flirting/messaging as a single guy. He swore that he never met an of them when his girlfriend found out, but as SLK said, it was the 'intent' that was enough...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Is heroin for the libido. Married men and women for that matter get a rush from the interaction. All addictions are covert. There is the thrill of having that separate life. The high is in the secrecy. Its not even that they want to meet another person, the idea, is more a stimulation. But then people need something a little stronger. The sexting that goes to phone sex, then a coffee meeting ( though most married guys get the chicken point at this stage). Harmless coffee then its lets meet at hotel,and will just let her suck me off its not really sex. And then I am fucking her but its not really cheating as it does not mean a thing. Once you start dipping your wick into new flesh its sooooooooooo good and sooooooooooooo hard to stop cheating is the fun part it makes for lots of hand jobs just even thinking about it for them.
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RHP User
14 years ago
My first wife cheated on me and like SLK said, it's not the act that hurts, itis all the lies and deception that goes with it.Destroyed 15 years of what I thought was happiness.Now as my profile states I will meet with married ladies as long as their partner is fully aware, because I dont wish to be the cause of any emotional suffering and pain, having felt its sting myself.As for the act of cheating, I believe it is anything that you need to hide from your partner that is hurtful or damaging to yout relationship.
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RHP User
14 years ago
if you are doing anything that stands to abuse the trust of your partner, then you are cheating...........it comes in all forms, and not just sexually. if you sneak smokes, tell lies, gamble or chat suggestively with another, without your partners knowledge and tacit approval, then you've cheated.......if you put your own wants before your partners or relationships needs, then you are cheating.......simple.
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RHP User
14 years ago
it is something I have struggled with for some time... I did think a one on one was just that unless the communication between the 2 parties had been open about the expectations. But wait.. I was told if I was with anyone else.. that our relationship would be over... dont get me wrong.. it finished some time ago and the past is the past... it was just the 'is oral sex cheating' caught my attention and got me thinking.. For the people who have responded... sad for your situation xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
if it starts in the mind I then cheat at least 100 times a day Now Wonder i am so knackered at night You do everything better on Swisse
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RHP User
14 years ago
I consider cheating to be any act physical or mental that you do behind your partners back and try and hide from them. Also anything that you wouldn't want your partner doing with someone else and not telling you about it. My ex husband cheated on me many times. The closer to the end it got the more I found out about. It is the most humiliating and hurtful thing he did to me. I can never forgive him for that, and have major trust issues because of him. Something I am not sure I will ever get over
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RHP User
14 years ago
You all think that to look at an attractive person and get that whip lash feeling following thier hot arse down the road is cheating? Sneaking a fertive look at porn is cheating? Thinking the butcher/baker looks soooo hot is cheating? Getting with the boys on a fishing weekend and talking about that hot little number at the office and how much you would like to nail her arse is cheating? Going out for a hens night out and having the male stripper do a lap dance on your lap is cheating? Just because your partner wouldnt like it? Please collect your halo on the way out the door folks as none of us are THAT perfect. Personally I would have thought cheating came when you acted upon the thought.
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RHP User
14 years ago
soooo.... deep breath before I put in my 2c because for most I'd be a BIG cheatWhile I know I am no innocent one thing I do know is that I love my wife and she is the partner I have chosen for life. If I had the intent to look for someone else to replace the emotional support she gives me and my family then I'd consider myself cheating on her. But I don't. Friends I have had were always clear about my intentions - none of them were going to get involved with me, and I was never going to get "involved" with them. Sure, we had sex, but why not let the good times roll - you only live once! Oh - you say why was she not told and could you not get her permission first? My wife and I had many discussions about this, about the imbalance in our sex drives, sending me to pay someone for the pleasure, or to go relieve myself, watch some porn if I want to, etc .. well, none of that worked, I need flesh of another to keep my adrenalin pumping, and I do not feel like simply "shoping" for bodily service - I need the connection - conversation about the pleasures we're about to commit, spark of chemistry, and I cannot bring myself anywhere on my own, especially not when watching someone else having fun on a small screen... ! So there, what is the solution ? I live a double life I confess, so shoot me now and end your misery of even thinking about me frying in hell with the rest of those pleasurable sinners - we'll all have fun down there in the warmth of the fires while you're sitting up in heaven with cold southerly wind blowing up your a#$eSorry for the added poetry, I might have made it a bit less understandable to those challenged in the upstairs department (just be glad you're well hung). If I answered more than you asked for feel free to keep the change ;-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
selfish people will justify their cheating....by any means possible.....but when they themselves are cheated upon....i wonder if they understand those same justifications......no, i'd guess not.....i see them as the ones who'd bleat the loudest, and cry 'foul' and be mortally wounded.......this discussions come up previously, and the responses will be the same....... some have never, and will never cheat on their partners, but will have had the experience of being the victim of someone elses betrayal..........and they will be passionate about their hurt, and their hate....and express themselves with emotion and conviction..........others will berate them for this passionate outpouring, and pile them high with derision and contempt, and hurl the guaranteed insults and sarcasm......for me, this reveals so very much about the true nature of people...that someone could treat another person who has been hurt, betrayed and humiliated by their loved one, with such cruelty is truly beyond me.....we've all seen or heard of how these things end....cheats end up destroying marriages and families and homes....all for the sake of pursuing their own greedy and selfish 'wants'..............i wonder how many foster children come from homes that have been torn apart by the indiscretions of their parents? whether that 'indiscretion' is of a sexual, financial, dependancy or even abusive nature matters little in the end...as the results are quite often the same...........broken lives, broken families and even broken children....... i know i've seen all 3...and much much more.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Remember the days when wifie use to give their man a clip over the ears if he even looked at another female? And that bad bad chick that choped her mans dick off for just because he had sex with someone else!
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's cheating if your spouse finds out about it... whatever "it" is... is up to them. I hear tell of women who get crazy because their man is tossing off to a bit of porn.... you bastard! hehe... poor bastard.Anyway.... there it is.... look sideways and get sprung doing it... your a filthy mofo. The secret to a good relationship is to not ask questions of your spouse that you really wouldn't want to hear the real answer to. Relationships can survive infidelity... but if you want to end a relationship.... what you do is you catch your partner cheating and get self assurance that it wasn't your fault... paint yourself to be the star amongst friends and family... and your cheating arsehole partner to be the swine. If you want out of a relationship, its pretty easy to come up with reasons. If you want to sustain one, it's pretty easy to let a few go past to the keeper. In years gone by, a long term marriage was around 7 years because the average life expectancy was something like 25. Look at us poor bastards trying to be perfect angels for 50 years or something... hehe. Talk about expectations.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Lets face it your honest with yourself. Its better than doing the tug and play on a computer at least your not cheating yourself. Most married guys here just play around at cheating and do the text and talk and enjoy the cam sex. I guess we all are here for reasons that non should judge as this is RHP not the house of glass is it? I have been cheated on in my life but I now realise he had no where to go but to another woman. Non of us is perfect , and we should live our own lives as best we can and try not to have to many casualties as of desire. Quoting 'Joe_Melfi'soooo.... deep breath before I put in my 2c because for most I'd be a BIG cheatWhile I know I am no innocent one thing I do know is that I love my wife and she is the partner I have chosen for life. If I had the intent to look for someone else to replace the emotional support she gives me and my family then I'd consider myself cheating on her. But I don't. Friends I have had were always clear about my intentions - none of them were going to get involved with me, and I was never going to get "involved" with them. Sure, we had sex, but why not let the good times roll - you only live once! Oh - you say why was she not told and could you not get her permission first? My wife and I had many discussions about this, about the imbalance in our sex drives, sending me to pay someone for the pleasure, or to go relieve myself, watch some porn if I want to, etc .. well, none of that worked, I need flesh of another to keep my adrenalin pumping, and I do not feel like simply "shoping" for bodily service - I need the connection - conversation about the pleasures we're about to commit, spark of chemistry, and I cannot bring myself anywhere on my own, especially not when watching someone else having fun on a small screen... ! So there, what is the solution ? I live a double life I confess, so shoot me now and end your misery of even thinking about me frying in hell with the rest of those pleasurable sinners - we'll all have fun down there in the warmth of the fires while you're sitting up in heaven with cold southerly wind blowing up your a#$eSorry for the added poetry, I might have made it a bit less understandable to those challenged in the upstairs department (just be glad you're well hung). If I answered more than you asked for feel free to keep the change ;-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Is it any more complex than that?That encompases more than just cheating, but it's a pretty simple intent to follow.I've never been a cheater and I don't intend to ever become one. I can appreciate and understand the temptation but the choice is never in anyone else's hands but your own.Marge: "You lied to me Homer."Homer: "But Marge, I swear, I never thought you'd find out."Hehe! :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Before I came to this site I would have said having sex with another person.But then on here your allowed to do this in an open relationship! Yes I know everyone has little rules with knowledge with details etc. but i have been approached by married men and was also approached a long time ago by a man in open relationships who do not want his partner to know. Recently by an old friend whose girlfriend was away for the weekend. That was when I decided to change my rule and I thought I was not the cheating party so why let it bother me....well thankfully that did not eventuate and I was glad I was not his partner.In saying all this I am not sure on this site really what is cheating because like it or not everyone has their own set of rules (boundaries).
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RHP User
14 years ago
and to the best of my knowledge...I have never been cheated on either. BUT... What the mind dont see or know, the heart does not grieve over. The problem of betrayal and hurt only arises when the other person finds out and like Stalky said above...some will look for and find the slights in every movement of the head, every imagined conversation. We are all human. We all feel things and thoughts that maybe we shouldnt. It is normal. It is natural. That does not mean that we are going to act upon those thoughts. IF a person can not handle thier partner looking at someone that they find attractive then perhaps the over jealous partner is with the wrong person. Just because we take up a relationship with another, does not mean our sexualities die. It does not mean that the world and all the beautiful people in it then become dead to us or that we should cease appreciating them. It just means that we do not go out fucking all insundry. There is the old saying that it does not matter where you get your appetite from....so long as you eat at home! I have always tended to find it amusing to watch my partners eyes follow the sway of an attractive arse across the room...after all....I always knew he would be taking his appetite home.
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RHP User
14 years ago
None of the foster kids I have ever had anything to do with, either in my care or the care of another have come from homes broken by thier parents indiscretions. Infact, it may surprize you that most come from two parent families.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee'None of the foster kids I have ever had anything to do with, either in my care or the care of another have come from homes broken by thier parents indiscretions. Infact, it may surprize you that most come from two parent families. indiscretions are breaches of trust...they may include drug abuse, alcholism, sexual abuse, gambling , theft, and the like. why does cheating read as a sexual thing? its not. so many people are cheated upon by partners for so many reasons other than sex. and yes, these indiscretions ruin families. I have 2 indigenous foster brothers. i have a chinese-malay foster brother. my grand daughter spent time in foster care. in all these cases the parents were still together. but one, or the other or even both 'cheated' each other or their children of a happy healthy and loving family life, because they chose 'indiscretion' over 'responsibility. i know you deal with foster children and care for them while they are with you....but i grew up with foster siblings, and saw their grief, their hurt, in their tears, their cries of anguish and their outbursts of violent and destructive behaviour. families may be 'broken, but still together. children may be broken but seem whole. partners might be broken, but choose to stay. all because someone 'cheated'? or chose to pursue an 'indiscretion'? nothing surprises me any more, i only find disappointment or a sad opportunity to revisit an experience or memory of my own. watching your partners eyes follow a shapely butt around the room and not be upset about it is fine, we point them out to each other...its actually a game we play, as both of us are 'visual' people and enjoy looking at the candy.....but we know it wont go anywhere, as we trust each other implicitly.Shel has male friends who i dont know, and i know more women than i can count, but neither of us has a jealous or posessive bone in our bodies.....its when you dont trust someone, or even dont trust yourself, that jealousy comes into play........hell, I've seen my ex-wife on a stage doing an amateur strip in front of a crowd of hundreds, and only felt pride......jealousy is an emotion i cant say i am familiar with at all......
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contemplating1
14 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' We are all human. We all feel things and thoughts that maybe we shouldnt. It is normal. It is natural. That does not mean that we are going to act upon those thoughts. IF a person can not handle thier partner looking at someone that they find attractive then perhaps the over jealous partner is with the wrong person. Just because we take up a relationship with another, does not mean our sexualities die. It does not mean that the world and all the beautiful people in it then become dead to us or that we should cease appreciating them. It just means that we do not go out fucking all insundry. There is the old saying that it does not matter where you get your appetite from....so long as you eat at home! 1. Agrees with the sentiment above! To me, I can't agree on the line that having thoughts, wants, desires, fantasies and the like is in itself is cheating. It is human nature to have these feelings, over all soughts of things ! Indeed everyday we in our mind we visualise all sorts of things, including good thoughts, bad thoughts, mmm sexy thoughts and the like...... I could even fantasize driving down the freeway at 260kph, while the gf performs dsitracting acts...............I won't go to the police station and hand myself in for thinking these things!.......I haven't done anything! Because before doing so, the conscience kicks in, process'es all good n bad thoughts, fantasies, and makes a decision as to whether I turn them into reality..... The crunch time is what the decision is to do with these thoughts..... Surely one would have to be a pretty hard task master to say that one is cheating for simply having whatever thoughts, especially if the person having the thoughts has made a conscience decision, that they will not enter reality?! Ahhhh..It all reminds me of when I was a 5yo, with Nuns & Priests running around with canes at school, preaching to me about evils and sins of world, and the devil be damned..... Quite ironic with what we now know about many of them! Smilies have a good 'un anyway...Even if its just in your mind!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have to agree with a few of the other posts......there are many forms of cheating and even a simple erotic text which you keep hidden from your partner is considered cheating to me (unless the text is shared with the other person). Same goes for sending pics of yourself or asking other people to send naked pics of them to you. Sex e-mails, MSN, FB etc......if you cant share it with your partner...then its cheating. Even if you say its harmless flirting and its impossible for the two of you to meet (due to distance, the other person is married etc etc) then its still cheating. If you want to do this, then dont put the other person through the misery....just tell them that you cant commit to him/her, or just say you still want them around, but you want an open relationship. Its not fair that you get your cake and eat it too. Imaging how you would feel if it was being done behind your back!!! If its ok for you to send/recieve pics/e-mails/txt/fb etc then it should be fine for the other person...if not, then you have some serious decisions to make and the sooner the better. No one wants to live a lie!!!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
This is clear in my mind Exclusive - being exclusive with someone is special and it makes all those intimate acts way much higher quality. It adds a dimension of good feelings, of trust and honesty and loyalty, of more humour, of care and support. Cheating is the act of betraying those trusts and good feelings. Grey Single life is cheating on yourself
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RHP User
14 years ago
Integrity is a foundation of any partnership. Be true to yourself. Be true to others. No matter what the cost. Nothing new there.
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RHP User
14 years ago
If you have to ask: You are doing it.If that doesn't sit well with you: Stop.
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RHP User
14 years ago
the scum that defend cheating are just about the lowest forms of life here. especially those who are mums and dads. I mean how fucking selfish can a person be? Your right cheating is a selfish act. Sometimes its an act of self preservation, to stop going nuts or to stop hurting another person. Yes Virginia mums and dads cheat. They cheat on their taxes, they cheat when they say no hon your bum does not look fat in those pants. Stand in front of a mirror and if you can’t see your halo, guess what your human. I would rather a man cheat on me sexually than cheat on his child support. I can’t tell you how many pious , judgemental people try their best to get out of child support yet like to live in “Sexual Salem”. I believe life choices are that, choices and sometimes we make ones that may not work out well but they are our choices. I work with paedophiles and a pious bunch they are, at times. Yeah the upstanding citizen, so I am a bit cynical of the ones that cry so loud , hypocrisy is contagious. I think there are lower forms of life than a person that can`t get their needs men sexually and so have some comfort with another. They can say bugger off I want sex with someone else, and by the way I want a divorce as well, want you to fend for yourself and I will find another love. Human interaction is not simple. I have yet to meet a human that has never cheated at anything. Mirrors people :) before you pick up that stone. Low form of life , nope just a person with capacity to know every human on this planet is unique We may not like what they do but sticks and stones get left behind when we all grow up and see life is not a fairy tale.
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RHP User
14 years ago
the scum that defend cheating are just about the lowest forms of life here. especially those who are mums and dads. I mean how fucking selfish can a person be? Your right cheating is a selfish act. Sometimes its an act of self preservation, to stop going nuts or to stop hurting another person. Yes Virginia mums and dads cheat. They cheat on their taxes, they cheat when they say no hon your bum does not look fat in those pants. Stand in front of a mirror and if you can’t see your halo, guess what your human. I would rather a man cheat on me sexually than cheat on his child support. I can’t tell you how many pious , judgemental people try their best to get out of child support yet like to live in “Sexual Salem”. I believe life choices are that, choices and sometimes we make ones that may not work out well but they are our choices. I work with paedophiles and a pious bunch they are, at times. Yeah the upstanding citizen, so I am a bit cynical of the ones that cry so loud , hypocrisy is contagious. I think there are lower forms of life than a person that can`t get their needs men sexually and so have some comfort with another. They can say bugger off I want sex with someone else, and by the way I want a divorce as well, want you to fend for yourself and I will find another love. Human interaction is not simple. I have yet to meet a human that has never cheated at anything. Mirrors people :) before you pick up that stone. Low form of life , nope just a person with capacity to know every human on this planet is unique We may not like what they do but sticks and stones get left behind when we all grow up and see life is not a fairy tale.
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RHP User
14 years ago
the scum that defend cheating are just about the lowest forms of life here. especially those who are mums and dads. I mean how fucking selfish can a person be? Your right cheating is a selfish act. Sometimes its an act of self preservation, to stop going nuts or to stop hurting another person. Yes Virginia mums and dads cheat. They cheat on their taxes, they cheat when they say no hon your bum does not look fat in those pants. Stand in front of a mirror and if you can’t see your halo, guess what your human. I would rather a man cheat on me sexually than cheat on his child support. I can’t tell you how many pious , judgemental people try their best to get out of child support yet like to live in “Sexual Salem”. I believe life choices are that, choices and sometimes we make ones that may not work out well but they are our choices. I work with paedophiles and a pious bunch they are, at times. Yeah the upstanding citizen, so I am a bit cynical of the ones that cry so loud , hypocrisy is contagious. I think there are lower forms of life than a person that can`t get their needs men sexually and so have some comfort with another. They can say bugger off I want sex with someone else, and by the way I want a divorce as well, want you to fend for yourself and I will find another love. Human interaction is not simple. I have yet to meet a human that has never cheated at anything. Mirrors people :) before you pick up that stone. Low form of life , nope just a person with capacity to know every human on this planet is unique We may not like what they do but sticks and stones get left behind when we all grow up and see life is not a fairy tale.
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RHP User
14 years ago
bugga
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RHP User
14 years ago
None of us have the right to stand and judge someone else.
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RHP User
14 years ago
no. we are all entitled to our opinions, heaven forbid we should be criticised for sharing them, lol. everyones experiences are different. nobody looks back on a partner who cheats on them and thinks 'he/she was such a lovely person'.......they carry around degrees of anger and mistrust, sometimes even hate. i cant say i blame anyone for that, having been cheated upon myself, and I'm damn sure the same goes for many here. My anger is directed at those who hid and even accommodated my exes digressions, to me, they let not only me down, but my children as well. being cheated on isnt a fun time for anyone, and for some, its not something they move on from very well at all.... wounds heal slowly and time doesnt make it any less pleasant a memory, just a less visited one. when i feel generous, i allow myself to hate the woman i once loved, but my usual feeling for her is contempt. as someone else wrote here....'scum' would be a compliment.
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Letsgetcrazy09
14 years ago
Quoting brizzyguy62 " i absolutely refuse to become entangled with any woman on an emotional level" NSA only for some. Goodluck with your search in here. JMO
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RHP User
14 years ago
I can see you have been dumped on from a great hight, so your pain is valid. Maybe and open relationship may help you , after all if there is nothing to hide then there is nothing to cheat about. I think you have the right to judge your x partner and be angry at what happend. I just do not transfer that anger to another persons circumstance , like I said each case is individual to that person Your partner did a lot of damage, I hope you heal
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RHP User
14 years ago
I feel for people that have been cheated on... on whatever level.... my original comment was about at what level eg is oral sex cheating and was a topic that took my eye on another website. The married men that I chat with on here that I can have a great chat with... I dont judge... For the fact their profile says married as a male and not a couple is a step in the right direction. We are all on here for a reason... Not one person on this earth has a halo... It was more about where your line is.... not an attack... Brizzie.. sorry to hear your pain xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Oh Brizzy guy I so feel your pain, I so could have written your original post, as Im sure could many others. In my case I gave up my country, my family, friends, career, moved like 20000 kms to a foreign country and complete unfamiliarity with everything only to have my partner cheat on me like within like 12 minutes of me landing here !!!...and the cheating never ever stopped.....and I too lost everything, financially, emotionally etc....however, I have not thrown in the towel, Im not bitter or cynical...hurt yes, regretful, definitely but unlike you I do still believe. I believe that somewhere out there, is someone wonderful who in time I hope I do get entangled with and may even grow old with - I hope that happens .. I really do..I love being in love and believe I have much to give and appreciate in return. I am comfortable with who I am, and although I could have done without all the shite, I am grateful to my former partner who hurt me as thru him I learned who I was, what I was capable of and who my true friends were. I look at his life now and I could sit in judgement of it, but I wont....he chose his path and will reap accordingly. Meanwhile Ive met some lovely men on here, Im enjoying myself and moving on..slowly, painstakingly but definitely moving forward....you dont get over it, you just get thru it....and I do hope in time you meet someone who will walk into your life and who will make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else...as for me, well my profile states please dont contact me if you are attached - I wont willingly contribute to anothers person pain - Im sure for some people there are valid reasons to them (as to why they are cheating-perhaps there is) but there is never a valid reason or justification (in my opinion) to hurt someone who loves you. As for Newbs original post, its been interesting what our posters have considered as cheating or what is acceptable, funny how even in this open free so called non judgemental society, where sex is on tap - or only a click away on the net.. cheating is still a very raw and debateable subject - thankyou for being brave enough to put it out there.. Cheers
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RHP User
14 years ago
If you cheat while playing cards/ games then a fair or valid outcome is thwarted. Cheating is cheating. Judgement values or not.
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RHP User
14 years ago
What idealistic , moralistic lives we all seem to live, Well please allow me to introduce myself, I am a man of wealth and taste . People , we are all the same, the righteous of the world it has been revealed, are some of the biggest bigots, philanderers , peoadophiles, wife bashers, murderers, etc etc.......... LIVE while you can and enjoy what comes your way, dont set out to hurt anyone, love the one your with, while you are with him/her we are here for such a short time, lets not torture ourselves or others by being hippocrites
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RHP User
14 years ago
Mmmm i was a serial cheater until i met my wife !! When i realised i was going to spend the rest of my life with her ( shes always thought i was a playboy ) i realised that i didnt have to cheat !! I know if theres something i want to do and im passionate about it i will communicate with her about what it is !, thts why we are here , if i didnt talk to her i wouldnt of found out shes into it too and id be sneaking around doing shit i have no time or patience for !! So in all id be wasting everyones time !!. Of course i still see sexy girls and although im looking i dont make it obvious and disrespectful and i dont draw everyones attn to what im doin unless shes real hot then il rev wifey up , and well noone will care . My wife is the silent ruler in my house and im the enforcer if theres a trouble i want to know who what where so i can control wats going on but once the trust is gone fuck theres nothing worth controling cos ive lost it and its gone !! In all cheating isnt when you think of fucking people sometimes its not cheating when u fuck other people the real cheating starts the moment you abuse the trust the other person has bestowed upon theee ! Lol any who love the one your with !!
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RHP User
14 years ago
You say you and your partners 'swung', but you are upset because they cheated on you. Whats the difference between swinging and cheating? Its still fucking someone else besides the one with whom you are in a relationship.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...is cheating.
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RHP User
14 years ago
You can't be true to others if you're not true to yourself.If a person has a reputation of being a player or visually has wondering eyes, why do we turn them into our partners?Worst still, try to change them?On another level the high school dream lovers who stood firm thick or thin for 20years suddenly drifted apart.The (excitement) dimmed, sex became a bore and everything else becomes clock work, rooting, woops routine and the pattern becomes a chore/bore.Tits sag, balls sag, face neck etc etc. Relationships sag etc etc...Happy relationships are honest relationships, honest relationships are happy relationships.To practice this will either make your relationship or break it. If your partner doesn't know what you're up to?You're cheating.Happy hunting.
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RHP User
14 years ago
That was john wayne bobbit and the evidence didn't stand up in court...lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Tried cheatn .... didn't like it ... won't try it again.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Cheating is cheating regardless how you try and justify it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Im suprised that I have to explain this to you but its quite simple...cheating was going out and doing something (in this particular scenario, screwing others AND lying about it and also not having safe sex therefore exposing me to endless embarassing testing ...) without my knowledge, and basically betraying my trust....his cheating was not condoned. "No honey while you were at work today I was out playing golf with so and so" - transpired to be really "Honey while you were working a 14 hour day, at a great job that allows us to have pretty damn fine lifestyle...I brought someone back into our home and into our bed and fucked them stupid for 3 hours without you knowing about it or being ok with it, hope you don't mind"...funningly enough I did, because I did not sign up for a open relationship and even if I had...then he should have been upfront and honest about it, isnt that what a "open" relationship is ???...oh and its never nice finding another womans knickers in your bed !!! Swinging was a mutually agreed upon pleasure that we BOTH enjoyed, where all parties were consensual, up front and had fun.... fufilled fantasies.....etc and it was damn horny and we also met some terrific couples (who interestingly enough I have stayed friends with but he hasnt because our friends did not approve of his behavior, so do swingers have moral codes.... of course they do..to each their own..) ......where I had no problem with my ex playing and enjoying himself, as I did too - the key words here is that WE BOTH ENJOYED IT and were honest with each other and the couples we played with...........I fully supported swinging but as a couple, because we were a couple or so I thought !! - there was nothing secrective about swinging... Interestingly enough when we split I asked him, how he would have felt if I had "cheated on him" and would he have put up with it for as long as I did (3 years) ???- to his credit he told me I would have been out on my ear if the situation had been reversed....Im loving the double standards.....and no I never cheated on him...I never felt the need, I loved him and was happy...simple as that... But as I stated in my original post....I never had problem with the actual physical act of cheating although it pissed me off that he had unprotected sex and also that he felt the need to cheat (his answer as to why he cheated on me was somewhat stereotype - it was a bit of fun, it was only sex, didnt mean anything etc...oh yeah then why didnt you tell me about it all then mmmm????........it was the lying, the sneaking around and the denying that went with it, not to mention the endless women who kept persuing him and interrupting our lives ( I had to get a restraining order taken out on one of them - who couldnt accept that they were exactly that to him..a casual root and nothing more) .....and as I soon found out that he lied about the cheating, well there was no line...he lied about anything and everything... and still does to this day. I hope this post clarifies somewhat the difference between cheating and swinging (in my opinion anyway) ...oh and as for him....well a couple of months ago...he suggested we get back together and yes I was tempted..I loved him and missed him but I dont trust him...and bottom line is no matter what type of relationship/friendship you have with anyone, lover/friend etc..., without trust, you actually dont have a relationship at all !!! Cheers
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RHP User
14 years ago
I’m surprised that I have to explain this to you but its quite simple...cheating was going out and doing something (in this particular scenario, screwing others AND lying about it and also not having safe sex therefore exposing me to endless embarrassing testing ...) without my knowledge, and basically betraying my trust....his cheating was not condoned. As stated by many posters, cheating may takes many form but it is usually a act where it is done in secret with the hope that the “cheater” is not caught out. "No honey while you were at work today I was out playing golf with so and so" - transpired to be really "Honey while you were working a 14 hour day, at a great job that allows us to have pretty damn fine lifestyle...I brought someone back into our home and into our bed and fucked them stupid for 3 hours without you knowing about it or being ok with it, hope you don't mind"...funningly enough I did, because I did not sign up for a open relationship and even if I had...then he should have been upfront and honest about it, isnt that what a "open" relationship is ???...oh and its never nice finding another woman’s knickers in your bed !!! Swinging was a mutually agreed upon pleasure that we BOTH enjoyed, where all parties were consensual, up front and had fun.... fulfilled fantasies.....etc and it was damn horny and we also met some terrific couples (who interestingly enough I have stayed friends with but he hasn’t because our friends did not approve of his behavior, so do swingers have moral codes.... of course they do..to each their own..) ......where I had no problem with my ex playing and enjoying himself, as I did too - the key words here is that WE BOTH ENJOYED IT and were honest with each other and the couples we played with...........I fully supported swinging but as a couple, because we were a couple or so I thought !! - there was nothing secretive about swinging... Interestingly enough when we split I asked him, how he would have felt if I had "cheated on him" and would he have put up with it for as long as I did (3 years) ???- to his credit he told me I would have been out on my ear if the situation had been reversed....Im loving the double standards.....and no I never cheated on him...I never felt the need, I loved him and was happy...simple as that... But as I stated in my original post....I never had problem with the actual physical act of cheating although it pissed me off that he had unprotected sex and also that he felt the need to cheat (his answer as to why he cheated on me was somewhat stereotype - it was a bit of fun, it was only sex, didn’t mean anything etc...oh yeah then why didn’t you tell me about it all then mmmm????........it was the lying, the sneaking around and the denying that went with it, not to mention the endless women who kept persuing him and interrupting our lives ( I had to get a restraining order taken out on one of them - who couldn’t accept that they were exactly that to him..a casual root and nothing more) .....and as I soon found out that he lied about the cheating, well there was no line...he lied about anything and everything... and still does to this day. I hope this post clarifies somewhat the difference between cheating and swinging (in my opinion anyway) ...oh and as for him....well a couple of months ago...he suggested we get back together and yes I was tempted. I loved him and missed him but I don’t trust him...and bottom line is no matter what type of relationship/friendship you have with anyone, lover/friend etc..., without trust irrespective of what form the cheating takes, you actually don’t have a relationship at all !!! Cheers
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RHP User
14 years ago
Its not just the evidence that didnt stand up.
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RHP User
14 years ago
When you come here seeking multiple partners, or to fuck someone else's partner, or let\watch someone else fuck your partner, you are not in a position to rationalise, moralise and judge. When you chose and set out to have a promiscuous relationship by swinging, swapping etc, you are creating a situation where one partner is bound to stray sooner or later. Dont bitch and moan and be the victim when it happens. That is only the province of the faithful in a monogomous relationship, so deal with it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I feel such sorrow reading all the stories of those hurt. Some of you have tried to address the question and using your story as backing. Others may need a help group as while being off topic posted here I really feel it is something you need to express in more depth... it's not as far off topic as some annoying posts elsewhere so don't confuse my statement as a complaint.Before the word "cheat" applied to infidelity it simply meant being dishonest. Still today cheating on your partner means being dishonest. So maybe what you should say instead is "What is worse than the infidelity was the cheating."Of course infidelity also applies if you have the ability to sexualy satisfy your partner (fetishes aside) but you don't (without really good reason)Also the bible considers you unfaithful just for lusting after another person. A sin in fact.So it's really up to the people in the relationship to define the rules and if you break those rules without admiting it, that's cheating, same as with any game... not that a relationship is a game. Unless you know that your partner is alright with you getting a blow job then it's definitly cheating. Particularly as many consider a blowjob to be much more intimate than intercourse. Maybe those people, instead of arguing "It was only a blowie", argue "It was only intercourse"?
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RHP User
14 years ago
l agree with you Fionabee.....I was not fostered as a child because of cheating. There are far more destroying acts in marriages than cheating and its these acts that break down society. Alcholism, Depression, Violence, Gambling, Drugs..........as for cheating i'd put that last. Quoting 'fionabee' None of the foster kids I have ever had anything to do with, either in my care or the care of another have come from homes broken by thier parents indiscretions. Infact, it may surprize you that most come from two parent families.
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RHP User
14 years ago
if you read what was written, you see that all these things were offered up as forms of cheating....cheatings not just about sex. its anything thats done that denies another of what they should have in their lives. children are 'cheated' of a healthy and happy life, because their parents make choices that cause them suffering. alcoholism cheats others of a whole range of things...as does violence, drugs and crime... to say that we dont cheat the ones arounds who love us, when we choose to put our own selves first, is unreasonable. children are cheated of love, by parents who choose crime over responsiblities, by men who choose alcohol over happy times with their kids, and by parents who choose to abuse each other instead of loving their own families. children end up abused and neglected, and yes, in foster care, because their parents make choices that cheat them of their right to a happy healthy and productive family life. fionas involved in foster care....just how do these children come to her? fall out of the sky? no....because someone has invariably made a choice, or a range of choices, that have lead to these children being disadvantaged, abused, negelcted, or generally cheated of their right to happiness........indiscretions are anything that can be considered to be a bad choice......drugs, crime, abuse, sex, gambling, alcoholism..etc etc ...are all 'indiscretions'........people think of 'adultery' as the only form of cheating......its not......its just one of the many ways we cheat those around us.........
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RHP User
14 years ago
isnt just sex. my own ex cheated on me. and gambled, drank and snorted our money away. she stole from her own mother, from her children, and from her employer...and in doing so, cheated us of what was once a very happy and loving household. she lied, stole, hid, wasted and hocked our lives to feed her habits...her 'indiscretions'.....never once was there sex involved.......if you are less than honest...you could very well be a cheat.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Your a naughty boy with a real sence of humour posting comments like that on a random sex / swingers site. But we love your sence of humour...just one thing if you use: Get off the pulpit add afterwards....."We need the wood!" Swinging is not cheating its strenghtening the bonds of the couple playing. A couple that plays together stays together ....it cannot be disputed ..hehhehehhehe
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RHP User
14 years ago
last weekend i was asked to go to a couples house.....i explained quite clearly and honestly that my partner was unaware (that i was cheating under the popular definition)....no problems.... come on over...... so i did.....now im above average apparently and i like to meet with similar....when i got there they were nice people but not my type.... once i explained that i had enjoyed the couple of beers but that i would head home the female starts attacking me about cheating etc..... so some seem to chop and change depending on what suits them at the time..... hell has no fury like a swinging woman scorned!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hhahaha John ...love it, they didnt meet your standards. We consider the same and prefer married men on the odd occasion.....thats your business, like we are meeting to play only ....not become Buddies!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I myself just ended a 13 year relationship or should I say my ex wife did,as I found out it was all lies especially the real reason behind the divorce. The hardest part was actually the fact that I caught her out n she had met someone else,the lies was the worst n thats what devistated me the most,and then tells u she believes she done nothing wrong.when u take your vows n tell someone u love them , u need to know yourself if it is what u feel n it's right,
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have to disagree with 4HardnIntense.I don't have personal expirience in the matter but after watching the TV Series 'Swingtown' as well as talking to several people I can't believe that swinging at all opens the door to cheating.It seems from the stories I heard the same people who cheated in closed relationships still cheated in open ones and most open relationships have strict rules/limits which both partners respect.Those who get a thrill by being deceptive or lying, especialy where the partner is so open about sex, and who go outside the rules of the relationship are just unjustified.Sure some cheaters have very good reasons, the relationship having already fallen apart being the best. I am not telling people that they shouldn't cheat, while I am against it personaly. What I need to say is that using such excuses such as an open relationship leading to it is bull. If the relationship is open and the person is not getting satisfaction the first thing to do is talk about it!I told my partner and she thought about it and gave me permission to play with other girls. Despite getting the opportunity a few times I just couldn't bring myself to play without her. So I suggested swinging to her and this time, instead of feeling understanding, she's feeling excited.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Trying to post a comment up but get sent to a page which reads "Page can't be found"I'm not writing it all again so suffice to say:Having an open relationship does not lead to and does not excuse cheating.
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RHP User
14 years ago
quoting 4hardintense Get off the pulpit When you come here seeking multiple partners, or to fuck someone else's partner, or let\watch someone else fuck your partner, you are not in a position to rationalise, moralise and judge. When you chose and set out to have a promiscuous relationship by swinging, swapping etc, you are creating a situation where one partner is bound to stray sooner or later. Dont bitch and moan and be the victim when it happens. That is only the province of the faithful in a monogomous relationship, so deal with it. how is playing with others, openly and deliberately, in full view and with full consent and active participation of yours and their partner, either cheating or promiscuous? there is no 'bound to stray', the figures are the same as non-swinging couples...perhaps less even... we think its you who should step off the pulpit, and stop sermonising on a topic you obviously misunderstand, or are just not experiencd in.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Im guessing the POSTCODE rule does not imply no more???? :P
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RHP User
14 years ago
My sentiments exactly ........everyone has a definition of what is acceptable in THEIR relationship and everyone has a dealbreaker and mine, was infidelity - apparently that makes me a "victim" .... funny I never thought of myself as a victim, just a complete and total idiot for giving up everything and shifting countries to be with the person I loved and for always forgiving him for his infidelities...well that just made me plain bloody stupid.....Hurting someone you love, intentionally, is pretty low and for many, unforgiveable yet I forgave and forgave for 3 years but eventually I woke up.....enough was enough.....as I stated previously I didnt have as much as a problem with the actual physical act of "cheating" but with the deception that went with it....because in my experience...if they lie about one thing, they will lie about another and he did.....once a liar always a liar, the same could be said for cheating.....perhaps..... As for being a victim ...mmm...perhaps I am, or was....and so what if I was or am ???...my business, no one elses, and Im not hurting anyone ...hell, I do know that in my misery during the demise of my relationship, the besties and I had a lot of laughs (alcohol infused) and in my hurt, I grew as a person...and I found out exactly how strong, terrific and wonderful I can be...and for those experiences, I am indeed grateful to my ex...and courtesy of this great website Ive met some lovely men since....personally.. I now feel like I escaped... My ex has a new partner now...I wish them well...but guess who he was prepared to cheat with, given a chance not so long ago ???? and as much as I am still attracted to him and still love him (definitely not in love with) I would not do that to another lady....Im tempted to tell her of his approach to me..but won't ..in time she will find out herself ...sadly.... As for the comment about fidelity and swinging which was made..... Quote: "When you chose and set out to have a promiscuous relationship by swinging, swapping etc, you are creating a situation where one partner is bound to stray sooner or later. Dont bitch and moan and be the victim when it happens. That is only the province of the faithful in a monogomous relationship, so deal with it." Ignorance.....is bliss ...rite ??.....................or is the word Im searching for..ludicrous/misinformed, judgemental ? ......
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RHP User
14 years ago
I learnt the other day from a therpist ( Austar hehe) That you need to asked your partner if they are satisfied 100% with their Sex Life. If they say that their not , and that they have a sex fetish, and they have been to scrared to ask you to be included, for fear of being accused of " wanting to cheat" , alot of people consider oral sex has no emotional attachment , its just getting they rocks off through a sensal feeling of recieving orla sex and that is performed from a stranger is more exciting other then from their regular partner , that it doesn't mean you want to run off and get married , that they are totally happy with whom they are in love with! It's just..... Having a relationship, marrige or long term relationship Is very hard work at times as we all know .... If you cant be in a open relationship were you cant talk openly about your sexual desires from each other and work it out together.The chances are the oral sex that is desired will go from foreplay to more play (intercoures) the lies , oh i was at my mates place! The secret phone calls, Skype sex , Sexsites. And you didnt know about any of it ! YES THEY ARE CHEATING !!! If your not getting what you desire sexual its simple .... work together with it and you'll get what you want and both be happy ! People have diffrent sex drives to others. if you cant handle whats been asked of you , well it wasnt ment to be get out !! as it doesn't matter how far down the track you are in the relationship there is someone out there that will give them what they want, same as for you. You Know what makes me laugh out loud! when people on this site say that their on here for a realationship with the right one ! How do you choose Fuck.......... me your on a sexsite! you had better be into like minded people with a high sex drive and except that they are fucking other people or otherwise get a criteria check with EHermony and see who you are compatiable with. Cheers to all my cheaters ! Very bad bad boys i know who you are ....
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RHP User
14 years ago
we've had it suggested to us that what we do here is cheating....that we are being both unfaithful, and promiscuous. i just want to make it clear that this is just not true. we do what we do as a couple, always together, and always with as much honesty and openness as we can. we discuss every aspect of what our expectations, our hesitations an reservations and our desires might be. here we work as one, as a 'couple', not as two individuals. we lean on each other for support and look to each other for understanding, encouragement and approval...and it works..for us. ... there is only one person we have to please and thats each other. some of the honesty and principle we demand of each other, we also demand of those we play with...so we dont play with attached men, regardless of their curcumstance, and dont then invite their dishonesty and lack of respect into our lives. we wont be a part of anyone elses adultery or infidelity, so feel theres little or no chance of being drawn into that ourselves. we look into each others eyes and see trust and honesty, never doubt or betrayal. we play only the once with anyone we choose to let into our life or bedroom, and dont ever establish that 'initmate' friendship or relationship that singles are able to allow for themselves...we have that with each other already........so dont ever end up in a situation where others are so familiar with either of us that they begin to take liberties and make demands or express expectations that might be pathways to dishonesty and disrespect. we dont cheat, as thats just cheating ourselves of what we both spent the biggest part of our lives looking for. trust, friendship,respect and honesty....,the things that had been missing from our previous lives with others.... things we now protect vigorously and jealously.............
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RHP User
14 years ago
What a truly beautiful post........and like yourselves I thought I had the same type of open honest relationship with my partner - especially when we were swinging...we were very open with our discussions about fantasies, likes, dislikes and vetted all who we played with and we were indeed fortunate to meet with some gorgeous people for who I am grateful for and who I still see today.......I thought I too had it all....a great relationship that allowed us to express ourselves sexually with ourselves and with others, with approval and consent of each other...... ..but apparently I didnt - except I was the last to know this.......and thats why the "cheat" hurt so much.....because I was under the illusion that all was well.....and trust me, my partner insisted it was....just that he wanted bits on the side...and just forgot to mention it.... The myth that men stray simply because they arent getting enough at home, is exactly that, a myth....my partner was quite open when confronted about his cheating....his reply was always the same..."Why did you do it ?" ..cause it was fun (I often asked him..what ..?? was it fun hurting me ??- never got a reply to that question, just him gazing off into the distance !!!) because he could (it was easy with both of us shiftworking) cause he liked the chase and trust me plenty of partnered women made themselves avaialbe to him - this is rampant especially in Perth where so many are in FIFO relationships , and because it was there - he is extremely easy on the eye and I doubt too many women knocked him back....it was all about his ego....my comfort apparently was that he came home to me each nite and I should have been grateful for that.....WHOOO HOOO.....except like I stated before when I asked him, if it was ok if I liked "played a round of golf" while he was at work, my request was shot down in flames.... good for the goose etc So I havent lost hope, I am striving to find, in time, the kind of relationship that Shel and Mike have described..I hope I find it...I have not lost hope...and meanwhile, I will enjoy what ever comes my way....and always remembering that when/if/how I hook up with another (beautiful man) I hope, it will not be at the expense and hurt of another human being
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RHP User
14 years ago
No one held a gun to your heads and told you to shift work. The real fact about that partner, is that he was a reckless, cruel and sly sod and you were not to know the full extent of his dastardliness. Sad thing is some other poor woman has to put up with him now.
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RHP User
14 years ago
would it mattered if SLK worked the hours? You cant have a leash on someone 24hours.. if they are like that, will do it regardless, even though it sounds they had something very open, which for some would have been great. Just think some people like the thrill of the chase, no matter how they have it at home....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Every relationship, swinging, open or exclusive, is based on trust. MikeandShell are saying that a swinging couple have that same honesty rule and that breaking it is cheating.SLK27I doubt your ex was so against you getting some on the side because he didn't want you to do it. More likely he didn't want you to because that would mean you both consented to an open relationship and he wouldn't be able to get his thrill from doing something he shouldn't.I think we've well established now that cheating is the same thing in both exclusive and non-exclusive relationships.Here's 2 questions: -If someone kissed you, or even you them, then that's not an act of 'sex'. Is that still cheating?-If you tell your partner what you did (in the heat of the moment) right away, maybe just a kiss or maybe full intercourse, then you were honest about your mistake. So is that cheating?
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RHP User
14 years ago
if you kissed someone, or you let them kiss you, and your partner didnt like the idea, then yes, you've cheated. a trust has been broken.. if you allowed yourself to even be 'in the heat of the moment' with someone else, other than your partner, regardless of what the outcome was, a kiss or intercourse, then in our eyes, you'd have cheated. your partner should always feel the same. the only people who 'heat our moments' are those we are partnered with. its different for singles of course.... you dont allow others close enough to kiss you, or have interactions with others that lead to 'heated moments', as thats just not honest nor fair to the one you should be with. if someone (anyone) even pays my wife a compliment, she takes a step back from them for safety, and tells me at her first opportunity....why? because her being honest and true demands this....her choice, not my demand......... there should be an invisble circle around all of us who are in relationships, and only those people our partners fully trust should ever be allowed to enter this space.... theres not an adult male who my wife isnt related to, either through blood, or through marriage, that she will kiss, or allow to kiss her anywhere else other than on the cheek. this is her choice....she refuses to even kiss a male we may be playing with at the time.... and this isnt unusual apparrently........ cheatings not just about sex. it can be about acts that are preludes to sex.....intimate conversations, exchanges of explicit texts/emails, kisses, sensual touches etc etc it can also be about behaviors that are outside of what the two in a relationship agree they dont want....going out drinking with your mates, smoking dope/taking drugs, gambling, physical abuse, etc etc etc...things that break trusts, break promises, that make the other sad, hurt or regretful, that break hearts and tear families and relationships apart....are all ways that we cheat..... when you spend the weeks earnings at the TAB, or on a few grams of speed or meth, or tip it down your throat at the pub with your mates, you cheat your partner and potentially your children of the opportunity to live a part way normal and adequately housed and fed life..........and you ultimately cheat yourself as well..........
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RHP User
14 years ago
Nathan/ Cassie I doubt that clown had the capacity for reverse psychology. All his energy went into manipulating so doubt he had time to consider anyone else's feelings. I would like to answer your two questions with one question and that may do it? Can a woman be a little bit pregnant, or is she all pregnant?
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RHP User
14 years ago
My shychologist says that you should never ask a question that you may regret that you heard the answer to. Be discrete, don't ask and don't tell. That works well. Really, what does it matter? People place too much emphasis on sex outside relationships.... why is that, in particular, so important? Is it just a virtuous expectation? Are we all so stoic and infalable when it comes to sexual temptations? I mean.. we are all sexual animals... and surely that's one of the aspects that makes your partner/s so very attractive... so why deny them their most attractive and redeemable characteristics just because they happen to have fallen for you?And if your partner finds someone that they prefer over you, then isn't that a good thing.... you know for their happiness? Cheating is doing something that your partner will feel hurt over. For some, that's glancing sideways at a pair of big tits.... for others it is snogging your boss... and for others, it is only penetration, head jobs are ok and so is taking it up the arse. What underlies these concepts? "Ownership". That's my man/woman and nobody else can have her/him without my permission... I even have the marriage certificate as proof of ownership. You feel hurt because someone has taken something of yours. What else could it be? Then of course, you will point the finger at your lover for giving it up, because pride gets in your way... what will your friends and family think... so you make a stand and un-reconcilable differences is the answer to your prayers.... and you make your partner out to be the arsehole but your integrity and pride is intact. Good for you. That will learn them not to be so sexual.Of course, not all relationships are going to last... sometimes I suppose you just need an excuse to ensure that your's doesn't.HUgsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Ok my experiences as a cheater and cheatee, my first wife chaeted on me and yes it was hurtful at the time but I looked at the situation to find out why, I was working 7 days, new family, new house fiancial pressure so the relationship got left behind and she looked for something she wasnt getting at home. I my second marriage I cheated on my wife, similar reason, while the sex was good she was emotionally cruel, That made me look outside the marriage for what I wasn't getting at home.And before you all start jumping up and down we went through all the counselling etc in both cases to try and work out the problems. I guess once the love leaves the relationship regardless of sex the door is open to cheating.I am no angel and have hurt and been hurt, as for the line I was with a married lady recently who did not think she was cheating because we only had oral and not sex.Everybody has there view on was is or isnt cheating but I believe but the strongest bond between two people is love, if have that, as they say, it conquers all!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Firstly I just wanted to say thanks for your lovely posts/comments and support - I appreciate it In regards to my work - I am a doctor - regrettably my speciality means that I am on call and at times can spend up to 36 hours at work in a strait shift...yes my career choice does result in long hours away from home (Im not whinining..it is what it is) .....my ex partner also worked shift but his shift hours were regular and set- as a result of his set hours and the fact that at times on my shift I could be away for nearly two days made it very easy for him to cheat - there was no questioning of "Honey your late home where have you been ?" etc being made by me........it also made if very convenient to bring his chosen partners to our home...and have sufficient time to eliminate the evidence of her being there ( occasionally he slipped up there !!)....and trust me that hurt too....any person who has ever been cheated on will tell you its more upsetting when the act takes place in your own home and bed/spa/pool/kitchen etc.....your home is your sanctuary and its the place where you should feel safe, secure and you have a say who comes and goes there...that act in itself made me sick with rage against him I am in agreeance with Stalky's post.. quote: People place too much emphasis on sex outside relationships.... why is that, in particular, so important? Is it just a virtuous expectation? Are we all so stoic and infalable when it comes to sexual temptations? I mean.. we are all sexual animals... and surely that's one of the aspects that makes your partner/s so very attractive... so why deny them their most attractive and redeemable characteristics just because they happen to have fallen for you?And if your partner finds someone that they prefer over you, then isn't that a good thing.... you know for their happiness? and long term if my ex is happy with another so be it...I dont have a probelm that....what I have a problem with is that many of the cheating took place in our home....some of his willing partners were ladies I knew who knew we were together, his lies about his cheating which accodingly led to him lying about many issues, he often had unprotected sex - which I think we universally agree is a huge no no, and more than that..this went on for 3 years and even though I constantly asked him after a huge fight and while we were having a post mortem on it all ...I would ask "do you want us over and you go your own way and I mine ?," I was constantly reassured that I was loved and no he wanted me only...he just didnt care that I preferred a relationship one on one, not one with god knows how many others.......and also we had one of his "screws" for want of a better word would not accept that she was just that...and accordingly, she gave me and us so much grief with hundreds (no exaggeration) of sms, late nite phone calls, sitting outside our house and work place, harassing of his family and my girlfriends, damage done to our house and car - that I was forced to take out a AVO)....these are the stresses and embarassments that I could have done with out As Cassie/Nate said...he loved the thrill of the chase and capture...and Im sure that his cheats would be thrilled to know that he could barely even remember their names...some funny stories about that.. We all have a definition of cheating and what we will endure within a relationship....mine was quite clear cut...do not have sex with others, behind my back - if there is a issue then please come and chat to me and perhaps we can resolve that........no hang on....grows some balls, end it with me FIRST because what your about to do is unaccpetable to me, let me go , stop hurting me ....and then go do whatever with whoever.....thats all I asked.....be upfront and honest. Interestingly enough I ran into him yesterday at our local shops..- we still live close to each other (too close) ...he was alone ....my heart beat wildly as I saw him and the whole time I was like...deep breath, be calm be calm...we exchanged pleasantries, small talk etc...as we parted, I couldnt help it...I asked him "Happy now ?"......he replied "Nope" and he didnt particularly look it...he then asked the same back at me , I replied "Nope"....I then kissed him on the cheek, got in my car and drove away..yep I glanced back in the rear view mirror......with him, I will always glance back in the rear view mirror....but I kept driving forward...and that is now how I see it. Cheers
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RHP User
14 years ago
That's true Stalkers but it has a lot to do with social conditioning. We are taught that true love means fidelity, means you can be happy with only one partner for the rest of your life, that you should be happy with one partner. I think most of us are taught that sex is not something to be taken lightly & therefore should always have some meaning or should be taking seriously. Or maybe that is my Catholic upbringing. I certainly can't comment on relationships or marriages but I look at most of friends who are are couples and think boring. Not sure why... don't want to be tied down. xxMeeks
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RHP User
14 years ago
Male and Female perspective: I read somewhere that men are more concerned with physical acts. That is if their woman fucks someone else, or other sexual acts.And women are more upset or concerned if they think their man is emotionally connected to someone else. xxMeeks
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RHP User
14 years ago
HHhmmmm a very touchy subject... cheating has a different meaning to different types of people. Me personally, I expect my man to perve, I expect him to watch porn, I expect him throw a comment or two out if he see's something he likes.... as I do the same... I look, I love to watch porn when I am home alone and if I see something I like everyone here's about it. Go to strip joints... HELL YEAH... and fantasize about other people... well i think we are all liers if we say we dont do it. Where do I draw the line on cheating... well fuck a slut behind my back... thats cheating. recieve a gobby in a dingey alley or anywhere... thats cheating, take a hand job of someone... thats cheating... I believe in being open about your desires with your partner and 9 times out of ten then there is no reason to cheat, or lie for that matter. I think it also comes down to a control thing, you've been cheated on and have lost control of a situation, the cheater has complete control. Just anoth oppinion to add to the boiling pot though :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'justenough'Remember the days when wifie use to give their man a clip over the ears if he even looked at another female? And that bad bad chick that choped her mans dick off for just because he had sex with someone else! those days are gone for a reason, the first one you mentioned burned her bra and stole her neighbours wife, the second one got time. LS
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky'It's cheating if your spouse finds out about it... whatever "it" is... is up to them. I hear tell of women who get crazy because their man is tossing off to a bit of porn.... you bastard! hehe... poor bastard.Anyway.... there it is.... look sideways and get sprung doing it... your a filthy mofo. The secret to a good relationship is to not ask questions of your spouse that you really wouldn't want to hear the real answer to. Relationships can survive infidelity... but if you want to end a relationship.... what you do is you catch your partner cheating and get self assurance that it wasn't your fault... paint yourself to be the star amongst friends and family... and your cheating arsehole partner to be the swine. If you want out of a relationship, its pretty easy to come up with reasons. If you want to sustain one, it's pretty easy to let a few go past to the keeper. In years gone by, a long term marriage was around 7 years because the average life expectancy was something like 25. Look at us poor bastards trying to be perfect angels for 50 years or something... hehe. Talk about expectations. well said old chap ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Andy
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RHP User
14 years ago
the line for me is on the mirror
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RHP User
14 years ago
the 'oh i'm missing out , but love her/him' excuse is really very lame...sex isnt a 'need'....you wont die for lack of.....if its so bad you need to look elsewhere....then go...but pack your bags and do it like an adult, not like some toddler who wants all the toys....even those he no longer plays with......
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RHP User
14 years ago
Interesting debate. I think cheating is doing something you're not suppose to..whether its in an exam or a relationship or at work or on the sports field. One does it because they want something that their situation says they can't have. I'm a cheater. I never thought I would be - never have been in anything in my life except now a relationship. Why? because my situation gives me 75% of what i need. I don't want to lose that 75% but I'm not getting something I feel I need. If I'm not content then I'll lose everything. If you don't get what you need, you get down, disappointed, negative. You look for it or a substitute. Society tells us a relationship is exclusive. Open relationships are clearly a situation where two people have identified that neither party wishes to conform to that expectation. For them it works, hopefully. Cheating, in the sense of sex and/or intimacy or even for some the high of secrecy is substitution. If you want something, enjoy something, you find ways to have it and everyone would prefer to have what they want without having to give up things they already have. Its complicated, lol. Cheating is taboo. So are many of the sexual interests that people enjoy through the connections attainable via sites such as this. I saw a comment on another topic about anal sex that said it was desired by so many people because it is enjoyable and taboo. The same can apply to every and any pleasure that people seek out. Cheating, for some, is like group sex for others, or anal sex or bondage. Its personal. There can be consequences - memories or perhaps regrets. Life's like that. But, hey I would rather get to my death bed and have enjoyed a good life of experience, and enjoyment than to regret in my final moments lost opportunities, missed fantasies. I don't judge. People conform or not in different things in different ways for different reasons. For some, cheating is our taboo. An expression of our desires and wants. The system says it is wrong. Perhaps the social taboos that we judge by are wrong or at least outdated. Decade by decade many taboos are normalised. Perhaps the social expectation that relationships must be exclusive will also be modernised in the coming decades.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I hear you...And I agree that some couples can do it. Some partners know in their heart that they don't fulfill 100% so they turn the blind eye to keep the 75%.... Not for me tho, I walk. SnS
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's so individual. A text msg can be over the line for me...and I'm not a jealous person. SnS
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RHP User
14 years ago
The major factor for me is intent.Flirting is actually a healthy form of interaction, as long as your significant other knows where the boundaries/line in the sand is.This comes down to frank, open and upfront mutual communication AND honesty with yourself !
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RHP User
14 years ago
My wife and I are jealous people we don’t mind what the other does as long as we both know what’s going on. Cheating is when you lie to your partner & keep them in the dark.. My wife and I will not play with people who don’t want their to know we throw it in the too hard basket, just don’t like the extra baggage..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sorry its not jealous the last coment was wrong I do Apolgeise :( My wife and I are NOT jealous people, we don’t mind what the other does as long as we both know what’s going on. Cheating is when you lie to your partner & keep them in the dark.. My wife and I will not play with people who don’t want their to know we throw it in the too hard basket, just don’t like the extra baggage..
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RHP User
14 years ago
I was cheated on when I was 23 and I'm not sure for how long. With so call mates of mine as well. It left me pretty wrecked and I left town and haven't gone back.(but soon will be) My last girlfriend who I thought would be my life partner was sooooo righteous about how loyal and trustworthy she was. She went back down to Victoria to help her mum(who's partner had just died) and I was going to relocate to be with her and help her with her mum. I felt something was wrong because she was meeting with "old friends" and acting vague. I didn't want to ask because I kept reassuring myself I could trust her. She rings me not long after and says she's met someone(an old friend) but" she hasn't done anything yet, but she's just being honest with me because she's now confused"?!? I ended it on the spot. Was I being to hasty? I thought this was cheating??...I really loved her but I felt our trust had been broken. It's been a while now and I'm happy being single because I don't think I can go through that again. Is this a case of cheating because in my eyes it was. If I felt there was a situation between me and a girl I removed myself from it because I was in love...what a joke!!! I am proud of MY loyalty, and that's what helped me through that period. "All I give is given to myself"....even if I don't get it back.
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RHP User
14 years ago
@mikeandshel Yes, we get it, it's been said enough, even by me. Cheating doesn't need to be sexual.Still, it's assumed when people say a partner cheated on them that they're talking sexual. Just as when people say 'the pill' they are talking about birth control.This forum asks individuals what their line is. You've made your line clear and we all understand that line is different for everyone. You don't need to define cheating, that has been done and done over not only by you and myself.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have said what cheating is but haven't said what we, as a couple, consider cheating. It is cheating if we fall in love, romantically, with someone else. It is an discretion (no I don't mean indiscretion) if we sleep with someone else without first getting our partners permission and can be considered cheating, at the others choice, depending on the circumstances. Did we try to contact the other to get permission but fail to get through? Did it have to be right away or could we have waited? Is it a one of or regular thing? My girlfriend told me I can sleep with others without having to pass it by her but I know that it would make her feel uncomfortable so have told her I have no intention of taking her up on her offer. So far no 'discretions' have been committed so I can't give you details on exactly where the line is.
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RHP User
14 years ago
we arent jealous, its not in our nature. nor are we possesive. we just like to be able to look at ourselves and see the same people others see. i'd hate to be last to know again, so we play it honest and open, that way theres never an issue that comes back to bite either of us...from spending money to company kept to conversations and the telling of white lies...we keep our promise to each other.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Anything you do behind my back and wouldnt do in front of me is cheating.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
@mikeandshel, Who called you jealous? Not that it's bad. You or your partner actual wrote earlier:"we dont cheat, as thats just cheating ourselves of what we both spent the biggest part of our lives looking for. trust, friendship,respect and honesty....,the things that had been missing from our previous lives with others.... things we now protect vigorously and jealously............."Of course, I support you 100% that you are not a jealous person and you can still protect, what is important to you, jealously.
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RHP User
14 years ago
is it really important topic? does it really matter?being a man, i know men get bored easily from same relationship. its their nature. its the woman who blow this issue out of proportion. in my honest opinion, there is nothing called cheating. if im not getting any fun from my partner, i shd be free enough to seek fun somewhere else.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Just as long as it's cool for her to fuck around when she's not getting what she needs from you too You don't mind that do you? What's good for the goose blah blah blah... I have never seen a more outraged and indignant man than a friend of mine who fucked around and found out his wife was doing it to. Bahahahaha!!!! The guy was Pissed!!!! Outraged!!! Mortified! Called her every name under the sun! aaaah kinda poetic... i thought it was beautiful!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Ooooooh you gone and done it now.......... l Important? Well I guess it is important if you are the one being cheated on and then it becomes the single most important thing in your life. On the grand scheme of if the world will end tomorrow scale of things no. It is not important. Surely thouigh it is a little more important than blowing on someones face (for example)....or do you like anal sex....or help me fix my profile. This is a forum. Here we can discuss topics of interest. If it does not interest you then you have the right not to comment. Obviously it is of interest to some many of whom would be very offended at your trivialisation of this to "unimportant" If you bothered to read the comments made you will see that it has been the men who have made the most vocal and vehement comments against cheating. Not the women. Why bother? With that attitude...why even get out of bed in the morning? Why take your next breath? Why even comment on a forum topic at all?
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RHP User
14 years ago
he's 12 fiona....what the hell would he know about anything yet......life will teach him just like it teaches the rest of us
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RHP User
14 years ago
Could not have stated it more eloquently..my thoughts exactly I will always defend his rite to express an opinion always ... however at 27, well.... lets just check back in when his 47 and life has thrown him a few more curveballs
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RHP User
14 years ago
What Cheating! How dare anyone even think it......May the gates of hell freeze over!
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RHP User
14 years ago
so true fionabee
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RHP User
14 years ago
i encourage my partner to play alone as the thought boils my lust.we talked about it all and decided to have an open relationship which was going well we dabbled in the swinging scene a little but when it came to playing alone rules were as from me to her as long as u tell me and hers to me i dont want to know. so when i did play her not wanting to know i didnt tell her but when she did find out i was the worse person in the world,i can not figure how this works she told me she didnt want to know so i didnt tell her she did know i was meeting people just not that it went further
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RHP User
14 years ago
OMG.... I dont want to be here in 20 years thanks..... Dont we get less for murder these days.....LOL
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RHP User
14 years ago
LOL......good point hon...good point !!!
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