F59
Nice guys finish last
April 12 2014
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wouldn't want to, and I don't believe you do either. I "feel empathy for too many and find it difficult to hold a grudge" too, but I've never been told I'm too nice. It makes me think that fact you do has more to do with setting boundaries and saying no, less with your compassionate nature. I love caring for others, but believe caring for me is just as important. I thinks that's possible without being self-absorbed. Cruising through life, and feeling fulfilled because you know you are making the world a slightly better place are very different things in my book. You sound like a beautiful soul and sometimes the world is harder for those than for the ones who don't care. I believe it's worth it. I hope you do too and you don't change what's in your heart.
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MissBishere
12 years ago
I have been told I am cold and somewhat heartless and very standoffish...yes I can be absolutely it is a protection mechanism to me. I feel empathy very deeply perhaps to deeply and have found if I do not have my boundaries I can become lost in it which is not good for me. I will do anything for those I hold dear but those are few. But the news will make me cry and Anzac Day always destroys me. So I am not unfeeling. I was told this yet again this week because I did not want to get involved in a coworkers personal problems....seems to me you can never win. Become strong in yourself (which I think you already are) set boundaries and live YOUR life the way you want to. I love the saying "Wherever you go there you are" So best you like yourself - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I wouldn't change the way I am for anyone!Nothing gives me greater joy than doing things for those I care about.Ive always been a very empathetic , generous person. I tend to think of others before myself. Yes I have been taken advantage of plenty of times and yes sometimes the weight on my shoulders is a heavy load to carry, But.....this is who I am and if I purposely tried to change that then I quite simply wouldn't be me anymore. I'm not here to be like everyone else....I am here to stand out
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RHP User
12 years ago
Depending on the situation and the people I am with,that is the aspect of my persona you will see.....I certainly don't think that I am a doormat and if my generosity is taken advantage of,I shan't return again.....I am slow to anger but sometimes it happens,particularly if someone is being treated unjustly.....even then my rage is a cold one....my tungsten tipped tongue is my weapon......but usually I am just mild mannered,innocuous, invisible me xx. Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I do think some selfish people are psychopathic...they have no social or emotional intelligence.... and so no empathy...the opposite to that are empaths.....they feel too much xxQ
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Wouldn't want to, and I don't believe you do either. I "feel empathy for too many and find it difficult to hold a grudge" too, but I've never been told I'm too nice. It makes me think that fact you do has more to do with setting boundaries and saying no, less with your compassionate nature. I love caring for others, but believe caring for me is just as important. I thinks that's possible without being self-absorbed. Cruising through life, and feeling fulfilled because you know you are making the world a slightly better place are very different things in my book. You sound like a beautiful soul and sometimes the world is harder for those than for the ones who don't care. I believe it's worth it. I hope you do too and you don't change what's in your heart.
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RHP User
12 years ago
A nice guy but lately I've been finishing first..... Must be an age thing. I believe that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and a lot has to do with what we see growing up. My parents were very generous people and I feel that has even passed on to me and hopefully my children as well. I do hold a grudge but have learnt that if you seek revenge it's best to dig two graves as it will never satisfy you
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RHP User
12 years ago
that's because I set boundary's with other people.Assertive yes.Nice to me, has often been used as a way to brush people off as in Your a nice guy, BUT. Sometimes we give to much of ourselves and get burnt. When you look at others, you may think they are mean, and yes some can behave in a mean way, we all can do that at times. Look after our own self interest, and I think that's healthy. What is nice to some , could mean a person that's a door mat.What`s mean to some, is someone that says NO to them, then they are thought of as mean arse holes. I can be a mean as cat shit when I want to be. I do not tolerate fools well, nor people who allow themselves to be taken for a ride by others. Yes nice people finish last at times, that's the nature of the world we live in. That's why I stopped watching tv. And tend not to shovel up other peoples crap. LadyT the ultimate bitch
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would not like to come accross as whimpy I have been through a mountain of shit in my life and held others up through that taken control mothered my mother when needed...more than most people could even imagine. I am a matter of fact type of person and will say it how it is. I have told people over the years to not take on another persons grief....some people like to get dragged into others drama ...not me. My mother told me this morning I had a special soul I had to pop over to pick up something and on the way had to get something else and saw a get well card ...picked it up for my neices as their dad had been admitted to hospital this morning....just a spur of the moment type thing....I not a regular card giver......I actually am not giving my son a card or message for his birthday....with my kids I have had enough....thats another story on its own.
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RHP User
12 years ago
nice topic, basically I always believe people will always be irrational, and will be swayed...so I just stick my word and follow through
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madotara69
12 years ago
A friend that used the service we drove for two months short of ten years, was disrespected, humiliated, belittled, and privately manipulated over a public matter. Our bosses where the ones who were accountable. So we stood by our friend and public member for what is right not just being nice. Since then we began receiving threatening letters by letterhead warning us for our employment ( Any reason the biatch could think off, too afraid to tell her dear fwit husband) being nice still. The rest of town call her a c#@t of a thing. Don't worry mods, they are not on RHP they don't even fuck each other, this is just a story, creative you know I am. We stood by that person as we lost shifts, slowly went broke, finally lost our jobs and in two weeks time homeless, while we claim our rites. Would we change a thing? no way on earth. We would have nothing and still be nice. Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan' Yes nice people finish last at times, that's the nature of the world we live in. I believe that (not just the "nice" people, but) the truly gentle and sensitive souls are more prone to being bullied and depression.It makes me sad that in this dog-eat-dog world there is so little room for them. They should be cherished like the treasures they are.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have hardened a lot in the last 10 years or so. Unfortunately as Meander mentioned, being sensitive and 'gentle' are generally not advantages in the world we live in today. My 'hardening' has partly been just a natural process via getting older and wiser, and more savvy about the ways of the world and finding it easier to stand up for myself and what I believe in, but I have also consciously hardened a lot more than I probably otherwise would due to other circumstances and the resultant barriers I have put in place to prevent further hurt (and I don't need a lecture on the problems with doing that, I'm well aware of them). Having said that, I still have a lot of empathy (for people I feel deserve it / people that I identify with) and I don't just barge my way through life with no thought to others' feelings or the consequences...I'm just not built that way, and I think too much to be able to do it (too much thinking most of the time).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Most of the harm in our society is caused by people who have closed off to others. In other words, most of the hurt and harm our society faces is caused by people who dont care for others. Now more than ever have people refused to help in situations where others need it. We are being programmed to feel and think that we dont need others and that the only person tontrust is yourself. Also i believe that the perception of kindness is way off. From what inhave seen and experienced, people will often mistake kindness for weakness.....i must say a big mistake because it takes a lot more of you to be kind to someone than to hate. Love is stronger that hate. In my opinion people who shut others out and cause harm are aware of their actions and the consequences. However, they have learnt to justify and deal with such things as a way to keep moving. We all have a heart and I do believe that we all have the chance to heal from past hurts and bad experiences. But it does come down to the individual...that choice whether to let go and rebuild or to use that hate and hurt as a way to keep going. We all have developed a way to survive in our lives....these people who hurt and shut out are I feel scared. Something has happened in their life whether directly or indirectly, that has caused them to think and act this way. I know most and not all are able to change...but I certainly hope that each and every one of us never let anyone fly under the radar....in that I mean the mental health of everyone needs to be nurtured and nourished.
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RHP User
12 years ago
People who stand up for themselves, respect others, has integrity and help loved ones and fellow members of our society will never be seen as weak. More courage is shown when we reach out.
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MsSuperFoxy
12 years ago
My answer, "I'm too NICE to be lied/cheated too and treated like a bag of shit or doormat" Foxy *Just stating; may answer could mean anyone.
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MsSuperFoxy
12 years ago
May I recommend, Please DO NOT change for anyone. Those that have the "I don't care" or "wad ever" attitude, can suck my balls! If someone says that to me, it says that they are inconsiderate of others and they are dismissing ownership and responsibility of their own actions. It's very selfish and rude. Let me tell you now and believe me, It does not work for them!! They DO NOT cruise through life not worrying about others or the destruction they leave! They are indeed selfish in my eyes. Do you really want to be this way and have a heartless, horrible attitude?? I can't imagine why anyone would want be like that?? No way could I be like that, it's not me! Foxy
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RHP User
12 years ago
mental illness may play a part. Particularly in narcacistic personality disorder. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thats how some people are just mean have a very self absorbed attitude and you know are generally selfish. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes people who have that attitude seem to take less responsibility for their actions and attitude....because they know the harm they are causing. I do think that the more hurtful people are the more umm I'll just say guilty that person is. There is a saying " a bad tree never produces good fruit". In saying this though, I do feel that in some cases, over time a person has developed this kind of attitude because of what has happened to them and/or a feeling of not being able to change what has been done. If anything, when I see or meet a person who is hurtful and displays such terrible behaviour and attitudes I really do feel for them....which yes has caused me much hurt in the past.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think we are who we are often in spite of our upbringing.....but then I ran away from home when I was seventeen.... It was the most liberating thing that I have ever done..my parents were narrow minded and often cruel....physically and verbally abusive .In those days parents were rarely even critised for abuse let alone charged with anything,children were just possessions ...I have tried to be everything my parents were not,so I suppose in an odd way they were reverse role models xx Q
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madotara69
12 years ago
Must have been a shitty time to go through. Lucky for us we get on good with mum and dad, so well in fact, tomorrow at lunch, we shall be telling them we are moving in with them......for a little while. Bogans we are now he he.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think we are who we are often in spite of our upbringing.....but then I ran away from home when I was seventeen.... It was the most liberating thing that I have ever done..my parents were narrow minded and often cruel....physically and verbally abusive .In those days parents were rarely even critised for abuse let alone charged with anything,children were just possessions ...I have tried to be everything my parents were not,so I suppose in an odd way they were reverse role models xx Q
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madotara69
12 years ago
Miss Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
Did a favor for an elderly friend drove her to sydney ok an hour and half drive I thought no worries I will stop at the casino after....only thing is I was robbed $500.00 under all the security......and I only get my money if they catch him even though they have it all on security footage...
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RHP User
12 years ago
We can try and change and guess we do a little when love reaches the heart n meets the soul with a person in our lives... But in saying that at the end of the day we are who we are and it's part of our make up so I wldnt change either... Sadly many people often read us the wrong way at first meet? Only time shows a true person :)) they say in a new relationship it takes at least two years to sift through the clouds of desire to see a real person and there worth (don't mean money)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for sharing that. Yes I must say that there are things I have seen in my parents that I have consciously decided no, I will not do that. Sometimes you learn more from a stranger than you do from one of your own family members.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I have heard that saying alot too "nice guys finish last".... And the cheats, the abusers, wankers, etc - well they never seem to finish last, and seem to get away with everything.... Mrs Cheeky - is the person who would help anyone out, whether she liked the person or not... If someone needed her help, she would help them, and ask for nothing in return - just a thankyou... But in saying this - I feel that by being a nice person to alot of people, I have been taken for granted, perceived in a negative way by some too... And of cause the person someoone calls on when there seems to be no one else around for them... Over the last 6mths though - I have changed alot and yes Im still a nice person and would still do "nice" things for people but I have now drew a line and I put me first and think about my feelings first before I do the nice things... Leoman I agree with something that you have written - I feel sorry for some of the hurtful people out there, it must be very sad to be like that alot of the time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Do you really want to be this way and have a heartless, horrible attitude?? I can't imagine why anyone would want be like that?? Yes, many do. They just don't call it that, nor see there is anything wrong with their attitude. It's others that have the problem, not them.These are the people that may find themselves utterly alone in the end, with no one to care for (or about) them.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am an opportunist and I am fortunate to have a modicum of intelligence.I worked in a library and bookshops when I was young,that is where I discovered anarchist philosophy and later I tripped over Tibetan Buddhist philosophy and met some amazing people who were incredible role models....I studied Buddhism for over twenty years and I have lived in a number of Buddhist communities.....I live a simple life and believe that the two most important things are to be happy and try and do as little harm as possible xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
In her last post that makes me feel sorry for the people who push others away and/or do not identify destructive behaviours to make a change Cheekyarses (trying to be serious here, but these profile names are cool hehe). These people do end up alone. Going back to my childhood I remember watching the movie Home Alone II...do guys remember that movie? There was this lady who lived as a homeless person in the park....she was alone and all she had was her pigeons. She was alone because she was guilty if something she had done and said in the past. Yes I know it is just a movie, but I think it touches on why some people become utterly mean....the feel the pain they cause...they hurt because of it...but just don't know how to deal with it properly. It is easy for us to hate them back..maybe it's the reaction they want because it's their way of getting attention...but I believe we cannot let these people continue on the way they are going. I don't think it is my responsibility to help...I just feel it is duty of care to show kindness to others and to offer help. What I am trying to figure out however, is when to say stop and when to walk away from a destructive person and not feel guilty for that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'bi_for_cpls' mental illness may play a part. Particularly in narcacistic personality disorder. - Posted from rhpmobile I found an article the other day.....very informative 18 signs you're dealing with a narscissit It was said to me the other day that my ex was a selfish arsehole I did not rasie my children like that although they saw and hated his attitude and him but now they have learnt by being selfish arseholes thats how you can get what you want. Thats not how they will get anything from me though.
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RHP User
12 years ago
.....I find it more rewarding and makes me happy to be nice. This doesn't mean you are a doormat and can’t be assertive. Yes I say No to what I will not do...however not to hurt people or out of sheer nastiness. To see the happiness in other peoples face and the smiles you get when you treat them with respect and love is more than enough. Sometimes it makes me cry out of happiness....yes I go totally mushy over it. People call me sometimes bad names because I stand my ground in my job.....and I have to do what is necessary I know in any case what I have to do is never with hate grudge or a sheer I GET YOU BACK....that’s beyond my personality. But also beyond my belief system....I know we will not be treated in the same way from anybody; however this doesn't mean I have to be the same nasty person. It works for me. And yes it hurts when you open your email at work and someone send you a very, very nasty email....only because they didn't get their way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'leoman'It is easy for us to hate them back..maybe it's the reaction they want because it's their way of getting attention...but I believe we cannot let these people continue on the way they are going. I don't think it is my responsibility to help...I just feel it is duty of care to show kindness to others and to offer help. In my work with drug addicts I come across many who are mean and vicious and I most certainly have a duty of care. It's my job to be compassionate, respectful and kind, and to be there if these men and women want/need help. But if those things weren't in my nature also, I would have not been able to fulfill this role for the last twenty years. As for where to draw the line: I am the most important person in my life, and the better I look after myself, the more of myself I can give. (Mothers on planes are told to put the oxygen masks on themselves first, then their children, right?)
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RHP User
12 years ago
your a nice guy but you are a great catch but you are such a perfect gentleman but you are a great guy but and the list goes on and on, you get the drift. What is wrong with women that start the conversation like that. its like its not you its me.and the thing is all these women are looking for the perfect gentleman prince charming are they ling and just to scared to say the truth steam vented
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RHP User
12 years ago
And I can be mean... What makes the difference is your attitude toward me. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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MissBishere
12 years ago
Because they are considerate lovers...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am not a nice person, I am me... I have my wants and needs just like any good narcissist... the difference is I need to treat others with the same respect and dignity what I want to be treated with. Do I finish last... yes, most of the time.I tried to change that last Friday night but just couldn't bring myself to it... oh well. (big thank you for my wingwoman who put herself out there for me) OP, I personally don't think you should change... would you really be that happy being like those self absorbed and selfish people you mentioned? SG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow I can only imagine how taxing it may be to you dealing with such sensitive issues with members of the public. I am just assuming here but, have you learnt to say stop or know when enough is enough through training in your profession? It would be interesting to know or to learn such things.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' And I can be mean... What makes the difference is your attitude toward me. :) - Posted from rhpmobileQuoting 'sir_stir' And I can be mean... What makes the difference is your attitude toward me. :) - Posted from rhpmobile Responding to hate with hate, meanness with meanness etc just fills the world up with more hate and meanness. There is an alternative, which has worked for me for a long time ... I prefer to respond with tolerance/ kindness/ understanding /empathy, or if I can't do that, to walk away. Just some food for thought Mr S x
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RHP User
12 years ago
"It got me to thinking how do people become like that.....it seems to work for them....they cruise through life not worrying about others or the destruction they leave." Personality disorders. It's not a good thing.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Nice guys get a rough deal for sure...I've been there! Hence the reason I'm here to try things on thebother side ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Of my statement. Maybe I should've just said.... Treat me nice, you'll have my attention. Treat me less than nice....you'll see me as I leave. Or at least that's what my conscious intent was, though upon reflection, with a little help from your comment, I can see how that could be interpreted that way. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
hey its human nature comes easy to some to crap on others but to change an be like them no got pride no need to stoop that low an don't forget karma
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'leoman'have you learnt to say stop or know when enough is enough through training in your profession? It's been all learning on the job. Though at the same time I think some can and some can't. A new colleague once spent her first two days crying because she felt so sorry for the clients. She left after that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have way too much empathy , which is a good thing. But with all good things there can be a down-side at times . I know how you feel. I have been rescuing animals all my life which gets me very emotional these days . I am obviously very shy as well . Hahaha no wonder I have never married
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Poppinout'I have been rescuing animals all my life which gets me very emotional these days . As a huge animal lover...I applaud your rescue efforts and your emotions about them. I completely understand... I started a vet science degree a couple of years ago but realised not long after starting that I should never have even applied to do it. I just get too emotional and can't maintain any objectivity when it comes to animals.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Why do things have to go to a deeper level? We are what we are good,bad and indifferent!We all choose a pathway which is morally good for some and quite tedious and totally immoral to others.I just keep a simplistic option - Treat others how I like to be treated,if it doesnt work so be it,I dont get burnt twice lesson learnt.Doesnt mean the next person doesnt get the same courtesy! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some definitely can and some absolutely can't. Wow a shame to hear that about your work colleague...former I should say. To me she is the perfect example of a person who involves herself...all of herself and shows complete sympathy and empathy...all without being objective and separate from the person in need and their circumstances. Have you read the book The Road Less Travelled? If not, I strongly recommend it to you. I won't spoil it by telling you what it is about ;)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Totally get what you're saying here. I just don't get how humans can think themselves separate or about the environment and ecosystems in which we live in....have you guys seen the doco The Cove? It shows what really goes on in Japan when they kill dolphins for food...I got to warn you though it is full on...but damn it is inspirational. It's what inspired me to start Environmental Science.
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erotictouch4u
12 years ago
"Treat others as you would have them treat you".I'm always nice, whether they deserve it or not and I know my Karma will return to me someday. ET xox
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was raised to be polite, respect others/ elders etc, I try to do my best. How often is it reciprocated? Hardly ever, I might not be that old in comparison to others, so I'm sure they've seen it get worse over time, so I'm sure it becomes disheartening, even bittersweet, why waste your time being to nice to someone you don't know? You never know, you might actually come across one individual that makes you think "Well that was worth it." Some have said they speak their minds, but if they don't take responsibility for their actions then they're not worth a second more of your time. I speak my mind, I stand by what I say, if confronted I have a reason for it, not just that I'm a C*&t. Don't waste your time on those not worth it, but unfortunately you can't always know until you talk to them. They might burn bridges early in life and seem to get away with it, don't be so sure, quite often people can be defensive as a defense mechanism, so you never know, they might actually be hurting because they stuffed up and they have walls up because of their own actions. What goes around comes around. Bottom line is, don't change yourself for someones idea of perfect, their version of perfect is never your version and you'll hate yourself for it at some point in time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
we are always told by our female friends that they want a nice guy....PFFT they want a bad arse that treats them like shit.dont ask me why this is so, but it is just what life has shown meNICE GUYS DONT GET THE GIRL THEY END UP LONELY.End rant
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'RunAwayJoinCircz' In fact what you're saying is completely backed up by the most recent studies and anthropological studies. The more selfish, Narcissistic, even Psychopathic someone is the better they will do in Western Culture. I strongly recommend a book called "The Psychopath Test: A Journey through the madness Industry" by Jon Ronson which talks about (among other things) the number of CEOs and other mega-powerful people who exhibit behavior defined as Psychopathic (So the total lack of empathy, the total lack of compassion). Don't worry too much about it, because It depends on what your definition of 'Finishing first' is. If you think It's important to live your life so that It causes less suffering than harm.....well then how can anyone say that's "BAD", or that you should achieve more? There are 8 Billion people on the planet, not everyone wins Gold. We have a big chunk of gold, it's hidden in the middle of the land, it's painted bright red, can't take it to the bank, it's to heavy. he he he he Had to be there. Australiana was the topic.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's great to see a thread where people can find some common ground. Posters in agreement on a common issue. Some excellent feedback on this post so far to this point of time. Mostly. And some wise philosophy. Will follow this topic for it's duration. Cheers.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Have you ever wondered why so many women are drawn to bad boys even though they treat them like Shit? Unfortunately if you are too nice women will tire of you Despite what they may say Harsh buy true
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you have achieved a level of happiness or contentment with what you have and where you are in life,then it is probably almost impossible to be mean spirited and uncaring of others.Some of the happiest people that I have met ,have almost nothing,but what they have ,is family ,friends and a supportive community......we have lots of material "'stuff"' but often not much of the other .....xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I couldn't agree more... Do the users,bad boys,call them what you will really win? I think being prepared to open your heart and emotions to others indeed is a sign of strength .... It's been said that all humans are "in it for themselves" ...in a way that's true I guess... Why do you do a good thing for others? By helping them,you get an emotional return from it and feel fulfilled,is it a bad thing? Not in my book,everyone's a winner..... If your a user,its a one way street,you feel better by making others feel bad....emotional parasites, total sign of weakness in my book. I've been called a "nice guy" , I love people,animals and sure ,I've been dealt a few blows by others along the way....I eventually learned being a nice guy doesn't mean you can be used as a doormat by anyone. It's a balancing act. I once had a very attractive partner who had an ex living nearby,it came to my attention he was keen to rekindle their get togethers without me ,or his wife knowing, hey I'm a nice guy right,what would I do? Well he found out,I put him on the spot,I stood up for myself and informed him of a few options we could persue and how he will be the loser everytime....bad boy looked quite timid....nice guy wins! By the way,no options offered involved threats of violence..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'evahard4' we are always told by our female friends that they want a nice guy....PFFT they want a bad arse that treats them like shit.dont ask me why this is so, but it is just what life has shown meNICE GUYS DONT GET THE GIRL THEY END UP LONELY.End rant How are you going to be lonely your married............and if your marraige isnt working for you...........then you need to change that......I got sick of being that door mat. I just had a thought about my ex and how he made me feel he left me with the impression I didnt do enough....so when I thought I found a genuine person I over did it.........I didnt want another person thinking that of me. Unforunately I did too mush for everyone. I am not saying I ever regret being nice just what has it gotten me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...what you see is what you get. In other words, if you are nice then we will be nice, if not then not. We attempt to remain polite if at all possible but don;t always manage it. Also, life is not a race, so finishing positions have no meaning.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'evahard4' we are always told by our female friends that they want a nice guy....PFFT they want a bad arse that treats them like shit.dont ask me why this is so, but it is just what life has shown meNICE GUYS DONT GET THE GIRL THEY END UP LONELY.End rant I'd say you're looking for the wrong girls. I don't really buy into the last guys finish last theory, I know plenty of decent guys who've gotten the girl (in the past I've been one of them) - but it's important to consider *why* one doesn't 'get the girl'. Inaction and incompatibility usually tend to be the reasons.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'evahard4' NICE GUYS DONT GET THE GIRL THEY END UP LONELY. I've had the bad boys when I was young, and am looking for a genuinely nice guy. However, some of the really nice men I know are shy, too giving (won't say doormats, but....) and/or insecure. Those are traits I don't go for. I feel that finding a selfless guy with a heart of gold who is self-confident, outgoing and and who takes charge in the bedroom is hard! Thoughts?
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RHP User
12 years ago
There you have it :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Look no further.....hahaha...oh gosh I can just see your eyes roll now :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'bradjm63' Have you ever wondered why so many women are drawn to bad boys These bad guys usually have very desirable traits also, like the ones I listed in my previous post. Same with psychopaths, they tend to be self-assured, outgoing and very charming. I'd like to find these qualities in a "nice guy".
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'bradjm63' Have you ever wondered why so many women are drawn to bad boys These bad guys usually have very desirable traits also, like the ones I listed in my previous post. Same with psychopaths, they tend to be self-assured, outgoing and very charming. I'd like to find these qualities in a "nice guy". was a bad guy, Ned Kelly, and Batman ............./\./\ Mado /``\ (black ears and matching cape) ........|...\.^./...| ......./....|.B|..'.\ ...../...../......\.....\
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'evahard4' NICE GUYS DONT GET THE GIRL THEY END UP LONELY. I've had the bad boys when I was young, and am looking for a genuinely nice guy. However, some of the really nice men I know are shy, too giving (won't say doormats, but....) and/or insecure. Those are traits I don't go for. I feel that finding a selfless guy with a heart of gold who is self-confident, outgoing and and who takes charge in the bedroom is hard! Thoughts? a guy can be confident in every thing he does, but when it comes to women shy away and appear to be insecure all they need is a chance, a woman that can see past that. you only need to go out with them a couple of times they will open up and you will see there is a lot more to them and if ever put in the position put themselves in harms way to protect some one even though the odds are against them.example My Dad was a nice guy reason why my mum married him always stood up for her and others, but to know him he was quiet, the grey man so to speak some one that was there but not there. one particular night he was coming home from the pub after a Christmas break up came across a group of guys (18 or so) smashing a car while a woman was inside it he stepped in to stop it and got a plant stake in the gut for it and a beating that left him in hospital for 2 months. he never even knew the person. normally it take a huge amount of courage for a nice guy to even approach a woman especially if that woman is extremely hot and surrounded buy all the so called bad boys. I guess what I’m trying to say is appearances aren’t all that they seem Give them a go you might be pleasantly surprised. you might find that guy you are looking for My 2 cents worth crawls back under the rock I came from
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RHP User
12 years ago
IME many people think and say they want a nice person, but feel and act upon attraction to different qualities. In the same sense many people treat a nice person like shit even though they stand to gain so much, and others treat a bad person too well even though they never get anything tangible in return. It's irrational, but we are all complex beings so somewhat understandable. Perhaps it's a yin/yang answer, be nice and also naughty in the right doses, be strong and selfless in the right situations, give without being a pushover, receive without being destructive, be considerate when taking charge, respect boundaries when there's pressure to just go with the flow.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Its all the in the perception some people are spineless therefore take all interaction as if it were criticism so be urself and if someone dont like it.......NEXT!!!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
The Good You Do Today......People Will Often Forget Tomorrow..... Do Good Anyway If You Are Honest And Sincere.....People May Cheat You..... Be Honest And Sincere Anyway.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
Just like Byron,mad ,bad,and dangerous to know:-) :-) :-) xx Q
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madotara69
12 years ago
Thinking Meander is sincerely flirting, he he Again
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'LadyTuscan' Yes nice people finish last at times, that's the nature of the world we live in. I believe that (not just the "nice" people, but) the truly gentle and sensitive souls are more prone to being bullied and depression.It makes me sad that in this dog-eat-dog world there is so little room for them. They should be cherished like the treasures they are. My ex has her issues but underneath is a very caring person. When things got hard for her though she would put up a wall, I tried my best to find a gentle way past that wall and help her. The problem was she had been manipulated by previous boyfriends and I think she thought I was doing the same. In her efforts to keep a wall between us she said and did some things that I don't think I'll ever forget and has left me in a depression for years now. I know so much about her, I could be such a jerk and possibly wreck her life but why would I do that to someone I care about ( it wouldn't change how I feel ) I know the reason it hurts is cause I love her and in the end she chose to treat me like nothing to protect herself. I think a lot of people in this situation let their pain turn to anger as part of grieving because it's easier to deal with than facing that someone they love hurt them so much and make excuses for why it's justified. Some people may think it's a dog eat dog world and they can do what they like in all sorts of situations but I think they should realise that if we all did, They would find themselves shuffled a long way down. I'm trying to stand for what I believe in without letting it affect what I know is right, after all quoting Monkey Magic "Dwelling on the faults of your brother only multiplies your own and you are far from the end of the way"
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RHP User
12 years ago
...like the nice guys...and there's a few right here.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' ...like the nice guys...and there's a few right here. So, 2 is still on the scale of 1 to ten, or 2 and a little bit?
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MsSuperFoxy
12 years ago
Quoting 'evahard4' we are always told by our female friends that they want a nice guy....PFFT they want a bad arse that treats them like shit.dont ask me why this is so, but it is just what life has shown meNICE GUYS DONT GET THE GIRL THEY END UP LONELY.End rant Women do not want a bard arse to treat them like shit... Arss holes do that and speak arssholian..... Smart women get played all the time, not because they are inexperienced but because these men watch and wait. They tell women unbelievable stories to reel them in and treat them like shit! No smart women wants that... Nice guys do not end up lonely PFFFT to the, they do met smart women. The arssholes are the ones who have taught smart women to guard their hearts. So really it's arssholes, that have spoiled it for smart women. A smart women wants a GOOD man, not a nice all round fence sitter, nice man. Just sayin... Foxy
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RHP User
12 years ago
Would you fuck 'em? :-P
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MsSuperFoxy
12 years ago
in my eyes are boring and passive.. it actually turns me off. I've been with so called nice men and they truely drove me friggin nuts! They just couldn't stand up for themselves or be assertive, always making peace with everyone, didn't like hurting other peoples feelings/emotions....always looked and cared for everyone else except themselves - like a doormat. I like for GOOD men, men who know who they are and what they want, can stand up for their self, be assertive. That's really really appealing to me. If one can be assertive with me and put me in my place when needed sometimes, it's a good thing. I need that...goes vice versa, just sayin! Foxy who likes good men in her life!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was told I was too nice, she mose well of kicked me in the balls! So umm you like being treated like shit? Oh... That's different.. Oh know not you again.. Next... And for my two cents, let em hate an let those love them.
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RHP User
12 years ago
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'INUTERO69' I was told I was too nice, she mose well of kicked me in the balls! So umm you like being treated like shit? Oh... That's different.. Oh know not you again.. Next... And for my two cents, let em hate an let those love them. Deep too. Hang in there young feller, it's just a short ride. Live and let live hey? Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love a bard arse... :-) :-) xxQ
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madotara69
12 years ago
For example: I was walking down the corridor at the local hospital the other day, saw a bloke pulling himself off. I saw a doctor coming and said "Hey doc! that bloke over there, is he ok? " The Dr looked over and said, "yeah we have a few patients with his condition, he is ok" A little further down the hallway, I noticed a nurse in with a patient giving him a blowjob in his room. Same Dr was heading back towards me, so I said "hey doc! that bloke in there is getting a blowjob off a nurse" The Dr half phased said, "yeah same condition as that other patient, different insurance plan."
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RHP User
12 years ago
Badass yes.... Smelly ass no?? ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
At first glance a bad boy can seem strong, decisive, good at knowing what he wants and getting it, and of course a little bit exciting. They appear to have real strength of character, to be a leader of sorts, and to go after what they want in life, which is hugely attractive for a lot of women. Scratch under the surface of a genuine bad boy and he often turns out to be a self-absorbed asshole, but by the time a woman discovers this she's probably already hooked and it can be hard to walk away. At first glance a nice guy can seem weak, indecisive, a doormat, unclear about who he is and what he wants from life, and so on. He appears to have no strength of character - easily led, not a lot of vision for himself, Scratch under the surface of a nice guy and you could potentially find strength, clarity, decisiveness etc to go along with the kindness, tenderness, helpfulness, respect etc. There's a guy in the middle of both of these archetypes - with a great mix of all the qualities. That's who I look for :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
The word is bard xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
As long as it's not barge!!! ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'lilmiss_fussy' At first glance a bad boy can seem strong, decisive, good at knowing what he wants and getting it, and of course a little bit exciting. They appear to have real strength of character, to be a leader of sorts, and to go after what they want in life, which is hugely attractive for a lot of women. Scratch under the surface of a genuine bad boy and he often turns out to be a self-absorbed asshole, but by the time a woman discovers this she's probably already hooked and it can be hard to walk away. At first glance a nice guy can seem weak, indecisive, a doormat, unclear about who he is and what he wants from life, and so on. He appears to have no strength of character - easily led, not a lot of vision for himself, Scratch under the surface of a nice guy and you could potentially find strength, clarity, decisiveness etc to go along with the kindness, tenderness, helpfulness, respect etc. There's a guy in the middle of both of these archetypes - with a great mix of all the qualities. That's who I look for :) If he's over 6ft tall, I'll fight you for him.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm only just six foot.;)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Awww you can always buy elevator brogues....they are quite notice :-) xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'd need a fuckin' ladder...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'lilmiss_fussy' At first glance a bad boy can seem strong, decisive, good at knowing what he wants and getting it, and of course a little bit exciting. They appear to have real strength of character, to be a leader of sorts, and to go after what they want in life, which is hugely attractive for a lot of women. Scratch under the surface of a genuine bad boy and he often turns out to be a self-absorbed asshole, but by the time a woman discovers this she's probably already hooked and it can be hard to walk away. At first glance a nice guy can seem weak, indecisive, a doormat, unclear about who he is and what he wants from life, and so on. He appears to have no strength of character - easily led, not a lot of vision for himself, Scratch under the surface of a nice guy and you could potentially find strength, clarity, decisiveness etc to go along with the kindness, tenderness, helpfulness, respect etc. There's a guy in the middle of both of these archetypes - with a great mix of all the qualities. That's who I look for :) If he's over 6ft tall, I'll fight you for him. I have a cherry picker will that elevate me high enough
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RHP User
12 years ago
I meant noice:-)
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madotara69
12 years ago
stilettos would get you up there.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The old "nice guys finish last" is a crock, if all you're bringing to the table is being a" nice guy" it's not going to be enough and then you'll fall into that "I'm a victim trap." Same goes for women who say "men are only after one thing" Most women who say that seem to only have that to offer. I'm a bit like you OP, I've been told I'm too nice and sometimes that can backfire you end up getting used or taken for granted. Is that going to change me? No way, I'm happy being me for the most part my conscience is clear. I'm sure some people that I have come across might judge me as being weak at times because I to try and avoid conflict more often than not but I consider it a strength not a weakness.Walking away or turning the other cheek takes guts. In saying that though when I do need to take a stand on something/ or against someone I do it, aggressively. Much to the surprise of the very people who judge me weak. In my experience narcissists or sociopaths is that they generally very unhappy people. Nothing's ever good enough for them. They tend to complain/judge pretty much everyone and everything just to make them feel better about themselves. I couldn't think of anything worse than being like that, imagine not ever really feeling love or true happiness. Sure being compassionate and sympathetic can get you hurt but I think it's worth the risk. I recently read an article called "confessions of a sociopath" if anyone is interested google it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
..we discussed the end of my relationship, the future and the past. As you do.. He is a good 11yrs younger than me with a( in my opinion, of course ) cold, pragmatic, even ruthless outlookon life that appears to have been successful for him. Financially, at least. I remember he said to me "….. I don't like everything about you, but that's only normal( er'..thanks, I think ).You've got to set goals in life. Because if you don't, someone else is going to use you to fulfil theirs." I certainly don't like everything about my workmate either, but I feel he is right.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe a good topic....How Bard Arse can you be?......:-) :-) xxQ
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bard Arse = Denis Leary. SG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe I was, but I'm learning!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe an arse,barely a bard :-) xx Q
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