M55
Laugh Out Loud
July 02 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a guy named Dave,Who dug up a whore from a grave.She was moldy and sh1tty,And only had one tittyBut look at the money he saved!*giggles because that's her x-husband's name* ... MY BAD!!!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a vampire called Mabel whose periods were quite unstable. By the light of the moon, she got out a spoon, and drank herself under the table.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a girl from Peru Who said she had nothing to do She sat on some stairs And counted cunt hairs Four thousand, six hundred and two
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm already smiling from ear to ear ;) GG♒ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was at the pub with a friend recently and we got talking to another couple. When we got around to introductions, the guy said his name was John. My friend remarked she knows alot of Johns to which I quipped 'What do you charge?'. I don't think I need to say, I went home alone. :(
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Funlover71'I don't think I need to say, I went home alone. :( There once was a Lover of Fun, who never could make a good pun. His date was offended, and so his night ended before it had even begun.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a man from NantucketWhose dick was so long he could suck itAnd he said with a grinAs he wiped off his chin"if my ear was a cunt I could fuck it"
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RHP User
13 years ago
Very good Embody. I'm no good at puns but I love to twist what people say into something I find amusing.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Em? Ms Em? Who knows, it might be different next week. *Runs off to find more giggle-worthy stuff*
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RHP User
13 years ago
Two deer come out of a gay bar, and one says to the other: "I can't believe I just blew 20 bucks in there".
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RHP User
13 years ago
What did the leper say to the hooker? "Keep the tip."
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a young whore from Kilkenny, Who charged two fucks for a penny, For half of that sum, You could bugger her bum, An economy practised by many- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a man named Crockett,Who stuck his dick in a socket.Some son of a bitchTurned on the switch,And Crockett shot out like a rocket.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a man from Peru,who fell asleep in a canoe,while dreaming of venus,he played with his penis,and woke up with a hand full of goo.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a man from Nantucket ... Ahhh Fuck it ! I can't remember the rest :( GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was an old maid from Cape Cod Who thought all good things came from god. But it wasn't the almighty Who lifted her nighty, It was Roger, the lodger, by god.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. And he said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it."
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RHP User
13 years ago
An Irishman and Australian and American and Englishman walked into a bar and the bar said you cant come in here without a Thai :)A horse walks into the bar and the barman says why such a long face.I sat at the bar the other day and heard a voice say 'I like your jacket" I looked across and it was a Seal sitting at the bar. The Seal then said you are wearing a nice tie followed by you are looking good today. I asked the barman what the go was with the talking Seal he said.....................................Don't worry about it that is just our Seal of approval.I brash loud American walked into an Irish bar and said I will give $500 to any one who can drink 5 pints of your Guinness in 30 minutes. The pub went silent and and Paddy got up and left. 45 minutes latter Paddy walked back in and said I will accept your challenge and promptly downed the 5 pints in under 30 minutes. Astounded the Yank paid the money but asked Paddy where he had gone when he left the pub, Paddy looked at him sheepishly and said he had to confess, it was not a fair contest as he had slipped around to the pub on the corner to make sure he could do it before accepting the challenge.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You got a Hole-In-One ;) That's the Ending I was looking for. GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MissKay' There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. And he said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it." on my screen ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
is Gold Quoting 'MissKay' There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. And he said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it."
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RHP User
13 years ago
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Lickherland
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RHP User
13 years ago
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman. Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?A. Call her and tell her.
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On_Safari
13 years ago
Mary had a widdle wamb, Davey had a duck, they put them on the table, to see if they would ffffffffffffff.....fall off. ;-D
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RHP User
13 years ago
lol i have nothing
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On_Safari
13 years ago
Sometimes I need great advice!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
pretty amusing as an insomniac ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Doesn't feel right without ms......something? A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink...barman says actually we have a drink named after you here he says " what Kevin?"
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RHP User
13 years ago
Why should women use this finger to masturbate Because it's mine
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RHP User
13 years ago
Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality! Boom boom!
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RHP User
13 years ago
walking past a gay bar when one turns to the other and says, wanna go in and get shitfaced.
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
Loving this topic!!! Giggling lots. Thanks GG
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a man from thoona, Who loved to go under the doona, As he went down, Under her gown, He reckoned she smelt like tuna!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Embody' What did the leper say to the hooker? "Keep the tip." Did you hear about the leper on the trampoline ?He strained himself.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Great one Mr G, wish I had one to add. Msfun
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was ayoung man from Rangoon, Who was an unfortunate hoon, He hadn't the luck, To be born of a fuck, But a hand job fed in by a spoon. I read a book many years ago, The Lure of The Limerick, if you can get hold of a copy grab it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Irish boy stands crying on the side of the road. A man asks him whats wrong ?The boy say's , it's Me Ma, shes dead..Oh bejaysus the man says, Do you want me to call Father O'Reilly for you. ?Oh' no tanks mister... sex is the last thing on my mind at a time like this.
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RHP User
13 years ago
GREAT Topic GG.Did you know there is a psychological disorder resulting from a lack of sex drive.....Aphallatosis.FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
I had a Trivia competition in the bag right up to the last question which I got wrong..The question was : Where do women have the curliest hair. ?Apparently the correct answer was Fiji....
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was an old man of Duluth,Whose cock was shot off in his youth,He f*cked with his nose,And his fingers and toes,And he came through a hole in his tooth!FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a young lady from Crewe, Who filled her vagina with glue, she said, with a grin, 'if they fight to get in', 'they can fight to get out of it too!'FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a girl from Balmoralwhose habits were highly immoralfor the price of a dime she took three at a time,one fore, one aft and one oralthere once was a man named "McSweeny"who spilled Gin on the end of his weeniejust to be couthhe added Vermouthand slipped his chick a "Martini"I think my post from last night was removed.... sorry if it offended anyone
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a Queen from Bulgariawhose pussy just kept getting Hairier'Til a prince from PeruCame around for a Screwand had to hunt, for her cunt, with a TerrierThere once was a man named "Molder"who attempted to throw a small BoulderInstead he tripped on a RockAnd grasped his own CockAnd through himself over his Shoulder!
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
Brains are awesome - everyone should have one!
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smo669
13 years ago
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say `123,` and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The man then asks, "What happens when it`s over, and I don`t want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is `1234`, and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another year." The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say `123` for?"
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smo669
13 years ago
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful women. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The women looks at him with disgust and says "Most certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet then."
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smo669
13 years ago
Three Girls enter an Elevator.... The brunette points at some thick white liquid on the wall and states;............... That looks like cum............The redhead smells the liquid and states;...............That smells like cum... The blond licks the liquid and states;.......It is Cum....And It`s not from anyone in our office!!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
A young man who lived north of Broome took a lesbian up to his room.They argued all nightover who had the rightto do what, and with which, and to whom.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a girl with imaginationwho shared with the RHP nationa limerick she wroterather than reciting by rotesomething copied from another locationThis is a site called Redhotpie Where people come to lie... in bed But not with whom they're wed Or at least they tri! RHP is a strange place Where many pics don't have a face There's many a body part Some shown as a piece of art Beautifully, with a sense of grace There are guys showing their cocks Cos that's what they think rocks In their bid to get attention From the women And get out of the starting blocks Or guys showing off motorcycles and cars Rather than let us see their scars Or an anonamous crowd Hanging out where the music is loud Usually at random bars Lots of guys show their chest As the part they think looks best Gotta love a taut six pack Of which there is no lack Do a search and put it to the test Many women display their rear As the part they hold most dear Or show their cleavage Usually above average At which most will leer Then there's the couple's nics Where it is mainly the wife you see in the pics Alone, with other women Or with one or more men Leaving us wondering which is which A wonderful place is Redhotpie Something about which I just can't lie A world of fantasy Where we can be whoever we want to be Or at least do our best to try
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'MrsPeachyPyre'There once was a girl with imaginationwho shared with the RHP nationa limerick she wroterather than reciting by rotesomething copied from another locationThis is a site called RedhotpieWhere people come to lie... in bed But not with whom they're wed Or at least they tri! RHP is a strange place Where many pics don't have a face There's many a body part Some shown as a piece of art Beautifully, with a sense of grace There are guys showing their cocks Cos that's what they think rocks In their bid to get attention From the women And get out of the starting blocks Or guys showing off motorcycles and cars Rather than let us see their scars Or an anonamous crowd Hanging out where the music is loud Usually at random bars Lots of guys show their chest As the part they think looks best Gotta love a taut six pack Of which there is no lack Do a search and put it to the test Many women display their rear As the part they hold most dear Or show their cleavage Usually above average At which most will leer Then there's the couple's nics Where it is mainly the wife you see in the pics Alone, with other women Or with one or more men Leaving us wondering which is which A wonderful place is Redhotpie Something about which I just can't lie A world of fantasy Where we can be whoever we want to be Or at least do our best to try
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RHP User
13 years ago
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RHP User
13 years ago
Roses are redViolets are blueMost limericks rhymeThis one doesn't.
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RHP User
13 years ago
A poem about RHP? That is just too much, words fail me. I need time to think while I pour me a drink, because rhyming's not my cup of tea. M**
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised'Hey, my limerick about Funlover was original ;-) A poem about RHP? That is just too much, words fail me. I need time to think while I pour me a drink, because rhyming's not my cup of tea. M** Yes it was, and very clever tooAs is this one, number twoMaybe more forumites will postrhymes that we can toastas we sup upon a brew
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RHP User
13 years ago
This is all starting to sound like the pages of a dirty Dr. Seuss book ;) GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' Quoting 'Funlover71'I don't think I need to say, I went home alone. :( There once was a Lover of Fun, who never could make a good pun. His date was offended, and so his night ended before it had even begun. A Devious young lady who often fantasised So she attended the Couples Club where she socialised While talking to a guy He mentioned he was bi And from then she was totally Mesmerised
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RHP User
13 years ago
Just Awesome
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RHP User
13 years ago
As PeachyPyre stepped in the spa, she said "Please help me take off my bra". It was thrown on the floor by not two hands, but four... She was having a ménage à trois. M**
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RHP User
13 years ago
I do like to have a bit of funspecially alongside my number oneBut now I'm feeling all shyand I just can't think whyLook at what you both have done!
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RHP User
13 years ago
There once was a poet called Peach,who's persona was fresh as the beach, she could write in one minutean ode with us in it, a wonderful verse she did teach!
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RHP User
13 years ago
On RHP a woman named Dingmade my soul dance and singwith words so delightful,at the same time so insightful,to me, much pleasure she did bring!So let me seeCan I limerick something sexyfor a lady with her mask so darkhiding a spirit full of sparkOrdinary men would suffer apoplexy!
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RHP User
13 years ago
hahaha very good!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
She just felt her heart skip a beat, when she imagined tonight's meet and greet. She has picked out her dress, hoping she can impress and feeling very much like a Dutch treat.
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RHP User
13 years ago
A dominant Warnervale lass, with personality chockfull of sass makes her way to Pitt St for tonight's meet and greet where she will be a giant success!
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a woman named PeachyAll too often she could be bitchyShe rather have funwith everyonewithout feeling she needs to be preachy
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RHP User
13 years ago
Ms D and Peachy you ladies are an almighty scream!! love it. xx Thanks for the laugh. FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a woman named foxy, who was not at all toxic, she undid her panties to discover her fantasy, OH MY what a wonderful sight of delight!! :) FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxy' Ms D and Peachy you ladies are an almighty scream!! love it. xx Thanks for the laugh. FOXY I most sincerely think Ms_D's style beats me pants down!!! Give me a minute n I'll see what I can come up with for you, haha only kidding, it does take me more'n a minute!There was a Foxy lady nothing about her was shadyShe hid in her panties a wonderful sightthat gave nothing but everlasting, lustful delightthat had many offering to 'be at your service milady'!
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RHP User
13 years ago
A woman from Queensland called Foxy, has proven that she's full of moxie. Believe it or not, she is so steaming hot that I'm feeling all warmed up by proxy.
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RHP User
13 years ago
And I must say, it's addicting! In a previous life a fellow RHP-er wrote this: There once was a girl called Ms Devious, with a wink and a smile so mischevious. When she finished her lover, said "Bring me another. I'm making up for years previous."
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RHP User
13 years ago
Oh dear God! We are hypnisied by a lady called mesmerised....tongues hanging out, dribble of drool... Watch out cause she's no bloody Fool!!! FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
The Queen of Hearts She baked some tarts The King filled them All with cream. Little Miss Muppet Sat on her tuffet And fed them To Mr.Green Four and twenty naked birds Were eating Peachy pie, When Little Jack Horner Sitting in the corner said,oh look what a Mischievous lad am I.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Little Miss Meeka the pleasure seeker Loved a girl and bi-boy orgy. Lots of cocks ,and ladies sans frocks Like PaintMe and her who previous , Was known as MsDevious.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Now I'm feeling neglectedmy attempt at an apology rejectedBut I'm addicted too to this rhymingto which I'll put a lot of time inEven if to the presidency I won't be elected
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'ding26'lol i have nothing There was a cute lady called Ding Who when fucked did love to sing Until the very sad day She met "giant Ray" Who possessed an incredibly large thing
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'TongueCramps' Quoting 'ding26'lol i have nothing There was a cute lady called Ding Who when fucked did love to sing Until the very sad day She met "giant Ray" Who possessed an incredibly large thing Please give Ray my number!!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
She entered with long hair in teal,and lust in the room she did feel.Though didnt meet all, she still had a ball,and the hearts of a few she did steal!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Awesome!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's sure fun playing with everyoneThere's nothing like a well turned punOr a new look at nursery rhymesthrough Feya's imaginative eyesThis thread had the day well begun for me!
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a young lady called Freya,Her age did never betray 'er,She knew of the perks,Writing profiles for jerks,With the heat of their body's they'd pay 'er!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm sitting in my room in Bangkok.........With no one to play with but my sock........So I thought I'd get on Pie........Just to say hi.......And no, I won't be wearing a lady boys frock.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Little girl Blue cum blow some horns, Beau peeps are in the meadows,their names Are all Sean, Kizza and co think they are the go, But with that smile, you could make any Cold arse warm.
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RHP User
13 years ago
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RHP User
13 years ago
My everything, something Deep Blue, Your opinions, they always ring true. You are stunning and smart, and have THE biggest heart. Now please do un-block me, would you? Kiddingkiddingkidding.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Humpty Dumped me,puddin'and cream pie. Little Bo Peep is not into sheep,she likes her Men to be Manly. The lttle dog laughed to see such Fun And Kizz ran away too soon.
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is not something written by me but a few lines of music lyrics and background shouting, sung in a scene with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson from the movie 'Anger Management' that always give me a laugh, they're stopped in the middle of the freeway and people aren't happy. I woke up this morning with them ringing in my head keeping a big grin on may face throughout the day... thought often about posting them earlier... but was busy and put the music on the pc later in the day (for the first time in a little while), only to see this was the next song in the list LOL! Meant to be, so here y'are...Jack Nicholson: BumBumBUM(3X) I feel pretty, Oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay, And I pity, Any girl who isn't me today, Jack Nicholson: Lalalalalalalala I feel charming, Oh so charming, It's alarming how charming I feel, Angery Driver #1: Move your ass dip shit! And so pretty that I hardly believe im real, Jack Nicholson: lalalalalalala, Angery Driver #2: Burn in hell! See that pretty girl in that mirror there (what mirror where) Who can that attractive girl be (which one where hum) What a pretty face (Hum) What a pretty dress (Hum) What a pretty smile (Hum) What a pretty meeee (Hummm) I feel stunning (feel stunning) And entrancing (and entrancing) Both: Feel like running and dancing for joy for I'm loved by a pretty wonderful boy! Note:Adam Sandler sang everything except for the words in ( ) that Jack Nicholson sang. Haha and don't forget the drivers in the background. Angry driver #1 etc.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I've owned the West Side Story soundtrack since I was fourteen, but this rendition of I feel pretty blew me away! Gold!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you DB.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My god......this forum is a stream!!!! FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' Thank you DB.
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RHP User
12 years ago
A lass had the boys Mesmerised.With her luscious and powerful thighs.They would walk broken glass,For a glimpse of her arse,'til her strap-on brought tears to their eyes !
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RHP User
12 years ago
There was a young lady called PeachHer niche was the forum to teachHer patience won't lingerShe gave 'em the fingerAnd went for a swim at the beach
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' I've owned the West Side Story soundtrack since I was fourteen, but this rendition of I feel pretty blew me away! Gold! Hehe, I've a bit of thing for soundtracks Mesmerising but 'West Side Story' is one I don't have. My favourites tend to be from what I've heard in my lifetime, most quite aged now I suppose.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya73' Little girl Blue cum blow some horns, Beau peeps are in the meadows,their names Are all Sean, Kizza and co think they are the go, But with that smile, you could make any Cold arse warm. as president of the union I insist that u cough up a royalty cheque for referencing my fine name in a limerick. I have actually been to limerick in Ireland. fascinating place really. not that humourous either surprisingly. the locals have a quaint name for their town. "stab city". tea anyone? haha
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RHP User
12 years ago
Miss Piscilla Has a rough cut puntNot a punt cut roughBut a rough cut puntGreat for at parties
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RHP User
12 years ago
What do I want?How do I feel ?Is this what I want ?Is this how I feel ?Beautiful big boobies.Couples with toys.And big well hung toy boys who also like boys.Smiles full of promice.And scowls of contempt.The profiles march by and tempt and tempt and tempt.I'm only eighteen will you be my Dad.I'll piss on your face, please spank me, I'm bad.And then there's the one who's just looking at you.you message and wait and wait for your cue.A message ! An answer, the mouse is too slow, open you bastard, Oh please don't say NO !Oh fuck she likes me ! She'a laughing and keen. Should I play a bit coy or just vent my spleen.The world doesn't exist for the next couple of days, the emails and texts spear in through the haze.And the meeting, first glance, the hug, the smiles, the party in my pants !Her smell is alluring her smile disarms, the warmth in her loins is calling my glans.Leaving is hard, her eyes how they beckon, she want's me again, should I stay ? Do you reckon ?Home alone, with only the memory, of her whispers, caresses and awesome firm mammories !Turn on the computer, log on to the site, Oh fuck she's online, perusing the pages, oh shit, okay. She's been on for ages.NEXT !RR
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RHP User
12 years ago
There was this young man a FunloverBangkoks bars he would go undercoverFelt a hand grope his moundBut when he turned aroundAlas, it was his best mates mother?
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RHP User
12 years ago
The man we call MisterGreenHis posts are never obsceneHe's has lots of classAnd a paid up hall passOh' the legs he can get in between! !
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