F56

Criticising and Arguing

January 14 2015

I've said before on the forums that I believe in commenting on what people say not who they are. The level of personal attacks that occur on these forums is gobsmacking at times. Critiquing, debating and arguing is a skill, easily learned. Philosopher David Dennett offers one of my favourite methods, in four simple steps: 1 - You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way. 2 - You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement). 3 - You should mention anything you have learned from your target. 4 - Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism. The magic of this approach is that your 'opponent' is automatically more receptive to what you want to say because you've shown a clear understanding of what they said, you've agreed with what you can agree with, and you've personally reflected. These are all key to good conflict management/avoidance. Oh, and the other bit of magic is that it stops you looking like an obnoxious or vindictive twat. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

But cunt should never be used in a pejorative sense,and he definitely didnt mean it as a compliment...but he was a pussy 😊xxFreya.

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madotara69

11 years ago

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RHP User

11 years ago

I beg your pardon, but twat did you say?? 😝 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Twat's the problem you lot...

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RHP User

11 years ago

Twat do i owe this pleasure? Lol, youre a funny bunch. And Freya, grain of salt. Flick it off your shoulder. Or in this case... Your twat !! 😜

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RHP User

11 years ago

A whole lot of twattle really.😜😜XxFreya

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'looking4quality' BL I agree totally. I used to love the forums. There used to be some great debates. Now I can't be bothered to comment on most of them because so many of them turn into a slinging match. It seems that if one so called "predominant" forum poster personally attacks someone then others just automatically follow. They used to be called the wolf pack. The problem is that they can't take it when the tables get turned on them. I read a great saying : If you want to stir the crap pot, be prepared to lick the spoon I know of previous posters who have stopped posting and some who have left RHP because of continuous bullying. It's not necessary. I would love to see more posts where a topic gets debated instead of people seeing it as an excuse to launch yet another personal attack. It iis just this reason ... where people 'play the man instead of playing the ball' the reason why people stop posting on the forums .. having been on the receiving end of the bullying and personal attacks .. I and others I know don't bother posting any more ..

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Criticising and Arguing

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