RHP

RHP User

M47

100% Committed....while offline!

June 30 2014

I was having this conversation with a friend today and thought it would be interesting to read the opinions put forward by the diverse range of personalities in the forums. Why do both men and women stay active on dating sites, sex sites, chat apps, sexting apps etc even though they've entered into a monogamous relationship and express their intention to be faithful? Not all do this, but in a day and age where everyone has their smart phone with them constantly its becoming a massive issue in society and all too common. What's your opinion....is it wrong to sit on the lounge while your parter is in bed and log in for a bit of fun? Quickly download your chat app for a bit of sexting and pic swapping before you go curl up with them. Me personally....I don't think it's the right thing to do if it's a mutual commitment to be monogamous. I don't mean couples that have an open relationship...just people that say "I love you babe..your the only one for me" Then 10mins later are logging in or sending a selfie. Is it a quick boost to a low self esteem? Is it the thrill of cheating without actually having sex with someone else? With social media, chat apps and online dating so much a part of our society these days I fear that 'trust' in relationships has become all to flexible. Very keen to hear some opinions.... - Posted from rhpmobile

Comments

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  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    12 years ago

    If I was in a committed, loving relationship, then there would be no need for me to be on here, except for the forums, (not sure if I'd leave a man in my bed to be on the forums though) which is pretty much all I'm here for anyway lol... People in open relationships then this would be ok.... I'd be happy for an honest, trusting, open to discussion relationship with someone that had and wanted similar kinks as me. I never really been one for sharing someone I love, with open communication and agreed by both parties I can't see a problem I playing together as a couple, but in saying that it's all about the 2 in the relationship being the main priority above anyone else...... It's when there deceit on one side, that the problems start....deceit is never a good thing, but it happens and that's just life I guess.....💋

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    You are in an open relationship... And you should be discussing it with your partner.. My opinion anyway! Xxviolet

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Just for the forums as well Lovinit28! 😝 Sadly Violetincredible the partner oblivious to the others activities doesn't know they are in an open relationship until the sneaky one gets caught out. I'm all for open relationships...with the right person this can be a great arrangement. But these people that are sneaky and lie to satisfy their addiction to admiration via apps and online really shit me!! Am I too old fashioned, or is this just the same as good ol fashioned cheating on the one you've supposedly committed to? - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Forus1234

    Forus1234

    12 years ago

    I (mrs forus), do have to agree with Violetincredible, (no secrets kept from my hubby), but putting that aside males are males (sorry guys), they are wired differently to women, some with higher sex drive than others, some may need this release, you probably find the vast majority of the population are also sneaking off to the toilet to log on to rhp to release their hornyness. (Some more than once a day). Some of the pics on rhp.....mmmm, can fuel it. Chances are, friends or relatives around you are doing this, you just don't know about. It's probably better than them sneaking off to be with a hooker or having a real life affair. Only since being on Rhp, & talking to others have I realised this. Prior to entering this lifestyle, I would have been horrified if I found my hubby having a wank to someone else's photos, so I guess, guys do it this way, cause they dont want to lose the wife! So, my opinion, save the pain, open up your relationship. Maybe, that is some guys fetish, being sneaky!, it takes all types to make the world go around!

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Yes I would call it "emotional fantasy cheating". If one is chatting/texting/web cam etc etc on line or to another, without the other knowing and they go to another room/ toilet whatever, discreetly... To me that is being disrespectful and deceitful to the person they're with. It is a form of planned deceit..I have learnt from being on here what signs etc to look out for. This form of "cheating" is my biggest fear. But if someone does that to me and not say anything - well they have to live with that guilt not me! After a while you bet your bottom dollar they won't do it for long before the guilt sets in..Then I bet they'll put the blame back onto the other, because they didn't give the attention/needs/wants met what they wanted. Excuses excuses excuses. It all goes back to good old fashion verbal face-to-face, open honest communication/talking - sadly people now a days do forget what that is..yes I agree, advancing technology has changed that. :( Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    This is a big one for me. I agree with you op. If you're on here you should let your partner know about it. Part of being committed is not chasing other people for a sexual thrill. Why do they do it?? Low self esteem IMO. They are people who need constant validation to feel like they're good enough. Also maybe they are a bit addicted to the thrill of whatever it is that they are doing. Anyhow, whatever it is, it means that I'm no longer interested in meeting anyone from this site...

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    I have questioned a few... Why you take your mobile with you to the toilet? To wipe your bum with??? LOL.. The excuses given.. Lmfao!! I've heard them all. *cracks me up* 😄😃😀 Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I think it is done because they can and often after being on sites, it can be a bit addictive. It is too easy to log in for a bit of titillation, having someone fluff your ego all the time in the hope of getting laid even if nothing eventuates. The social part of it can be hard to leave behind as Lovinit said. My sister was on a forum on another site and met a lot of good friends then she met someone offline and she was continuing to be social but not sexual on there and he cracked it and demanded she stop and couldn't understand why she would want to be on there. She was shitty at first that he didn't want her chatting with people off a dating site even though it wasn't sexual (he is a bit of a control freak) but she also understood his position and closed her account knowing she could still interact without the site itself.

  • Seachange73

    Seachange73

    12 years ago

    When I am in a relationship, a monogamous one, I do not veer too far from the path. I may look at some hot men but wont even enter my mind to sleep around, text someone or do the dirty of my partner. I have always been in a committed relationship it is just lately am unable to sustain a proper relationship due to work and family commitments. Just not happening for now hence am in RHP. I kinda like it as the men I meet are in the same boat. I love the feeling of being loved and loving in a one on one relationship. I am pretty uncomplicated. I see myself as a very loyal and caring person. i hate the idea of hurting somebody I love. I am not attracted to married and attached me and some have contacted me and continue to contact me. I have turned them down as it is disrespectful to their partner specially if she does not know about it. such baggage. but if he finds some other women whom the idea will sit ok on her, good on them and may they have a fucking good time. Just not me.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    What's the difference between continuing to contribute on the forums and watching a YouTube video on a subject of interest? - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    "With social media, chat apps and online dating so much a part of our society these days I fear that 'trust' in relationships has become all to flexible." I agree with this statement it is all an invitation to start cheating it may start of as a little fun but it wont end nice my ex started chatting to a guy on face book and ended up sleeping with him 20 years down the drain in my mind the way I look at it. you can never date more than one person at a time because you will never develop a strong meaningful relationship with that person if you are always thinking what if the other one is better

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    I second that! Well said... 👍👍👍 Foxy

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    I would give up my whole RHP lifestyle for someone whom I met or they were unknown that I was on here..my forum addiction would be replaced.. IF we were 100% committed and safe, there's no need too emotionally cheat... Is there? Lol I might even introduce them to the forums, and we could exchange each other's passwords?? Who knows ??? Foxy

  • Seachange73

    Seachange73

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' I would give up my whole RHP lifestyle for someone whom I met or they were unknown that I was on here..my forum addiction would be replaced.. IF we were 100% committed and safe, there's no need too emotionally cheat... Is there? Lol I might even introduce them to the forums, and we could exchange each other's passwords?? Who knows ??? Foxy In a beautiful one on one relation built on trust respect affection and kindness, there is no need for anything else. As you mentioned above, no room for emotional cheating as one can be happily ensconed in the thought of growing that relationship into something more fulfilling and beautiful for both. I have been in love before (just once but had many relationships) and it is the most satisfying feeling to give and receive unconditionally. That is what we aspired to, dont we?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Compartmentalize.....they don't consider their secret life of titillation and fantasy to be cheating....is it any different toflirting in the office or other workplaces?....is it harmless?....maybe,until pperhaps a line is crossed....but really can another really expect to own our thoughts and desires....it's never worked for me....but then I suffer from accute emotional claustrophobia:-) x Q

  • Seachange73

    Seachange73

    12 years ago

    Yes I would give up the RHP too if it meant destroying our relationship. I just have to meet a man who is willing to understand my situation and accept it for what it is in the knowledge that I am a loyal devoted woman who will give 100% of what I can give to them when I am committed to them, mind body and soul. And that I will not demand more than what they can give, just plain love, affection, and understanding. A friend, a good sounding board and a naughty bed partner. Unfortunately, it ain't happening...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Yes i would have too say that i SUFFER 100% ENVY when i meet couples that have been together for years and do not even go on sites like this. Never appart and when you look at them well i think too myself, thats what i want loyalty,honesty and to be faithfull to the other person. Well one day my dream will come true, as they say only good things come to those who wait. So thats what i will do but it doesnot hurt too look for her does it?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Foxxy, I didn't realise you had a RHP lifestyle? You are just talking about dating people aren't you? You are not talking about group sex and going to swingers clubs, etc. Something I am hoping not to give up myself.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I disagree that trust has become flexible. Sure, it is much easier to cheat now a days. In fact you can do it online while you are sitting next to your partner. To me, a cheater will always cheater regardless of how easy or hard it is, there has been no change to that even with the increased popularity of online hookups and dating sites. When I first joined RHP, and was very naive, I was burned by a married man doing this very thing. It was a quite awhile before he confessed to me that he was married, and I suddenly realised that he didn't actually have any intention of meeting me or any other woman. He just needed that rush and excitement of it all... the sexting, and exchanging pics. Then he would hope into bed with his lovely wife and have all the intimacy and sex he wanted. I personally wouldn't have a problem with a partner who wanted to be on sex sites or sex forums for the social interaction. For one, because I would be interested in what they were discussing anyway, and two if they are going to cheat they will regardless. I would hope to have a completely open relationship where they could tell me anything

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'lilyorchid' Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' I would give up my whole RHP lifestyle for someone whom I met or they were unknown that I was on here..my forum addiction would be replaced.. IF we were 100% committed and safe, there's no need too emotionally cheat... Is there? Lol I might even introduce them to the forums, and we could exchange each other's passwords?? Who knows ??? Foxy In a beautiful one on one relation built on trust respect affection and kindness, there is no need for anything else. As you mentioned above, no room for emotional cheating as one can be happily ensconed in the thought of growing that relationship into something more fulfilling and beautiful for both. I have been in love before (just once but had many relationships) and it is the most satisfying feeling to give and receive unconditionally. That is what we aspired to, dont we? But not all. However it is still largely viewed by most in our society as the only acceptable way to conduct a relationship; that we should all be able to find absolute emotional and physical fulfillment from the one person, all the time. This creates some very heavy expectations on people and I think it plays a large role in the number of people who cheat, whether that is online only as the OP is talking about, or to the extent of actually having sex with others. Some of these people would probably like to broach the idea of an open relationship or some variation of it with their partner, but they are afraid that even bringing it up will mean the end of the relationship. Because let's be honest, even though swinging and open relationships are becoming a bit more common, for the majority these things are still considered utterly taboo, and the idea that they may not be 'enough' for someone in any way is just too difficult to take. Just to clarify - I'm not advocating cheating or doing any of these things behind a partner's back; I know from experience how badly that can end up and the hurt it can cause. I think that if someone is at that point then yes they should either talk to their partner about it, or end the relationship if neither party is willing to compromise. What I am saying that the situations aren't always quite so black and white as we believe they are when we judge according to our own preferences and values.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Agree LD. I have this friend that always asks. What if you fall in love with the one, how are you going to give up all the swinging. And I always say " see now, your thinking is so limited. Why does it only have to be the 'one'. Why can't I have the two or three? " Besides I can't see myself falling for a muggle to be honest.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Besides, some people feel that flirting, sexting, exchanging pictures isn't cheating. Being monogamous is only that you will not have physical relationship with someone, the rest is okay.

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Having an Open Relationship with good honest open communication with each other is one thing - I'm not closed to that..it's the planned deceitfulness thing I am not that open too. If it makes me feel unwanted, disrespected or unsafe in that relationship then I don't want a relationship like that. I don't have a problem either with a partner who wants to be on forums, watch web cam etc etc or communicate with another...just tell me and be honest about it rather than not say anything - I would like to think I am be open-minded and want to bring out the best in someone I'm with, not the worst where they can't tell me or choose not to because they can't. Hope that makes sense? Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quote- To answer your question with a question.... What's the difference between continuing to contribute on the forums and watching a YouTube video on a subject of interest? You have a very valid point Sir_Stir....if i were only making reference to ones involvement in social forums. I am more concerned about sexual and emotional relationships that are formed online (or via sexting apps) and those same relationships are carried into a new monogamous relationship secretly without the clear knowledge of both partners. Being active on any social forum is not such a threat on its own...I agree. You could leave your computer logged on in the lounge for all to see if it were just the enjoyment of reading and commenting. But....if emotional and sexual relationships are formed with others on the forum and it steps up to secret, sneaky late night sexting and pic/video swapping then it's a whole new ball game. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    If you wouldn't do it with your partner present, don't do it at all. :-)

  • Seachange73

    Seachange73

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Having an Open Relationship with good honest open communication with each other is one thing - I'm not closed to that..it's the planned deceitfulness thing I am not that open too. If it makes me feel unwanted, disrespected or unsafe in that relationship then I don't want a relationship like that. I don't have a problem either with a partner who wants to be on forums, watch web cam etc etc or communicate with another...just tell me and be honest about it rather than not say anything - I would like to think I am be open-minded and want to bring out the best in someone I'm with, not the worst where they can't tell me or choose not to because they can't. Hope that makes sense? Foxy I'm with you here Chica. Maybe I am a bit, no a lot, more conservative than you freethinkers in RHP. But I am not judgemental. Just different. I, too, have no issues with Open relationships. But at this point in my life, not into it. Luckdragon, I acknowledge that monogamy is not for everyone and you are right. The context by which the OP has presented is when one is in a " mutual commitment to be monogamous" relationship. My response was in relation to it. IMO, I suppose where I am coming from is that if I am in a monogamous committed relationship and the person I am with would it see as not value adding to our relationship and if brings in a negative vibe into the relationship, then am happy to give up RHP (reluctantly the forum...) and focus on my man. I need to earn his trust and him I, and will not hesitate to go out of my way to build and strengthen our relationship, if that what it is. I have travelled and lived in the other side of the world to pursue love and it was worth it. I am old school that way and may not apply to everyone.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Foxy, I totally agree. I've offered an open relationship only to have that person 1. Do stuff behind my back and 2. Object to me seeing others. Like I said, it's the thrill, and the self esteem. Thing for cheaters.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    With just a few simple words you said it all! 👍 - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    People that will have used this site before will have friends and may wish to continue chatting and keep those . I guess it depends how far you go when you log on, certainly I know people that are serial flirters and need the attention so I would see it no different to flirting while on a night out. Providing you can leave it at the door and go no further then I don't think its all that bad - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Like anything we do enjoy or need necessity or luxury if we enjoy it or it intrigues us or it is rewarding for us or makes us feel good , we are going to keep doing it and in turn forming a habit good or bad and when a habit becomes a necessity it can form an addiction of sorts with different levels of the need ! So as Redhotpie has that effect and creates your addiction from your use of it for entertainment and or seeking life changes it is for some difficult to shake the habit ! And that is where for example the newly formed relationship will show its resiliance and commitment , personaly pending the outcome of a recent event in my pie , will determine my membership plus active status as if say i was to meet a woman and this woman wanted commitment ie relationship so to speak and the feeling was mutual my profile will be deleted and all aspects of internet dating will ceese to exist even just for the forums cut all ties . Simple if one hates it and another keeps persisting then may as well have a quick fuck now grab your stuff and both depart to save the dramas later , or the other way is stay on it and good luck with your search:-)) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    If your in a fully committed relationship then playing around behind your partners back is def a no no BUT if your both exploring a bit of fun and spice where communication is paramount and shared then why not.....while Mr Poly is the main contributor to the forums, Mrs Poly is exposed to all feedback, emails and offers her own opinions etc as its an "all in or nothing" approach ....don't get us wrong we are not seasoned swingers (still MFM virgins in that sense LOL) .....however we are having so much fun meeting and greeting some interesting men....and then theres the RHP get togethers LOL....but that's another awesome story LOL :)

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    12 years ago

    That's it....👍👍👍

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'MissBlissBomb' Foxy, I totally agree. I've offered an open relationship only to have that person 1. Do stuff behind my back and 2. Object to me seeing others. Like I said, it's the thrill, and the self esteem. Thing for cheaters. It totally sucks! But at the end of the day the best thing to do is say "Thank you" Yes I agree, it's the thrill of the chase..nothing more nothing less. It just makes me sad, not that we are suckers, cause what they do say is believable. Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    The feedback from this topic has been fantastic...Thankyou all for joining in 😀 I wish I was at home with a bottle of red and my laptop to be able to get involved more....being stuck in the middle of nowhere on a phone doesn't allow for the interaction your comments deserve. Apologies for my lack of involvement. I could quote a section from each of your comments and put my view/sympathy towards it but I'm not that swift on a smart phone. Lol Thanks again JWP xx (Back to the ol mate 'Golden Dick' in the other forum 😨) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I would definitely read involvement on dating sites as a lack of commitment. It's personal rather than something I would generalise but being involved with someone who was still online 'dating', swapping pics and chatting even just for 'fun' would come across as non-monogamous to me. Honesty about wants and needs is pretty important so it could be a little different if it was a shared activity ;) by mutual agreement and everyone got to be in on the act. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Mea. When I became involved with bofa I had only just paid 12 month memberships on two sites... I had no qualms shutting down the profiles, though we did set up a couples profile to educate me on the swamping that women cop in these places... I often sit down with vanilla fwb's and browse the forums and show them the forumites that I admire and desire... But secret profiles ? Zero interest from me, and I'd be very disappointed if a "partner" remained "live"... Forum viewing would not necessarily concern me... Hp xo💋 Because you're with it...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    What on earth is a bofa?....XQ

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'lilyorchid' Luckdragon, I acknowledge that monogamy is not for everyone and you are right. The context by which the OP has presented is when one is in a " mutual commitment to be monogamous" relationship. My response was in relation to it. My point was that some people likely commit to a monogamous relationship because they feel they have no other option; that is what they are 'supposed' to do, because it's what society and their family and friends expect.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Dear Lady Q, bofa is the woman who tore my heart out of my chest and kicked it to the gutter, leaving me wandering lost, lonely and aimless through sordid clubs on Friday nights... to the place where I was rescued by two angels who chanced by, picked me up and started the process of me believing in myself again... Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Calling your Woman you once loved a "bofa"...is well kinda not a nice thing to call anyone let alone a woman who at one stage loved you and you her...You do have special memories/times together don't you??? *just curious * Foxy

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Just curious...the conversation you had with your friend... Can I ask what was their opinion? Did they agree with you or disagree?? Foxy

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    If you are doing something that you would die in the arse if your partner found, then you are up to no good and that trust would be challenged. Guess it is whether that bothers one or not. Mado Tara xx

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Qefenta3' What on earth is a bofa?....XQ Breath Of Fresh Air? Big Old Fat Arse?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Breath Of Fresh Air... Big Old Fat Arse... Bank OF America... Bofa is the acronym of her username on a vanilla dating site... And it was very much a term of endearment... And I have many, many beautiful memories of our time together. Rightly or wrongly, every woman I meet and or talk to is weighed and measured against my memories of bofa... Her time in my life is that significant to me. Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it... - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Yes, she did agree with me....it wasn't a debate as such though. More discussing my personal experiences. I have a FIFO career that means I'm in a different state every second week....very difficult apparently to find a woman who can stay off chat apps used for sexting or internet sites while I'm away working to pay the bills. It's been a common aspect in my personal life sadly. The last relationship I was in was with a truly amazing woman...ticked every box and we'd known each other for 16 years. Sadly due to her extremely low self esteem and addiction to be desired she secretly continued her other 'relationships' and destroyed a beautiful little family. It wasn't physical....she wasn't having sex with others...only sexting etc with quite a few other men. Long story short.... I told the woman of my dreams to pack her bags because she was a liar and a sneak! It doesn't have to be physical to break your heart....and destroy families! Love is nothing without trust xx - Posted from rhpmobile

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Thank you for replying :) I understand..I think there would be many out there who have had or been in the same situation as yourself (FIFO).. It would be difficult and heart breaking. keep you chin up - there's someone for everyone- she just hasn't found you yet! 👍 Foxy

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Thank you for replying :) I understand..I think there would be many out there who have had or been in the same situation as yourself (FIFO).. It would be difficult and heart breaking. keep you chin up - there's someone for everyone- she just hasn't found you yet! 👍 Foxy

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Thank you for replying :) I understand..I think there would be many out there who have had or been in the same situation as yourself (FIFO).. It would be difficult and heart breaking. keep you chin up - there's someone for everyone- she just hasn't found you yet! 👍 Foxy

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    If she sat down and discussed with you, was open and honest, would you have seen the situation a little differently??? Planned deceitfulness is an undesirable trait in my eyes, however to me it takes a lot of inner courage sometimes for one to speak openly and come clean out of their own free will. I respect those who do. I'm more open minded with that. :) Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I did wonder what the hell you were doing with the scales and tape measure when we met....I hope the replacement cost wasn't too outrageous:-) :-) x Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    If I hear that crock of there is someone for everyone I will scream...there is very good evidence that this clearly is just not true....yes it is fantastic to be hopeful but some of us will despite our best efforts remain single or serially single...life is happening now in the present....pining for whotifs or ifonlys just gets in the way of our living in the now x Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Best you scream now scream loud i could very well be on the brink of just that . We recieve what we believe miss Q to scream is to lose hope to lose hope is to lose now . - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' If she sat down and discussed with you, was open and honest, would you have seen the situation a little differently??? Planned deceitfulness is an undesirable trait in my eyes, however to me it takes a lot of inner courage sometimes for one to speak openly and come clean out of their own free will. I respect those who do. I'm more open minded with that. :) Foxy Yes, Foxy...I would have helped her.I knew she had psychological issues and supported her through her tough times.She said her therapist knew what she was doing....just a shame she didn't ask for my help and played the sneaky card.The sneakiness and lies is far worse than the act.I'm very open minded and the relationship previous to my last was an 'open' relationship.lovely woman and we agreed she would see her girlfriend while I was away...I was not allowed to touch anyone and her freedom was limited to her girlfriend only.I was happy with this arrangement ....until I found out about the active sites AND the fact she was having threesomes with her GF and the GFs husband while I was at work! Foxy....After I have a year or two of being single and exploring my sexuality I wont be searching for the perfect woman.I'll be happy with a woman with many faults that equal my own.... but is honest! xx

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Whatever the agreed or perceived relationship is .... without honest communication it is doomed to failure. Someone will end up being hurt and humiliated. If you can't be upfront with your partner then avoid a relationship.. Stick to honest NSA.. Hah!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    You need to read my post,I said its fantastic to be hopeful,and kudos to you Big O if you have met the one.Clearly people do as clearly some people never do.And it shits me to tears to be patronised by people like you who say,you get what you believe,everything happens for a reason,tell that to a refugee,a starving child,it is just stupid privileged westerner bullshit to pat us down in complancy ...grumpy Q

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Thank you for such an open and honest answer.... xx Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    You took my words as insult ? But i hope that one day you will change your negative views into positives, and the so many men and women you have helped with your wise teachings and respected status you hold in and amongst the pie community , will now return that favour and help you miss Q as you may make love like a woman , but you will break like a little girl . Miss Q never be afraid to cry Tears clear your vision Tears set you free Tears bring you joy Tears give you strength Tears help you grow Remember the past It brought us to now Now determines your future . Sincerely from the depths of a Bigocean XX - Posted from rhpmobile

  • MissBishere

    MissBishere

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Meander' If you wouldn't do it with your partner present, don't do it at all. :-) yes totally agree.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Yes I would call it "emotional fantasy cheating". If one is chatting/texting/web cam etc etc on line or to another, without the other knowing and they go to another room/ toilet whatever, discreetly... To me that is being disrespectful and deceitful to the person they're with. It is a form of planned deceit..I have learnt from being on here what signs etc to look out for. This form of "cheating" is my biggest fear. But if someone does that to me and not say anything - well they have to live with that guilt not me! After a while you bet your bottom dollar they won't do it for long before the guilt sets in..Then I bet they'll put the blame back onto the other, because they didn't give the attention/needs/wants met what they wanted. Excuses excuses excuses. It all goes back to good old fashion verbal face-to-face, open honest communication/talking - sadly people now a days do forget what that is..yes I agree, advancing technology has changed that. :( Foxy Yes,advancing technology has changed that .......you're spot on.Sometimes I wish we could turn back the clock to simpler, friendlier times........

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I think there's a much deeper question. This post isn't about commitment or monogamy. The question I feel that should be asked is "why do people feel so pressured to conform to a mainstream stereotypical monogamous relationship??" My answer to that would be fear. To offer an example of this - however shaky this may be - is gay marriage. I acknowledge that a lot has been achieved in the last 5 years; but we still don't recognise it legally as yet. Fear. People fear that they may not be accepted. People fear that they will be socially outcast for acknowledging their own differences and being true to them. I could go on as I'm sure there are a vast array of issues that this question poses, but my brain hurts as it's 1:15am and have just pulled over for the night. I hope this sheds a little food for thought for you. :) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Totaly agree with what you said, some of us will remain on our own wether we like it or not. As long as i have air in my lungs im ok.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    So Nigel you have allready given in to the fact you will not meet that one and live the single life ?? Partly why ? Because thats what you seek single life and parties ! If you click with some one maybe but to agree with a statement that wreaks negativity mate ! When your opening line is about you being positive !! Bout time people stop pissing in pockets to save face dont you think ? !!! - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Have to say I totally agree with qefenta and Nigel. I think it's quite a positive and accepting statement. It's about accepting what life hands you with grace :) Xxviolet

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Yep it's about time people stopped pissing in pockets.... Much like it's about time people pulled their heads out of their arses to reality. :) Don't you think?? - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Thank you,you understand that my point of view is not about being negative,its about being realistic.Big O thank you for the compliment and. I wasn't insulted by your remarks,just patronized and feel that once again....I am in my own words a romantic realist,I don't need "'help",quite the opposite, I have a great life but I am not spending what little is left of it,pining over what has never been nor probably will be...and as Violet says,hopefully with grace.Now Big O a question for you,why does my POV affect you so badly,why is it such an inconvenient truth for you to accept that some ,of us will never find another to have a committed relationship with?...Is it perhaps your biggest fear...that this will never happen to you?....Be hopeful I day,but Aldo be a realist hugs x Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Was meant to be also..who the hellautocorrect is Aldo:-)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Just saying how it is that some of us lucky in love others are not. No matter what we do and i have never or will never mistreat any woman. I dont do the night club scene too old for that. I want what any other person wants respect,honesty,company without the betrail would be a bonus.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    And i am a positive person and perfection never lasts but a positive person can make any situation perfect , so thats what i try and do for me and every day i hear people carry on about all the shit around them without looking at all the positives miss Q and i found you quite patronising towards me so in that sense we may be very similar and your POV is contradict ive i think just have to look at the message back a row , it does not affect my life what you think or your opinion its just like to question things when i see a need to question and i was not referring to your now more so how you and others come about the reasoning for thinking it will not happen im not talking about the rest of the world or the majority or minority im talking about me im talking about you , so miss Q what makes you think you will remain single what makes you think miss Q you ?? - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Lurk... You might get a nasty pm... Bwhahaha !! Hp xo💋 Because you're worth it...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Like that'd be something other than normal!!!! :p - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I have been on dating sites for a year not long for some to long for others like every one have had the lows had the highs had the sideways the ups and the downs met a lot of people many good many bad , have tried to get my head around swinging and couples but personally my mind set how and who i grew up around how my brain is wired what i feel how i feel it is me and to be me is to want what i want and we are all different my point is i have been driven down the negative path led by negative people but shook it off and went back to the path i dream of the dream that most negative people will laugh at fucking fairytale wonderland well i say fuck yes give me a dream anyday and i will chase it and if i make the right choices in my life my dreams will come true and i dream realistically also but what is real to me is may not be real to you . But for all who doubt listen up because i am in love with a woman i dreamt of and opened my soul to bare with hers as she has opened hers and to first meet a woman who jumps into your arms when we embrace and spin around on the spot her legs around me holding tight amazed what is and what has just happened seriously its fucking a dream come true love pure as we are instant lovers we think of things and know what each thinks and feel a feeling that is surreal and if it ends next week next month next year i will be a better happy man for the love and experience and the reality of my dream coming true and lifting me up high along side a woman i can only describe as my queen my lover my life .so if you think im full of shit and dreams are fucked then fuck my life Bahahahahaha Fuck your life Bahahahahaha Get a fucking life Bahahahahaha - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    You got one mate only Because your worth it :-)) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Going back to the original subject of this thread... This exact scenario happened to me recently. I was in a committed relationship with a guy for almost 2 years and found out he was online here on RHP. Completely shocked was an understatement as we were open to discussing all things sexual and had a fantastic sex life together and in his own words he was "more than satisfied" with all aspects of our sex life.(btw.. i am a very horny girl and he was never short of play times, fucking, sucking, squirting..he got it all, and i've been told i'm quite attractive too as well as cheeky,sweet & sexy... & i know he was damn happy with me) The main point to upset me however was his lack of giving a damn that he was caught out and his attitude was to describe having his account as being "just the same as Facebook".. Ummm .. i don't think so... his account here was hidden from me and therefore NOT the same as Facebook. which of course he would openly look at in front of me.His account here states he was single, he lied about his age and was really putting himself "out there" to meets...all in secret behind my back yet he thinks that its acceptable to do .. Interestingly, several months prior i accidentally found out he had a RSVP account that he had looked at, but he gave the excuse that he only looked on occasion out of boredom but never chatted to anyone as he would not pay the membership. I believed him... yet here he is on RHP and paying a Platinum membership.. Not something i would have expected at all... so why i ask?? Was i not enough for him? Was he just living out his fantasies, his need to keep seeing who was out there and if anyone wanted him... to be honest i still don't know the answer... probably a mix of everything and maybe the belief that the grass was greener on the other side..? Did he just need to feed his massive ego? I believe that if you want to stay online and just come on to read the forums etc and if there is nothing "going on" then there would be NO reason to hide it and everything would be above board. ... Hell.. i rather enjoy the forums myself so would have been open to doing that as a couple, learning new sexual experiences and discussions... i love that kinda thing and he should have known that. If you are gonna keep a profile up & running when you are no longer single then be honest about it. Tell the partner and if she or he was not comfortable with it then be respectful and delete it.If i had been asked about this site in the beginning and if he wanted to stay on i would have been happy enough.. as long as i saw he was telling other ladies he was taken & changed his relationship status... and hell... its not as if there are no other couples on here... so really... i just don't get it...You don't need to be a member of RHP to come on the website to read forums either.. lying on his profile saying "single" when not is leading other girls on here and playing them too. Not nice.... and here i was thinking this site was refreshing as people are here for the common love of all things sexy... oh well... i was naive and too trusting of someone who is basically.. a player.. but he has charm so watch out girls.. a great fuck can be had if you want... but lies are what you'll get... i may have been hurt but i still believe people can be honest and as long as all parties involved keep true then lots of fun and sexy times can be had...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    ...some people never grow up.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Mr Rough here - Mrs Rough knows all about this site and our profile on here, even though she does not participate in the forums.Everyone uses these sites for different reasons.For us, it allows me to indulge in my kinky fantasies, in that we sometimes get on cam for a frisky session which appeals to us both.As mrs Rough is more vanilla than i am, this site also allows me to acknowledge that my kinks and fantasies are NORMAL haha(Especially when placed along some of you kinksters )

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Q is right, you are being very patronising. Just because you obviously need a significant other to feel fulfilled, doesn't mean everyone does. And pointing that out doesn't make them 'negative'. So you do what you need to do, but don't project your neediness onto everyone else.

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    *sighs* Exactly why meeting people here puts me off - the trust issues and reading others and their experiences. It's kinda scary in a way. I put a lot of it back to what the OP mentioned - Technology is too easy to cheat a loved one on. I'm sorry you were put through that. i can understand why a lot of people guard/close their hearts on here. To me, If I were with someone the last thing I want, is to be hurt or hurt them. Loving someone and being in love with them, to me means honoring them, respecting them, being proud with them, kindness...opening your heart and soul to them.........it's not suppose to hurt! But then again so many people do get hurt by betrayal. Foxy BigO - I liked your last post (not the one to HP the one prior)....I'm happy for you. I'm a dreamer too. :)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Bigocean72' Best you scream now scream loud i could very well be on the brink of just that . We recieve what we believe miss Q to scream is to lose hope to lose hope is to lose now . - Posted from rhpmobile Why? Because being part of a pair is the only way to be happy?? I am also a serial single, and doesn't bother me much to be honest. I had an uncle who never married or to anyone's knowledge had a partner. I believe some people will be a single all their life, just the way it is.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Fucken hell. Someone give BigO a full stop for god's sake.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    All you've really stated is that in order to feel content; you need to feel loved. Good on you for seeking it and stopping at nothing to get it. But not everyone NEEDS to feel love in that context. The sooner you accept that; the sooner you'll see the reality instead of seeing Uranus. :) - Posted from rhpmobile

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    That to me is how it is suppose to be....open and honest - no secrets, no lies even if one is kinker/vanilla than the other. Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    This is the personal message I just received from BigOcean "Your negative as well So go fuck your hole you cunts suck cocks bunch of toffee nos fucken slags "

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Are you alright man? Sounds like maybe you are having a bad day. That message to me seems totally unlike you so hope you are okay. Since you have blocked me I can't respond personally. Peace dude.... you know what I said wasn't even bad.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Big O that is unworthy of you....I don't understand why you seem to be deliberately misunderstanding what I and others are saying....you are once again confusing reality with negativity....and nobody has said its not possible to find the love of your life...I hope that this had indeed happened for you.....Q

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Based upon BigO's theory you visualised and wanted to be sent a message like that.... Otherwise it could be argued you had lost hope and lost the now .... :p - Posted from rhpmobile

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    Mado Tara xx But I know this much is true I wanna do bad things with you I wanna do real bad things with you And every shadow filled up with doubt I don't know who you think you are But before the night is through I wanna do bad things with you I'm the kind to sit up in his room Heart sick an' eyes filled up with blue I don't know what you've done to me But I know this much is true I wanna do bad things with you, okay When you came in the air went out And all those shadows there filled up with doubt I don't know who you think you are But before the night is through I wanna do bad things with you I wanna do real bad things with you I don't know what you've done to me When you came in the air went out

  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    When you came in the air went out.And every shadow filled up with doubt. I don't know who you think you are, But before the night is through, I wanna do bad things with you.I'm the kind to sit up in his room. Heart sick an' eyes filled up with blue. I don't know what you've done to me, But I know this much is true: I wanna do bad things with you.When you came in the air went out. And all those shadows there filled up with doubt. I don't know who you think you are, But before the night is through, I wanna do bad things with you. I wanna do real bad things with you. Ow, ooh.I don't know what you've done to me, But I know this much is true: I wanna do bad things with you. I wanna do real bad things with you.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'BigOcean?' "Your negative as well So go fuck your hole you cunts suck cocks bunch of toffee nos fucken slags " Ocean, could you be more pacific?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Meander' Ocean, could you be more pacific?I literally spat my drink out in laughter when I read this. Haven't been this wet and sticky in a while....

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Big Ocean....... Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Big Ocean....... Foxy Bermuda Triangle?

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    Maybe he's gone to one of the 7 seas???? The Pacific Ocean?, the Atlantic Ocean?, the Indian Ocean ? the Arctic Ocean ? the Mediterranean Sea ? the Caribbean Sea? or the Gulf of Mexico. Where ever you are BigO - have fun! *WAVES bye :( * Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'madotara69' Mado Tara xx But I know this much is true I wanna do bad things with you I wanna do real bad things with you And every shadow filled up with doubt I don't know who you think you are But before the night is through I wanna do bad things with you I'm the kind to sit up in his room Heart sick an' eyes filled up with blue I don't know what you've done to me But I know this much is true I wanna do bad things with you, okay When you came in the air went out And all those shadows there filled up with doubt I don't know who you think you are But before the night is through I wanna do bad things with you I wanna do real bad things with you I don't know what you've done to me When you came in the air went out I love that you are so in love.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' I would give up my whole RHP lifestyle for someone whom I met or they were unknown that I was on here..my forum addiction would be replaced.. IF we were 100% committed and safe, there's no need too emotionally cheat... Is there? Lol I might even introduce them to the forums, and we could exchange each other's passwords?? Who knows ??? Foxy Hi Foxxxy, Whilst I understand that all relationships require some aspect of compromise,wouldn't having to give up the "RHP Lifestyle" be an indicator that maybe they aren't the right person for you?Would it not be a better option to find someone that shares your love of the forums/lifestyle so that you can both enjoy it on a joint account? (I understand that some things are easier said than done).The best part about this site is that you can just be yourself; If you have to censor a part of who you are, would you truly be happy? I don't pretend to know who you are or your situation, and I certainly don't mean any offence; just some food for thought.....

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    You are right...I love the forums and I wouldn't want to give them up. However if I did meet someone maybe, just maybe I could introduce them here. Have a shared profile..yes I would do that. Who knows? The thing I do know is, I want to be my whole self with them, not just 1/2 or 3/4 of myself. Hope that makes sense? I don't ever want to loose myself with anyone, guess is what I am saying. Foxy

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    12 years ago

    I would want happiness for both of us, as a whole united open and honest front. *now where the heck is he* LOL! And no you haven't offended me at all. :) Foxy x

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Once a Man, like the sea I raged. Once a Woman, like the earth I gave..But there is in fact more earth than sea.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    That's the ideal isn't it? If you're in an honest committed relationship, you play together or at least don't hide it. My lover and I share a profile now after private profiles led to mistrust and a gradual erosion of trust. I read a quote the other day, 'you don't have to have sex to cheat. Once you start deleting texts, you're probably almost there!' I'm a big believer in standing in your own truth, be who you are, so what you love, but give the people closest to you the freedom to make informed choices.

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Red_Wolf' That's the ideal isn't it? If you're in an honest committed relationship, you play together or at least don't hide it. My lover and I share a profile now after private profiles led to mistrust and a gradual erosion of trust. I read a quote the other day, 'you don't have to have sex to cheat. Once you start deleting texts, you're probably almost there!' I'm a big believer in standing in your own truth, be who you are, so what you love, but give the people closest to you the freedom to make informed choices. I loooooooooooooove that!! WOW! You guys are role-models for others that have been in the same situation - Inspires me. :) Thank you for sharing. Foxy XX

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Red_Wolf' I read a quote the other day, 'you don't have to have sex to cheat. Once you start deleting texts, you're probably almost there!' I try to live by "If you wouldn't do it with your partner sitting next to you, you know it's wrong."

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