Merry Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas,

And all through the house

Everybody fely shitty,

Including the mouse.

Mum's at the Brothel,

And Dad's smoking grass,

I had just settled down

To a nice piece of arse.

When out on the lawn

I heard such a clatter,

I sprang for my piece

To see what's the matter.

Then out on the lawn,

I saw a big dick,

I knew in a moment,

That it must be Saint Nick!

He came down the chimney,

Like a bat out of hell

I knew in a moment,

That the fucker had fell!

He filled all our stockings,

With pretzels and beer,

Plus a big rubber dick,

For my brother, the queer!

He rose up the chimney,

With a thunderous fart

The son of a bitch,

Blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed,

As he rode out of sight,

Piss on you all

And havva hell of a night!