M53
why don't women like sex after kids
May 19 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
The reasons why I didn't want to in the exact order are:1) I was just to damn tired - not enough sleep, looking after the child, the husband, the house AND working full time left no energy2) Sex was nothing new or exciting - same old positions, same old timing, same old person doing the same old thing - it became a chore3) When the hubby tried to make sex exciting, he did what he thought was gonig to be exciting for me, but it was a man's idea of excitement, not a woman's. Whilst I appreciated the effort, it did nothing for me at all. Watching a porno is not my idea of getting excited lol.4) When the hubby tried to tell me I was sexy I didn't believe it because I knew I wasn't - refer to number 1 - who has time to be sexy when you are listening for the baby to wake up?So, IMHO (and this is just a generalisation), if your woman is a mother then you have to take away one or two things from my number one to make room for sex.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Kids are demanding little mongrels... so who's got the time? Really.... we should have had the option to tender it out to subcontractors... post a large sign down at Villawood.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Currently reading "The sex lives of australian women" and its seems the majority of women are just too tired. Some even said that the male helping out around the house would be like the most wonderful foreplay. Just saying to a woman "relax, dont worry about it (cleaning) etc" is not good enough. I know I couldnt relax until everything was clean and the house and baby were taken care of. So grab an apron and get cleaning.....................and maybe you will get some great sex.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xxticklishxx'So grab an apron and get cleaning.....................and maybe you will get some great sex. That's bullshit. For it to be great sex, she really wants it.... and doesn't dish pussy out as some kind of payment for services rendered.... even if a woman does feel horny because she now has the time for it because her man has cleaned the house... it still feels like patronising matriarchal bullshit.... and that's not my idea of what is great sex!hehe...HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
not to have any...and people think I am crazy... . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Having a baby is super tiring, especially when they have just started walking well running in my 9 month olds case lol. The endless washing the endless cleaning and especially the limited sleep. But i myself havent changed with the sex department apart from being a hell of a lot more adventurous and exploring more than what i did pre baby. I think it also depends on your partner. :-) i dont think i could ever be too tired for sex hehe
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RHP User
15 years ago
Why not be the one suggesting new things yourself? (your message only mentions the husband being the one trying something new) Women don't always have a great idea of what someone else finds sexy. I might find the stockings, lingerie and nicely done hair smoking hot, but also find sweating like a pig, racer back top equally hot - or more. You might not feel it, but that doesn't mean he is fibbing for a fuck :) Well said Stalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Tired my arse. When I'm really tired, quite often I also feel horny. Yeah but your special :) Anyway that is what most of the women surveyed said.And I think it really only relates to mums with babies and toodlers. Now I'm gonna go and have a lie down cause I'm soooooooooooooooo tired :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
It is not so bad these days as it is widely recognised that many men can and do spend as much time with thier offspring as they can and this is a big help. A lot of women will never be happy with the way her man does the housework and therefore will work until midnight to get the house right. Getting up at six to do it all again does not allow for much time to get all horny. A lot of women do not feel as attractive as they once did and it is a bit off putting with the baby in the next room while you are tensing up every second waiting for the baby to begin crying. Great sex is often uninhibited and having a house full of blessed little rugrats means a little more quietly. You constantly have the smell of regurgitated milk stuck in your nostrils and that is a small that even the most determined of perfums just will not dispel. So, the reasonig is that how can you possibly look or act or be remotely sexy with that smell to start with? You can tell her until she is blue in the face that you do find her attractive and sexy and that you do want her. She will not believe you as you are meant to say that. She is your wife / partner and she got that way having your babies so you better feel that way! Some of it can be hormonal and some of it can be a mental block as well. They are now "a mummy" and mummies dont do that! Try booking the grandparents for a surprise romantic weekend (or even a night) away. I nice long bath, bottle of champagne, scented massage oil and her libido will soon pick up. Parents need to make "thier time"
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RHP User
15 years ago
It is not so bad these days as it is widely recognised that many men can and do spend as much time with thier offspring as they can and this is a big help. A lot of women will never be happy with the way her man does the housework and therefore will work until midnight to get the house right. Getting up at six to do it all again does not allow for much time to get all horny. A lot of women do not feel as attractive as they once did and it is a bit off putting with the baby in the next room while you are tensing up every second waiting for the baby to begin crying. Great sex is often uninhibited and having a house full of blessed little rugrats means a little more quietly. You constantly have the smell of regurgitated milk stuck in your nostrils and that is a small that even the most determined of perfums just will not dispel. So, the reasonig is that how can you possibly look or act or be remotely sexy with that smell to start with? You can tell her until she is blue in the face that you do find her attractive and sexy and that you do want her. She will not believe you as you are meant to say that. She is your wife / partner and she got that way having your babies so you better feel that way! Some of it can be hormonal and some of it can be a mental block as well. They are now "a mummy" and mummies dont do that! Try booking the grandparents for a surprise romantic weekend (or even a night) away. I nice long bath, bottle of champagne, scented massage oil and her libido will soon pick up. Parents need to make "thier time"
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N4November
15 years ago
Quoting 'wantitnow9191' Having a baby is super tiring, especially when they have just started walking well running in my 9 month olds case lol. The endless washing the endless cleaning and especially the limited sleep. But i myself havent changed with the sex department apart from being a hell of a lot more adventurous and exploring more than what i did pre baby. I think it also depends on your partner. :-) i dont think i could ever be too tired for sex hehe What a classic and I think the real answer lies here!!! I had my first baby at 29 and my second at 33 and if I could do it all over again - I'd have had them young when you have youth and energy on your side!!! Best for baby and your sex life!! God knows how all these women are having their first after 40?!!! I'm exhausted thinking about it and I'm not there quite yet!.But perhaps more importantly, if I had had my kids from 20, they should have left or be leaving the nest by now, so by definition, I COULD call myself a real-life cougar ;)
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RHP User
15 years ago
I've had 3 kids, one in my youth and 2 when i was a lot older and I never went off sex!!!So I don't think that you can lump all women into the same category
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RHP User
15 years ago
YExactly right!! And a lot of people look down on us young mums, it doesnt matter how old you are its the love and care you give to your child. There are a lot of people young and old that shouldnt have kids. Anywho, who could live without sex seriously! I wish it was apart of my everyday routine again lol. I think the whole tired thing is crap. You spend all day with your kids chasing them doing everything. You need time for your partner too. Even if it is a quicky before bed or even just an intimate cuddle it all counts. But if you get into bed and roll over you have to think are you really in love with your partner anymore. Bring on lots and lots of sex i say!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'LibrarianGirl'The reasons why I didn't want to in the exact order are:1) I was just to damn tired - not enough sleep, looking after the child, the husband, the house AND working full time left no energy2) Sex was nothing new or exciting - same old positions, same old timing, same old person doing the same old thing - it became a chore3) When the hubby tried to make sex exciting, he did what he thought was gonig to be exciting for me, but it was a man's idea of excitement, not a woman's. Whilst I appreciated the effort, it did nothing for me at all. Watching a porno is not my idea of getting excited lol.4) When the hubby tried to tell me I was sexy I didn't believe it because I knew I wasn't - refer to number 1 - who has time to be sexy when you are listening for the baby to wake up?So, IMHO (and this is just a generalisation), if your woman is a mother then you have to take away one or two things from my number one to make room for sex. LibrarianGirl hit it on the head... Although, I have 2 children - the first to a previous relationship - and IMO, the situation you're in makes ALLLLL the difference. First child, I was completely happy to NEVER have sex again. EVER. I felt ALL of the above things plus more. My lovely hubby and I have a child together - and I could have sex all day long with him. Nothing could change that... The only thing that stops us is the children needing our attention. Perhaps you need to make the effort to talk to your wife, and find out whats going on... although, I'm fairly sure that the posts here would explain alot for you.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Should it be "Why women don't fuck lazy bastards after kids"???xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
Women who use sex as a tool to get their man to do stuff for them end up hanging out with stupid men. Any man with half a brain, will recognise her manipulative crap and get a shag from elsewhere else. It's not about cleaning the house. That crappy line sells magazines to women who aren't thinking for themselves. Hire yourself a damn cleaner if domestic chores stress you all out so much that you can't enjoy a bit of slap and tickle. I mean to say... a cleaner costs a damn sight less than a prostitute... and that's where he'll be spending your money if you velcro your legs shut so you can "control" your dude. Women are gifted with brains, but it seems to me, when they see their mummy and daddy playing house not many of them use their brain to break the matriarchal cycle of man goes out to work and women rule the home. No wonder women complain about the glass ceiling in the workplace if this spiteful manipulative behaviour is how women operate behind closed doors. heheHugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
LOL Sarah snap !!!!! . There was only a few months when getting the night feeding down pat that I didn't want sex. I just couldn't get through the day without wanting to kill someone if I didnt have a couple of months off at least. 3 kids all after 30 and I'm still gagging for it This morning after I kicked them all out the door to school, my first thought was, jesus crikey I'd love a good hard fuck right now so I sent someone a message to let them know I was thinking of them hehe But then I had banking and car insurance to deal with and the moment went away into that little place called the drudgery of the real world and my whole "Fuck the dishes, Im having sex" attitude slipped by the wayside. . So another answer to your question could very well be related to the fact that we can get all suddenly hit with extra responsibilities with a child and the worry of doing it all right. The sex comes back when it all settles down though
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RHP User
15 years ago
This is a great question and reading the posts is fascinating. Personally, I think there are too many factors to consider to give a concrete answer.I've spent a lot of time chatting with (non-swinging) girlfriends about sex and 'married sex' and I'd say that at least 98% of them see sex as a chore. Their reasons are many and seem to vary depending on the other factors in their life. There seems to be a habitual aspect also and with sex, the more and better quality you have - the more you want (though the reverse don't work lol!). When a couple have their first child, there is a lot to adjust to and not just the lack of sleep. The changes to a woman's body can shake her confidence (it did mine for sure) and unless you are super-lucky, things generally don't go back to the same pre-pregnancy state. If you liken your sexual being to the woman you were pre-baby, that can be hard to reconcile.On top of that, hormones can play a massive part too...but that's not to use them as an excuse.It seems to me from my many conversations though, that the biggest reason for the drop is sex drive is 'domesticity'...they all feel that they automatically pick up the slack for all things 'house and baby' and while the partner may help out as asked, he will rarely spontaneously say 'oooh, that loo needs a bit of a clean, I'll just do now before we sit down' or 'the floor could do with a quick mop, I'll do it now while I'm up'. So all the little things to do with running a house, raising a child, getting up in the night etc, tends to rest in the female head...with all that going on, there's little room for much else, especially is she works as well.Consider that sexual arousal for women is mostly in our emotional/thinking rather than visual like men (that's not to say that a beautiful cock can't make us wet on sight). So freeing up the mind for sexual arousal can help enormously.I must say, my hubby was very hands on (and still is) with our kids and apart from lactating (though that would have been fab!), he took on the lions share of the other domestic stuff to allow me time to relax and put my 'jak' hat on after spending all day with my 'mother and domestic goddess' hat on lol. He recognised that the last thing that would make me feel sexy was him saying 'I need/want sex'...which would have felt like just one more demand on my time and body.Rather, he would take time to rub my shoulders and feet, bring me tea, kiss and caress me without expectation of it leading to more. It meant that I still had my own identity and that makes a world of difference. He never made demands on me and gave me space to respond to my own libido. Our kids are still little and full on, but we share...equally. I think it makes a difference. !Just my thoughtsJ
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Women who use sex as a tool to get their man to do stuff for them end up hanging out with stupid men. Any man with half a brain, will recognise her manipulative crap and get a shag from elsewhere else. I think it's more about feeling like you're a worthwhile contributor to the household, especially if you gave up work to be at home with the baby. If you're feeling like what you do at home isn't considered by the partner who went out to 'real' work as particularly important, you might feel less important yourself, and having a big no-sexing hissy-fit might be the only way to get some attention focussed on you the person not you the provider of meals, clean towels and blowjobs, and get yourself back to feeling 'valued' in the relationship. It's a shitty unhealthy cycle for all involved, I'm certainly not promoting it as an idea, just trying to explain. People do crazy things when they're forced to endure hours of the Wiggles every day. Bad, crazy things!xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'InAdditionTo' just one more demand on my time and body. This sentence struck a chord. Kids ARE demanding little suckers. It is a constant barrage of "I want, can I have, will you get/do/go" Sometimes it is 24/7 . A mother cannot even escape to the toilet in peace and when the kids are little, the toilet door often has to stay open so there is not even that escape. You finally get into bed, heave a big sigh of releif and there comes that hand...search...looking for...ASKING FOR ONE MORE BLOODY THING BEFORE YOU CAN GO TO SLEEP. Naturally your first thought is NOoooooo! I had Focus as a mere babe and her brother followed 13 months later. It did not diminish my desire for sex. Yes, the young mummies have it over the older ones in the repect of sheer energy to survive on very little sleep. I had no more until I was approaching forty. Older has much more maturity to deal with things, the parenting style is way more rlaxed as you know it reallt does not matter. But boy, those broken sleeps sure create havoc. Stalky you are so correct. A prostitute does cost less than a cleaner and there are times when the prostitute would be preferable.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Hire yourself a damn cleaner if domestic chores stress you all out so much that you can't enjoy a bit of slap and tickle. I mean to say... a cleaner costs a damn sight less than a prostitute... and that's where he'll be spending your money if you velcro your legs shut so you can "control" your dude. heheHugsStalky.You know Stalky just because you write hehehe on the end of your comments doesn't mean that we automatically think that you are joking. Not trolling for a response are you? I mean what's your problem? Does your wife give you a list of chores to do? You know, when you complete an item you come back and mark it of your list. hehehe :D. Although I do love your velcro line above. You really must come to my next married girly friends lunch and talk some sense into them. How do you tell someone that their husband is not happy with a bonk twice a year? Especially as he looks so calm and relaxed and smiling all the time. Is she blind? xx Meeks
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RHP User
15 years ago
Actually I am going to have to disagree with you Stalkers. I think the women's magazines have it right. It works for my friend and her husband, he is the calmest, happiest looking guy you could meet. She gives him lots of chores to do, in fact she always seems to be bossing him around and he gets sex on his birthday and Christmas. And he is satisfied with that... you can see it on his face. He is happy. Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Of course we like sex after we have kids. How the bloody hell do you think we end up with more than one child? Emmaculate conception?
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RHP User
15 years ago
That's my wicked version of hehe.... as in.. the mad cackle hehehe best applied while stirring a caldron of giblets... thus... the interpretation of the hehe all depends on the placement and context! Mind you, I've said it like it's a bit of bait.... but there's a sting in the tail, given that it's made from the observation of real life situations.... a lesson for women in what not to do, from a guy who has met too many married men in salubrious locations for it to be co-incidental.Gaz Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'stalky' .You know Stalky just because you write hehehe on the end of your comments doesn't mean that we automatically think that you are joking. N
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Actually I am going to have to disagree with you Stalkers. I think the women's magazines have it right. It works for my friend and her husband, he is the calmest, happiest looking guy you could meet. She gives him lots of chores to do, in fact she always seems to be bossing him around and he gets sex on his birthday and Christmas. And he is satisfied with that... you can see it on his face. He is happy. Meeka I know! Of course they're smiling! In reality probably thinking about what they did in their lunch break. :pHugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Stress is the number one libido killer for women. It's stressful looking after kids, house, work etc. And you can tell your lady she still looks sexy one thousand times and she wont believe you because she doesn't feel sexy. Here's a tip. Start by getting a babysitter, add something romantic but silly ( cook dinner naked, order home delivery, box of chocolates), include some massage oil and a warm room, tell her you think she is still gorgeous, add some gentle foreplay - and if you haven' t both fallen asleep in front of the TV you might get lucky.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Actually I am going to have to disagree with you Stalkers. I think the women's magazines have it right. It works for my friend and her husband, he is the calmest, happiest looking guy you could meet. She gives him lots of chores to do, in fact she always seems to be bossing him around and he gets sex on his birthday and Christmas. And he is satisfied with that... you can see it on his face. He is happy. Meeka Thats because he's probably gone elsewhere to get it
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RHP User
15 years ago
Exactly CaptJackSparrow !!! Although she told me he simply wouldn't have the time between work, kids, house chores, etc etc. I mean all those late nights and annual conferences that seem to happen more than once a year. Oh well she won't listen to me. I tried batting for the boys. xxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
By the way CapJackSparrow, do you look anything like Johnny Depp ? M
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RHP User
15 years ago
Just another job left to an already exhausted woman hey Stalky. Cos after all she's just being manipulative anyway, saying she's too tired for sex. It seems to me that men still want everything, a home a family and a good little woman to raise their children, be their cleaner and their sex goddess. FFS having a baby is a PHYSICAL ACT and it can be bloody intensive. Labor can go on for hours and if their is a ceasarian section at the end of it, the woman is dealing with the emotional and physical impact of that. Then there is a possibility of post-natal depression. So guys, if your partner is saying she is tired, hire a cleaner yourselves, and yes, line up the grandparents for some time out. Taker her to lunch, take her to a movie and don't always make the time together about sex! Make it about you as a couple. And stalky, I didn't think you were joking at all. He fucking heheReally fucking wild
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'WildPaganGypsy' So guys, if your partner is saying she is tired, hire a cleaner yourselves...... bla bla bla.... For a woman, you don't know women very well do you... or maybe you're just a sick bitch trying to get us blokes into a whole new world of pain. So a husband should go out and hire a cleaner... without permission??? OMFG that's in fucking sane. No experienced married man would be so stupid as to walk into that slamming door. That's a rookie's mistake!No dear. If I can pack the dishwasher all wrong.... what chance have I got if I have the audacity to pay someone to do it all wrong. Nope. If I pack the dishwasher all wrong... you pack it yourself.... for the rest of your life... or pay some other poor bastard to do it. Just imagine if I selected that cleaner.... it would be just one more antagonising and irrelevant issue for you to raise the first time we an argument. You'll store it all up... waiting... waiting... waiting.... and them BLAM.... like a dog eating custard.... HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
If you hire a woman cleaner, she's going to get it right! So you can continue to be an incompetent but less harassed male! And I don't recall calling you names to make my point! "sick bitch" . . . . sick enough to believe that it is possible for women and men to have relationships in which they can work out their crap if they practice compassion and non-blaming. Hugs Wild
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RHP User
15 years ago
Umm.. I don't thin I called you a sick bitch, as such, wild. if you got that impression, I'm sorry. As for hiring a woman cleaner... well..... do I get all me mats around for the auditions or whatever the hell you call it? Yes.... a feather duster bearing, proverbial whoring french maid. Perfect. I'm glad you're dishing out the marriage counselling. The wife's of RHP can address all complaints to you! hehe.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
This is about as fraught a discussion as you could find to get involved in, buuuuuuut..... could it actually be that for SOME women the hormonal disruption of pregnancy and birth giving etc just alter their hormones or metabolic balance or whatever and it just drops their libido? One of my best friends is in exactly this situation (birthday and christmas fux if he's a good boy... and it's driving him slowly nuts), but the minute he suggests that maybe, just maybe, she's just doesn't have the same desire for sex as she used to, the crockery starts flying... My theory is sexuality is such a currency of personal worth these days that to dare suggest, with all the respect possible, that someone (M or F) is somehow lacking on the libido front is just way too confronting and their natural response is denial and to put the blame on outside elements... and if those elements include the person confronting them, well, who can resist the symmetry of that argument?In my friends case, I'd be the first to concede that she does the majority of the domestic duties re kids and cooking, but I also know he busts his arse, works long hours and eats a ton of shit to put food on the table (single income family).I know when Stephen Fry or Bettina Arndt made a similar observations about the libido of women generally, they were both pretty comprehensively publicly disembowelled. I don't know if they had a good point or not, but jeez, apparently the idea that all libido's are not created equally was not something that can even be discussed without bringing down a feminist fatwah. I don't think anyone is suggesting that women will want to do fuck every which way in the maternity ward, or even all that much for the first year or so, but when it's been 4-5 years...OK just forestalling the obvious, the subject here is a friend, not me. For the record I'm a single dad, have 2 kids, neither planned nor with someone who was a 'partner' and I've midnight fed, changed nappies, cleaned up sick, worked a job and put my life on hold for my kids 'without any help' as much as anyone. Oh, and I've been there at delivery, and I'll give you women that... how you go through that is... well, that aspect leaves me speechless only because I don't have words to do it justice.I'm not sure if this will come across without sounding like a troll or not, pretty sure it will but it's not intended to be.PSCorrrection to Stalky: women don't use sex to manipulate men, they use the promise of sex... now that's intended to be a troll!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'WildPaganGypsy' So guys, if your partner is saying she is tired, hire a cleaner yourselves...... bla bla bla.... For a woman, you don't know women very well do you... or maybe you're just a sick bitch trying to get us blokes into a whole new world of pain. So a husband should go out and hire a cleaner... without permission??? OMFG that's in fucking sane. No experienced married man would be so stupid as to walk into that slamming door. That's a rookie's mistake!No dear. If I can pack the dishwasher all wrong.... what chance have I got if I have the audacity to pay someone to do it all wrong. Nope. If I pack the dishwasher all wrong... you pack it yourself.... for the rest of your life... or pay some other poor bastard to do it. Just imagine if I selected that cleaner.... it would be just one more antagonising and irrelevant issue for you to raise the first time we an argument. You'll store it all up... waiting... waiting... waiting.... and them BLAM.... like a dog eating custard.... HugsStalkyHa ha ha ha PMSL. Obviously a married man! Never a truer word was typed.
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RHP User
15 years ago
so the guys get all itchy n scratchy because they dont get their jollies if and when they demand? how a bout worrying about your partners needs guys, put her first for a change and stop acting like spoiled little boys........she takes care of the kids about 96% of the time, but i reckon she also ......does all your washing, does all the housework, does the shopping, the cooking and the entertaining of anyone who visits..... so you can be free to suck back some stubbies, watch the footy, the golf, the v8's and beach volley ball? maybe she gets it easy when you go fishing, or to the pub with your buddies, or to the 'dogs to throw some money at some pooches? be a man, step up and take some responsibility... you did it to her after all, you made her pregnant....so maybe you should look after her for a change rather than be just 'one' of the 'children' she cares for........dont be one of the 98% of all men who are so full of their own selfishness they cant see what their lady needs.....a man.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' so the guys get all itchy n scratchy because they dont get their jollies if and when they demand? how a bout worrying about your partners needs guys, put her first for a change and stop acting like spoiled little boys........she takes care of the kids about 96% of the time, but i reckon she also ......does all your washing, does all the housework, does the shopping, the cooking and the entertaining of anyone who visits..... so you can be free to suck back some stubbies, watch the footy, the golf, the v8's and beach volley ball? maybe she gets it easy when you go fishing, or to the pub with your buddies, or to the 'dogs to throw some money at some pooches? be a man, step up and take some responsibility... you did it to her after all, you made her pregnant....so maybe you should look after her for a change rather than be just 'one' of the 'children' she cares for........dont be one of the 98% of all men who are so full of their own selfishness they cant see what their lady needs.....a man. I love it . . . . its full of truth!
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RHP User
15 years ago
i had a baby 14 months ago my sex drive has come down a bit but i still love sex just gotta get me in the mood
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