F69

jokes of the day ..

September 25 2011

THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER! Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Dear Ex-Husband, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping-too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. Hope that’s not a problem!!!!!!!!

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RHP User

14 years ago

A) Money can't buy love.B) He's banging her sister.C) The other red meat. Don't knock it until you try it.I mean.. there's no contest. :)HugsStalky

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RHP User

14 years ago

SING WITH ME GIRLS!!! l♫ At first I was afraid , I was petrified! when you said you had 10 inches, lord I almost died! But I'd spent so many nights just waiting for a man that long, that I grew strong and knew that I could take you on... But there you are ,another lie, I was ready for a Big mac and you brought me a french fry! I should have known that it was bullshit , a sad pathetic dream! should have known there was no anaconda lurking in your jeans! Go on now - go - walk out the door... dont you promise me 10 inches and then turn up with 4 .. weren't you a dawg to think I wouldn't find you out... don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count? I will survive as long as I... as long as I have batteries, my sex life's going to thrive! I will always have good sex with a handful of latex I will survive I will survive... HEY HEY!

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RHP User

14 years ago

WIFE:What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE: - silence - - HUSBAND: F * ck ....

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RHP User

14 years ago

The Penis Poem! My nookie days are over,my pilot light is out,what used to be my sex appeal is now my water spout! Time was when,on its own, from my trousers it would spring.But now its just a full time job to find the bloody thing! it used to be embarrassing the way it would behave, for every single morning it would stand and watch me shave! now as old age approaches it sure gives me the blues, to see it hang its little head and watch me tie my shoes

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