F24
i never had orgasm
November 22 2023
Signed up for this application to see everyone here is so lucky to enjoy sex. Or maybe I'm asexual? I never had sex needs or desires in life, people date to get intimacy but it's never the case for me. Hence I always try to present myself in an overly sexy way to prove I'm still relevant and I'm still fitting in a world of desires. Any thoughts or advice?
Comments
Swede712
5 months ago
Sorry to hear that, is it solely an issue during sex or both sex and masturbation?
It could be asexuality seeing as you say you’ve never has desire or sexual needs.
Maybe change the goal of a relationship from intimacy to companionship it might feel more fulfilling.RHP User
5 months ago
Loads of people haven’t experienced orgasm at varying ages.
It’s your responsibility to learn how to orgasm yourself. Then you can teach others how to make you cum. If they want to.
Sex isn’t really about the orgasm. It’s a consequence of knowledge, vulnerability and trust.
Kt_Kcouple
5 months ago
I would say there are many women in your situation who in their 20s have not yet experienced orgasm, especially in partnered sex. The question of whether you’re asexual is a bit separate. The first issue is one to first explore on your own with masturbation-you need to know what pleases you before you can communicate that with anyone else. Check out omg yes (series of educational videos about how to self please the vulva/clit) sex with Emily podcast. There was a really good podcast recently on ‘we can do hard things’ about asexuality https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/we-can-do-hard-things/id1564530722?i=1000631558185
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you!! X
FeistyFatty
5 months ago
Have you never made yourself orgasm? Through masturbation? If you have "no desires" or arousal, I'd seek medical advice..... Examination and check your hormone levels maybe.
MrandMrsEss
5 months ago
My Asian partner had never had an orgasm either till she met me at 29. This is because of her upbringing that she never tried to even touch it.
I’d suggest trying to relax about it and spend more time just exploring yourself without stressing about achieving any specific goal.
Happy to chat about it more if you want.RHP User
5 months ago
That isn't uncommon with young women Taylor in fact not that uncommon in women of all ages. As you are young and speak of dating several men have you ever been with a man where your minds connect on the same level as sexually. As that may be a problem. Or have any of the men you have been with gone that extra mile to to pleasure you only and not just dive in to penetration. Spend enough time pleasuring yourself to find those toe curling parts of your body and give your next lover some guidance. All the best finding that pleasurable experience :)
Naughty1
5 months ago
Let’s meet up anytime when you’re free
Purefun01
5 months ago
It will pass and you will find a way. Try not to over think it and let go!
Wishing you some happy times ahead……
Johnny. X
Camden_guy
5 months ago
Have you had the guys only concentrate on pleasuring you and making you cum instead of just worrying about making themselves cum?
Does being with a guy turn you on or are you having to play with yourself to get turned onRHP User
5 months ago
Maybe you should try a woman rather than a man. Maybe the problem is not you, but how you might react around men?
madotara69
5 months ago
Maybe two guys mfm, strictly all bars held and no holes barred.
You’re lucky to have strict parents as they honour the responsibility as parents do the choices they find themselves making for you all the ways through childhood, teens and too the age of consent,
Lucky because you have reached the age of consent and now making your choices including mistakes along the way, surely the strict parenting gives the best chances the worst of mistakes you could make you won’t make and hurt, no parents want their kids to hurt too much, and not so easy to let their kids grow up and hurting when adults.
So when you make your choices, understand your parents fears of you being hurt beyond what you are prepared to chance, accepting you will make mistakes, some will hurt some and some in other ways to reckon too and learn and experience.
But don’t accept anyone telling you what or who supposed to or to tell you. Maybe no one has asked you in a way you would take chance maybe many chances and their will be less chances maybe none as to yet all the right buttons get pressed, something you can look forward to enjoying.
Mado
Mado Tara xxRHP User
5 months ago
I shall visit you soon
Havinaball3
5 months ago
Find someone that focuses on you not them , oral,toys fingerbang,do this a few times before the next step (sex) hopefully this works, I think if you feel at ease with no pressure to have sex straight up will help lots
EarthQueen
5 months ago
I don't think there's anything wrong with you especially if you can cum alone. We get bombarded with bullshit about sex everywhere, but that's not everyones reality. In reality people fake orgasms, feel anxious about sex, performance and pleasing others, have worries and fears. It's ok. Don't push yourself to have sex with others or to try to make yourself feel relevant or act sexy if that's not you. If you don't feel desire when you are pushing yourself to have these sexual encounters it seems perfectly natural that you wouldn't have an orgasm. Take the pressure off yourself and just let you be you. You could talk to a woman sex therapist or psychologist to get some more advice. Maybe look for podcast about women and desire to learn more. Esther Perel is good. We aren't machines, many women need lots of things in place and emotional safety to feel desire
Inflation
5 months ago
I think the trick is to date people who you can be yourself. And not having to walk on eggshells or always on edge around.
When your alone, your likely alot more comfortable and in the zone vs being with someone when your not.
HornyFiFo
5 months ago
As a man it's too easy to take a sexist or dominant respose to this issue you have. I have on many occasions failed to get a lady to climax, I find it dissapointing and feel I have failed somehow. take the good advice on offer here, there are many good professionals who can help. I have used them and it is their job to build confidence and understanding, it works.
nightingale8
5 months ago
One of the positives about being in my (late) 30s is that there has been far less emphasis on physical looks and far more on getting on with living. Might have something to do with friends starting families, having careers, mortgages/debt, getting wrinkles, greys and pot bellies, getting married, getting divorced, having midlife crises etc but in my circles the emphasis is more on what people do and how they live. My advice is just get on with doing things that are important to you and make you feel good about yourself while doing it (not just because you achieved a certain outcome). Much good will follow for that. Dressing and maybe acting overly sexy to play a role you think others expect of you sounds like the process would be a super turn off. Not your fault, not their fault, just the mindset that the the world *only* values sexual desires and desirability. Too much pressure and not being myself would kill my orgasms too! I like to think the world is so much richer and with so many experiences I will never have, at least I can have some that I choose and enjoy. Explore, explore, explore what ignites your interests, passions and senses. The connecting energy you give out will come to you
sydney_tradie
5 months ago
Have you tried doing a mfm ?
Sawadee
5 months ago
Maybe you are asexual ? Nothing wrong with that .
In fact its a very real condition that effects both women and men ..,, Of course this might explain why you feel the way you do. But lm no expert and can't offer any solid advice , but understanding might be a good start.. If you can achieve orgasm with mastrubation its obvious your capable...
l think maybe your family upbringing might have had some effect on condition.. Probably worthwhile exploring.. ? Good luck with whatever you choose to do...
Margo_Lover
5 months ago
I read in a swinger survey of over 2,000 responts that a great many women, even in this sex positive space, have difficulty achieving orgasm.
The statistics showed almost 25% of swinger women rarely or never had an orgasm with anyone but their primary partner.
I'm going to read between the lines here, and figure comfort is a significant factor of this outcome. Ie they're only comfortable with their primary partner, and therefore able to let themselves relax, and orgasm.
Which leads to my question for you. Have you had a primary partner who was very good at unselfish pleasure for others, with whom you could be completely & totally relaxed?
- Alex
ItsAllAboutYou
5 months ago
My previous partner could only orgasm with me going down on her. Occasionally when taking a long time she commented that she needed to relax to be able to orgasm. One day we had intercourse face to face and she orgasamed for the first time during penetration.
Elizabethhenry
5 months ago
Orgasms are a mental game, it starts with the mind, the urge, the desire, the hunt or chase.
Until you can open yourself up mentally to your sexual partner you may struggleJack_Hammers
5 months ago
My go to for this issue is a VR headset. Hasn't failed me yet but did have one lady get there after a 3rd attempt 😉
GreedyLadies
5 months ago
My advice is go buy a small vibe toy, lots of lube and a bottle of wine and explore yourself.. Especially around your clit ..If nothing g works.. message me
Gatekeeper
Fromthepast45
5 months ago
I’m sorry to hear that hun.
That must be extremely frustrating for you!!
I sincerely hope that you keep on trying 😉 and I wish you a very speedy discovery to your problem.Juicysara
5 months ago
Well , if you hook up with different man, you shouldn't expect orgasm, but I think if you have a man who you love each other, you ll have desire and anticipation to have him and you ll be pleasured by every single touch....good sex for woman is more about their emotions and love twards the play mate ... im sure..
Anmnmmalia
5 months ago
I think this is a common issue amongst woman. I know women that cum very easily and women who never cum at all. As you said you are able to have an orgasm by yourself I’d say you are better of than many. Truth is most men and also some women are absolutely terrible at making a female cum. Having a difficult time cumming from sex itself is just apart of being a woman. Don’t stress it and buy a vibrator ☺️
Felicitous
5 months ago
I would recommend actually staying away from vibrators for a while.
They can desensitise and really - because they can make us cum so quickly.. it sets a 'false' narrative for such things.
Take your time any explore yourself by yourself... Figuring out in what way and where you enjoy being touched. Taking notes of what you're thinking/ imagining and what sorts of fantasies turn you on.
Finding a partner that aligns with some of your imaginings is a great start. Also there's some interesting reading on Erotic Blueprints....
This helped me incredibly. For example I'm an energetic - so I need more of a tantric experience to pleasure / for me it's more about the anticipation, the build. Anything too fast too hard/ rough and I shut down. Pain also disconnects me... Figuring out you're 'type' will also assist in better realising your needs from a partner.
I hope that assists.. there's nothing worse than feeling like there's 'something wrong'. My experience is that for myself there never was, I just didn't know what I physically needed to truly pleasure because I hadn't experienced it.
Also you can love someone who is completely sexually mismatched... So I'd say it's not from not being in a loving relationship.
Being sexually matched and having feelings now that's an explosive combination!
Good luck x
V.
AussieKisser
5 months ago
Need a man that will focus on you and what you like.
Try and communicate with him, might take a few attempts or even 1st one just gotta find a man that will try
Sam_rocco
4 months ago
Never heard of that. Sorry to hear that
Primeval
4 months ago
It sounds like the issue is not physiological considering you are able to cum on your own. The only other thing I can think of, and it's the main factor when it comes to sexuality, especially for women, is your brain. Your mental state. Obviously, your mental state is changing when you are in the company of another person, and that's stopping you from reaching the state you usually have no issues reaching on your own.
I would say, try to self reflect and compare your thoughts and what's going through your head when you're alone vs when you're with another person. However, this is easier said than done, especially when the reason can be hidden deep in your subconsciousness. The alternative option here would be to try speaking to a therapist about it. Ideally a sex therapist. A lot of people underestimate the body/mind connection when it comes to sex, but there is a reason why Sex therapy exists and is growing..
I hope you find this helpful and you overcome this issue in no time :)Dell2004
4 months ago
Hi do you have Adhd, it's common with that condition
sexuallover
4 months ago
Think you need to get yourself to orgasm first then you'll know how it feels and your partner will know how to get you there
My partner never orgasmed until nearly 40 but now with a little work she can in minutesRHP User
4 months ago
Your sexuality is only within yourself. I guess once I stopped expecting my lover to to it for me. I did it for me with them as wonderful participants in a game of discovery. My first every squirt was in pool on a Pacific island with freedom to release and be free. Sometimes it takes time or even the wrong meds. Expectations of achievement isn't always the orgasm but one day when you just let that notion sink in, only then will you allow your body to be free. Allow your sexuality to be free. Good luck 💓
Wildboyxxx
4 months ago
Your free to do what you want. Live your life to the fullest or you may regret it.
Jhon307
4 months ago
I can help you, I don't know a woman who hasn't had an orgasm with me.
RHP User
4 months ago
Being from a strict family you nay not have had enough experience or men .you can cum many ways even breast sucking by hand or tongue before any penis . Happy to help just starts from the brain to the lips down
ingridguerci94
3 months ago
I believe there's nothing inherently wrong with you, especially if you can experience satisfaction on your own. Society bombards us with misleading information about sex, creating unrealistic expectations. However, not everyone's experience aligns with these societal norms. In reality, people often pretend, experience anxiety about sexual matters, worry about performance and pleasing others, and have their own fears. It's perfectly okay.
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