M41 F33
how to introduce your partner in swinging
September 05 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I understand what you're asking, however...... From the way you've chosen to phrase it, to my eyes reading it sounds like YOU want what she doesn't..... and asking how to possibly change her mind via her partner for your benefit..... makes you look selfish. Let her and her partner work this one out without your pressure or agenda behind the scenes through her partner. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Putting myself in the lady's position.....I would absolutely hate the feeling of it being a kind of group plot to coerce or seduce me into being a swinger. It almost implies that the woman has to be tricked into it?Has anyone tried being an adult about it and straight out asking the woman if she wants to?If it was me, I would be more inclined to respond with a yes/no answer if the person takes the direct approach and puts it out there as an invitation on the table.If my partner and friends tried this plotting and scheming behind my back I would not be happy about it.The answer would be no.You could be getting ahead of yourselves in conversations and dreaming-on or fantasizing about something that may not ever happen. Just my perspective. But I'm a conservative and would loathe being in this woman's position.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It can be risky introducing a monogamous person to the swinging scene if they have never expressed any inclination and have not moved the line in their own mind as to where sex fits into the relationship ?Having said that here is how I did it.Get the husband to tell his wife they have been invited to investigate a new 'adult club' by mutual friends - play dumb about knowing any specifics ... you're going along as support for your friends who are curious but nervous - stress that there is no obligation or pressure to do anything at all - just having a look. Go to a decent swingers club and just hang together at the bar or a table, conversation will inevitably move to discussion of the concept of 'swinging' and thus the opportunity to establish how she feels about it. He needs to be prepared to support her desire for a quick exit without fuss if she is horrified. Of course once you've done this if she was unmoved you may find her a little more concerned about her husband spending time with you alone ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad'I understand what you're asking, however...... From the way you've chosen to phrase it, to my eyes reading it sounds like YOU want what she doesn't..... and asking how to possibly change her mind via her partner for your benefit..... makes you look selfish. Let her and her partner work this one out without your pressure or agenda behind the scenes through her partner. DG- Posted from rhpmobile Yeah, it may sounds selfish but they never had talked about it between them and who knows she might like this idea or she may have something going on in her mind. So the question is how to start the conversation?
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RHP User
12 years ago
What DG said.... The OP appears to be the male half of Laxmi10... Generally women have ways of talking to each other... So, it stands to reason that MRS Lexmi10 could talk to your Mrs "couple friends" be careful what you ask for though...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Then your business is not in theirs....sorry- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
It does not matter who it is but there frame of mind as women are more into an image of what they should be. So just feel her out on the subject and if she goes yuk drop the subject but if she's curios make suggestions. Remember No is No
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RHP User
12 years ago
Why read into a post or question more than what is there? Unless you know both these couples personally it is a bit presumptuous to assume you know what is really going on and being asked. Seemed a fairly straight forward question to me and your suggestion was quite a good one and sensible, let the girls work it out. But why not avoid casting the dispersions and dish out what you seem to have lots of, good sensible advice. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Simply start the convo in regards to nudist first ?? Sadly most believe that nudist community are die hard swingers ?? That will give u all a strong seance of what she feels without bringing up swinging ??? We started out as nudist then went along to swingers club for a look see for us it worked out well (except I can't find a female to play alone now grrr)
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RHP User
12 years ago
step 1 - organize a swingers party at there home step 2 - tie Mrs shy to the bed blindfolded step 3- Be a good host and Offer free alcohol to all the guest step 4- Let nature take its course lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'goldcoastcple69' step 1 - organize a swingers party at there home step 2 - tie Mrs shy to the bed blindfolded step 3- Be a good host and Offer free alcohol to all the guest step 4- Let nature take its course lol Hmmmn , by the sounds of it your implying that she will go for this , what if she doesn't enjoy the fact that she is about to be accosted by people she cant see and is fed alcohol to dull her senses , that sounds a bit forced , and a little like sexual assault , never feed free alcohol to guests in a pre-tense that your going to have your way with them , that sounds pretty sleazy in anyone's circle
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ok..... Bare bones time. On the information supplied, the topic is fundamentally about the author seeking to direct a female friend (who by the authors admission has expressed no interest in swinging) into swinging for the benefit of the author. Sorry...... That just doesn't sit well with me. And the more you push it, the worse it will appear. And the author even conceded that. Let HER choose.... just as you like to make your own choices without being railroaded by others. DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
If the couple who it directly involves hasn't spoke about it, don't you think it's the husbands job to ask her ?? Or start the conversation..... Starting the conversation though in itself is quite easy. You just sit, and ask the question. I would add that if her husband doesn't feel like he can broach this topic, then it suggests something a little deeper than just an introduction to swinging in my mind.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'deepbluesumthing' Putting myself in the lady's position.....I would absolutely hate the feeling of it being a kind of group plot to coerce or seduce me into being a swinger. It almost implies that the woman has to be tricked into it?Has anyone tried being an adult about it and straight out asking the woman if she wants to?If it was me, I would be more inclined to respond with a yes/no answer if the person takes the direct approach and puts it out there as an invitation on the table.If my partner and friends tried this plotting and scheming behind my back I would not be happy about it.The answer would be no.You could be getting ahead of yourselves in conversations and dreaming-on or fantasizing about something that may not ever happen. Just my perspective. But I'm a conservative and would loathe being in this woman's position.Well Said DeepBlue!! Where does the women's CHOICES come into this OP?FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am a bit puzzled by your last statement..."we both love to have them both in the scene and in our bedroom...."I have to ask...What is more important....The Friendship or getting them into bed?What happens after the play?Are you prepared for the consequences that go with??There's a lot to consider...FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
GoneFishing..... It was a joke Joyce!! GdCoastCpl are not being serious. DG I don't think they meant it that way. This guy is obviously keen and would like to see if his partner would be keen. How does he approach her about it without her telling him he is a pervert and slapping his face.... That is the question I think. Laxmi would obviously be keen to play with them if they were to ever get into swinging but I don't think they are saying they will force this young woman to do something against her will. I think we can give them the benefit of the doubt?? Poorly chosen words... Not evil intentions.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Gonefishin_68' Quoting 'goldcoastcple69' step 1 - organize a swingers party at there home step 2 - tie Mrs shy to the bed blindfolded step 3- Be a good host and Offer free alcohol to all the guest step 4- Let nature take its course lol Hmmmn , by the sounds of it your implying that she will go for this , what if she doesn't enjoy the fact that she is about to be accosted by people she cant see and is fed alcohol to dull her senses , that sounds a bit forced , and a little like sexual assault , never feed free alcohol to guests in a pre-tense that your going to have your way with them , that sounds pretty sleazy in anyone's circle
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi lovelies, in my limited opinion I don't think your friend can introduce his partner to the swinging scene without having an in depth discussion with her about it. I assume she is young like you? I have no idea what girls in their 20's are like but I didn't even known the swinging world existed at that age. In my experience it seems that it's more the older women who like to experiment... Although that is a huge generalization. So what I am trying to say in a round about way is, Your friend needs to be prepared that his partner may say "No way " straight up and he will have to respect that. If she is mildly curious... Well then maybe the two of them can explore some ideas together at their own pace. My suggestion would be that he brings swinging up in a casual way to see how she reacts. I would not ask her straight up... Hey bebe, wanna swing? :p However, in my a little bit experienced in this area opinion, I would definitely not swing with them while they are inexperienced. It can get too messy and as you will remember the first time you have group sex... Well you just never know how you will react. If either of them freaks out or gets jealous, or can't perform, etc ... Which is absolutely possible it will sour your friendship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't think anyone is advocating malicious deception .. it is about circumventing an existing albeit incorrect perception often held by those who have never given it a chance. How often do read of people expressive how different it actually was compared to what they 'thought' it would be like ?If you just bring it up in conversation it is often rejected out of hand based on the inaccurate preconception they have. Manufacturing a social circumstance for them to evaluate it for themselves without being forced or obligated is hardly deceitful coercion.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm sure you get the gist of it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lol @ "hey bebe wanna swing?" I think asking the direct question would be a little more tactile than that. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I find pornography boring but I am sure there are people here who could recommend some that might at least introduce her to the idea.If that doesn't pique her interest then he will have his answer.
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RHP User
12 years ago
well husband asked us how to talk to his partner and we are just getting some ideas, no one is forcing anyone here lol we respect her and their relationship, we only trying to get an idea how to start conversation, so he can have atalk to her and see what she feels about it, not forcing her into this...
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RHP User
12 years ago
that was a cheeky line we put in there, we don't want to lose our friendship with them but want better for them. It is his idea and like all of us, most of the time it comes to ones head and then we talk to our partners about it and take this journey. I do not think that the idea comes to both partners at the same time and suddenly we jump into it. One thinks of it first and talk about it to other partner and both wants to try it then it goes head otherwise stops there. so, this is his idea and he likes to talk to her partner and see what happens and i'm sure if she is not comfortable about it, it will not go any further.
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RHP User
12 years ago
exactly... why would we take benefit of anyone, there are plenty of couples on here but the idea is to help out our friend guys. hope it is clear now...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Hi lovelies, in my limited opinion I don't think your friend can introduce his partner to the swinging scene without having an in depth discussion with her about it. I assume she is young like you? I have no idea what girls in their 20's are like but I didn't even known the swinging world existed at that age. In my experience it seems that it's more the older women who like to experiment... Although that is a huge generalization. So what I am trying to say in a round about way is, Your friend needs to be prepared that his partner may say "No way " straight up and he will have to respect that. If she is mildly curious... Well then maybe the two of them can explore some ideas together at their own pace. My suggestion would be that he brings swinging up in a casual way to see how she reacts. I would not ask her straight up... Hey bebe, wanna swing? :p However, in my a little bit experienced in this area opinion, I would definitely not swing with them while they are inexperienced. It can get too messy and as you will remember the first time you have group sex... Well you just never know how you will react. If either of them freaks out or gets jealous, or can't perform, etc ... Which is absolutely possible it will sour your friendship. Thanks Meeka, everyone else seems to think we are forcing her into this or talking about it without her knowing but the idea is to help our friend how to bring the topic in the conversation.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Not sure with your post, as to whether your friends know you are in the scene, One of Tara's girlfriends told her and invited us to a swingers club, Tara told me, and I shit myself, hehe. No we talked it over and decided to have a look. We got all dressed up and headed into town, got lost and spent half the night driving around, we were way to late to make a respectable entrance, so we ended up in this massive sex shop, we had a ball and spent most of our money, hehe.It took quite some time before we decided to look at a site like this, to fulfill some desires, and we took the plunge.So we were the friends you are thinking of in a way. But the Mr of Taras girlfriend was really forward towards Tara, and that put us off playing with them. It is probably better to let the girls, girl talk. And boy can the girls, girl talk.Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
We do it everyday....an example of this is, "what do you want for dinner?" Applying this same concept is easy. "Xyz, I'd like to discuss something with you. I realise you may or may not be interested, but I'd really to know how you'd feel about introducing swinging into our sex life?"- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'IndefatigableMe' I don't think anyone is advocating malicious deception .. it is about circumventing an existing albeit incorrect perception often held by those who have never given it a chance. How often do read of people expressive how different it actually was compared to what they 'thought' it would be like ?If you just bring it up in conversation it is often rejected out of hand based on the inaccurate preconception they have. Manufacturing a social circumstance for them to evaluate it for themselves without being forced or obligated is hardly deceitful coercion. Heres an example which might make you think....A Hypothetical.... I have three gay guy friends. And they like you.... a LOTSo they ask me how I can talk to you about it..... or better still to "manufacture a social circumstance" where they confront you to convince you to allow them to take turns pounding your buttDo you mind?!DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' A Hypothetical.... I have three gay guy friends. And they like you.... a LOT So they ask me how I can talk to you about it..... or better still to "manufacture a social circumstance" where they confront you to convince you to allow them to take turns pounding your butt Take him to a pool hall. Balls, long hard poles and lots of bending over. Should be easy slip anal sex* into the conversation * Pun soooooo intended.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That is ridiculous. Please be serious.... FFS. 👎👎👎
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RHP User
12 years ago
You know what just occurred to me.... The people who give advice to these couples and others are all divorcees, from failed relationships and marriages, or serial singles. Where do we get off saying.... Just do this, just say that.... It's easy. I mean who the fuck are we?? Huh? Tell me that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
People seek advice...they want to hear from others and their experiences, knowledge etc etc that is why people ask and post Forums..It is what it is..So what if they come from all divorcees, from failed relationships and marriages, or serial singles - does it matter?We all have different backgrounds, knowledge, different morals and core values etc etc.Not one of us here are the same.Isn't what these forums are about; seeking knowledge, gaining knowledge, giving feedback and receiving feedback.We all have a common interest here and that is RHP Forums.We have all different backgrounds etc etc.People give advice because of their past mistakes and that they would not do again...does that make one right or wrong??No it does not..So how does one then seek advice from others in the forums?Not post? not seek answers?? just sit back and read? No one is right or wrong here. The OP asked a question and people answered it.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am sorry that the question/s you asked has gone off topic. Foxy
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY'People seek advice...they want to hear from others and their experiences, knowledge etc etc that is why people ask and post Forums..It is what it is..So what if they come from all divorcees, from failed relationships and marriages, or serial singles - does it matter?We all have different backgrounds, knowledge, different morals and core values etc etc.Not one of us here are the same.Isn't what these forums are about; seeking knowledge, gaining knowledge, giving feedback and receiving feedback.We all have a common interest here and that is RHP Forums.We have all different backgrounds etc etc.People give advice because of their past mistakes and that they would not do again...does that make one right or wrong??No it does not..So how does one then seek advice from others in the forums?Not post? not seek answers?? just sit back and read? No one is right or wrong here. The OP asked a question and people answered it.FOXY Agree that we asked the question and people said what they wanted to say or thought what they though what we wrote. some did not even answered at all but put their problem on the forum, it is best on a forum to answer what has been asked or what we are looking to gain from this post. a cheeky reply to the post is always welcome but a non-thinking post is a waste or time and we always see taste less reply to the posts too which we were not looking for. people who wrote their experience and tried to help us out a lot of thanks but please do not post taste less posts. cheers
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madotara69
12 years ago
Don't know whether to feel offended or not
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RHP User
12 years ago
Dont get ininvolved, let them find their own way. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I may have my cranky bitch pants on today. But FFS, tell him to man up and talk about it! I DO NOT understand couples who can't discuss this shit! If you can't talk about it....you sure as hell can't do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'IndefatigableMe' I don't think anyone is advocating malicious deception .. it is about circumventing an existing albeit incorrect perception often held by those who have never given it a chance. How often do read of people expressive how different it actually was compared to what they 'thought' it would be like ?If you just bring it up in conversation it is often rejected out of hand based on the inaccurate preconception they have. Manufacturing a social circumstance for them to evaluate it for themselves without being forced or obligated is hardly deceitful coercion. Everybody suggesting this is about coercion is delusional. The original authors are asking for advice on how to broach the topic sensitively, which presumably might include a series of escalations to advance the discussion, but would also include an equal number of opportunities to drop the conversation or back out if there's a lack of interest or curiosity, without negatively affecting the relationship(s).I would assume for the majority of the population the de-facto position would be 'never seriously considered it', but if put on the spot would be a defensive 'no'. You're essentially asking someone to identify with a relatively stigmatised sexuality (swinging is an unconventional kind of sexuality,) which has risks on both sides. As such, if somebody came straight out and asked me what I thought about swinging I'd be pretty hesitant to respond positively, particularly if I didn't know their stance. Conversely, if I didn't know my friends' stance, I wouldn't be so blatant, particularly if I didn't know whether the idea would make them uncomfortable.For me the reality is I don't really talk about my sex life, conventional or otherwise, because personally I think it's private, though I don't mind hearing about others (please, no bragging though.) I tend to notice women are far more open with each other, so agree with the suggestions that the friendliest/least-threatening way to approach it would be for the women to chat, and maybe for your partner to share something about your own sex life, to get her thinking about it. If she's curious she might approach her partner or have follow-up questions, and you can take it from there (or drop it if she changes the topic.)Good luck!Mr Tryst x
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RHP User
12 years ago
During my marriage the topic of swinging came up. It first came up when we were in a 69 and I used her vibrator on her and at the end I asked her, playfully, "so how did you like two hard cocks at the same time?". That led to a discussion of her fantasies about mmf. I was encouraging and supportive and she got quite detailed about exactly what aroused her thinking about it. Mixing a bit of 69 with the vibrator became more common in our sex life and she really really got off on it.The thing is, at that point in her life, she wanted to keep it as a fantasy and not explore the reality. At that point our relationship was humming along quite nicely. No pressure from me about making it a reality, no embarassment from her side talking and fantasising about it. In the 10 years or so that followed, we never progressed to making it a reality.Bottom line is, introducing that element and then just being open about it worked for the two of us and felt very natural and pressure free. Something along those lines or a roleplay or just talking about it during sex may be a way for your friend to bring it up with his other half. And that wild be the start he is looking for perhaps.
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RHP User
12 years ago
First time I did this she had about 20 orgasms that night , and the next day ran a mile , be very careful. As for toying her to the bed the only thing that will happen is she will run when untied .there was not tying down either and was only with a couple , that group scenario can be scary first time .
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RHP User
12 years ago
First time I did this she had about 20 orgasms that night , and the next day ran a mile , be very careful. As for toying her to the bed the only thing that will happen is she will run when untied .
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RHP User
12 years ago
Be careful with this
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RHP User
12 years ago
I wouldn't be getting involved to start with. Especially from your opening statement your too close. Secondly talking whilst your living this lifestyle is paramount or it will all end in tears with a range of issues. Everyone is different we take the direct approach with each other, but know lots that you would need to take the soft approach. So maybe they (not you) watch some threesome porn or something and see if she likes it talk whilst they are watching to get general feel.
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Fantasyplus
12 years ago
Unless she has a desire to have sex with other men other than her husband or wants to taste a woman and has spoken with her husband about her desires....I would not even get involved! Sorry but this shit can make or break a marriage! I understand the husband has asked you for advice, and I would point him in the direction of Google and step back and out of the situation. If she wants nothing to do with it and the marriage falls apart, you may very well also lose a friend.Mrs Fantasy
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Character1'First time I did this she had about 20 orgasms that night , and the next day ran a mile , be very careful. As for toying her to the bed the only thing that will happen is she will run when untied .there was not tying down either and was only with a couple , that group scenario can be scary first time . You actually did this? dude I was just joking lol I would never leave someone tied to the bed while drunken guest with boners party on ...lol ......................... or would I ??
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RHP User
12 years ago
Give her the power to say yes!! or no!! or change her mind!! or not even know sometimes!! and you will soon see her purring at the thoughts to explore. Having to explain these things or be responsible for not knowing as she feels them and learns if she likes it or not is completely opposite to fucking and how by feeling we know how to turn someone on.
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RHP User
12 years ago
To me the answer is simple. Communication.If she says no, then obviously she is not ready. Continuing to push the idea will push her further away from it.I think with adopting the swinging lifestyle, it's about being ready as an individual. You can't push the notion onto someone.
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rupamohan
12 years ago
Every second couple [definitely NOT all] we met from sub-continent has made us bizarre requests.. PPL have asked us to help their fren but indeed we know they are asking help for themself...we have been also asked by pushing husbands to join in dodgy plot to trap their wives..Some have said they are confident wife wants it..just a matter off starting her...some have tried to make her drunk...at times hubby has managed to push wife himself and when the wife actually enjoyed a lot...that is the end of hubby's adventure. OK leaving all this aside let us treat this as a very genuine post and congratulate Laxmi10 to be so caring for his frens wife..first there is nothing to learn here like trying to learn how to drive...you already do this...all you need is to be comfortable to repeat this with others..get 4 of you together...put a soft porn or what ever that can help the mood..adult jokes...talk about sex...tell them both you are feeling hot and ask if they are comfortable to see you touching kissing each other...turn the heat on..with more sex talk....tell them they look hot...ask if laxmi can kiss her hubby or just her..You can also first try this just among the girls..with out involving men at all... The fundamental to do anything challenging is very simple when you are at step 1 don't plan step 2. Few more tip specifically for sub-continent cpls. (not so much applicable to local born) a) Sexual practices vary a lot...be specific what you mean by terms like slow, quality, like minded, nice...often cpls are not willing to share what is in their mind but expect others to be like minded... b) Expecting a complete sexual & social compatibility is expecting too much...Divide and rule. c) If you are only after one of perfect fantasy that should exactly go the way you want...consider hiring pro fantasy experts discuss with them and pay +$400/hr d) Tell others what you have to offer in return...not just what you want..this is not a charity place.. When it comes to subcontinent people...we will be surprised if there is other couple in Australia who is more experienced then us...PM us and we can pass some more ideas...We understand your culture we speak your language... All the best hope your noble intentions to help your friend are successful.
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