effects of mental abuse & ways to escape/de-stress

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  Is an incredibly powerful tool used by those who perpetuate this form of manipulation... Your best bet... Is to seek the services of a mental health professional as they can tailor your recovery to suit you personally instead of us back yard peeps... But.. In my experience....exercise is a really awesome tool to help bring down the effects of cortisol, savoury diets over sweet.. AND... Here’s the biggie... BALANCE.....balanced diets, balanced exercise regimes, etc... Look at this as an opportunity for you to learn more about your body, and learn a new skill like cooking lol I know that sounds corny as fuck....but consider your diet and how to make it all from scratch, it helps to build confidence, and as in my case helps to engage the kids more into activities that are done WITH me not just around me... Make sense?? Never know, being able to cook your potential lover an amazing meal followed by an awesome breakfast may just be better than you think ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  Okay, queue up a whole symphony orchestra worth of strings here. I had a mentally abusive stepfather for a lot of my childhood - he really did specialize in making you feel like you were worthless. This can, and certainly did with me, last a lifetime. I do not suffer from depression or any such, but I am a bit hypersensitive when anyone - anyone - lobs a personal insult at me during an argument, be that at work or in relationships. I get volcanically angry, and my retorts are either brilliantly crafted and firmly put the other in their place, or they are a blathering mess with me totally losing my words. I could go and seek help with this via psychiatry or whatever, but I have accepted it as just part of my personality now and it causes me no real trouble. I have always maintained throughout my life that if there are people around you who have a negative influence on your life, fuck them off. There are family I no longer speak to, some very good friends have fallen by the wayside over the years. So my advice to you would be that if you are currently in an abusive relationship you need to pluck the courage to leave. This is often difficult because abusive partners deplete your confidence in yourself. I know many people who have stuck around in crap relationships because they lack the confidence to start afresh. If it is friends or work colleagues, I would advise you to either eliminate them from your life or at the very least minimize how much you have to do with them.

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  due to a heavy drinking stepfather...destroyed my self esteem and I suffered from low confidence and anger as a child through my school years...however I joined the Army at 19...and had a great long term career. The Army changed my life and reinvented me I guess.. I'm lucky now as I have a close knit group of military brothers who I have strong friendships with, outside of the brothers I don't trust people...to many backstabbers and users who have no concepts of loyalty. I love backpacking overseas to escape the stress and bore of everyday life routine..Morocco especially...

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  Quoting 'MFW_23' He died not long ago, and needless to say I have very conflicting feelings about him. I know that his issues largely stemmed from traumatic events in his childhood, and I see how those issues are just perpetuated through the generations in the way that he contributed to issues that I now have to deal with. My personal view (only) on this is - don't let them off the hook because they themselves once suffered traumatic events. My stepfather was the same - had a very troubled upbringing (and he has since died) but that is perhaps a mitigating factor but not a big one for me. If he hated it being done to him, why did he go on and do it to us? I have never had any children but I always vowed that if I ever did I would not make the mistakes that I clearly remember from my upbringing. I know the conflicting emotions - to this day when I think of the stepfather I firstly feel love (which is totally fucked), followed very hard on the heels by ''fuck he was a cruel cunt''.

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  Hottie1

  7 years ago

  I still carry the scars of a physically and mentally abusive father and a distant and emotionally detached mother (only to me, she has three children) and sexual abuse by a predatory ‘friend’. I work daily on my mental health. As a result though I’m neurotic, avoid conflict, my self esteem is low, I’m OCD (how else do you get someone to approve of you than being perfect) I excelled at school, I’ve got a wonderful family of my own .... guess what, it has never been enough for them. BUT i am finally enough for me. Through the support of an amazing GP and a mental health plan that does include medication, I like me. I exercise, I cook, I take time for me ... I make no apologies for loving people, I forgive (repeatedly) but it’s because I never want people to feel unloved ... if I have said I love you romantically or platonically, I simply love you, no conditions, no expectations. I’m aware of any faults and I love them too ... I am very, very guarded and if you’ve seen the real me, if you’ve seen the tears, the genuine smile, if I’ve shared something special with you, you’ve seen the most authentic me. Some of you have even hung around (self deprecating talk a coping mechanism lol) maybe I’m not that bad a person ... I do however owe some incredible thanks to one gorgeous man ... My beautiful husband, bless this beautiful person 😘 has truly loved me for me, through his eyes I saw a different me. He has for nearly 30 years been my rock, supported me, held my hand but never guided me, he has stood beside me letting me make decisions, mistakes, never once saying I told you so. He has just been there to pick up the pieces, put me back together again by simply loving me .... I’ve had lots of counselling and revisit that regularly ... I also don’t see my mother, her vitriol is destructive. I can’t change her but I can change how she impacts me. Some may say that is sad, it’s healthy for me and my family, then that’s the best choice for me. My father died over 7 years ago, he died on a Saturday. The Friday night before he asked to see me, I hadn’t seen him for over 4 years ... ‘I’m sorry...’ he said, the last words he uttered. Does that absolve his behaviour, absolutely not! I’m 51 and I’m still carrying the scars 😔 OP, it’s difficult at times to share, Thankyou for giving a platform for a challenging topic. For everyone sharing, Your stories may be difficult to rehash but ty for sharing. Mary xx

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  Dirtyandfriendly

  7 years ago

  My last relationship I was involved with someone who was mentally abusive, not in the put down perspective, but she brought me down to her negative level and I stopped being my true self. She was a hypochondriac who was heavily medicated and "sick" all the time. At first I looked after her, was sympathetic and understanding. But it became a daily occurrence I was always cancelling things and stopped going out or hanging out with friends. In her past her sister received all of her parents attention so she used her illnesses as a gateway to her parents attention and they catered to it. Through out her life it was a constant attention that not only affected use, but her job and friends. I remember a night where I'd had a full week of uni and working and all I wanted to do was go out for a drink on a Friday evening with her and have dinner just wind down. I was so excited to do something with her and not think about work or uni. When I go to her house she was in her pyjamas and said she didn't feel well. We proceed to sit on the couch with her parents while she napped and complained the whole time. Longer into the relationship she got her dream job and as soon as she started she was "sick and took months off and was angry her work didn't understand. I was with her through blood tests, doctors appointments and most of our other time together was spent sitting on the couch or we would do something but vey quickly she wasn't well and we went home and just sat there. The amount of prescription drugs she was on was incredibly dangerous and her job required a sound mind too! I am scared now when someone tells me panadol or nurofen don't work anymore. Ultimately each test we took came back negative, 3 to 4 doctors appointments a week and endless trips to the chemist. Each time she made me go with her down that level, I personally have a chronic illness I have never ever made me make excuses of in my life. She tried to use it so I would feel just as sick as her, but I never did. Still to this day the moment a potential date or sexual partner tells me she gets sick a lot I don't want to deal with it. Sometimes it's not just put downs or degrading insults. It can be a negative path where you try anything and everything to help that person, but you don't even realise you were being used to pander to their attention. There was a time she even threatened to hurt herself if I broke up with her or I do remember she did offer once to break up, but the way she said was a threat that she would harm herself if that's what I wanted. Again that is a form of mental abuse. I have never told anyone this, no one knows exactly what I went through, you might think I was being a selfish arsehole and that's what scares me about people will think when we broke up. I know it not what people consider mental abuse, but it was placing me in a depressive state where I was drinking, doing everything to make her happy and not thinking of myself, if the makes sense?

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Dirty/Friendly, I think you would find that most people you know probably saw your ex for what she was and would not think you selfish or cruel or whatever. I was surprised when I left my ex (very negative just like yours, only minus the hypochondria), a lot of my friends seemingly loved her, I was expecting some grief from them. Those that offered any opinion on it said ''she looked like she was hard work'' (and most of that particular opinion was from women friends), others elected to say nothing but I copped no grief from them all the same.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  thanks to all the responses so far, its nice to see (you know what i mean) the complexity and variety in peoples situations and experiences and hear about some things that are working for you to help. i certainly relate to the points on trying to avoid conflict where possible, i am quite particular about myself with various things, self esteem eh it has its moments. i like to think my wide range of interests and hobbies does help most of the time to keep my mine focues on things that bring me some joy and make me feel like im contributing to something and have other opportunities to look forward to our minds are definitely both very complex and very powerful places and we do need to try and work with ourself and not against ourself. i'm glad its helping some people to also get some things off their chest and gain some other perspective, in what is usually mostly a very friendly and welcoming environment here.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I try to work on balance, being okay, not perfect or useless. The full quote by Virginia Satir: "I Am Me, I Am OK", is a wordy one but the best affirmation I know of, for a failure/perfectionist, it is perfect. I decided I have some stoic in my personality that has gotten me through as a person against a world of challenges for as long as I can remember. A mental abuser will be whatever it takes to manipulate trust in them. They seem supportive while they are actually undermining your trust in other people who actually care about you. Touching on triggers to create sympathetic feelings while undermining supposed threats is a good way to do this. I'm a big, Doing it my way human who has far more life stories than she has shared generally. Peachy

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