M60
desparate for a laugh
January 28 2010
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
bwahhahhahahahaha i like it
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RHP User
16 years ago
It quaked me up too ))))))))))))))))))
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RHP User
16 years ago
husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about Psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."
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RHP User
16 years ago
My wife just found out she was adopted. She was devastated and kept asking "Why didn't they want me?" I took her in my arms and comforted her. After a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me to make love to her, which led to even more tears. On reflection, banging her up the arse and yelling "Who's your Daddy?!" halfway through may have been a little insensitive I guess.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Love em, love em all..... Please keep them coming. Cheers, Shell / Mike
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RHP User
16 years ago
First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!" hehe...Jose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
You have lived your life and think you know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to the shithouse . . . An old stockman sat down in a city pub and ordered a beer. As he sat sipping his beer, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the stockman and asked, 'Are you a real stockman?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking-in horses, droving cattle, riding in rodeos, fixing fences, bailing hay, branding calves and feeding my horses and dogs, so, yeah, I guess I am a stockman.' She said, well I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat drinking in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old stockman and asked, 'Are you a real stockman, like, from the outback?' He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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RHP User
16 years ago
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?' To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!'
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I joined a health club last year, spent about 600 bucks. Haven't lost one kilo..... Apparently you have to go there. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads, and there's no room left in our brains to store it all.... That's my story and I'm sticking to it. AND Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look bloody fantastic!
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BeachOasis
16 years ago
A spunky blonde just asked me if I prefer Leg's or Breast's...... I said I'm more into a shaved pussy and anal... Apparently this is not an acceptable answer at KFC.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Fantastic!!!!!I've just discovered Twitter.It's my girlfriends sensitive area between the Twat and the Shitter
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RHP User
16 years ago
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Catholic priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' 'Of course child. What can I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Cant Belive i wasted my time reading that crap ????? My 8 yo Girl tells better jokes
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RHP User
16 years ago
ok then put her on hopefully she has a better sense of humor than her motherNice ass sweety xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'toshare69' Cant Belive i wasted my time reading that crap ????? My 8 yo Girl tells better jokes
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RHP User
16 years ago
I did get a few good laughs from the rest of the thread lolol... Hugs... Mrs P'
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RHP User
16 years ago
A woman is flirting with a man at a bar..she is flicking her hair and giggling..she says to him "My name is Carmen because I love Cars and Men!" "What's your name?" she giggles..."BEERCUNT" he replies....
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RHP User
16 years ago
Daddy, how was I born? A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on RHP. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: You've got male.
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RHP User
16 years ago
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newsreader says: "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "Oh that's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!" Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, & there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, asks, "How many is a brazilian ?"
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RHP User
16 years ago
Kids know way too much these days. Today in the doctors waiting room,i saw a little girl playing with her ken and barbie dolls imitating the doogy position. I bent down and told her "You end up with little baby barbie dolls if you keep doing that." She replied, "I dont think so Mr,he's doing her up the arse."
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RHP User
16 years ago
A plane is going down, with a lawyer, priest and a young mum with couple of kids. Before jumping out with a parachute the pilot ducks into the back and says "Sorry, folks, only have a couple of parachutes" and throws them to the priest before jumping out. The priest puts one on and gives the other to the woman, saying "Put this on and hold on to her children" The lawyer yells out "What about me? I should get it instead - fuck the children!" The priest got taken aback, turns to the lawyer and asks "But - do we have time?!?"
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RHP User
16 years ago
did you hear about the mouse that took a viagra.. he chased the the cat around the house shouting whose chasing pussy now,,,,whats the differance btween a pint of guiness and a priest they are both black with white collars and if you get a dodgy one youve got to watch your arse
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Cait_Sidhe'A woman is flirting with a man at a bar..she is flicking her hair and giggling..she says to him "My name is Carmen because I love Cars and Men!" "What's your name?" she giggles..."BEERCUNT" he replies.... I love this gag. Hugs Stalky
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stardreams123
16 years ago
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things. The first little boy says, "Alligator." "Very good, that's a big word." The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny, the third boy says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!
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RHP User
16 years ago
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and says, “Hey, what's in the bag?” So, the man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, all of about maybe 12 inches tall, and he sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano. Then he reaches into the bag pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart. "Where on earth did you get that?", the bartender asks. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag and pulling out what looks like a little genie lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here, rub it." So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a puff of smoke and a genie magically appears and says, "I will grant you one wish, just one." The bartender gets really excited, and without hesitating, he says, "I wish I had a million bucks !" A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar, and then another duck, and then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little hard of hearing. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" To which the man answers "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!"
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Letsgetcrazy09
16 years ago
Man walks into his local pub and the publican is touting for business and a quick buck. The deal this week is that for $20 if you can make his donkey laugh he will give you free beer for a month. The guy has had a few pints and hands the publican his $20, goes over to the donkey and whispers in his ear. The pub is almost brought down with the deafening eeaaawwwinggg of the donkey. Everytime the guy comes in the pub for the next month he gets his free beer and the donkey laughs everytime he comes in. At the end of the month the publican has another challenge. For $50 if you can make the donkey cry you can have free beer for the year. The guy is pissed off at the donkey by this time and says to the publican that he would like to take the donkey out the back and make him cry. The publican thinks this a bit odd but agrees and off the two go out the back. Next thing the guy comes back in, the publican hears the donkey crying it guts out. But a bets a bet and so he says he will honor the bet. A week goes by, the donkey is still crying. A month goes by, the donkey is inconsoable. The publican is beside himself, thinking he is going to have to get rid of the donkey. The guy comes in and the publican says to the guy, look i've got to know how did you make the donkey laugh, i've got to get him to stop crying. The guy looks at him, and says "I told him I have a bigger dick than him" The publican is taken aback and asks "Well how did you make him cry for heavens sake then" The guy gets a big wry grin - "I showed him" Cheers Lets
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