M63

a ladies guide to sex with footballers.

March 22 2009

well rugby footballers actually. since the super rugby (union) season is in full swing, i thought i'd give the ladies some guidelines so they can work out their favorite rugby shag buddy. each person on a rugby pitch has a clearly defined job. this usually says something about the type of bloke they are. If you look at the number between a players shoulder blades you can work out what sort of fuck he should be as the number relates to their position and task.. number 1, 2 or 3. the front row. these are the fatties. they sweat allot and huff and puff. because the 1 and 3 anchor the ends of the front row of the scrum, they are very good pushers. so if you're fucking in one of those cheep pipe type beds, they will probably bend the end of it back with their feet while pushing you into the wall up to your shoulders. they are not very clever blokes so don't confuse them with chatter. the number 2 is called a hooker. so leave 50c in his shoe afterwards. it will make his day. 4 and 5. locks. these are usually the tallies. shag them on the floor as they wont fit in your bed, and unless you want to spend the whole time looking into his torso just above his navel, you better get on top. despite this, they tend to be quite hard working types and you'll always be able to find him in a crowd... unless your at a basketballers function. 6,7 and 8. the back row (or loosies). these are rugby's do anything anywhere men. if they don't manage to bleed (or get someone else's blood on them) they are not happy. if your daughter brings one home, tell him there is another man with a number 10 on hiding up stairs. then usher your family out the back door when he charges up there foaming at the mouth. if you want adventure spike his drink and then tie most of him down. when he comes around you'll get a terrifyingly good fuck. 9. ahhh.. the half back. he's a cheeky little bloke who never stops talking. you should probably stand a man with a whistle in the corner of your bed room. your half back will point at you and other things and complain to the man about nothing while he screws you. if you can shut his constant chatter out, you'll have a great fuck as the buggers usually never stop. 10 the 5/8 (though he has loads of other names). this man will enter your house and will head off to your bathroom where he will spend hours looking at his pecks and 6 pack in the mirror. hide your make up and hair product. if you can get him away from the mirror you should get a fairly stylish shag.. if you can get him away from the mirror.. warning, loosies like to mess up his face if they can. so only get close to him if your girlfriends are dating safe types. 12 and 13. the centers. these blokes are nearly as lovely looking as the 5/8, but allot less up them selves. they are usually pretty physical and like to do stuff in concert, so be prepared for a MMF (probably with multiple penetration). they are crafty suckers so hide all your money and jewelry. 11 and 14. the wingers. these blokes go like the clappers. expect fast and intense sex. they usually can't catch or pass, so don't give them anything they can brake by being clumsy. they rarely make a tackle either. so you may be left with the sensation of just having a quick wank as you wont remember them ever laying a hand on you. 15 the full back. a reclusive bloke who spends most of his time standing back and watching his team mates do all the work. occasionally issuing some instructions. he should have safe hands so can be trusted with rare china. if you've got the hots for a full back. sit him on a chair just back from the end of the bed and root a center. he'll watch, not do much and tell the center where he's going wrong. this will actually make your full back very happy. i hope that helped.. good luck finding the right rugby player for you. i grew up in a WA country town, so i played AFL until i got to colts level and was too shit to get a game. but when i started studying a mate dragged me off to play rugby union. it was a revelation, a hugely fun game to play. LRE (not telling where he played)

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RHP User

17 years ago

is just do not do it going by the news lol

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RHP User

17 years ago

Pmsl - How true from someone who used to date a rugby player and is a mad keen union supporter.

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RHP User

17 years ago

Hahahaa.....texted you my response mate!!!!! M_S

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RHP User

17 years ago

nice work mate.. impressed.. helped kill the time at work and got a laugh

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RHP User

17 years ago

to be at the bottom of a scrum with richie mccaw and the boys...naked of course!!! MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm

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RHP User

17 years ago

To have the All Black rugby team in a spa!!!!

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RHP User

17 years ago

flirty you know what we say about Richie don't you!!!! bwahahahahahaha..... lub you!!! Bren and Bob

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RHP User

17 years ago

>flirty you know what we say about Richie don't you!!!! i say he's a cheat.. at least that's the nicname this house hold has for him.. well.. an injured cheat anyway ~LOL~ LRE (not injured)

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RHP User

17 years ago

I'm a halfback, through and through! LOL!

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RHP User

17 years ago

u just jealous heehee if ya can get away with it then go 4 it i say. he can get away with bein a hottie, a talent on the field, sexy and noted to be the top rugby player in the world as voted by the irfu then he can get away with it. as for his injury...my application is in for the position of personal masseuse...along with millions of others i presume...still waiting by the phone, waiting for a reply...waiting...waiting...waiting...wai... **sigh** flirty xxx FFS BOB YA NOB...HE ISNT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jealousy will get u nowhere

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RHP User

17 years ago

Great summary for the ladies and AFL fans (same thing). As an ex hooker i am happy to read it to any ex props, whilst my wife is off shagging the fly half. LOL Are ex rugby players more likely to be swingers? theres a survey waiting to be had. XX S&K

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a ladies guide to sex with footballers.

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