F49
You vs world...Holding out for yourself versus being held back by an incompatible relationship...
January 10 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Much of your essay seems to be about convenience sex? I guess the most convenient sex takes place with sex toys or masturbation... where the moment is totally under your control. Introducing another into the equation involves a variable, which may or may not effect your level of control. If its just about the sex act... then the experience may be shallow. If its about the experience of which sex is one component... then it can be deeper. Expect a lot has to do with how much each experience leaves a lasting impact? If an experiences is forgettable... then it would be time wasting. Unless an experience alters you in some way... adding to your growth as a person... How do you measure the worth? I guess much depends on where it takes you on your journey... and if you value the memories which result. But at the end of your journey a lot depends on whether you are alone... or have someone to share your memories.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'eunuch'Much of your essay seems to be about convenience sex? (Is this surprising on RHP?).......But at the end of your journey a lot depends on whether you are alone... or have someone to share your memories. Eunuch, Thank you for your post..although I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't actually answer the question... as to the reasons why you chose "you" than being part of two? A question that I believed this place with so many pushing the NSA/Casual/Convenience sex barrow and flying the flags of this position in their profiles and other forum posts, would have meant this thread would be overflowing with their responses eg end of a relationship, experimenting, work/study commitments, just over relationships.. From your post-are you saying that people that are having random sex might as well be having a w**k if it is meaningless? (Isn't this position risking setting them off at you with the torches and farm equipment?) Isn't having the random sex an "experience"? Am I supposed to believe that each of these encounters that occur and are often bragged about online are all viewed as important parts of their life's meaning/journey or as sacred offerings to their gods? Some people do enjoy control, some people enjoy being controlled, some people like switching, some people enjoy eating s**t and drinking p*** some people just enjoy giving people s**t and p***ing on them from a great height-they are just some of the games people play.... I'm not asking what their game or league is...to each their own... I'm wondering why people are drawn to or choose to participate in the arena.. perhaps for some of them-that is their game-to see if they "dare" do it... If you only ever socialise with one group of people-to survive you either have to bow to the will of the group or face being ostracised or otherwise penalised until you conform and so just to "come here" would be thrilling or sufficiently recreational. Let alone actually finding someone to "c** with"! I believe it is very easy to forget how unusual many others out there perceive the many activities or lifestyle choices that people participate in as a result of being on this site...and it can cause tunnel vision-if one is not mindful that there is a whole other world out there... My understanding is that we are all alone... Can you please explain what it is you mean by having "someone" to "share" your memories at the end... if they were not there with you when you had your experiences- how would this possible? This isn't my ideal bed partner-I'm not certain that one could sufficiently articulate what that was nor would I actually want to share that information here....however someone like this would be ideal presently for a time... Thanks for your input....lets see what the others say...they usually have lots of other information they want to share and want us to know all about themselves and others they play with-I didn't think it too difficult a question for them to answer "honestly". NymphetamineDrm
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RHP User
15 years ago
Man you're complicated. I'm addicted to love.Your lights are on, but you're not homeYour mind is not your ownYour heart sweats, your body shakesAnother kiss is what it takesYou can't sleep, you can't eatThere's no doubt, you're in deepYour throat is tight, you can't breatheAnother kiss is all you needWhoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeahIt's closer to the truth to say you can't get enoughYou know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to loveYou see the signs, but you can't readYou're runnin' at, a different speedYou heart beats, in double timeAnother kiss, and you'll be mine a one track mindYou can't be savedOblivion is all you craveIf there's some left for youYou don't mind if you doHugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
HI Nymph, I found your post extremely well written and rather thought provoking. It's nice that you've considered what you want. Perhaps you have greater strength than I have. I am interested in how you deal with the loneliness. I find sex is great when I'm horny but it goes nowhere towards fulfilling the loneliness I feel at night, watching T.V, having a glass of wine while snuggling on the couch. I'm trying to work out what part of me I'm prepared to compromise and what part I won't regardless of how wonderful the man. I don't hide the fact that I'm after a relationship or that I'm happy for fun while I'm looking. Ideally I'll find a man who can share this lifestyle with me and who doesn't get jealous by my forum posts. Hugs, Miss Saturn
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'm interested to know if you chose "you" over wanting to be one of two... What are YOUR reasons? . Independence Vs interdependence. . Like many people, I have been in both positions either because I chose them or they chose me. The most satisfaction I have ever had has been an interdependent relationship where I haven't been enveloped by the fumes of obligation. He is my husband and he provides me with the independence I need as well as the nurturing to grow. . (Being independent is not to be confused with being insular, as being insular finds it's roots in narrow mindedness and has the capacity to inhibit growth.) . Sure, as 'one of two" my thoughts get interrupted sometimes and my plans go off course, but in doing so I get to see the world through his eyes and I learn and appreciate something old in a new light. We live life in cycles but it never has to be "here we go again..ho hum". And if it does become ho hum (because we live life in cycles), then it's time to look at the world differently....get some new friends, move to a new place, get a new job, travel, study, explore sexual boundaries etc.... . So, to answer your question, no, I would not choose "me" over being one of two, because the power of 2 independent people working together is simply awesome :-)
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RHP User
15 years ago
...thanks Nymph for posting something personal without making judgments on others that differ from you, very refreshing!I love reading how different and similar we all are, makes for an interesting world.Well we made the choice of "us" instead of "self". For me (and I can generally interchange "me" and "us") it is just a natural thing to share the world with someone else and I've had that lovey dovey idea of love and life since I was young. In my younger days I did have it all wrong and relied on the union to provide all my needs. Luckily I had a great break where I too spent many years learning to live with just myself and like you I was very happy and very content and having a whole lot of fun. I was so happy with my lot and actively NOT looking for a relationship but then Miss Pup walked by and my whole world turned upside down (more aptly, right side up!). I still resisted becoming an "us" but inevitably we jumped into "us" very quickly. This early "us" was still naive being too much as one too early, which is never good for the self. As the years go by we've grown, both together and as individuals. We are more deeply "us" than ever before but still retain some of the lovely naivity but I also find we've grown as two self's as well.Could we live without each other? Of course, people lose their loved ones all the time and find the strength to continue the journey. But would we choose to? No way! Oh and sexually speaking it's been a great ride too, we've passed through so many different phases and loved almost all of them and even appreciate what we've learned from the crap ones (you know the "both too tired to F^%$" phases). Of course both being inquisitive has allowed us to explore outside the norms too so we definitely feel like we've got our cake and languishing in eating it too.Anyway Stalky summed it up very well, thanks Robert!Lovely Miss Saturn, feeling lonely doesn't make one weak. If we didn't feel lonely then we wouldn't appreciate good company. As far as compromise, any two or more individuals trying to achieve any moderately complex task will have to arrive at compromises, they may have to even compromise their "self". Who hasn't had to for a nasty boss,teacher,etc. I think with a loving relationship one doesn't (or shouldn't) feel like they are compromising their core "self". That said, maybe compromising at this level is what helps us to learn and grow this thing called self. Time and time again on here people post nasty things about other people's choices and come back with the line "it's my opinion and I won't compromise"So I guess I'm the polar opposite to NymphDrm although I can understand where she's at. I'm sure she'd be up front with her partners and there's many that will enjoy her charms (I wouldn't mind a ride on the other side :) ). ..I'm off to look for other interesting postsxxxMr Pup
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RHP User
15 years ago
My experience has been somewhat different... I only recently (nearly a year ago) ended a 13yr relationship and since being single for the first time in my life I have found that its much easier for me to let people fall in love with me than it is to keep them casual and at an FWB level. Though it really is the latter that I would prefer Im yet to find any females around my age who are looking for a similar thing.... they must be out there, I hear stories all the time but my lifestyle isnt one of bars and clubs more so art galleries and get togethers at mates houses, dinner parties etc etc so I guess my crowd isnt as dynamic as it might be... therefore I think its much easier to just be me and enjoy charming and flirting and as a result the girls that usually gain interest in me do it because they want a relationship and are not as interested in what you describe.So here I am on RHP and I have to admit Im finding it to be about the same... the people here who Ive chatted to and had conversations with are much more interested in who I am as to the sexual interest that might be there... and really I dont mind that... Im fine with making friends... but in all honesty I look forward to the day of getting a message in my inbox that reads something like "I like your profile, there is a band I like playing on saturday night at Bar X, how about we go along and have a good night?"I just dont know if girls really think like that?my reasons for wanting that experience I think are driven from a sense of never having had that before... not even being sure if it exists... wanting to find out... wanting the thrill of just going out at the spur of the moment because someone actually pursued me for a change rather than the other way around... just wanting to have some fun and feel like its a mutual want rather than a one sided pursuit (which it has been for me in the past and which I wont do again... its just not worth the personal investment of time and energy to try that hard for anyone I dont think)A lot of what we hear today is about how unnecessary men are (your post included) and if that really is the case then its not hard to understand why you bump into that angsty, ego fueled guy once in a while... he knows the only way he can get what he wants is to be used by someone... probably not even his first choice "someone" either... maybe even his only option... and thats kinda bleak really isnt it?I think the whole "single" experience is very different for guys and girls. And for men who arent willing to chase every tail that walks across thie path just because it might lead to sex at the other end... its a slow process.... but so far its been a rewarding one... Id like to imagine the quality of experiences Ive had has been amazing in comparison to potential one night stands etc that I havent chased but I would still like to broaden my experiences and find a more moderate balance between someone who is falling in love with me and someone who just wants a cock for the night.Im not thrilled about the former but Ill do it and Im definitely reluctant to provide the latter... why should I? go to the desperate guy with the ego and angst at the end of the bar... he'll take care of that for ya, then snort about it with his mates at the office on monday... good luck to him. Im just not that guy... Im looking for the next level up... ongoing friendship with a passionate and sexy person that occasionally ends up in the bedroom and its worth being selective about in my point of view.LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well Nymph , your better off being happy alone than unhappy with the person next to you..Our levels of tolerance and compromise depends on the level of attraction we have in the other person..
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RHP User
15 years ago
There are times when I am happy with being by myself.There are times when I am with someone and may as well be by myself.There are times when I am with someone and we have a great time together.I just have to work out how to mix it all together so that it blends really well.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Wanting and needing to be a team player or preferring to stay solo. A problem is that the best stud, body and penis may not have the best brain, personality or habits. They can only entertain with their penis or pussy rather than provide lasting pleasure through their wit, humour, frame of mind, caring and shared interests. Partner shopping and swapping does increase awareness of the differences that exist. Not every screw is the same. What one is capable of doing, or in fact willing to do, can vary greatly from another. Some demand rough sex, whilst others cannot tolerate it. Not everyone smells, feels or acts the same. But the brain also plays an important function in the sex act. Being such an influence that suggestion and imagination alone can result in orgasm under special circumstances. The dynamics at play are many and wondrous, far beyond what a simple fluid exchange can entail. There is great worth in the synergetic acts of two people, where the combined pleasure prove greater than the sum of their separate joys. The notions of romance and true love imply finding a soul mate where compatibility in all things is ultimate. An ideal that some will search for all their life, yet never find. Whilst others will, but sadly be robbed of that joy through accidents, disease and premature death. Making a living can be one of the most destructive elements in a relationship. Earning enough to support each other and coping with financial pressures. The demands of a job often robs a relationship of quality time and diverts the mind to other matters, which are often totally alien and divorced from the relationship. Removing the relationship allows the career to rein supreme, then one can seek transient pleasures to fill a need. Though later in life the career will be history, through redundancy or retirement and one will be seeking partners for company and pleasure. Will there still be an abundance of willing studs available or will one find themselves alone and alienated? My desire is to be part of a two in a soulmate environment with shared memories… though now I'm ageing, that dream is proving very elusive. Kindest regards, Eunuch
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi, I read your post about ten times. Had different thoughts each time. Firstly I felt guilty for being one of those men who wants to cuddle and have conversation after sex. My apoligies for not being a pornstar penis and a 240 volt plug( batteries go flat). I would also need a brain but no brain. i do not understand so i guess i qualify. Charlie Sheen of 2 and 1/2 men could not have put your position any better. If you were a middle aged man on this site with that sort of attitude, you would go absolutly no where. i also sence that perhaps you have some baggage from previous 1 plus 1 and that is perhaps limiting your choices at the moment. I would love to give you a maths lesson. 1 plus 0 equals ???????? compared to 1 plus 1 equals ??????????????? But perhaps another time. With a good heart I offer the following, found on a wall hanging in bali. Please thing about it. Happiness is the art of NEVER holding in your mind the MEMORY of any UNPLEASENT thing that has PASSED. what has passed are the things that make you the great and wonderful person that you are today. SO BE THANKFUL FOR THE BAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED, they are possibly the best things that have happened to you.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'itsaboutatitude' Hi, I read your post about ten times. Had different thoughts each time. Firstly I felt guilty for being one of those men who wants to cuddle and have conversation after sex. My apoligies for not being a pornstar penis and a 240 volt plug( batteries go flat). I would also need a brain but no brain. i do not understand so i guess i qualify. Charlie Sheen of 2 and 1/2 men could not have put your position any better. If you were a middle aged man on this site with that sort of attitude, you would go absolutly no where. i also sence that perhaps you have some baggage from previous 1 plus 1 and that is perhaps limiting your choices at the moment. I would love to give you a maths lesson. 1 plus 0 equals ???????? compared to 1 plus 1 equals ??????????????? But perhaps another time. With a good heart I offer the following, found on a wall hanging in bali. Please thing about it. Happiness is the art of NEVER holding in your mind the MEMORY of any UNPLEASENT thing that has PASSED. what has passed are the things that make you the great and wonderful person that you are today. SO BE THANKFUL FOR THE BAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED, they are possibly the best things that have happened to you. itsaboutatitude... Firstly, "You look hot-and you seem reasonably clever-now stop talking and just do it to me!" x I did say I was on a "little break" dear and I explained why I'd decided to have one... I believe when I'm overwhelmed or things change it is best just to retire for a while and consider the options available than try to trudge on and make a bigger mess of things or cause a new mess in my life or another's...well that's the plan so far-I'm making it up as I go along... I wondered why other other people had chosen themselves over being involved in an incompatible relationship (it didn't necessarily mean the other people were unsuitable-it could also mean being in a relationship was incompatible with where they were in their life) I really do appreciate the honest responses that everyone has offered xxx to all of you xxx I did say the man I described was not someone that would be the best for me to have a relationship with...reality is-unlikely he does exist-however please get in touch asap if you do *smirk* Those that do know me-know it is unlikely I could be a complete replicant. However, if he was one of a group available just in it for sex, (the group from which to make my choice in this brief break of self-indulgence and fantasy being the male cast of GaGa's BadRomance-irony eh?) for "me" to pick from to use as a pleasure machine-why should I not choose the one I want? The pick of that group for me and just have fun? Isn't this what men do all the time on here and offline? And not just the "glib, insincere operators"? (Hawkeye?) They have a few options in mind and then go for the one they want the most-for the most fun. Isn't it more responsible of me to say-I'm taking a "little break" and withdraw from the arena (whatever my reasons) than go forward with someone full throttle, have them fall for me completely and then say "Sorry-I have to do some yoga" and then "I have to have a glass of water" (I really should have put Henry Rollins on that other celeb shag thread) or some other lame reason for me to split after I formed a relationship with them? Maths? It holds the secrets to the universe...well the secrets that the oracles can't provide. I like a man that's into string theory-well ropes and a belt is better...I digress. After much research the Drm Institute would like to put forward her results "1 plus a Zero is always going to be much less fun than 1 plus One's equal." I'm very aware that we are who we are because of all that's come before-if you knew me better- you'd be very clear that I am. I'm just over dealing with all the "befores" that have nothing to do with me-and get in the way of my "happy"-let alone happy ever after of a fractured and kinky fairy tale. It's not my baggage-it's checked.. It's the jagged emotional contraband they want to smuggle into their Homer-like snuggles... What has your dark and twisted psyche done to Psyche? Why is Cupid crying? (if I had to pick teams I'd go with Adler being my homeboy-yet having seen it in live action I think Freud was spot on with some of this unresolved "mother" business some of these men have) and then want me to carry the contraband across the border into our relationship ponderandwonderland-it's their stuff and they want to give me up to their intimacy border guards for some bizarro psychological payoff!!! I'm all for a kinky man in uniforms but....wtf? I enjoy the joyful aspects-of being intimate beyond the bedroom business with someone brings-I don't need them around me all the time-I don't need a man-meaning I'm self-suficient, resilient and resourceful. However as kickass independent etc I may be, I do crave the comfort of that special companionship that brings with it someone that I know I can rely on in the good or bad weather. I admit it-I'm not ashamed of it. No woman is an island-if I was I'd be Tahiti, everyone would have access to Imperial Leather and I'd bomb Paris-"Oh you don't like radiation? I'm not particularly fond of your ridiculous berets or your blowing up the fish and the reefs-we know it works have done for years!!". I'm into having a relationship with someone to explore that (the relationship-however I'm sure Tahiti would be great for us to visit) I'm not into trying to have that with anyone, as it's delusional to believe you can and it's just NOT going to work. If that's not available to me-because it's not currently in the cards/the stars/the gods' will or I'm not ready-whether it be because of my work/study commitments or because of your assertion "itsabout.." that I have unresolved feelings/issues and a rampant lovesick uber Sineadyness about me-isn't it wiser that I take a "little break"? That I am up front and don't hurt or damage someone that could offer all that wonderful stuff to someone (or even me at another time) by not purposely bringing that outcome of disappointment to them by my selfishness and irresponsibility? Why make someone suffer because of my lies? (mostly to myself that I am ready when I'm just horny, or bored/mischievous). I'm yet to meet anyone that enjoys being made to feel a fool by a fool (in love or otherwise preoccupied or malevolently motivated). You can forgive eventually-why would you NOT just avoid it in the first place? In regards to your Balinese epitaph for "unpleasant things" I'm curious how do I be thankful for something that I don't remember? I know-I've got more loaded questions than Shawcross at Nuremberg (that reminds me of something) If it all gets too much I can always join the convent-I have seen a suitable pvc ensemble I do fear if I went with this choice I could end up just like Anna (1951) I'm not altogether sure that it is possible at times to forget or remember that we are forgettable... or rather it may be because sometimes we choose to forget to remember that we probably are. Maybe it's not my fault I'm so dramatic at times-I was exposed to that water at Fontana Liri repeatedly as a child. Marcello Mastroianni (all that acclaim BAFTAs and Golden Globes) was born there... Maybe I'm destined for great things too? They do say you need to "suffer" for your art-and the more you suffer the greater the artist... Although how do I sign "that"? "You'll never do Miss-you water till the well is dry"...or so they say... The secret to my survival is... Hope springs eternal in.. NymphetamineDrm NON DIMENTICARNon dimenticarche ti ho voluto tanto benet'ho saputo amar: non dimenticar.or di questo amorun sol ricordo ti appartienenon gettarlo ancorfuori dal tuo cuor, te ne prego amor.Se ci separòse ci allontanòl'ala del destinonon ne ho colpa no,e mi sentiròsempre a te vicinoNon dimenticarche ti ho voluto tanto beneforse nel mio cuorpuoi trovare ancortanto e tanto amor.
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