F61
Would you go into a Relationship with a guy who has attempted to take his life?
September 18 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Isn't it mostly a chemical imbalance that causes people to go to that dark place in their minds where they thing the only way out is out?Keep the dopamines up and everybody is living the dream. :)HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Who knows? It might be a chemical imbalance or it could be a mental instability. I don't pretend to know anything about it Blackstilettoes. This is a really hard question, and possibly you are attracted to a similar type of person? Only you can answer that. I think I am a reasonably private person so to me someone who tells you something like that so early in the piece is just asking for sympathy or trying to pull at your heart stings. It would make me feel a little uncomfortable I think. Maybe you should run while you can. xxMeeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
I would think that telling you his history was a respectful, decent thing to do after you had told him yours. It can't be easy to open up about that kind of thing but you gave him a safe opportunity. Often, just being able to talk to someone and be heard can be the single biggest factor in preventing suicide. But I'd also imagine that in this relationship you would need to establish some clear boundaries and only you could tell where he is at in his life NOW and only you can make a judgement call on whether he would know at which stage he should seek professional help (and not necessarily yours) if he felt that way again. I don't envy your position. I hope it works out for you though, you have certainly done the hard yards on the road to happiness ... Flirty x
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RHP User
14 years ago
As you would be aware, the dynamics of the mind are incredibly complex and what creates the motivational response of suicide even more so. I will keep this short however if you would like reference material or something more in depth, please do feel free to drop a note if this seems to make sense or you want to talk about it. | The leading cause is generally clinical depression albeit the term now is regrettably overused. This is a chemical imbalance in the brain and is treatable via drugs in the SSRI category and generally with others, as depression is often complicated by other neurosis such as high levels of irrational anxiety or fear. Generally people in this category suicide and do accomplish the task...perhaps not he first time but eventually in a downward spiral. For them, it is not a "cry for help" but a reality and a way out.| The next group are categorized as sociopaths and additional referred to as ADP or DSM individuals. This group is more commonplace than you may think however is classically demonstrated by individuals who may be quite charming and intelligent, however are also as equally manipulative and in my humble opinion...extremely dangerous to engage. The will take emotional hostages and go to great lengths to do this include self-harm if necessary and often when "sprung" will resort to a suicide attempt however not complete the task. They will also suicide if they are fully caught out and there no other way to escape further disclosure. This one...is highly complex and difficult to diagnosis, and with a very dismal future. | This brings rise to the question....whilst you may have been very open in sharing your story, be very careful and aware of the disease and this personality type as showing you in advance what might happen in a failed relationship is an alarm bell. I would suggest that regardless of your history...this may have come up anyway early in the relationship. Ask questions...get answers, in fact demand them. If this person is open about it then you could consider things in that light however if the person is of the second personality type, you may be in for a number very unpleasant consequences. Here is a very extreme example...Ted Bundy was a clinical sociopath. | As for your other question, no...it is not about you unless you decide to let it be without taking a very clinical and objective view of your own feelings and emotions. | If nothing else....my very best wishes for you in your journey.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I like to (although very difficult at times) try my best to start something new being completely open and not have my past experiences with others colouring who this new person is. He isn't the same person so it isn't a given that the same thing will happen. Depression (maybe or not in this case) and attempted suicide is a red flag and cannot be ignored nor taken lightly and will most definitely take more effort on your part to reach a level of trust with him and having confidence with it compared to person who has no known illnesses/past trauma. It is hard to answer this without knowing or feeling the connection you two have for each other. But from what you wrote, firstly that you had/have the strength to have gotten through something that hard and to then not have an instant impulse to run for the hills without a second thought, especially with him being so upfront with the heavy stuff, makes me think you are open to the possibility that you might be able to handle this information, or at least are willing to try to anyway. I always follow my gut first and foremost, but you do not have all the information and probably do not know where to start, i wouldn't either. I’d seek professional advice, find a psychologist that specialises in suicide prevention and management together, they should know the best way lead the discussions to get help you to a decision point. If he isn’t willing to do that or anything like that for you then that would be an instant deal breaker for me. Any shred of trust that was initially built would vaporise instantly for me... i have no idea what either of these situations must feel like, but i am a firm believer that we are missing big chunks out of our education system and the help that is available and promoted by our health system. So many of us do not have the tools to handle some of what life throws at us nor realise that help is available. Especially with men traditionally taught not to be emotional, hide it at all costs, it is a sign of weakness bullshit bullshit. Finally mental health hasn’t as much stigma attached to it as it used to and people can see that it is in fact smart to seek guidance during difficult times etc
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' | This brings rise to the question....whilst you may have been very open in sharing your story, be very careful and aware of the disease and this personality type as showing you in advance what might happen in a failed relationship is an alarm bell. I would suggest that regardless of your history...this may have come up anyway early in the relationship. Ask questions...get answers, in fact demand them. If this person is open about it then you could consider things in that light however if the person is of the second personality type, you may be in for a number very unpleasant consequences. Here is a very extreme example...Ted Bundy was a clinical sociopath. OK - there I said it.... I will admit to not understanding depression in any way shape or form - I am always pretty happy and can't relate to being depressed. So I apologise in advance for my overly simplistic views on it. But when someone says 'Hey... here's what I did last time a relationship didn't work out for me' they aren't just showing off their scars the way you do when you say 'Hey, look.. I fell off my pink moped'. . I don't go to the zoo that often, but when I do I always notice the leopard's spots, and the fact they never change. If the way someone previously addressed problems is through self-harm, then they are more than likely going to do it again... or (more annoyingly) threaten or attempt to. . Every relationship goes through it's ups and downs, Stalky is right - all that dopamine is probably better than any anti-depressant, but have you seen what happens when someone goes off them? All relationships go through ups and downs - so you need to ask yourself - when your relationship with this person is going to go through a down (temporary or otherwise) are you going to be happy to have that gut-wrenching ''is he going to hurt himself?'' thought going through your head on top of (or clouding) all the other shit you'll be working through? My answer is no. Especially given you have been through similar. Remove sharp objects, select an area without bridges or train tracks, turn around, walk away. imo.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Terribly hard position for you to find yourself in Blackstilettoes, especially considering your past. I think asking him more about it and finding out exactly where he is 'today' with it, will perhaps put your mind at ease, or at the very least give you some warning signs. The relationship fail will not have been the actual reason for the suicide attempt, the real reason would have already been present (yes most likely depression ) and more than likely the cause of the relationship fail in the first place. It would have just been the straw that broke the camels back. Without knowing if he's actually 'dealt' with it since it's very hard to predict what can happen in the future. Has he sought counselling of any kind? Does he now have any understanding of why he ended up where he did, and any strategies for recognisining the signs and getting on top of it before it gets on top of him? That sort of thing. Only you can answer whether or not you feel the connection you have is worth pursuing it further, and putting in some hard yards emotionally. xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hey i hope your well Stilettoes..it has taken courage from you to share this..we do know you, your smile and will for fun..If you have an open communication with this guy tell him your thoughts now perhaps ? you cant go through the same thing again..and you dont want to be always wondering ..or tie him up and make him your slave !!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I agree with the above posters....some good advice in there. . You've been shown a red flag and now you have an opportunity to address it. He may only have told you of his scars because you demonstrated a certain understanding by telling your story to him. He may consider his scars to be a healthy reminder to him that life is for living.....you can't know until you talk to him more. . The last thing you want though, is to feel responsible for him.....if we break up will he harm himself? Perhaps you need to ask him that question, as blunt as it may be. . Follow your heart but use your head....and don't ignore the red flag. Best wishes :-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
One of my perants threatened suicide and I had to deal with the condition first hand. My feelings were to help him get those thoughts out of his head which he did. But in the process I lost all respect for him as a strong role model, someone to try to be like. If you have to experiance the threats of taking ones life first hand, Are you going to respect that person? History repeats itself?
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RHP User
14 years ago
While there is some good advice here from some of the posters..I would count the "Chemical Imbalance" as a load of rubbish! There are many books by many authorised people that prove the fact against Imbalances in the brain! The theory of Imbalances in the brain has never been scientifically proven..ever! < I have not been writing in the Forums lately as my Step Dad had tried to take his life 3 weeks ago and passed away 2 weeks ago in ICU as he had Motor Neurone Disease and could not cope anymore! For him...enough was enough and he had such a strong love for my mother that he did not want her to be a "slave" to him any longer! < I have been touched by suicide a few times in my life...my first being my best friend at school when we were just 15! Most of the suicides have been over losing the "greatest love" of their life! I believe it is the "Not good enough" feeling that they get from losing someone! While some people can get over a break up easily by jumping from one relationship to another and others may cry and mope around for weeks...even years...you do have the small majority that cannot take that heartbreak at all and feel that death is a better option! To them death is a better option than Rejection! < If you can, find out about his childhood....Did he feel loved? Did he feel wanted by his family? Did he have many friends at school? Does he have many friends in his life now? Did he lose many people when he was younger due to them passing over? This can all affect us in life if it is in the negative. Unfortunately your childhood can determine how you react to relationships and loss...the very reason why I have only had a handful of relationships in my life! < Are you meant to "be" with him? I am not sure about that...only you can gauge how things are between you two! Are you a "magnet" for men that are suicidal? Maybe! This may be a life lesson for you as well...You have to look if it is the "suicide" factor that keeps you hanging around him and to be his "rescuer" or maybe you are meant to cut the cycle of life where you meet these kinds of men and to meet someone you truly deserve who is happy and confident and loves themselves as much as they love life! Only you can decide if he is the one you are meant to be with! Meditate on it and listen to your inner voice...if it tells you to run...then run...truly listen to your inner self! I wish you all the luck in the world hun xox < xFunlovingx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Tough one and you are a brave lady sharing this. I understand depression, clinical and others. My own daughter has clinical depressiona nd has over time managed to learn the triggers within herself and when she needs medical intervention. I have many teenaged girls coming into my care that also have depression. I have to teach them as well. Thise that self hard tell me they do it because it makes them feel alive and I can understand that. They have lived through such trauma that the literally feel numb. Causing physical pain makes them realise they are alive. l Those that suicide dont do it to cause hurt to others although that is how it works out. They do it because the genuinely beleive that the world would be a better place without them and no one would miss them anyway. Even though those left behind deal with the guil and the fall out, you know it s not your fault and there was nothing you could do. l Clinical depression is actually caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is a recognised illness and easily treated. It is up to you to decide if you can handle the fallout if you break up further down the track and the same thing happens again. This is somewthing that only you can decide as you are the only one who knows what it took for you to get over the suicide of your 2nd husband. l Naturally you are scared and cautious and rightly so. We are all like this at the beginning of a new relationship, especially if our past ones have been traumatic for us in some way. I knew a woman who married two shearers. Both who died leaving her to raise four boys alone. She eventually married a third shearer who was fond of saying "Third time lucky" She did not give up either and 15 years on the third man is still alive. All four boys went shearing. l If he had a disease like a heart murmer would you walk away because he was gonna die anyway? Yes it is hard when a relationship breaks up, it can happen even if he does not have clinical depression or any other treatable disease. Life is but a fleeting moment in time and we all deserve some happiness no matter how long that happiness lasts for. Why turn and walk away just because........ He may get hit by a bus tomorrow, he may die in his sleep peacefully in twenty years. Grab whatever happiness you can and let tomorrow take care of itself. If we all worried about the "what if's" in life, we would never go out and meet someone, never begin a new relationship because one day the relationship may fail or the person may die. l As for you attracting a certain type. To some degree we all do that.
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RHP User
14 years ago
its a tough one to call..I recently found myself in a similar situation, he had tried twice, was quite open about it.I let myself see past it and worked on getting to know him as the man he is now..Over a very short period of time he became very controlling and fond of throwing a 'tantrum' if I was busy andnot able to see him...Red Flags were up all over the place.....so I did end it, nicely..Sorry to hear you now are in a position to have to make a decision as well based on his past behaviour.All I can say is go with your gut feeling....its usually correct.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Firstly, it is a fantastic thing that people are speaking up about this. Men in particular need to contribute to discussions like this. Too often, men's thoughts are hidden away and never spoken about and then result in suicide. I know this because all of the charity work i do revolves around men's mental health. It is not about raising money for research, etc etc. It is purely about talking, sit down, have a chat and air some of what's going on in your life. Be it good, bad or otherwise. People do not recognise the value in having a chat. This brings me to the point of the discussion. The gentleman in question is streaks ahead of many in that he's admitted his problem and history. As to what that will entail in the future, I don't know, everyone is different. I would be cautious but without letting it cloud every judgement you make.It took someone else to point out my problems to me. I did not connect the dots (in actuality, i didn't realise there were dots and I assumed everyone was like me). I try my best to maintain a minor degree of normality but I know that in my past long term relationships, 99% of the problems that occurred there were because of me. I'm speaking from a position of an outsider looking in, then giving advice. On the other hand, an insider looking out too. Whether or not this is useful to anyone, I don't know. However, for those of you who do need someone to lend an ear, my contact details are listed.
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tamworthguy46
14 years ago
This is a bit of a hard one.....Firstly.obviously you have concerns enough to post this......and fair enough, with your history of suicide......! Who realy knows the answers in relation to mental ilness........no one can predict the future......some people can recover, and some can't.....saying things like people never change....is a load of shit !...in my view......... People change all the time.....some for better and some for worse......!!! I don't know mate, maybee you are drawn to people, with certain personality traits, or certain pscoligical types !....I think your gutt is telling you ...that you are ? Everyone knows .....That recovery from any mental ilness, only comes by facing your demons......and taking a long hard look at whatever it is that is the problem.....!!! avoiding triggers and negitive thought patterns etc......... If you thiknk you are going continue seeing this guy, tell him your concerns, ask him, some what if questions ?.......ask some questions of yourself to ?.........if you think he is not being truthfull, or you think it could turn in to a destructive relationship.....?.....make the decision weather to continue, based on your gutt.......? On the other side, If he can identify what has happened in the past.....and can see a clear path in the future .....everything might be sweet......?......we all have something to learn from our life experiences, to make our future better ! Love and peace Tam
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RHP User
14 years ago
Acknowledging the problem is a massive step in finding a way to live with the issues that depression causes. And by that, I mean for both the person suffering and the person supporting.I suffered depression for many years before I was diagnosed with, and accepted, that I had a form of depression. Looking back, my symptoms started as young as 9, but I was in my 30's before I sought help. I am not going to enter into the discussion as to whether it can be caused by a chemical imbalance or not, but I was diagnosed with a form of depression that fitted that category, and I BELIEVED that and sought both holistic and chemical means in which to deal with it, and I managed to control my symptoms. The chemical tablets weren't overly pleasant and had side effects both during usage and during withdrawal. In fact, even though I haven't taken any medication for 8 years, I still think there are residual effects. In fact, my depression is probably the sole reason that I now live in Australia (and the prime reason why my first marriage of 17 years ended as she wouldn't come with me, but that's a whole other story). In my instance, I was diagnosed with a form of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder caused by a failure to produce enough serotinin. My solution was to move to sunnier climes as sunlight stimulates the productivity.I've been here 8 years. During that time I have not taken a single tablet, and apart from 2 very mild bouts, I can honestly say that I believe I have been free of the symptoms. Those 2 occasions have been enough for me to accept that I am not "cured" though, and that it is something I will always need to be conscious of.Oh...and yes, when it became clear that I was in a serious and committed relationship I made sure that my wife to be was made fully aware of my symptoms and how I had reacted in the past.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Gosh, I am very relieved to have posted now. I don't want to make anyone feel sad about my past. I have read every single word of everyones post, thank you from the depth of my heart! Before I posted, I came home after the initial shock and thought about seeking advice with a counsellor...just to null it over.. Yes yes yes I feel the need to ask questions although in a tactful and diplomatic way and timing..It is very fresh and new.. I am a person who keeps everything light and happy and jolly and want to keep that momentum although get my answers. It is about me! I was not seeking a relationship shit! Taipan you said something I wasn't game enough to say although felt and thank you for saying it for me. No I don't want to go through that again. I love how guys put a comical spin on things, tie him up and make him my slave, well that's what I am looking for on RHP, gosh Taipan now I know what I am looking for lol... Thank you for the raw advice from everyone. Thanks Stalky, I had to google that word/medication..Hope he is on it! and let him live the dream. I don't want to sabotage something that has just begun or has it? I don't know, I go with the flow and what matters right now is all that matters. I understand, certain act are the result of triggers. Some of us learn to deal with the triggers. Funloving, yes I am going to find out about his childhood, great advice. My ex was left by his Mum at 1yo..left with his pop, he worked, my ex was one of seven ffs. Totally mixed up most of his life although was the love of my life and noone will replace him. Funloving I am very sad to hear of your news and I thank you for taking the time out to reply to my post. You know I hold you very dear. I totally get it about your Step dad.. I met a brilliant, magical guy in Bali recently who is a full time carer for his wife, (my age) in a wheelchair who has a brain of a 10yo... People don't want to see their loved ones see them suffer and loved ones don't want to see others suffer. It's a big call. Tamworth boy! Thank you! People can change if its within and strength. People grow from experiences..Well that's where I stand. I would never have noticed the said scars, wtf open your eyes Shoe girl, that's what I said to myself last night, amongst the shock of the reality. He seems to be a good talker at the moment and he said honesty is the best policy. I get that and I do like an expressive communicative human. It is a self check absolutely but I am over my shit and the guilt, the burdon I felt for years. I am the happiest go lucky, lets get naked kinda girl and bang this has hit me for six.. It's way to early for decision time and if he feels as open as he has displayed, he won't mind talking more about what has happened. I am not the analysing type, I like to keep things light and happy and fun.. xxx Yes I listen to my gut and head, then a big f*ck off key needs to unlock my heart. Again thank you! xxx Again thank you from the depth of my heart.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' While there is some good advice here from some of the posters..I would count the "Chemical Imbalance" as a load of rubbish! There are many books by many authorised people that prove the fact against Imbalances in the brain! The theory of Imbalances in the brain has never been scientifically proven..ever! You might want to share these books with people who suffer from Schizophrenia (which means the splitting of psychic functions) and other mental illnesses such as the 5 main Depressive states (Mood disorders, bipolar affective disorder, unipolar, reactive depression and endogenous depression).....all those peer reviewed studies that get published in National Institute of Psychiatry and Neurology, Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, American Journal of Psychiatry, etc for the past.....oh geeee.....about 50 years......maybe they have all been making up the results of their studies just so people could coin a phrase.....yes perhaps they were wrong in concluding that the increased dopamine levels in schizophrenics was a chemical imbalance........not to mention the links between glutamate and serotonin.......oh and those brain scans showing enlarged ventricles in a Schizophrenic's brain must have been PhotoShopped!!!!!!!!! Hell......I may as well throw away my Psych degree now.......Sorry Fun......you know I agree with you on a lot of things but felt I had to reply to your post!!!As for the OP.........oh wait....I forgot what was the question???
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RHP User
14 years ago
Message me both of your dates of birth and I'll do a reading for you if you like....
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have only said that because depression is often clinically treated with... guess what.... chemicals.... which kind of .. is... scientifically ... proven.... either way you poke it.HugsStalky Quoting 'xFunlovingx' While there is some good advice here from some of the posters..I would count the "Chemical Imbalance" as a load of rubbish! There are many books by many authorised people that prove the fact against Imbalances in the brain! The theory of Imbalances in the brain has never been scientifically proven..ever! <
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'stalky'I have only said that because depression is often clinically treated with... guess what.... chemicals.... which kind of .. is... scientifically ... proven.... either way you poke it.HugsStalky Quoting 'xFunlovingx' While there is some good advice here from some of the posters..I would count the "Chemical Imbalance" as a load of rubbish! There are many books by many authorised people that prove the fact against Imbalances in the brain! The theory of Imbalances in the brain has never been scientifically proven..ever! <
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RHP User
14 years ago
Tough one Blackstilettoes.. Hey i hope your well Stilettoes..it has taken courage from you to share this..we do know you, your smile and will for fun..If you have an open communication with this guy tell him your thoughts now perhaps ? you cant go through the same thing again..and you dont want to be always wondering ..or tie him up and make him your slave !! Email: Not Listed Phone: Not Listed Let's see how we go.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks, The_Millf, what you said makes a lot of sense to me too. Unfortunately there were a lot of open tags in the comment you quoted and posted. I think it's fixed now....I've read a few books by published authors on this internet junk and some even authorized by Micro themselves. | We now return you to the forums.
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RHP User
14 years ago
....on with the show.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'SacralChakra' Message me both of your dates of birth and I'll do a reading for you if you like....
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have depression. I have had it since I was a teenager. The side effects of the antidepressant medications are worse than the illness for me so I don't take them. I can assure funloving that it is a chemical imbalance. Why else would I feel depressed when my life is fantastic right now? I recognise these irrational, depressive thoughts for what they are and get on with it. I appreciate what I have and take nothing good for granted. I love my life and want to keep loving it for a long time so I refuse to be beaten by chemical imbalances, hormones or anyone or anything else that wants to fuck it up.Your friend is still here and that is a positive thing. Please don't assume that all of us want to try to leave again but I understand if you do. He has been brave enough to reveal something most guys would keep hidden so you obviously have his trust. Are you brave enough to trust him, though? Or are there still some unresolved issues from your previous experience? Do you like him enough to risk it? If so, my advice is to sit down with him and be honest with him about your feelings. Lack of communication leads to so many misunderstandings. By getting it out in the open you may find it easier to see the path ahead. Good luck.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'SacralChakra' Message me both of your dates of birth and I'll do a reading for you if you like....Or tell me where you last parked your car and I'll read the oil-stain it left.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Your friend is still here and that is a positive thing. Please don't assume that all of us want to try to leave again but I understand if you do. He has been brave enough to reveal something most guys would keep hidden so you obviously have his trust. Are you brave enough to trust him, though? Or are there still some unresolved issues from your previous experience? Do you like him enough to risk it? If so, my advice is to sit down with him and be honest with him about your feelings. Lack of communication leads to so many misunderstandings. By getting it out in the open you may find it easier to see the path ahead. Good luck. Dear MistressT thank you for sharing your story and giving some great advice! Yes he is still here and I hope he lives the dream...whether I become a part of his life or him mine, it is still unknown and I am in no rush, with anyone! If he didnt have this history, I would be acting the same. Absolutely agree about the communication. I know I haven't any unresolved issues about my past and I feel we are both being open so early in the peace and I think we both feel it is important to be upfront. Thank you MistressT xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT'I have depression. I have had it since I was a teenager. The side effects of the antidepressant medications are worse than the illness for me so I don't take them. I can assure funloving that it is a chemical imbalance. Why else would I feel depressed when my life is fantastic right now? I recognise these irrational, depressive thoughts for what they are and get on with it. I appreciate what I have and take nothing good for granted. I love my life and want to keep loving it for a long time so I refuse to be beaten by chemical imbalances, hormones or anyone or anything else that wants to fuck it up. Your friend is still here and that is a positive thing. Please don't assume that all of us want to try to leave again but I understand if you do. He has been brave enough to reveal something most guys would keep hidden so you obviously have his trust. Are you brave enough to trust him, though? Or are there still some unresolved issues from your previous experience? Do you like him enough to risk it? If so, my advice is to sit down with him and be honest with him about your feelings. Lack of communication leads to so many misunderstandings. By getting it out in the open you may find it easier to see the path ahead. Good luck. you love your life and are clever and strong enough to push it to the side and sholdier on! How do you do it? Is it will power, like you just ignore the downs as you know they'll bugger off? Or do you think that playing a mistress and taking charge of others, ie. you pretend to be a character, has helped pull you out of the times your brain does the dirty on you and you are firm to yourself to try to like refocus or busy yourself till your dark cloud lifts? I am facinated with regards to how you do it? I have a friend (starting from teenager too) that turns into a different unfocused crazy hyper version of herself on meds, so she tries to stay off them, but that always eventually leads back to that downward spiral...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Are you a rescuer mum? Isn't it mostly a chemical imbalance that causes people to go to that dark place in their minds where they thing the only way out is out?Keep the dopamines up and everybody is living the dream. :)HugsStalky Email: Not Listed Phone: Not Listed I'll have to shoot you a PM as I would be interested to know if the medication was in the MAO category that worked by interfering at an enzyme level (that one is harsh...effective but also contraindicated with a lot of other medications both prescription and OTC) or the SSRI category that works at a neuro-motor level between the synapses receptors. The latter is a bit of a climb on or off but rarely has side effects whilst doses are maintained. Yes, very definitely caused by chemical imbalances or situational modification therapy would be highly effective...but it's not. I recall the introduction of Prozac for treating "the blues" but that's a whole different topic. | Catch you soon......
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RHP User
14 years ago
Really...it is.
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RHP User
14 years ago
have been where he was, went totally off the rails, outside intervention came about 30 minutes before it was a done deal. 6 months later, im nowhere near that dark place, and if i go back there it is because of something in me, not somebody else.
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RHP User
14 years ago
have been where he was, went totally off the rails, outside intervention came about 30 minutes before it was a done deal. 6 months later, im nowhere near that dark place, and if i go back there it is because of something in me, not somebody else.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' At Listed I'll have to shoot you a PM...erm.... that wasn't a PM
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hey, you've seen how I have answered questions and other stuff here? | Quoting 'Jean_Girard'erm.... that wasn't a PM I was just letting her know that it may take a while for the PM to download. Was it politically incorrect to mention shooting a PM....I saw the sex tape this morning on TV and think it's open season. | I need to check the rules and regs and if there's a season on 'em.
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RHP User
14 years ago
It is fairly normal for most people to at least think of suicide during difficult times in their life, but thinking is usually as far as it goes. To actually attempt it is another story. I know many people with depression, a dreadful condition that is still not fully understood even by many in the medical profession.The fact someone has depression does not make them less of a person or less of a friend but they may not be easy to be in a relationship with, depending on the exact nature of the illness. My 2c worth to you would be to keep this person as a friend only and not to take it beyond that, especially if you have a bad past experience of your own.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well said JG, Giving is always better than taking... seems like ur doing ur bit for man kind... good luck with your work.. Mr JJ
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RHP User
14 years ago
apparently you wouldn't know it consciously but subconsciously if you were brought up in a way that you played a rescuer role in your family upbringing or have somehow "hidden" your grief for your past deep in2 your mind.You actually attract these sort of guys because your are looking for them unknowingly
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'BoobaliciousFG' you love your life and are clever and strong enough to push it to the side and sholdier on! How do you do it? Is it will power, like you just ignore the downs as you know they'll bugger off? Or do you think that playing a mistress and taking charge of others, ie. you pretend to be a character, has helped pull you out of the times your brain does the dirty on you and you are firm to yourself to try to like refocus or busy yourself till your dark cloud lifts? I am facinated with regards to how you do it? I have a friend (starting from teenager too) that turns into a different unfocused crazy hyper version of herself on meds, so she tries to stay off them, but that always eventually leads back to that downward spiral... I do it by keeping a level head, using commonsense and discarding irrational thought. Having a wicked sense of humour is a help. I enjoy the up days and just ride the down days because I know that sooner or later things will peak again. I only do things to please myself but having said that, I also derive pleasure from making others happy. I also know that others have it worse than I do so having an appreciation for what and who I have in my life is very uplifting. Negative people are kindly and gently dropped and anyone trying to involve me in their idiotic dramas is advised to find someone else. The only opinions I care about are from the people that I respect and care about. Having depression doesn't mean that I walk around all the time being sad. I am happy and enjoy life but there are times when things are fantastic but I can't feel good about it. There is no reason at all why this should happen, it just does. Whether it is a chemical imbalance, hormones or some weird cycle I have no idea. Maybe the neurons in my brain misfunction or perhaps it was just something I ate. One day the lab guys will work it out, I'm sure.Your friend sounds like she is suffering from bi-polar disorder (it used to be called manic depression). If her medication isn't keeping her stable then she should go back to her doctor or get a referral to a specialist. Untreated bi-polar is not a good thing. I have become hypersensitive to antidepressant medication so the side effects are waaaay over the top, even on the lowest dose. My being a Mistress has nothing to do with my depression.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'BlackStilettoes' Your friend is still here and that is a positive thing. Please don't assume that all of us want to try to leave again but I understand if you do. He has been brave enough to reveal something most guys would keep hidden so you obviously have his trust. Are you brave enough to trust him, though? Or are there still some unresolved issues from your previous experience? Do you like him enough to risk it? If so, my advice is to sit down with him and be honest with him about your feelings. Lack of communication leads to so many misunderstandings. By getting it out in the open you may find it easier to see the path ahead. Good luck. Dear MistressT thank you for sharing your story and giving some great advice! Yes he is still here and I hope he lives the dream...whether I become a part of his life or him mine, it is still unknown and I am in no rush, with anyone! If he didnt have this history, I would be acting the same. Absolutely agree about the communication. I know I haven't any unresolved issues about my past and I feel we are both being open so early in the peace and I think we both feel it is important to be upfront. Thank you MistressT xxx I hope it helped.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' Are you a rescuer mum? Isn't it mostly a chemical imbalance that causes people to go to that dark place in their minds where they thing the only way out is out?Keep the dopamines up and everybody is living the dream. :)HugsStalky Email: Not Listed Phone: Not Listed I'll have to shoot you a PM as I would be interested to know if the medication was in the MAO category that worked by interfering at an enzyme level (that one is harsh...effective but also contraindicated with a lot of other medications both prescription and OTC) or the SSRI category that works at a neuro-motor level between the synapses receptors. The latter is a bit of a climb on or off but rarely has side effects whilst doses are maintained. Yes, very definitely caused by chemical imbalances or situational modification therapy would be highly effective...but it's not. I recall the introduction of Prozac for treating "the blues" but that's a whole different topic. | Catch you soon...... Shoot me by all means, but be careful what weaponry you use. To paraphrase - the keyboard is mightier than the gun!
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RHP User
14 years ago
...to paraphrase another great song, "Ya ain't seen nothin'yet"
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RHP User
14 years ago
Im sorry. But im going through a stressful time at the moment as well. I have contamplated it as well. But ive decided to get my head round it. Im looking to the future. I would be be moving on from anyone like that Sorry.
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RHP User
14 years ago
My new Pick up line is " Do you or have you ever suffered from any form of mental illness?" My ex has been on the depression roler coaster for last 10 years caused us a few probs most recently she went chasing the good feeling you get from new attraction and told me she was leaving to be with new man, then the minute I try to move on with my life have some fun with new girl she flips out cuts up all my cloths, scratches my car and has a complete melt down now im on suicide watch with her! me I plan on staying away from anymore head cases in the future!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Not sure I agree with the "rescuer" tag, lots of people think about sucide at some point in their lives for all manner of reasons. Some do even attempt it, however BlackStilettoes you say it was a number of years ago & perhaps he simply didnt have the maturity or life skills to deal with the divorce. People change, grow & evolve. If theres been no other attempts I'd say it was just a momentary lapse of sanity (again something we have all done in varying degrees) Just my 3 cents worthCheersC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi BlackI'm sorry for your dilemma Black, it must be difficult to find yourself with feelings for a man who is capable of suicide. For myself, having grown up with a parent who suffered mental health problems all her life, I could not contemplate it. I would be running a mile in any other direction but towards him. It is however, an entirely personal decision and I know many happy couples (for the most part) where one is beset with mental health issues (and in some instances - tried to suicide). They have other factors which make sticking together desirable and mutually fulfilling. The fact that you have asked this question on the forum means the alarm bells are ringing. I know when I am torn, asking opinions - such as you have done helps me to consider all the options..I then go on to write down the pluses and negatives on a piece of paper (it's cathartic too). Once I have it written down, often times, the correct path for me becomes apparent. If not, I talk to a professional counseller. If answers are still not clear. Stick to the old adage - if in doubt, don't do it.I really wish you well, happiness doesn't always come in the wrapping paper we expect, or even from the gifts that appear most beautiful. Sometimes they are bent, misshapen, odd, but still capable of giving joy and love. Only you have the power of acceptance pursuant to your own strengths, vulnerabilities and past experiences.xxCrackUp
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RHP User
14 years ago
move on
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RHP User
14 years ago
Move on ... Practice happiness til it becomes a habit. Replace all negatives with a positive then laugh at it.. It does work if you allow it... Dont allow negative people to pollute your mind with their hangups.. If necessary move on from them.. Its your life, take charge.. Mr JJ
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well thanks again everyone...We have caught up again and some weird moments have arisen, like he is so eager to please.. Confused...I suppose if a person is confused..time to move on..Perhaps he is too cautious perhaps I am too cautious wtf.. Haven't even come close to shagging geezus..I don't know.. He is very old fashioned and have found out more about his childhood..No weirdness there.. Sometimes weird is good and different. Heck I may be weird to some. Sixes and Sevens, surely it shouldn't be like this... He is a part time music man also and expresses himself this way which is amazing in a good, confident way. I love music and dancing around like an idiot...he lets me lol.. Justjuice, I love happiness and ooze happiness and will not put up with negativity.. I suppose I am overquestionning everything. Haven't been rattled in a very long time. It is my life and questionning whether I want to be tied down or committed, perhaps I have been on my own for too long and enjoying my life independantly. Thanks Crackup yes great idea, I have done the same in the past it's called PMI's Plus, Minuses and Inbetweens.. I think I want my little simple life back although I want to make sure I let go for the right reasons... xxxx ps also thank you to all the private messages I have received..bless!
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RHP User
14 years ago
He might just be eager to please because he REALLY thinks your special and is worried that sharing such a personal and "heavy" thing might chase you away. Maybe just approach carefully and cautiously and see? Don't know, it's all only a choice you can make. You are a darling and very special lady and i would hate to see you miss out on a chance at something special, i would also hate to see you hurt so badly again. But you're strong and you have survived thus far, not only survived but thrived. I guess one of the main questions is "is it/he/this worth taking a chance over?" When you know the answer to that question it will all probably be clearer for you. xxxxxxxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sorry can't quote, keep gettn a server error?! Thank you so much for your reply (sorry if this isn't a direct thread post. Plus I haven't checked in since that day, so very late reply ) I love these forums, such honest and open real advice, it means a lot. What you wrote is very helpful, thank you so much for taking the time (BTW I seriously only mentioned your job from the point of view that it may assist with silo-ing your mind/reactions to thoughts/feelings, so to speak?! I hope it didn't read out of context as anything else..? bloody lack of articulation!) So love your guts (in more way than one )
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RHP User
14 years ago
there must be a reason as to why you have met and fallen for a a guy like this......If you cannot figure it or dont know what you could have done different last time... this maybe your time now...Think it out in your mind and follow your heart.... hope for the best!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks Frisky Yes totally agree, meet people for a reason.. Certain things didn't ring right, in my head. Apart from the history, quite simply it didn't feel right. xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Decide, insecticide, suicide... Three similar words different in meaning that can be thought of as 'Right or Wrong' depending on your view point. Though one of them is illegal for some reason? . But who are we to judge another souls journey? . As for attracting this dynamic, there could be a pattern emerging? I'm not sure there's sufficient occurrence to assume there will be a pattern in the end. Focus on the present as this is where we are. Remember that worry is fear magnified. And fear is who you are not. You are love.
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MiissB
14 years ago
Admitadly i didnt make it all the way through reading everyone's thoughts on what is the right thing to do in this situation but can I say that I think you should scroll back up to D_G_T's reply and have a good read through it once again. I think that she spot on hits whats important here and that is that there are more then likely far far more underlying issue's then just a marraige break up, that may have been his trigger to attempt to take his own life but beside's the life of being married you are talking about someone who also had a life as part of his own family, who also had a life of friends, aquantances etc etc there was more to his life then just a marraige and granted taking that away from him may have caused him heartache etc but given that there are so many other elements of our lives I find it truly unlikely that the marriage breakdown was the cause, it is plausable that it may have been the trigger. I think if you have feelings for this person that the only way to do it is address the problems head on (possibly by the sounds of things this gentleman has never done that, possibly this played a part in his marriage breaking down by not being able to communicate) there are so many whats, ifs and buts, but at the end of the day it is you who has to make the decision. With what you have been through I believe gives you the right to question every element of this man and if he is stable and decent he whould recongnize where you are coming from in asking questions and delving into his core, if he doesnt well then I think you have your answer. The only other angle I personally would try to look at would be the possible meeting of a family member of his or a close friend of his, just be gental in how you word things with them but they will undoubtedly give you a little insight into the day to day core of this man and how he steps his way through life. I am sorry if i have in anyway sounded as thou Im preaching to you, I hope he turns out ok as it seems that he up until this point put a smile on your face and some sunshine in your day and thats what life should be about happiness n good times (o n some fun play times lol) I also lost my husband to suicide only a few years ago, he did not seem depressed at all in actual fact he appeared to have more friends then anyone else I knew, he was the life of every party, his nickname was Mr Happy! But guess what? underneath it all he was a lonely lonely person with lots of emotional tourmoil, now in hind sight it was so black and white and I would hope that if the signs where ever there again with another person I would have that intuition that told me so, I will punish myself everyday that I am alive for not seeing him disappear into that dark place and not being there to help him but as time has passed I have learnt that not 1 individual (including myself) can be held responsible for someone else's actions and my way of dealing with this stuff these days is simply to accept that shit happens, we can dwell on it and be unhappy for however long we choose to but in the scheme of things if we cant deal with it and let it go, simple, accept it has happened, shelve it or file it and get on with doing what makes you happy, if he makes you happy in the here and now well.............. All the best MissBobsy xx
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