M44
Women who arnt true to themselves
October 27 2013
Comments
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Loads of men do this as well. Bisexual men, guys that like extreme kinks but they still go for the good vanilla girl because that is who you are opposed to settle down with. It's fucked up. I totally agree.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
By my counting.... thats three back pats. Nice job lol But I agree with the sentiments nonetheless. DG
-
RHP User
12 years ago
It goes for people in general, not just women. We're often afraid to talk about sex because of the stigma and shame we've heaped upon it, and because of that the average person will disagree that compatible sexuality is one of the most important factors in a relationship. As a society we joke about celibacy in marriage (check any "by the numbers" sitcom trash) or marginalize it's significance, and we are all suffering because of it.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Well said! 100 per cent agree! And we wonder why so many marriages fail! Pusscat xxx
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Freudian slip. Opposed should say supposed. :p
-
madotara69
12 years ago
That thought is one of the best I have read for a while. Good topic that will no doubt turn into a good discussion for quite some time.MadoMado, Tara xx
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Whilst I agree, I have yet to find a kinky guy who is also boyfriend material.....have been dating someone off here for months but because of his other commitments, it's VERY infrequent.I don't think it's the girls faults at all, its just incredibly hard to find a decent, mature, productive, romantic, sweet guy, who also likes to get away from the vanilla side of things!
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Men are just as guilty of it as girls. If you want a REAL relationship you have to drop the mask and be REAL! .......so simple to say and yet many seem to find that level of honesty and vulnerability hard to do- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
You've just impressed me!!Absolutely agree in a wayI just have to ask...Why these women are talking to you about this stuff for and not their partners???I mean you're just their FWB aren't you...not their psychologist or sex therapists.I hope you are not encouraging it.So Coops is any of these women your soul mate or mates?FOXY
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Ive often wondered this myself. And it is true for both men and women. One of my best mates who such a deviant (almost as bad as me) , married this religious nutter who I just hated to death. It pretty much ruined out friendship at the time also. Ofcourse there divorced with kids now and its a total mess. but I still ask him . Why the fuck did you marry that crazy churchie bitch lol . all he says is yeh I know I know.. Now his more himself and back to being a deviant , but. He still likes really straight women who are obviously very anti everything sex that he likes ???? Why go for women like that ?just don't get it lol
-
RHP User
12 years ago
It's called being selfish that is why your mate goes for straight laced gals.He likes the pursue and to mold them into what kinks he likes...and then it falls to shit when it does not happen.He does not care about their kinks...if he did he would ask them and be able to talk openly and honestly to them.Foxy
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Don't we all talk to and ask advice from very close friends and FWB's about our sex life? To me that's perfectly normal behaviour. Coops, you should encourage them because they won't talk to anyone otherwise. Some people are in denial or don't want to be kinky and don't like that side of themselves. Coops correct me if I am wrong but lots of guys think it's just a phase they are going through and once they get married & settle down they won't need the kink anymore. It's a big mistake! It's the fairy tale that doesn't exist.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I think you are misunderstanding the question. GC's friend denied his sexuality and kinks... Not that he was corrupting innocents. So he tried to be what the wife wanted, same as Coops friend, but in the end it doesn't work because they are trying to squash an elemental part of themselves. They are tying to be vanilla because they love this person and want to make things work. Of course everyone is different but If you think that is selfish behaviour well I totally disagree with you.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Really? Interesting. I wonder if women are kinkier than men most of the time? Nah, that can't be true.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Interesting isn't it??I do understand the question. :)Foxy
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'ding26' Whilst I agree, I have yet to find a kinky guy who is also boyfriend material.....have been dating someone off here for months but because of his other commitments, it's VERY infrequent.I don't think it's the girls faults at all, its just incredibly hard to find a decent, mature, productive, romantic, sweet guy, who also likes to get away from the vanilla side of things! I too agree with the OP's sentiment, and I myself have worked out that I simply won't be able to enter into another long term relationship with someone who isn't sexually compatible (when / if I do want another relationship). But 'sexually compatible' for me, now means someone willing to experiment and go well outside the 'vanilla' world of sex. And as ding pointed out, finding a guy who is long term relationship material is difficult enough; when you add the kinky requirement, it can almost turn into Mission Impossible. Particularly so if you live in a smaller, more conservative town or city and can't travel regularly to the capitals. Whilst I have accepted the fact that I might never get married (not even sure if I want to), and have also decided that I almost certainly don't want children, the fact is that most women still do want those things and they are often willing to overlook certain areas of incompatibility in order to get them. And that goes for men as well. I think for many people - at least when they are trying to find that person to marry and have kids with - it comes down to a trade-off. It's rare that someone will find a person that has *all* of the qualities they are looking for, so they compromise. And for many, sexual compatibility is one of the first things to be compromised, with some finding out later on that it was a compromise they actually can't live with. Also, as has been pointed out above, our society in general does not view sexual compatibility as being important and discussion of sex and sexuality is not encouraged. Sure we talk about it openly on these forums, and we see it as important, but we are the minority. Most are too afraid to talk about it, particularly if they're into anything outside the 'norm', for fear of being judged or ridiculed. Women in particular can be afraid of even admitting that they like sex, out of fear of being labelled a slut, let alone admitting that they like group sex, or sex with bisexual men, or fucking guys up the arse with a strapon, or whatever. And to anyone who would dispute that happens, believe me it does. There are still some very fucked up attitudes and themes in our society when it comes to women and sex. I would be interested to know these women's underlying reasons for entering into relationships with guys that they know won't satisfy them sexually. I'd be willing to bet there's some interesting stories there.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I see it time and time again with men & women settling with a partner that is not aware of their sexual side.I dont know why.Is it that some people just need to be in a relationship?Are they afraid to truely express themself?There is a lot of talk over the forums about open honest communication but it appears that many find thishard to do.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY'It's called being selfish that is why your mate goes for straight laced gals.He likes the pursue and to mold them into what kinks he likes...and then it falls to shit when it does not happen.He does not care about their kinks...if he did he would ask them and be able to talk openly and honestly to them.FoxyYeh some of that is there. but I think he was just horny and she was really pretty so he thought yeh she will do , we'll work the rest out later..The thing with us guys is we don't think much past our dicks..If shes pretty then that's good enough. Sometimes we have look abit further lol see what will be good for our dick in the future as well lol
-
RHP User
12 years ago
True for men and women. I think many of us have settled for some imagined ideal just to be frustrated down the track. I have been guilty of that and it is certainly one of the reasons why I am single now. Having said that... many women I have dated have started out being sexually outgoing and have showed great promise of things to come. Only to become more conservative as time goes on, despite discussions and encouragement. It is just plain hard to find a partner who will live up to your expectations long term in a relationship without at least some sort of compromise by one or both people involved.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Those are kinks? Aww I thought that was just normal. You know some people have quite dark kinks, things others view as disgusting, or totally perverted, and once you tell someone about it. You can never untell them. The way you view a person can totally change just by learning about one particular kink.... Like it defines them or something.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Yes. They are afraid, sometimes with good reason.
-
twowithnolimits
12 years ago
Spot on Coops, i can think of four women who are just as you described....Whilst i agree with most of the observations above i have one more to make.... we(you and me) get the calls because kink accepting girls may be on the high end of sexually charged and open females, thus when they need a fix which they have been previously getting in a relationship their thoughts turn to who can they call for an NSA no bull play, with a minimal chance of it becoming entangled, well the male hornbag who is NOT desperate of course....sure there are pub pick ups but will they be compatible, will they still be there in the morning slow to leave, will they immediately fall in love...??Hides behind cover now......
-
Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I agree with coop14 100% - we have seen it n heard it heaps! Great topic x- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
And somewhat ashamed to say, am guilty of what you are saying.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
When you love someone, you completely overlook any differences in sexual kinks. I am sorry but it is true! Sex is only a small part of a relationship and trust me..... when you love someone deeply enough, a very very small part. Personally I would be happy to go without sex all together if it meant I could spend every night in the arms of a man I love completely. The depth of love you can feel will surpass any and all differences and yes it can work. You don't suppress your kinks at all, they just become less important. How do I know this? Because I have been lucky enough to have loved like this.... twice..... and it was NOT sexual differences the tore us apart. The idea that you must share all interests is ludicrous and rarely possible.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
AmenI told my ex-gf the very first time we had sex together that I fantasized MFF, MFM, etc. Probably a selfish move or being greedy- but we never fight about it and we were more open about our sexual lives. We never tried it, but the honesty builds trust.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Those same women exist everywhere.....yet they would be the first whingers that claim men aren't honest..... I say fuck em all :). Too many headaches- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
In the beginning there was public sex.. 3 some in public, erotic spa parties, Swing parties.Life was amazingly good.Gradually over time your partner lost interest in the wild and kinky side that, had it not been there, you would not have been interested in the first place.However, by the time it disappeared, life is so intertwined with kids mortgage, and serious commitment.Yet you don't want to go.. but its not what you signed up for.At what point was true to yourself? then or now? For me it was in the beginning, I'm still just as twisted. thoughts?
-
BrightBubbly
12 years ago
I couldn't do it either...I spent too long in a boring sexless marriage and I could never go back to that now.I have a FB who is prepared to sacrifice that side of himself to get back with his ex so he can have his family back. I applaud him the effort but I couldn't be that disloyal to myself ever again.I do agree though, it is hard to find a guy that is long term partner material that honours my sexual side as well. I won't be keeping any secrets and if I find someone that I love they have to love that side of me as well.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
well said Coops14Oh how many I have chatted/met on here that are like that.Ive always said its easy for one to hide behind the screen and comment when their themselves are like that.I totally believe in being up front, honest and respectable. If you want more, just ask...but dont be afraid to hear an answer you dont like.Communication is the key, people dwell too much from picking on differences between the two sexes psychologically, you can be from Mars or Venus, communication is universal....unless you are too self absorbed to see or read the signs.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Sexless marriages are different than having different kinks. It is considered that oral and anal sex are no longer kinks so we are talking much kinkier than that. Not wanting sex is a libido problem..... not kinks. I am not clever enough, or motivated enough, to calculate out the odds of finding someone with the same kinks and then managing to fall in love with them..... Outside the bedroom!- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Coops,if they did all indeed find a fellow kinkster,doesn't mean they still wouldn't be back to sapiosexual you....perhaps it is just an excuse
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Interesting.........just split some wine! FOXY
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe those midnight texts saying I'm single, come on over - do this, do that...may have to stop??Taking on too much?Burning candle both ends??May need more than a panadol for you head (which head)??FOXY
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Handmaiden' Sexless marriages are different than having different kinks. It is considered that oral and anal sex are no longer kinks so we are talking much kinkier than that. Not wanting sex is a libido problem..... not kinks. I am not clever enough, or motivated enough, to calculate out the odds of finding someone with the same kinks and then managing to fall in love with them..... Outside the bedroom!- Posted from rhpmobile Absolutely. But I think Coops is talking more about people not feeling confident enough to even tell prospective partners about their kinks let alone try to find someone who is interested in similar kinks. Hell.... once they do fall deeply in love as you mention above HM.... it's probably too late by then. Maybe it isn't all the kinky persons fault either.... how about these churchie types or very straight laced people who obviously don't provide the right environment for their partner to fess up should take some responsibility. Don't you all feel that sometimes they may be to blame as well?As for CG comment about his friend being horny that is why he got married. Seriously? Please tell me you said that tongue in cheek because that is so bloody lame. Seriously! But then again people who bargain sex for marriage, which I suppose is some churchie types, are totally to blame for that. What do they expect really.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Well I am sure she has found a soul mate in you............ but you are already married! LOL. I hope your friend finds happiness, because we all deserve that.
-
madotara69
12 years ago
Is there a test for that?
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, she says that many times.... I can say out of all the women I have met, two would come close to being born for me and I for them in terms if compatability and deep connection - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Handmaiden' When you love someone, you completely overlook any differences in sexual kinks. I am sorry but it is true! Sex is only a small part of a relationship and trust me..... when you love someone deeply enough, a very very small part. Personally I would be happy to go without sex all together if it meant I could spend every night in the arms of a man I love completely. The depth of love you can feel will surpass any and all differences and yes it can work. You don't suppress your kinks at all, they just become less important. How do I know this? Because I have been lucky enough to have loved like this.... twice..... and it was NOT sexual differences the tore us apart. The idea that you must share all interests is ludicrous and rarely possible.- Posted from rhpmobile If its a hobby - Let say I like sky diving and she is afraid of heights then yeah on a weekend I can go out and do a jump and get my fix of whatever hobby that is. Without my partner who has the fear of heights. In a sexual side of the relationship if I am into something kink but my partner is not and has expressed their wishes they are not into that and don't want to participate in performing that kink then what are the choices ???1) Accept it and live without it - perhaps ... perhaps not2 ) Have an open relationship where you have the freedom to try things outside of the relationship3) Do it anyway / cheat with someone who does4) Leave the relationship3) Well for me 3 is out of the question as is not something I would entertain2) what if he/she doesn't agree with having an open relationship ??Does that just leave option 1 and 4 ??? That may work for some people but not for others !!! W.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
The relationship is not domed.There is only one choice - compromise.If there is not compromise then both parties will be unhappy.The long run...that leather studded elephant is not going to go away.Maybe try professional help?FOXY
-
RHP User
12 years ago
I guess Im in somewhat the same position as Coops. The majority of my FWB are men and women who, if they're honest with themselves, find most of their satisfaction in kink yet they choose partners for romantic relationships who are completely unsuited to them sexually... and they're on a merry-go-round when said relationship inevitably fails and I get the wistful late night texts. Guess Im only kink material :)
-
RHP User
12 years ago
When will people realise that their partner should be their best friend 😉 willing and capable of indulging all their wicked naughty fantasies . Standing beside them encouraging them to just go for it 😃- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
That both men and women do this to achieve one thing......ACCEPTANCE. Feeling accepted is in my view is different from being accepted. Now I've just had a brain fart and lost the rest of my thoughts while typing this response....but I'm sure I'll come back later to elaborate :)- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
It's when people like us meet, and click, our world would be turned upside down Amin an out of control whirlwind of lust, passion, love and kink that won't ever stop hahahah two true kinksters coming together, rocking on until we are old and grey lol in te mean time, late night rebound fuck feasts lol - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
And now, after reading your profile!!!! Wow... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Heh... Thanks Coops... I may have read yours a time or two as well.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
that some women still feel about expressing their sexuality is just plain tragic....the views of family,the Church,friends and cultural constraints all conspire against them.The pressure on women in their late twenties-early thirties can be enormous to partner up,have a family and lead a conventional life....to be able to find a like minded man for most women who are single Coops,is a little like searching in that proverbial haystack....I think the word is conflicted that describes this state of being.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' that some women still feel about expressing their sexuality is just plain tragic....the views of family,the Church,friends and cultural constraints all conspire against them.The pressure on women in their late twenties-early thirties can be enormous to partner up,have a family and lead a conventional life....to be able to find a like minded man for most women who are single Coops,is a little like searching in that proverbial haystack....I think the word is conflicted that describes this state of being. Very much agree with you there Freya. Both men and women are pressured by so many outside influences (and a whole bunch being not for the better) on how they should look, act and feel. Not only that the are pressures from being in family relationship as well and that is such a tragic shame.Especially all these influences makes that assumption that people are not allowed to change their views over time so while at the beginning of a relationship they felt and acted a certain way they feel like they are forced slowly over time to be someone their not. Almost trapped !!!. Communicating this to a partner especially when in a long term relationship can be so daunting in fear of what the other person may say or react. In the end I think unless you are true to yourself how can you be the best and happiest person you can be. If your not happy in yourself how can you be a happy wife/husband/partner/mother/father etc.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'coops14' And now, after reading your profile!!!! Wow... - Posted from rhpmobile i know i just read her profile too...wow..very cool..:)
-
RHP User
12 years ago
...Men are the problem. If the man can be a clearing (open book if you like) for a woman instead of being paranoid or jealous or down-putting or or or....Trouble is, most men are not available in this capacity.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Most men are vanilla and most men believe in the fairy tale more than the women do... They think they should only settle with a good girl/princess. And, as has been said before by men on this forum.... They don't believe that they could ever satisfy a kinky woman on their own, they don't believe they will be enough for her. Awww didums. :p
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for this topic.I have nothing to ad because you said it all.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Only in the last 12 months have I allowed myself to explore my sexuality and it's kinks (I'm sure there's plenty left yet undiscovered) as like Freya says, my upbringing made the natural development of my sexuality a fucked up mess. I was an ambitious little bitch who thought she knew what she wanted based on other's ideas, because my own were so far out of the norm. Great career, 2 very vanilla marriages, 3 beautiful kids and the McMansion in the burbs. Now the career is gone, the marriages are gone, the house is gone. I have my beautiful kids and I will never settle again for anyone who tries to lock me in a guilded cage. Well, unless there's a collar, handcuffs and whips involved and I'm encouraged to fly.
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Like most things in life .... there are two sides to every story without gender generalising from your single perspective. Don't get me wrong, yes there are certainly guys who don't provide the right environment and emotional intelligence to allow a women to open up but in saying that there are also plenty of guys who do. So instead of gender bashing I have a different suggestion. Why not talk about what aspects from each genders perspective and from experience what worked and what did not. I would say for me it would patience and no pressure - it's sometimes not going to happen in the first conversation and don't try to force it when it takes some time. Honesty - you have to be honest with yourself first and convey that honesty to others before being able to have others give you honesty in return. Listening and respect - sometimes you aren't going o get the answer you want to hear so respecting someone's opinion is needed. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
madotara69
12 years ago
Both men and women, need to have the patience and understanding to see past the past.Mado, Tara xx
-
RHP User
12 years ago
You're dribbling rubbish as if your talking to a crowd of newbies. I'm not gender bashing - I'm saying some women who have a very experimental kinky side to her, will often bury her inner devil to settle for the "traditional" type relationship... And men do it more often then women... Ask 99% of men at age 18, they want to live like a playboy for ever.. Most however settle with one women I'm not single by the way, I am married and have been with my wife for 16 years (since 17yrs old) and have 3 children- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
This post is about the facilitating of a woman's self expression in her sensual journey. Or the stunting thereof... If these women for-go their desires for reasons pertaining to the Man she's currently dating and the unavailability within this particular union...I bet it's the Man not being a clearing for her desires. I seek no agreement on this aspect.
-
madotara69
12 years ago
Coops, there might be a whole bunch named after you. he heMado
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Coops wasn't directed at you at all mate ??? as I thought it was a interesting topic you have put up :-). Was commenting on what tickled kink had to say in terms of generalisation. Cheers, W.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
12 years ago
Guess who just contacted me... And it's only been 1 month!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88159
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10229
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11677
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1009 Comments: 5265
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share