Women: How you like the conversation to begin?
April 02 2023
There are a few styles of messaging from the open, and I'd like to gather some understanding of the women within the community.
As previously stated, women desire different communication styles depending on their archetype, expectations, current desires, level of shyness, and initial comfort levels of their own sexuality that they feel they want to express to men within a shorter or longer time period.
Let's start with the initial message and the progression of the first half of the conversation. Speak about yourselves and your own experiences.
Do you prefer/are attracted to the following conversation starters/first 5-10 messages:
1. Dominant. Suggestive. Slowly leading into sexualizing depending on your level of compliance/comfort. Ie I'm going to ruin you..., I can tell straight away that you're going to be submissive, I'm not believing the innocent look in your eyes etc, leading into taking about sexual fantasies and offering multiple orgasmd
2. Get to know you questions, remaining relatively platonic with compliments here and there until eventual suggestion of the meet up. Ie Where are you from?...You're definitely not from [x]...leading into the man describing his lifestyle in an engaging fashion.
3. Humour and wit inspired by something from your photos and bio, resulting in teasing and light flirting.
4. Light banter leading into the proposition of coffee and cuddles, without the dominance of point one.
The primary curiosity I have is how soon or later do want the conversation to be sexualised - first 3-10 messages, more? Assuming the man messaging you is a man that atleast has a profile you're interested in or attracted to. Include anecdotes
Comments
Ex007
a year ago
There have been plenty of posts on messaging if you search the forums.
FeistyFatty
a year ago
I prefer a message that's individual to ME and which encompasses elements of my profile (seeking and with whom) as talking points to be expanded upon. Copy and paste or generic"Hi, how are ya" etc or tryhard joke making will get nothing but an Autofill response.
You should just try messaging women you match with (mutually seeking the same things etc) and speak to them exactly as you'd speak walking up to them in a bar IRL.FeistyFatty
a year ago
And I NEVER want to the conversation to be sexualised. Happy for sexy banter and scenario exchanges with people I've met but have zero interest in the "I wanna do ABC to your XYZ" dribble that people can carry on with. Yawn and onto the next😘
RHP User
a year ago
I'm not a woman Kurt but I am a scientist and I have tried a lot of approaches to find what works so I feel like I can help here.
1) No way, you will get ignored. It's too much, too soon and women are frankly a little bit scared right from the get go, you look like you *could* rip them up into pieces, your first step is to reassure them that you *won't* do that. This approach is not helping here and is very hard to pull of and not be cringe.
2) Too boring, this is heading to the friend zone at best
3) A good start
4) An ok finish, the cuddles angle might work, but my philosophy was both parties need to establish physical chemistry before deciding to agree to anything physical which can only be done in person, so the coffee suggestion is where its at. I'd offer them choice between caffeine and alcohol, caffeine was about 90/10 winner on that but people usually have a strong preference between the two.
You're on the right track with 3) into 4) don't go too far with sexual stuff until you've met this person in real life, it's asking to have your time wasted and avoid building up expectations on either side as that's what leads to people people freaking out and flaking.
You are just missing "intrigue" from humour and wit in 3) you want to get them over the hump of that first reply, intrigue was my approach. Despite FeistyFatty being very clued in the try hard joke approach worked ok for me if it was one of those jokes that teases the punchline until they reply. Often they just have to know the punchline and that weakness got me more than few roots.
All the best, you're on the right track asking the right questions, stick at it, keep your expectations under control and you'll do well.RHP User
a year ago
One I get a lot is 'I like you/your profile, if you want to catch up /get to know me let me know'.....
So what out of that message gives me any reason to respond?
If a person cannot take a moment to write even one thing about themselves then why would anyone want to get to know them?
So literally anything about yourself that makes you proud to be you.
madotara69
a year ago
You’re in the sandpit of the foru of the Pie OP, so sorry tho there’s no box to tick and no anecdote included.
Thank heavens to Betsy we don’t swim in them deep murky waters
“Waters of love
Deep in the ground
Ain’t no water here to be found”
‘Men at Work”
Yes but no, dunno
these 5-10 messages
Tara likes Six is the best and what she likes most Sixy it’s all about having fun and great six two ( pardon the pun, add cute kiwi accent happy as)
I’m not a woman, nor a womaniser or perhaps I am ?
It’s frighteningly obvious as women mention if one listens at any given time, ‘safety’
Maybe it’s an attractive thing wot women seem to enjoy and in particular engage in conversation ant to wherever that may lead, never deep murky and caution. Fun and my love I share with Tara is our life together and off into the stars forever, any woman looks into my eyes, they can see safety as for what it means.
Tara has only stopped to pause and look at the picture of a guy who shows he is smiling, maybe cheeky but not a grin. Maybe it’s safety and fun is when Tara then will read the message for a start.
Every guy that Tara even noticed has been a picture that lead to lots of great fun having sex when she can have two she giggles.
I know this is all true with what a women, only because I was there when she was just lucky.
Mado
Mado Tara xx
MsSuperFoxy
a year ago
I don't want sexual conversations until after I've met the person.
Sexual messages even within the first 3-10 messages is creepy, especially if I have not met. No way will I be groomed or persuaded either. RED FLAG in my books
The last thing I want is to be is dissapointed or placed in embarrassing situations, because the guy has humbled bragged how good his tounge is and he's ended up being a swivel mop.
Don't get me wrong, sexual innuendoes can be good depending.
A respectful gentleman will not groom, add pressures or anything like that, especially in messages.
Ms FoxyMsSuperFoxy
a year ago
A good man knows how to write a 1st message and the steps leading up to meeting. He puts in an effort because he knows exactly what to do. He doesn’t need a sex coach or rely on his mates or others to tell him what to do, nor does he do "copy and paste" messages.
Thank his mother as she's taught him well. He also has the emotional maturity/intelligence because he treats women with respect, just like he would with his mother.
Ms Foxy
CuriousAsianCpl
a year ago
Any guy that starts a convo trying to be dominant and calling/acting 'alpha' gets sent straight to the trash heap. Happy for them to reveal themselves and get filtered out asap
MsSuperFoxy
a year ago
Dear DP,
There's nothing wrong asking for feed back if it's used for good use, not to manipulate. You have heard of "manipulative feedback"? Yeah?
My point is not "shaming men" as you state: More don't Ask your mates (male or female), or a sex therapist to write messages on their behalf or for them to fill out a profile on a persons behalf. That's not the right thing to do.
So if anyone wants to take what I've posted to good use, they can. It's not up to you to decide or tell others what they can or cant do. People can decide for themselves. I'm ok with that.
Kind regards,
Ms Foxy
nightingale8
a year ago
The wonderful thing about the ‘feminine’ is that it’s highly fluid, ephemeral, changeable. When it comes to dating I’m far more feminine. When I’ve been seeking, I’ve had absolutely no pattern to what I’ve responded to. Anything from “hey we’re neighbours” to “I like your profile, please check out mine” to a long monologues of introduction to comical quips. I think in the internet world, you don’t have as much chance to correct misinterpretations. Real life affords that. Sorry no help.
RachWandered
a year ago
I came to the forums to look for information about messaging so thanks for posting and commenting.. loving the discussion xx
Anyway I’m super awkward at chat but also prefer to initiate contact. I usually lead with something impressive like “hi. Cool profile” or even better “hey” … lol
When I message I’m trying to engage with the profile as a whole so it’s less about the content of individual messages but more the messages and the profile taken together to form an picture of the person behind the profile. I’m trying to gauge whether we’ll have good chemistry.
It’s probably safe to assume sex is the desired outcome for many profiles, so work back from the desired outcome and communicate what you want this person to know about you and also what you want to know about them.
I prefer my sex IRL so for me, before I talk about sitting on anyone’s face, I’d like to see that face and like the face owner enough to sit on them … overtly sexual messages at the start are like queue jumping… trying to bypass the bit where people flirt and test chemistry..
… soz probably not a quick and easy answer xRHP User
a year ago
However you message….make it authentic. Nobody - be it make or female - likes a fake.
Peoples weirdness, humour and intellect all differ. So unless you’re authentic, you’re cheating yourself before you’re cheating anyone else.RHP User
a year ago
A good message should come from being yourself. But keep in mind that in text messages you only get 10% of your communication across. As body language and tone of voice is missing.
I've lost count on the amount of times that I've asked the question. Would you speak to a woman like that in real life that you just met?
The best fwb I had from rhp for two years.
Never once sent me sex text. Nor did he meet me with any expectations other than just to have a drink and get to know each other. We went out seperate ways and then both decided we would like to see each other again.
If only that was the norm but unfortunately it's a rarity. I don't care what site your on, if your looking something casual. Doesn't mean you want to be treated less than someone you wanted to seriously date.
That's a single woman's point of viewRHP User
a year ago
I love the humour and banter - get to know a girl at least briefly before you start discussing your desire to ruin her...unless that's her thing . I figure if a guy takes the time to read my profile he should have a rough idea. What do you prefer when women approach you ?
Mrs_Deep_Love
a year ago
I probably wouldn't go with the style in which you sent your first message to me.
It read, I quote:
Im.going ruin you.....RHP User
9 months ago
Hey Man,
Post in secret mens business.
You won’t get a straight answer here.
Boards
Forum help
Something related with that
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
report