F51
Why is it so difficult to remain friendly after sex?
January 31 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
but men fall asleep after sex, and women turn into pieces of shit. thats just the way it is.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Lol ....Theone....yeah I was thinking that to....the going to sleep bit....hehehe Seriously though Tess, could it be your choice in men or boys, your not falling into the clutches of the "bad boys" are you? because I reckon there are tons of blokes out there who would be happy to treat you right and enjoy spending time with you and look forward to seeing you again.Cheers Nev.....You reap what you sow.......sometimes
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RHP User
15 years ago
i think that maybe tess your looking at the wrong guys! now i dont know you from a bar of soap only since i have been on herebut how bout getting some chemistry between each other which im sure you do but maybe try and stay away from the playboy's or players if you know what i mean before jumping in under the sheets(just a guess) i mean if there is conversation and it its not about sex and its mently stimulating and you both enjoy the each other company also knowing that there are rules such as this is just play meets and no chance of a relationship or there is a chance how long do you wait till the bed starts to rock??? remember tess its just my opinion. for me when im lucky enough to have the company of a lady you i always leave know that they are happy and it wasnt an awakerd ending so that if there could be another time with one another in the future both parties are happy and excioted to see each other.p.s. some guys are just dickheads!!!! dont know a good thing when there staring straight at it(hot girl)quik x
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RHP User
15 years ago
I dont mean straight after sex lol - why do guys have to talking to you altogether, start avoiding & ignore you?
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jezebel_jj
15 years ago
Yes i can see you getting laid a lot "Theone1983"...not...Your the kind of guy that makes me hate most other men, because they a no better than pond scum.Guys have it ingrained in there nature that sticking around after sex will lead to commitment in some form or another, or a friendship, or expectation which may get them tied down. Now this is generally not the case, as women like men sometimes just want sex and not looking for anything further. However this male failure still exists. There are other factors as well, for example;By being friendly and sociable, he might be able to crawl into your panties, but he might not see any type of future with you, so why bother sticking around after sex for unnecessary talking. Also, you may have a big negative flaw or feature (in his opinion) he may not like, but can deal with for 1 night to get his groove on. On top of all this, most guys don't even think they are doing anything wrong by fucking off and not communicating back. Another guy flaw.I have trained myself out of this behavior and i had the fortune to meet my current partner because of these changes, but its hard work. We started out just seeing each other casually, but things developed because i wasnt playing any games but i wasnt looking for a partner either.Most men wont ever do it as its too much hard work.Tess75 there are plenty of men out there that will act like what you should expect, but you just need to find them.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Oh dealing with that awkward silence after intercourse... when your eyes are all sleepy.... and you know the inevitable is that a guy is going to slump into a cum coma..... which could very well be inappropriate so... do you say thanks as you zip up your pants? It's quite a dilemma really. The alternative is to lay there making stupid small talk.. always wondering if you want him to leave.... and guys have got places to go and jobs to do... all those tasks spring back into mind.... the awkward .. do I hang out all day now... or get a bight to eat... you shouldn't take that all personal like.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
There are men out there who are also interested in the friendship side of things as wel. They are few and far between and yes, most men will treat you like shit after they nail you. They have got what they want so move on. It is usually about the numbers and the variety. Plenty of them will talk about how they want friends with benefits but in truth they just want a fuck buddy. I have it written in my profile "Maintain the friendship". It is thier loss honey. They could have had a great friend (and all that friendship entails) with sex on the side when convienient for both but chose just a roll in the hay instead. l Next!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Can't really say and have had it happen on both sides of the street...so no sure it's just a "guy" thing? Doesn't really ruffle my feathers one way or the other but have to ask...what was or did you agree to an expectation before getting your feet wet in the pool?| I have actually taken a "pass" on a few when I knew for sure that I was not going to be able to live up or down to the expectation. Communication is a two way street... | ...you learn to read the signs along the road.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' There are men out there who are also interested in the friendship side of things as wel. They are few and far between and yes, most men will treat you like shit after they nail you.That's just wrong. Sorry Fiona. People fall in love by accident. They find a person who is a great friend by accident too. Not everyone is spectacularly sexually compatible either. I mean to say.... how are you to know unless you give it a go? to say that men just want to fuck and then treat you like shit is simply wrong. The fuck may be fine... but the friendship may not be... or vice versa.... And falling on love is something altogether different again. You can't expect people to fake their emotional attachment for the sake of making YOU feel better.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't want to 'fall in love' at all. But I want a modicum of respect after the sex. I can have had a number of vaguely friendly guys who I get on great with in chat, sometimes for months, if not years. Have sex, and then bam, no contact at all from them. And here I was thinking, that even without sex, we got on ok. .This is completely different to the guys that pop up at the right time that want thier quickie and to move on. Tell me what you want and you might get lucky, just don't pretend to be my friend to get it and then 'dump' me.
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RHP User
15 years ago
if the sex has been latish the falling into the coma is sort of natural, however I prefer to engage in the small talk, do a little massaging and hey presto, seconds are well under way, often with the result it is longer and way more enjoyable due to the fact that you are not doing the first time twostep.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Wouldn't that just be easier all round? I agree that everyone is looking for someone and its a matter of everything lining up.. time place need desire all those types of things. I have some fabulous male friends that have been lovers in the past and continue to be so .. but have also had my fair share of men that 'root and run' and its pointless .. We are all adults.. maybe we should start behaving as such and treating it like it is .. Even great sex can turn into silence ... So many men get anxious about loosing their freedom and get confused about a woman's ability to be a fuck buddy ... so they think safety in numbers.. Silly really .. some great sex comes from continued sex .. do give up tess.... hang in their with the rest of us :) Sassy xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Why do guys act all friendly & interested until they nail you & suddenly you're a piece of shit not worth talking to any more...I so sick of games .... Tess...just wondering if you are meaning...after they nail you they dont stick around and bed talk or after they leave you not worth talking to again? when i first came onto sites like this i felt the same. ( Felt like i should have asked for money to be left on the table as they left.....lol.) Learnt to become selective and when i talk online with them before meeting have asked them to remeber just be a gentleman and let me know if no longer wanting further contact if and when we do get together and we dont click. Doesnt take much effort... Agree with other comments as well ....so hang in there and make the site work for you... Geesh ...still getting used to responding on forums so hope this makes sense.. xxx blondeabbie1
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RHP User
15 years ago
The cum coma....I like that! It's a primeval thing - men tend to fall asleep post coital....I guess it's all the exertion leading up to the vinegar stroke. Likewise, it's in the man's physiology that we have a tendency to try to nail everything that moves - I've known some blokes who'd lay a plank - and the reason for this is that we have an inbuilt factory that produces swimmers 24/7, so we're programmed to spread the love as it were. Women, on the other hand, are born with a finite supply, and are programmed to be much more selective. OK, biology lesson over. As far as ditching once the deed is done, yeah, it sucks, but it's down to the individual and their particular set of social skills or lack thereof. Some are just after a notch on the belt and will do whatever it takes to get 'er done, then bail. Personally, if we don't click, you won't be seeing L'il rcflyer in a hurry.
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RHP User
15 years ago
We all know how different we are from each other. Men will go into Stalky's cum coma, and we will lay there still thinking..... His mind on the way out will more likely be thinking farkk that was goodddd zzzzzzzzz Hers will be doing the - oh I wonder if he noticed my.....did he enjoy that when I?.......why isn't he saying anything? should I ask him if he wants breakfast? LOL just the way we're both built, and certainly nothing personal (in 99% of cases) But if he is something that you'd like to have an ongoing thing with, (and here is where my inner, evil,wily woman mind has most of its fun) shake it up a bit, do something totally out of left field. Do what the man does: get up, wipe your pussy on the curtains, say "gotta go babe my car needs washing" , and as you're saying "thanks for that", slap him on the arse, give him a wink and say "I'll call ya" I doubt he'd be laying there thinking nothing after that Moral of the story, leave your mark, you may do it more subtly than me but if you only have one shot at something, why not make yourself stand out a bit from the crowd. Best of luck xxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Pretty sure not every guy is like that. But as Dontgotthere said "You need to leave your mark". I dont know about wiping your snatch on the curtains......... But If you just lay there for the awkward morning wake up, then the impression when you/he wakes up with is definetly not going to be as good as the time you first meet. It's the old story of "treat em mean keep em keen". It's not neccesarily how you would want to treat someone, it's just a way of making you stay in the forefront of their mind. In that, also means you dont have to worry about how you look in the morning. But more Importantly, your bound to get another phone call/text.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hey I was just wondering if this was normal-I think I was misunderstood..I'm not in love, I'm not looking for a great romance, not interested in having a conversation about world politics after sex, or really even expecting anything. Just want alot of sex & mutual respect-I like to be treated as a friend! For me the fun is in ongoing arrangements as sex gets better with knowing someone. It's happened alot over the yrs & I think the whole friends with benefits thing is great but never seems to work as guys tend to back off & then have difficulty maintaining the friendship & contact. Even when they say its great & the sex is good - I'm not sure why people just arent honest?? This is what frustrates me Talking immediately after sex was never the issue haha - I too enjoy falling into an orgasm induced coma!! Anyway thanks for the feedback guys
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hey Tess, I've learnt that it depends on how I set the scene to our meeting. The guys that I would like to be friends with I tend to chat more on MSN first about things other than simply sex. We joke about our day, about what's on T.V, what's for dinner etc AND we talk about sex. I also tend to cam in the chat room with the guys I want to be friends with... it's playful and involves lots of teasing. It hopefully conveys the message that I'm after more than just a "one off". I've found the quicker I hook up with a guy the less chance there is of an ongoing friendship. So ... I've learnt to build the background for the friendship first UNLESS I really just want a one off. And... as for after sex ? I tend to say something like, "hey that was fun, perhaps if we're still chatting in a year or two we can do it again" ! Something along those lines gets a reaction. I've learnt not to have expectations from most RHP guys and to get what I want rather than be a pawn in their little game of sex chess !! Keep Trying, Miss Saturn
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well I have NEVER ""Nailed"" anyone to be able to treat them Like Shit!...lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sorry I was in a different zone altogether Tess. so you mean down the track a bit or if you run into each other outside of the bedroom? A couple of things some to mind then, it's possible that he may not feel the 'spark' enough to make it an ongoing friendship with benefits? or even possibly that he may not want to mix the two outside of the bedroom, (keep an rhp meet completely separate from his day to day world) I can understand that one completely, god I'd just die if I bumped into a Dad from here on a school drop off you know, when you're really not in the zone ..lol Oh and Call_It_Fun Ive never actually wiped my pussy on the curtains, it was just an example. Drapes are an absolute bugger to remove juices from
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'fionabee' There are men out there who are also interested in the friendship side of things as wel. They are few and far between and yes, most men will treat you like shit after they nail you.That's just wrong. Sorry Fiona. People fall in love by accident. They find a person who is a great friend by accident too. Not everyone is spectacularly sexually compatible either. I mean to say.... how are you to know unless you give it a go? to say that men just want to fuck and then treat you like shit is simply wrong. The fuck may be fine... but the friendship may not be... or vice versa.... And falling on love is something altogether different again. You can't expect people to fake their emotional attachment for the sake of making YOU feel better.HugsStalky The friendship is fine. Everthing is great, the sex is great, so great that he does come back a few more times than the once only, It is not bullshit and you know it. When it comes to sex, men and women do think differently. No question about it. Nobody wants to be fucked and then not contacted at all. Brushed off without an explanation and yes...men do that. This is what Tess is talking about. And I did say not all men... People do not fall in love by accident. They fall in love because they allow the selves to. If they never spent any time at all with the person they love, love would not develop, it would stay at the lust stage. Love grows over many months, years. It is not an instantaneous thing. Just like a great friendship........it grows over the years as well.
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RHP User
15 years ago
A great topic, Tess. Sorry your experiences haven't been so positive so far. I know that some men are great at compartmentalising - they might be putting you in a box labelled "sex only" and not having the conversations or friendliness they'd have with people in the "mates" or "girlfriend" box. It's classic black-or-white thinking and it doesn't take into account that most people are a little more complex than one or the other. Just because neither of you are looking for a long-term relationship doesn't mean you can't have a conversation or two. But the fact that the men seem friendly at first and then go cold seems more like intentional deceit. I've led a reasonably sheltered life amongst really decent men as friends so I've never met anyone like this but obviously they exist. Take solace in knowing that the opposite kinds of guys exist too - and they're even easy to pick on this site. If they'll participate in conversations like this one that they know are very unlikely to get them laid - that's a good sign. :) All the best in finding men who have personalities as well as cocks.
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RHP User
15 years ago
i think uve been living up there in darwin for too long and the sun has cooked ur brain. if u didnt realise that was a joke, then u must be a truely boring and sad little man. hate is a strong emotion, and it hurts u more than the people u hate. i truely feel nothing but pity for u.
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RHP User
15 years ago
men are stupid and they like to made things waaaay harder than they need to be roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Actually I thought it was funny Theone1983 ( & cute :-p)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Different thought process Tess75.. Men think how do i fuck this woman quickly and take off...i dont think a woman thinks like this...even if its for the same cause...a FWB. A fwb can be great with the right one, and lasting...and when the sex stops, it can still be fun... Define it clearly Tess75...and screen the shit... keep smiling....mwha to you to !
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RHP User
15 years ago
i find that if something is giving me the shits, and a mate cracks a joke about it that makes me laugh, then the problem starts looking alot smaller. one thing that hasnt been mentioned yet is that 90% of guys who have done this sort of thing end up regretting it later. once they realise theres no human robot, pre-programed by god especially for them waiting out there, they start wishing they had done the right thing by some of the good women they have met. cold comfort i know. anything else i might have said has already been said by other members. even cyclone tracy (boytoyjj), had some good insights.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Obviously if you meet up with a guy off this site and have sex with them the outcome is going to be exactly that unless they are somewhat decent and enjoyed the sex you just shared..
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RHP User
15 years ago
This is really just a question about Assholes. You see there are 4 main types of asshole: 1, the Open Asshole - they are assholes both before and after sex (sometimes, even during), and often the easiest to identify 2. the Hidden Asshole (sometimes known as the Closet Asshole) - they're not assholes until you find the right nerve and then BAM! - out she pops like an angry haemorrhoid! 3. the Wolf Asshole - they dress in nice and interested cloths and shed them after sex, leaving the asshole exposed 4. the Quivering Asshole - these are very rare but often found with their assholes pressed against a fall, lest anyone should discover they are an asshole and tend not to leave their protective shelter - avoid the walls to avoid these assholes. Clearly you are having sex with Wolf Assholes, and not knowing it. My advice - in future ask to see his Asshole I.D.Card, before you have sex. This way you can determine which type of asshole you are talking to. Then you will know what to expect, should you still decide to have sex with him. Hope that helps.... 2b :) ..... "Helping women make better choices in Assholes...."
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RHP User
15 years ago
Oh gawd 2balloons what a crack up !!!! and even funnier was that I read it really fast with a sarcastic imaginary voice in my head.... LOVE IT
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RHP User
15 years ago
This discussion reminds me of a discussin waaayy back in the 70's. A prominent expert said that 65% of people go to sleep after sex. When asked whatthe other 35% did he replied - go home. We as 18yr old school kids thought it funny.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'theone1983' but men fall asleep after sex, and women turn into pieces of shit. thats just the way it is. Oh shit... I am going to have to revise my thinking about fitted egyptian cotton sheets.HUGsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
as the sorely missed mynameisearl would have said, Ahhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
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