F50
Why are guys these day don't approach girls anymore?
December 03 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
yup, i remember when being a strong feminist woman type meant routinely shooting men down in flames as soon as they approached women. still see it around these parts, as it happens. no wonder they're scaredycats now - we've shot ourselves in the foot! now we have to share the bloody burden of approaching strangers we like and putting ourselves out there... why do you think i like the internet way so much?
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sexy_guy18
15 years ago
these days the hot girls are up them selfs like there shit dont stink
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RHP User
15 years ago
A combination of factors depending on the guy... Lacking confidence Some will feel that you are out of there league so just don't bother. We all have people we will mix with and someones status is a factor. Bum on the street comes up to you and goes " Hi great day, your dress is out there only so many women could get away with wearing that" He does it with a big smile full of enthusiasm. Maya goes thanks you live around here??? :) just jokin Reality is you will not be interested. Just plain not knowing what to say in some cases... Some say that your typical attractive women has been approach hundreds of times with guys saying "Hi" and when you do that you are in the "wow how original catagory" My experience has been that Hi doesn't work for me... my friend dan who is in the very good looking catagory could approach and say "toilet seat" and would get more positive response than me saying hi. I have worked at some places years ago and found some very attractive women would be approached by no one, I actually went up to one woman and said "whats wrong with you", no one is talking to you" So the environment is a factor. Some bars in Sydney have a abundance of super confident guys who you would be having to fight off with a stick other places no as many guys like that. Lazyness and what rather just drink and chat with mates rather than face so called rejection... Isn't really rejection at all when you look into it. Some guys have placed you on a pedestal even though you have in fact done absolutely nothing to deserve it. They view you as the prize which is a weak attitude to go in with so it puts them off . Some guys know they cannot pass womens tests... which are numerous and constant hehe and fun if you know how to flip them around... Eye contact is a factor also, if you gave me some eye contact and I held your gaze and you looked away the first time... I would test you again and then approach and say something witty and original or maybe I will drink my beer and go she's probably a real bitch... The pussification of men, but that is another subject all together!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi Maya, Self Esteem: - the guy not thinking he is good enough. Yet paradoxically, guys forget that even preety girls also have self esteem issues. Guys tend to think a lot of girls are out of their league so they don't attempt to say hi. Asssumption- The guy assuming someone beautiful is all ready taken Burnt- For some girls (esp of the gold coast) burning guys is a rite of passage. And it hurts to be burnt. Alcohol- Understandably many girls are sick and tired of drunk desperate guys making a move, so the girls put up a barrier and tend to judge/burn even nice guys. Ideally- if a girl said hello to a guy the guy would most certainly carry on with the conversation.
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1975mysteryman10
15 years ago
Not all guys approach girls yes. But some do. I often think women like playing coy and this can put a lot of guys off.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Fear of rejection. It sucks.When theres an attractive girl in the group we usually start talking to their friends first. Teasing her a bit. Then if shes cool, talk to her lastly. Never making it obvious were after her.Wingman usually takes care of the other girls while the other talks to the target. We NEVER buy a girl a drink unless she "Buys me one first". Just dont treat them like princesses. Challenge them and let them know they cant walk over you. Good hunting.But yeah, in general guys are too scared to talk to girls straight up, because girls are so used to it they just know first thing to say or do to scare them away.Wingman and I only talk to girls if they are worthy of our attention, have a good attitude and are up for a good laugh ;) its the attitude we go out with.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well I never do. Too scared, unless we've established some contact before. A couple of reasons why: 1. Don't wanna get shot down in public 2. Usually not sure what to say after the 1st sentence to get a conversation going
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MsValkyrie'Yup, i remember when being a strong feminist woman type meant routinely shooting men down in flames as soon as they approached women. No wonder they're scaredycats now - we've shot ourselves in the foot! burden of approaching strangers we like and putting ourselves out there... why do you think i like the internet way so much? MsV hit it on the head...maybe both. No need to say ouch...this is the internet. | "Seriously though" he said with a bit of a laugh...have a look at what you have written and the comments you have made about how much attention you get and jaws dropping. Your opinion of yourself would show up on the radar from miles away. Why would I bother...you are so into yourself I personally would doubt that you need company even if I was very sure that you are not hot enough to burn my fingers. | Some guys like the complete package...not just your looks.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't know about you, but I get the feeling that I, along with all these blokes who are too afraid to say hello to you, have watched a few too many films from the 80's... Remember those? The ones where all a guy has to do is saunter into a bar with his jacket sleeves pushed up around the elbows and the tongue of his basketball shoes exposed, shoot a quick blue steel look around the bar, moonwalk to the bartender, order a stubbie of something that looks tough, lean against the bar and proceed to engage every woman with a lingering stare while she sheepishly smiles and giggles back. After that, nature takes its course. If only I was born two decades earlier! Nevertheless, my point is, if a guy is staing at you, he's interested, and you clearly know this. (Who the hell wants to stare at somebody who's unattractive?) If you're attracted to him, say hello and I guarantee he'll start off by doing his best to be Maverick for about 5 minutes, and then if you're really hitting it off - you'll see the real him. Secondly, be clear in your own mind about what it is you want to happen. A guy will come into a bar, or other recreational establishment with a clear purpose in mind, i.e. to get drunk, to celebrate with friends or to pickup a chick. The purposemay change at varying points during the night, regardless you can be assured his intention will be clear at any single moment. Try this yourself. If you're interested in a guy, focus on it and you'll probably start to make yourself more accessible without realising it. Thidly, avoid the circle of death if you're really interested in meeting somebody. It's scary for women to go out at night, I understand, and nobody wants to be the lonely one drinking by themselves, but if you must go out with a gaggle of female (or male) friends, avoid establishing the round circle with your backs to the rest of the bar. Like I said, if you're keen - don't be mean. Finally, I've noticed an increasing Europeanisation of Australian women which, as previous contributors have eluded to, is perhaps sabotaging your own efforts at meeting people. For those unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, specificly I'm referring to the mating and social habits of French women. French women are possibly the most hostile people on earth. They refuse to speak to anybody - including other women - without scorn and distaste, if they say "yes", they mean "no", and vice-versa. They're beautiful creatures - like swans to look at - but they have the heart of an eagle. They prey on male insecurity and have extremely high expectations of romance and compatibility before they'll even consider reliquishing some of the power balance in the relationship. European men are aware of this which is also why they have a reputation of gentle persistence when approaching women. This last point is important for all women here to consider, because it has direct relevance to the original question. Most poigniantly, this is not Europe. Australian men, by and large are not inclined to romance a potential partner without positive response to their approaches, nor will they appreciate or tolerate reverse psychology at any stage during the process - regardless of how hot you are. So here's my advice, be honest, be direct, be clear. Don't try to 'make him work for it' - that doesn't mean you have to give it up every time, but don't play with his ego if you're really into him. If none o this works, go up to the guy you're interested in and tell him to grow a set and talk to you next time instead of leering - that could work too. Peace. :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Just in case any of you missed it due to his rather long post.. French women are possibly the most hostile people on earth. They refuse to speak to anybody - including other women - without scorn and distaste. They're beautiful creatures but they have the heart of an eagle. They prey on male insecurity.I've snipped it a bit. But really made me laugh out loud.Should be added to the wikipedia.
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RHP User
15 years ago
personally speaking i don't chat to women on the streets as it's pretty obvious what I'm trying to do. People rarerly chat to people they don't know so to chat to a person of the opposite sex just stinks of 'chat up'. If I thought that most women actually found this attractive then I would probably give it a go.I'm a pretty confident guy but I just don't want to come across smarmy or sleazy.
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RHP User
15 years ago
blame 'the feminists' if you'd like - but without them, most of us girls would never be here in the first place, being able to indulge our own lusts on a par with the boys. the pendulum definitely swung too far to the side in the early days though, and many women misunderstood feminism to mean being a 'lady chauvinist' - i'm just happy to see it slowly swinging back to a more moderate centre. in the meantime, though, we women who do approach men that we like, are still too often seen as somewhere between too sexually aggressive or emasculating; ruining 'the chase'; or a novelty or curiosity - none of which are much fun to be. we've clearly still got a little way to go!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Why would this be a concern of to you? I find it very difficult to believe you would not have men approach you Is there a reason you can't indicate your interest? On this planet I believe you call it a "smile". Usually if they (the men-folk) see you smile at them they take the hint...you don't need intensive training with Yoda to get them to come over to you. To mix things up on occasion you could do what I do-kick out the chair and say: "Are you going to stand there with that dumb expression on your face and your hand on your holster cowboy-or are you going to sit down and buy me a drink?" I think I've been watching too much Mae West-however it has never failed me... I could be a Jedi...well that creature bar is underground-I haven't yet seen any humanoids with horns yet, however it is usually packed with horny men....thank the gods. Droidum. Nech je venku. *smirk* NymphetamineDrm
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RHP User
15 years ago
Ahahahah, your comment really make me laugh and yes what you were say have a good point based on the way I wrote this post. But I wrote it like that so it's easier to imagine the way guys look at some attractive girl, not meaning about myself in particular. I'm generally very friendly person and down to earth. At 34 and had been married, I sure know how to start a thing with a guy I'm interested in. But sometime it's just tiresome that us women have to initiate it most of the time and a lot of times we just gave up and couldn't be bothered. That's where my question come from? But seriously, I'm pretty sure you will be jaw dropped too if you ever see me in real life, tee hee, lol ;-)
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RHP User
15 years ago
I can assure you that many men enjoy both the chase...and equally, when that which you pursue will suddenly turn to pursue you. I personally...enjoy the hunt or being the quarry with equal delight. If anything over the last decade...it has been a pleasure to see the fairer sex capture the flag and join in game more freely. And as for my jaw...it has remained remarkably intact upon encountering women around the world whose beauty lies both in plain sight...but more so shines from inside. And whilst I rarely make assumptions from a few pictures...illusions in pixels painted with the brush of CYMK, i doubt I would need to meet you in person to test the theory. ...but then again, you could try?
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RHP User
15 years ago
If you see something you like maya maybe take a shot at it and see how it goes?Not all blokes fancy the idea of being shut down once again and if they are obviously checking you out and youre thinking they are kinda cute too.... say hi?makes sense no?LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MsValkyrie'in the meantime, though, we women who do approach men that we like, are still too often seen as somewhere between too sexually aggressive or emasculating; ruining 'the chase'; or a novelty or curiosity - none of which are much fun to be. I have never heard anyone other than a female say that.... are you concerned about status among other females or your own honest feelings for someone? thats why guys approach women... because on some level thay have an honest interest (sex, interest or otherwise) they dont give a damn what their mates think. Its between him and the girl.If he makes a bad choice his mates will slap him on the back, have a giggle about it and buy another beer. they have all been there.I have never heard of a guy complain because he was approached by a girl, even if she wasnt his sort. The act is a flattering one and shows a quality of character most woman are affraid to express or just dont have. On the other hand I can relate a few stories from friends that have had guys approach them and not wanted the attention... they deal with it and I think they still feel somewhat good that they at least got some attention... even if it wasnt the man they wanted it was being noticed and that must feel great.LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
You're a Champ!!!! lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Nice advice I agreed with you that most of the time lots of woman get quite worries about what her friends or others would think about her; if she tries to or want to pick up or even just signal a guy that she interested in. I do feel like that sometime especially when I'm out with a new friends. So you think I shouldn't worry about that too? Maybe you could give me a good advice on how to stop worrying too much over a drinks sometime? I've got lots of question to ask, hey ;-) x
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'maya34' Nice advice I agreed with you that most of the time lots of woman get quite worries about what her friends or others would think about her; if she tries to or want to pick up or even just signal a guy that she interested in. I do feel like that sometime especially when I'm out with a new friends. So you think I shouldn't worry about that too? Maybe you could give me a good advice on how to stop worrying too much over a drinks sometime? I've got lots of question to ask, hey ;-) x Absolutely, would be more than happy to get into a conversation about this with ya :) If you dont ask the question you'll never feel rested in thinking about it... so go for it. Yep, I think "what are my friends thinking" is actually not a very good thought to get into on first contact... maybe ask their advice once you know someone a little and they have had a chance to meet him/her too but not right off the bat? Im not sure.... Unless there is a glaringly obvious omision in your first assessment (you didnt see the ring on his finger or the prison number tattoo or something :P) The risk in seeking your mates approval for every guy you look at is that they could actually end up screening you out of everyone that catches your eye. Youre unlikely to find a guy that fits the combined criteria of any number of your friends... (e.g. one thinks too tall, one too short... therefore no height is acceptable) Ultimately the choice of who you are interested in (for whatever reason) is yours and yours alone, ESPECIALLY at that first point of contact. They might just be that amazing person youve been looking for or that incredible lover you imagined them to be. Your friends cant tell you that, you have to find out yourself. Usually that can only happen if you talk to the tall dark guy youve been eyeing off... Stopping the worry is an interesting topic indeed and definitely worth a glass of something or other... Drinks next week? LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
i don't care about rejection but , the men hate girls who trying to play hard to get , bcz sometimes u meet girls like models and they easy going , then u meet girls not that good and still thinking they are the only girls in the world ,, so it's not worth it,, also girls like to play slow and real men don't hAVE THE TIME for that , losers do ,,also,, their is many girls i can't keep walking and talking to every one , I Belive the girl should give me a clear signal , then i will make my move ..
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'maya34' Nice advice I agreed with you that most of the time lots of woman get quite worries about what her friends or others would think about her; if she tries to or want to pick up or even just signal a guy that she interested in. I do feel like that sometime especially when I'm out with a new friends. So you think I shouldn't worry about that too? Maybe you could give me a good advice on how to stop worrying too much over a drinks sometime? I've got lots of question to ask, hey ;-) x I personally think that if you rely too heavily on the opinions of others whe it comes to looking for a partner a couple of things might happen:1) You might actually be holding yourself back from learning what it truly is you want in a partner (by not actually experiencing good and bad from your own choices and therefore having little reference to make your own decisions, only the opinions of friends)2) You might actually find it hard to find anyone that matches the various opinions of your friends all at the same time (i.e. one friend thinks too tall, another thinks too short... therefore no height is suitable)The obvious example is if you miss something they pick up on (the hidden prison tat :P... sneaky ring-tan on finger etc)Id be more than happy to go for a drink and chat about it more :)hows next week?LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
for some reason my browser crashed and I thought the post before my last didnt work... sorry for the double post
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RHP User
15 years ago
In my personal experience with women i have had no luck, its not from lack of trying, i used to go out all the time and even when i would try to talk to people i'd get shot down, from highschool till now nothing apart from age has changed. if you look at my picture you would see me, but if you seen me in person you'd turn and walk away. i know these things. i'd love to not be so negative but its because a few too many people voted for the "cut and ripped" look. unfortunately my weight does scare people. i am not oversize,just moreof me to hug. I'd love to find the right person or even just a few random encounters but in the eyes of society and my peers i am not right for anyone. well this is how i feel.i am not having a whinge or looking for sympathy just saying how my view is. Dont get me wrong if i had the body of someone else maybe i would walk up and start talking......
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thanks again for such a great advice I'll buy you a drink next week, so that's a Yes! ;) M
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RHP User
15 years ago
The art of sociial interaction is slowly and steadily being lost. People are no longer reliant upon face to face interactions in order to meet someone....we have the internet. As a teenager, there was no internet and one would never have had a date, let alone got married, produced children or even made any friends at all without the face to face socialisation. We has socials, discos, dances, parties. I am not saying that the youth of today do not have these things as well because they do.......... but........they also have the internet. It is a great leveler of the playing field. We couldnt text our new love interest with sexy or cute little things each day, . We waited and used the telephone with our brothers and sisters hanging on our every word and Mum screaming in the background to get off the phone. We were not always in contact every day via the internet, we had to wait until the weekend to go on a date. Here you can be sure that you actually have something in common before meeting. By the time I get to meet anyone it is like chatting to an old friend and there are little to know awkward gaps in conversation. I know they want to meet me and I know I want to meet them. This does not guarantee a successful outcome but the odds are more in favour of it as the preliminary groundwork has ben laid
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RHP User
15 years ago
All men want to talk to women, men love your femine qualities but at what price!! There it is - this is what women dont understand - once a man has in his mind that the price is too high (imagine or not) then he is going to stand back and just admire the view. Sad to say - I have many mates who now have very little to do with any women apart from family and I am not just talking about single men I even had quite a few married mates that are the same - Why you may ask? These men are worn out trying to live up to women expectations, everyone(including women) is bombarded with what women should think - aspire to - wear - holiday to etc. So over time - these men have gradually tune out and decide life is easier hanging with their mates. How do you turn it around - that I have no idea - but I do know that you often here about the "man drought" or "there are no good men left" from women. I see earlier post refer to feminist movement, and yes there has been huge changes in the way women preceive there place in society now they need to adjust to those changes - and one of those changes will be that women may need to take on the traditional male role when out in a social environment. If that happens then women open themselves to rejection by men, having seen this happen to a friend I know - I can tell you that it wasn't good - she got agressive(been drinking) and in the end embrassed herself totally.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' The art of sociial interaction is slowly and steadily being lost. People are no longer reliant upon face to face interactions in order to meet someone....we have the internet.I'm personally going to stick with meeting people... it's not hard, is loads of fun, and you can see if you'll click immediately.It just seems too contrived online.
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RHP User
15 years ago
a guy i work with just WON'T approach. he's got such a negative attitude but he doesn't actually try often enough to warrant it.for me, i complain a lot and don't have much to talk about other than work, so i don't bother. that, and i'm a pansy. :)hear so many stories of the shit that some dudes DO just go up and say, so we tend to get a little paranoid we'll be looked at as "one of them".ms l_n_b reckons because some girls are just plain nasty cold shallow narrow minded bitches.i tend to agree with that because if guys got a "no thanks" and a smile, it'd be a lot better than the all too often up and down look and the arrogant non-response grunt.the actions of a few ruin it for te many
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'L_n_B' Yep agree here!...Been Clubbing a few times over the years Bars etc...Tried to be confident say Hello in a Non Sleazy way and 100 Per Cent of the time have been "SHOT DOWN"...and I mean not with a Smile and "No Thanks" BUT with an Arrogant look and a "I'm about to Spew" kinda way!... So yeah it's RARE to find a 'Decent' chick these days especially in the Younger crowd!...:) a guy i work with just WON'T approach. he's got such a negative attitude but he doesn't actually try often enough to warrant it.for me, i complain a lot and don't have much to talk about other than work, so i don't bother. that, and i'm a pansy. :)hear so many stories of the shit that some dudes DO just go up and say, so we tend to get a little paranoid we'll be looked at as "one of them".ms l_n_b reckons because some girls are just plain nasty cold shallow narrow minded bitches.i tend to agree with that because if guys got a "no thanks" and a smile, it'd be a lot better than the all too often up and down look and the arrogant non-response grunt.the actions of a few ruin it for te many
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'happy2play' All men want to talk to women, men love your femine qualities but at what price!! There it is - this is what women dont understand - once a man has in his mind that the price is too high (imagine or not) then he is going to stand back and just admire the view. Sad to say - I have many mates who now have very little to do with any women apart from family and I am not just talking about single men I even had quite a few married mates that are the same - Why you may ask? These men are worn out trying to live up to women expectations, everyone(including women) is bombarded with what women should think - aspire to - wear - holiday to etc. So over time - these men have gradually tune out and decide life is easier hanging with their mates. How do you turn it around - that I have no idea - but I do know that you often here about the "man drought" or "there are no good men left" from women. I see earlier post refer to feminist movement, and yes there has been huge changes in the way women preceive there place in society now they need to adjust to those changes - and one of those changes will be that women may need to take on the traditional male role when out in a social environment. If that happens then women open themselves to rejection by men, having seen this happen to a friend I know - I can tell you that it wasn't good - she got agressive(been drinking) and in the end embrassed herself totally. doesnt that reaction remind you of what you often see from guys late at night in bars around town? Maybe this gives an insight as to how they end up there?we're just not that different, we are constantly told that men and women think completely differently but I just dont think that we do...We have different social models that hide or express our thoughts in more public or private ways but the underlying thoughts are actually pretty similar... its our our social pretext that has changed and your absolutely right, we are bombarded with womens views on this stuff... their womens views are currently seen as being socially far more important than those of men but guys can change that tho, we have every right to have our wants, needs, opinions voiced and understood to equal footing. This doenst mean degrading women or ignoring the progress they have made - its not about that... its about men making progress too. We dont have the same social support right now but the proof will be in the pudding. The more this is discussed the louder the communal voice will become and soon enough change will take place.I think we are at the start of that now and its a good thing for society as a whole.LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
i always see a hot girl and froth up i dont want to be big headed or anything but sometimes the guys there with they can do better vice virsa sometimes the quiet guys at the clubs etc are the keepers but they dont take action just appreciate the smiles add me on msn hun your hot lol i wont waste this moment
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RHP User
15 years ago
happy2play.............oh you are so on the money with what you have said here. good on you
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