What would you expect of your partner if you couldn't or didn't want to have sex anymore

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  ... I don't know, but I think I would get RSI :-(

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  If such an event were to occur, leaving one of us incapable of physical interaction, I believe the other would be allowed the freedom to find pleasure with another person, possibly with the disabled partner enjoying it through voyeurism.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  If unable I would be happy for them to go and get what they need elsewhere but I wouldn't want the details. If unwilling I would not expect them to stay but if they did then, again, I think they'd be entitled to go elsewhere. I would feel the same were roles reversed. People need and a right to have sex. It's a fundamental part of a relationship so I don't see how you can shut off someone's avenues to it and not expect that to be a problem for them. This is all assuming the relationship isn't open in the first place of course.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  My friend is currently going thru this situation rite now. Their spouse has been unwell for quite some time with vague symptoms but suffering from major depression, which naturally was affecting their sex life. My friend during this time, fed up with all that was happening at home (and I’m giving you the Readers Digest version) , has taken to NSA sex but has found it all rather unrewarding and there was also the guilt factor as their spouse did not know. However in the last few weeks, their spouse has been diagnosed with a fatal neurological disease – prognosis is 3-5 years, there is no cure and they will die from this illness. My friend’s world has turned upside down with this news (as it would) and my friend is looking at long term care which will be palliative, major lifestyle changes , from changes in diet to the way they shop etc. Everything in their world is now questionable My friend is now wondering WTF and why why why ???, they are both young enough to still be sexually active yet this will deteriorate between them in time as the disease progresses. My friend still wants sex and also needs it along with the need for touch and support, and will also need a break from their caring role….are they wrong to want something for themselves as they watch their spouse deteriorate? and this disease is particularly cruel showing no dignity to its victims. This situation has made me re -evaluate my stance on cheating. I do not condone cheating (no the spouse doesn’t not know and my friend naturally wants to keep in that way, why make them feel worse when they are already dealing with their dire prognosis ?) however, I love and adore my friend and will support them in any way I can to help them cope with the task that lies ahead as nursing their spouse will be massive issue. Does one try and grab some happiness in any shape or form however and whenever they can ? – for me , this has been a case of wrestling with my own moral stance on cheating, yet who am I to judge ? – however …I have been there. My husband died 11 years ago from rare form of cancer – he was 45. His prognosis from the day of diagnosis was 12 months and it was spot on. For the first 6 months of his illness, life was reasonably normal and we did everything we could together to live the life he wanted to live.. but when the cancer finally metastasised it struck hard and the last 6 months, well every day was a battle, for him to try and breath, let alone live another day. The last 6 months was full of palliative chemo, hospitals, oncologists and life for us, was surreal. During that 6 months I was run ragged (as all Carers are) and the only thing I longed for was sleep, an escape from what was impending, the last thing I could think of was sex with another. I wanted my husband and I wanted him back. Sex to us was replaced by intimacy, long nites and early mornings where we laid in bed holding hands and talking (he wasn’t even able to lay down properly and hold or even spoon me due to his breathing difficulties)….sex was replaced by the most beautiful and intimate moments of being able to say what we needed to say to each other without restraint. When he died, there was relief, that it was all over, his pain and suffering had finished, for me, it had just begun. It never entered my head to cheat – I was too bloody tired, I was emotionless and my sexual side was completely shut down, everything in my life was about him…his life, his survival, even though I knew the final outcome……to me, his illness just represented that part of my marriage vows that I swore to undertake thru sickness and in health thru good times and bad……….…having said that though, I think if I was nursing someone who had a chronic condition like the situation my friend is now in, I may feel different………because my situation was swift and quick, there was not time for others, we barely had time for ourselves…….but I now I am pretty sure I would think differently , if I was in my friends position. To each their own – you truly do not know how you will react until you are confronted with these situations; my hope for you all is that you don’t have to.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I have tears in my eyes after reading your beautiful post SLK....thank you xH

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  If I was too sick to fuck, I'd kill myself in preference to making them "save themselves" for may sake. Hugs Stalky

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  We talked about it - openly and honestly. We agreed to have an open relationship so that I could still have sex in my life. Eventually our relationship ended, but amicably, because we've always shown each other love and respect.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  If the person you love, heart, head, soul does not do it for you sexually? No matter how hard you try no matter all the counselling.Or they are unwell and could stay that way for a long time. I hurt my back so badly I did not have sex for three years, lucky I was single. Do you say, sorry your a crap lover, when they cant get enough of you? When there is no chemistry   Or take a lover or two   Lovers are like Pizza, you order one you eat it and you lick your lips and go mmm, fuck that was good Then you go home to the person you love, it says in sickness and in health does not not? When a person cannot give you what you need for some reason or an other, physical , psychological or emotional Do you just throw them away, are we that much of a Mc Donald culture No we do not we make the best of our situation   But we also live We take a lover and we live, fucking is the opposite to death   Ever read a Street Car Named Desire?   I feel for your friend SKL27   I know how much of a challenge it is for you to have that view on cheating. very compasionate of you.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  If for some reason we could meet each others needs intellectually, mentally, emotionally, physically etc needs but not sexually. We would both encourage each other to meet that need elsewhere respecting each others time and including each other where possible. Even if my libido was low I would condone nsa extra play- hang on we do it when everything is fine between us sexually there are other reasons to sexplore. :)Cass xxx

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  My wife and I are in this exact situation - it isn't an unwillingness thing, its an 'unable' - as another poster mentioned, due to psychological issues (which in turn affect the physiological, and in this case are merely 'issues', not full blown life threatening conditions!). But this is something we talked about, and after seeing doctors and mental health professionals the course forward for us, at least for a while, doesn't involve much sex for me :(BUT.Because we talked it about it openly and honestly, and she absolutely understands how hard it is for me, she suggested I find something NSA - as long as she didn't need to know the details, and knew I was happy, she would be happy.Which is why I'm here. :)

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