F56
What should I have done
May 10 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Gee Kitten he sounds like a bloody loony what an arse to put you through that!! No excuse good enough for that sort of rubbish, block him and don't go there again.
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RHP User
15 years ago
That is just nasty.......what an arsehole. I had a similar thing happen once and after getting upset called his bluff and told him to go ahead and do it. Of course he didnt (which is good) but you can kinda instinctively tell when someone isnt serious. As for signs....it's really tricky................. Damm I dont really know but I'm sure the wonderful women on here will have some great answers. x
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RHP User
15 years ago
Dontgothere - I have blocked him on here. I will never forgive him and don't ever want to have anything to do with him. My gut feeling was that he hadn't but the guilt of ending it and the feeling of distress that he had done it made me drive the 3 hrs. I couldn't handle the feeling responsible and the not know if he was dead or alive. I feel like I should have picked up signals/signs or that he knew I would drive 3hrs to check on him. I feel like a sucker.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Doesn't make you a sucker, just a good person who went out of their way to make sure someone was ok. And you were right to, it's better to feel a little silly than live with a different outcome on your concience
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RHP User
15 years ago
Dont be down on yourself for beleiving in someone, but next time beleive in yourself and your intuation *warning signs* before you drive three hours with the klenex. It gets tough when your caught up with someone as you do beleive in them- He's not the first and wont be the last to play the sucicide card, ill give you the hot tip here and now.If someone is playing you these are few of the signs you need look out for:-Excuses- sorry i didnt message you/return your call(s)/had to cancell over the weekend. GUYS love using the kids as an excuse-makes them look responsable (brownie points there)- You are feeling sorry for the 'grieving' bloke whilst he's fucking another bird off here- no doubt in text with her-sending the same goodnight texts to her as he was to you Monday through Friday. Guys will also use the "big day @ work/tiered/feeling sick *wishing you where here* excuse" so they dont need to speak with you.-#2 If you are catching up only for sex, chances are he thinks your an idiot and is using you. A big insult!Lesson learnt: Listen to what people say, but watch what they do. There are some real convincing morons out there- Love yourself and dont be relaint on an idiot from redhotpie to make you feel worth it because you will fall apart at the seams.Sorry to hear about this cock head, needs to be taken to a paddock and shot.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xxticklishxx' I had a similar thing happen once and after getting upset called his bluff and told him to go ahead and do it. Of course he didnt (which is good) but you can kinda instinctively tell when someone isnt serious. As for signs....it's really tricky................. You can? I think that is a VERY dangerous game to play ticklish. But I agree with the girls. What a c*nt. Defines the imagination as to why someone would want to do that to anybody. :(xxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'xxticklishxx' I had a similar thing happen once and after getting upset called his bluff and told him to go ahead and do it. Of course he didnt (which is good) but you can kinda instinctively tell when someone isnt serious. As for signs....it's really tricky................. You can? I think that is a VERY dangerous game to play ticklish. been there done that, and IMO, Meeka I could tell the person wasn't going to do anything... but... it isn't like they're bluffing about eating the last ice cream in the freezer, so you're somewhat forced into checking up on things. I'd rather be right and pissed off, than the alternate ending.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes, Syd but would you tell them to go do it? I understand it would get very frustrating if it is someone you know and they do it all the time. But still... what if one day they actually did do it. Happened to a friend of mine. Not a nice way to find your lover. xxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Yes, Syd but would you tell them to go do it? I understand it would get very frustrating if it is someone you know and they do it all the time. But still... what if one day they actually did do it. well that was my point. Whether I think they are or they aren't, it isn't something I could ignore - because as you say "what if".
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RHP User
15 years ago
That he was just being a prick. Those sorts of threats are the lowest form of blackmail. I guess if there had been any doubt in my mind I would have acted the same way Kitten did because life is precious. But you can kinda get a bit of an idea of how serious/honest a person is when you are in any form of relationship with them. And every relationship is different. And ultimately we can only be responsible for our own actions and not those of others. Lx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I commend your actions Kitten...driving such a distance and stressing and worrying. It says a lot about the type of wonderful person you are...be proud ! What a looser he is......Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Keep smiling
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RHP User
15 years ago
Kitten, for us victorian women.. share your story in swb... please...
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captainkaos
15 years ago
I can't imagine the mentallity of some people. No one deserves that sort of treatment. I personally would have gone in the house and warned the other woman what a loony he is. Hopefully that would have ruined his night as well.
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RHP User
15 years ago
There are some very strange people out there. At least you did the right thing Kitten, and can hold your head high.I would have been tempted to call the Police to his house, and let him explain it to them! What a dickhead!Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have absolutely no idea why you feel like a fool! In my eyes you are a very brave and caring human being! I believe that the tears you were in all the way home was just an outlet of the build up of all the texts/emails that he sent you that night! I don't understand why you are so down on yourself! I can understand why you would feel angry now as this guy just took advantage of how nice a person you are! You have to understand that not many people would do what you did at all! < Last year I was driving over a bridge out near my house when I saw a person standing on the top...I pulled over and reversed my car slowly back to where this person was standing and jumped out of my car! Imagine my shock when I saw that it was a girl who was about 15 years of age! I asked her not to jump and just to talk to me...thankfully she did! The police arrived about 5 minutes later and were so wonderful and caring to the young girl as well as myself! After they arrived I broke down and thought I was going to have a heart attack! The police informed me that this girl does this very often, but that she had never had anyone stop before to help her! I got angry when I got home and burst into tears again...not at the fact that the girl does this often...but the anger that noone else had ever stopped to help her! I was angry as I thought of all the cars that kept driving past...the fact that they would be "late" for wherever they were going rather than to try and help someone who needed them! I am happy to report though that I saw one of the officers last week and he said she has never been back on the bridge again and is now getting her life in order since I "stopped" her from jumping! She was shocked that a stranger cared! < There are a lot of emotions that you will go through...anger at yourself for being "duped" as one of them! But you need to look at this in a positive light hun...Even though your "gut" told you he was not going to do anything .. you still allowed your caring side to take over and go and make sure that he was in fact ok! Be proud of who you are as a person and don't be down on yourself! What you did was wonderful hun! Don't even give him a second thought...people come into peoples lives for a reason...and I am betting my left tit that this guy will not pull this prank again! My guess is he is feeling the right pratt and is embarrassed! I wouldn't give him the free rent in your head by going over and over it! You did great! xox xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sadly the world is full of really weird people who don't care who they hurt. Why anyone would come up with such a story is beyond belief but they are out there. Keep him out of your life and don't accept any manipulative excuses he may come up with in the future. Stay true to yourself and listen to your 'warning signs', if they pop up don't make rash decisions but be wary and on guard. If he is not for you, move on and keep looking. Good luck.
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RHP User
15 years ago
That's one pretty fucked up dude but you can't be everyone's mum... or priest. YOU phoned the police... that ought to have set you free from further responsibility or guilt... There's more to this though... .I mean to say... are you a professional counsellor? What do you really know about preventing suicide anyway? How do you know you aren't doing more harm than good? My take on these things is to leave it to people who really know their stuff. Having said that, I have to say further.... that most counsellors take on board other people's grief just so that they do not have to think about their own. They're avoiding thier own baggage and getting joy from the idea that other people are at least as worse off than they are. I think it's unhealthy to get involved in other people's baggage and we should all leave it to the professionals. That doesn't mean I don't care... it means I care enough not to interfere and get it all wrong. You "helpers" cannot rescue the world... but you can keep a keen eye out for people in need of a smile and a greeting and a listener..... but that boof head was just taking advantage of your nurturing nature. Who knows why. Who cares really.Anyway, this says a lot for the old shag, tag and release strategy. Names and addresses... who needs them! HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
And they wonder why they get bagged so heavily on RHP. Many of us are here for the right reasons and harmless, and then there are those f-----g cretins who selfishly come here for the soul purpose of satisfying their own pleasures without any respect for their victims.... These morons scan the profiles then set about stalking until they find a victim they can use and take advantage of, just like this fucking moron Kitten had the misfortune to meet. He deserves to be banned from here for good... grrrrrr... Im sure there are plenty of the innocent guys on RHP who would love to spend just 5 minutes with this lowlife.. Mr JJ
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hunny, thats a terrible thing for someone to put you through, and you don't deserve that!Its hard to spot an experienced player, as they get good at conning people and they often aim towards people that won't catch on to them - ie kind hearted or not learned up about them.I think being upfront with people helps avoid these kinds of people - I make it clear from early on what the go is... ie word to the wise that while I am kind and sweet, but if someone is stupid enough to try and pull a con on me, I will find out and then they WILL be kicked in the groin, hard!
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RHP User
15 years ago
oh he tried the oh feel sorry for me thing .. First Class Fucking Dickhead ... what a complete fucking cock sucking looser you are way better off without that Nut Job in your life. I think it is called Dodging a Bullet Wast of fucking space he is a load that should have been swallowed
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RHP User
15 years ago
Stalkers I am no "helper" and I freely admit I don't have a clue about any of it. Actually one of my closet friends suffers from depression and it runs in her family. We have been friends since we were about 10 years old - we are like sisters and in 30 years she has only spoken to me twice about it. I know she is deeply ashamed of it for some reason. About 5 years ago she told me she was suicidal. I just listened and I didn't know what to say. Her grandmother committed suicide so the whole conversation shocked me to the core as my friend is always the life of the party. So outgoing and happy I just didn't realise. To this day I always want to ask her HOW SHE IS but I don't know how to bring it up. Not sure if that is just me taking the easy way out? xx Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi, I have studied relationship counselling and psychology. Just a short comment. Until you have established a pattern of meetings face to face and asked all the relevant questions, hold back. -- i.e., the time for asking searching questions , is early on. Don't be too polite. Very sorry to hear this story. But it is all part of the wide world of good guys and bad guys, and some in the middle haha. J
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RHP User
15 years ago
as a general rule, people who talk about suicide rarely carry anything out. its a general rule, not set in stone as some do carry it out, and that type have additional issues.normal suicides are usually followed by a whole bunch of people who had no idea, there was no hints and most friends had no idea the person was even depressed.this asshat is just playing mind games, probably trying to get you into a position of guilt if you ever thought about stopping the play sessions for fear of him doing anything.in the states its a criminal offense, not to sure about here.
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RHP User
15 years ago
The flags were up, and your gut told you something wasn't right, but you didn't bail right out when maybe you should've? I know sometimes our gut instinct is wrong, and sometimes we perceive things to be there when they're not (and vice versa), but a lesson I've learnt is to trust my gut instinct. Theres a reason why we all have it. In saying that, keep holding your head high, because it'sl that caring and worrying side of you, that helps make you a decent lass. And don't let one asshole taint that in any way.
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RHP User
15 years ago
It says a lot about you! In a veryg ood way. Your actions are above reproach, I think you did what many of us here would like to think we would do if we came accross anyone in that much distress. I got caught out similarly quite a few years ago with a girl, and not on this site. I have no idea what drives these people, but the "suicide card" as someone else called it seems not to be that uncommon. Simply it is emotional blackmail. It is always hard to tell when someone is really "on the edge" or not so I reckon you did the right thing by taking it seriously and trying to get him some help, I have met a few people that ignored what was a genuine cry for help and had it end tragically and I would not wish that on my worst enemy (have to get myself one of those sometime, an arch-enemy). I am not sure there is any definitive way to pick them, but people who engage in this kind of behaviour tend to be very controlling, to isolate you from others. Perhaps the only thing you can do is rely on your gut instincts and input from your friends, and even then you won't always pick them. I would like to think they are very much in the minority though, so at least the odds are good you won't come accross too many more of them. As for stalking, there are no excuses. Ever. If this person turns out to be a stalker, call the Police right away. There are things that can and should be done if that turns out to be the case. Last thing, as one of the people that gets the call to go out and see if someone is in that terrible place where life seems the worse option, you did the right thing. You should be proud of your actions, because how would you have felt if you didn't call the Police or the Ambos and he really had taken something. Your actions do you credit. Andrew
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'xxticklishxx' I had a similar thing happen once and after getting upset called his bluff and told him to go ahead and do it. Of course he didnt (which is good) but you can kinda instinctively tell when someone isnt serious. As for signs....it's really tricky................. You can? I think that is a VERY dangerous game to play ticklish. But I agree with the girls. What a c*nt. Defines the imagination as to why someone would want to do that to anybody. :(xxMeeka People who are gonna commit suicide do so. They dont talk about it. They dont ring someone and let them know until it is too late. I would have told him to go right ahead. Not my fault or my problem. If he wants the sympathy vote he would have chosen the wrong one here. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with life. We all have our sob stories and his would have been no worse than a lot and better than most. Meeka, depression is a recognised illness and nine times out of ten is corrected by the right medication. It can be genetic and can be triggered by external factors such as stress. Your friend is probably fine. Those closest to her probably know the symtoms by now for when her medication is not working and needs a little tweaking. l People suicide because they are firmly convinced that the world and/or thier loved ones would be better off without them. No one will notice if they are gone anyway. There is nothing you or I can do about it. It makes those left behind feel really guilty and this is not the intention of the person who has just topped themselves, they are normally so wrapped up in what they are feeling that nothing much occurs to them except escape from thier pain...either real or imagined. Most people in this situation have little to no sex drive anyway. l It is tricky to know when we are being played. I am a non trusting type of person and a mini investigator anyway so I soon sniff out the lies. Dont feel bad Kitten, you went over and above what the normal person would have done.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Meeka - as a person diagnosed with depression way to long ago to remember I can tell you that those of us who do live with the illness are damn good at faking being the life of the party...its just something you do to get through the day - especially if the meds are not working the way they should be, too much stress is putting pressure on you and the list goes on...my close family and friends can tell when I should be back on medicatoion (as do I) and will regularly guide me to the doctors surgery to get a script when the time is getting close...when you live with the illness for a long time you learn your triggers and learn to take steps to minimise the impact they have on you... . I am a lucky one...I have found things that work for me that mean I dont require the medication as much as I used to and have been medication free for just over 12 months now...I am not 'cured' by any means just managing my symptoms and changing aspects of my life that triggered episodes in me . Kitten - it can be a little tough at times to tell if you are being played..some people are very good at it...how to tell??? Well if someone finds a definitive way can they let us all know??? / Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Not sure how to really say anything as this just seems so bloody surreal but to Kitten, you did what you felt and thought was right, for that you need to look proudly at yourself and hold your head high that you placed your care for another person where you did. For that you should be thanked and congratulated as many people nowadays simply play deaf, dumb and blind to another person's situation, often until it is sadly to late.For this 'thing' (sorry, struggling a little for a good descriptive word) to then play you in the manner you have described is beyond low, and totally undeserving of any feelings short of 'karma awaits him'.Gazz has lost friends and family through the 'black dog' of depression, one of which will stay with him until Gazz departs the earth. This was a close cousin who was a genuine fantastic lovable guy, but underneath the demon brewed yet nobody could see it, until sadly a phone call came. Only last year a guy whom Gazz rode bikes with succumbed to the illness thus again leaving behind the hurt and questions of those around as to what could they have done as we could see nothing.You showed by your actions the care that makes one a person whom is to be admired for your thoughts, remember that.He on the other hand showed a level of thought that is deserving of nothing short of utter contempt, he will get his one day.Shell and Gaz
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RHP User
15 years ago
Run Forest Run
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RHP User
15 years ago
A lot of people have already said this, but just to reinforce them. Please don't feel like you are a gulliable fool. You are obviously a caring, loving, awesome human being, and this dick has just played to your nice side. You did the right thing, and have nothing to feel ashamed of. Just smile, don't let him get to you, be proud of your commendable actions, carry on, and remember that this guy is a douche, and there are many of them out there, and keep on being the awesome person you are :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
What a wanker. He must have 2 dicks coz you can't be that stupid pulling 1. You drove 3 hours to make sure he was right. UNBELIEVABLE Well mark him up as a"woops" moment and on to the next. Good times just around the corner.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thank you all so much I really appreciate your kind words and advice. I was "shell shocked" at his behaviour when I posted this topic. I felt like I should have picked up that he was playing me but now I realise he is a master at his mind games. I still don't understand his motivation for saying he was going to suicide. To me it was cruel and incensitive. Stalky is right about me having a helper/rescue personality. I'm a nurse and think that the majority of us in the health profession have that personality. I have learnt one hell of a lesson and will be making it quiet clear to the next guy that I meet that if he wants to play games he needs to go back to kinder. As many of you have said, the gut instinct is there for a reason and I should have listened to it more.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thank you all so much I really appreciate your kind words and advice. I was "shell shocked" at his behaviour when I posted this topic. I felt like I should have picked up that he was playing me but now I realise he is a master at his mind games. I still don't understand his motivation for saying he was going to suicide. To me it was cruel and incensitive. Stalky is right about me having a helper/rescue personality. I'm a nurse and think that the majority of us in the health profession have that personality. I have learnt one hell of a lesson and will be making it quiet clear to the next guy that I meet that if he wants to play games he needs to go back to kinder. As many of you have said, the gut instinct is there for a reason and I should have listened to it more.
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RHP User
15 years ago
What a loser.I think you should put his name up for all to see to shame him.I also am a nurse and get 'sucked in'by people who appear to be genuine but are not as it is in our nature tobe kind and caring .Don't ever lose that quality or undermine it...but learn from your mistakes.There are nice people out there...just have to kiss a few frogs first...xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
name and shame is the best remedy for that looser fess up to rhp save face for all the good intended ppl on rhp in the future fair bump play on you will know the signs better next time all the best
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RHP User
15 years ago
"...a lesson I've learnt is to trust my gut instinct. Theres a reason why we all have it. In saying that, keep holding your head high, because it's that caring and worrying side of you, that helps make you a decent lass. And don't let one asshole taint that in any way." SPOT ON LAD
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have had the displeasure of dealing with a very similar situation, and in end it boils down to respect, i.e. if the she had any respect for me at all, she would have talked to me about what was going on, well before she got to tha point. problem is I actually started to care for her, even after I vowed I'd never give my heart to another woman.She even had the gaul to text me later saying that was one of the most exciting things she'd ever done.It tells me there's some seriously sad people out there.But , I've also found some genuinely great people too, Keep Smiling.
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