F45
What does "casual" mean to you?
March 19 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
They're attached !!!! But hey I know what you mean and I do feel your frustration. Its happened to me as well Even though there is argument as to whether this is a sex site or dating site or whatever, my own experience has been this I have found that if I meet someone like at a wine bar etc and we are both interested, I have no problem in them initiating contact, being respectful, being interested, following up, turning up etc, kinda of like in the old days prior to the internet. But if I make or have contact or dealings with someone from this site , or similar sites, it appears to be whole new set of rules and that being, that who they are behind the computer monitor is not who they are in RL, for a myriad of reasons. Sure there are genuines, I've met a couple, but I believe for the most part, the people are attached or far from what they make out to be. My advice is keep trying but expect nothing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Ive had a couple of great FWBs. There are guys out there who do want that ongoing situation. Its ideal......you have a good friend you can hang out with, have great sex with and there are no hassles or endless texts asking where you are or what you are up to. Took me a while to find them though. But yes, you will get the chancers who say that its what they are after and instead they are looking for one off hook ups. Eventually your intuition will tell you who these guys are. Dont lose faith, Ive been really lucky .... just tell yourself you are not disposable ( use once and discard). Looking at your profile, you should have no problems finding some genuine guys, good luck xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Don't lose heart! You have a lot to offer and there will be guys who know that they will be lucky to have you as their FWB and who will show you due appreciation for that. Sometimes, it takes time to come across guys who will actually become good FWB's and in the meantime, thank your lucky stars that you didn't get used by one of these other men as a one-night stand! If a man doesn't respect you enough to plan ahead and set aside time for you, but decides to simply turn up on a whim and fancy, then it goes to indicate that they are very selfish and thinking of their own needs only, and you might have been their back-up call. That's pretty cad-ish behaviour to me and warrants a "thanks, but no thanks", end-of-story response IMO. Casual does not mean "all manners out the window" and it's definitely not an invitation to be used and abused and disrespected. Any man who assumes that is not someone worthy of playing with you, OP. Good riddance, I'd say! Hang in there for the right FWB! Good luck!
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RHP User
10 years ago
on both ocasions there pics were hot and they seemed overly keen to meet. However, didn't show up. I seem to think now, even on 'verified' profiles, if they dont show their face with their'hot body shots' they are probs fake/stollen images. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Those pre-requisites on your profile are pretty awesome...e.g. attractive, great body, high IQ, single, free time etc Possibly some guys thought they'd try their luck, got the opportunity for a meet and then thought 'hold up, if she sees what I'm really like...' because it's pretty unlikely (albeit plausible) anyone is going to meet all those requirements. Obviously there are endless threads saying about married men backing out for fear of being sprung etc but tbh your 'looking for' stuff is pretty up there lol It indeed may take some patience to snare your man
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Cersai
10 years ago
I appreciate your comments, sometimes think it's not worth the bother! I'd love to hear from any guys who are brave enough to provide insight into this type of behaviour too! 😉
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RHP User
10 years ago
"I'd never do that" etc so my opinion has been written off already. Your probably right, your wasting your time. Was that brave enough for you ?
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jenniecruising
10 years ago
Given your criteria RHP returns 19 pages of suitable profiles (verified). Of those 19 pages you can look at the first two pages for profiles that have logged on in the last month, the 17 remaining pages of profiles you can disregard. So you have roughly 40 males aged between 30-40 that are at least attractive, verified, single and local to Sydney. Of those 40 males you need someone keen to be non-committal but still enjoy a night out for a movie and a drink but nothing more serious. Intelligent lets take 10% (being generous) and can hold a decent conversation that's another 10% and you are left with a very shallow pond in which to fish ;) Cruising :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
"I'd never do that" etc so my opinion has been written off already. Your probably right, your wasting your time. So..... The about me is one sentence, everything else is about your wants. You have no sexual interests and no fetishes. How many profiles have you seen that meet your wants and how many of those have you flicked a flirt to or written to ? Or is the world just expected to throw itself at your feet ? Was that brave enough for you ? Good profile name though.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
The lets do it now guys are refugees from that other site where its on the spur of the moment thing. Maybe it works sometimes to hook up in an hour. Doesnt work for me as i need time to morph from frog to princess Annie. But having said that, the recent hookups on my couples profile that have been on the spur of the moment have worked better than the planned ones. But i'm talking later that day rather than an hour or 2. A lot of guys get nervous. A meetup that is planned a week or more in advance enables the nerves to multiply too much. Several days to think about it. Several days of wanking in anticipation. When the big day comes its all a bit overwhelming. Organise a meet several hours out or a day or 2 at most will increase the success. And dont over message once the meet is planned. That way they have less sexy talk to try and live up to and thus less chance of being too nervous to perform. And therefore easier to stay home and keep it as a fantasy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Only looking for younger men so your pool is a bit limited for more than just sex. Attractive members of Mensa are small in number here too. Casual to me implies nothing ongoing,one off or very occasional ,so perhaps you have your wires crossed a little. Most people here experience the no shows or the serial cancellers..I just always assume the budgie must have died 😝xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
the reality may be that a 30 yr old with all that you seek is looking elsewhere,dare i say younger or closer to his own with out the drama's I would ask what is it that you are offering him ?your profile reads to me - jump over all these hurdles and you may be worthy pfft !
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RHP User
10 years ago
Your experience sounds like some of the men who answer adverts on the Gumtree site! No more listing the mobile number!
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Cersai
10 years ago
I set out what I'm looking for to save the time of the reader and myself. It's not about being worthy, but it is about being clear. I also say that I'm not asking for anything i'm not bringing to the table, so by implication the long list of "wants" is also the "about me". I know some guys want younger girls, but then why contact me, chat for days or weeks, ask for photos, arrange a meet and then back out at the last minute? But thanks for taking the time to respond to the thread.
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Cersai
10 years ago
I realise that posting in the forums means opening yourself up to criticism but my post was about why men who you are talking to either won't make arrangements to meet or only want to meet right now. I'm fortunate enough to have lots of interest on this site, some of whom I'm genuinely interested in.....but all too often trying to meet is like chasing smoke. But thanks for your critique of my profile, it was very interesting.
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RHP User
10 years ago
verifying your profile if its not already as it make make people think you are real. having said that i've had it happen heaps of times too. Just the way it is i think which is annoying but what can you do?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Its been said already miss Cersai..... if they're evasive..... theres a reason... and you don't need to be connected to that reason. They will always be unreliable, and often fail to show you the consideration you expect because they are already obligated to do that elsewhere. Don't let anyone tell you your list is too long, or limiting etc. Its YOUR list, and you have it for reasons which you know.If others don't meaty your preferences or standards, that is their issue.. and not something to make as your issue. That said, people, can sometimes have genuine reasons to not meet, and comments can be misinterpreted and taken out of context. Thats where your experience putting your list together comes into play. As you said, there are plenty of people showing you attention (and its a logical thing to think they're sharing that attention around)..... so... the audition process continues.
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RHP User
10 years ago
To me "casual" means a polo shirt , brogues and slacks. "FWB casual" is as per above, but minus the slacks. Obi1
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Obi1Kenietzsche' To me "casual" means a polo shirt , brogues and slacks. "FWB casual" is as per above, but minus the slacks. Obi1 lol this had me laughing out loud, great stuff obi1
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't think your list is unreasonable or too much, it's less than mine lol but some valid points have been made above regarding age. I've come to expect and understand that younger guys also have a pool of people their own age to choose from, I certainly wouldn't factor into a relationship, so although I share your frustrations on occasion, I understand the way it works. If it weren't for sites like this, I'd be high and dry, which I am most days anyway lol but I kind of work on the 'split the difference' theory. If I have the chance to spend intimate time with someone who tick all my boxes, I don't get too titchy about the detail. New hookups I treat differently to ongoing. Ongoing, I can meet reasonably quickly, but that's because I WANT to, I know how good it'll be, there's no filtering or caution required. New guys who try to hook up quickly, it doesn't happen unless it's random real world. They have to understand some kind of connection and trust on the internet at least, makes the encounter sooooooo much better, even if it's just a few messages, over a few days, anything to build trust and get to know them a little. It's not that hard really, just some don't get that. Don't lose heart though. From my experience, the good ones are extremely hard to find but it goes in waves
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RHP User
10 years ago
forgot to say, your preferred age range is fine for casual only, sex basically, and obviously not nearly as big as my age gap with play partners, so absolutely fine, but as said above, a 30 yr old will be looking for a girl in her 20's to go to the movies with, not a woman in her 40's IMHO. I have a strong opinion on fwb which I've aired on the forum, but I really don't think there is any such thing, in my view, women treat it like a relationship, most times anyway, so guys want sex without that, can't blame them really. My opinion is they would choose the woman in her 20's, slightly younger to do the real life things with, so it's just a matter of settling in and accepting the way it works really. I also think the 'looking for fwb' to do things with will scare a lot off, but it's honest and you have to be honest, you just might need to be more patient finding those guys in the age bracket you're hoping for, my 2 cents
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RHP User
10 years ago
to one individual 'significant other'. Unfortunately, there seem to be an enormous number of guys on site who are already committed to a significant other, even if they are using the site to chase around after other (insignificant??) others. I was in that situation myself, while my marriage was breaking down ... but I never led people on. If women/couples asked, I was happy to tell them I was attached, and simply chatting - but not going to meet. After I separated, I was able to follow some of them up, and then enjoyed meeting etc. Honesty goes a long way imho ... but the chance to hide behind a computer screen gives people all sorts of ideas about what's okay and not okay.
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QLDtwo4fun
10 years ago
Somewhere is Sydney there will be swingers' parties. A good party requires single guys, not just couples. Some parties aim for a particular guy girl ratio, and No means No. Parties takes a heap of the stuffing around out of finding single guys. 1. They are generally single or allowed to be there 2. If they make a dick of themselves they don't get asked back 3. You can talk to them without obligation or expectation 4. You can take them for a test drive. Can't be more efficient and casual than that. Mr . Q
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