M41
Virgin at 40. Should I keep trying?
September 04 2024
It's not been encouraging at all, particularly on-line. I'm usually rejected (or insulted on occasion) for my appearance or am ghosted. In that regard, I'm not sure how to improve matters (yes, I do work out but it's not enough). I can be charming and funny, but I don't make it to a stage where I can show that side very often.
I'm pretty straight-laced, wouldn't dream of crass messages or ... "sending of appendages" or believing I'm entitled to someone's time or body. I'm not desperate for it, I just feel it's part of the human experience I should try.
I figure I'm just too old now, given some of the messages and the expectations around where a man "should be" at this age. I understand, people want what they want when they want it.
I'd be interested in hearing experiences of other "extremely late bloomers". Did you find anyone? For anyone else, do you think I should throw in the towel?
Comments
NeoAndTrin
4 months ago
If constant rejection is a thing for you, you could always try paying for it. If it is just the experience you're after...
FeistyFatty
4 months ago
Pay for an escort. You can get an GF experience to make it more organic for you. Good luck 🤞
RHP User
4 months ago
Never too late. I have good friends where he was a 33 year old virgin when they met. Been married for over 20 years now. They did swing a while which is how I met them. How they bonded was they were both passionate musicians. So my suggestion is you might find a partner who is interested in the same things. Sex can be part of that connection in time
Felicitous
4 months ago
Sorry to hear of your past difficulties.
Pleased for you they are resolved.
I agree with the above.. if things aren't moving in the right direction organically on here - why not outsource?! You can tailor your experience to suit your needs, as well, you can focus on your needs and not have the pressure of theirs.
It might give you more confidence moving forward in seeking/finding others.
That said if your belief system is oriented such that there is shame associated with that.. don't pursue it. Only you will know what's right for you.. but certainly don't give up.
I love the expression 'Make it your goal but not your God' ... In the meantime - investing energy into yourself/ doing things that give you joy - might have you meet someone like minded away from here.
More focus on the journey and less on the destination! All the best.
Alexis
4 months ago
It's definitely not too late to start. People have sex right through into their seventies and eighties so there's still a lot of time for you to enjoy. Sex is fun, but it's definitely not the holy grail of a happy life like it's made out to be.
I was a bit of a late starter, my first time was in my mid twenties. I remember it being such a big deal throughout my early twenties. It was such a point of shame for me that I would end up sabotaging any chances I had with someone so I could affirm my belief that a woman wouldn't really want to be with me. Looking back, that was really all in my head. Once I had worked my way through the subconscious barriers it just happened organically.
There's also a pretty insane online world these days where everyone is talking about the "body count" almost making sex, dating, and relationships into some sort of formula to be solved. In the real world, it doesn't work like that and nobody really gives a shit how many people you've slept with.
I would recommend trying to move your life offline a bit more and into meeting people in person. Make some organic friendships with women and men. At the same time try to build up your confidence and comfort in who you are as a person. Don't build your identity around being a virgin, it's really a small, quite irrelevant part of your being.
I think if you do this, eventually it will just happen naturally.
FantasyForfil
4 months ago
Where are you located 40 yr old virgin ?
nightingale8
4 months ago
There’s the ‘sticking-a-penis-in’ kind of sex and there’s connected, hot saucy, intimate sex. For the latter, you don’t necessarily need the dick… at least it’s just the last course.
I agree with the above suggestion on outsourcing. But if not, perhaps a greater focus on all the bases before home run might yield that intimacy you’re looking for?
I’m talking out of my arse here
My midnight two centsStartingAt40
4 months ago
Thankyou for the input everyone. I've decide to keep trying a bit longer, and will consider the other suggestions if there's no traction on here.
OverLooking
3 months ago
A virgin at ur age!? Oh my god so unicorns do exist!! I find that durably sexy if that even is a thing!!
But I live in Brisbane.. otherwise I’d love to be your first!!
Have u tried a porn industry!??
I love watching the occasional video from time to time and only once came across HIS first time video (plural) just one and not a gay one either!
I love to see their reaction!OverLooking
3 months ago
And u look so young and cute, too!
There’s some really hunky men on here but they’re not my cup of tea really once they start talking.. might get the odd gentleman though 🥰
gazpacho
3 months ago
Slap a bit of hot arse on your bucket list bud. Tomorrow is late night shopping. If you’re game, go for the dragons talon special massage and sort yourself out with the ginger pickle.
Jonny_Vanders69
3 months ago
Get off line and get your arse out and about mate.
Nothing beats getting out and about and making contact with others. It can benefit your confidence for a start. Online people can choose to ignore you. In person not so much.
bigtits4u
3 months ago
Pm me. Im in Melbourne. Lets chat x
StartingAt40
3 months ago
In the end, I've decided to give up. I think a decade of trying is enough time to get a feel for how things are going. It is too late and no one is tolerant of mitigating circumstances. Some are even disgusted by it
The qualities I am expected to possess at this age, well it's been made clear to me that I'm not even close. I also realized I'm not comfortable with paying.
I gave it a proper go, thanks to all that tried to help me, and I wish you all the best.
madotara69
3 months ago
All one can promise anyone is whatever it may be, is to be the very best with true intensions you can and you can. It will help if when looking into the mirror the man staring back is your friend. Now you are friend and finding friends is finding the best in them and there is many along this path you may travel.. wishing they could find someone like you.
Think happy thoughts and happy things happen mate.
Mado
Mado Tara xx
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