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RHP

RHP User

F69

Upbringing has lots to answer towards our sexual freedom, especially for women

May 03 2014

My dad was a typical male....he could do anything and his daughters had to stay virgins until the day they died, and the son got a high 5, as a stud. I was very angry as a teenager about this. In my upbringing religion wasn’t the negative factor, we had a Restaurant/pup and I saw lots of things happen, which as a 5 year old and growing up in this environment I didn’t understand. You saw things and the double standard your parents portrayed toward your sexuality as a teenager didn’t make sense. My mum was very sexy and I could see she played with the men so they drink more and stayed longer in the bar. I could see she played on the men’s sexual desire and she was very, very good at it, which I could see later in my life but didn’t analyse as a child, I only got this mixed messages. As a growing up child and then a young woman, you see and learn, and it confuses you very much. The punishment for being free was harsh....that’s why I can’t handle today when men want to slap my bottom during sex...lol. I get very angry should sex get rough. What confused me deeply were the judgmental stages about sex my parents went through when it was about us two girls. When boys came in the Restaurant for us, my father asks them to leave. As I got older my dad called me a whore and slapped me in the face in front of a very good looking young man....my world collapsed in front of me. I was label by my dad as a whore and was still a virgin. This hurt and stayed with me for a long time. I couldn’t get, why my parents portrait sexuality so open and punished us girls for it so harshly. I stayed a virgin until I met my husband, maybe the stigma to be a “whore” was so strong, and also being told I was ugly. Did this influence my sexual freedom, oh yes very much! I was always shy of my body and my sexuality. I was lucky because I had a partner who guide me slowly and showed me what it is all about and how wonderful it is. Still I did not come out of my hiding as a very free sexual being until he passed away and I had to look at myself for the first time, really look at me for the first time. Many things came crushing down....I had so many questions for myself. The freedom it brought me in every way and being away so far from my family and home, brought me to this stage in my life. In my case, my parent’s harsh treatment towards sex and sexuality screwed me up first, and then I saw the light. My body, my inner wild child, my love for sex and my love for the male is now free. Free to express it, free to live it. I can see where my parents came from, and it saddens me we get influenced so deeply by shame....for some through religion for others through mixed messages. I am still not sure, why we are so ashamed of all this. Only through sex and being sexual can we reproduce. Maybe religion tried to contain our sexual energy and the only way to do this was through teaching us the punishment will strike us when we die. Our human sexual energy is very strong and only our mind can keep it in line,J so to speak. The powers to be; come up with damnation, hellfire and what not. The only question still remains why for women more the men? Is it because women have a much bigger sexual appetite when let lose? What do you think?

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Thanks for posting and sharing a heartfelt post for sure! Well you've got confidence now and that is very sexy I'm looking forward to the inevitable replies.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    ...and I'm so sorry that you lost him. Finally, I love that you are such a strong and resilient woman that you can endure the many difficulties you have shared with the rest of us forumites over the years and still remain such a bright and cheerful beacon to others. The bakery is a better place for having you in it. We all have baggage from our childhood. Some overcome it and learn from it while others let it define them. I spent a great deal of time in my life as the latter before reforming to be more like the former. My Dad was a dominant man who saw everything in black and white, was short of temper, had a tendency to deal out punishment with a closed fist and was never wrong. My Mother was gentle, patient and caring. As a young adult, going into marriage for the first time, I took my parents' dynamics as a model for a traditional home. My wife's Father was a doting (even hen pecked) husband so her ideals were at odds with my own and our early years together were tumultuous. Eventually, I mellowed and my Mother's influence won over. It wasn't enough to save my first marriage but it was enough to save my relationship with my Father. He saw the patient way I was with my own children, was impressed by it and regretted the way he was when I was young. We are very close today and respect each others differences.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    We all have this burdens inside us and we can only try to do it better with our children. And as you said Jensman I am resilient and a fighter, and I tell you why......I looked for freedom.....freedom to express myself and freedom to be ME.....I am lucky I went away....but without my husband I would have never done it. So in a way he was the driving force to my freedom....and I am a very very lucky woman indeed. I will never stop loving people and as free as I am sex and all this bit on RHP I can not do with out love in my heart. The men I meet the men who come to my little paradise I will love.....because I am love. Writing this makes me happy, happy I can say it loud.....and I an show my love to this men and I am not afraid to do so. hahahhh I scare some very much....because they think by showing love you want to keep em.....and thats not what it is all about Love is giving people freedom not binding them to you. Do I make sense?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I agree Litonya. I think our views of sexuality due to cultural and religious teachings are totally fucked up really. If we were all taught to appreciate our bodies and that sex is something beatiful to share around, how much better would our lives be?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Or isn't the European upbringing you think?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I don't have an answer to your question though - the bottom line is, you should never have had to go through what you went through. The cliche is our parents always have screwed us up in some way. Fortunately for me when i was going through some shit in my mid-20's one final judgemental email from my mum and I blew up. A very long hr phone call to the parents and a lot bad memories/ scars were opened and resolved. My parents are my parents and whilst they haven't changed overnight, they're human just like me and have gotten better since that night. The truth is, my parents had no idea about some of the events that I brought up - no recollection of hurt they'd caused. My point is that sometimes people just don't realise the damage an action or a word can have on someone. The comfort I have is no matter how screwed up somethings happened between me and my parents, I know they loved me and did the best job they could. Yep, some of the things that happened have effected me - but I'm pretty sure within reason, most of us have had something to an extent (and please don't think I'm downplaying your experiences Litonya to make them sound small, I didn't experience what you've gone through). The best part for me was that I was able to confront it, rectify it, forgive it and move on. I don't have a close relationship with my pairs, too long together back at home and I need to leave. But I know if I needed their help they'd be there in a second, and that's just a very blessed feeling.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    There have been periods of decadence where all that was sexual was celebrated and, dare I say it, put on a pedestal. Churches and public places are painted and adorned with all sorts of sexual practises by men and women, um and whatever in all sorts of licentious positions. Violence is more universally accepted than sex in the modern world currently. Women and children no more important than chattels. . Ahem, probably thank religion? The ultimate hypocrites... . This ties in on the man/woman thing imo, there being double standards that women were indeed chattels in the past. The enagement ring was actually rercognition in rich society that the marriage was actually a business contract. . Mixed up post maybe but the overriding message I've gotten from history is that it's largely 'his story'. Too funny if you get to see this post Jman, considering posts of ours recently.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    My thoughts again.......as women of today.....are we still letting all this influence our children? And I mean both, we cant make young men into females...the man in a man should be still worshiped.....and also the woman.......how can we change to real sexual freedom, is it even possible? Is it up to us as females to be the driving force, we are the mothers and mostly the influence on our children? And still my strong believe is.......there is an underlying fear of the female sexuality....in males, without their conscious knowledge, it is so ingrained the male through a long history of telling them we are the enemy and evil within. This female sexual energy.... I don't mean.....what most people call pussy power....I mean the sheer appetite for sex without all the restrictions in our minds......is powerful......so do we fear it? So many questions......so many unanswered. Would women be like raging tiger where our appetite can not be stilled by enough males, when unleashed?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I love my parents too. I am tomorrow on the way home to Germany. I wanted to talk to my dad but I was to late, he died fast three years ago and I just arrived to late....but as it is I have I hope forgiven him, and with my Mum its just a little tiny battle each time I come home, but I love her to bits. I bed my sons have some issues with me.....100% because I made mistakes in one way or another. And my parents came from a diff rent background and lifestyle..... I hope my post doesnt come across that I hate my parents....I did as a teenager for sure, and then I became a parents and I learned a lot. Still I hope in my heart I have given my sons a open and truthful sexual honesty.....and freedom to be what ever they want, its not my life they live its theirs. You know I am sitting here crying, I will also see my oldest in Germany and I love him much...and I am lucky I have beautiful great thinking questioning men, in both of my sons......they question all the time......and I love it.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    As a parent, I tried to encourage my daughters to use their power for themselves, not as a weapon against men. In the great scheme of things, both my girls are rather conservative, stuffed if I know why. My sexual life was horrendous as a child, and also my first penetrative sex was at the ripe old age of 18 but it was rape. Growing up I wore the patch of the slut, perhaps because at 14 I was 36 24 36 that is inches, boys as I am old.Everyone thought I was doing IT! My fathers friends could not keep their hands of me and all that did was frighten the hell out of me regarding men. My mother ran of with a guy and left us in a home for along time. It was not a safe place and it was a religious home and the hypocrisy of that defies imagination. As those that are following the royal commission know. Its such a shame that sex is about power in the wrong hands, and not about love.sex is used in war as a weaponits used in marriage as a weapon or as some kind of collateral to get what you want. women have the wrong end of the stick all over the world as its something that can be taken off us anytime, we kid ourselves its an equal world and we are safe. Even old women in their houses are not safe from sexual assault. we are told as girls, guard that hymen its worth so much, in bartering, in getting the right husband, in making your family proud, giving them wealth. its so important you can even sell it Keep loving the way you do Litonya...claim that pussy baby and make the most of your loving I know I do, I have shrugged of those shackles of my confined and defined sexuality and I have created my own sexual eutopia Thanks for this great post.

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    I think these forums are just a little tiny part of society, maybe only traces and not even 1% compared too the population in society. We all share our thoughts in here, the majority of this lets call it 1% of people are single and without love, being in love in here is maybe 10% of the RHP population. So there is very few in here speaking for love. Me all the time because it really does mean something special and sure we are free, as that is probably why we have been together for all these years because we just want to be with each other. I see danger for people just going out and having sex away from the relationship where love is a bonding feeling, not a label and not something we can put into words, love is special. I think if family structure breaks down as it most certainly would, people have lost the compassion with living in community spirit, there is to much greed and pressure to survive, people are on their own now and many take what they want. I think women would lose the place they have fought for and been supported by loving men, as a man in love will truly love that woman and stand by her through thick and thin. It happens, truly it does. Yes Litonya, I have many questions as well, I am constantly searching for meanings,why? because I am a curious type of person. Miss Q has kept me very busy because she seems to have a knack for showing answers and letting the question become the task, I like that because I like looking for questions. While looking for the question to what you are asking here, the question seems to point at a whole bunch of answers telling me that society and family would fall apart, men would revert back to taking women when they want and women would be treated as such. We call it cheating on each other, but the reason we call it cheating is because cheating means hurting, taking things and deceiving people, cheating as the label for hurt, is a well debated topic in here and only ever ends up for painful conversations, the topics always explode. Not many people outside the few in here seem to accept their loved ones go out and have sex with other people then just come home and live in love. It is why I have been questioning peoples thoughts for monogamy, and how our love is special and we have had sex with others but together, as to be honest I have said it before and most likely will say it for ever, If Tara was to go away and sleep with other men, it would hurt me inside, and there is no right or wrong with those types of feelings and it has nothing to do with possession, it is feelings for love. When I die, I would want Tara to find love if she wanted to, I would want someone to look out for her and care for her, and that is just because I love her. So it is not an easy question you ask, as only after I am dead then would it not hurt if she just wanted to have some sex like you do Litonya, it seems you still love that man, but you are still a beautiful compassionate and horny woman and you would hurt no one. Speaking for feelings again so I don't expect this to be understood the way it is meant, don't wish to upset anyone. But hey, I/we are just a pimple on an elephants bum.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    see you when I am back....and as always love to you too. U are off on a great liitle sexy trip???? lol I packed the condoms lol toooooooooooooooooooo. but I think I will be so consumed by all my family there will not be time to slot one sexy dick in lol..................ohh god this made me now giggle. OHHH my german sausages I am coming. hahahahh

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    yes love is all there is.....and you are right I still love this man....as you would when Tara would be gone we cant stop it, but I moved on and I am a very happy woman for have known him and how he loved and showed love. Even having his children was soooooooooooo beautiful.....and when he would see his two sons...men now, he would cry hug them and kiss them, cry out of happiness how great gentle honest wild men both are. Each one unique in his onw way, one red head one dark, one slender like he was and one a bear with a bear like a viking like me, and then surprisingly so simular when they laugh and the humor they got, the open love they show, he would be crying out of happiness. Ohh God I am really mushy today......my heart just spills over....when no one stops me I am runnung out of liquid. HAHAHHH.

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    "Tick Tock" One night while sleeping in my bed I had a beautiful dream That all the people of the world got together On the same wavelength And began helping one another Now in this dream universal love was the theme of the day Peace and understanding and it happened this way The sick, the hungry, had smiles on their faces The tired and the homeless had family all around The streets and the cities were all beautiful places And the walls came tumblin' down People of the world all had it together Had it together for the boys and the girls And the children of the world look forward to a future Remember Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away I had a vision of blue skies from sea to shining sea All the trees in the forest stood strong and tall again Everything was clean and pretty and safe for you and me The worst of enemies became the best of friends People of the world all had it together Had it together for the boys and the girls And the children of the world look forward to a future Remember Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Remember that, remember that Remember that, remember that People of the world all had it together Had it together for the boys and the girls And the children of the world look forward to a future Remember Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away Remeber that Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock people Time's tickin' away

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    thank u

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Litonya' thank u was sung by a group of men, at the "Stevie Ray Vaughan Tribute" I think you would enjoy listening to the whole show on your journey Litonya. All the songs are on youtube or on DVD.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I am taking a note book and a nice fountain pen to write...no computer no Phone .....I dont know how I will survive.

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    12 years ago

    a safe journey, and look forward to some stories. Mado Tara xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Litonya' I am taking a note book and a nice fountain pen to write...no computer no Phone .....I dont know how I will survive. I can say for sure you will survive & only time will tell us how. Maybe the German sausage will help you survive...maybe not...make the most of it.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    when I ran away from home with my boyfriend, did I hear a thing that my parents said....my father used to tell me I was stupid....certainly that was a great motivator for me.....leaving home was possibly the most liberating thing that I have ever done....I have been married but for the last thirty two years I have been single....also liberating...l have had times in my life when I have been very sexually adventurous...there have been times when I have been almost radically celibate .....this is because of choices I made at the time....not because I thought it was right or wrong,just because it suited me....that is pretty much how I still live my life....in a way that suits me....I have never experienced a reciprocated love and while that is a 'lack in my life I suppose ,I don't really miss it either....there is too much other love in my life for that....as for sex,well at the moment it's not that important to me..because for me there is nothing casual about sex...I prefer it in a black tie xx Q

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