M43
Triads- Trouples
January 06 2021
A partner and myself have been talking about being poly or open relationship verses being in a Triad or Trouple.
My understanding
Poly: more than one relationship
Open : a couple who has FWB’s
Triad-Trouple. 3 people in a full relationship. All dating seeing each other or all living together.
Please correct me if I’m wrong.
My self and a partner have been talking about this a lot and not agree it’s what would suit us best
We are interested in becoming a trouple but finding the 3rd is hard. We are not after a Unicorn, we don’t want a playmate. After something more serious and equal 3 ways.
Any tips or groups to join or a friends that’s looking.
Comments
nightingale8
3 years ago
As far as I know, triads are tough because if you are an established couple you inherently hold the balance of power. At least in the beginning. That can be off putting to the prospective third, and changing your existing dynamic would of course present its own challenges. Advice? Be mindful of your power imbalance and be ready and forgiving for mistakes (you knew that). It might not come all at once. I think dating separately lets it come more organically and allows time for growth. Good luck 🙂
WitchFinder
3 years ago
Well, its not a simple question, and a lot of that will depend on your own preferences.
Poly can be a bit of a minefield language wise, as it can depend very much on your own definition. It's part of what makes communication so important in a poly space.
To my mind, poly is a broad term that covers most of the space. Polyamourous at its most basic describes people who can have multiple relationships at one time.
Open marriages/relationships can cover a lot of different territory as well, from FWB and fuck buddies, through to random one off encounters. Once again communication is key, as you will need to define with your partner exactly where the boundaries are, and what is expected of both of you.
You probably won't see throuple used much, as most feel it still defines the relationship as a couple with an added third. Triad is probably the best to use as has more of an equal feel. I feel like I'm repeating myself but communication is again extremely important....especially considering that the three of you will be if not living in the same space, you could be sharing that space at times.
Personally I identify as a solo poly- I need my space, my time, so I don't cohabit with any of my partners (what would ordinarily be known as an NP or nesting partner) as this just doesn't work for me.
I'd recommend doing a bit of Google-fu, there are a whole bunch of poly forums on Reddit where you can read more about the thoughts of others. I'd encourage not taking anything as gospel though, poly lifestyle is very much about what works for you and yours, and what works for some might not click for you.
RHP User
3 years ago
There is some great groups to join on Facebook to learn more. Polyamory Discussion is a great one. I recommend reading books like ethical slut, more than two, the multiamory podcast gets high votes from the poly community. I also recommend looking into how to deconstruct couples privilege and de enmeshing from each other. A triad is poly advanced. Most people will recommend you date separately
RHP User
3 years ago
Also finding a unicorn - bisexual woman that is equally attracted to you etc is a slim chance. Read up on unicorn hunting from unicorns r us. Even if that is not your intention, get educated.
Freaky_Fun
3 years ago
You know you can come live with us anytime 😂
Ok not super helpful 🙄
TwoPlus
3 years ago
Our door is always open too 😉
RHP User
3 years ago
Interesting to read and see the great comments.
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