To ghost or not to ghost?
February 17 2022
Do you contact them and tell them? Make up an excuse? Or just run for the hills?
In the case of people who get ghosted, would you rather have the person contact you if what they had to say was something like “I’m sorry but that was the worst sex I’ve ever had, I actually got bored and spent my time wondering how anyone your age is so clueless, I don’t want to spend my time teaching you so I’m just going to move on to the next.”?
People say they’d like to know why they were ghosted but I honestly think it just opens the door to arguing or making excuses to someone about bad encounters.
Thoughts?
Comments
RHP User
2 years ago
Can’t say I’ve ever had terrible sex. It’s what you make it, if it’s not heading the way you want, why endure it? Change it up. Both parties need to be participating passionately for it to be any good.
I’m more likely to ghost prior to even meeting someone, normally when instinct kicks in and you don’t feel comfortable chatting further. A simple block and move on. Not everyone will be suitable for each other. Nothing wrong with that.
KLady
2 years ago
I’ve never ghosted anyone but have been ghosted a lot of times, at first it bothered me but it doesn’t now I put it down to being a few things but I move on, as for ghosting someone because of bad sex, never really had too, I’m honest up front about it being my decision if I want to continue but works also a factor for me, I had some awesome encounters tho....
loveYOURpleasure
2 years ago
Obviously it’s going to depend a little bit upon how you anticipate the person is going to react, but in my view the respectful thing to do is to provide an explanation - particularly if it’s got to the meeting stage. You can always block after providing the explanation after all.
Having said that I’ve been guilty of disappearing without explanation.
MsSuperFoxy
2 years ago
1st meet, bad sex ..by all means ghost if you want too. Treat it like a one night stand. There's no obligation unless you want really like them and you did get on well, then communication is the key. They may listen, they may not depending on how the feedback is stated using "I feel statements" etc, and how the communication style is sent and received. 🤷♀️
Who knows, just follow your gut and intuition. When you know, you know, when you don't, you don't.
Ms Foxy
Yellowpenguins
2 years ago
The one experience I had with this , I gave feedback because he wasnt respectful to me ( I froze up and didn't stop it in the moment ) then blocked after the explaination. I thought about just ghosting but I was pissed so let him know my thoughts first .
RHP User
2 years ago
I say this like a broken record. No one owes anyone a response unless you are in a relationship. If it were that bad, and it has been, I would ghost. Better than telling them they're a dud root, I'd rather they think I'm a bitch.
nightingale8
2 years ago
Ouch. Ghosting after meeting/being intimate isn’t in my repertoire. A simple “I’m not interesting in taking things further” is enough. Yeah I don’t owe anyone an explanation but I do owe it to others to treat them as people. Men are people, too (so I assume). Correct me if I’m wrong, entertaining responses get bonus points.
countrytouch82
2 years ago
Forgive my naivety but can't people normally have some idea if someone will be a "dud root" before it happens? Ok sure if you straight up jump in horny after a party or drinks out maybe, but normally these things show by how intimately and carefully they touch you, kiss you, or communicate in a romantic way generally?
You'd think if they were a dud in bed it would show beforehand, unless it was due to complete inexperience. Sorry this maybe should be another forum!
If bedtime happened quickly, then yes of course the connection could be ended just as quickly. If there is originally a lot of build up and long connection/communication beforehand, then ghosting then would probably be really harsh.
Rising_Phoenix
2 years ago
These are definitely some interesting responses, it also highlights for me that by giving them a reason it does just give people something to debate.
Personally I’m not that concerned about reasons, if someone stops talking to me or doesn’t want to see me again it’s instantly mutual, trying to convince someone to be with you only lowers your self worth and chances are a most of the time it’s nothing you’ve actually done anyway, it’s something else going on in their life.
Obviously if it’s worth pursuing neither of you would be ghosting each other.
Boundinpleasure
2 years ago
Accountability….imagine the guy or girl as a starving child that’s never been taught to feed itself. Teach them with empathy about how to be better.
Women are so quick to dismiss men as useless when you learned one way to cum when you were 13 and expect him without any guidance to work his way through the minefields and mazes that are your orgasms.
YOU sabotage the next girls happiness and pleasure by not imparting the knowledge some of us had to physically drag from you by not sharing these skills.
Imagine a world where every man got schooled by a woman in sex and not made to feel like limp dicked losers…. You’d probably wake up with a guy between your thighs every morning instead of blasting the nerve endings to dust with your not so magic wand.
It’s a win win in my books.
teamaj2
2 years ago
In answer to your question - What would we do if the sex was terrible ? We have been in this situation, we tend to make up an excuse why we are unavailable and hope they take the hint . If not , I suppose we are guilty of ghosting . There is no way my husband and I would enter into a conversation as to why we are not willing to see someone again . Our lack of enthusiasm about meeting up again should speak for itself .
There is many reasons why we wouldn’t want to have another meet up . I don’t feel it’s our job to educate anyone on their sexual prowess , hygiene , their inability to stick to boundaries as previously discussed etc etc .
If someone we liked didn’t want to see us again or ‘ghosted ‘ us , we would take that on board , we wouldn’t overthink it and we would move on . We wouldn’t need to know why .
Ax
newyboy70
2 years ago
I don't understand your question. If the SEX was terrible, why meet them again? If it was that bad why go a second time ,then you would have no reason to ghost.
PicnickChick
2 years ago
Nobody owes any other person anything. You are not morally or legally obliged to explain your choices to anyone. You do you, especially where safety and comfort are concerned.
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