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To full swap or not? - Jealously

December 19 2009

So Sal and I have been in the lifestyle almost a year now, and we come across rather a lot of newbies who don't full swap yet. Which is fine and totally up to them, the main reason we are told they haven't swapped yet is "the potential for jealously." So I wanted to share a few tips that Sal and I have picked up. Because now and again jealously does crop up. Sal will say 'kiss me like you kissed her, you prick or pull my hair like you pulled hers :P " But generally we don't have it. But hey we are all only human. But the best way to avoid it is this. Tip One - If the person your partner is nobbing is making her/him squirm, moan etc more than what you do and you're feeling a little put out. Think about it like this - 1 - Later on you can say 'hey what was thing he/she was doing that made you go 'ooohhhhhh' because I would love to learn' Then next time you're in bed get her/him to show you. My oral techniques have got more advanced because of this. 2 -If you're partner is busy and having a great time, that means you get to focus on your lady/lad for the night. I'm always grateful when Sal gets a good shag, because it means that I can focus on my fun. Okay so what if you're the guy and the guy of the other couple is all over your partner, pushing it a little too far then you just go toe for toe. Sal and I have had this, I've had ladies over me and Sal has the guys going all mushy with her. Usually it's kind of funny and cute. A couple of times we have had one person complement me or Sal, infront of their partner and you feel kind of bad for the partner more so when it comes to body parts and sex skills. I've been landed a big frenchy from the lady at the end and Sal's done a 'well if you're giving him that' she'll then pounce on the man to even it all up. Making sure she snogs that little bit longer!!! Jealously is a fickle thing, but if you look at it with humour and with the fact that you and only you are taking you're partner home for the night, then it should never really raise its head. Not that is should be dismissed, if it is there then you have to deal with it, but if you are worried about the potential for jealously then it likes saying 'I wont go out today and live my life because it might rain." This might take time, and perhaps baby steps are the way, but maturity and self confidence will always win. Oh and finding a cool couple that have their shit together is a bonus! Perhaps seek some older couples out if you're newbies learn from them! This is just our experience, perhaps some full swappers might want to share their thoughts too. Oh and I'm sure Sal will have a few things to say :P Andy

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RHP User

16 years ago

I (adrian) don't get the whole jealousy thing. Why would you be willing to risk your relationship and the happiness you share with your partner on a daily basis (inside the scene and out), by getting all peeved at the fact that they've enjoyed themselves? andy is right, at the end of the night, you've had some fun (hopefully), you've shared an experience, and YOU'RE the one who is going home with your partner. why should there be jealousy? Hope I've expressed my thoughts in a way that is understandable. Adrian xoxox

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RHP User

16 years ago

regarding my last post,,,, Jaymie and I haven't full swapped yet, but that is because we're looking for the right couple, not because we're insecure. just thought I should clarify that. Adrian xoxox

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RHP User

16 years ago

One of the most important things you have not mentioned here...... What to do if your partner does get jealous. First off all I would stress to couples. Talk about it, before, during after, never be afraid to speak up (just try to do it with a little bit of tact.) Reassure your partner. You may feel like you should not have to, but if you care about how your partner feels and you want to maybe keep playing then you will have no problem reassuring them that they have no need to be jealous. I have experienced jealousy, particularly when it was new and there were/are a few things you can do to help ensure jealousy does not happen. I used to feel uncomfortable seeing Andy kiss another woman so he would always kiss me first. Another tip is start and finish with your partner...and if your partner does experience jealousy these two things will help him/her feel more secure.....1) Compliment your partner infront of the other couple 2) If your partner does something you love, get him/her to show the other couple You will boost your partners ego and they will know you still really are into them. Now when I see Andy with another woman and she is having a great time I am there thinking...."How great is he? I get to take him home" The other time I used to get jealous is if Andy would harp on about how hot someone looked and how he could not wait to play with them, seriously, the more he would bang on about someone the less chance he would have of getting to play with them. Lol. I told him this, and he realised it is maybe just a little insensitive, so do be mindful/respectful of how your partner feels. In the long run, it will be better for everyone and with time you will find the jealousy becomes less of an issue.xx Salina

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RHP User

16 years ago

I'll be sure not to rave on about how hot you are to Kilee so that I have a chance Trev

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RHP User

16 years ago

Totally agree. jealousy is a hard thing to over come .. and it takes time. The way I use to think when it finally clicked it was like the cogs in a wheel all getting into line.It took (honestly) a couple of years for myself to overcome this... but hey now when we are having our parties are ask my hubby, hey who did you play with etc etc .. just so I know he has had a good time as well as myself. Before I got into the scene I use to think ... why would others want to have sex with others when they are married... now I fully understand... its for pure enjoyment, as long as both have communication about the whole thing. Yes friendship can develop out of it... but it shouldnt go beyond that. Ground rules should always be set as well.For meeting the either right couple, there has to be connection (and that can take a while)... or just going to a swingers venue.. that is why you go... to swap partners.... rather than playing with each other (as that can be done in your own home).In the end if you seek others... it means you wish to swap...

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RHP User

16 years ago

We have yet to find a couple that we both like enough to fully play with let alone swap (you know the story... I like the hubby, wife doesn't do it for my Hubs and vice versa) We tend to stick to the threesomes for now to eliminate that problem... the thing is my hubs is a very good sharer and rarely feels insecure. I have only just learnt to share him and so far we have found a gorgeous girl we play with who I'd not been jealous of at all until the other night... Don't you just hate the internal voice in your head that just won't shut up no matter how irrational you know it to be!!!! I think things were worse because I'm pregnant and feeling fat, and this girl is smokin' hot... so the voice kept telling me that hubs wanted her more because then he wouldn't have to touch my disgusting body blah blah blah... crazy shit that I know is not true but the green eyed monster got the better of me. In the end I walked out of the room and had a shower (sobbing my heart out) so they could finish and I wouldn't have to listen/watch. At the time I thought it was going to have to be something I worked out on my own but that beautiful husband of mine knows me so well and he was so attentive to me that I ended up breaking down in fresh tears (after our girl had left) and spilling the beans about how I felt. He was wonderful, he said all the right things to calm me down and bring me back to reality... things I already knew to be true but just needed to hear it. He isn't going to leave me, he doesn't find her more attractive, he's not in love with her, she's not a better lay than me etc... After this he said he wouldn't play with her or any other girl again but that's not what I want... I think this challenge has been a good thing, helped me learn a bit more about myself and him too. We love each other incredibly and like you have all said, he's the one I take home at the end of the night, he's the one I get to myself any other night of the week. Jealousy does happen, it is very real but it is important to address it and move on, learn, grow and become better partners. Perhaps we'll just hold off until the bump is gone next time :P xxx K

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RHP User

16 years ago

Partyinsatiable.....It is not always swapping, though I do understand where you are coming from. I see it more as sharing. I think jealousy is a pretty natural feeling, I like you have overcome alot of jealousy issues, I now only get jealous if he is having fun and I am finding I am not so much into the guy I am with, but that is not insecurity, that is pouty face, how come she gets to have all the fun....no wonder the girls love playing with us so much kind of jealousy. LolKbassy, thanks for sharing your story, It is great that your hubby was so sensitive to how you were feeling and all the best with the upcoming bub.Lol, Trev!xx Salinaxx Salina

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insatiablerogue

16 years ago

What a great topic and some really good input from others too. It makes you think about the 'other side' of sharing your partner and I agree that it is a little daunting to say the least. While Rogue and I feel we are quite secure in our commitment and relationship, we do like to push the boundaries a little, but are both acutely aware of the potential danger that jealousy and hurt may bring. I really liked what Andy had to say initially, but am ever so grateful for Sal's input on what to do if you do get jealous. Even though we've only had a little taste of this scene so far... we appreciate advice like this which could possibly prevent some of the negative feelings from happening in the first place! Thanks again! Insatiable xx

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To full swap or not? - Jealously

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