F68
To chase or not to chase???
February 09 2009
Comments
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RHP User
17 years ago
Go and read the book "He's Just Not That Into You." You'll learn from reading it that if you put yourself out there and give them all the signs, if they return it they're into you. If they don't then they're not. It's that simple.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I spose you dont want to be left wondering what if? Why not take the safe approach and send them a message or a wink (if they are on the site) or a text message. If they are interested they will reply, if they dont reply, dont send them anymore and move on.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Let someone you like know you like them. Most of my life I was told there were women who had crushes on me - I was just oblivious as to who. The worst was at Uni when I sat next to a girl who told me she "used" to have a crush on me. Problem was she was gorgeous, smart, friendly and I was beyond clueless. I never did get the guts to ask her out. (imagine being rejected by someone who "used" to like you - probably less painful than wondering twenty years later what might have happened) The "nice" guys/gals are usually blind to the signals. The "bad" guys/gals will ignore the signals. The best guys/gals pick up on the signals and communicate with signals. Keep it to things like "I had fun you really made me feel good", "that was great when can we do this again" , "I'd like to see you again", "what are you doing ... saturday, friday night", "i'm heading to a movie/band/concert/swing club on Saturday - want to come?" With positive attention and body language. Give a big hug and a cheek kiss (or more) when you see them or leave. Find opportunities to have physical contact - touching arm to arm, leg to leg. Stalking is then calling 10 times to say you had a great night or waiting at the doorstep when they get home from work. Think of it as a tennis game - send down a decent serve and then wait for the reply. Remember they may be clueless and still trying to figure out what end of the racket to use. (I know some 40 year olds like that). So after a decent amount of time send down another serve. And then another. If after three reasonable attempts they do not appear interested move on. I remember going up to girls at nightclubs as a teenager/20's and asking them to dance. I used to teach dance so when they said no thanks I thought it could only be a rejection of me - which it was in a way. I would get my courage up - walk over and say "would you like to dance" - 9 times out of 10 they would say no. Then I would look at their friends or others nearby - who would be either be giggling or rolling their eyes. Consider asking one of them - then remember that never worked and walk off. Now if I ask a girl to dance I first check out the signals - eye contact/smile, say hi - how is your night - check out the body language - if she trying to run away or is she showing positive signs. Then I either fluff talk or ask them why they are not up dancing. Alternately you could aways wear a T-shirt saying - Chase me - its your turn.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Its not about the first contact..........I dont have problems saying hit to someone on here but its after I've met them. I cant tell you how many times I've had someone come back to me weeks or months later and say 'but you didnt chase me so I didnt think you were interested'. And I read that book.... I also read the 3 minute comitment........still confused.
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RHP User
17 years ago
How about defining chasing. I was having this conversation with a friend who got pissed off cos this guy didn't try to come onto her. I asked her if she had let him know she was interested, to which she replied "no . . not really." To me chasing is constant pursuing, like sending him heaps of messages or chatting to him the second you see him log into MSN or phoning him when you have had little or no encouragement from him. I don't think this is a good look. I know I've been guilty of it but now I let them know I am interested and if they don't respond then I move on. I don't want to be seen as a stalker! If they do respond, then honesty is the best way forward. I tell the person upfront I am interested in getting to know them. Sometimes the person also wants to get to know me and sometimes all they want is sex. Then its my choice how I respond. I know rules keep changing however if you are comfortable enough saying what you want in the bedroom, be comfortable enough to say "I'm interested, now the ball is in your court." Happy Courting Wilds
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RHP User
17 years ago
Can only speak for myself, but its really a refreshing change when a woman shows some genuine interest in you, i think the key is just don't push to hard, but dont be too subtle,or we guys may miss the cues alltogether! Something along the lines of lets do coffee or lets get out of here and go for a quiet stroll work well. If you don't get a positive response fairly quickly then your probably wasting your time. Cheers Nev
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RHP User
17 years ago
Icecream is way more reliable lol.......... my problem is I'm as clueless as the next guy. I miss all the signals and wander aimlessly around the planet wondering what the RIGHT thing is to do. GOing to buy that t-shirt though. I need all the help I can get lol. Being a virgo sucks sometimes
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RHP User
17 years ago
There is no right thing, only whats right for you. Taking the other party into at least a little consideration of course lol.
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RHP User
17 years ago
well in this so called equal oppertunity world amd men not knowing the rules anymore or where they stand most of the time. i feel that there is nothing wrong with you letting them know how you feel. If the recipent doesnt feel the same it is only a no thanks, and that goes for either sides. But in saying that i havent had any encounters with any ladies in a very long time. it would seam ive become more of a hermit due to the whole dating crap. well thats my 5 cents worth any ladies wish to help me out lol mal
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RHP User
17 years ago
but only for 3 minutes... 5 minutes on a wednesday.. LRE(be your own mold)
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RHP User
17 years ago
Why do people say they arent looking for anything other than sex but if someone comes along that knocks their socks off, so to speak, then they're open for more???? Isnt that how it happens anyhow? Arent we all just bopping along having fun and then sometimes you meet someone and you know you want something deeper? And I had someone contact me the other day saying how they would love to meet me and see what happens but when I read their profile it says something along the lines of I love making young girls moan, etc...........I sort of felt a bit intimidated then. And I probably said all the wrong things in my reply to them but hell, although I'm pretty confident in everything I do, feeling like I had to compete with the young things threw me a bit. And I'm still confused lol.
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RHP User
17 years ago
There is equal opportunity. Unless you are drop dead gorgeous and between 20 and 30 then you need to work on your skills, take risks and accept miserable failure as a learning experience. Assume you need to talk to 100 people to connect with 20 (Only 10 to 30 or so are likely to roll their eyes and sneer at your attempts - the rest are flattered but not interested). Of the 20 you thought you connected with you will probably catch up with 10 again. Of the 10 you will probably find yourself compatible with 5. Of the 5 things just won't work out with 4. But are you prepared to talk to 100 to find the One? And if you don't find the One? Just think how good your communication skills will be when you start or your second 100. If you keep a list you will be able to work out your numbers. Then you will know if you need to talk with 100, 50 or 1000. Just remember the next person you have the guts to speak to, chase or follow up with may be the One. (not that I believe in the One myself ... but then I may just need to start on another 100)
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RHP User
17 years ago
I do harp on about this, but maybe someone will get as much out of it as I did .... The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida x
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RHP User
17 years ago
Recently I was sick and was feeling lonely and sorry for myself and I started chatting to this guy. I let him know I was interested and think I came on too strong. Suffice to say I haven't heard from hime for a few days. So for me I'll be going back to my usual position of letting someone know I'm interested and leaving the ball in their court. Wildly embarrassed and disappointed in herself
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RHP User
17 years ago
read "men are from mars, women are from venus"....guys are mysterious animals.....
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RHP User
17 years ago
It's not like the school dance when you are 12 or 13, when the guys stand in one corner of the room and the girls on the other. Never want to be in the position of thinking "what if". I mean of course you don't have to come over like a used car salesperson. It's not gender specific, if an individual is interested, then make a move.
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RHP User
17 years ago
You a very fascinating lady but if it anything like my case i spent a few years meeting fascinating ladies from all over the world before i realised that it was just a virtual life. I found its very easy for it to become life instead of being an asset toward it. I weened myself off getting involved with or even spending too much time chatting with those out of reach. Maybe your friend has gone through the same sort of experience, might be very happy to hear from you now and then and one day maybe... In the meantime might be concentrating on life, real and virtual, closer to home ;)
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RHP User
17 years ago
"if an individual is interested, then make a move" Shouldn't that be "if an individual is interesting, then make a move"? If the person is interested then surely it is they that should make the move ;)
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RHP User
17 years ago
And girls are what? Open, honest and easy to understand? C'mon... lol
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RHP User
17 years ago
Thanks for saying I am interesting. I think I am too. I am also pretty good at not getting into situations where there is no real possibility of a meeting, after all, a computer can't hold me, or make love to m, nor can a phone or a voice on the other end of a phone. I am definitely living in reality. I am also happy to share examples of when I stuff up. It gives me reminders and could help someone else, Wildly reflecting
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RHP User
17 years ago
It's a risk putting it out there. What was it Seinfeld said? "That's a pretty big motza ball"? Something like that. To have your reach unrequited is upsetting at times. Confusing too. Don't you just fucking hate game players??? As corny as it sounds, we can only be true to ourselves. Be forthright - let whomever you've chosen know where you stand. Otherwise... Mind you, it's prudent to temper one's honesty with a certain reservation. And of course let's not forget the strange types. Just keep the radar on for them. Good luck with it.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Hi emotivg, Short n sweet so here goes, If you dont ask, you dont get. If you did ask and dont know, elaborate the question to get your answers/vice versa. Stay confident like the person you are, remain true to yourself and stop pondering about the ifs, whens or buts, gut instincts will kick in! So hope your ready for the thrill of chasing, capturing and loving life!!!! Good luckx
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RHP User
17 years ago
This doesn't mean desperate, but if I were to be pursued by a woman, first response is .... "i love this feeling". What happens after that... well... whatever happens happens, but I think it's the ultimate positive first impression. Especially for a guy who is more used to doing the chasing. J
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RHP User
17 years ago
I would have to say throwing out a call or message a couple of times would be vital to show there is some interest there. Not making any contact pretty much sends off a signal of no interest. In saying that only one or two attempts are necessary. If there is no reply from that then the interest is obviously not there. Once had agirl who I had only met once and I recieved about 15 messages the next day and it completely turned me away. So I guess in summary a middle ground is probably the best approach. Well from my perspective anyway!
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RHP User
17 years ago
We're in the 21st century now so I think most guys and girls don't expect guys to do all the chasing. Aren't women empowered now?? So go for it.!
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RHP User
17 years ago
A swinging club i frequented for a while had an motto undisputed by anybody male or female. No Means No. Time and time again i would see, and be lol, decent guys chat for a while and get no for an answer, make some more polite conversation and wander off. After all we were not there looking for a relationship or even in most cases a lasting friendship. On the other hand i often saw guys who would persist. Asking, cajoling, even begging, until eventually the lass broke down and they sauntered off to a room. Don't ask me about the chase or not to chase, i've no idea either lol.
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RHP User
16 years ago
chances are that he WON'T know...so go ahead and chase him...but remember to ask him to walk first...so that ya can catch him more easily...hehejose...
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