M65
To be a Gentleman
July 28 2008
Comments
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RHP User
17 years ago
fantastic article, shame there are not many of us left.
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RHP User
17 years ago
My monocle just popped off in suprise at this smashing thread. Now if you will excuse me gents I have to go and have a spot of tea.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Man, you hit the nail on the head with this one. It really makes you sit up and wonder just what has happened to humanity in this day and age. The ideal is still pertinent, for sure, but sadly, very few are interested nowadays. We live in the 'I' society and many are looking only for instant self-gratification. Wouldn't the world be so much more decent if...... Well that's me soapbox for this week! Jon.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Ed, Wonderful find with this lecture. Alas, I feel it is something that has sadly been lost from our lives in this day and age. And not to be biased, I feel that the art of being a lady is also lacking in our society. It seems the norm now, that should one conduct oneself in these old worldly ways, the greater part of our society mocks and frowns instead of embracing that which is becoming so rare. I however, am blessed in several ways. Firstly, I was raised with these old fashioned ideals of conduct, and for all my brashness, swearing and 'blokiness' my core values are set in stone, and underneath the many many layers that make up my being, at the heart of me I am a lady and appreciate men who are gentlemen. I am blessed to know a number of true gentlemen. My heart belongs to one, and you Sir, are another whom I hold in high esteem. You carry that wonderful air about your person that attracts and holds my attention. Never change Ed. Viking xoxoxo
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Frankiesgame
17 years ago
great post baded
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RHP User
17 years ago
oh to have the times we only see in the movies....whwere gentlemen are gentlemen and treat ladies as goddesses and such......until behind closed doors when they become randy horny sex maniacs...... oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes pls......give me one of them!!!! never too late for a few gentlemanly qualities to reapppear in society....opening a door, letting a lady go first, etc....... love nothing more than a guy who can be a gentleman in public and a sex fiend in the bedroom........ still looking for him though hehehehehe nice topic ed...... would be interesting ot see the equivelent version for ladies hehehe lava xx
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RHP User
17 years ago
Yea very well said and sir I concur................But not really a chick magnet is he?
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RHP User
17 years ago
I hoped I was "mostly" a gentleman - but now alas I realise I am not even close to being one, at least by the above definition, something to aspire to, aim for and try to become. Not for the sake of impressing some person but to become the best that I can be. I wonder what the definition for a lady is? for it seems to me, both genders are failing completely in wanting to be either. Some of us, are barely human (myself included)
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RHP User
17 years ago
That is not a very nice thing to say. What constitutes a chick magnet anyway? How would you know? You dont even have a pic up and you are a guest, so why are you here anyway?? Your profile is very brief. Are you hoping that all the women of RHP will be so mesmerised by your profile that they will all be sending you messages?
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RHP User
17 years ago
unfortunately these ideals may well be lost forever in this day and age, i do remember as a child, being raised by a true lady (my mother), swearing,( even "shit" was a no-no), disrespecting an elder, (kin or not), not giving up my seat on public transport, even being heard, usually resulted in a smack in the head, for this i am greatful, it had taught me respect for my elders and how to behave in an appropriate manner in all types of situations. but thanks to all those do-gooders out there, we may no longer discipline our kids with a clip over the ear... it's now known as abuse, gentlemen whom open doors for "ladies" are told to quietly f**k off they can do it themselves thank you very much. ( militant feminists) in the days if the gentleman, old people had no reason to fear being alone, or being bashed senseless for their last $10, kid were not hell bent on self destruction, with all that electronic wizardry they are still bored and need to cause trouble, bash helpless oldies and gang bash one solitary person, all while thinking how tough they are. Yes, i do long for the old days, where the oldies felt safe at home, a fight usually was one on one, common sense and discretion was widely understood,turn the tele on and it was news, not doom and gloom of how as a world we are destroying ourselves. well, that's my rant, thanks for reading and to all the do-gooders and militant feminists, thanks for fucking up what was once a decent world. gosh, darn it.. i am turning into one of them
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RHP User
17 years ago
It has been my pleasure Ed to meet a gentleman recently. Doors are opened, chairs are held out, he walks between me and the kerb, listens when I speak !! little things that keep on going on. This is awesome , dont ever doubt it. Now its my turn to learn some lady like talents whilst still retaining the hoydenish party of me he seems to adore .. Ant tips people??
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RHP User
17 years ago
shit yea, I'm here for a goodtime. Got em knockin on me door already. Its good here init?
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RHP User
17 years ago
read it again and say "her" instead of "he" etc... what it really is is the description of a freind... gender non-specific.. mainly.. i'm interested to hear people say they would have felt safer then than now.. in 1850... slavery was rampant. 1-5 women died giving birth to their 1st child. and the world was about to spend the next 100 years celebrating colonial and global conflict like never before. in most places in the then "modern world" crime rates were much higher than now also, though i tend to feel crime rates are related to polarisation of wealth.. and in 1850 the "british" east india company was (in global terms) biger than the 6 miggest multinationals in the world today combined (can't remember where i read that) though it was comming to it's end. in the mid 1800s there was piles of death and personal tiol for the common man just around the corner. i think we are probaly safer now. we are all much less likey to be conscripted in to an army to go of and fight some "nignogs" somwhere. LRE
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RHP User
17 years ago
Totally agree Loner66. The World is not what is was in 1852 when the article was written. Not that I would ever want to have lived or to go back to those terrible days. Imagine the anarchy. No police and corrupt to the max. It was a very hard World then. Now its the opposite and gone way too far the other way. No more giving the kids a smack when they get outa line. Bloody do gooders. A clip under the ear or corporal punishment at school ie the cane or strap never hurt anyone and one knew when one stepped out of line. Capitol punishment is gone and no matter what the offense one cant pay with the ultimate penalty. Bloody do gooders again. There are some offences that require the ultimate penalty. I think the really good time for men to grow up and live was in the 1950s and 60s when one could leave ones doors unlocked and one could be a gentleman and be ok with it. The law was strong then. However at that time women were still down trodden and even to this day still are but to a lesser degree. Wouldnt it be nice to have ladies and gentlemen again and to be able to leave our doors open and the keys in the car and the kids could leave their push bikes without locks and no one worry about getting bashed or robbed. Sure those things happened in the 50s and 60s but they were rare and the offender sure got it when they were caught. Now its a nice rest in jail playing table tennis and watching TV. The bastards even vote ffs. We need sensible rules and society should be for good people and bad people should know they will feel the pain should they transgress. Then and only then can we have ladies and gentlemen. Mars
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RHP User
17 years ago
You do have a point, however in this case, get to know the man first before saying anything. Our johnny is a lot deeper than any profile could ever portray. He's one of the good guys, and there's not a whole lot of men out there that I will say that about. Viking
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RHP User
17 years ago
The mind boggles.. Is their such a expanded version of a Lady?? As for Gentleman... just be Gentle... Coz I got no hope of becoming the academic version of a gentleman.... Also... this guy would have to be robot and not human WHY would us true men want to be cookie cut and be ALL the same... The world has moved on since the Victorian era... LOL P&C
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RHP User
17 years ago
The world could use a few more gentlemen. As the female half of this couple I certainly like to be treated like a lady (outside the bedroom,,lol). There is not enough of the kind of fella's who open doors, seat a lady first & go to the bar etc. These small things called manners can make such a big difference to a persons perception of you. Some may not appreciate the care & attention but I certainly do. Some people may feel that such things are outdated but are good manners & treating others with respect things that should be outdated???? Just my 2cents worth,,lol.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I'm with LRE on tis one. Why hark back to a time when the majority of people lived in a state of poverty, the division between the classes was incredibly obvious and those from the working class had no chance of improving their poition in life. Human rights were virtually non-existent, and if you were rich you could treat anyone how you wanted, and get away with it and then claim to be a gentleman. Women were the property of men and even if they ahd their own wealth, once they married it became the property of their husbbands. As a feminist I am happy that we now have laws that attempt to protect both women and children from being whipped and beaten. Contrary to what you believe loner66 there are currently NO LAWS THAT PREVENT A PARENT SMACKING A CHILD! I am also happy thatwe have labour laws so our children are given an education rather than being sent off to work themselves into an early grave coal mines and tin mines or being sent of to the homes of "ladies and gentleman" where they were beaten for being lazy when they were sick, and raped by members of the aristocracy. What's in a word? When it comes to LAdies and Gentleman, a whole lot of history that conveys privilege, class, and a place to hide one's dark nature. I don't need to define a decent human being by the labels ladies and gentleman, I prefer to call them damn decent people. And Loner66, do-gooders and militant feminists did not destroy the fabric of our society. Hundreds of years of patriarchal domination and abuse contributed to the destruction of the fabric of society. The greed of companies that rape the earth and show no respect for anything or anyone that gets in their way has contributed to the destruction of our world. If it wasn't for "do-gooders and militan feminists" there would be no women's shelters, no child portection system, no youth shelters and yep, even no men's shelters, no social security system, no health care for the poor, no educational opportunities for kids from poor families. I don't think I need to go on. I appreciate the intellectual stimulation Baded and LRE, thank you! Cheers Wilds
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RHP User
17 years ago
I have a suit and nice shoes! does that count? lolz, as a peoples our paradigms and mores change a little with every generation so unfortunatley the old boys club is a dwindling thing. that said if ya want to find one they are out there. now im off out for a constitutional, i must don my tweed jacket (with leather elbows) and put on my trillby tally-ho
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RHP User
17 years ago
Thank you for the great responses. At the risk of answering my own question, I have been giving this some more thought. What Cardinal Newman was talking about was a code of behavior. A bit like a Mission Statement. It tells you where you want to end up but not what you have to do to get there. I think being a gentleman is about Honour, Respect, Integrity, and Empathy. It is more than good manners or etiquette. That’s why I think it’s an inspirational goal. At least to me. I think people get manners and etiquette confused. For me, manners are, as Cardinal Newman wrote, about the consideration for those people around you. Etiquette is codified behaviors. Those codes may be based on good manners but many are just an ossification of repeated behaviors that may or may not be about putting others at ease. Douglas Bader once said, “Rules are for the guidance of wise men(women) and the obedience of fools”. What I think he was saying was that as a wise man it is not good enough to obey a rule. You need to understand why it is a rule. So in this context, blind adherence to etiquette does not a gentleman make. You open a car door for a lady because it can be uncomfortable for a lady to it by herself. You pull out a chair for a lady because with one had on her bag and another on her skirt it may be uncomfortable her to do it alone. It is unfortunate that the word Gentleman has also some unsavory historical connotations (thanks Wilds ) and certainly many unsavory practices and people have hidden behind that term so as to provide a veneer of civilization. I think being a gentleman or a decent person or a good bloke ( a rose by any other name..)is still pertinent today, it’s just that life is a little more complex and so applying Honour, Respect, Integrity, and Empathy is more difficult. But then if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth aspiring to. Ed And Viking thank you for your kind words, all the more coming from a Lady, decent person and good Sheila.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Merci beaucoup madame comment ca va?
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RHP User
17 years ago
--shakes wilds hand and offers a cigar to the jaunty geek-- LOL LRE (choosing "doing good" over doing "nothing" or "doing bad")
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RHP User
17 years ago
We need to bring back pistol fights at dawn. It seems the common thread between things of this nature be it bushido, chivalry or in this case a “Gentleman’s code” is the belief in something greater than one’s self. A code to live, and in some cases die by that is more important than self gratification or self satisfaction. These days being sly or sneaky or greedy and getting ahead any way possible is looked upon more favorably than acting with honour and dignity. I don’t see it ever being the way it was. Not nowadays, not when the content of your wallet is more important than the content of your character. So, I say we go back to duels, but modern style. If I slap you with my iPod, we then rap battle to the death. Mid to late afternoon though, I don’t wake up at dawn for anything short of the fucking rapture.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Finally read this all, and thought "oh my god" this just about fits me to a tee, guess I'm just another middle aged dinosaur. Although I must admit I do slip up on rare occasions. However I dont believe in opening doors for women or anything like that (females are mostly quite competent at opening doors etc themselves), unless of course they are obviously needing help, but then in that case I would do the same for a bloke! It really gets me down sometimes to see the way people treat each other. The world could really be so much nicer if people employed the virtues of politeness, how hard is it to say please and thanks; tolerance, everyone is entitled to their own point of view and beliefs, and a little caring and understanding never went astray! And finally lots of people seem to believe they are the centre of the universe, when in reality they are merely a bit part player , just like the rest of us. Cheers everyone, have a great day, And play nicely. Nev And a special hello to Bill, thought you might have posted on this topic by now!
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RHP User
17 years ago
Je suis battent sur comme toujours Johnny, peu plus âgés et un peu plus sage. Oh, et une nouvelle grande fille à célébrer! Et vous? Comment êtes -vous? VB xx
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RHP User
17 years ago
its great that the now unwashed masses proclaim the golden age of chivalry as bad and oppressive - i suggest ya go and read some books ya might want to check out soemthig called "Noblise Oblige" the relationships between the man on the chair and the man in the field was sincere and prosperous for both, it was only when the merchant class started becoming more important, with vile practice of usery becoming more previlent the old system began to crumble... so dont blames kings, nobles and knights for bringing down the ideals and obligations of the Gentleman level your blame soley at the feet of merchants and users who's only drive is the amassing of wealth above all others... end of my tirayd on this subject...
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RHP User
17 years ago
We need to bring back pistol fights at dawn. It seems the common thread between things of this nature be it bushido, chivalry or in this case a “Gentleman’s code” is the belief in something greater than one’s self. A code to live, and in some cases die by that is more important than self gratification or self satisfaction. These days being sly or sneaky or greedy and getting ahead any way possible is looked upon more favorably than acting with honour and dignity. I don’t see it ever being the way it was not nowadays, not when the content of your wallet is more important than the content of your character. So, I say we go back to duels, but modern style. If I slap you with my iPod, we then rap battle to the death. Mid to late afternoon though, I don’t wake up at dawn for anything short of the fucking rapture.
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RHP User
17 years ago
stop trying to pass your contacts to others in revolutionary ways.. LOL.. LRE
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RHP User
17 years ago
Man, the ideals are not dead as long as there are blokes like you trying to live them out. Cardinal Newman was a genius and has many good things to say in many areas. Sadly many blokes (and I certainly include myself) are too easliy offended and have way too many opinions which are not well formed and are certainly not quiet. I wish myself to be a bit more studious, a lot more humble and less angered, and a bit more of a doer and more courageous! Cheers to you mate for posting this!
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RHP User
17 years ago
I think I got the jist. Please correct me if I'm wrong. New addition to the family????????????
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RHP User
17 years ago
firstly - apologies that I seem to be stalking WA posts - I keep checking NSW but all the good ones in there are from WA - so thanks to the interesting, smart, entertaining peeps from over West. A friend in his mid-20s read a book called The Modern Gentleman. I am still trying to get a copy, but it had a pretty big impact on him I think, in terms of a code of behaviour etc. The book that summed it all up for me ...Way of the Superior Man ... by David Deida. Give me that man / gentleman any day!
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RHP User
17 years ago
Greetings all, I've only just found this place and it is rather interesting. I thought this topic might be a good one to get my "feet wet" so to speak. I was raised to be a gentleman and to know how to look after a woman properly. Though I am reasonably young I have found it a trend that many women in this day and age are not interested in a gentleman at all. The last woman I attempted to open a door for swore at me quite verbosely and told me in no uncertain terms what she thought of such "chauvinistic" behaviour. I was stunned to say the least, I think that feminism in the modern era is killing off the gentleman nature that some guys are interested in being. I have strong moral and ethical standings and try to comport myself in a courteous manner. This does not mean that I am callow in any sense of the word. Then again I also swing towards being submissive in nature but again that doesn't speak to weakness but more to strength in my opinion. I am strong in myself but I like to have a woman take the lead, it doesn't mean that I am not strong enough to protect her or look after her, it is just the way I swing. The other issue is that many women who are seeking the "gentleman" have preconceived notions about what a gentleman should be. As it says in my profile, I am someone that you would overlook. I have a great deal of respect for women, especially strong independent women and whilst I am old fashioned in so many ways I am not locked into certain stigmata that plague many "old school" gentlemen. I don't think that women belong in the kitchen because I personally love to cook, I also don't think that women are "baby makers" as that is an outdated notion that really must be addressed. In closing I think that it is important for men to be gentlemen but not set in old ways that don't have a place in our society at them moment, unless of course the woman wants that kind of relationship.
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RHP User
17 years ago
I'm standing in line behind LRE on this one....Agree on all points. Thanks for the interesting post Ed.
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RHP User
17 years ago
Nothing like a true gentlemen :) Mrs H
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RHP User
17 years ago
hmmm ive tried both approaches "True gentleman" & "Bad boy" sadly from my experience the bad boy wins although im not at all comfortable with the whole bad boy thing. Ive since decided that i will not and must not under any circumtances place anything or anyone above my highest social,moral and ethical values.Whilst the bad boys may triumph over the woman the gentleman triumph over themselves & you goto love yourslf first before anyone else can love you :-) Lastofthefew
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RHP User
17 years ago
I believe that there are still allot of us out there, however being told you are a chovenist for opening doors does slowly wear you down. There are many little things you can still do in order to be a gentleman. Just little things, that femonatzi's dont notice, walking on the curb side of your woman when walking in the street, making sure they make it into there house (even when your not expecting a kiss goodnight) and such. Whilst they may not notice these little gentlemanly acts you do, end of the day knowing you have not wavered from your gentlemanly demenor should count to you.
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RHP User
17 years ago
interesting reading from you all. Another description of a gentleman, far more abbreviated and from a much less notable source. "A gentleman is someone who tries to make those around him feel comfortable in his presence." At the heart of it, the same, and something that I have tried (and not always been successful at) my whole life. As for the ladies, each to their own. Some find gentlemen "nice", and you know where nice guys finish. Others find that some of us do have an adventurous side, we're not all starched puppets. And others (in my experience) have fallen in love very quickly. It takes all sorts to make the world go 'round, as one of you said, it'd be boring if we were all cut from the same cookie cutter. So don't be ashamed, embrace the gentleman within, and pay no heed to those who mock (but being a gentleman you are doing theses things already!) It is nice to know that you are not alone though, isn't it? Take care.
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RHP User
17 years ago
The Pharaoh's word is as precious as gold, and they honor their commitments faithfully They believe that to do otherwise would be nothing less than a breach of honor and trustworthiness Consequently, they take their word very seriously, that means they are bound to the relationship until "death do us apart" or otherwise Pharaohs are driven to fulfill their responsibilities and duties, and will do so with tireless effort They will do their best to meet the obligations presented by the different relationship roles which they play during their lives, i e spouse, parent, offspring, etc They may have difficulty showing warmth, but they frequently feel it in abundance, and most develop the ability to show it through sheer effort If nothing else, the Pharaoh holds the gold medal of all the personality types for Effort They will put forth tremendous amounts of effort to accomplish goals which are important to them If healthy relationships are among these goals, you can bet that the Pharaoh will do everything that they can to foster and maintain healthy relationships Pharaoh Strengths * Honor their commitments * Take their relationship roles very seriously * Usually able to communicate what's on their minds with precision * Good listeners * Extremely good (albeit conservative) with money * Able to take constructive criticism well * Able to tolerate conflict situations without emotional upheaval * Able to dole out punishment or criticism when called for Pharaoh Weaknesses * Tendency to believe that they're always right * Tendency to get involved in "win-lose" conversations * Not naturally in-tune with what others are feeling * Their value for structure may seem rigid to others * Not likely to give enough praise or affirmation to their loved ones Pharaohs as Lovers "To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before " -- Rollo May The Duty Fulfiller As an Pharaoh, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically Pharaohs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake Pharaohs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable They place great importance on honesty and integrity They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings Pharaohs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others They're not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the Pharaoh will support that effort However, Pharaohs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans If an Pharaoh has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything "by the book" The Pharaoh is extremely dependable on following through with things which he or she has promised For this reason, they sometimes get more and more work piled on them Because the Pharaoh has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle For this reason, the Pharaoh often works long hours, and may be unwittingly taken advantage of The Pharaoh will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application They prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it They like to be accountable for their actions, and enjoy being in positions of authority The Pharaoh has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear Pharaohs have tremendous respect for facts They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the Pharaoh will internalize and support Once the Pharaoh supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed The Pharaoh is not naturally in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others They may have difficulty picking up on emotional needs immediately, as they are presented Being perfectionists themselves, they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted, like they take their own efforts for granted They need to remember to pat people on the back once in a while Pharaohs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love Once the Pharaoh realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs The Pharaoh is extremely faithful and loyal Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously They are usually good and generous providers to their families They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love The Pharaoh is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words Pharaohs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations Pharaohs usually have a great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation Their homes are likely to be tastefully furnished and immaculately maintained They are acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty Under stress, Pharaohs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom In general, the Pharaoh has a tremendous amount of potential Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the Pharaoh has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be Jungian functional preference ordering: Dominant: Introverted Sensing Auxiliary: Extraverted Thinking Tertiary: Introverted Feeling Inferior: Extraverted Intuition Pharaohs are committed, loyal partners, who will put forth tremendous amounts of effort into making their relationships work Once they have made a commitment to a relationship, they will stick with it until the end They gladly accept their duty towards fulfilling their role in the relationship Pharaohs are generally willing and able to do anything which they have defined as a goal So, if maintaining a good relationship is important to the Pharaoh, they are likely to have a good relationship If they have not added this goal to their internal "list" of duties, they are likely to approach the relationship in their "natural" state, which is extremely practical, traditional, and structured Sexually, the Pharaoh is likely to approach intimacy from a physical perspective, rather than as a means of expressing love and affection They usually have a problem expressing their deepest feelings, even though they may be very strongly felt They will expect sex on a relatively scheduled basis, and are likely to honor traditions regarding gender role-playing Male Pharaohs will assert their perspective on their partners, while female Pharaohs will tend to follow along with what their male counterparts want (although they will be uncomfortable with anything extremely out of the traditional norm) Pharaohs do not feel threatened by constructive criticism or conflict situations When faced with criticism, they usually begin to attempt to recruit other people to prove a certain point of view, believing that they are right, and that the other individual simply needs to understand the facts of the situation In such situations, the Pharaoh may or may not be right, but their confidence in their own "rightness" can shake the confidence of others involved This habit can quickly turn conversations into "win-lose" situations, and can present a special problem in intimate relationships While they may inadvertently shake the confidence of their colleagues with their "I'm right" approach, the same behavior may cause serious issues within their intimate relationships The Pharaoh's constant assertion of "rightness" may send a message to their mates that they do not value their opinions If the Pharaoh has a mate with a strong Feeling preference, they may inadvertently wreak havoc with their self-esteem, since Feeling individuals are extremely sensitive to conflict and criticism, and are especially vulnerable in their intimate relationships Since Pharaohs make decisions using the Thinking function (rather than Feeling), they are not naturally likely to consider their mates feelings and emotions in daily living This may be a problem if their mates have the Feeling preference, since Feeling individuals usually expect a lot of positive affirmation, which the Pharaoh does not naturally communicate to them The Pharaoh needs to remember that others may need to hear that they are loved and valued, even if the Pharaoh doesn't need to hear this them-self Pharaohs are generally very capable and efficient at most things which they endeavor Consequently, their mates are likely to hold a good amount of respect for them Daily concerns are likely to be well-provided for by the Pharaoh If other concerns, such as emotional needs, are pointed out to the Pharaoh as important issues for their mates, the Pharaoh will rise to the occasion and add the task of addressing these needs to the internal "list" of duties Since the Pharaoh is so willing to work hard at issues, and so tireless at performing tasks which they feel should be done, the Pharaoh generally makes a wonderful, caring mate who is willing and able to promote a healthy, lasting relationship which is also a partnership Pharaoh's dominant function of Introverted Sensing is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Sensing and perceiving Pharaohs as Parents "You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable " -- Kahlil Gibran Pharaohs are faithful and devoted parents who can be counted on to put forth their very best efforts towards raising their children in positive, comfortable, secure homes, and to promote their growth in such a way that they will become secure adults who know their place in life within our society Such is the greatest goal of an Pharaoh parent toward their child Along the path towards this goal, the Pharaoh expects that their children honor their traditional familial roles As parents, they demand respect and authority from their children They willingly accept their parental role of provider and guardian Once the Pharaoh becomes a parent, it becomes a "given" that they will perform all of the duties associated with parenthood, and they will do so without grudge or burden However, they expect that their children give them their due respect in return, and will have little patience with disrespectful behavior When it comes to giving punishment or discipline, the Pharaoh will be able to do so when necessary without too much internal trauma They see it as their duty to teach their children when they've done wrong, and so will administer the punishment in the name of the greater cause of doing their duty towards their children Not to imply that the Pharaoh will enjoy disciplining their children, they simply will put their duties before their personal feelings The Pharaoh is likely to have a problem giving a lot of positive affirmation and support to their children Having very high expectations for their own behavior and the behavior of others, the Pharaoh often forgets to give praise when praise is due All children need positive support as they find their place in the world, and this is especially true for children with the Feeling preference, who benefit tremendously from positive affirmation, and suffer (sometimes tremendously) in its void The Pharaoh who recognizes sensitivity in their child should take special care to give them positive support and affirmation The Pharaoh will create a consistent, secure environment for their children, with definite roles and boundaries Although this may at times create division between the parent and child (especially during rebellious adolescence), it will generally promote the child's growth into a secure adult Pharaoh parents will be remembered and honored by their children for being good people who always tried their best, and for putting the needs of their children above their own Pharaohs as Friends Although friendships do not rank highest in the Pharaoh's list of important relationships (whose duties and obligation to the Family rank above all else), they do have value these relationships and put effort into enhancing and maintaining them The Pharaoh is likely to choose to be around people who have similar interests and perspectives to their own, and are likely to not have much patience with people who are very different from themselves Although their usual mode of being is very serious-minded, Pharaohs like to have fun and let loose They like being with Extraverts who are optimistic and fun-minded, although the E's enthusiasm may eventually get on the Pharaoh's nerves Pharaohs can get along with most other types, but they especially form solid connections with other Sensing Judgers The Pharaoh's respect for laws and traditions may make them unable to relate well to Sensing Perceiving types, although they admire their carefree ability to live for the moment And conversely, the Sensing Perceiving types may see the Pharaoh's need for structure as too conservative or scheduled for their tastes Pharaohs seem to get along well with Intuitive, although they cannot really relate to some of the Intuitive perspectives
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think being a gentleman is about Honour, Respect, Integrity, and Empathy. Well put baded! If one lives by these guidelines the world would certainly be a better place. Yes I still open doors for a lady and yes have actually had some spit when I have done so..... so sad. But alas, its the world we live in and we must deal with the now. there is no going back and there will always be things better about the 'good ole days' but there are so many things better 'today'. Being a gentleman is not necessarily a bygone era, but a frame of mind. Some of us still have the 'frame of mind'. Keep smiling skil
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hoodlem79' I believe that there are still allot of us out there, however being told you are a chovenist for opening doors does slowly wear you down. There are many little things you can still do in order to be a gentleman. Just little things, that femonatzi's dont notice, walking on the curb side of your woman when walking in the street, making sure they make it into there house (even when your not expecting a kiss goodnight) and such. Whilst they may not notice these little gentlemanly acts you do, end of the day knowing you have not wavered from your gentlemanly demenor should count to you. Hoodlem,Rest assured that such gestures are most definitely noticed, by this little black duck at the very least. It's not often I would comment on it though. No comment is necessary I feel.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am a gentleman, however that doesnt work. I act a bit like the "bad boy" and that doesnt work... so it doesnt work for me but i am always a gentleman in my nature so i will stick with that. Women's loss...
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RHP User
14 years ago
GENTLEMAN…………..seldom ever heard anymore
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RHP User
14 years ago
I did scroll through, and low and behold there was a Kjandnev post! from 2008....lol I didn't bother re reading the thread or my comment, mannnn there are some lonnngggg posts in this thread.These days I wouldn't be arsed reading anything that long!I don't know if I have changed much but I would have been 46yo then..lolOther people can make those judgements.Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
14 years ago
Personally I would rather have someone a little more human with all the human attributes. You know, passion and fire as this seems a little lacking in the "ideal"
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RHP User
14 years ago
Mate, Loved the article. It's very accurate. However I do know that there are a lot of gentlemen left in society but you'll have to travel abroad to find them in bigger numbers.May I pose a question, as a lot of women have not been romanced by gentlemen, have they become accustomed to such? Would many of them realise a proper gentleman or think of him in a different manner? I've come accross these situations, been taken advantage of and even laughed at. It is depressing at time seeing the way society is travelling but those of us whom are strong strive on to become better people.Anyhow, my two cents worth.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Great to know there are still a few real gentlemen around rare these days !
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MrsPeachyPear' I wondered what any of them, or anyone else reading, might think about how much some of the sentiments from four years ago have changed from what we read in the forums today. Hugs... Mrs P Mrs P, I have enjoyed reading all posts within this thread, some wordings I believe in some I understand and live by some should be carried forward into our offspring some a bit sceptical, all very interesting though...and each to there own for the Op who initialized it, nice post. I thank you for finding this and bringing it back to life, some people on this forum will never cease to amaze me in so many different ways and have probably said this before. I do see that some posts within this thread seem to be missing certain things to the abundance of the missing in today’s posts and threads...maybe it is just me, maybe I see things in a different way, maybe I actually search for things differently to others and look for things others may not look for. I may be of on one of my little solo adventures and mind being else where but will have to start a new thread and not use this one to question You really have got my attention and over time I may now frequent such old threads, to see the difference in how people conduct them selves today on here to how they did then yet also to see what was the topics and how they where answered then to now even though I am a very much look forward to the future than to dwell on the past sort of person but being new I think this is needed for my own mind set I may be away for a little as I delve into the past of RHP, I bet some like this one make for good reading. Funny how society can change so quickly, as for the topic, I am not saying I am a perfect gentleman, but I do have a lot of morals that are in built and I don’t think about but come naturally. Also being a gent is one thing but the amount of people out there that don’t even have common courtesy is shocking... (not meant and any posts or persons here but general public) A thought maybe Schools should start having a common courtesy class...like look behind you when letting a door go, don’t stand and chat at the entry of a shop, leave the gangways free, respect and consideration of all those around you, not just the old and frail etc
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RHP User
14 years ago
Mrs P, my thanks to you for finding this and bringing it to the fore again. It made for wonderful re-reading and gave me the opportunity to sit back and think back over the last four years.I have to say my original reply still holds true. As you well know, I have the very great honour of being the OP's chosen Lady and over the past four years, he has demonstrated time and time again the ideals of his gentlemanly behaviour. Never in my life have I been treated with such care and consideration, nor have felt such pride to be seen with such a man. He is the very epitome of this lecture and I count myself, as I mentioned before, blessed to associate with someone who upholds such values.Whether today's men think it old fashioned or not, if they consider to hold true to these core values, then they will be rewarded. It is no small thing to conduct oneself in the manner described above, and these days, makes any man stand out. I have a 24 year old son, and although if you saw him on the street with his red beard and seemingly unchanging black Metallica t-shirts you may give him a wide berth, put him near his wife, mother or another female, and the old fashioned upbringing, principles and morals kick in and he could hold his own in any gathering. Our society needs our men to be true to this standard, because they are the foundation our world should be build on.Ed, with my heart and soul, I love you.Viking
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RHP User
14 years ago
...but it's probably not acceptable as a definition as such a person has probably never existed, even 150 years ago. I think the "definition" should be broader and accepting of imperfections.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Honesty,kindness,integrity ,gentleness,compassion ,empathy,curtesy,honour, lack of ego,are the qualities of the Spiritual Warrior,whether male or female.....something for me at least, to aspire too...and when I see it in others,something to admire and emulate. x Hugs H
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RHP User
14 years ago
Doesn't this description sound a bit bland? I like passionate, dominant men. It sort of lost me at the bit about not inflicting pain.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...and I done never even knowed it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i work in aged care and i love it when a man with dementia still opens a door for me the carer im in awe of this generation the ladies are ladies also but behind closed doors they are just like u and i sexually into most things in there younger yrs and some still trying lolwhen i was younger i hated the door opened for me i was like excuse me i can do it now im older and wiser i see the politeness in it the thoughtfullness and the respect a man is showing me by offering to do it age brings wisdom as a child i to remember my first trip on a bus and my nana saying get up for the old lady .never swore a word or soap in my mouth never b rude to yr parents or else now i swear like a trooper argue with my parents but i remember how to act in front of certain groups and people under my loud layers and protective shield yes im the lady but mdernised and i love it when i meet the modernised gentlemen sometimes i need a while to soack him up and get use to the gentlemanly ways as its not often i see it and thankfully i raised my kids the same so when im a on atrain and young people dont even give a shit about the mother and baby standing or the elderly standing i look in discust and tell them to get up for them and often get told to fuk of i think who raiised u no respect at all yet if my kids are with me they dont have to b asked i taight them to look out for the less fortunate and the underdog my son was beaten and stabbed severly for helping out a chik who was getting abused by a guy yet he would do it agian he was raised to and its instilled in him forever thakgod i know he will b a good man when he gets married society still has plenty gentleman around thankgod there just hiding
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RHP User
14 years ago
A gentleman? Oh god yes. They stand out a country mile and are a beautiful and dying breed. There is such a wonderful beauty in watching a true gentleman at work. He makes the lady he's with feel feminine and safe. I love them! And yes, a great deal of women have destroyed the gentleman. I can open a door myself but when a gent does it for me i always thank them with a smile and I'm smitten! Hard for a gentleman to find a lady here though... What, with all the talk of their disposable sexual exploits on parade - not too many here. But a true gentleman will find us!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Gentleman are my weakness,something about a man that conducts himself correctly. Behind the pics and being on this site flashing my bits,there is a lady. Who would of thought when I topped the class in deportment,I would be displaying oneself in such a cheeky manner. I am sure there are many ladies and gentleman gracing this site. Nothing eeks me more then a man walking infront of me or walking through a door before me. I still notice these qualities and more. So in saying that, gentleman don't be frightened to show who you are. GREAT THREAD!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I confess, I am old school but even I have had to stop myself doing what comes naturally. No longer will I automatically open a door for a lady, stand aside so she can enter a room first, automatically reach for my wallet when the waiter brings the bill. I use to do all of that (and much more) but nowdays, half the time I will be abused, ridiculed, laughed at, asked what do I expect in return ('fucking nothing' is the answer that I barely can contain). There has been a pethorea of topics on this, and it seems the conclusion is most women would like a gentleman but would prefer a bad boy. Yet the bad boy, by his very nature, will end up hurting them yet they go back for more. And you women wonder why you confuse the crap out of us lol Corrected word emphasised
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RHP User
13 years ago
I pulled a chair out for a lady the other day but she thought I was stealing her seat haha.. You know who u are
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think the true gentleman will always be so, because he simply can not be anything else. A gentleman will always stay true to his upbringing and sensibilities. I consider myself a gentleman towards people who I feel deserve to be treated with respect. I open doors, tuck seats in at the dinner table, how I walk next to a woman is done a certain way, Give a woman my jacket when she is cold etc etc. However, I believe that once respect is lost you get nothing from me whatsoever. It seems nearly every woman wants a gentleman, yet the art of being a "lady" is also a dying discipline. Thus we enter the current grey area we seem to live in. Chivalry is not dead, but it is slowly dying because the efforts of the true gentleman seem to either go unnoticed or unappreciated.
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