F57
The thrill of the chase
March 27 2010
Comments
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Very thought provoking issue you raise Onebright! I've recently found myself in the same situation with what I call a 'teeterer' Everything is going great...just going with the flow...all the right ticks in all the right boxes...then...WOOMPA! I've not seen a faster withdrawl since I told my ex I was ovulating (mid coital of course..lol) Unlike some women, I believe most men are so damaged by the carnage of a broken relationship, they go thru a pavlov's dog type reaction as soon as those dreaded 'feelings' kick in. It's ground hog day syndrome....darnit....
-
RHP User
16 years ago
The thrill of the case...ah thats easy....its mans primal urge to hunt his prey...kill it..and consume every inch of edible flesh before leaving the bones to bleach in the blistering sun.... Joizes!!! I have absolutely no issues with our wonderful wonderful men!! Much...LOL
-
RHP User
16 years ago
This is a good topic Onebrightstar.. It is very much a two way street though..Is the thrill of the chase not as big for woman who pursue men ? Or is the disappointment not the same for a guy who misses out too.. Do you not get a thrill of being chased? You control it afterall you dont have to reply to a message etc..We all read a message to see what the meaning is or isint then we respond.. I know i will get bashed over the head for my response but hey we are adults this should not be anything new to any of us ..I dont expect a response from one member here who seems to like talking crap of me secretly !! No point in hiding i say !
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I think the truth is easier to spot than we ladies are willing to admit a lot of the time. If men are into us, they're into us. If they want no strings, they want no strings. If they are giving mixed messages I think it's usually because we're giving mixed messages ie we're saying we're happy with no strings but we're being very available and attentive, which men of course enjoy, but as soon as it hints of clinginess they back off - because clinginess suggests commitment and that's not what they're there for. I also think men take what we say quite literally, so if we say we're happy with how things are, they assume that means we're happy. If we're starting to feel more attached and taking the growing intimacy as a sign that something deeper is happening, I don't think the same is usually true for the men. For men, I think the deepening intimacy is just something to enjoy, not a 'sign' of where the relationship is going. I also think men know what they want a lot more than we give them credit for. The problem is usually that what they want and what we want is different. Men want love and women want love. I just think that love looks different for the different sexes. For men it's about freedom - a woman that is giving, attentive, available but also independent and understands his need for freedom eg to make their own decisions about what they think, how they spend their time, money, energy etc. Allowing a man true freedom in that way, even in a committed relationship, is a loving thing. For women it's about quality, attention, support, attention, intimacy, attention, time, and feeling like we're the most desirable thing he's ever seen (eg attention). I have a lot more ease and happiness in relationships and flings when I pay attention to the truth that's right in front of me, when I am clear with a man about what I need from him, when I let him be free to live his own life and offer me only what he truly wants to and when I accept it if the two things don't match up.Just my opinion :)lilmiss x
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Lilmissfussy we could not have said it any better than that xx Why do we complicate it all..If someone is into them you soon know, same as in the opposite.. If someone is saying one thing and doing another then what does it tell you ? If you are having sex with someone who is doing this then more fool you.. If i am not into someone i want see them again after the first meeting..But i dont ring them or message them and make plans to do more !!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Hm, loose lips..and sinking ships...or at least trying to. Hows it go? Turning a mole (hill) into a mountain? It appears you have some very caring female friends on hand Taipan, so why worry about airing your grievances in public..just move on..be happy after all, isnt that the best form of revenge?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
But sometimes you have to stick up for yourself..I am gald i am here ,as you got me to play here which i thank you for..You are a great chick .. I wish i knew the answer to this great topic..We all put ourselves out there..Here is an interesting question..If we found the partner we are looking for, we would still play here ? Good to talk with you.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I totally concur with you...But i like my space also..so i can get there way of thinking...xoxoheymumma off men atm
-
RHP User
16 years ago
OneBrightStar, I think you have it in a nutshell. What you say, I feel, is my opinion also. Always miffed, just go with the flow lol Happy is all good Relaxxxx
-
N4November
16 years ago
As sister-RHPers, we collectively have probably had very very similar experiences as each other... I know I found myself nodding to all your posts here so far on this subject! I'm now at a crossroads with the who RHP thing, in that the last 6 months that I have been dating again, I've pretty much done everything I ever dreamed I would do and then some!! Boundaries? What boundaries... those ideas were thought about lightyears ago!!! lol and experimenting.... so much fun! ;) ANYWAY.... my point is, that I am wanting more than even my posse of fwb's can give me... wanting a deeper connection and (aargh!) would now like to have a boyfriend.... So how do I transition from the easygoing chick that I am that absolutely adores sex... to navigating through the 'blackhole' of fb/fwb to something more.... ??? Or have I answered my own question? That my potential bf partners sense that because I love sex so much, that I'm NOT girlfriend material??? Nice to have but perhaps too open to keep? Or should I simply wake up and smell the roses and accept that by virtue of being a RHP girl, the perception is that all we want is sex and nothing more? And would I be better to put myself on a more appropriate dating site to find 'true love'? And one thing that hasn't been discussed yet, is the issue of being a working sole-parent... juggling all the normal life responsibitlies but keeping my rhp and real life seperate and how that impacts on my ability to develop a real relationship... I would say this issue is the biggest reason that has stopped anything really developing because I refuse to let my sex life crossover into my children's lives.... would love to hear how you have managed this!! I would really appreciate your thoughts! bay xxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
This is why i am failing, all you women are techophiles, with the latest GPS (even if Trish's doesn't work quite right) and I still use a 1999 Gregories!But back on topic, the thrill of the chase. For some, everything is about the chase, the more gorgeous the target - and yes they are targets - the more determined they are to succeed. For them it is like a drug, they will pursue their intended target using every trick in the bag, they want that person. But when they finally reach their goal, there is emptiness. The one thing that drew them to that person is not longer valid. The name is ticked off in the list on the fridge and the next target is selected. Without that excitement of the chase, there is nothing.Please note I was not gender specific, women will pursue just as readily as men for the same reason.But not everyone enjoys the chase. For some being the target is a pain, they don't want that type of attention because they can see through all the shit being fed to them. For others, they don't enjoy doing the chasing, they just want completion, they want to be with someone, whether it be a fb or something more permanent. They want this simply because they are seek of chasing, sick of the whole process.Now for a question: is there a difference between chasing and seduction? Probably not in my opinion but the goal could be different. Everyone will use some form of seduction, from the 'hey let's fuck' to something akin of romance. They outcome is often different, for once the pursuit phase is finished, often something longer lasting will ensure.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
A lot of good posts here, almost all of them have something pretty spot on in them. I wish I had all the answers but I don't, I am wanderig through this whole maze myself. Lilmiss has a great point, especially about how men take things liteally "I'm happy" means I'm happy. One thing too for Baya love of sex does NOT mean you aren't gf material at all, just taht you need to find the right person. And isn't that really what the hunt is about? Ultimately we are all looking for somethig or someone, trouble is its a bit like being dropped off in the desert without a map, there is a lot of aimless wandering around and not all of us will ever find that elusive "something". By the way, not always easy to juggle family, work and sex/relationships. Sucks but that is the way it is I am finding. Mooka has a point too, sometimes once a guy succeeds in the hunt, sometimes they completely lose interest. I know that in my younger years that was sometimes the case and its why the thrill of the hunt should always be tempered with some sentivity towards the other person and their feelings. I would like to hop that none of us are here simply to get laid at all costs, no matter the damage to the other person. Like I said, I definitely don't have all the answers, but at the moment I am just trying to be hoenst with everyone I deal with. Its not helping me get laid at all, but gee it makes looking in the mirror each morning easier :) Cheers Andrew
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Babygirl it is agreat point you bring up here about the juggle. kids and a lover/partner /fwb.. I dont have kids so i dont know how it works..I do appreciate the difficulty in having to arrange seeing someone around the children etc..Does this make your mindset different or is this sorted out when you start communicating with a guy ?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I have my own map in my head. I know where I'm at allways. But yes this reationship thing especially this online stuff does my head in. Even here alot of people just seem to want to chat online. It's the way of the world.I send out messages no reply. I have read their profiles carefully seeing that they are interested in the same life goals ie to settle down. My ultimate aim. Kids no kids don't matter as I am a dad to a 20yo daughter. My last 2 relationships has been with mums of kids. It adds a different angle on life to just being a couple. Even better when there is shared custody. Play happy family one w/end, unencumbered couple the next. So those with kids. Are not a problem. You shouldn't think that having kids is a burden to the right guy. As for the rest of this stuff the chase is tedious. I hate it. Too much internal reflection. Just want mrs right before I loose selfrespect.
-
N4November
16 years ago
.... most people are time poor regardless if they have children or not. But as a sole parent, my downtime is incredibly precious because I don't get alot of it! Some parents don't get any respite at all! At least I get every 3rd weekend off... but what I have found, I might meet someone great but to then continue a friendship (with no strings of course!!!) - I'm simply just not available! Chat online, on the phone and text is great... but to get to know a person, you need to spend time with them! I don't agree with having 'friends' pop round after the kids are in bed or introducing men to my kids. I'm always straight up about my status and responsibilities and will make time during the day for first time meets in particular. But this might be great for a guy to arrange a long lunch or an afternoon off once or twice ;) - but I can't expect anyone to continue to do that - because they have their own responsiblities too ie work!!! I think I just have to suck it up like a princess and accept that this is the way it is... because ultimately, my children are my priority... But back to the real topic.... how do we transcend from the fb to gf? Or does it really come down to that we haven't found the right bloke yet because regardless of our situation - if he's really into us, he will find a way? But lastly, I just can't help feeling that even if they ARE into you... the lure of RHP and the potential for more exploits is too addictive to resist? Afterall, its cheap and you can windowshop from the privacy of your own home....
-
RHP User
16 years ago
This is a hard post for me to respond to. ALL of your posts hit a nerve with me and it's been a day of processing thoughts. I'll tell my story with clarity now, your comments infused into it.... I met my fwb of 6 months off site. It was casual and friendly. He called to chat and he called to make a date. I also had another fwb and it was all pretty cruisey. I started to get a little emotionally attached to my fwb late last year. Aware of this change within me I looked with different eyes the next time I saw him. I could feel that he didn't want anything more. So I quietly pulled back. I suppose when he realised I was gone, he started to chase me. Now I'm not a bit fan of being chased - I know what I want and I know what I can have. So, aware that he was chasing me, I made it very clear what I wanted....a relationship. Yes, he said. He wanted the same. Daily phone calls became part of our relationship and through these I suppose we set foundations. And then it happened. Well something happened...the relationship went to another level. I could tell by the way he looked at me, spoke to me, held me. I had entered his heart. He didn't know how to deal with this. He stepped back - I gave him his space and I needed mine too. He was teetering on the edge. I was watching as to which way he would go. I was hoping that he would just stand still for a bit. But instead he decided to move backwards darnit! All that talking, all those discussions discarded. He wanted a fwb again. Now my heart is open to this man and I have no regrets doing that. It's what I needed to do to trust him. My heart guides me...it's the strongest part of me. So I had to make a decision...do I go back to fwb, or do I continue to move forwards. I chose to move forwards. It is because of love that I couldn't let him drag me backwards. I'm standing still at the moment...ready to move forwards should the opportunity arise. So I am still at a loss to understand why men go backwards when their heart strings are tugged. I think Pavlovs dog needs to come off the leash.... Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Hi guys, long time reader, first time contributor and as I'm about to take a break for a while I thought I'd throw my 2 bobs worth in before ducking out. I think lilmiss absolutely nailed it!!!!....gross over - simplification and stereotyping aside, most ( not all ) woman cannot seperate sex from the need to form relationships, even if they say they can, eventualy it will get them in the end. Men on the other hand can , which is not to say men don't want or need relationships, they just understand there is more than one way to have a relationship, all the way from sex only ones to the deeply committed type and every kind in-between. The problem seems to arise when people are cornered into something they didn't ask for and weren't expecting, despite having explained their position. As a general comment, I think women overthink everything way too much and expect us to be mindreaders...men on the otherhand are idiots, who can't think past their next bit of rumpypumpy. later dudes
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'baygirl2315' As sister-RHPers, we collectively have probably had very very similar experiences as each other... I know I found myself nodding to all your posts here so far on this subject! I'm now at a crossroads with the who RHP thing, in that the last 6 months that I have been dating again, I've pretty much done everything I ever dreamed I would do and then some!! Boundaries? What boundaries... those ideas were thought about lightyears ago!!! lol and experimenting.... so much fun! ;) ANYWAY.... my point is, that I am wanting more than even my posse of fwb's can give me... wanting a deeper connection and (aargh!) would now like to have a boyfriend.... So how do I transition from the easygoing chick that I am that absolutely adores sex... to navigating through the 'blackhole' of fb/fwb to something more.... ??? Or have I answered my own question? That my potential bf partners sense that because I love sex so much, that I'm NOT girlfriend material??? Nice to have but perhaps too open to keep? Or should I simply wake up and smell the roses and accept that by virtue of being a RHP girl, the perception is that all we want is sex and nothing more? And would I be better to put myself on a more appropriate dating site to find 'true love'? And one thing that hasn't been discussed yet, is the issue of being a working sole-parent... juggling all the normal life responsibitlies but keeping my rhp and real life seperate and how that impacts on my ability to develop a real relationship... I would say this issue is the biggest reason that has stopped anything really developing because I refuse to let my sex life crossover into my children's lives.... would love to hear how you have managed this!! I would really appreciate your thoughts! bay xxx Thanks for thinking I am somewhat "knowledgable" about these things - but I'm in the same boat as you l(lol), looking for some stability :) Your story is very similar to mine. We come to a point where we need a connection that is sustainable. We have sorted ourselves out through sexual freedom in whatever capacity we have chosen and now want to grow a relationship. SLOW I think is the key. Lust is rushed and very much in the moment. Love is something that needs to grow. And I suppose friendship is the starting point whether it be here or somewhere else. I do think that some men who have been on this site a long time have a tainted view of women - their issue in my opinion. They perhaps also want to get off the merry-go-round, but don't know how to form a friendship because they have been casual dating for too long. I think Taipan mentioned the two way street. And Justforfunisall made comment that honesty doesn't get you laid :) Like you, I am the working sole parent, my kids go to their dads every second weekend which of course enabled and provided for my sexploration over the past 16 months. Occasionally I would have someone over afterdark...letting my children know that a friend was coming over for coffee once they had gone to bed...making sure they were asleep before the sounds of ecstacy emerged from my mouth ;P. Anyway, for me, I need to be absolutely sure that the person I introduce them to is going to hang around for a while. My kids are young, 9 and 12 years old - and I have to put up constantly with my 9 yo saying "mum, I can't wait til we get a new dad!" (she doesn't have a good bond with her own dad who went MIA for 2 years when she was a baby). So it's better for now to keep my relationships totally out of their lives. When that time comes again that I connect with someone who spins me round, the terms of reference for family involvment will need to be negotiated. Mind you, my 9 yo says to me "mum, you have a double bed, when you get a boyfriend he could sleep there"...kids just want the truth, at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Easy pease for gals like you and me! Goodluck
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Brightstar my story is similar but from the guys perspective. I've even been the surrogate dad twice. The first I backed out of due to a massive mid life crisis caused by unforseen drama. The last one I was happy with but alas had it shut down on me due to as far as I can know a mid life crisis for her. Karma I guess. With both I had got over the stage of meeting kids , family and ex's. I guess that part is scary. The first one I was a fb that stayed. The second was a perfect slow courtship first then as the relationship blossomed I became part of a family. If I could suggest a path for single mums to follow it would be the latter. The kids seem more accepting. I guess for us guys contemplting a relationship with a single mum keep a respectful distance from the kids look at them as your own flesh and blood. But be true. As the lioness will protect her cubs above all else and her B.S meter is always turned up. Good luck to all. Fab.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
You know, I am rather philosophical about life and love and everything in between. A friend said to me only recently that she thought I was a self sufficient powerhouse. And sadly I am. I didn't choose this path, it chose me. Sink or swim. Because the path that I did choose was drowning me. So while I will always get what I need, I may not always get what I want. It's a happy acceptance..mostly :) I really came here to write the word, BAGGAGE. It's excess baggage that stops us from moving forwards. Sometimes it's been carried for so long and in a hidden place that the person doesn't realise they are still carrying it until something triggers a memory. I guess that is the opportunity for that person to either sort it out or keep carrying it. If I push buttons which I do - with everyone in my life - then I have to expect that every action will have a reaction... not necessarily the one that I want, but perhaps the one that I need. Nite.x Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
"I am facinatinated by the way men will chase for what they want and when they get it have no idea what to do with it!" An excellent observation. it certainly sums up how Ive felt at times, but really... do we always have to ask ourselves "why"? Ok.. maybe men aren't cuddled and nurtured enough as children. :p It's innate for people to socialise... Everyone wants company... we simply are social creatures. Men crave sexual and emotional companionship. But, society would have us choose a mate for the long haul. That's not innate. It is a matriachal imposition upon our masculinity promoting "family" life and support for mother and child (obviously something to do with survival of the species)..... Ideally, we would fuck women and keep ourselves company in a boys only style tree house... or frat party.. like the bowling lcubs of old.. like the pubs of old... like the gentlemen's clubs of old..... a boys club. All that is gone now. We truly are living a matriachal society and men are being emaciated. So choosing a long term partner poorly, clearly leads to much anxt and emotional pain and disruption... i.e. baggage... thus ... Fear and inhibition... two terrible words... that prevent people from entering into a relationship. Seems to me that I have never chosen who I fall in love with.. and this leads me to conclude that nobody gets to choose. It just sort of happens... if you let it happen... I mean, if you don't push that person away. So.. should I push that person away? Anxt. Who needs it? Why risk it? But I want her... but I dont want anxt... but I want her... but I dont want...... and so on. Emancipate masculinity and I think you will get more certainty. Of course... I just made all that up... but there you go... you asked. Hugs Stalky
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Personally...I think some men just stick around with one eye on the door....just in case something better walks by.And if they can get laid in the process....all the better.They will lie and tell you what they think you want to hear.The most frustrating part is when a guy promises you the world...then leaves you for a girl that could be your doppelganger.I even had one TELL ME in open chat that he lied so he could get laid.His justification?? "This is a sex site". Asshole.Of course...I know this doesn't apply to all men.But geez...the bad ones seem to be outweighing the good.But luckily for me....and the man that eventually gets to keep me...they haven't managed to kill my hopeful heart.JMO... (Just My Opinion)BJxxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Some interesting thoughts and experiences have been expressed...But are we a victom of our age and experiences ? How often do we meet someone these days and they have a horror story to tell which puts you on guard from the start !! How often do we judge almost everyone by a past experience or hurt ? Look at our own Miss Saturn , she is one of the most open people on this forum and she is often missunderstood by readers because of her openness..Which of course we all want to be..We open up here and we get smashed or judged... So when we start painting everyone with the same brush you will never go forward..People also have different ways of expressing themselves..I bet there are people here who are far better at expressing themselves from a keyboard than by speech face to face ! Lets face it we have all been a victom at some point..And we will be vulnerable again ..thats what we do !!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I've read and re read the threads on your post OBS and like you, all have hit a nerve. As such, feeling exposed, vulverable and a bit of a tool. But!! It's all good cos to firstly acknowledge those feelings and secondly allow yourself to feel them properly instead of masking them or even worse, compensate with impulsive actions...is the building blocks of learning and vowing not to repeat the same mistakes again. Thank you for giving this topic some air time OBS, you're one helluva brave star! Now it's off to do some fence mending..... Myname xx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I am thinking you have it right. For me, meeting my boys is a HUGE step for any potential girlfriend or partner. Kids get attached and the last thing I want is for them to get attached to someone with whom there is no real long term future. I also don’t want them to see me in a lot of different relationships, be they casual or longer lasting. Kids might get the wrong idea about that. I won’t sleep with someone I don’t respect and like, but kids can get the wrong ideas and I would hate to screw them up. So for me, the “meet the family” part is such a big step that I am still considering how to handle the whole thing.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
With you 100% justforfun, meeting the family is a giant step to take. Unfortunately, sometimes it just happens regardless of intentions. This is another one of those 'when two worlds collide' thing. The last thing I want for my children is for them to come crashing into a "arsteroid' lol Seriously, children aren't mushrooms.Give them the benefit of the doubt and just meter out the information as required. Forewarned is forearmed, pave the way to the eventuality of meeting someone who has captured both your attention and your heart. Theres no point in rushing anything either...enjoy the ride!!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Totally agree with lilmissfussy. We women ruin it for ourselves. I blame mostly women for what goes on these days. Men are extremely literal with things. If they want it they say it, if they havent said it, most women seem to fill in the blanks and assume things are what they arent. Many women have left men in a complete mess, left them, taken their kids, use the kids as a tool when they want something from the ex, which he will usually do no matter how ridiculous the request may seem because he doesnt want to be stopped from seeing his kids, and then they continue to bleed them for every bit of money they can from them all because they have the kids, which was their choice. Not often do i see a break up, the women takes the kids and then decides to go and get a job and look after everything herself, no sirree. first thing they do is hit the guy up for his money!!! And we wonder why they just arent interested in anything more than a fling??? Think about it!! And im sure this will offend a lot of women, but I will be completely honest, I just dont care anymore
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Rabbit - women do overthink stuff - it's that biological oddity called multitasking Stalky - the "emancipated male" theory, I like the sound of that.... and nahhh, I won't tell you why, but if you ever happen to find one...... BJ - yes, a strong and open heart leads us to the truth Taipan - I am trying to see it from your point of view, but I have to say that vulnerability IS my strength which is perhaps why I have never once felt that I was a victim Myname - what was I saying about vulnerability is strength... Justforfun - as Myname said, enjoy the ride Tanstar73 - nahhh, you didn't offend me. However, I'm beyond pointing the blame finger...it doesn't doesn't help you move ahead. Maybe that" rare" breed of women that you refer to who create an amicable understanding with their ex's stopped pointing the blame finger. Two fingers pointing at each other doesn't get far...just look at a day in the House of Representatives! Just a thought. I take your point though on men prefering just a fling when they feel they are backed into a corner or umemancipated Jx
-
N4November
16 years ago
Talk about getting the brain thinking! Love it. Jesus OBS - lightbulb moment for sure!! "We come to a point where we need a connection that is sustainable. We have sorted ourselves out through sexual freedom in whatever capacity we have chosen and now want to grow a relationship." My kids are 5 and 9. A couple of years back, my son said "Mum, I REALLY want you to get a boyfriend" (bless hime) and he kept going on and on about it. I sat him down and said to him: "Mate, Mum is not getting a boyfriend because (1) I don't have the time (2) I don't have the inclination and (3) I have 2 children, I don't need a third". Funny how such a little person got it!! Afterall, he too suffers from a broken marriage. He hasn't really asked or told me that I should again. Mind you, the bottom line is that I WANT to make the time. BS metre on? Hell yes! Thank you all for your posts. At the end of the day, I am excited about the prospect of finding a new partner... and it won't be hard or complicated! Can't wait!!! Bay xxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Yes. Why do it all again???? I ask myself all the time. I guess it's what I see. Like in the picture painted in the "Wonderfull man post" . I see happy families. My last relationship was for me bliss. The stuff dreams are made of. We were the type of couple and family that would make most envious. Then she changed. She put on weight. As she put on weight the intimacy slowly died. Her involvement with her own daughterbecame non existant. I was left trying to controll an extremely undiscipined mixed up child knowing I had no power. Thus my relationship with her daughter went down as I became like a mum trying to controll a teenager by nagging. She was trying to climb the ladders at work. This swallowed the rest of the woman I loved. A depression ensnewed and to overcome it instead of as a couple changing life style, diet, exercise and setting dreams and goals in a new years resolution. I was cruelly shown the door. (easier for her to clean the slate and do it by her self. ) I put up a little resistance but I got no answers. She wouldn't even look me in the eyes for fear of giving in. I couldn't fight with her to save my love. Why do it again? Well I'm saying I could if I fall for someone who comes with a packaged deal. It all depends if she's the "one". I am determined not to let baggage from all this ruin me. I have learnt so much from this experience. Just recognize previous pit falls and address them as they come. And live in the now not the past. I thank any one who takes the time to decipher and read this thread. Thanks also for your previous shares. It made me really reflective. Going back to Taipans "what makes you happy " post. Fab The insecurities of her baggage convinced her to ditch me before I did it to her as she in her own eyes far from who I fell in love with. While
-
RHP User
16 years ago
So does an arseteroid strike count as an Extinction Level Event?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Kids: Dazed and definately confused...on their behalf followed by incessant critique about my lack of taste and mental acuity on my behalf... I'm still hearing about my 7 year itch...& he's been out of the picture since 2003!! So, in other words, Just4..choose wisely, cos it is you who will ultimately pay for any transgressions of the 'meeting the little fockers' kind! lol
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Wow! I'm sure everyone else feels as I did whilst reading your thread! Recognition of similar circumstances, ensuing empathy and ultimately taken aback by your honesty and openess. From the heart....wishing u all the very best!! humbled myname....
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Yep I think us Men are far less complicated and if it starts of as a Friend with Benefits that is where we expect it to stay, Same for NSA or looking for a more long term relationship .. Basically however it starts is what we expect it to be and not change .... well not for about 5 or 6 years anyway so when things start to change we either get out or disappear as whoa this demon lady is trying to trick me here & she might just want a double brick & tile investment with god forbid a rock on her finger and normally a big fucking rock at that only F or If grade for me or darling or no more blow jobs and you can kiss good bye to Sat with ya mates at the pub watching footy as I will make your living life HELL ...blah blah blah rant rant rant
-
RHP User
16 years ago
....for a moment there I thought you were my ex-husband.....until I read F clarity...phew! Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
The silent dance around each other is more deadly than the loud yelling. Unfortunately more often than not I think, the talking really only starts when one person has has already "left". The power of the relationship squandered by fear. No ones fault - an equal human failing. I totally agree with you Fab...and Myname mentioned it as well, learning from past mistakes heads us in the right direction. The future is so bright :) Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Wow how did you know that happened. I wasn't a noisy angry one. I just picked up a novel to read. Come to think of it I would have read over 50 last year. Is that bad. I'm an insomniac. Some nightsi need to read till I fall asleep. Even now with no pressure on my mind I will read till I'm sleepy.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
We had the silent dance thing happening to OBS. We started talking and agreed to work on our problems and six months later she hit me with it. "But I had already given up when we had that conversation" That really killed me, I thought 12 years was worth at least trying to fix. Was all small stuff anyway. Never found out why she walked. Will go drown myself in scotch for a bit now. "hic"
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I like wise got this. Still don't know. Even if I callher now three months later I'll get the "we have been over this". My mind reeling going but I still don't know. How can you get propper closure. If its I've found someone else. Sure you will tell them what you think and move on. This not knowing is frustrating. It gives you a sense of hope as there were no main issue that we males can under stand. I'm not going to climb in a bottle justforfun. I would rather spend some time in the arms of another. It's been 8 years since I was fall down drunk. I will not go there. Fab.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Fab! I've talked about this to a few of my friends. Their wives all said " I want to separate so I can find myself"..... of course that's completely meaningless on it's face but it is woman speak for " I don't know what I want but I know I want something else... but just in case i don't find that... I wanna string you along a bit longer so I have a fall back position".... it's exceptionally cruel and selfish thinking. Who needs that in their lives!!!! The whole "not knowing" thing that you have been left with ... it has to be bred from her insecurity and selfishness. There's plenty of fish in the sea mate.... but someone should use a labeller on some of them. :p Hugs Stalky
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Stalky you are so right. The residual effects of me still wanting her was boosting her ego so she could kick start her climb out of depression. Not doing that now. One small reason she gave me was that we weren't planning for the future. The reasons for this was my inaction was tied up with my ex wife for reasons too personal to be posted here in public. Any way splitting up just put her further away from any dreams she had. Stupid logic. For me not a good enough reason. No wonder us guys prefer sometimes to keep an eye on the door. Any more than a 2 or 3 month relationship and their gone. Before they meet relatives, kids and have a live in partner. Go chase another get the same benefits before drinks at the pub with mates is gone and the rest of the nerotic dark side of women can change them. So it might be the thrill of the chase but also it might be not gaining baggage that we do it. Sincerely Fab. p.s Just thought I would bring it back to the topic. These are just observations I have made from my mates at the pub.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Ohh, The 'lines' ppl trot out when they are emotionally dazed and confused! Unfortunately there is no school of life or handbook that describes in detail how to end a relationship without leaving a stain on one's soul. Honesty with a balanced combination of integrity and commonsense would be at the core of any communication of this nature, however, again, very few opportunities to gain the skills one requires when faced with a situation of this nature. There are ample books and papers one can access post 'breakdown'. A sad endictment on a society that recognizes the damage but not forearming it's charges with skills and self awareness in which to engage the 'damage' control switch. I guess it boils down to our ability to 'want' to be prepared. Falling in love, lust or making any form of emotional connection appears to interfere with the rational mind. Ultimately leaving us vulnerable and emotionally porous. Fab, Just4....surviving is not living...and I hope opportunities such as forum provides...will give you support, encouragement and direction to re engage with life in all its glory. Anna xxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Stupid thing to say really. That has never been and I doubt ever will be my response to hardship. Time to move on, I think I took this forum to a bit of a depressing place, so my apologies :) Per aspera ad astra
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Tanstar, how incredibly insightful your view on this subject could be to some. Men are of course always thinking & acting literally, whereas women are more likely too look at things & act far more on an emotional level. Not rocket science i say, just the way we work in this world. Obviously as with all there will be exceptions to the rule but they will be just that....exceptions. One thing i'd like to throw out there is something i read amongst a joke regarding the differences between men & woman but seems so incredibly true. It uses marriage but can be taken the same way with a relationship i believe. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change.......And she does.... A woman marries a man expecting him to change....... And he doesn't..... Just maybe this has a little to do with a guy taking that step backwards when his heart may be telling him to move forward... Thinking literally & letting his head reather than his heart make the decision however wrong it may be for him on an emotional level....... Any thoughts ????
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Funwithusnow.... men should follow their erection. All this thinking and anxt of emotion... it's all just a chemical smokescreen obscuring our true desires. :p. Follow your dick and have a magnificent adventure! This 9 to 5 monogamous matriarchal life is killing off our reasone d'être. Hugs Stalky
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I wish I was made like you. Every waking moment a potential fcuk fest with anything that moves. I'm not like that. Fab
-
RHP User
16 years ago
You know, we really are only in charge of ourselves even in love relationships. What we do I think is set agenda's based on a need to control...a need to control our lives. I'm hearing what you are saying funwithusnow....maybe women do "control" by changing, and men do "control" by staying the same...I really don't know. Square thinking maybe. But I think it's when that control squashes the life of the relationship that cracks emerge. Arguements unresolved lead to resentment. I can look back on all my LTR's and see that early arguements were not properly resolved before commitment...my agenda for a partner was not based on truth. I see the "opportunity" as always now. I can see that an open heart is way more powerful than an agenda. I choose to keep my heart open...good things across my life happen when my heart is open. People I meet teach me something about myself when my heart is open. I stepped back from my friend. I kept my heart open but removed the fwb status he wanted to reinstate. I stated my position. I took charge of myself. I knew that I could lose him. I guess if you love something, you set it free. And as weird as this sounds, I loved myself more than I loved him. It wasn't up to me to sort his head or his heart out... He took a risk. He told me his heart is open to me. There still is no agenda. And there doesn't need to be. For the first time ever, I am going to "let it happen". What is it that you say Stalky...live and let love ...or something like that :) Blame is simply something that we do when we can't understand or accept. It's sometimes easier to blame someone or something than deal with the impact of the situation. Just my opinion.... Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Thanks for the post OBS..has been both intriguing and amusing. In contemplating love and relationship, I think we all seek love and connection, some of us seek it for just right now, while others choose to venture boldly fowards into the unknown, either way reminds me of a quote.. Anxiety in love is like a drowning man. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. It's really hard to not want to save a drowing man, and equally hard to just be content to swim alone.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
So true missguided, so true :) Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Wow guys, I have been reading your posts and just wanted to let each of you know how much respect I have for you. You have bared your very souls. You have all showed such strength, your true selves. Even Stalky showed somewhat his soft underbelly! I wish you all well. One Bright Star.. wow you must feel cleansed and clarified letting your thoughts flow to us like that. Thank you for letting us glimpse from where you have travelled. Life is a journey, not a destination.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
That was one scary analogy just let him drown. Hey I know how to swim. Fab
-
RHP User
16 years ago
This is a difficult subject for me - I would say I put a lot of effort in making any woman I go out with 'loved' (if its a relationship) and 'satisfied' if its not a serious relationship but more physical. I think some women get scared if the man actually does 'know what to do' and its scary because perhaps the thrill is taken out of it ? Maybe its all too serious too soon? Sorry, I can't quite formulate my experiences in to more words just yet - my own thoughts on this. - ob
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'ob1983'This is a difficult subject for me - I would say I put a lot of effort in making any woman I go out with 'loved' (if its a relationship) and 'satisfied' if its not a serious relationship but more physical. I think some women get scared if the man actually does 'know what to do' and its scary because perhaps the thrill is taken out of it ? Maybe its all too serious too soon? Sorry, I can't quite formulate my experiences in to more words just yet - my own thoughts on this. - ob Thanks ob....your reflection did Gen Y proud!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I woke up this morningI suddenly realisedWe're all in this togetherI started smiling 'Cause you were smiling And we're all in this togetherI'm made of atomsYou're made of atomsAnd we're all in this together.And long division just doesn't matter'Cause we're all in this together...yeah Exactly.. but who knows what to do?? Let's face it.. every person is similar but different so it's always a question of exploration and delight in discovery... i.e. I think sex is a continuous lesson in human diversity. Plus I think there's much joy to be had in sharing pleasure and I've always thought that sex is as much a gift from me to my lover as it is a gift to me from that person... from that perspective we share each other's delights from an equal footing regardless of a person's experience... and I think that's as important as any concept to grasp. Hugs Stalky Quoting 'ob1983'This is a difficult subject for me - I would say I put a lot of effort in making any woman I go out with 'loved' (if its a relationship) and 'satisfied' if its not a serious relationship but more physical. I think some women get scared if the man actually does 'know what to do' and its scary because perhaps the thrill is taken out of it ? Maybe its all too serious too soon? Sorry, I can't quite formulate my experiences in to more words just yet - my own thoughts on this. - ob
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I agree with your philosophy. I guess when a relationship lengthens we forget to convey that sentiment. Or worse if you do it looses it's potentcy. Fab
-
RHP User
16 years ago
In response to Fab69 I too have been in a few relationships where children have been involved and it is great once you all work out the schmatics of where everyone is in the food chain so to speak and as far as hooking up ith a woman that has children that does not phase me at all as I get along with kids quite well (must be the big kid at heart thing). I too would enjoy that one and the chase for me is not just in the initial chase but it continues through the relationship in order to keep her guessing to what may happen next and in a good way for example to clarify this would be coming home unexpectedly with a some flowers just cause would be my way of keeping it interesting. I am all for a relationship but it has to be on equal terms not all one way and far too many women are also scared of commitment as they fear being changed by another well to me I do not want to change anyone just enhance their happiness so that they know that there is someone they want and someone that wants them thinking about them during the day whether it be a quick call or a kiss sent via a text message,whatever just small gestures that mean a lot. Its not hard to be in a relationship and its not hard to stay with one but if one gets upset easier than the other over the smallest of things that may happen or if one takes a joke the wrong way and it blows out into world war 3,then you have issues especially if there is no rationalising with the one that cracked the wobblys. Seriously though I enjoy being that one and that one being with me but it has to be 50/50 all the way in everything you do.I can be that gentalman only cause I am but there is a darker side to me as well that enjoys some out of the square activitys but when you mix the two togther well you have someone that will open the door for you and pull out your chair and then take you home and ......................................................... These are my thoughts we all are different we al want different things but comprimising a little both ways is allways a good thing. Thanks for reading
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Magzee...I'm still travelling :) I really just needed perspective on something that mattered to me...I just happened to tell my story along the way. And I can't help but speak from the heart. ob1983...as Stalky said, we are all in this together. Whether we be 26 or 41, we make our decisions based on what we know. The older we get, the more experience we gain...but it's pretty useless if we don't use to reflect and move forwards. And thats hard, because we really have to look at ourselves and sometimes change our behaviour or view if we don't want to repeat old patterns. I really like your thoughtfulness...and every woman you meet should be grateful for it and if they aren't...pfft NEXT :) fab...it's hard to be thoughtful when we don't feel that "thoughtful" is being given back :) ArealMaster said that relationships need to be 50/50. Absolutely agree, but sometimes external variables such as illness or work commitments means that a 60/40 or 70/30 needs to exist for a short time. It's getting back to that balance of 50/50 that is hard. And it's harder for the person who relied on the other to step up again and give back. I know...I carried a 70/30 for a year. When I was sure that things were ok with my last LTR again (post traumatic stress) I approached him about re-kindling the relationship. But my partner did not know what to do. Gently gently I encouraged him. Every time I suggested lets go out for dinner...there was an excuse. I wrote love letters that fell on deaf ears, I encouraged him to do his own thing with his own friends...but to no avail. Engaging with him was difficult. Sex which was my connection with him was a Sunday morning inconvenience to him. Could I have done more? I was spent...I needed back from him. Not a lot, just a willingness to engage in life with me. He couldn't do this. Mikle...pavlovs dog was some research way back long ago looking at how conditioning affected the reaction dogs had to food. A bell would ring and the dogs would start salivating as they knew it would be food. The conditioned response. Ergo...if it's not a bell for a booty call, then it's panic stations :) Tough love....soft love....50/50 Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'OneBrightStar' Sex which was my connection with him was a Sunday morning inconvenience to him. Jx To be fair OBS - I had to go to church!!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Church!!!!! People go there to be good christains. But are they. ? I know I'm good. I don't go to church. Lol. Would rather special time on Sunday morning. Fab
-
RHP User
16 years ago
The Men you describe are behaving like teenagers do in their inexperience of relationships. But I figure they're not teenage so break them out of it as you've been doing by asking their true intentions for you. Its inconsiderate to not allow you to know when there's going to be some.....................COMMITMENT(a swear word for men) in the near future. Dont hold back on the swear words like "LOVE" if you feel it .then tell them and the world. Some men think infatuation equals love (Remind them that you love someone for all they are AND all they are not) As far as the chase business goes, frankly its immature and is closely alligned with JEALOUSY (an ugly emotion to suffer). They don't want someone else to sweep you off your feet. And you're facilitating it by the sounds of it by letting it happen(you're only human). I am familiar with all this coz i used to be like this too. But I grew out of it and became a man about it. Go get a Man. It must be driving you up the wall.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' Quoting 'OneBrightStar' Sex which was my connection with him was a Sunday morning inconvenience to him. Jx To be fair OBS - I had to go to church!! The competition is tough!!!!! Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
It is the pits when your the one that tries to keep a relationship together. It can be a destructive journey. I know. I've done it way too much in my life. I wish there was some gps's that told you where peoples egos lie. Life would be so much better. To be able to keep relationships 50/50 is the key. To put romance into every day. If I found someone who knows this I guess I would be in heaven. Fab
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Man! I love this thread...whenever I get underwhelmed by the shit-storm (please excuse the language) I come here and see what real ppl have to say about real issues. Love an update.....like...where are we now?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
This last few weeks has been a very interesting time...I have sort of been sitting on the beach watching my friend "wave" to me from the surf. Every now and then he would catch a wave and ride in, but would stop before the wave hit the shore. He proclaims to love me, yet will not commit to those words by voting with his feet. He wants life to be "right" before he commits...but the reality is, there will be no "right" time for love...it just happens. I look at him with different eyes now...what I once overlooked in his behaviour is now becoming unacceptable. Bottom line is, he is just not that into me. Which is why he finds safety in the surf. But should I turn my head and look elsewhere, he comes riding in on a wave. Enough!!! I am tired of watching and waiting. I am ahead of him already. I am on my feet and on my way. He is "habbits of old" making the final boarding call for a destination not in my future. Finally....my life, my time. Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Please tell me things get better. The last gf said that to me. Derrrr. Yet I was only following her lead. She wanted a relationship so she said that to do this was to take things slow. So I did. 4years later me taking things slow was misconstrued as that I was not that into her from the start. I was only following her rules of engagement. Not disinterest. On the flipside could you handle someone instantly saying he loves you. Wants to marry you before you know much about him. This is the hard stuff. Finding the ballance. The right time to say it weighed heavily on me. If you haven't blown the relationship look into his eyes see what they are saying. Then go by your gut feeling. Fabxxxxxxxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Its been a wild ride for you OBS... however as you've told me many times...allowing ourselves to become emotionally porous brings it's rewards...and from where Im sitting...you are almost at the end of the tummy churning relationship rollercoaster... and about to embark on a calmer, substantially more stable and scenic adventure. Thank you for what I consider to be a very real and 'grown-up' perspective on matters affecting us all...but so many find difficult to articulate. xxxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
he on the money with dogs.they always glad to see ya evenwhen you don't feel real flash.ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaEarl
-
RHP User
16 years ago
My daughter bought her puppy around for a visit today...sooki lala is her name (the puppy...not my daughter..lol) She was so excited to see me she peed all over my carpet...again. Now if only I could find myself a man with half her enthusiasm and joy at being in my company...I'd be happy.....oh...and a little more bladder control wouldnt go astray either...lol
-
RHP User
16 years ago
bladders fine but nearly have an accident when i see the Maddonna with the big boobies.........ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahaEarl
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Hm, maybe thats why the neighbours look at me funny...anyhoooo, I digress. I'm somewhat ecstaticc Herr Meinnamen...this is the first time you mention 'make sweet lurve'..as opposed to the 'phuck phrenzy' of days gone by. Woo hoo! My playing hard to get is finally paying off!!! Yeah yeah, I know, me? playing hard to get?...BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'mynameisearl2'bladders fine but nearly have an accident when i see the Maddonna with the big boobies.........ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahaEarl Gosh! You don't know how much I needed that Earl!!! 4ever in your debt xx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Interesting thread and let's see how many enemies I can make here in one hit? I have enjoyed the discussion of man's (broad spectrum coverage...homo sapein) primal needs, the more evolved emotions of women in general (not disputed, ladies you are far advanced on this one) and the outcomes. Let's play by rolling the clock back to the very simple model brought forward decades ago called Maslow's Hierarchy? Primal instinct and needs were basic survival skills. Period. Breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostatis, excretion and...yes, sex but only for the propogation of the species and nothing else. Ladies, be glad we have evolved a bit above this level, the word "yes" had not been invented and guys, get over it...unless you want a litter of your own, that is not an excuse. The primal male hunted and killed only to meet those tier one needs...beyond that, unless guys you are going to also accept that you are barely a notch above knuckle dragging Neanderthals, loose the rap. The next tier is where it starts to become a bit more complex, safety...and perhaps therein lies the start of the dance. The need for security of body and mind, resources and issues of morality, conscience and holy shit......EGO REALIZATION! Freud please remain seated, I know you would like to jump in here. The third tier really mucks up the waters...friendship, family and sexual intimacy. Now we are all completely screwed and the next tier, with one still remaining, is where we pick up the vacuous feelings and thoughts like self esteem, confidence and RESPECT...for both yourself and others. Damn another hurdle yet again? Yung...have a seat next to Mr. Frued and shut up. Thanks. I wish we could all simply quit rubber stamping behaviours that are unacceptable by any standard and simply tell the truth to our potential partners and ourselves? Include that as part of the dance in...not as a footpath to the way out? Not a damn thing wrong with anwering the question "Will you respect me in the morning?" with a very honest "Hell no, I don't respect you now. Even if the sex blows the top off Vesuvius I am only here for that and that alone". Try it and see how you go? Ladies...I adore you for the fact that, perhaps by society dumping a clone model of what female behaviour is supposed to look like on you in your very young years and beating you to death with it, you are much more emotionally available and far too often perhaps more forgiving than you should be. Guys would never take advantage of that...would they? Naaaa...they are too primal to recognize that as part of the game. But then again, without that you would not be the lovely creatures that you are and I personally would hope that never changes. Bottom line to close my rant and seal my fate...perhaps if we started with respect and honesty as the baseline and worked up...we would not have so much trouble when we start with the alternative and work our way down? Thanks...I enjoyed that!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Firstly, popular theory dictates Maslow got it wrong...reverse the pyramid.. and secondly...if we were to do as you suggest....there goes our economic strength...so many unemployed social scientists, psychologists, welfare agencies, legal fraternity (that one is a bonus)...RHP and the like... oh dear....what were you thinking???!!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Myname I was of course havng a bit of fun...but modern (and many should be unemployed!!) psychologists have yet to disprove that primal needs are the baseline and the rest comes in a structured order? Now besides wiping out a few useless as hell head warpers....we don't live at the level of primal instinct or need, and that was my point. If we revert back to that as a defense mechanism then you are right...why bother with a lot of things like RHP? *LOL*....I will now head out the my workshop and start crafting my club! Too...what does that word "no" mean? Awww who cares......you will be unconscious anyway.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Just read yet another post posing familiar complaints from the ladies being sent sexually explicit and presumptious emails. And again, we had a male respond by suggesting it was the ladies who are at fault as we use provocative avatars to advertise ourselves...heres the part where I get creative....implying we bring it on ourselves. So...... I am removing any form of provocative or suggestive pics from my public gallery in order to guage whether that will have any bearing whatsoever on the type of male and or correspondence I attract. I fully understand this is a gross over-simplification of your thread however, all theories require a modest beginning...here goes nothing! ps: this has no bearing whatsoever on the ppl I am currently chatting to ...you are all absolutely fabulous ppl whose company I enjoy immensely.....long live you all!! xxx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I enjoyed your rant :)))...I have learnt SO much from the men on this thread! I want to explore something you said... I wish we could all simply quit rubber stamping behaviours that are unacceptable by any standard and simply tell the truth to our potential partners and ourselves? Include that as part of the dance in...not as a footpath to the way out? Tell the truth to our potential partners...I agree, but sometimes the truth is not heard because the person hearing it metaphorically has their fingers in their ears going "lalalalala". Are they not ready to hear it or is it that they don't want to hear it? I do believe though that they are smart enough to know, that if they don't appear to be listening they may be rejected. Tell the truth to ourselves...I agree..a person who is true to themselves has nothing to hide from. In a relationship, no matter what form, they don't keep the other person guessing. They don't make excuses. They say it how it is. A person who is true to themselves will not need to be selfish. It's bloody hard to 'call' something that has a magnetic sexual chemistry, but is "not good" for you. And the person who makes that call is unfortunately the person who is true to themselves. Because they can say it how it is. I wish he had left it at fwb...been true to himself and not promised to deliver on something that he couldn't or didn't want to do. But you know what?...this is not a bad thing, in fact it's been one of the best things ever!!! Anyways...I took Tonyerotics advice. Like everything, one door closes and another door opens...just looking for men who are not afraid to face their truth :) Jx >>>>>>>Oh look! there's one in my in-box now <<<<<<<<
-
RHP User
16 years ago
enjoying the thought i one step up from neaderthal manwhen secretly i know i aint..........ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaEarl Ugg
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Mynameonurlips' Just read yet another post posing familiar complaints from the ladies being sent sexually explicit and presumptious emails. And again, we had a male respond by suggesting it was the ladies who are at fault as we use provocative avatars to advertise ourselves...heres the part where I get creative....implying we bring it on ourselves. So...... I am removing any form of provocative or suggestive pics from my public gallery in order to guage whether that will have any bearing whatsoever on the type of male and or correspondence I attract. I fully understand this is a gross over-simplification of your thread however, all theories require a modest beginning...here goes nothing! ps: this has no bearing whatsoever on the ppl I am currently chatting to ...you are all absolutely fabulous ppl whose company I enjoy immensely.....long live you all!! xxx SENSATIONAL pic my gorgeous friend!!! But hey, it's taken a while but I think I have finally worked it out.... (not sure what I was trying to work out now!!!..something to do with meeting men/who to pick... blah blah blah) "DON'T THINK"...yeah...me the thinker 'an all, not thinking!! look at the pic, skim read the profile for key words and feel the "vibe" (and not that vibe Myname..lol) If the vibe feels good - then don't waste time ummming and arrrhing about "stuff" Pick up the phone and call the number. And let it happen Oooooo yeahhh.....:))) Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'OneBrightStar' I wish we could all simply quit rubber stamping behaviours that are unacceptable by any standard and simply tell the truth to our potential partners and ourselves? Include that as part of the dance in...not as a footpath to the way out? Tell the truth to our potential partners...I agree, but sometimes the truth is not heard because the person hearing it metaphorically has their fingers in their ears going "lalalalala". Are they not ready to hear it or is it that they don't want to hear it? I do believe though that they are smart enough to know, that if they don't appear to be listening they may be rejected. OBS ..you overlooked the obvious? Teasing around a bit with Myname, I mentioned that I was going to hand craft a club just in case the world falls apart and we get back to the "good 'ol days"? I they have their fingers in their ears (or their heads in such a place as to make hearing substantially more difficult) ...you may borrow my club and simply apply liberally and frequently chanting a new Mantra...."Are you listening? Do you get this"? Now, I do not condone violence (unless provoked) but if you don't get an answer, you may have just helped the world with the natural progression of Darwin's theory? We have move past the "only the strong survive" stage and maybe with a bit of help....from here on in only the smart ones that do? Just kidding of course....sorta.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Or is that....the thinking woman's intuition trick? Theres a lot to be said for revitalizing natures gift to us all. Thanks for the kick up the proverbial butt OBS....putting my artificial intelligence away... (aka vibrator) and relying on my girly vibrations....only problem is no1 has given me their phone number...wheres the white pages?!! ps: Merci pour le compliment ma belle amie xx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Trouble with being 'Right' usually means someone has got to be 'Wrong'. Judgement values have that duality about them, and then there's being 'Kind'. Reminds me of couples who have been together 10 years or more without fully committing to marry one another, and I sometimes (krassly) ask. "So, which of you are waiting for someone better to come along?" Not easy to hear and so easy to say, though I don't recommend it. But are they waiting for better? Better is a judgement value and in reality better is the same as before with a few improvements. So whats New? OneBrightStar in a galaxy not so far away who is a very attractive celestial body(a judgement value I'm sure you'll agree) is shining anew.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'mikle' As to the mrs expirement of displaying a chase (spelling, I never use that word) Avatar. I have conducted my own similar though reversed expirement (prompted by yet another womens bitching about cock pics thread) In my expirement I did put up my cock pic, reasoning it might actualy attract the type of women I want to meet ie ones that'l fuck me. Whatda know... my profile viewing activity multiplied by a factor of seven. Seems more women interested in looking at cock then faces... hmmm so as much as some might rant about it they seem to be in the minority and just vocal... guess the majority were busy doing other stuff (fucking). Now Chasing... were would we be actualy if we were all honest... the fabric of society as we know it would unravel, beggining in the home. Most probably with lots of men learning their not actualy "Daddy". I shudder to think, "yes all clothes make your arse look not fat, but fucking huge", Financial descisions in the home - "why are you really such a stupid person!!!". You get the idea. I think it's so tradgic as well. I dont want a relationship where I cant be me, being me is being an honest person. I will tell you what I think even if this means I dont know what to think... (yes I had an arguement about this one with a g/f as well) Anyhoo im hungry an out here XX Alright, I have a confession to make...when a lovely friend of mine came up to visit recently (also a RHP member) I asked her to log on so I could see all the pics I am unable to view. I consequently went on a cock pic rampage and yes, your profile was the first we visited however....not a cock pic in sight! Boo Hoo!! BUT...I did get to see more pussy than I have in all of my 47 yrs on this planet...wow! and I thought I was brave by placing a semi face shot on profile!!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I can do Darwins theory :). But it's so damn obvious isn't it that I have trouble with making some people listen! Why can I do it at a management meeting, but have trouble doing it with matters of the heart??? I guess to a degree i know how forceful I can be in making a point..articulate to intimidating sometimes. And i don't want to intimidate. BUT then there is Darwins Theory that you've pointed me to....and my new mantra :) It puts a whole new spin on things..... Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Tonyerotic' Trouble with being 'Right' usually means someone has got to be 'Wrong'. Judgement values have that duality about them, and then there's being 'Kind'. Reminds me of couples who have been together 10 years or more without fully committing to marry one another, and I sometimes (krassly) ask. "So, which of you are waiting for someone better to come along?" Not easy to hear and so easy to say, though I don't recommend it. But are they waiting for better? Better is a judgement value and in reality better is the same as before with a few improvements. So whats New? OneBrightStar in a galaxy not so far away who is a very attractive celestial body(a judgement value I'm sure you'll agree) is shining anew. I simply loved with my heart and voted with my feet - didn't stomp off I hasten to add, just broke with 2 decades of tradition. Liberating...and the past is now so glaringly obvious :) Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Interesting is it not that throughout this thread, the dance has continued to grow from the chase to chosen to love? Perhaps therein lies the most difficult of all life's mysteries and I have yet to read any theory that explains it. Someone please offer one if you know of it? There are first the obvious essentials and of course this is only tow of them...respect and honesty. A healthy understanding of who the other person is may also be invaluable as the liklihood of "he/she will change for me" is but a dim hope. Complicate it. Add in friendship, trust and even a willingness to say "yes" when maybe you really mean "no"...but over time perhaps we learn that there is wisdom and victory in surrender? Just thoughts...it is one of most pleasant mysteries on earth and I doubt any scientist would ever be bold enough to publish a theory and stake his reputation on it. Best of fortune OBS and always enjoy the journey without end.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Was not directed at you Starlet. Just having a blurt about myself in the past and what I felt and that was I was not good enough. The lady I was with let me know and she was right. There were more suitable partners for us both but we were enjoying our time together, albeit a shallow relationship. And this was our 'Out' when it had run it's course. Here is a quote I heard once concerning matters of the Heart. "There are many stories of how a Heart got broken, but what really breaks a Heart is the loss of the dream. Whatever that dream may have been"
-
RHP User
16 years ago
too much talking people..... nike it and tantra......... ;) have no expectations and there will be no disappointments..... go forth with love in your heart .......... smile always........... love miss naughty!!! xoxoxoxox
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Okies...missnaughtyflirt has spoken Chasing and Tonyerotic No more talking...back to the silent dance ;P Seriously though, it's time to move on...despite the gazillion topics raised in this thread! I am sure they will be posted in time. A new romance awaits me next weekend...and the thrill of the chase will go on :) Thank you to everyone who contributed to this post. Perspective is awesome! Jacqui
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Personally the whole chasing BS bugs the crap out of me. . I just see it all as playing games. waiting for the day I can meet one grown up mature man. That knows exactly what he wants and who he wants that doesn't want to play the field or loves the thrill of the chase...Also women can be just the same. If I even remotely feel now any man is playin about I can't be stuffed I'll stick with the devil I know and wait for my chances of the fairy tale Manly Man The Sweet Heroic knight whisking me into a safe and blissful world HA HA HA ok guys Pinch me now
-
RHP User
16 years ago
We men are cavemen. While we hunted. The women sat around going "ugg oo ahh no ". See they started no!!!!!!!!! Lol. Sorry but it is true. The women started language. I know I've got to read " clan of the cave bear " but is this true?????? Has anything changed much in 10 milenia. But I still have a heart and it misses someone too truly love. Fab.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Have fun. Over & Out.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'BigBrite_Bubbly'Personally the whole chasing BS bugs the crap out of me. . I just see it all as playing games. waiting for the day I can meet one grown up mature man. That knows exactly what he wants and who he wants that doesn't want to play the field or loves the thrill of the chase...Also women can be just the same. If I even remotely feel now any man is playin about I can't be stuffed I'll stick with the devil I know and wait for my chances of the fairy tale Manly Man The Sweet Heroic knight whisking me into a safe and blissful world HA HA HA ok guys Pinch me now I have come to realise, that the "thrill of the chase" is not about men chasing women or women chasing men... It's about chasing your dreams!!! Go for it BigBrite...and don't let the devil hold you back :) Jx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Somewhat of a dilemma don't you think? Oh the ooze pond can be a very small place at times.....Infinitesimal even....
-
RHP User
16 years ago
If only this conversation was real. Women lead men on to the point??? then withdraw. Any wonder me are confused as most women give totally confused signals. As someone who is older than most even getting a woman to stay in contact long enough to find out that you are not an "old" man is totally impossible. Generic age does not always mean the best of the bunch. You women should give us older but younger thinking guys a go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I am getting much the same response. There is no thrill of a chase. Well for me anyway. I am now 41 and the age parameters are my enemy. It is ok for girls to lie about their age but for me it's honesty. To lie about my age I might be able to play more but I'm not into that!!!!!!!!!! Fab.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15119 Comments: 88292
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10255
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2519 Comments: 11672
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9772
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1005 Comments: 5238
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1302 Comments: 5788
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1993
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share