F48
The one who wont go away
September 09 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Got a stalker. Give me a ring, if you want me to talk to this bloke for you..Be carefull, be observant, be suspicious.Didn't want to say anything on your FB in case he on there.Cheers Nev
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RHP User
13 years ago
If you have made your feelings clear and he is still stalking you record all ph calls from him and tell him you are. Next talk to the cops... Go from there. Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thanks guys Mischevious - Im hoping to not take it that far (Police) but I do have their number saved in my phone just incase. I have been blunt with him but this has sadly stopped me from going to any of my local watering holes because he has put the word out that we are a couple (he has lived in the area for a couple of decades so everyone knows him)...being blunt just doesnt seem to work this one. Felonious - thanks Nev. While he isnt on my FB page a mutual friend is so I definately can not discuss this there. I appreciate your offer and you never know I may have to take you up on it. Kisses Focus
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Paradisepair
13 years ago
But I had a boyfriend of about a year once who took an additional 6 months before I was able to shake him off. Lots of stalking and declarations of love (in amongst ranting and muttering). In the end all it took to end it was letting him know I had met someone-else. If I had known I would have made up a lover months before.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think if you call Telstra and ask nicely they can stop your phone from receiving calls from a particular number? Check out the book Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much To Let Go by psychologist PhD Susan Forward. Your local library may have it or it's fairly inexpensive on bookdepository.co.uk Gives some good insight and advice about what to do about your admirier who has overstayed his welcome. But as much as possible don't play into his loop that's going nowhere. Paying attention to him, even negative attention (Go away, I'm not interested), will likely keep reinforcing his behaviour. Then he can ask "Why?" or try to "prove" why you "should be", or act the martyr in the hopes you'll feel bad or rescue him, and on and on. If you ignore him (after making it very clear that you are saying go away and will not talk to him again) eventually the whole thing should run out of momentum. Good luck Focus.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with those who have advised that you go to the police, or at least warn him that you will do so if he doesn't stop. He may be a nice guy, but you need to be able to claim your life back with the freedom to do what you want and speak to whomever you want to without having to give reason to anyone as to why. I'm sorry that advice isn't anything new, but just wanted to stress what others have said is good advice.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Mischievous has the goods. You're already withdrawing your own personal liberties because of this person. That's never ok in my mind or in the views of the law. I do hope for your sake a solution to this is forthcoming with the utmost amount of urgency.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Sorry you have to go through all of this, unfortunately some people can't take rejection well and unable to move on, sometimes it may not be love but hurt ego, pride etc, some good advice from above
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RHP User
13 years ago
Go to the police,get an order against him which will mean he won't be able to come near you.When at your favourite watering hole he will have to leave,not yoo.The time for trying to convince him is over,get your life back.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Only put happy stuff and interesting ideas on FaceBook. FaceBook is not the place for heavy shit and (what some people tend to do) farm sympathy..Secondly, If he won't respect your wishes he's not a nice bloke. Simple. Now that's dealt with.. Harassing someone is against the law. Tell him to leave you in peace, then ignore him. You don't owe him any type of kindness. Having been stalked myself, I have a pretty dim view of this behaviour.We all find out selves wanting someone badly from time to time. If they don't want us back, it's probably down to our own ego and nothing at all to do with love. What so ever!!If the rest of us can find some ticker to beat these feelings and move on, so should he..
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hey there, Oh my god, arnt these ones that just wont go away so frustrating. 1) Never EVER reply to him. 2) If you have a block number feature on your phone, do it, and now, dont waste another second. If you dont have the block feature then like slippery_halo said, call your phone provider to get him blocked, or if you are almost up for a new contract and your number is not for anything but personal use, you may even consider changing your number. 3) don't put your life on hold and stop going out to enjoy yourself because of someone. Even this he will feel he has won. If you see him out because someone has let onto him, at least your in a safe place, tell him with people around that will back you up as a witness, that he has got to a point that he is stalking and harassing you and if this behavior continues, you will call the cops, tell him not only are there now witnesses here of his stalking evidence but you also have the texts for backing on that also. 4) If after a certain period of time you chose to accept and tolerate, the others are right sweety, you really will need to take that evidence to the police.In my case, i had a guy stalk me for 8 months. In the end the only thing that worked was determination on my part to 100% ignore his phone calls and texts, I was getting many every single day for the first 3 months, then it gradually died down to every few days before a few weeks and eventually he got the message that i was simply was not ever going to encourage his stalking.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Tell him it makes you look Bad Tell him he is freaking you out ' And tell him if he calls again you going to report him Then Never Ever speak, chat txt communicate with him ever again...could be a good time for a 2 week break someplace
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RHP User
13 years ago
the gift of fear If you ignore him, it takes awhile but they fade away as you are no longer stepping into the ring with them as in engaging them at all. you do not need to be nice at all nor mean either going to the police , may just make it worse depends on your circumstances. Its a horrid thing to go through all the best kido
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RHP User
13 years ago
He is rather good looking and he acquired a stalker for "who knows where" .. after about 6 months of listening to him wing and complain about it .. my sister and I decided to attend a function where both he and she would be .. We struck up a conversation with her .. and mid way thru it got around to checking out the EYE candy .. she immediately honed in on little brother .. UNTIL we told her she was wasting her time .. as he was GAY (which he wasnt, but we made her think he was) ... she was heart broken and left the function .. and that was the last of the stalking She got married to someone else about 12 months later .. but she never again pestered my brother .. >> WHAT else are older sisters for ..
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RHP User
13 years ago
Mostly as above, and for awhile change your social haunts, let a select few friends know you are going elsewhere and if they are your true friends they will back you up and go with you. Just not being in the places he/you usually haunt distances you, as mentioned don't answer any calls emails etc from him, in fact get a new phone number and only let those you trust get hold of it, if you have a landline get an answering machine so you can vet who is on there then pick up if it isn't him, it can also be used as evidence against him if he keeps ringing(of course it has to be one with a cassette or some device that stores the messages so you can give it to the police. Diarise all the times he has pestered you as a hardcopy evidence, let him know the police know
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes I've had one , ended up getting the Police onto him and one night he was standing in my front yard - set the dogs onto him .He has thrown rocks on my roof, yells out whilst driving by my house Had to get a Court Order against him . A real creep who could not take no for an answer, the problem I have now I have to look over my shoulder when I arrive home from Work.
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RHP User
13 years ago
the mutual friend...there are going to be instances when we see each other..whether I liek it or not...while he has stopped me from visiting my local watering holes (believe me thats not much of a loss I just go elsewhere a bit further afield) I dont want it to stop me from seeing the mutual friend...I dont want the mutual friend to have to chhose - this isnt the mutual friends fault. I will take all advice on board and see what happens. Im currently trying the 'ignore and hope he goes away thing' Thanks everyone for your sage advice Kisses Focus
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RHP User
13 years ago
Dear Focus Firstly I am so sorry to hear of what you are enduring..and enduring you are…I agree with all the posts so far….ignore ignore ignore…and yes for a while there you may have to change your hangouts and habits…yes apparently because this tosser can’t understand or accept the word NO…you have to change, not him !!..That seems fair doesn’t it ??? – Its true what they say..you never really know anyone until your breaking up with them…no matter how well you think you know them - do we ever really know anyone…? Now a lot of posters have said get the police involved, but let me tell you, the police aren’t interested in situations like this unless they believe it will lead to violence…harassment, no matter how bad is dealt with by the Courts ….so please Focus (and I really hope it doesn’t get to this) take heed of my little story of woe I was the subject of a female stalker – my ex screwed around on me with her..and somewhere in that 22 minutes of togetherness she fell in love with my ex… he ended it with her but she became fixated with us…but more importantly .. me….. 8 months of hell Paint stripper over my car, tyres slashed, phones line pulled out, electricity turned off, dog kidnapped, endless endless endless sms and ringing of the land line at all hours, emails from bogus addresses, drive bys, stakeouts, running into us at various functions and venues…visits to our work…the list went on…..the police were not prepared to do anything no matter how many times I complained ..Oh and I complained….because they only wanted to get involved if it’s potentially domestic violence situation –with the emphasis on domestic…….so I went to a lawyer. The lawyer wrote her a nice warning letter… but forewarned me to be prepared…either she would let it go or it would escalate…it escalated…...the lawyer instructed me to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN..record … EVERY THING- time - date - places instances… etc..everything….give it a month and then get to court and apply for a MRO – a magistrate will need to see documented proof and if you can, photos of what your alleging (like a car parked out the front all the time etc) ….you can’t just rock into Court and say I’m scared and his hassling me…you have to prove it.. Now a MRO is not a AVO – MRO are what they are called in WA but perhaps there is something similar in your State –NSW - but a MRO is a Misconduct Restraining Order -A Misconduct Restraining Order is an order made by The Court to restrain a person from either breaching the peace, causing fear, damaging property or intimidating another person. A AVO (Apprehended Violence Order) can only be used in WA if the person is violent and is related thru family or defacto to you. Please Focus I’m not trying to scare you – but knowledge is power and if this loser doesn’t take a hike, then you must arm yourself with your rites…and what you can do…..my thoughts are with you and please let us all know how you get on xx
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RHP User
13 years ago
Keep running, he'll keep chasing. Buy some wedding magazines and leave them in the recycling bin which he probably goes through. Maybe ask him to go shopping with you, casually peruse engagement rings and perhaps wedding dresses. Act clucky around any kids or pregnant women. . Before too long, the C word will scare him off.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I wouldn't be getting to bent out of shape with Jeano's comment, he has his own unique style.I reckon Focus is well aware of Jeano's style, he's quitea funny bloke, and you have made the mistake oftaking what he said literally.Cheers Felonious
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RHP User
13 years ago
You have been through the wringer haven't you. People can be such pyscho's, men and apparently women.How's your project going or did your illness bugger it up?Cheers Felonious
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'jsk6767' Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Um.... J_G... you forgot to add smiley faces to indicate you're being cheeky. Because if not... thats the most ridiculous piece of advice for dealing with obsessive-possessive people ive ever read. DG Have to agree with DG here,please don't listen to this piece of advice Lost-Focus,as this may be just what he is hoping for,your's truely You should listen to these guys Focus. Not only is their heartfelt concern making me feel warm and fuzzy, but they may have just helped you dodge a bullet (you know, if you shat your brain out and were planning on taking this guy shopping for wedding dresses). . Lot of stalker expertise in this thread.... makes you wonder.... does it take one to know one..?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes my stalker turned out to be one of lifes greatest teachers..I learnt so much from that experience sadly and BTW the MRO did work..I didnt think it would and I was very sceptical about it all...but yep she left us alone over that....stupid girl ..she has herself a police record which shows every time she applies for a police clearance which nearly every job in WA asks for..my ex certainly wasnt worth getting a record over My project did grind to a halt due to illness but I reapplied and they have informed me I can go again on the 18th October...so thankyou for asking and I know your kind thoughts will be with me..I hope you are well xx
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RHP User
13 years ago
One of my friends recently had an ex of hers start to stalk her. Except he started to threaten her and her son's life. Usual stuff - lots of texts and phone calls, drive bys etc etc. She went to court and had an AVO rejected, despite having threats recorded.I suggested one simple bit of advice that she hadn't even considered. Change both your mobile and home phone numbers. Yes, it's a bit of work to inform your friends/business acquaintances of the number changes. Hopefully, one of those won't pass on the new number. However, considering the number of nights she lay awake in fear waiting for the next communication, one evening of sending out the new numbers to a selected few was well worth it - it worked.
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RHP User
13 years ago
OH NO YOU SEEM TO HAVE CAUGHT A FLY!! :Phave u tried just cutting all contact and not responding to him that tends to work !Block his number so he cant call you :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I appreciate your concern Mischevious and JSK but really I know JGs humour quite well (Ive been around these parts for a while now - not just as Lost_Focus but also a previous incarnation as focusliason) and there is actually a few veiled digs in JGs initial comment that you wouldnt be aware of so dont worry about him. JG - I dont think I can even fake clucky (having never felt it) does it mean I have to start flapping my arms and make chicken noises? Wow!! Thanks so much to those of you who have come out with your own experiences...it saddens me to see that this happens all too often and that I am not alone in this. I think some of you have missed a clarification I posted a bit further along (away from my initial post) about the fact we have a mutual friend...I am going to run into him on occassion, it will be unavoidable...so whats needed here is not the police or a court order but some way of firmly ensuring he knows I am not interested and that he takes the hint and leaves me alone. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
13 years ago
I obviously hit post beforeI saw your second posting regarding the mutual friend..Im sorry about that ..but was concerned for you
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RHP User
13 years ago
Try the book I suggested, Focus. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of jumping to police/AVO anyway, mutual friend aside. Yes, it's there if required, and if absolutely required no-one should hesitate about using any and all avenues available to keep themselves and their sanity safe. But before then, any other recourse is worth trying. Focus, if you've said VERY clearly and unambiguously that you're not interested, he is to stop and take his unrequited love elsewhere, and you've ignored him ever since, I think you're well on the way to recovery. You only need consider court orders/police etc if he does what some other people have described and actively harrasses/stalks you. The slashing tyres, standing in your front yard at 2AM, throwing rocks at your roof sort of thing. Short of that he's a very unfortunate man whom I feel sorry for and whom I wouldn't want to be for all the tea in Uzbekistan. The cold turkey, cutting off all contact, approach seems by far the best. If/when you see him at social occasions (and it's possible he may even avoid them himself so as not to see you, you never know) you can say, "Hi, hope you're doing okay, but that's all I've got to say to you, going to talk to someone else now, enjoy your evening, goodnight." He won't be able to (reasonably) play the "bitch" card but he won't be able to delude himself into thinking you want to have a D&M and confess your reticient yet undying love for him at the function either. All ze best!
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RHP User
13 years ago
No problems Velvet...Im glad others have had the opportunity to share their own experiences and if someone (other than myself) has seen this thread, read it and have realised they are not alone then its worth it. Slippery - Im taking the 'if I ignore him he will go away' optionand seeing how that goes. I have also spoken to the mutual friend and explained the situation, I have stressed I am not making them choose between us just filling them in on what is going on so that if we do meet at social gatherings the mutual friend understands why I will try my best to avoid the other person. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this works Kisses Focus
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RHP User
13 years ago
If he is well known.....perhaps explain the situation to one of his friends in very plain language and ask them to talk sense to him before the law gets involved.It may sink in coming from a third party.
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