F74

The nature of the beast

January 24 2012

Reading another post there was a quote , you are either one thing or another. I took it to mean you are either dominant or submissive in nature. Some people also term themselves a switch. My concept of a switch may be a person that can change roles while in sexual play. While people may have very high powered jobs and are by nature assertive, its interesting to see that when engaging in sex that submissive desires are expressed. I think submission is a covert thing, especially for males. For women its not so hard to express themselves in this way. I have talked to women about this and many cannot become dominate in roll play with males,its not in their nature to do so. I believe that roll play of this nature depends on the partner. The dynamics of the situation, as in young guy older woman may be easier than older business guy who all of a sudden goes from being the head of a corporate firm to licking as one person said so quaintly put, the dust bunnies out of your toes. For me its not so much the role play its more the knowing when you are around an alpha male. Now people who know me will say I do not take shit from any male , but I am smart enough to stay clear of alpha males. Lucky for me that’s not hard they are like rocking-horse shit. This does not mean that I hunt for submissive males at all, though I do know a few who are nice guys and I understand how hard it is for them to find a woman to dominate them. I guess alpha females for sex play are also hard to find. So ladies, do you find yourself unsettled by that alpha male? Even though you are a bossy lil thing and always get your way? For men do you know what women will bring you to your knees, that bring out the submissive male in you? Or do you call the wrong women miss? Unless your in jail of course then you have to call all women miss, that must be pretty hard to swallow for an alpha male.

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RHP User

14 years ago

I'm a switch, I suppose. That's likely because I'm not a very obedient sub.. so this disobedience and insolence, and noise can lead to some frustration for classic doms. I don't usually submit to dominant people unless I'm already tied, tamed and slutty :p which is a point I usually get to by being proactively forward, oddly enough. However, I really prefer to be submissive in m/m interactions. If you're twice my size, masculine, hairy and muscular with a really manly scent, voice and attitude, then I'm like putty. However, some blokes need a bit of a push otherwise they're a dud root... so I errr... switch. As for women, I am usually a dom, probably because most women simply assume the sub role. I have never had difficulty enjoying a dominant woman and being punished for being so naughty.HugsStalky

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RHP User

14 years ago

The term BDSM relates to three tenets, Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. One does not necessarily need to be dominant or submissive just because they engage in BDSM play. Just because you're a masochist doesn't make you a submissive/slave and vice versa and just because you're a sadist or a Top or an Alpha doesn't make you a Master/Mistress/Dom/me. There's also the misconception that your personality outside the bedroom has an influence on the role you play. There are just as many strong, take-no-prisoners people who want to Top in their relationships/play as there are who want to give away every bit of their control and be free of any decision as soon as they're in safe hands and there are people who just don't give a shit either way and don't want to play at D/s at all but people try to shove the stereotype onto them to suit their own fantasies.I think some people get carried away with the labels and start assigning behaviours and roles according to those labels but in actuality there are as many different ways to 'do' it as there are people. I'm a firm supporter of two people defining their relationship on their own terms rather than trying to fit an expectation that 'to be this I have to do that' or 'I like this so I must be that' when in reality you just need to work out what you want, get out there and negotiate for it with someone who matches and balances with you.xx Sarah

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RHP User

14 years ago

There is a difference between an Alpha male and a Dom. A dom to me would be purely in a sexual context and yet an Alpha male is that in every aspect of his life. Being Alpha does not mean that he is always, tough and strong and does not have a gentler side either. The distinction also should be made between a Dom, and Alpha male and someone who is just a bully. Alpha men do not phase me, Doms do not phase me but bullies are another story all together.

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RHP User

14 years ago

...at the mention of the term "Alpha Male" thoughts have wandered almost immediately to the BD/SM culture and I agree with Sarah that the sooner we separate out and perhaps delineate the various sub-sets and complex nature the better we will understand it. Some elements of this culture, such as subrogation, humiliation and degradation then expressed as a part of human sexuality are perhaps elements of the human psyche that would be difficult to comprehend, let alone define. I'll leave that for now...there are already any number of books and doctoral candidate theses papers published on the subject should you care to explore them. | I think it is a pity that a more "Urban Dictionary" version of a true Alpha male or female for that matter has been broadly accepted and in fact is often quite in contrast to the characteristics of a true Alpha...and now often used loosely to describe behaviors that are simply contrarian, abusive or used as masques to hide behind. I am quite sure that you would rarely find these characteristics in a true Alpha. An example of one is Howard Putnam who near single-handedly resurrected Southwest Airlines from collapse. He left the company when it was well and truly a dominate force in the airline industry back in the early '90s. I have an autographed copy of his book "The Winds of Turbulence" and whilst he was here in Australia, had the pleasure of spending a bit of time getting to know him. | Perhaps you should revisit nature for more clarity of true Alpha behaviour...such as that found amongst the North American Great Gray Wolves or the Osprey. Prior to coming here...I spent a great deal of time living and working in some very remote areas and observation is by far one of the best teachers. I am waffling on a bit so to keep this short(ish) perhaps look at how the Alpha male in nature interacts both with the pack and his female counterpart who too is nearly always an Alpha in her own right. The osprey...they build nest that they may live out their lives in and during the season when the young ones arrive you rarely see the male, unless of course you are foolish enough to attempt to approach the nest whether attended to by the female or not. He is most often sitting out of view and perhaps even completely across a canyon watching what is his and what he will protect ferociously. | As for the rest...if you are intimidated by what you perceive as an Alpha, you are either yet to meet one or are one of those more "Urban Dictionary" versions yourself. They will cut right through every wall you have ever built, are used to being waist deep in bullshit and will very quickly hand you back all your baggage well before you board the plane. | It's not at all about how you act....it's all about who you are.

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RHP User

14 years ago

Thank you for the Anthropology and national geographic tour. I am not thinking of Alpha in bdsm play so much as in interaction. Its not something overt at all for me. Its just a sense of a person, and no I cant find it in the Urban Dictionary not in the Thesaurus for blondes. But just let me check my Moony Ponds journal. Must be still in my load of baggage, maybe the pretty pink make up case or no wait could be in my huge shoe cupboard. I have met a few I have met a few wanna be Alpha males as well. I am not an Alpha female, I am just assertive when I need to be. Nuf said

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RHP User

14 years ago

...and hey, I'll always have a warm place in my heart for the National Geographic magazine. When I was in grammar school, they would actually let me check out the latest copy and there were women's boobs in nearly every edition...mind you they weren't glam shots but they were boobs and at 9 years old it was much better than getting belted in the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper by my mother when I got caught looking at my dear ol' father's latest copy of Playboy. It was almost worth it...the boobs, they were much better in Playboy. | I doubt you will ever hear a true Alpha say "I'm assertive" and in fact half the time they avoid that by delegating authority be in the boardroom, their own home or even in the bedroom. Hence the reference to Putnam, as how he rejuvenated a near bankrupt airline was the basic story line for that TV show "Undercover Boss". He rolled up his sleeves and worked his way through nearly every facet of the operation from the check-in counter to baggage...and found the real problem was the PVC Alphas sitting on their pompous asses in the board room. He then cleared a few chairs and the rest is history. Could be why folks like Warren Buffet say there can't be two yous or Bill Gates tells folks that he isn't smart, he just surrounds himself with people that are smart. | Now there you go with that almost classic passive aggressive stuff that I just love...making blonde jokes? Not all of them have huge shoe closets...those aren't always big enough so they have shoe rooms, usually with lingerie lockers on one wall and shoe racks on the other. Here is another little know but scientifically proven fact? On both the toes of every shoe and the cup of every bra, a blonde will have the letters "TGIF" written in what is usually a contrasting colour neon pink permanent marker. Has nothing to do with the upcoming weekend...as on the shoes it means "Toes Go In First" just as a reminder for a proper fit. Now on the cups of their bras...quite similar and you have probably guessed it what with my lifetime appreciation of boobs? | It stands for "These Go In Front"...although is you wore two with a pair in both the front and back, you might just find a real boob-manic hot on your trail. Careful though, those folks from National Geographic are hunting down the aliens and with the bounty they have offered to freelance hunters....that could be dangerous! | ...damn wolves. Wonder if anyone ever asks them if they are assertive?

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RHP User

14 years ago

Quoting 'ChasingChilli' I don't find alpha males unsettling. I find disrespect, intimidation and threats unsettling, so when that is combined with an alpha I will steer well clear.A true alpha male has no need for disrespectful, intimidating or threatening behaviour - these are sure signs of insecurity, a need to assert oneself by belittling others.A true alpha just does his thing with a confidence and self assurance that puts most people at ease. They are typically quite happy to surround themselves with others who are strong, smart and confident (and are happy to work with and learn from other alphas on the way up).Most will carry the dominant personality into the bedroom, although some certainly do not. There is a difference between being an alpha and a dom, just like there is a difference between being a sub and a doormat (a sub is giving, a doormat just lets others take).And there are many alphas who are quite dominant in and out of the bedroom that have little interest in the role play that goes along with BDSM (like me).Text books are written about these things.Mr Chick

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RHP User

14 years ago

...and is both measurable as well as observed in either qualitative or quantitative profiling of the individual. | Quoting 'chickcara' A true alpha just does his thing with a confidence and self assurance that puts most people at ease. They are typically quite happy to surround themselves with others who are strong, smart and confident (and are happy to work with and learn from other alphas on the way up). | Mark Cuban is yet another example of a true Alpha and was profiled. One of the things he said was to surround yourself with people that don’t agree with you. His argument was that if people are always agreeing with you, you’re never challenged and there’s probably a good chance you’ll put yourself in jeopardy. You will find that he is well liked throughout what one can only call his empire and often regarded as a colleague rather than simply "the boss". His story makes for an interesting read as do several of his short takes that you will find on the internet. And on that note, I will leave the subject. | ...thanks for letting me play.

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The nature of the beast

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