F56

The law of "Fuck Yes or No"

September 26 2014

*** if you don't like long posts or articles sourced from the net, skip this thread*** Little did I know, I've been living by the law of fuck yes or no for years now. It works a treat for me, and in particular, it ensures my life is full of quality not quantity. The law is a bit like "he's just not that into you" but more direct and even simpler, if that's possible. From the publicly available article ... (I apologise for what I'm sure will be dreadful paragraph spacing) "Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous. “She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?” “Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?” “He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?” Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that. Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving. Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder. These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost. Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you? What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your self-respect? The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said that “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.” The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. As you can see, The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them. This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” has many tangible benefits on your dating life: No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected. No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more. Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.” Establish strong personal boundaries and enforcing them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run. Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet! The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “Fuck Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on. Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? It doesn’t sound like the answer is a “Fuck yes.” Then it’s time to move on. Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away? That is not a “Fuck Yes,” my friend, therefore, it’s a no and not worth pressuring her. The best sex is “Fuck Yes” sex — i.e., both people are shouting “Fuck Yes” as they hop between the sheets together. If she’s not hopping, then there’s no fucking. (Hint Fellas: This is a great time to ask the girl why she’s not comfortable, and what she’s looking for from you. That, by itself — you know, treating her like a human and empathizing with her — often solves this “problem.”) Want to date that woman you met last weekend but she keeps ignoring your texts and calls? Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Well, my friend, this is obviously not a “Fuck Yes.” Therefore, it is a “No.” Delete her number and move on. Fuck Yes or No applies to relationships as well. My girlfriend works with a guy who got married because “it seemed like the right thing to do.” Four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a Fuck Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No. Sometimes The Law of Fuck Yes or No will apply differently on different levels. You may be a “Fuck Yes” for friendship with someone, but mildly excited to have sex with them. Therefore, it’s a no. You may be a “Fuck Yes” on banging someone’s brains out, but a definite “No” on actually spending any time with them. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your current needs. A common Fuck Yes response from a woman. Flowers and all. But the real beauty of The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life. When applying the Law of “Fuck Yes or No,” there are really only two problems one can have. The first problem is people who never feel a “Fuck Yes” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you. Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a fucking sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting. The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “Fuck Yes” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild responses, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Fuck Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Fuck Yes” to. And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness." - Posted from rhpmobile

Comments

Seachange73

11 years ago

Sorry. Skipped this. Too long for me tp read in between meetinga or dueing my lunch break. I'll wait for the synopsis. Lol Cheers - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

This is actually awesome.... - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

And spot on, too. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

"The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them." I've said "Fuck yes" within the first five minutes of meeting someone plenty of times, and luckily have had others feel the same way.My "Maybe" could become a "Fuck yes", but only on the first night. If it hasn't happened then, it won't ever. (Every time I've gone on a second date with a guy because I wasn't sure, it was a waste of both of our time.) I'm all for the principle. I think either want or go for something 100%, or keep looking. If you find you continually have to motivate yourself when it comes to doing anything (and have to remind yourself why you were doing it again), I think your heart just isn't in it. Why continue with something (or someone) you don't truly desire or that doesn't give back what you put into it?This goes for sex, relationships (including friends), jobs, etc. I do not want to have to convince someone to be/stay with me, nor do I want to have to come up with reasons why I should be with them. Been there, done that and all I did was a massive disservice to us both. If it's a Fuck yes from me, whomever I'm with will sure as hell know about it. I kinda suck at ambiguity.

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RHP User

11 years ago

I applaud the premise of yr article, & it does indeed make for good dating advice. My gripe is that it is overly simplistic, rambling & based more on perceptions or intuition, than psychology or rational human behavior.. People would never leave the house if they followed this advice. Humanity would go extinct. It’s rare enough to feel “fuck yes” about a person, and two people almost never feel that way reciprocally, at exactly the same time.. You need to leave room for the other person to 'overcome their personal demons.. There’s a reason people play games, even if they are not consciously aware of it... In my case, I lack trust, I am scared to falll in love, i fear being hurt or used... So the emotions may be inside, but I'm just not a 'Fuck Yeah.!! Kinda gal... Give me time, space, love...And I will show u the real me. But if u follow 'The Laws' then I don't stand a shit show in hell... I think 'The Laws' will work better in friendships, but even then, helping a lonely person will not always feel like “fuck yes” but still I’ve found it worthwhile. Those suffering from heart break, anxiety or depression will not be rmy cheerleaders, but i kniw one day my loving efforts will be appreciated When it comes to work, few people have the luxury of choosing jobs they only feel “fuck yes” about. I am very lucky here..I love my career, & have the confidence, professionalism, authority, intelligence & qualifications to accept NO Grey areas. I choose what to accept, or not.. I feel that sometimes, people go overboard on 'self help' or 'life skills' books & articles..It becomes a rescue remedy, a bible, a crutch, a cause,...And the rest of humanity can either agree with MY stolen views - or Fuck Off..!!! Remember the 80's phenomena..."Feel the fear, but do it anyway". Or "Men are from Mars...". Enough said...Carry on.. - Posted from rhpmobile

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MsJonesy

11 years ago

It's a very simple and clear cut approach which would save people so much time and (wasted) energy.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Things you wish you'd read before your first meet up. Thanks for the post.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Am I the only one not pretending to have read it?

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RHP User

11 years ago

Good read, thanks for posting it.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Great forum post .. actually am no stranger to that law . I've been using it for quite awhile without ever reading about it . Example .. more recent encounter . I've already weighed the situation up carefully and don't think it's worth pursuing . Think person in question feels the same .. they just don't seem too legit to me , on holding up their end of the bargain and more consumed by trying to win the affection of ex/current whatever fkbuddy .. and pursuing any vag or anyone they can so im not wasting my time when I can clearly spend quality time with so many others who want the same and who are actually genuine .

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MissBishere

11 years ago

So clear. I can see myself there. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Who does NOT see the ambiquity in 'The Laws..'.. Most new philosophies or theories or are built on challenging baseless knowledge laid before you... (And yes..I like 'The F Y laws..). It just has some major holes... Ms Quefenta....Can u help me out here please..?? At 98 she's my hero..!! 😆 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Not...(who does NOT see..). FBook better - you can edit, delete, block,... - Posted from rhpmobile

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MsJonesy

11 years ago

Quoting 'Story' Am I the only one not pretending to have read it? I did read it!

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RHP User

11 years ago

Interesting point of view OP, and I believe it has it's merits (specially for simple decisions, like would I sleep with you / her, (Fuck Yes, or no); however I have noted female forum members comments in previous forums that they do not necessarily want to be a one night stand or FB, and would want something more. Looking at their profile picture I could easily say "Fuck Yes" I want to sleep with you, but "Fucked if I know" if I want more than that as I do not know you / her, based on your theory I would not try. Knowing if you like someone well enough for a longer or serious relationship can take time sometimes, as not many people can say when they first meet "Fuck Yes", marry me I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Sometimes it has to be a "Fuck me it is a possibility, lets see what happens".

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RHP User

11 years ago

I suck at ambiguity too :) Though I get to Fuck No much more often than Fuck Yes. Must work on that. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

I'm a 'fuck yeah/fuck no' kinda guy. I get incredibly confused and found adrift trying to reason and calculate these things. I much prefer the savage innocent (or not so innocent) approach. If the heat is natural, and the right chemicals are bubbling, then, like a cork in the water, I will flow unashamedly down that majestic river of passion. And its many cums. But, like building a bridge, it starts from both ends. Whether it's yes or no, gimme fire for fire any day. I've proudly been called a brute before .

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RHP User

11 years ago

Is an oxymoron:-) xxQ

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RHP User

11 years ago

It's become far too trendy these days to be nonchalant, a competition on 'who cares less' - Screw that... If I'm not all in and they're not all in then let's not waste each others time....

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RHP User

11 years ago

thank you xxxxxxx

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RHP User

11 years ago

Sometimes there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity. If you super sexually want a naughty little hot sexy vixen should avoiding a few "fuck no" moments - a potential hit to ego - cause a potentially sexually charged erotic opportunity to be missed? Could a fuck no may be an awesome fuck yes in disguise?

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MsSuperFoxy

11 years ago

I say "FUCK YEAH" to your magnificent arss!! Foxy

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RHP User

11 years ago

Great post , i think life is one big grey area and the success of any relationship depends on communication .sometimes i'm definitely a fuck yeah and other times fuck nooo and other times its all too hard and i just don't give a fuck about rules or what is politically correct .

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RHP User

11 years ago

Great read, ty.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Love it :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

And I say fuck yeah to yours :)

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RHP User

11 years ago

Did you write this article Yourself? Or is it someone else's work. Not sure if you were referring to something you Read? The concept I can't agree on. Mainly because we build relationships. Sometimes the most ordinary beginnings, have the most extra ordinary results.plus I am often wrong about first impressions.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Not my original work. I didn't quote the author because the mods tend not to like names, but anyone can find the author by searching using some of the article content

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MissBishere

11 years ago

I read this again as I'm in a confused mindset at the moment and trying to decided what to do. I want to someone's "fuck yes". I don't want to be a "hmmm maybe" I find people that use am excessive amount of words when a few suffice and flowery talk just in the end confuse me and I always feel like they are hiding and not saying what they really feel. I like simple, I like blunt. So a fuck yes works for me on many levels.

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RHP User

11 years ago

A few sentences into her OP, B_L writes: "From the publicly available article ..." :-)

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6exxy

11 years ago

Great post

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madotara69

11 years ago

'If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.'

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RHP User

11 years ago

I think that's kind of the point of the article. If you don't want it strongly, move on. If you do want it strongly but the other person doesn't, move on. The moving on is what helps people avoid eternal, unhealthy fantasizing. - Posted from rhpmobile

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madotara69

11 years ago

I am a cheeky bugger. That was a snippet I copied/pasted from a fellow by the name of Mark Manson and out of his topic "The most important question of your life"

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Burning_Love' Not my original work. I didn't quote the author because the mods tend not to like names I thought names were fine (I always quote my source directly), it's just links they don't approve of?

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RHP User

11 years ago

I could be mistaken. I tried a post recently with the source quoted, no link, and it didn't get up. It's happened a couple of times so I assumed it was a rule but they sometimes forgot. Maybe it was just the content of the other post(s). - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

every single time ... I have a way with animals. Pretty much have always been a 'fuck yeah' or 'uh ah hell noooo' kinda girl with just about everything.

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The law of "Fuck Yes or No"

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