M44
The lack of patience in dating/relationships
January 28 2020
Comments
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RHP User
6 years ago
Probably the wrong site for your questions. This is a hookup sex site
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Kinkandfun... Then why does your own seeking list on this supposed sex hookup site include friendship, dating and relationships etc, and also looking for fun times "outside of the bedroom"? Sexual compatibility is a big part of long term relationship compatibility, and many singles even on an adult site would still be open to the right (long term) partner. Actually sites like these would be more likely to find the right partner for your sexual needs as well as your general chemistry needs long term. And as for the OPs topic, it isn't just dating sites that advertise instant matching or gratification or equivalent, it's with an age of consumerism where everything we want is supposedly at our fingertips, and unfortunately easily disposed of and replaced if we quickly tire of the current item. Of course toys and random plastic stuff doesn't have feelings, as people we feel valued when someone takes a true amount of time to get to know us at length and depth (no pun intended). That is probably more likely initially, when meeting someone purely in real life as you have to make at least a conversation or three, because you don't have all the fineprint information about them already to swipe one way or the other immediately.
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MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
The OP is allowed to post what ever questions he wants too. It is not up to you to decide. Let's get this straight, this site is not just a "sex hook up site". For some yes, for others no. It is not that difficult to met people with common interests and form long standing friendships. I know, as I have found that plus more! There are some rather special and beautiful people here, and in the real world. Some friendships I have formed here are long term, going back years. There's history, laughter and tears. So OP, relationships, marriage and babies are alive and kicking from this site. Unbelievable I know, but it's true. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
6 years ago
I know of at least 2 couples who met here and are now married. I use this site for fwb and dating. So its what you make of it. I agree with the op...a relationship needs some time to gel, but in this " swipe right or left" world it seems that people are in a hurry to meet the one and at the first sign of an upset will just go " Next".
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RHP User
6 years ago
Hahaha
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RHP User
6 years ago
i think we’ve just seen a classic example of the type of attitudes which fail in here ☝🏼
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RHP User
6 years ago
We have made ongoing friendships through this site!
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RHP User
6 years ago
Beware of the troll. Thank goodness I have met real genuine friends from RHP. I think its too easy for people to disregard others online. I think just being honest is also too much for some. Written abuse, cancelled dates, ghosting, bread crumbing, catfishing, submarining etc Just examples of poor online behaviours. Pure lack of common decency. There is no fix for this just have to be responsible for your own behaviour. Id like to date and get to know someone over a longer time frame. Before I consider if there was enough to make a go of a relationship. Think those times are gone and most just looking for casual sex. As alot time poor and dont want to take on any other commitments. So just alot of lonely and some bitter people online.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Thank you for the topic. This is a perfect site to ask the question as so many people here say they are looking for "connection." But "connection"" for you may not be a "connection" for me. The biggest consequence of online interactions is an expectation of immediacy and decreased patience among people. Those who grow up with immediate access to media, rapid answers to all questions or finding people for quick encounters may be less likely to take longer routes to find intimacy in all its forms, seeking ‘quick fixes’ rather than taking the time to get to know someone. But it's not only them. I know this as I noticed that it started happening to me, and I was very cautious not to go down that route ... suddenly everything was just boring. I could not be interested in anyone so I went to spend some time alone or with few people only and slow my pace. Read slowly. Eat slowly. Think slowly. Listen and talk slowly I said to myself. When I am with someone, they are the only person in the world. Short-term mindset is mostly negative not because it reflects changes in the physical nature of thinking but because the social incentives for deep engagement are eroding. I wanted to be able to sustain attention on one thing for a few hours—going to a classical concert or film again. Not to be "entertained". I wanted to care for people. Relationships are like living breathing being. They change. They evolve. (Ms)
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AnnieWhichway
6 years ago
If the magic is there, a relationship will consolidate be it online, offline pub, sidewalk or brothel. If either party don't pursue it, the magic wasn't really there. That's the problem with a lot of relationships, no magic and therefore the need to message it constantly. Some hit it with the defibrillator to keep it pulsing. Some have kids to give it meaning. That's our problem in society, we get brought up to feel we have to be in a relationship to achieve our goals in life. Those that steer away from relationships are questioned. I don't get the big thing with relationships and the bullshit that often goes with it. Maybe the reason for the OP is today's take on relationships, if it takes too much effort swipe next. Is that so wrong or is the defibrillator the way to go. After all, back in the "good old days" when we worked at the usual way of instigating relationships, we really hit the target with such great divorce rates......
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AnnieWhichway
6 years ago
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SSExplorer
6 years ago
Countrytouch is spot on and it’s not just the millennials at fault. Technology is definitely shaping us often more than we are designing it for our benefit. People are never alone without contact to friends so there becomes little need or time to reach out to new ones or worse we may have plentiful pseudo cyber friends that we forget what true friends can be. On the other hand we can reach out and meet people from all over the world. I met my soul mate on a social chat app. It seemed like with every sentence exchanged the magnetism between us amplified and our exchanges became nearly constant for months from waking till falling asleep. We discussed everything good and bad about our past, present and future before we had even laid eyes on each other. When we met it was electric, we had an hour long taxi ride from the airport, we hardly said a word, just holding hands and feeling the electricity run through each other, so even though I think overall tech is ruining things I can’t help but be thankful. Oh and from then on our life together still maintains that electricity but that doesn’t mean we haven’t worked very hard to try and be the best we can be for each other....oh and she’s a Millennial too 🤗. We are from different cultures and different generations but we just seem to fit effortlessly together, part of it though is a true commitment to each other and to completely release the notion that there could be something better just around the corner. That’s kinda why we are here, if there is a better experience either of us can have we want each other to have it, we want to share in it!
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RHP User
6 years ago
The internet has bred a generation (or two) of people who have an intense Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). With the ability to "interact" with so many people in a short period of time, there are some in the mindset that they can always find someone better. What those individuals do not realise is that their FOMO is actually causing them to miss out on forming deeper connections and lasting relationships. Luckily, this site has all sorts - those who want variety, those that want quality and those that just want to find their one and only and everything in between. All dating tools are what you make of them. Don't let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong. Do you.
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SSExplorer
6 years ago
Hah I like this FOMO, there’s a mnemonic for everything these days! I was watching a movie about Mandela the other day and remember the furore around apartheid when I was a kid. Have we improved or worsened? I’d dare to guess we are the same. Humanity is self absorbed, out for instant gratification where we can and we don’t mind turning a blind eye to atrocities so we can think we are living a just life!
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nevahadsomuchfun
6 years ago
I have the worst patience of any body I know.... but I don’t seam to need the technology fix young ppl crave today... any moment where they need to wait and out comes the phone for a fix... As far as relationships go... I need understanding and acceptance and if you enjoy this life style, this is probably one of the few and best places to find that. Thumbs up to RHP! Just wish they’d prune the dead wood and freshen the site up! 👍
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N4November
6 years ago
I think we all have our own formulas about what works. Myself, I steer clear of recently seperated and guys older than me. I did however meet a nice guy only a few years older but then he constantly sent me vids of other people fucking, cock shots, wank vids and crass memes. Seriously?!! I'm no prude but that was not sexy at all. I also have found they're not as open minded or accepting of people's sexual nuances. I think just be yourself and try to have some fun. I've been single for a long time by choice and only reconnected with old friends more recently. I am trying to make time to meet new people so time will tell if I'm doing it all wrong haha!
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
OP To answer your questions 1. I initially used dating sites but was never looking for long term. I met person I’m now seeing through study and it was long friendship (18 months) before anything sexual happened. So yes I think I am very patient when I want something 😉Before this I think it was really hard for me to find someone because honestly, I was giving off fuckgirl vibes so I attracted similar men . I wasn’t really ready for commitment but at the time I wasn’t self aware enough to realise that . 2. Online dating makes it easy to depersonalise people and treat them like a commodity. Also in my experience people lack emotional intelligence. I’ve dated lots of men who wanted longer term commitment with me but I found them emotionally immature and too focused on sex at the expense of creating a deeper connection . (This wasn’t on RHP) They also tended to think the sex was incredible and I just felt it was mediocre . It wasn’t enough for me to delve deeper. Men my age who I’ve dated tend to also be in general too conservative for me. I don’t know how to fix online dating except set strong boundaries. 3. To keep relationship alive my observations are recognise that you need to communicate even when things are hard and awkward. Be generous and loving. Give out what you want to receive. Keep physical intimacy and flirting ongoing. Let them be who they are and focus on what keeps you happy also. Don’t be totally immersed by the relationship hold onto your individuality. Say sorry when your in the wrong and if you are holding onto resentment look to yourself first. The relationship I’m in now has been a big vehicle for growth. I’ve really learned to challenge my beliefs. It’s really easy to lay blame on someone else when your annoyed or something doesn’t go your way. I think it’s always important to turn that lens onto yourself because often if you aren’t careful you are repeating old patterns. Sorry for the novel but your topic is very thought provoking.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Old saying, The standard we walk past is the standard we accept.
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livelifegohard
6 years ago
I agree with countytouch82 Very well said I was equally surprised by comments by SuperFoxxxy and kokoflamingo as it has always been one of my desire to find a sexual compatible partner. Nice to know there are ladies looking for the same thing
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