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RHP

RHP User

M63

The correct use of the toilet..

August 08 2012

These devices can be pretty complicated, but with a little practice a bloke should be able to become a Master of the Porcelain. There is no need for rubber gloves, plastic tongs or a hamster stimulator. Follow my easy to understand instructions and your host will likely give substantial reward.Raising and lowering the seat. It's a rule of courtesy that the seat should be down on a toilet. Especially if it's in a bathroom (as unhygienic as that is). When flushed all sorts of greeblies that should only be mentioned on children's Sunday morning cartoons float happily up out of the pan and on to the door knob and your tooth brush. They can also make the hamster quite ill and vets can cost a bomb. Piss mist is not so good. Luckily we have a thing on the end of your foot called a toe. Toe is actually the Latin word for seat aduster. Use your toe to raise and lower the seat. It works a treat and your hamster stroker will not get greeblyfied before you leave the smallest room in the house. Balance your self with a hand on the wall if your a little unsteady on one leg.The correct stance. The toilet pan is not your equal. You do not stand in front of it like is a good mate. It is a servant and as such should be dominated. Sand over the pan and look down you nose at it with a sense of superiority. Your heels should be at least level with the front lip of the pan. Point your hamster scarer strait down at it and feel it's terror as it cowers before you. A little flick down when your finished lets it know who's boss.Follow these simple tips for superior pissing..Brought to you by a bloke who still has to wipe stuff down when one of two of his mates have visited..

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    LRE....feel a little bit left out though.Any tips for ladies?x Hugs H

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Hamsters are very nervous creatures,the slightest scary sight and they will turn up their toes.My advice is too always approach a hamster fully zipped guys, because the sight of some of you unzipped can be just downright scaryx Hesione President of the Society for the protection of Hamsters and other small endangered furry creatures.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I have just had the best laugh. I'm tempted to print this out and stick it to my Son's door!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Cam try the new "swee" and follow LEE's instructions too...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I would just love for a guy to fall over after kicking up the toilet seat with his toe...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I was always taught to put down the seat, however now I have lived on my own for a long timw its gone a bit stale.   I was also taught to WASH my hands post deed and worhing in public health only re-enforces this. I have been mortified by the amount of men who don't practice this in public rest rooms.   Dog only knows what happens after this. Dinner?   Oh well I suppose there is a good reason why most of our bodyweight is made up of bacteria.   Shake hands anyone?   Mike

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Hey and what about the lower limb challenged ie: amputees   Talk about being as busy as a one armed wallpaper hanger....   Mike

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I've been known to adjust the odd seat with the toe of my steelcapped boot.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    and put it up at work... Apparently because I am the only female on site it is quite acceptable to leave the brown schmears all over the one and only staff loo... and pee just anywhere in the room where it lives... GROSS

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ... you're an utter nutter!!! ;-) Luv it ...KK xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Now, that is something that a lot of women complain about, us men not putting the seat down afterwards.As a man who always puts the seat down afterwards, because the lady of the house (if there is one, which unfortunately, there isn't) will most likely be next to use this domestic appliance, I often wondered why said lady/ladies, do not thus put the seat UP, after their usage. Come on girls, fairs fair, once you have used it, your man is next cab of the rank, do him a favour and put it up, please.*Disclaimer* Now removes tongue from cheek and seeks to find other orifii that might better off being used by said tongue. :-)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Why dont you sit???? and all this hard work would be forgotten. You could empty your bladder, fart at the end and say ahhhhhhh.and it is done. No problem what so ever to think about the seat or even pissing on walls or floor, and it doesnt stink, how good is that. MMMM ask German men they sit.   The little poem goes like this.   Um das Klo not zu verspritzen, duerfen hier auch Maenner sitzen.   Sorry cant translate it.   Litonya a mum of two sons....who sit.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I can so identify with this. Including husband, there are 4 men in the house... ew yuck!!! But we do have a larger property so I like to tell the boys to do a 'bush wee' whenever possible... Honestly it sometimes smells like the elephant house at the zoo due to misfiring...   Litonya's poem translates loosely as "So that you don't spray the loo, men can sit here too"   Oh and LRE, nice to see a man taking responsibility for the whole loo thing.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    If it's night and you can't see for shit (LOL) but you don't wish to turn the light on. Then sitting is a great option. It's also really restful, relaxing, calmic.. oh that's a toilet brand LOL@city_kity I have stumbled once or twice. It's my don't drink anymore mate, you're about to cease being fun and star being annoying signal..@justswiningbi, Miss_Poppins Hey there, feel free. My work is all Creative Commons, Share and Share Alike. I'm an open source kinda bloke.. :-)@miketheduc You can always tell a trades man, we wash our hands before we go to the toilet too. :-)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I mean't a mum of three sons, plus a husband, but then he really hasn't grown up yet so...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    When you get up in the dark, go to the loo and fall in cause he left the seat up!   How about this tip, put fruit loops in the loo and tell them to aim for that.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    nothing but the true... whwn you have little girls can be a bit yuck when a guest leave residous all over the pan.. mh maybe I should put sign like in my sis toilet IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE , BE NICE AND WIPE IT OFF !!!!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    The issue can be a bit of a domestic dispute sometimes.when I adress my boyfriend (ex ) now, because we are three ladies in the house two of them under 10 , he said not to be so fussy about it, tell that to a 5 year old who just went staright down...He decided to leave the lid on every time... just to be obnoxious... now no compromise .MY HOUSE MY RULES. no compromise....

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  • razor2000

    razor2000

    13 years ago

    Ive found that when most women say that you should leave the seat down what they really want is for the lid to be left up and the actual "seat" to be left down when really both should be returned to the closed position after use. Think of it as your front door, you got to open both the door and fly screen when you go out and sometimes you only want the door open for some fresh air but when you're finished you make sure both are closed. Don't want any "germs" just wandering into your house now do you.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    You're very welcome.."Responsibility" is my 3rd name :-) Quoting 'Saskia72' Oh and LRE, nice to see a man taking responsibility for the whole loo thing.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'heywood_djablome'Now, that is something that a lot of women complain about, us men not putting the seat down afterwards. As a man who always puts the seat down afterwards, because the lady of the house (if there is one, which unfortunately, there isn't) will most likely be next to use this domestic appliance, I often wondered why said lady/ladies, do not thus put the seat UP, after their usage. Come on girls, fairs fair, once you have used it, your man is next cab of the rank, do him a favour and put it up, please. *Disclaimer* Now removes tongue from cheek and seeks to find other orifii that might better off being used by said tongue. :-) Good point heywood and while I'll freely admit to being one of the few blokes who habitually puts the seat down afterwards (as a teenager I figured out it was a good idea to minimise female-deterring aspects in my bach pad), I have always thought it a bit one sided... but what really keeps the mind whirring in the wee hours has got to be the mystery as to why toilets have lids and no-one, females/males/others use it??

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    My mum used to put a ping pong ball in the toilet when my brother was a little tacker, works really well, makes toilet training for boys fun, doesn't flush, only problem being he would fish it out of the toilet sometimes and try play catch with other family members, funny, the game of catch would more resemble dodgeball. :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Im with whoever said men should sit...not very manly but very practical, and comfortable, solves all the aforementioned problems and no need to balance when using the toilet seat adjuster. Only problem is my son prefers the traditional method and the manly tradition of leaving the seat up. Interesting to see it from the other side when you sit on cold porcelain in the middle of the night.I saw an episode of myth busters where they debunked the piss mist/tooth brush thingy..in fact from memory there were more bum germs on the toothbrush they left in the kitchen as the control.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    (although the master bedroom has an ensuite, so it's only 5 of us sharing the other WC) and the only girl using the facility in question, it surprised me that it was one of The Boys that had the Epic Toilet Tantrum that led to the following decree: "Shouldst Thou Piss In It, Thou Shalt Also Lid It" :D

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Bloody aussie ingenuity.. LOLWhat a great idea.. Quoting 'Saskia72' My mum used to put a ping pong ball in the toilet when my brother was a little tacker, works really well, makes toilet training for boys fun, doesn't flush, only problem being he would fish it out of the toilet sometimes and try play catch with other family members, funny, the game of catch would more resemble dodgeball. :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Actually, now you mention it.That rings a bell. You wait until I tell my mother who is always going on about "fecal mist".. Quoting 'gaissie'I saw an episode of myth busters where they debunked the piss mist/tooth brush thingy..in fact from memory there were more bum germs on the toothbrush they left in the kitchen as the control.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I have four sons and a husband, who all leaned very early on to put lid and seat down after use. (Purely auesthetic) However, in a Public toilet, I prefer the lid up so I can seen if there are any nasrties before I sit down. LOL

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Raised in a house of Four males and Three females I learnt from an early age to compromise. When the cry of, "Who pissed all over the bloody seat!!" arose, I became blameless. How you ask?By closing the lid after use. .My way of thinking is that if I have to LIFT the seat and females complain of having to LOWER it... fuckit, I'll close the lid and EVERYONE has to lift something. Concillitator that I am (Who'd guess that I'm the middle child ).(Plus I agree with unfrogettable. It's aesthetically more pleasing) .Egalitarian cheers.Rusty.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    sit facing the buttons/water tank like a woman doing reverse cowgirl... joking.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Well if you sand over your seat it would be very smooth on the cheeks! Had a great belly laugh :)

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