F110
The confidence of men
October 17 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Comes from me and being aware of my strengths and weaknesses not on other's, considered and otherwise, opinion or perception of me. I wouldn't know how many cold calling messages I've sent but I'd guess around 3 to 5 percent have responded and I've met probably 20 percent of them. O don't see the point in letting someone I have not, and will probably never will, met effect me. If guys are letting these 'rejections' effect them, they need to have a think about themselves.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi Q It is hard to say, being a bloke sort of means you have to develop a thick skin to rejection. As a young fella, I had a mate whose philosophy was hit on as many as you could and eventually you will strike it lucky. For me I just couldn’t do it, each rejection had me doubting myself that little bit more. The joy of getting older and hopefully wiser is that you become more comfortable with who and what you are and develop your own sense of style. You start to understand rejection is not always about what you are or are not offering but sometimes the other persons view, mood and filters from their own experiences. So the result is I don’t get too worried anymore. An interesting parallel to this (slightly off topic) is, I spoke to a guy that was head of one of those multi-level marketing companies like TupperW... He said they would deliberately target Christian people and communities in their marketing because they we more used to handling rejection and it not discouraging them to keep trying to sell the product. So maybe we just get better at it over time. Cheers Rob
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'd hope that guys realize it's the way it is (ratio wise) and not take it to heart. But then there is always someone somewhere that does. personally we think it's a little harder here to entice people rather than in real life situations but at least here we all know what we are after as opposed to hitting on someone in public. Sometimes the reactions are gold in real life....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Has a point. You have to disassociate life on site to life in REAL life. My approaches, however well crafted and tailored rarely get replies, but you know what - that's ok, because it's part of the environment here. If you turn into a misery guts because of on site rejection, perhaps you have some other issues you might like to sort out first. I know a bloke that spent four YEARS on site before he got to physically meet someone - you just have to suck it up and get on with it. You could be George Clooney and still not cop a break on this and other sites because of the market forces involved. BTW I'm not the best looking guy in the world either..... I reckon I'm about fourth. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'AussieBiAsian' I'd hope that guys realize it's the way it is (ratio wise) and not take it to heart. But then there is always someone somewhere that does. personally we think it's a little harder here to entice people rather than in real life situations but at least here we all know what we are after as opposed to hitting on someone in public. Sometimes the reactions are gold in real life.... I often ask guys, how come if I am so sexy why don't I get hit on while out in public, I just assumed it would work that way. But guys fear getting a smack in the chops for that, firstly they do not know if your available, if your sexually out there, or what ever. I get that now as I think I present as that ordinary frumpy type housewife, but in here I get my gear of for the boys to see my tits. So I am two people, but I did get hit on a few weeks ago, but that was because he recognised me from my profile. That gave him the confidence to approach me, as he had the information he needed. He had messaged me quiet a bit but I had said no a few times to him. His approach was to lean into me and whisper, nice profile on RHP. He did it discreetly thank heavens. He then ask me why I had knocked him back a few times, and really he was much better looking than his pictures and also a good talker off line. I think men do feel flattened at times by the rejection on here, after all they think all that pussy and how come I aint getting any of that? Its not just about knocking back a date, its almost a challenge that they are not good enough to shag so it must hit deep at times. In a bar you can lick your wounds and go back to your beer. On here you die a death of a thousand rejections so it must sting. If the roles were reversed and I approached men and said can I have some sex please? And was rejected over and over I would go join a convent. Sister inthekiss, adjusting her nasty habbits
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RHP User
11 years ago
Miss Kiss..Mother Superior Sainted Qefenta...waiting for my very own Papal Bull:-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta3' Miss Kiss..Mother Superior Sainted Qefenta...waiting for my very own Papal Bull:-) they caught me doing push ups in the cucumber patch. Plus I heard the bishop ask , Where are all the candles? Yesterday while I was walking to church a fellow nun said, who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? I said what do you mean? I am not cranky am I? she said no but you still have the Bishops slippers on
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RHP User
11 years ago
…and I can understand how the difficulty in gaining a response on here could affect a mans self esteem.In an environment such as this, where the "Power Balance" is most certainly biased in favour of the ladies, a man isthrown into the struggle from the get go…how he deals with it defines him.For myself...once I'd appreciated that this was going to be much harder than I first thought, I maintained my balance..my peace of mind..by backing off and not putting too many eggs in this basket. Trying too hard and getting the likely results is only going to end in disappointment. I'm still as confident as I ever was, in this online world and the real one, perhaps because I'm not setting myself up to be knocked back down a peg…after all, as a male I'm already in the underdog party here so common sense says to put my bestefforts into meeting someone where the odds are more balanced. ie. not here. ; )
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beebs
11 years ago
But when you do make contact it can be fantastic!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I believe most women are here for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the attention then reject guys as a online sport... Not all. But enough to make it real. These days I wait to be contacted.. Saves all the BS and then I can be the one who chooses.. lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
..... Everyone is different have different expectations different motivations & yes different objectives...guys who have been naughty little buggers all of their life will be less concerned about flippant or even steadfast rejection. Some guys send fewer messages, instead study potential profiles and ignore lots. They themselves reject regularly. Every now and then particularly with the members they really like the notion of - reject them - - disappointing but could never damage personally. Stay calm & soldier on gents! Q do not believe you are anything more than 48yo and i bet the pics you send me shall prove it :-) SAxx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Apart from some early culture shock when I started frequenting various sites my confidence has not the flogging you might think Madame Q.I regularly message women here not, necessarily, to chat them up or to try to arrange a meeting but just to "talk" to them about various things. I think they know that and many reply and maybe a few messages will follow on before the conversation is finished. As it happens I later realised one of the women was someone I had already chatted to...before she changed her name. My reply rate is running around 80% according to my stats but that is artificially high as RHP frequently sends me a 6 new hotties message... but still I do get a fair few replies.Meeting a woman and doing very well in RL was a bit of a confidence boost, it helped me realise that I've still got it...what ever it is? All went well with is woman until she kissed me and some of the people who witnessed it commented on me being a badly behaved married man, it was then that this woman decided she didn't like me any more...Guys if you really want a confidence boost just join one of the more dodgy sites out there and you will be bombarded with messages from all these beautiful horny women who are desperate for someone just like you...no no not just like you but you...yourself!
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RHP User
11 years ago
so many more men than women on these sites? - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
You know, this site and all the others I imagine also, have a way of fucking with your head, for both men and women. Happens to me regularly, that's when I disappear for a little while, take a break, reassess my thoughts, my wants and needs....But you are the only one that has the ability to help or change the way others perceive you, whether it be the way you speak to someone, how you've written your profile, the messages you send or the photos you display. You're the one that looks at yourself in the mirror, you're the one that knows your strengths and weakness, use these things to your advantage, don't let them define you. Most of us have self doubt, our own little demons, but you just need to suck it up and keep going, see your self worth, keep it positive, love yourself, these things can change your confidence in a heart beat......💋
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RHP User
11 years ago
lucky ol'Bish:-) ...the Rector invited me to look at his aspidistra,he said it was the biggest aspidistra in the world..I hope he went to confession..what a fibber:-) xx Sister Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
it is absolutely how you approach different situations ...rejection is so difficult to process and unless you are some what switched off emotionally,I don't believe that the more it happens the easier it gets...but it is about the importance you place on that persons opinion...on a scale of 1-10 how important is the opinion of someone that you have never met,or even if you have,very briefly?....for me..not much xxQ
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RHP User
11 years ago
…when it's coming from a stranger. It's a part of life. After all, I've rejected a few times in my life too so it's only fair and natural. What's not so great is being rejected by someone I've become emotionally attached to..that always hurts to a lesser or greater degree. But fortunately such attachments take time to grow, if at all.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' You know, this site and all the others I imagine also, have a way of fucking with your head, for both men and women. Happens to me regularly, that's when I disappear for a little while, take a break, reassess my thoughts, my wants and needs....But you are the only one that has the ability to help or change the way others perceive you, whether it be the way you speak to someone, how you've written your profile, the messages you send or the photos you display. You're the one that looks at yourself in the mirror, you're the one that knows your strengths and weakness, use these things to your advantage, don't let them define you. Most of us have self doubt, our own little demons, but you just need to suck it up and keep going, see your self worth, keep it positive, love yourself, these things can change your confidence in a heart beat......💋 Hey there MsL...I agree with most of your post and like honest tone......So agree its the individual that should take ownership. Lifes a balance - I know its cliché but really some people will always have negative opinions about you regardless of what you do, do not, change or do not change....perception really is in the eye of the beholder, their emotional intelligence, their motivations etc - I see this day n day out in real life.....
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Not much at all, really they don't know me, so really why would care, it's just an opinion and we all have them....💋
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IamMrSilly
11 years ago
If you walked up to a stranger in the street and approached them for a date you would expect rejection. The same here, and it should not be a knock to your confidence if you are rejected. I say well done for approaching people in the first place. Personally, after being rejected in a 10+ year relationship it is nothing to be rejected by a stranger. But sure if you had asked me this question 15 years ago I would have answered differently. Depends on your confidence already.
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Plain280
11 years ago
The weary bedraggled sinner walked up to the pearly gates of heaven and was challenged by the gate keeper in a deep loud voice "and why should we let you into heaven sinner"to which the weary bedraggled sinner replied " I have been on RHP for nigh on thirty years and have been knocked back more times than I can count"the gate keeper ummed and aahed and said "I identify with your plight as the angels and nuns have done the same to me"."Come in oh weary bedraggled sinner and enjoy the fruits of heaven as you have suffered enough in life being a slave to the RHP women". All written tongue in cheek and no offence meant honest.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you stick your neck out someone will come along and see it as a opportunity to cut it off.. I leave my efforts for the real world with real people... A picture is worth a thousand words and the chemistry visable..
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6exxy
11 years ago
Yes seems that a lot of men struggle with this and I suspect those men didn't have it before. Fun lover is right and that is why I don't have a membership. I know it's not the same topic but fur me they are related to the same issue. I'm confident enough not to have a membership. If you have never met them then why let it affect you? That does take inner balance and strength.
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6exxy
11 years ago
Ha ha ha rotflmao that was some funny shit!
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