F65
The art of being true to oneself.
August 16 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have no difficulty staying true to myself at all. I have made a point through out my life of doing what I want and not what someone else wants of me. Even in the work place I have agreed and then set about doing exactly as I like. I know when something is right and when something is wrong and I can go to bed each night knowing I have done the right thing. I tend to have times when I reflect on what I have done...line New Years Eve. For me, this is not a time for partying but for being by myself and reflecting on the past year, looking at what I may have done differently. I have goals and aspirations and a clear path of how I need to get there. Sometimes I need the solitude and peace of the country to re-adjust my plans. Sometimes I need the input of my good friends and select family members. I have never been swayed by popular opinion and peer pressure anyway. If it is wrong, no amount of people telling me to do something will make it right. It helps that I really do not give a shit what others think of me. I like who and what I am and to me...that is the most important thing.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hey FionaYes, you strike me as being a strong minded individual. With regard to right and wrong, clear moral aspects - I have no such problem but some areas are shades of gray - it's then when I can be swayed and sometimes find myself reflecting with a sense of regret for saying or following a particular path. The more subtle situations of life that you can sometimes find yourself confronted with are the ones I find tricky.
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's a hard one CrackUp, it can be as subtle as moderating your verbalising of your thoughts on sensitive subjects around friends or at work......though I tend to look back at these ones as just being mature enough to know that you don't always have to lay your opinion down on others, even though we may be convinced we are right. But when (throughout the years) I have suddenly found myself in a place where I realise the friends or situation I have surrounded myself with have become hard work (as in, having to constantly moderate or tone myself down for) then I know it's time to change a few things. For the most part I haven't ever let these things go on for too long, but in one big instance I did let something go on far too long, and it really did take it's toll on me. I did have to fight hard to find that part of myself I felt I hadn't lost, but had enabled someone else to take a big chunk of it away. I'm still getting back to her today, I've over compensated a bit , but I'm feeling very self indulgent right now, and completely justified I have every confidence that she'll even out soon enough and find a happy medium but until then, god she's haing some fun.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Then it kinda just happens As I age I am unashamed by my desires and direction . I am more secure, determined, outspoken and driven When I was younger I cared about what others thought , i changed my opinions and attitude according to what was expected from me . I think women suffer this more than men .
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RHP User
14 years ago
D_G_T I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes things happen so subtlely that you don't notice you have changed or wandered so far from your own sense of how it should be, when you are with 'friends' or a group of people. It's that instinct I guess .. of herding..like the riots of London. People act in ways they may not normally do so..because of it...I mean, that is an extreme example but life is like that sometimes yes - we do get swept away by the behaviours of others. I"m glad you are finding 'her' again and letting her reassert herself against all those outside influences xxx.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Despite what Fiona says (and I really don't want to start an argument Fiona), I believe we are all swayed to some extent whether it be to conform to societal norms, moral beliefs inparted by parents during our childhood or the legal framework which bounds what is allowed and what is not. Our understanding of how our actions affect others and our ability to understand the ramifications of our actions dictates how we behave (a lack of which is, I understand, is something that is used in the diagnosis of psychopaths). If I did not care what society, the law, my morals and what other people thought, I would not just admire a woman with a beautiful pair of breasts walking past but would reach out and touch. My brother was in a serious accident many years ago and one of the impairments he suffered with was an inability to contain his thoughts, he vocalised them. So every time a nurse walked past he'd say out loud, I'd love to screw her or she's got great tits or something far more explicit. So what stops all of us vocalising our thoughts, because we all have them, we will all see people that we comment on internally but don't ever say it. This may be extreme, but I would suggest that not many of us really know what is true for us. We like to conform, society and the media pressure us into conforming. We here should know that as well as any. How many of us tell our colleagues that we're on this site? How many profiles on here don't clearly show the member? And what are we hiding from, the only people that can see us are other members who are the last group of people that can judge us. Are we ashamed of what we're doing, afraid of being judged? And if we are, are we doing what we intrinsically feel is right? In answer to the OPs last question, I'm not sure we can truely know our sense of self and exclude all external factors. You can though, be true to yourself accepting and within the society we live. That can be the painful and lonely path though which may require a thick skin and a preparedness for rejection and isolation.
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RHP User
14 years ago
All of the above!I have a good heart, always have and have always known it. I agree though that as I get older it becomes easier and easier to remain true to myself. It takes time to actually work out what the true you is (well for me anyway). Although I really do give a shit what people think of me, I've earned a reputation in my career and I don't take kindly to it being undermined by a jealous few. Personally, I think I often come across has harder than I am and I regret this although I find the people that really count always seem to figure me out and therefore I'm so blessed by the best of friends, only a few but quality is always better than quantity.Like my friend Fifi I will fight to the death if I think I am right but I actually love being proven wrong every now and then as I find this is the only way to grow and learn.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'puppy' Like my friend Fifi I will fight to the death if I think I am right but I actually love being proven wrong every now and then as I find this is the only way to grow and learn. Ha ha yes Puppy. I thought I was wrong once...back in 1973 it was...but I was mistaken. Only Joking. It is good to be proven wrong every now and then, it means that we are still human, still infallible. After all, none amonsgt us is perfect. l Well I would be perfect...if not for my overwheilming modesty.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I do what I want when I want and I no longer kowtow to other people if they dont like what I do then they can get stuffed. I like being more mature and making my own decisions and they are my decisions not anyone elses. Some people get offended by what I say or do that is their problem not mine. I dont mean to offend however if you take offence it wasnt intentional. Get a life and get over it, life is far to short to carry grudges and all those other destructive emotions. Love people, like people embrass them, kiss them, cuddle them make them feel special. If its terrific make love to them nothing in life is sweeter. I do not hate anybody however there are quite a few people that I'm not particularly fond off and they know who they are.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Haha do you remember what it was you got wrong? Did you think that the hairless look was just about to happen and ended up in the child's playpen at woodstock?It's hard to be modest when nude in a crowd with no pubic hair!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I agree Crackup, I believe most get so hung up in the humdrum of everyday life, our realtionships and the like, that it is easy to lose yourself. I look back and see several times in my life where I have had to make changes to myself and my situation to re-assert the real me... These are the exciting and productive times. I think as we get older and wiser. I am with DGT on this too.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'D_G_T' It's a hard one CrackUp, it can be as subtle as moderating your verbalising of your thoughts on sensitive subjects around friends or at work......though I tend to look back at these ones as just being mature enough to know that you don't always have to lay your opinion down on others, even though we may be convinced we are right. But when (throughout the years) I have suddenly found myself in a place where I realise the friends or situation I have surrounded myself with have become hard work (as in, having to constantly moderate or tone myself down for) then I know it's time to change a few things. For the most part I haven't ever let these things go on for too long, but in one big instance I did let something go on far too long, and it really did take it's toll on me. I did have to fight hard to find that part of myself I felt I hadn't lost, but had enabled someone else to take a big chunk of it away. I'm still getting back to her today, I've over compensated a bit , but I'm feeling very self indulgent right now, and completely justified I have every confidence that she'll even out soon enough and find a happy medium but until then, god she's haing some fun. I totally agree and empathise with DGT.For many (but not all) maturity brings wisdom, the knowing of who we are and what we aren't willing to put up with.I sacrificed my self for a while for what I thought was the greater good only to find out I was fooling myself.Some pain and harsh lessons later (many self inflicted) I started living for myself and what made me happy.As DGT says, I may now be overcompensating but I believe it's leveling out to a nice balance of who I am and what I am willing to forsake.Having just turned 30 (still a babe some of you may cry) I reflect on where I've been and look forward to where I want to be. I have a bit to go before I'll feel fully satisfied within myself but I no longer hold myself to my past mistakes.Some avid readers of the forums may know of my love for modern country, the song "My next 30 years" by Tim McGraw resonates exactly how I feel at the moment..Cheers.Rusty
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RHP User
14 years ago
I agree Crackup, I believe most get so hung up in the humdrum of everyday life, our realtionships and the like, that it is easy to lose yourself. I look back and see several times in my life where I have had to make changes to myself and my situation to re-assert the real me... These are the exciting and productive times. I think as we get older and wiser. I am with DGT on this too.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Do I want every one to be my friend,? do I want to be friends with everyone ? to be true to yourself , are you considered arrogant, insensitive, unsociable, an anal retentive, a nice person, genuine, heart on the sleeve, smart, confident,shy,. As I ve gone through my 47 years I ve been interpreted as all the above for a reason, We are all different, and we all have opinions, I have mine, I respect yours, If that makes me an arrogant arsehole to you I wont lose sleep, ha ha..........Be yourself, dont set out to injure, insult, inflame, misuse, malign, marginalise, prey, predjuice or pontificate, and someone will love you for who you are
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'puppy'Haha do you remember what it was you got wrong? Did you think that the hairless look was just about to happen and ended up in the child's playpen at woodstock? It's hard to be modest when nude in a crowd with no pubic hair!!! I thought my arse was hanging out of bed, so I got out to put it back in. Woodstock was the sixties.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Nor was it meant to be a popularity contest! We conform to societal norms for the peace of mind we get by merely fitting in. There is nothing wrong with being diplomatic or tactful because it keeps us in the comfort zone but being assertive enough to follow a different path or to say no with a smile won't start world war 3. When situations arise that require a judgement call you need to ask yourself if the decision is worth getting out of your comfort zone for. Do you dress to impress yourself or others? Do you order cocktails with the girls when you feel like a beer? Do the opinions of others sway you in your decision making? Why do you allow their opinions to control your life? Peer pressure is for 16 year olds not 36 year olds.Remember a couple of points and you may find being true to yourself is easier than you think.1. You are all that matters when it comes to what you want, wear, eat, drink, own and how you behave.2. Saying no won't make people hate you.3. If you don't ask, you don't get. If you want something ask nicely. The worst that can happen is that they say no.4. If in doubt, leave it out. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't.5 Your opinions are the only ones that matter. Peoples opinions change and after all they are just opinions.But the best one I discovered at 42.6. Life is too short to live by someone else's rules. Make your own.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Boris Pasternak:|"The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune." |E. E. Cummngs:|"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."|Anon:|"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."|Chasing Midnight:|"Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck."|In the end, it's always best just to be true to yourself, make a few friends and have a few laughs along the way. I'm not terribly influenced by the opinion of others and more so if they are about me. Most of the time...|...everybody else is wrong anyway.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Who we REALLY are? We are brought up with parents who put their spiritual beliefs on us .. until we are old enough to realise it was all a crock and that God isn't that EVIL (Roman Catholics)! We are brought up by parents that tell us what is wrong and what is right...but the next door kid might be brought up with different definitions of right and wrong! I myself was brought up very violently, mentally/sexually and physically...and to this day I have no idea who I am! Being brought up in that manner when I was younger I used to "pretend" that I was an actress in a movie...that way the abuse was not happening to "me"! But after years of doing this...I don't know who the REAL me is! If you were brought up in this manner usually there is a lot of anger and phobias/anxiety attacks that will follow you in life! If you were brought up with love and care and a feeling of being wanted...then your life is usually going to be the complete opposite! < Would I tell someone that there was something I didn't like about them? No...because I would not want to hurt them (friend or stranger or family) in that manner! Would I keep argueing with someone if I thought they were wrong? No, as I am quick to pick up that no matter what I say....they just are too stubborn to take the blinkers off and see any other view point! I would rather the peace be kept as my upbringing showed me that fighting and chaos is just going to stress me out too much! And the day that I don't give a shit what other people think of me is the day I would want to just lay down and die! I don't agree with what anyone who thinks and says they don't care...we all care if others like us...always have and always will...that makes us Human! When someone from these Sites (for instance) is angry that you knocked them back I believe they only do it as they don't like the rejection which is ... not being liked! < I do believe that if you do learn to love yourself (so much harder for some than others) then you will be true to yourself...but does not mean that you will then say horrible things to people that you don't like...as when you love yourself you only see the beauty in everyone and everything around you! And that is what you will attract to yourself in life! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' ... I myself was brought up very violently, mentally/sexually and physically...and to this day I have no idea who I am! Being brought up in that manner when I was younger I used to "pretend" that I was an actress in a movie...that way the abuse was not happening to "me"! But after years of doing this...I don't know who the REAL me is! If you were brought up in this manner usually there is a lot of anger and phobias/anxiety attacks that will follow you in life! If you were brought up with love and care and a feeling of being wanted...then your life is usually going to be the complete opposite! <FunLoving.. I can so relate to all that you say, but this in particular echoes my own upbringing. When you are the object of abuse, the 'real' you goes into hiding - the only way you have of surviving horrors that a young child should not have visited upon them. I feel the same way 'the real me' is someone I think got lost along the way - well, maybe not entirely lost, but she learnt to be seen and heard is not always ideal and sometimes to be secret and obscure is a safer, more comfortable place to be. Bravo to those who are in the sunlight and feel vindicated enough to say.. this is me .. I bow to no one.. love me as I am, but spare a thought for those who due to circumstances outside of their control..find it easier to merge and blend in..even if that means sometimes not being true to oneself. To camouflage is as effective in humans as it is in the animal kingdom and some creatures have not any other protection than to sometimes pretend sometimes to be something they are not.
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RHP User
14 years ago
This is who I am!
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