M45
The Right Thing
March 26 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Good on ya, and I hope you apply that sense of right and wrong through all aspects of your life. I think, that in reality there are many shades of grey, and personally I wouldn't be prepared to judge anybody.I may well have done the same as you.....who knows, never been there as far as i know!Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
14 years ago
This is exactly why I highly recommend getting the sex out of the way long before the polite conversations and how do you do's. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Is there no limit to your "naughtiness"?!
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RHP User
14 years ago
to say, you did good op :-) xox
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RHP User
14 years ago
At least you could have rung a friend for her. Life is complicated, and everyone has their reasons, this has been in a ton of treads That you left is good, as you stood up for your principals Just do not beat others over the head with them. Your life, your choices your history all add up to who you are and your moral compass hers is different. Apart from that I think any guy that bonks a married women in her home, is a person that wants a bum full of buckshot. I would leave as did you. Not because she is married but because she never told you up front,
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am with you holdenf I would have left too. I don't like liars.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'keepingkarma' lolz Stalky, Is there no limit to your "naughtiness"?! If only you knew KK. If only you knew! LMFAO
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RHP User
14 years ago
Good for you !!! I would have left too. My own personal experience is that if they lie about their status they will lie about anything !!! There is no line for them ... Cheating and lying go hand in hand Yes people cheat and yes people do have reasons for doing so however until u r cheated on by the person u love more than anything in the world, well u have no idea how gut wrenching it is to the person who loves and believes in u. And I'm bloody tired of the excuses.... Not enough sex at home, my partner doesn't understand me bla bla bla.. Some people cheat just because they can, to have their ego stroked, because it's a thrill, because they r addicted. Some people just cannot simply say No because they care more about their needs than the people who love them needs. If u feel the need to cheat grow up grow some balls and end it. Do u really think u r gonna get away with it with no consequences ...???? that is so naive Well done OP Slk will now get off soap box and slink off to sidelines .... Sorry for ranting but had a particularly bad day with the cheating ex...,,. Gggrrrr .... Do these people ever "get theirs " ?
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RHP User
14 years ago
I can only imagine! As soon as I posted that question to Stalks I thought "hell no I need a retract button! Don't think my innocent ears could take the answer! KK xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
"Do these people ever "get theirs""....Sometimes they do, a mate of mine committed suicide.Felonius
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RHP User
14 years ago
about time a male here showed some worthwhile principles!!! absolutely with you...and yes, I've walked.....happily and gladly.... WELL DONE! liars and cheats arent worth the wasted time, and neither are those who facilitate their deception. its a shame that more 'men' dont behave this way.... and stand up for what they believe in....sensational!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'kinkisthenewpink' Right or wrong is up to the individual. I was in a similar situation myself recently and made the same choice. He was a lovely guy, everything I would normally look for and making me an amazing offer of all kinds of perks and spoiling as his mistress, I needed to look myself in the mirror every morning and see someone I like. Good for you xxand another! omg....i'm dizzy lol...well said..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'SLK27'Good for you !!! I would have left too. My own personal experience is that if they lie about their status they will lie about anything !!! There is no line for them ... Cheating and lying go hand in hand Yes people cheat and yes people do have reasons for doing so however until u r cheated on by the person u love more than anything in the world, well u have no idea how gut wrenching it is to the person who loves and believes in u. And I'm bloody tired of the excuses.... Not enough sex at home, my partner doesn't understand me bla bla bla.. Some people cheat just because they can, to have their ego stroked, because it's a thrill, because they r addicted. Some people just cannot simply say No because they care more about their needs than the people who love them needs. If u feel the need to cheat grow up grow some balls and end it. Do u really think u r gonna get away with it with no consequences ...???? that is so naive Well done OP Slk will now get off soap box and slink off to sidelines .... Sorry for ranting but had a particularly bad day with the cheating ex...,,. Gggrrrr .... Do these people ever "get theirs " ? yea they do...eventually....its called 'loneliness' and guilt
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RHP User
14 years ago
I am truly sorry to hear this about your mate ...much could be said on that mode of death but this not the forum for it..........and I personally don't wish ill on anyone despite my flippant comment of my previous post but I think mikeandshel as per usual nailed it. That in time these lowlife cheaters who destroy other peoples lives, and I really mean destroy may feel guilt .....perhaps .... Remorse definitely not, but loneliness, I can only hope.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well done Holdenf, I'd be out quick smart as well. The way I see it if you don't want her/him cheating on you or your otherhalf cheating on you, definitely don't do it to someone else.What goes around comes around.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Friends.. I could tell some stories.. from people I have met on here.. and from the outside world.. I have worked in the mining and construction industry since 1980, and lived in camps most of that time.. Man-o-man.. have I seen some people come unstuck and unhinged in HUGE ways.. Sometimes as an observer, sometimes as the perpertrator or participant.... and.. there are none of the stories I have to tell that are anything except UGLY.. I reckon you did the right thing Holden... BUT.. that doesn't mean I would have had the same strength... MAYBE I would have.. but I cannot state so--- categorically... It is also good to see you fellas backing him.. AND I do hope you have the fortitude to stand up for your beliefs when you are faced with the prospect of a damned fine looking hottie offering her sex.. IT AINT easy.. :) caveman.. (a rare moment of serious) PSSSST: Holden... slip me the girls username please...... (jokes people... I am not used to being serious)
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RHP User
14 years ago
You absolutely did the right thing holdenf,that was a mean trick she played and in that situation I would hope most people would do the same. as you, However there are many reasons why people choose to have sex outside of marriage,sometimes its not even just about sex its about a lack of intimacy or closeness and sometimes marriages survive because one person seeks to have some of their needs met elsewhere ,it is not always black and white,.and yes there are often consequences ,and unfotunately its not just one or two people who suffer, when there are children involved they often suffer too. There is an excellent book< mentioned recently in another post,>called 'Sex at Dawn' by Ryan et al.,subtitled the origins of modern sexuality for anyone who is interested in a possible explanation as to why monogamy just doesnt work for most of us. '
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RHP User
14 years ago
Ive been told by my therapist I should never become a FIFO in the mining industry. Hehe. All those horny men while I'm away and lonely women when I'm at home... I'd never get any work done. Btw... Got a small project in Orange I need to visit regularly. We should catch up for a beer and a laugh if my trips coincide with your cycle. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
You mean FILO Stalky :D
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RHP User
14 years ago
What's that? Fly In Limp Out?
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RHP User
14 years ago
First in last out as opposed to LIFO - last in first out. ;-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Stalky sounds like a perfect candidate for the job!
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RHP User
14 years ago
...what FIFO was either but a vision of John Wayne popped into my head (the saddle sore stroll)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Poor Stalky.. one day he will be serious.. and you girls will slaughter him... Hey Stalky.. I do 6weeks at a time over there.. well.. anywhere between 5 and 8.. and have a week off.. generally in Perth.. so, sure.. love to catch up.. I do like to catch up with people from on here.. I just dont get a huge opportunity to do so. cheers: caveman..
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RHP User
14 years ago
lol Cavey....i was in mining camps for many years and have seen some of the most huge unwindings as well. Now i wonder if you were at Nifty in 92. You would of seen mine.....It was a 10. Quoting 'cavey50' I have worked in the mining and construction industry since 1980, and lived in camps most of that time.. Man-o-man.. have I seen some people come unstuck and unhinged in HUGE ways.. Sometimes as an observer, sometimes as the perpertrator or participant.... and.. there are none of the stories I have to tell that are anything except UGLY..
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RHP User
14 years ago
RICO... ride in crawl out Meeks. lol. Bring your strap on to Orange... you know.. .for the exercise. :p I can imagine Meeka riding down the Great Western Highway in her black leathers with a big 10 inch purple dong flailing in the wind, slapping the tank every now and again when she backs off the throttle and self sucking as she accellerates into the straights. hehe.. Cavey, When the wall frames are erected "I'll be back"... middle next month probably.HugsStalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Cavey, don't worry about Stalky he will be last man left standing!! Or kneeling. Hehe xx Meeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
Doing the right thing gets you no where. Indeed in my case doing the right thing wrecked my life. The courts decreed that because I did the right thing then I was penalised heavily. Anybody want to refute this then I have the court documents to prove it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Here we go again. Felonius your friends tragedy is common place Some people just live in black and white and expect us all to wear the same clothes. The sad but truth of it is that people make mistakes or they have their own reasons for doing what they do, but others are all to ready to put them in a box then set that box on fire. The post is about the guy and his choice The other post is like a broken record I suggest the zealots keep adding to that one, and enjoy their regurgitated sermons re the liars post. And for the record, I am a liar , a cheat, a harlot , a sinner , so please hand me my patch so I can sew it on my sleeve. Ohh wait, I am human , fancy that. I make mistakes and bad choices. You did as I said, what was best for you. Cave man said its not always that easy, like the song goes Loneness is a good aphrodisiac. Like a few of my friends, women lonely unable to leave, and yep all you guys with houses and money can say as you please. Try being illiterate, with kids,never had a job, and a hubby who thinks your name is door mat. To the pious, how much is sole parent benefit? Or the Dole. Life is not a cup cake of simplicity.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Somebody should spank this naughty girl proper! It's like she is being extra naughty on purpose. hehe.HugsStalky Quoting 'tuscanred' And for the record, I am a liar , a cheat, a harlot , a sinner , so please hand me my patch so I can sew it on my sleeve. ............... Like a few of my friends, women lonely unable to leave, and yep all you guys with houses and money can say as you please. Try being illiterate, with kids,never had a job, and a hubby who thinks your name is door mat. To the pious, how much is sole parent benefit? Or the Dole. Life is not a cup cake of simplicity.
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RHP User
14 years ago
the right thing to do? morally, and for your own beliefs,, of course it was! ...... backing up what you believe with actions is always rewarding.... i bet you left her house with a good sense of pride, worth and integrity... I've seen the damage first hand....... bloody lying cheats i hope she slips up..... karma can be a wonderful thing
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RHP User
14 years ago
You did the right thing for you and your beliefs... Maybe she did the wrong thing by not telling you she was married when you first starting chatting...did you ask her? You may not respect her for wanting to cheat on her hubby, but at the very least she did tell you of her marital status before you slept together, giving you the choice to make an informed decision...
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RHP User
14 years ago
and lets not forget shes a bit of a dickhead for wasting your fucking time too aint she?? I mean what the fuck??
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RHP User
14 years ago
Here we go again.For the record I would have done the same thing - but because she was deceiving me and putting me in an awkward situation not because I question her character. Too many deranged spouse stories in the news for me to be anywhere near that one.I know nothing of her situation however, and who am I to judge anyway. A more religious man would say let thou without sin cast the first stone. While I've never been a cheater I'm certainly not without sin!Mr Chick(of course the more religious man would then proceed to cast judgement on all around him, maybe thou without hypocrisy should cast the first stone?)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Stalky.. you, Meeka and myself... is Orange ready for that? *grins* Tuscan.. you Rock!! BUT.. You HAVE been norty.. come lay over my knee and take this spanking Inspirit.. not in Nifty then.. I was in Meeka.... umm.. let me finish that.. MEEKATHARRA :) I had a melt down there "93.. :) Yep. guys lie and cheat, girls lie and cheat.. all for any one of a thousand reasons.. some legit.. some just "Because" Who am I to Judge?? I do believe I will be judged myself.. when the day comes.. :) caveman
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RHP User
14 years ago
So I think I'll keep my mouth shut on this one.
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RHP User
14 years ago
God the Moral Police are out in force today !
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RHP User
14 years ago
I was recently involved wit a woman who had seperated and said both had "moved on"Until finding out that the real seperation was only a month before, not the year before.After a week of seeing this woman, the ex was driving past my place and making random visits to hers to confront me.It's not so much about being married, or seperated. It's more about disclosing anything that may be a threat to your own personal safety. I ended this affair, as other information came to light that was not disclosed. Now, after 8 weeks, I am still getting a few minor annoyances.So, you did the right thing in making a choice of not putting yourself in a situation that could have turned ugly.Disclose all before meeting.Let the choice be made beforehand.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i think u did the right thing.i would have walked away as well..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'kinkisthenewpink'You are a DAG sometimes! only 'sometimes'? shit...not trying hard enough then...should be 'all the time'...lol...
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RHP User
14 years ago
how is 'being pricipled'........... the 'wrong thing'? how is having scruples and morals........the 'wrong thing'? how is making a decision to act on a belief........the 'wrong thing'?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Its the Married ,Lying,Cheating. Thread again
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RHP User
14 years ago
Moral police my ass, I don't give a flying fig why she is cheating, and yes Tuscanred what you say is true, but I still reserve the right to be able to play or not play with married people. I deserve to be told up front. xxMeeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
So need a like button
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RHP User
14 years ago
Liars are just that.... We all have our own moral standards and not everyone will agree to others - for me personally attached men don't interest me. I do believe in fidelity in a relationship but to each their own... As long as each person can live with the decisions they make either as a single person or in a relationship who is to question what is right and what is wrong?
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RHP User
14 years ago
i would say you did perfectly for her to go that far into the evening and not be honest with you about her situation is wrong and sad sooo sad im married and my hubby and i spent a long time discussing having an open marriage and the reasons why we should go through with this amazing experience of meeting new people :) but as i said you did the right thing she should have understood that you would have morals and values and you should have been allowed to make your own choices inregards to her little secret :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
High 5 buddy to be lead on that far only to be told once you are through the door is a cheat in itself- that is really low. I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;)Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
My definition of doing the right thing, is doing the thing that you believe to be morally right at the time, regarless of the difficulty or sacrifice that might be involved. By that definition, I'd say you did the right thing. People are entitled to make their own decisions about the morality of lying but for me it doesn't fly. I struggle with the idea that it is ok for a person to lie to their partner, a person who they have committed to and who lives his or her life on the basis of trust, so long as they are honest with whomever they cheat on their partner with. I don't understand the morality, for example, of "Its ok for you to lie to your husband but it would be wrong of you to lie to me". I also struggle with the idea that a person who has an affair with a person who is attached is not in any part responsible for the fact that someone is being cheated on. Arguments such as "if he wasn't cheating with me hed be cheating on her with someone else" or "I have no obligation to her, as I've never met her" or "I'm not responsible for what he chides to do (with me)" are about as weak as they come. All that said, the morality or otherwise of people's decisions are all pretty fact specific and in some cases its easy to see why Ruby chooses to take her love to town. So best not to judge but just let them get on with it.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Am more curious why you would seek validation from others about your choice? Are you regretting it? If how you reacted feels right for you then you have answered your own question.There is nothing wrong about being upset, frustrated, etc at being lied to or misled, if that is what happened. You said she was from here - did her profile state she was single? So if she has told you that she is single then yep, I would be annoyed at the waste of my time in corresponding and a "pre possible play meet*, if they were married - none of which would of happened if they had of disclosed that info from the start.Many people are more than happy to play with married others. The ones that lie about their marriage status are effectively taking your right of choice away. I would assume that those who would of still gone ahead knowing her status would be pissed if she disclosed that at her house - not exactly a good scenario for anyone if hubby walked through the door.Silver lining though, as least she told you the truth before anything happened.Answering your question, yes I would of done the same. As much as someone may have reasons for lying/cheating/whatever, I have my own valid reasons for not being the one they do it with. Sue me.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx' I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;)WHy wouldn't that general principle hold true with a person of any gender? If your wife has a wicked gag reflex, or adamantly refuses to have anal sex or swing, how are you supposed to 'explore your sexuality'? I guess you could be even more grey and "Lovely wife Betty simply cannot shag like Jane from down the road can"
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RHP User
14 years ago
Their is a post about husbands lying? You have restored my faith in what we are all about. Yes you did the right thing. For yourself. I dont care if she had a platinum plated vagina with gold nipples That glowed in the dark.... Your moral compass will serve you well in life. You wont be single for long *coughNo False Advertising Please People!!!We're Sexy Aussies!!!Best wishes xo
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx'High 5 buddy to be lead on that far only to be told once you are through the door is a cheat in itself- that is really low. I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;) Cass xxxhow so? why would it matter who the partner was wanting to play with? wrong is wrong isnt it? cheating...is cheating, whether it be heterosexually, homosexually, or bisexually. if some one was married....and declared they had to 'explore their sexuality', wouldnt it make better sense for that person to become 'not married'? how could that be any different to a guy meeting other guys for for sexual interaction? would the wife have just cause to be upset? absolutely. you cant minimise cheating by saying...'but it was with another woman'....think about how you would feel.....if your guy was into illicit meets with other men....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx'High 5 buddy to be lead on that far only to be told once you are through the door is a cheat in itself- that is really low. I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;) Cass xxxhow so? why would it matter who the partner was wanting to play with? wrong is wrong isnt it? cheating...is cheating, whether it be heterosexually, homosexually, or bisexually. if some one was married....and declared they had to 'explore their sexuality', wouldnt it make better sense for that person to become 'not married'? how could that be any different to a guy meeting other guys for for sexual interaction? would the wife have just cause to be upset? absolutely. you cant minimise cheating by saying...'but it was with another woman'....think about how you would feel.....if your guy was into illicit meets with other men....
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RHP User
14 years ago
People lie....we all lie....because we are human....and on a site like this we all need to be very cautious and understand that there are people here who are going to lie about their status,and many other things probably.There is nothing certain or safe about persuing a varied and interesting sex life,some understanding of the risks is required . This will no doubt not be the last time holdenf you encounter a person who has lied to you,tricked you even,but at the last minute you at least were given some sort of choice.Worse things have happened,as other posters have previously mentioned. As for the rest of us,the moral high ground is a heady place,the rush to the head in that rarified atmosphere is the reason adulterous women in other cultures are stoned and in the past burnt at the stake. So lets put this sort of thing in perspective , as jensman says people in glass houses and stones.
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RHP User
14 years ago
This is probably the wrong thing but... DAM Meeka you have a cute arse......
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RHP User
14 years ago
Have I clicked onto the lying husbands thread by mistake?
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RHP User
14 years ago
if you dont like it do as he did and walk if it doesnt bother you then dont all i am saying
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'multiples_xxx'High 5 buddy to be lead on that far only to be told once you are through the door is a cheat in itself- that is really low. I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;) Cass xxxhow so? why would it matter who the partner was wanting to play with? wrong is wrong isnt it? cheating...is cheating, whether it be heterosexually, homosexually, or bisexually. if some one was married....and declared they had to 'explore their sexuality', wouldnt it make better sense for that person to become 'not married'? how could that be any different to a guy meeting other guys for for sexual interaction? would the wife have just cause to be upset? absolutely. you cant minimise cheating by saying...'but it was with another woman'....think about how you would feel.....if your guy was into illicit meets with other men.... That's the thing he wouldn't need to because I care about him, have understanding to his needs, his yearnings and passions and I encourage him to explore them whether I am into it or not and I don't limit him with my fears or prejudice. We work things out in respect of each other together.If there is no point trying to be honest because the idea wouldn't for a second be considered then I can understand someone straying to explore bi sexuality as it is something they can't get from their partner. Ideally it would be best to work it out in the open and have permission but some partners are unable to accept that sort of thing (more so I would say a wife if the male wants to explore other men) Not everyone gets a chance to explore before they are married/ partnered or become parents and I am not so sure a marriage ending or a family break up for the sake of a bit of sexploration is a good thing. I hear you say then don't do it in the first place... well that's up to the individual to gauge- can they live with never or is it worth the risk in light of the consequences of notz? Can they handle the consequences of being found out. It is not always a disaster or marriage ending.There is risk in asking in the first place, there is cost in not doing anything at all and being an unhappy person and their is risk and cost in sneaking around and a benefit to experience things. SCENARIO 1- Hard working, loving dad, loves his narrow minded religious wife and they have a healthy sex life, he pays taxes, donates to charity and coaches the kids footy team - wants to have a couple of 1 off M/M experiences- Not how I would operate but no biggie in my book the problem IMO is the culture and conditioning that limits it in the first place. SCENARIO 2- Stay at home mum of 3, volunteers in the tuck shop, her homophobic husband who whilst a great provider is the jealous type, couldn't really care less about his wife's sexual happiness as he is more concerned with work and money. She works part time so hubby is not so stressed as he has an anxiety condition. She loves him and appreciates the stability for her family- I feel the same as before.Sorry guys for not considering you I just don't really have the right equipment. Though I could ask to borrow Meeka's strap on- just to see if the return for investment is worth it. I get your stance on it Mike and I agree with you for myself- I choose honesty but my partner and I have a unique sort of relationship that is hard to find and I understand the complications and limitation in the lives of others. Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
It was late and I was just thinking one sided. But feel the same for guys. I am not saying it's right or wrong and it is definitely not ideal.... I am just saying I could understand and would perhaps be sympathetic - I wouldn't for just better hetero sex lol! There is a darker shade of grey and a lighter shade of grey.Cass xxxQuoting 'sydneyboy3au' Quoting 'multiples_xxx' I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;)WHy wouldn't that general principle hold true with a person of any gender? If your wife has a wicked gag reflex, or adamantly refuses to have anal sex or swing, how are you supposed to 'explore your sexuality'? I guess you could be even more grey and "Lovely wife Betty simply cannot shag like Jane from down the road ca
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RHP User
14 years ago
if either one of us wanted to explore with others...without the other being part of it...or approving of the exploration, there'd only be two options...........that it would not happen, or the marriage would end. thats how we both feel, the two of us agree that the others attention needs to be on the relationship, not each of us on ourselves. for myself....if i felt compelled to explore anything, sexual, physical or romantic, with anyone else, be they male or female, I'd declare my intentions......and pack my gear and leave the marital home...permanently. if Shel felt the same compulsion..... I'd help her pack..... if there was 'unfinished business', or 'questions left unanswered', that were so overwhelming that they just had to be satisfied, i'd be questioning the reasons to have become married in the first place, as the promises and undertakings spoken and unspoken, wouldve been for nothing........ the question from the OP is whether or not others feel the same way about 'cheating', and if he did the 'right thing'. we both feel the same way about 'cheating' as this guy..... and have to agree, that yes....he did the right thing..... in response to your scenarios..... scenario 1.........leave the marriage...sort yourself out, and once you've done so...look for something permanent with someone who understands you, or more importantly...fulfills you. scenario 2...... see scenario 1. if someone approves of their partners desire to explore....then thats simply....not cheating is it? answering the question from the point of view that you'd not feel 'cheated' isnt quite right...because 'cheating' suggests you didnt know about it, and therefore wouldnt approve.......
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think mostly because *his* principles prevailed even though he was so close! That's strong :) I just don't necessarily impose what I expect of myself and my relationship onto others.i.e scenario's it's the same for us hence the fact I am in a loving open relationship. Ours is very deep and intimate with real honesty- and a lifetime spent joined at the hip lol! If my arse looks fat in that he tells me and I appreciate it and if I spend $400 on something I don't say $200 etc and he knows he doesn't need to at least double his annoyance. We don't even white lie lol. I just accept that other people's marriage's may not be so fortunate/ cursed in being so intimate and close, I think it is pretty rare and special and I get that people get married for all sorts of reasons and they are not necessarily compatible or have the desire or ability to build real intimacy. Kids and family (think arranged marriage) have a lot to do with that.i.e, cheating, honestly I would question what communication and personal issues we had that he felt the need to hide it. I live in an alternate universe and we discuss everything conceivable. Thing is we are so open with each other it just isn't a reality at this point. Whilst there have been issues we are committed to our relationship and secure and take pleasure in each other having meaningful nsa experiences and each other indulging in our curiosities- we only live once. We are not into an open marriage so the only thing that he could do wrong is getting attached and we both have no desire for that. If he got attached I would sense it and he would tell me when he was ready to sort it out and I would give him a mouthful and a heartful and then a moment to get his priorities straight one way or the the and fix it, as he has afforded me in the past....our journey has not been without steep learning curves and our intimacy has been earned. We are both with our flaws and accept that we are human, make mistakes and can learn, change and better ourselves as long as we work together- which we can/do... same as others. :) I am sort of getting off topic again :( but that's how it is for me and how come I have that perspective on cheating.Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
in the perfect world ud be right? something u dont know about is going on with her to be in that situation she is in , life to short to get the answer who knows ? happydays
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RHP User
14 years ago
"Sharia Law" - The Stone Age Law Of Stones.... ... Both are against homosexuality, adultery, premarital sex, abortion and feminism. so get your rocks here folks what would you do to these people in real life. your neighbour, your sister, your brother You talk the talk here, but would you walk the walk theory soon comes to practice soon comes into law how far do you want to go with the adultery bashing thread? have a whine on the computer, how very lucky we are that our thoughts do not over rule our laws. YET!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' "Sharia Law" - The Stone Age Law Of Stones.... ... Both are against homosexuality, adultery, premarital sex, abortion and feminism. so get your rocks here folks what would you do to these people in real life. your neighbour, your sister, your brother You talk the talk here, but would you walk the walk theory soon comes to practice soon comes into law how far do you want to go with the adultery bashing thread? have a whine on the computer, how very lucky we are that our thoughts do not over rule our laws. YET! are you quite ok? sharing an opinion is hardly public stoning.... so why bring religion into it??... what this guy did, was the right thing..........cheats and liars...and those who allow it deserve contempt, and thats being generous. ...what would I do? say to them, face to face, what I say here...without hesitation....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Where's your pic or your sexy sexy legs Now I am unhappy I collect stone but not to throw, I'm into get stones to nice to throw at people........ Bring back the flower power, the days of the hippies
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RHP User
14 years ago
I haven't read all the responses...but my guess is she changed her mind about having sex with you and made up the marriage bit! I just don't get how you went to "her" house and out the "front" she told you about her husband? Umm if she truly was married and he didn't know...why were you at her house? If that was me, there is no way in hell I would've taken you to my house..I would've fucked you in the park or got you to give me a quick lick in the alleyway by the side of the pub lol. Sorry HoldenF...you were duped! Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'multiples_xxx'High 5 buddy to be lead on that far only to be told once you are through the door is a cheat in itself- that is really low. I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;) Cass xxxhow so? why would it matter who the partner was wanting to play with? wrong is wrong isnt it? cheating...is cheating, whether it be heterosexually, homosexually, or bisexually. if some one was married....and declared they had to 'explore their sexuality', wouldnt it make better sense for that person to become 'not married'? how could that be any different to a guy meeting other guys for for sexual interaction? would the wife have just cause to be upset? absolutely. you cant minimise cheating by saying...'but it was with another woman'....think about how you would feel.....if your guy was into illicit meets with other men.... It is not all black and white out there...my daughters best mate from school (she is now 19 years old) was forced to get married last year...an arranged marriage! The girl is bi-sexual and was dating my daughter up to the wedding just about as she knew they could never see each other again once she was married! Her bi-sexuality now has to be denied by herself. Wow what a shocker huh...This is Australia and teenagers are being put into arranged marriages that they have no say about! Girls are still being killed over here for not wanting to get married...they are being kidnapped, they are being forced back to their parents country if they resist it! My daughter has 3 friends from her school days that have been in arranged marriages in the last year alone and more are coming up...Seriously get your head out of the sand and look around you...look at reality! Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'multiples_xxx'High 5 buddy to be lead on that far only to be told once you are through the door is a cheat in itself- that is really low. I think the grey area is with females wanting to explore their sexuality with another female and the husband being religious or an arsehole is not okay with it even though it is something that he can not do for her. I would help them out ;) Cass xxxhow so? why would it matter who the partner was wanting to play with? wrong is wrong isnt it? cheating...is cheating, whether it be heterosexually, homosexually, or bisexually. if some one was married....and declared they had to 'explore their sexuality', wouldnt it make better sense for that person to become 'not married'? how could that be any different to a guy meeting other guys for for sexual interaction? would the wife have just cause to be upset? absolutely. you cant minimise cheating by saying...'but it was with another woman'....think about how you would feel.....if your guy was into illicit meets with other men.... It is not all black and white out there...my daughters best mate from school (she is now 19 years old) was forced to get married last year...an arranged marriage! The girl is bi-sexual and was dating my daughter up to the wedding just about as she knew they could never see each other again once she was married! Her bi-sexuality now has to be denied by herself. Wow what a shocker huh...This is Australia and teenagers are being put into arranged marriages that they have no say about! Girls are still being killed over here for not wanting to get married...they are being kidnapped, they are being forced back to their parents country if they resist it! My daughter has 3 friends from her school days that have been in arranged marriages in the last year alone and more are coming up...Seriously get your head out of the sand and look around you...look at reality! Hugs...xFunlovingxhow are arranged marriages even relevant to the idea of 'cheating'? i dont need to pull my 'head out of the sand' at all...you are inserting an entirely different topic into the discussion...you should remember that its not the groom who arranges the marriage....its the parents... both parties, husband and wife, stand to be there against their wishes... but hey, cheating is cheating, regardless the circumstances. ( i have friends who are in arranged marriages, i grew up in a predominantly Muslim country, many of my own school mates had their lives mapped out in this way as well)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I haven't read all the responses...but my guess is she changed her mind about having sex with you and made up the marriage bit! I just don't get how you went to "her" house and out the "front" she told you about her husband? Umm if she truly was married and he didn't know...why were you at her house? If that was me, there is no way in hell I would've taken you to my house..I would've fucked you in the park or got you to give me a quick lick in the alleyway by the side of the pub lol. Sorry HoldenF...you were duped! Hugs...xFunlovingx And besides that I have never heard such a sanctimonious, moralistic bunch of shit in all my life. ' Did holdenf do the right thing? For him it was yes. BUT That does not mean that it was the right thing for another person. Who the hell are we to judge anothers actions? Get of your damn high horses and walk a mile in thier shoes. Many of you on here do things that I would consider wrong. Shit I probably do plenty of things that would raise more than an eyebrow or two in different company. All happy smug little vegemites running others down are you? Never done a damn thing wrong in your lives? At the end of the day, the person who cheats or lies or decieves is the one who has to live with thier decision....not you. So long as you can look yourselves in the mirror and be happy then all is good. There is no need for this stone-throwing and out-pouring of vitriol though.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Ok.. I have followed this thread through, and made a few comments... all the time wondering what is right and wrong, and what would I have really done.. This verdict has been reached after long and arduous thought processes... I understand I DO NOT travel to every marriage in the world and stand up and tell all parties concerned I WILL NOT have sex with either partner... That task/promise, I believe is an understanding strickly between the TWO people getting married.. I realise I can not judge a person as to WHY they felt compelled to hide the married status from me, nor can I legitimately feel BETRAYED when ultimately told.. yadda yadda yadda... I could go on and on.. BUT.. remember this is all in light of a lot of responses from all concerned here... I would have had sex with her NOW.. on the night is question.. where I didnt have a single response from ANYONE at all... what would I have done? I would have *chuckled* to her.. and gone for broke.. I would have taken her to whatever level I was capable. I would have spent as much time with her that I could, and given her as much attention as possible.. THEN.. IF she wished to speak about the "Why's and Wherefore's" I would have listened..and still not judged her.. and would have done as much as possible to engage her for further experiences... I MIGHT even have had some advise for her as far as her relationship is concerned... except for a huge understanding I have in ALL relationships... That is.. there are THREE sides to EVERYONE of them.. 1) the HER side 2) the HIS side 3) the REAL side Her decision to play is hers alone.. for whatever reason.. it is.. she will NEVER tell me even her OWN truth of the matter.. she will only ever try to justify her actions.. as will he, If i were ever to sit in a pub and have a beer with him. So would I. That my dear friends IS human nature.... SO IS F***ing!! IN FACT, I have come to the conclusion.. from a number of ways that the originator of this thread has not been totally truthful to us also.. "Holdenf" - I am confident has NOT told us the full and therefore truthful recount of the night in question.. AND wish he would message me with the girls name.. so I MIGHT offer something she missed out on that night.. Of course.. I COULD be wrong.. :) Caveman.. (being himself.. by his very nature..) x
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RHP User
14 years ago
Cave Man should be more of em as for Mike and Shell, sorry I should not have baited you, it a cheap shot and you took the hook line sinker and the boat as well I have had my say on married men women goats,horses and the parot I say fuck em , happy to do it if I click and I would have done the same as you did cave with a guy, and I would have listened to him after I emptied his balls hussy that I am
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RHP User
14 years ago
I find it fascinating that people who espouse a non monogamous lifestyle can be so moralistic about another persons behaviour,a person you have never met and whose story has been told third hand. People who are convinced that monogamy is the only moral pathway would be as passionate in their arguments too. They would metaphorically stone everyone who is not monagamous.
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RHP User
14 years ago
its all good Tuscan..... i kinda got that you were pouring fuel onto the fire....lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel'its all good Tuscan..... i kinda got that you were pouring fuel onto the fire....lol bad kitty that I am
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'mikeandshel'its all good Tuscan..... i kinda got that you were pouring fuel onto the fire....lol bad kitty that I am yes..... now......back in that box......theres a good girl lol....
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RHP User
14 years ago
Kudos, but such a delicate point. You could think of a number of scenarios why it happens.... you could never support something where the participants partner is entrusting faithfulness. But as I say there could be many reasons why this happens
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RHP User
14 years ago
Cheating is a somewhat dated attitude. The one absolute truth that I hold dear is that, to be an ethical person, you must adhere to the golden rule. (Check out jennylee's thread on the golden rule to see some of the variants.) Other wise, be true to yourself. You only live once (disregarding, for the sake of arguement, the notion of reincarnation) and everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness. If a person could be accepting and forgiving if their partner were to stray, then they wold not be hypocritical to "cheat" themselves. As far as I'm concerned, if a person is unwilling or unable to give his/her partner happiness, then the partner has a right to look elsewhere. Ideally, the marriage should be disolved before moving on but there can be several reasons that a person is unwilling to do so. Things can get very muddied in inter person relationships. You may believe you will behave a certain way in a given situation but untill you've been there, you don't really know. Try not to judge others too critically. Show a bit of compasion first.
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RHP User
14 years ago
And you got to her house ready to get it on....well done you're a bigger man then most. I've been cheated on and it's something you don't forget and personally,I wouldn't do it to someone else. At least I wasn't married! Keep up the good work son!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Good job, I could think of nothing worse than being at work and having my other half cheating. What she did to you was wrong and she could of put you or her hubby in harms way. One silly moment could change the lives of all those involved. Who know's what sort of reaction either of you could of had upon getting caught. I think that you did the right thing. I would buy you a beer for that. I always believe that honesty is best. I would go to war with you mate, you are what makes Austrlia and Australians great. Honesty and a sence of what is right and what is wrong, cheers to you Gary
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think I did the right thing the other night I ran into a friend of mine I had not seen for years, she has been married 28 years I went and had a few drinks and dinner with her and I noticed she was drinking a fair bit, and that is not her style. She was an is a beautiful woman, when we were young every one called her the McLean girl, today she is just as lovely. She told me that her vagina has atrophied to such a state that she the doc cant even get in to do a pap smear and told her to get hormonal cream. The doc ask her how is your husband managing to have sex. The reply he does not, and my friend started to cry her husband has not had sex with her for 15 years. He will not talk about it but the start point was when is brother got killed. He would not and will not seek help, she loves him with a passion and they still share a bed. On the tip of my tongue was red hot pie, but I was wiser this time I did not encourage her to participate here. Or to cheat as I know now it will only bring her a pile of whip arse and critsism and make her life a missery as it has for another female friend of mine, re copping flack. So women and men who have no sex, can just suck it up now. and not be cheating fuckers. they can be no fuckers instead I think we can just reach the point of no return. Maybe I need to rip of my hormone patches, and let my libido die a natural death. I need to suck it up myself and start drinking?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Everyone deserves pleasure.There are men here as you know TR who are in the same situation.Life is not black and white. I hope your friend and her husband can find some mutual understanding if not, finding a lover may indeed save her health...mental and physical...she is fortunate that she has you as a friend, xHugs H
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RHP User
14 years ago
you are very right mate, how can you trust your life with a fellow comrade if he his prepared to sleep with your partner or anyone elses partner. This sort of things is what breaks up a couple, family and communities apart.People say they do it and other people say its ok to do it if your sexual needs are not being met, well i say fucken bullshit to that and what a load of crock that is to say as there is a lot more at steak then your own selfish needs. if its that important to you then leave your partner first before thinking of your selfish self first.like i say do the right thing first and then focus on your self.
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RHP User
14 years ago
You know she could have been setting you up so that her husband would come home, bash you and leave her. It could have been a way out of the relationship for her. For safety alone, I would have said no. As far as cheating, you know, it's your karma, it's your life, and it's your situation. You gotta weigh everything up, including your own values, how much you would hurt your partner or would they cope with you cheating. Each to their own!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hey Holdenf, you probably kicked urself all the way out her driveway, what on earth were you thinkin, what male in his right mind would have left without ....... , he he he, nah seriously, you did the right thing by walking out. she wasnt honest with you from the start, i feel the same way you do, people that have affairs, like you say, theres no reason for it, those people lack communication and understanding with each other, when ever we chat with individuals, that is always one question i ask befor going any further
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WHY_NOT_LOOK
14 years ago
Well i think if your single married relationship straight bi swingers or whatever... why wouldnt you be honest with the person your with be it a day or years or hours... at least then you have a right to stay or walk away. I always ask straight up and also say what im after if its not the same thing no harm done. Hiding one thing will lead to a hundred things... being pregnat stds break ups .... Just be staight up its not that dam hard id rather the truth than hide it from someone... It will send you both crazy. Never cheated been cheated on but i live in hope that one day ill find someone thats on the same page as me....Is it really that hard these days it seems that way At least she was half honest before it got to far for you
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RHP User
14 years ago
Personally I like FunLoving's suggestion that she may have been trying to give it the flick. Hehe. The only trouble with that theory is that a lot of men might've said, "Oh well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him," and then she would've been stuffed. "Er... and I also have thrush." A lot of people have focussed on the fact that HoldenF did the right thing here- especially HoldenF himself. I'd like to draw attention to the fact that the woman in question eventually did the right thing also. I agree, it would have been much better to have been told up front. But I give her points for being honest when it came down to the crunch time. If she were truly a ball of immorality and lies she could have said that she wasn't married (granted the evidence around the house may have been a problem) or, the more usual one, "we have an open relationship. He's having fun in Sydney tonight with a cute blonde so he told me to enjoy myself." Because my morals are important to me as well, I would have much rather been told at the door the truth about her situation than to have gone through with it on a false basis. And mate, it's great to have the strong morals that you do. But the parting shot at her was really unnecessary. She could be the world's loneliest woman with the world's most dysfunctional marriage. Who knows, maybe her husband was in Sydney with a cute blonde - just without permission. You don't have to participate but a better way to end it would have been,"Thank you for telling me now. Look, I've got to go, I don't believe in cheating and I won't do it. I would have rather you had told me up front. But thanks for your interest and the drinks and chat at the pub. I had a good night and I hope you did too. Goodbye."The poor thing probably went inside and cried herself to sleep in guilt and loneliness. Even worse, she was honest and had a bad experience. So what motivation does she have to be honest the next time she convinces a guy to come home with her, if he's just going to use it to put her down?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Yeah your right there mate, what i said to her sitting in her lounge room was in the heat of the moment of being angry and disgusted that she was willing to use me to cheat on her husband. After i did calm and realised what i said was a bit harsh i did then wish i could of said something like what you said but anyway its to late for that now but i do know now how to handle it better if it does happen again.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Good on you, HoldenF, very big of you to say so. To be honest I may have been short-tempered myself being in the same situation. Well hopefully HoldenF some local single women see your thread and decide they want in on what this guy has to offer. If not, at least you can sleep easy at night!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so ....must applaud the post what brilliant self promotion, Stirling job !
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well in some ways... everyone deserves happiness no matter what. There are always 2 sides in a coin. Being cheated upon after your loyalty to your spouse over the years and forgiving the asshiole over n over again is heartbreaking . But how much more heartbreaking being alone and at the end of the day feeling lonely and unwanted ? No one deserves to be alone babe ... sometimes it's a must to give that cheater a taste of his own medicine.
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WHY_NOT_LOOK
14 years ago
I agree everyones focused on cheating I think everyone has the right to a good time Yes were on a adult site.... so were all into simalar ideas BUT honesty is for everything in life do you lie to your boss your kids family friends then yeah you wouldnt care if she did the same. But if someone ask important Q and states they want honesty they do have a right to be told the truth. So am i wrong here maybe im asking to much of people these days... And at the end of the day how do we know when its just hooking for fun who they are... im starting to doubt myself am i just believing what i want to hear now. Fark see what happens when you think to much... time to go masturbate myself at least i know who i am lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Nice to see some with principles on here. Looking yourself in the mirror the next day -and happy with what you see etc - is very important
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RHP User
14 years ago
I wont go into another one of my stories here so you can see a totally different side and it happened to me and how things ended up (all friendly I will say with all concerned and in both split ups) What I will say, is that the OP may feel remorse hence asking every one. The end of the day you/ we need to live with ourselves. If it was right or wrong what you did it is only right or wrong in your eyes, its down to your morals, upbringing and beliefs If I was in the same situation who knows till I am in that situation but I am sure I would explain as comforting as possible to the person at the time my reasons, again just me. We believe Sundays is a day of rest, Muslims/Arabs believe Friday is, are they right or wrong do we judge them for it no, so why judge this poor lady who may as another poster said just want that bit of attention or felt some thing she wanted to explore. I admit not saying sooner was a down fall, and maybe she should have not said anything till afterwards from leaving it so late. You don’t know what her mind set is or where it was or guilt she may or may not have. Any situation like this should be taken softly/thoughtfully and carefully as you have no idea of the agenda or situation the lady is in. In majority of situations it is usually the male that neglects his lady as in new sport new toy new mates or working crazy hours with out thinking of the lady you created and made a relationship and home with. I feel a woman is very much like a cat, if you don’t show appreciation, feelings, love, etc she may move on. How ever what ever reason I am sure she has one, it is a shame you didn’t sit for a while and be a little bit of a mediator to her situation you may have found a good set of friends. I would love to see how you would react if a woman came home with you then got up all angry and ran out the door, I am sure your ego would fall through hell. Not getting at the OP but if your not ready to open your eyes and arms to every situation you maybe confronted with on here and have some tact to you actions and emotions then sit back a while, or now you see all these posts re-think every thing over as anger is not a way to go. It takes enough courage in its self to actually meat up with some one of these sites even more so for women. Saying all that I am a true believer if you are unhappy where you are move on if still unhappy move again, if you stay you will always be unhappy
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RHP User
14 years ago
You definitely have done the damn right thing!there is nothing worse than being dishonest and doing something that hurts the feeling of the person that loves and trusts you!
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