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RHP

RHP User

F37

The Real Woman's Dictionary

August 01 2012

I found this on the internet and got quite a laugh from it so i thought I would share it with all the ladies out there. Have any of these applied to you recently? If so what was the story behind it? Men take note.... 1. "Fine" This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.) 2. "Five minutes"This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that yourFootball game is going to last before you take out the trash, sowomen feel that it's an even trade. 3. "Nothing""Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turnyou inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifiesan argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it forpermission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" andyou'll have a "Five Minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine." 5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what youwant because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead"in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she willtalk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. 6. "Loud Sigh"This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinksyou are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her timestanding here and arguing with you over "Nothing!." 7. "Soft Sigh"Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one ofthe few things that some men actually understand. It means she ismomentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in thehope that the moment will last a bit longer. 8. "Oh"This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example: "Oh,let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing lastnight." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to thenearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossingyour clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you forat least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifiesthat you are caught in a lie.) Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them. 9. "That's Okay"This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say toa man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard beforedeciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That'sOkay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with araised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, youare in for some mighty big trouble. 10. "Please Do"This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you thechance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In otherwords, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handlethis correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." 11. ThanksThe woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hiddenmeaning. Just say "you're welcome." 12. "Thanks A Lot""Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman willsay "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It isusually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt herinsome callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "LoudSigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Long time no post, good to see you back. Looks like you have found a fella to stick around as well, congrats!I have experienced a few of these, but mostly its juststhe, what planet are you living on look...lolCheers Nev

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Oh that is soooo funny and so true! I love it!!!! Good to see you back gorgeous...I missed how much laughter and enjoyment you bring to the Forums! Do not leave us AGAIN! Big Hugs...xFunlovingx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Some of this might help, thank you. (...or am I being overly optimistic?)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    What on earth were you looking for? lol :)Fucking so funny its too true hahah

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    favourite question.....What are you thinking about dear?x Hugs H

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I think again you might have confused us men for actually caring ..We Don’t

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'wowwow11' I think again you might have confused us men for actually caring ..We Don’tYou really need to get laid

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Girl you are funny! I think we should distribute a copy of this to a lot of men who dont have a clue( most ) in how woman think .verbal non verbal... unless they have a femenine nature ... what is kind of weird too... you are so right !!!!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    definately used these with my ex ..... he just didn't get it

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    aww gee Tuscan... dont be like that ... You missed the point We (men) know its all about a laugh I am only adding to that we dont care we will cop the abuse if it means we can watch the Footy over going shopping

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Like getting ready takes as long as the man to get home from the pub ... 15 min... Pffft

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    And it's you women who accuse us of not being able to communicate..Now my head aches...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Cassandra_Jayne'Like getting ready takes as long as the man to get home from the pub ... 15 min... Pffft righty ooohhhhh now, its time for us poor males to reclaim our testicles from these metaphorical purse carrying women.   1. man nodding his head - this gesture should never be construed as an act of submission moreso a tactical retreat. we deadpan you in the face (facial expression that only we men can perfect), nod 5 times slowly and we stealthily back out the room, keeping eye contact at all times just in case objects are hurled our way.   then we go to the pub for 15 minutes. haha   come on lads, lets reclaim, our gonads

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    absolutely hilarious....but yet so true...my hubby and i were reading your post together...and when he got to number 9....he just cracked up laughing....saying.."honey, that's so YOU!!!"...not sure, what he means...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'wowwow11' I think again you might have confused us men for actually caring ..We Don’t Quoting 'wowwow11' aww gee Tuscan... dont be like that ... You missed the point We (men) know its all about a laugh I am only adding to that we dont care we will cop the abuse if it means we can watch the Footy over going shopping We agree with Tuscan, time for to get laid wowwow, or at least stop making stupid comments in the name of "we". Perhaps use "I" instead.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ... But hang on a minute "where are you going? ... Who with? ... Give me 15 mins, I'll come with you" (meh)... My dad usually has a little green overnight bag in hand, which can be used to deflect any hurled objects.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    To study. In case anyone asks me a question or two. I'd hate to be caught out when another 5 minutes work would have bumped me over the line. But now I'm wondering. What line?We all have a laugh at this. There are many similar jokes doing Internet forums and emails. It seems that it is socially excusable to paint all women as short fused and manipulative.. But is this really the case?Are women really happy to be generalized as unstable manipulators??

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Cassandra_Jayne'... But hang on a minute "where are you going? ... Who with? ... Give me 15 mins, I'll come with you" (meh)... My dad usually has a little green overnight bag in hand, which can be used to deflect any hurled objects. where am i going? somewhere   who with? someone   how long? as long as a piece of string   i need to know! you are on a need to know basis. and right now, you dont need to know   oooft. de ja vu

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ...I'm calling my mother... And next time I will not untie you!!! ...(well not until I need a jar lid loosened)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Cassandra_Jayne'...I'm calling my mother... And next time I will not untie you!!! ...(well not until I need a jar lid loosened) thats what neighbours are for.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    We should come up with a list of things men (supposedly, if we are using gross generalizations) do better than women. Then you ladies will remember why you appreciate us? Maybe??I'll start.. Men make better beer fairies..

    reply

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