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RHP

RHP User

M58

So...you want to have an affair do you?

July 30 2009

Hi there everyone, this is my first post on here and i was reading the topic about How to keep your affair secret. Let me give you some tips based on experience... My story: my wife cheated on me with my best friend for over 8 years (that I know of), yes, silly me, such a trusting soul, anyway, when i did find out (I came home early from work, like 6 hours early) and saw his car out front...after searching for them I went upstairs and voila!, when i got to the top of the stairs, there they were in bed going at it hammer and tongs, well i stood and watched for 5 minutes and then left again...they never knew i was there...the upshot?...four weeks later i moved out...and my then 14 yo son came with me...she still doesn't know that is why i ended the marriage, i just stated that it seemed that our marriage was over and it was time to move on in our lives...albeit separately. Now I do a lot of driving which gives me a lot of thinking time. And i have been thinking....there ARE going to be people who will have an affair and whilst this is wrong (in my opinion), whatever i think is completely irrelevant to what they will do. By making this contribution, I am at least offering you ideas that will allow you to have your thrills whilst at the same time protecting the ones you love...so... so now for the tips... 1)...Have you considered the consequences of what will happen when you get caught?...How will your spouse re-act, are you prepared to lose your children, your spouse, your house etc...Think about this very carefully BEFORE trying for an affair because, unless you are unbelievably lucky, you WILL get caught...it took me 8 years to catch out my wife 2)...JOIN A CLUB...You need an excuse to get out of the house...join a club...ladies, men hate needlework, patchwork, quilting, sewing etc, so join one of these, then you can go to your weekly meeting, leave early and then rendezvous with your lover. Men, join a sporting club, some good ones are bike clubs, chess clubs, squash clubs, computer groups...then you can have the night out (supposedly at your club wherein you are actually with your woman)... 3)...PAY CASH for everything...after i found out about my wife, I decided to again go through bank statements and credit card statements ( i had already done so for tax purposes) and guess what...there were heaps of unexplained transactions...now, previously i had just written them off as something that my wife had bought...but with my newfound knowledge, a lot of little things were suddenly much more clearer. 4)...DO NOT TAKE A RECEIPT FOR ANYTHING...and FFS, do not try and claim a night at a hotel as a tax lurk, you have already got away with your meeting with your lover, don't give your spouse a chance to find out 5)...DRESS DOWN when you are going out...so you are going to a quilting workshop...and you are wearing a smart skirt, heels, nice top and perfume???...excuse me!!!!!....if your lover wants you to dress up, buy some nice clothes WITH CASH, better still, let them buy them, then get THEM to bring them to the meet, and u can change then...who goes to a chess club night in a suit?...get my drift? 6)...MOBILE PHONES...unless you have an excellent hiding place, and frankly, someone always find it, I looked one day and found my wife's second phone in the pantry (?)...after i found a bill for it, paid by credit card...have one mobile only and NEVER let it out of your sight... 7)...NOTICE YOUR SPOUSE, even though we never made love, well not for 8 years anyway, my wife fussed over me like nothing on earth, she did my ironing, cooked me delicious food, she kissed me but not with passion....and she was anally retentive about the bed, it seemed as if she was forever changing the sheets and doona cover and pillows, i now know why she did so8)...YOU NEED A TRUSTING SPOUSE...I was! If your spouse is even halfway a suspicious type, you are going to find it very difficult to hide an affair from them... Yes, I got burnt, and if it is your soul's journey to get your thrills this way and then have the universe smack you bigtime, then by all means, go for it... I only hope that you are THE lucky one who does NOT get caught, and I feel sorry and sad for all the people that you will be hurting...your spouse, your kids, your friends, your family and parents...the list goes on and on...enjoy your thrills and enjoy being a leper in your own house later... Cheers Jose PS, If you would like to discuss this further privately, my number is listed, please text and please say why as I don't answer the phone if the call is from someone I don't know, or send me an email...but if you are a guy, please include the words HAVING AN AFFAIR in the subject line otherwise I won't reply... I couldn't save my marriage, but maybe I can save yours...

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Hi Keith, I just wanted to say your butt looks good with a toolbag on... and thanks for the tips and the benefit of your experience. All those tips are spot on... i.e. Don't leave a trail and have a good defence. Gazza

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    You forgot to mention erase all emails and memorise email adresses and never use a home computer to chat with your mistress............this is the mistake my ex husband made......yes he is my ex now!!  I was a faithful and very good wife and mother to our children and he chose to be dishonest and get a mistress.... While he was on a "fishing trip" I cleaned out the hard drive on our computer and found all his e-mails to and from his mistress.  When he came home from his trip, I packed everything he owned when we got married in 2 packing boxes, waiting for him. I then very deliberately stripped him of all our assets, including the car and the house and all the contents. I then got a little bit fiscally vicious and stripped him of future assets in the division of assets paper work including his superannuation and the house he has recently bought with his mistress. Take this as a bit of a warning......if you are unhappy in your marriage.......get out of it before you play around on you spouse, or at least be honest with your partner.......she/he will eventually find out and they may have angry friends like mine that will help them take everything you will ever own. However since then I have re-found my joy in life and have mellowed quite a lot and no longer feel the urge to remove his kidneys with a plastic spoon (LOL that is a joke to explain the feelings of a once angry woman... NOT a recommendation in any way shape or form)  There is also a happy ending in this tale of angry vengance that may give those that are cheating or contemplating cheating on their spouses/partners a feint glimmer of peace...and that is that after all the years of being distrustful of men and by being forced to stand on my own two feet as a single woman and parent, I have developed strengths and ambitions that would never have grown had I remained married to this person. It has also allowed me to explore my sexuality in ways that would never have happened within the boundries of our previous marriage, and I have never regretted an encounter/experience that I have indulged in. Well that is my 2 cents, take from it what you will Shell

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Mate I was the cheater in my relationship and I was a bloody idiot.  I have lost proabably over a mill in assetts which hurts but the real hurt is that I lost the trust and respect of the woman that I loved.  I urge everyone not to have an affair either it may feel good for a little while but it ends up destroying you and that is not pretty.  It has wrecked my home my life and my libido.  My very excess that caused all this has literally shut down for the last 12months.  If your not happy then man up and face the facts and finish the relationship.  Wife and I had an ok marriage we had many problems and maybe we should have recognised the real issues, maybe I should have been a man about it and said darl this isnt working for me.  Now Im really lucky in one respect my Ex and I now have a better relationship as firends then we did as husband and wife, but its the exception to the rule I think.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Keith, Sorry to hear of the tough time you had with your marriage.  There are some good points there. Being the wife in the marriage and have my ex do the 'dirty' on me, I can understand your resentment.  Life is too short I say...live it while you can.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Once upon a time I was married to a bit of a tosser who was not apparently totally happy with his life. To remedy this sad malady in his life he chose to make some changes to his life to make it a bit more exciting and he went out and got himself a mistress… I at the time was a very trusting and apparently naïve but very faithful wife. Any way… he decided that with the stress of his job and our home and our 3 small children being constantly in the fore front of our lives that he would take a 2 week “fishing trip” to get away from it all, I agreed that he was appearing stressed and agreed that he should take a bit of a break. While he was away I decided to do some spring cleaning and thought that I should perhaps de clutter the computer as well. This is where it all fell to pieces for him; because I found all the saved emails and love letters that they had been sending one another…. I did what any girl would do and I called in my friends to help me out. After a couple of days of holding me together we had decided that she could have him and I would have everything else and set about planning the divorce. As a result of this planning time I took the family home the cat the dog (now deceased) the kids the car all of our assets and because I was feeling a little bit spiteful, in the division of assets paper work I took future assets as well. I gave him 2 boxes if clothes and his 20 year old TV. Because I started this as a bit of a fairy tale I suppose it should have a happy ending of sorts…so here it is… If he had not been a cheating lying unfaithful b@#$%^d  I very likely would never have explored my own sexuality and found a passion for bdsm and grown to be the very strong and confident person that I am today. How ever had he said to me that he wasn’t totally happy with our sex life then at the time I may have been willing to experiment with him. So please people that are considering cheating on your partners at least do them the courtesy of leaving them before you have an affair or at last talk to them about what it is that you want to do and give them the option to leave you before you start lying.   Well that is a part of my story….take from it what you will Shell

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    sorry about the double story about the same topic it took a while for the first one to go up so I thought that it had not been accepted, so I adjusted it a bit (took out the bit about digging out his kidneys with a plastic spoon) and resubmited ...upshot of the story is the same ...dont do it if you arent willing to lose everything.... and by the way if your partner does find out and you find yourself living with the 3rd person...after 12 monthes they are considered de facto and can take what ever your partner didnt....time to think with the head on the shoulders

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    hmmmmmm ???.. Shell sounds believable ...but as for Jose's (keithhenry) and your well meaning  tips ??...youre either a well adjusted and forgiving guy ...or a full of shit cheater yourself who thinks he's come up with a new angle for scoring sympathy points and maybe a root ???...lol hopefully not the later ? to each his own

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    full of  it  if  u  have  been   burnt by a  cheater  you arent  about  to give  ppl  tips  on how  to  do it   tipping  YOU  were  the   cheater  and  picked up a new  habit  of  compulsive  lieing ????? wow   really

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    ...just clearing up one slight misconception re my post...I should have realized something was happening, but i refused to take note of the signs...ie, sudden interest in clean sheets all the time, sudden interest in quilting, unexplained purchases...so, I have made some changes in my life...yes, left marriage for one (left her the house, the car, and all the trappings...etc)....i now look at people's actions rather than their words and see if they match...and if they don't?...well, you know the saying..."actions speak WAY louder than words"...so trust your instinct, if your instinct says that something is wrong, then IT IS RIGHT!!!I think you summed it up beautifully subshell, well done...and tigress505, thank you for your thoughts, I had many conflicting thoughts at the time...ANGER, sadness, more anger, resentment, loss of trust, loss of respect, but my biggest feeling was one of disappointment...i was disappointed that the woman i loved and idolised didn't have the guts to even discuss her feelings with me...I am well and truly over it now...it is amazing what very hard work coupled with sensible introspective thoughts and meditation can do for you...like subshell i am much stronger now, more in tune with my inner me, and have moved on...I was not aiming to generate sympathy with my post...i know that temptation and the thrill is sometimes too much...hey!!!, give me more!!!....lmao.....but, i wanted to make people aware of the pitfalls that could bring them down...but i think the best piece of advice can be gleaned from subshell and SURFERBOY142 and that is...DON'T BE AN INDIOT, LEAVE YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST!!!cheers Jose (aka keith)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    To spaz81 and westozfun,thank you for your opinions on my integrity, I am sure that the women and couples that I have spoken too would be quick to disagree, but this post is not about what you think of me, rather it is (or was ) intended as advice for those considering cheating on their partners...I found an interesting article which i will put up as a separate post, but let me tell u...if i had an axe on that fateful day, this would have been an entirely different story...wishing u both a great dayJoseQuoting 'spaz81'  full of  it  if  u  have  been   burnt by a  cheater  you arent  about  to give  ppl  tips  on how  to  do it   tipping  YOU  were  the   cheater  and  picked up a new  habit  of  compulsive  lieing ????? wow   really

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    you only see what you want to

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