M53
So... what's the most interesting, amusing, sexy or silly thing anyone has said to your before, during or after sex?
June 27 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Haha, there's a terrible song called "Bitches Ain't Shit" by the rapper Dr Dre. It's lyrically dumb as well as shockingly sexist. So Ben Folds did a tongue-in-cheek piano cover of it to showcase said lyrics. It's on You Tube if anyone's interested. I really like the Ben Folds version. A little too much actually. A former gf was horrified at the line: "I once had a bitch named Mandy-May, I used to be up in them guts, like, every day." So we joked about that line and once I said it to her in my "sexy voice", "I'm up in them guts" and she burst out laughing. The song also has the line "tighter than these muthafuckin' gangster beats" which has also come in handy.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Er um Halo, right, I think I will file that under silly. But that's kinda funny, it reminds me of 'get in my belly' (and you're thinking via your vagina?) ....
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'jedinite2' Er um Halo, right, I think I will file that under silly. But that's kinda funny, it reminds me of 'get in my belly' (and you're thinking via your vagina?) .... Up in them guts. Get in mah belly! Bwahaha. Thanks for replying, I just got to laugh all over again.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I had a guy come up to me and ask "what good is a hug?" Thinking he had some smart comment to make I played along with "yeah I don't know, what good is a hug?" Reply: "Well...... a good hug turns into a kiss. A good kiss turns into a lick. A good lick turns into a suck. And a good suck turns into a fuck. Hopefully a good one. So how about a hug?" Bonus points for being original (well I hadn't heard it before). lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
I was with a woman once who in the heat of the moment said " fuck me backwards! ". I burst out laughing for a while then said i would be happy to oblige if she could explain exactly how i do that. Turned out she just meant doggy.lol (Mr)
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RHP User
15 years ago
OK the backwards thing would have had me reaching for a text book to see if I had missed something. I have a friend who confessed that she "does a great cross eyed BJ" - it turns out she does!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
BWAHAHA. I'm going to remember that one.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I had decided at the wise old age of @*#teen (never mind the number, it doesn't matter) that the best way to go about "loosing it" was to avoid anything emotional, anything i would look back on with regret sooooo...i decided to finds me a man to do the job. Of i went with my best friend and sure as eggs, within a very short time two strapping young 18 year old footballer types (broad shoulders, neck optional, thighs like tree trunks) walked out in front of us from an adjoining pathway. Well i sized up which would be the better prospect, from behind and thought "right, it's now or never...i'll take ....mmm....him" So i wolf whistled at the boys (all class me) and they did a u-turn and came back to us. I was straight forward as always and explained to young/dumb and full of..... anyhoo.....my lovely boy was of course more than happy to erm....fill the position and so i dragged him down to the beach and lept on top of him and kissed him. He seemed keen and rolled me over and with me under him and with the most serious lustful face he could manage (please don't be serious with me unless you're proposing marriage or are saying somethiing along the lines of "on your knees please miss") he said "Do you want me?" Ok so i was very young and anyone who knows me knows that i am not a serious person, i love a good giggle and a bit of fun. Well ashamed to say it but i burst out laughing! The look on his face was so "lothario" so serious and "ridge forrester" eeep!!!!! I couldn't help myself. The older me would be thinking, "ok babes, i bought you here to fuck me, of course i WANT you!" Oh dear, anyway.......on we went, everything worked out as well as a teenaged thing on the beach can when you know NOTHING about sex except what you've seen on the farm and it's a giggle now. Well part giggle and part cringe. Poor boy. He musn't have been too scarred, he following me around for the rest of the weekend. Bless he was adorable.
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RHP User
15 years ago
No really I do...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Get on the snake?
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RHP User
15 years ago
I had been going out with my then boyfriend for about a year..God we had a GREAT sex life..anyway.. He lived with 3 other guys.. One night during one of our marathon romps(where you break for quartered oranges at half time) I went downstairs to get a 15litre drink of water,and i had earned it!!! The guys said to me '' youre loud when you orgasm,do you think you could bite on a pillow or something?'' To which i responded ''if i want to hollar like zena warrior princess,calling gabriella,the horse,and hercules get used to it'' This conversation went on for a good 5 minutes,(boyfriend upstairs in bed,oblivious to it all)(also of NZ origin) Until finally reaching a compromise,It was agreed (for a $20 fee) that during orgasm i would bleet like a sheep!! because it would be both challenging and mildly amusing.. FAST FORWARD 20 MINUTES.... I got halfway through my orgasm and up to my third bleet....(alot easier said than done,try it sometime ladies) baaaaah baaaaaaah ba............... NOW.. my bf had the moves,but he kicked me out of his room that QUICK,that it could not be seen by the naked eye.. he did NOT see the humour in it.. MEAN WHILE... I am standing outside his bedroom door butt naked,with his house mates pissing themselves laughing,rolling around on the floor..trying to hand me the $20... My bf was sceeching at me,from behind the slammed door,refusing to give me my clothes,and calling me every name under the sun.. His housemates stopped laughing long enough to give me some clothes,and to try and help calm him down.. which didnt work.. AND IT COST ME THE $20 TO CAB IT HOME.............. BLEETING LIKE A SHEEP IN THE SACK WITH A KIWI...... PRICELESS..
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RHP User
15 years ago
I had been going out with my then boyfriend for about a year..God we had a GREAT sex life..anyway.. He lived with 3 other guys.. One night during one of our marathon romps(where you break for quartered oranges at half time) I went downstairs to get a 15litre drink of water,and i had earned it!!! The guys said to me '' youre loud when you orgasm,do you think you could bite on a pillow or something?'' To which i responded ''if i want to hollar like zena warrior princess,calling gabriella,the horse,and hercules get used to it'' This conversation went on for a good 5 minutes,(boyfriend upstairs in bed,oblivious to it all)(also of NZ origin) Until finally reaching a compromise,It was agreed (for a $20 fee) that during orgasm i would bleet like a sheep!! because it would be both challenging and mildly amusing.. FAST FORWARD 20 MINUTES.... I got halfway through my orgasm and up to my third bleet....(alot easier said than done,try it sometime ladies) baaaaah baaaaaaah ba............... NOW.. my bf had the moves,but he kicked me out of his room that QUICK,that it could not be seen by the naked eye.. he did NOT see the humour in it.. MEAN WHILE... I am standing outside his bedroom door butt naked,with his house mates pissing themselves laughing,rolling around on the floor..trying to hand me the $20... My bf was sceeching at me,from behind the slammed door,refusing to give me my clothes,and calling me every name under the sun.. His housemates stopped laughing long enough to give me some clothes,and to try and help calm him down.. which didnt work.. AND IT COST ME THE $20 TO CAB IT HOME.............. BLEETING LIKE A SHEEP IN THE SACK WITH A KIWI...... PRICELESS..
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well, well, animal noises is there no end to your talent? If you hadn't spent the $20.00 on the cab ride would you have felt obliged to buy some ugg boots?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Definitely amusing.
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RHP User
15 years ago
When I left my marriage, I shed 25 kg to get fit for the singles life. The very first woman I slept with was a co-contractor on a project, so we were both staying out of town. She was very hot and 22 and I was 43. (What a dreamy start to singledom... :-) The next morning she told me that I had the biggest underpants of any guy she'd ever slept with. It truly was time for a serious overhaul of my delicates drawer...Trust me girls! It's rectified! I gave them all to the Salvos - I think they sent them to the Sudan to have them made into tents for refugees...
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RHP User
15 years ago
SNowshoe, I think thats the funniest thing you've ever posted I really did LOL then. Yeah a long time out of the game we tend to forget to cover ALL the bases huh? gold don't forget to update the Reg Grundies. . Lusivious I loved that too bloody funny
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'D_G_T' SNowshoe, I think thats the funniest thing you've ever posted I really did LOL then. Yeah a long time out of the game we tend to forget to cover ALL the bases huh?I'd been cycling through wardrobe changes for months as I got smaller, but for some reason it had escaped my attention that at some point, someone would see my undies. Go figure, eh?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes, as the last thing a woman looks at before she sees you naked, it's going to have a lasting effect best you keep them all spiffy in the future
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RHP User
15 years ago
I can't really recall anything thats stick in my mind as being so sexy (as in words) maybe more actions than words, and probably just things I find especially sensual and very very nice, you know...like sharing a finger or two . I've had a couple of funny times as Ive mentioned in a previous thread, laughing while giving head and making a cough/choke/splutter/raspberry noise and one time disappearing off the side of the bed while pulling my best porn moves (so I thought LOL) but other than that it's been pretty normal kind of goings on. Gawd that sounds boring doesn't it good
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RHP User
15 years ago
He said to me mid-boink....... "So you think you know me, I'm not a stranger, hmm....... so what's my name then?" Made me stop that's for sure... What?? xxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Oh dear girlie, I've just woken the cat up with my loling and giggling. Truly, that's got to be the funniest sex story I've ever heard. Well done you for keeping the money in mind at a time when normally one's brain is going to mush. Lol VB
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RHP User
15 years ago
This is something I said once....Bit of background - I was having some trouble in the downstairs department. L'il me worked fine bareback, but put a raincoat on and he sometimes decided he didn't want to play...anyhow, after a couple of nights of not getting any joy, I finally got through to the end game. I was so relieved that right after the vinegar stroke, I yelled "Yes, it works!!" whereupon my partner (and me) both collapsed into hysterical laughter.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I had to dig deep into the volt for this one, so here goes nothing......I met a friend for a swim at Spring Hill Baths (a historic old school indoor pool in Brisbane.) So we were swiming happily along and discussing the weird signage around the pool and getting a little up close and personal underwater. For those of you not familiar with the set up the changerooms are cubicals that are not gender specified.... so after a swim and some mutual underwater groping a few of the lap swimers were starting to make tracks and there were just 4 lap swimers left. I said to my friend, if we get down to 2 lap swimers then it's time to get changed. She seemed happy to follow..... so into the changerooms we went and one thing led to another and before I knew it I was checking her tonsils with the only equipment on hand ..... when around 30 school kids arrived for there swiming lessons.... she stopped and looked up at me laughing and said "This has got to be the strangest BJ soundtrack of all time." anyway the fun and games continued until the vital moment when I firmly declared "THE SIGN OUT THERE SAYS NO SPITTING " - We both burst into laughter... and I promised to tell the girls on the front desk that I had seen an attractive brunette spitting near the deep end of the pool.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Haha, awesome Jedinite2. And a Brisbane story! Reprazent! I'll have a chuckle every time I go past the Spring Hill Baths...
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RHP User
15 years ago
years ago when I was just beginning taking my girl out, she was being chatted up by this guy who was so full of himself as well as booze, I was at the bar buying drinks and he was laying all his best lines on her.He out with it said "Well Baby how would you like to sit on my face?" To which she replied " Why is your tongue bigger than your dick?" I dropped the drinks and he slithered off with his mates pissing themselves laughing at his expense! Dont think he has had an erection since!!!!!
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