F47
Singles at Parties with Couples
March 26 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
So much to consider! I feel your pain. No answers though. Never got around to going to one when I was in an open marriage, although I think we'd both have been pretty pleased to have been approached by a single girl, especially one like your good self LOL. . But the thought of doing it as a single girl is very intimidating and now, having read your post, I'm quite sure I'd have wussed out and left too! Suddenly Saturday night on the lounge with a rock hard block of chocolate and a hot steamy coffee is looking like a great option for this little wuss
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RHP User
15 years ago
All these rules you are making for yerself.. it's a millstone around your neck!Just don't ask.... save the notepad and address book for your day job... and then root whoever the hell you would like to, as if they are all there just to please you.... that's right... don't wory about anyone else! .... if they don't do it for you .. just say "next"... and make sure you get your jollies or it's not worth attending ...when you're spent... you can go home! How hard can it be?HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Curiousnewgirl - You just have to assume that married people attending without their partner are there with their partners consent. Okay so maybe that is rationalising but what do you do. Run around asking them all are you a cheating bastard? For a swingers / sex party you can not really have those sorts of rules. As for being a single girl at these events - I should think you would be very popular! If it was me I would wait for the couples to approach me - I am sure it wouldn't take long. Just go with it and don't worry about rules & why they are doing it. If they don't want to do something I am sure they will tell you.Gawd - what I am trying to say is, what Stalky said "and then root whoever the hell you would like to, as if they are all there just to please you.... that's right... don't wory about anyone else! .... if they don't do it for you .. just say "next"..." xxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting Curiousnewgirl "Is it usually safe to assume that if someone comes up to me on their own and starts chatting to me that (if they're attached) they know what their 'rules' are/should i ask them if they're attached and if I need their wife's permission or do I just have a little faith that they'll tell me if there's a rule like that and just let the night lead wherever it takes me?"Yes it is safe for you to assume that they know what their rules are. Don't ask them if they have their wife's permission. Just go with it.After all you are there to get all hot and sweaty with someone(s) not vetting a potential partner!!!!!xxMeeks
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' All these rules you are making for yerself.. it's a millstone around your neck!Just don't ask.... save the notepad and address book for your day job... and then root whoever the hell you would like to, as if they are all there just to please you.... that's right... don't worry about anyone else! .... if they don't do it for you .. just say "next"... and make sure you get your jollies or it's not worth attending ...when you're spent... you can go home! How hard can it be?HugsStalky I'm tryin'! This is a step on the path to enlightenment but i gotta find a way to short-circuit the brain in these situations. Tell me about your first party, mister been-there-done-it-all! xx Sarah (sits cross legged at the foot of Stalkys chair patiently awaiting storytime)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Quoting Curiousnewgirl "Is it usually safe to assume that if someone comes up to me on their own and starts chatting to me that (if they're attached) they know what their 'rules' are/should i ask them if they're attached and if I need their wife's permission or do I just have a little faith that they'll tell me if there's a rule like that and just let the night lead wherever it takes me?"Yes it is safe for you to assume that they know what their rules are. Don't ask them if they have their wife's permission. Just go with it.After all you are there to get all hot and sweaty with someone(s) not vetting a potential partner!!!!!xxMeeks It's not so much that i want to be all "tell me all the ins and outs of your arrangement and I shall judge thee worthy", it's also the natural curiousity too.. this shit's fascinating to me. Plus the awful fear of unknowingly committing a faux-pas through my own ignorance. . and I'm NEVER vetting a potential partner xx Sarah A-1 Certified Committophobe
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RHP User
15 years ago
I understand the fascination with it all. I have it too. That is why I love these forums so much. Reading how other people think and how they conduct their relationships, etc has been a real eye opener. As for sitting at Stalky's feet - I think alot of us do that don't we?? He is like the Forum master. heheheSarah,why don't you come up to Sydney and maybe we can convince Stalky to take us to some parties and teach us the ins and outs. I am sure it would be LOTS of hot sweaty fun. xxxMeeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
ooooh, i wanna go to one of those ones where you get your kit off as soon as you get in the door!!! What an icebreaker! . xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
You went to a couples party as a lucky single girl to be invited yet you were turned off by the married/attached men?? . Why did you go if you have an issue with married/atteched men??? / Were there many couples (not just the attached male but female of the partnership) there also??? / Or am I just confused as to the type of party you attended??? / Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
I want to know where these parties are in Sydney...If I can find one I might head there next weekend... :-) And Curiousnewgirl, if I meet anyone like you we can have a good old chat and no sex.... Or if you prefer....! ! ! ! !
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' You went to a couples party as a lucky single girl to be invited yet you were turned off by the married/attached men?? . Why did you go if you have an issue with married/atteched men??? / Were there many couples (not just the attached male but female of the partnership) there also??? / Or am I just confused as to the type of party you attended??? / Kisses Focus it was mainly couples, some single men and some single girls. I went because i really thought that it I would get there and it wouldn't be an issue for me because it was a party environment so i talked it thru with my friend (another single girl) and was able to rationalise it and give myself the OK to just get in and play. . but then i couldn't make the brain do that 'ooohh' thing that it does when you see a possibility. the married men weren't a turn off, they just weren't registering in the 'possibility' section of the brain and the wives were intimidating and i didn't want to do the wrong thing by just playing with the single guys cos they were the ones that were registering and i got all self-conscious cos i didn't really know exactly what to do. Help me?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Our first thought would be the type of party, was it 'advertised' as a couples only, couples and selected singles, or just a sex party?Asking as the type of party would have an impact on expectations of those attending and also the comfort level.But, as a couple who attend such parties (be they sex or swingers) we do not attend parties expecting that singles who attend 'must' hit on us as the parties we go to carry no obligation on anyone attending to do anything they may not. In short, just because you have attended does not mean that you must play with anyone, be they married, single or somewhere in between.However at the same time you need to set your rules and follow them whilst at the same time assessing why you attended these parties. If you attend for sex and fun, then play with whomever takes your fancy be they single, married, a couple, or multiples of all three as experiences are fun and there to be had.Basically, you are at the party to have fun so do what feels right and do not feel obligated to do something you have issues with.Shell and Gaz
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RHP User
15 years ago
at any kind of party along those lines - everyone is there to have fun regardless of marital status...if a couple were sitting on opposite sides of the room, chatting to others, playing with others, and you had an attraction to the male of couple...without asking would you kow he is in a relationship???? Are you going to ask all potential partners - are you in arelationship just as you are going to get dirty???? . It can be confronting for your first party not knowing the 'rules'...but take it slowly...sit back...relax...watch...respect others...and say no if you dont feel comfortable with something....simple really . its only going to become an issue to you if you make it one for yourself.... . Enjoy yourself and rememebr many women who play with their partners at parties enjoy seeing their husbands/partners getting hit on by other women and playing with them...seeing them enjoy themselves...consider yourself helping these people to fulfill their own sexual fantasies while they help fulfill your own. . Kisses Focus
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DonnaBrett
15 years ago
Sarah, The party was advertised as couples & some singles. Generally couples (well 99% of them) are happy to play with single girls as a couple or maybe individually. If you're just wanting to play with unattached guys then mainly couples parties are the wrong place to look? When we spoke to you that night it was obvious you were a bit nervous or unsure and we wanted to talk more a little later but you guys had vanished! You should have given it longer.Most people at those parties are friendly and happy to talk to anyone, sometimes there can be a little clique with some folk but not as bad as what can happen in clubs. Maybe if you want to explore playing with couples and/or group sex you should register to attend some of the smaller private parties with a max of 10 couples or so. Ice is broken easier & if the hosts are doing their job correctly everyone is introduced, that takes away some of the nervousness.Good Luck
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Donna_Brett'Sarah, The party was advertised as couples & some singles. Generally couples (well 99% of them) are happy to play with single girls as a couple or maybe individually. If you're just wanting to play with unattached guys then mainly couples parties are the wrong place to look? When we spoke to you that night it was obvious you were a bit nervous or unsure and we wanted to talk more a little later but you guys had vanished! You should have given it longer.Most people at those parties are friendly and happy to talk to anyone, sometimes there can be a little clique with some folk but not as bad as what can happen in clubs. Maybe if you want to explore playing with couples and/or group sex you should register to attend some of the smaller private parties with a max of 10 couples or so. Ice is broken easier & if the hosts are doing their job correctly everyone is introduced, that takes away some of the nervousness.Good Luck you two and the hosts and the other few people we did talk to were really lovely and friendly, and yes definitely should have given it longer. might try thinking about it some more before trying again and also see if staying long enough (and maybe a wine or two) and chatting more can fool the 'off limits' switch in the brain into 'free play' mode. xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes what Brett said.. everyone is different..some only play with couples/singles/married/man/women/bi etc... we just chat to many and see whos on our wavelength (and who we both like) :> sometimes we get offers that arnt what we are looking for and all you can do is say "thanks but i might keep looking " or something. No ones going to get all shitty , they just keep looking too. As we have limited time to play, we dont want to waste it lining up 3 or 4 coffee meets in 1 weekend . So the partys are great to meet lots of couples and some singles ...all at 1 time. Bernie
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78'Tell me about your first party xx Sarah I've been sitting here for ten minutes and I am seriously struggling to remember my first party. I don't think it was much fun because I have obviously subconsciously wiped it from the memory banks. I don't even remember when it was. I do however, remember going into one particular venue for the first time.. I didn't really know what to expect there.... and it was very dark so I could hardly see a thing.... I found myself wandering around in there rushing passed other people... noticing them but not recognising the flirty signs... feeling too shy to confront anyone.... feeling very out of place... not knowing if other people had come together or as singles and where I would fit into the scheme... or whether I should just bluster on up and try to get involved. Ultimately one of the staff knocked off work and took my hand and off to a private spot... I appreciate that was a little unusual in itself but that, as they say was that.Which reminds me that good parties have good hosts. Some parties have several hosts who's job it is to make people feel welcome and comfortable.... to take people who feel out of place and somehow make them feel like they belong there and if they do actually belong there, wicked sinful lusty fuckers all and one..... that they find comfort in the company of like minded people. Not everyone fits in to every crowd of dirty fuckers, that's for sure. And with guys in particular, performance can be an issue, at least at first.. as the chemical reaction from the anxt of semi public sexual exhibition blocks the good chemicals coming from desire required to remain stiff... that seems really typical of guys put into new situations. Most of us will be nodding our heads in agreement, and that phase passes quickly I think.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
If its a couples and singles party and is advertised as such, no problems, we dont have a problem with that. We have only voiced our objection when its a couples / swingers party, we arrive and find singles. You bet we ask the question now. You will be welcomed due to the high percentage swinging couples with Bi ladies, therefore you are going to be sort after by both members of the couple. If the female has a issue with you and her man, that couple should have said no before you joined them. We see your best plan is to wait for a couple to invite you to play, for example if a single approached us we may decline and say we only play couple to couple. We sence you are a little unsure/ shy, that way your feelings are not being hurt if they say no and anyways you are not going to be left without playing gauranteed for very long.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi, I've been to a few parties as a single girl, and here are my anwers to your questions. -Is it impolite to be a single girl at a mainly-couples party and not hit on the married men or should I just not go? No, it is not impolite to be a single girl and not hit on the married men. You go there for you, and not anyone else. -Do I go and just focus on the couples that i'm interested in as a couple and angle for 3somes? You could always just focus on whoever takes your fancy, no matter what their 'status' (obviously respectfully of the other partner if they are a couple). . - Is it usually safe to assume that if someone comes up to me on their own and starts chatting to me that (if they're attached) they know what their 'rules' are/should i ask them if they're attached and if I need their wife's permission or do I just have a little faith that they'll tell me if there's a rule like that and just let the night lead wherever it takes me? . I never assume that the person who approaches you knows/is sticking to their 'rules'. The first party I went to, a married guy came up to me and I assumed it must have been ok with his wife. It wasn't. Their main rule was no single girls for him, and no single guys for her. My first party lesson learned. NEVER ASSUME. Absolutely, I would be checking with the partner first. The wife of this guy and I had a big chat right there and then (bit of a party dampner I tell you), and she flat out told me I should have checked with her first. Second lesson, ALWAYS CHECK WITH THE PARTNER... lol... On the other hand, at a different party I was hit up by a guy in a relationship and I went and asked his girl if it was ok, and she couldn't have given a crap who he partied with that night, but I felt good in the knowlege I had asked. Ask as many questions as you like, I reckon, it's you that needs to feel the most comfortable in your choices. - If there's a huge cluster of couples chatting should i approach them and risk offending the ones that are only there to play with other couples or just linger on the fringe looking 'obviously single' lol Yes, you should approach and be yourself and give a fuck if some precious couple is offended that a 'single' girl dare try and interact with them. Any couple in a sane, grown up, secure and trusting relationship will not mind a single girl interacting with the group. . - Does anyone else get all "NEXT!!" when they see event after event for couples and single girls that has "NO SINGLE GUYS!!" ? Absolutely. Sometimes I won't even bother going. I'm not into girls so much, and usually I have found the couples want alot of girl on girl play... I too am interested in that party environment, and love that all in group situation where women roll past you and it's all good, but sometimes you just don't want to have to play with the girl to get with the guy.... Anyway, these are just my opinions based on my experiences, and as you know, you have to do what works for you :) Good luck, xxS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sezzza...Maybe you need to 'do' a few couples outside of parties so you can understand the dynamic of an open relationship. Then it will probably be easier for you to seek out your attached prey at parties. . But not in Rockingham - have some class lol. . Jeanza.
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x2ForU
15 years ago
our parties cater for all swingers....couples, single ladies and single gents..... we get mostly couples attend and only a handful of single ladies and single men.... but i invite the men for the single ladies and also couples that like to play with single men...i think you just need to speak to people and socialise without any expectations... just go along, have fun mingling and see where it takes you...best of luckshelly x
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RHP User
15 years ago
Just always remember if you approach some one they always have the option to say NO as do you and every one at parties respects the word NO
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'goodguy2307'Just always remember if you approach some one they always have the option to say NO as do you and every one at parties respects the word NO Not allways, Mrs has had to say No 3 times to a Male she did not want sex on the table in front of everyone, after enjoying the evening being active in activities you would expect at a swingers party . It took her Husband and Host to say No for it to sink in to that male. We left immedately . If he had his wife there we wonder!
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