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RHP

RHP User

M56

Single-parenthood..

February 11 2011

I was out shopping with my youngest daughter today, and when I reached the checkout, the lady asked me how come I was babysitting. I told her I wasn't babysitting, and that my kids live with me, whereupon she looked at me and said "You're a hero."I tend to hear a lot of comments of that nature when people find out that I look after 3 kids on my own, and whilst they're appreciated, I don't feel that I deserve them - I'm just a dad doing my job, and no different to anybody else with kids. I get the feeling it's not because I'm a single parent, but rather that I'm a single dad and therefore - unusual - for want of a better word.Do any other single parents in RHP-land experience this?

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    plenty of us here . its just life be a good father and the rest means ZERO

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    i get..."your not worth shit cause your a single parent" must be the dick thing roxxy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    That's an example of sexism at work ! For some reasons women tend to believe that men are amazing creatures if they can look after children all on their own ! It's actually a bit of an insult.... why shouldn't men be able to look after kids ? It's like the person is saying that you are overcoming a disability to look after your own children. Rrrr I'm a single parent too. I also run a business. I change lightglobes, fix the toilet when it leaks and even (heaven forbid) take the rubbish bins out on bin night. Wow... pretty amazing that a woman can do all that and more ! I believe all parents who actively participate in their child's life are amazing ! Cheers, Saturn

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    When I was raising my first two kids (Focus being one of them) there was a definate stigma attached to being a single parent. You were used goods and treated thus. It was hard back then especially being as young as I was and many friendships from couples fell by the wayside as the women were scared you would take thier man. It was commonly thought that single parents would take any man because clearly any man was better than none. It is not so bad the second time around with my little man. I may have it easier than say Roxxy as I do only have the one child and it is so common now with 50% of marriages ending in divorce. BUT...... I am also a foster carer and can have up to seven in care at one time. Currently three girls. People tend to think that is a pretty special thing to do but honestly, you just do what you can. Being a single parent can be incredibly hard especially when the other parent does not or will not contribute any help either financially or any other way. This means that all the decisions are yours and only yours. Now this does have its good points but sometimes...just sometimes it would be nice to have someone else help make all those tough decisions. Yes men are thought of differently than women when it comes to single parenting. It is sexist and it is not fair no. l Not many of us get pregnant with the thought in mind of being a single parent and we all just take it day by day and do the best that we possibly can for our kids. l It takes two to make a baby and a whole community to raise one. l All you guys out there? There is absolutely nothing wrong with raising another man's child. You can feel the same for them as you do for your own. I raised two stepchildren and they are still mine. Just as much as if I had given birth to them myself. l They, and my foster kids, are the children that grew in my heart rather than beneath it.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I really hate the fact that when a man has his own kids he is thought to be "babysitting" You dont babysit your own kids.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'TassieRose' i get..."your not worth shit cause your a single parent" must be the dick thing roxxy Anyone who takes that attitude deserves a slap in the face with a bus.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Miss_Saturn' That's an example of sexism at work ! For some reasons women tend to believe that men are amazing creatures if they can look after children all on their own ! It's actually a bit of an insult.... why shouldn't men be able to look after kids ? It's like the person is saying that you are overcoming a disability to look after your own children. Rrrr I'm a single parent too. I also run a business. I change lightglobes, fix the toilet when it leaks and even (heaven forbid) take the rubbish bins out on bin night. Wow... pretty amazing that a woman can do all that and more ! I believe all parents who actively participate in their child's life are amazing ! Cheers, Saturn But I think you have a good point. It seems to me that you hear a lot more about dead-beat fathers who just bugger off and leave the children with their mothers than you do about those fathers who spend time with their children, and that drives the prevailing attitude....which I think is outdated by around 50 years. I have to admit, I was a little uncomfortable this morning, and responded by telling her I'm not doing any more or less than any other single parent.How many kids do you have, Saturn, if you don't mind my asking?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Or maybe just a little narrow-minded. . I agree with all that Miss Saturn & Fiona Bee has said, (including parenting other people's children) and I genuinely fear ever feeling the way Roxxy does. . I often say that whilst parenting is the best job in the world, it has the shittiest monetary pay and zero possibility of early retirement! . I would like to think I view single dads with the same respect I view single mums with but also with the same respect I give to any parent. I don't identify as a single parent, because we co-parent our children in the best way that we can and I recognise that I am lucky to be in that position. . I'm not disabled either as a matter of fact! I work fulltime, I change lightbulbs, I take the bins out (before it gets dark! Eeek!) but stuffed if I can work out how to fix this leaking bloody toilet! And it's not for want of trying *sigh* . Well done for parenting your children, but I'd respect you just as much if you did it in company as I do because you do it alone

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'fionabee' I really hate the fact that when a man has his own kids he is thought to be "babysitting" You dont babysit your own kids. Quoting 'fionabee' When I was raising my first two kids (Focus being one of them) there was a definate stigma attached to being a single parent. You were used goods and treated thus. It was hard back then especially being as young as I was and many friendships from couples fell by the wayside as the women were scared you would take thier man. It was commonly thought that single parents would take any man because clearly any man was better than none. It is not so bad the second time around with my little man. I may have it easier than say Roxxy as I do only have the one child and it is so common now with 50% of marriages ending in divorce. BUT...... I am also a foster carer and can have up to seven in care at one time. Currently three girls. People tend to think that is a pretty special thing to do but honestly, you just do what you can. Being a single parent can be incredibly hard especially when the other parent does not or will not contribute any help either financially or any other way. This means that all the decisions are yours and only yours. Now this does have its good points but sometimes...just sometimes it would be nice to have someone else help make all those tough decisions. Yes men are thought of differently than women when it comes to single parenting. It is sexist and it is not fair no. l Not many of us get pregnant with the thought in mind of being a single parent and we all just take it day by day and do the best that we possibly can for our kids. l It takes two to make a baby and a whole community to raise one. l All you guys out there? There is absolutely nothing wrong with raising another man's child. You can feel the same for them as you do for your own. I raised two stepchildren and they are still mine. Just as much as if I had given birth to them myself. l They, and my foster kids, are the children that grew in my heart rather than beneath it. It takes two to make a baby and a whole community to raise one. Ain't that the truth SOOOOOOOO True fionabee cheers pips

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  • bondage_reality

    bondage_reality

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' but stuffed if I can work out how to fix this leaking bloody toilet! And it's not for want of trying *sigh* . Google fix leaking toilet and it will point you to some utube videos showing you how

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    How come you don't use the self check-outs? I find them much quicker.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Jean_Girard' How come you don't use the self check-outs? I find them much quicker. Self checkouts? I take forever.HugsStalky

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Jean_Girard' How come you don't use the self check-outs? I find them much quicker. .With 3 kids??? You would find them much quicker, a parent with 3 kids, 2 hands and a trolley load full of shit, would not. It's a logistical thing *shakes her head at these childless, clueless types* . Not to mention the fact that the checkout chick may just be the girl of his dreams, coming in to work each day on the hopeful lookout for her very own hero!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'Jean_Girard' How come you don't use the self check-outs? I find them much quicker. "Daddy, I want to scan this""No, I want to scan it""I said it first!""Daddy, he won't let me scan it!" And there are some really good-lookin' ladies operating the checkouts in my neck of the woods

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'bondage_reality' Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem'but stuffed if I can work out how to fix this leaking bloody toilet! And it's not for want of trying *sigh* . Google fix leaking toilet and it will point you to some utube videos showing you how That seems like such an obvious, yet useful suggestion Mr Bondage, thankyou! To date I had only tried the 5 Step Method (seemingly every night for the last forever!): STEP 1: Stand there at 1.27am, hands on hips, glaring defiantly at it to stop dripping. STEP 2: Suck it up and spend from 1.28am until 1.34am trying to work out how to get the lid off.STEP 3: Stand there for another 3 or 4 minutes at 1.35am tilting my head thoughtfully from side to side, staring into the cistern wondering which bit does what. STEP 4: Sigh loudly, replace the lid and return, defeated to bed, wishing I was sleeping with a plumber. STEP 5: Lay there until approximately 1.49am, listening to the drip, pondering getting up to look for ear plugs and deciding against it on account of most likely sleeping through my alarm, before drifting off to sleep and dreaming fitfully of the water bill arriving.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Quoting 'bondage_reality' Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem'but stuffed if I can work out how to fix this leaking bloody toilet! And it's not for want of trying *sigh* . Google fix leaking toilet and it will point you to some utube videos showing you how That seems like such an obvious, yet useful suggestion Mr Bondage, thankyou! To date I had only tried the 5 Step Method (seemingly every night for the last forever!): STEP 1: Stand there at 1.27am, hands on hips, glaring defiantly at it to stop dripping. STEP 2: Suck it up and spend from 1.28am until 1.34am trying to work out how to get the lid off.STEP 3: Stand there for another 3 or 4 minutes at 1.35am tilting my head thoughtfully from side to side, staring into the cistern wondering which bit does what. STEP 4: Sigh loudly, replace the lid and return, defeated to bed, wishing I was sleeping with a plumber. STEP 5: Lay there until approximately 1.49am, listening to the drip, pondering getting up to look for ear plugs and deciding against it on account of most likely sleeping through my alarm, before drifting off to sleep and dreaming fitfully of the water bill arriving. Plumbing...including toilets...are easy! Chances are it is the seal inside the cistern that needs replacing. If you really cannot stand it...just call a plumber, there are some really cute plumbers. l Try jiggling the flush button, that sometimes works in an emergency

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'fionabee' Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Quoting 'bondage_reality' Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem'but stuffed if I can work out how to fix this leaking bloody toilet! And it's not for want of trying *sigh* . Google fix leaking toilet and it will point you to some utube videos showing you how That seems like such an obvious, yet useful suggestion Mr Bondage, thankyou! To date I had only tried the 5 Step Method (seemingly every night for the last forever!): STEP 1: Stand there at 1.27am, hands on hips, glaring defiantly at it to stop dripping. STEP 2: Suck it up and spend from 1.28am until 1.34am trying to work out how to get the lid off.STEP 3: Stand there for another 3 or 4 minutes at 1.35am tilting my head thoughtfully from side to side, staring into the cistern wondering which bit does what. STEP 4: Sigh loudly, replace the lid and return, defeated to bed, wishing I was sleeping with a plumber. STEP 5: Lay there until approximately 1.49am, listening to the drip, pondering getting up to look for ear plugs and deciding against it on account of most likely sleeping through my alarm, before drifting off to sleep and dreaming fitfully of the water bill arriving. Plumbing...including toilets...are easy! Chances are it is the seal inside the cistern that needs replacing. If you really cannot stand it...just call a plumber, there are some really cute plumbers. l Try jiggling the flush button, that sometimes works in an emergency I've tried jiggling. Doesn't work. Tried replacing the seal. Didn't work. Never done a plumber before ... Might see if he can attend to some other pressing waterworks issues within the house while he's at it. I'm sure there are enough leaky objects around the joint in need of manhandling. Although I don't see that getting me a good night's sleep somehow ... *giggle*

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    As off today I am a single parent

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Quoting 'fionabee'Try jiggling the flush button, that sometimes works in an emergency I've tried jiggling. Doesn't work. Tried replacing the seal. Didn't work. Never done a plumber before ... Might see if he can attend to some other pressing waterworks issues within the house while he's at it. I'm sure there are enough leaky objects around the joint in need of manhandling. Although I don't see that getting me a good night's sleep somehow ... *giggle* If you've already replaced the seal you've done the hardest bit. Now lift the seal off the hole it seats on run your finger round it. Odds are some bit of cruft is stuck to that which is preventing it seating properly and letting water escape past it.If you do have a new seal by the way they often take a week or two to bed in right. A combination of them absorbing some water in their surface and softening and shaping themselves to the surface they seal against.(Way too much fingering holes in this post...) :-P

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I JUST FIXED MY OWN TOILET!!! NOT A PLUMBER IN SIGHT!!! . I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!!!! Thanks bondage_reality for pointing out the obvious and fionabee for pointing me in the direction of the aptly named "flapper valve". . * Doing a little happy dance to the tune of the Pussy Cat Dolls' I Don't Need A Man *

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    Quoting 'spencers1' As of today I am a single parent well don't expect a medal for it. (i'm totally kidding!!....heeheee) . My ex-husband got praise for spending time with our boys even before we separated, he was a shiftworker and ladies young and old would approach and congratulate him while he was doing the shopping or whatever with the kids in tow. (No wonder he never remembered to get everything on the list, too many distractions!) , I think everyone deserves praise for being an attentive, interested parent, whether single or attached or male or female, if the little c*^!s in my street are anything to go by, it's tough to raise a decent human being these days.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    I'm a single dad and have shared custody (50/50) of my two children for over 7 years now. There was never a point where I wouldn't have have spent every moment I could with my kids and thankfully my ex wife didn't fight me on this which has been all the better for my children (and me).Our kids get one childhood and they deserve both parents in their lives. I agree with curiousnewgirl78, I think anyone who loves and looks after their kids on their own deserve praise. Men though are often looked at as the removed parent and people seem amazed that a man would be able to look after children on their own. I realise that in the past men have been removed and this may have been true, but times are changing for both men and women and we all need to accept and embrace the fact that many men now want to remain a major part of their children's upbringing and lives.Miss_Saturn said it best above...it's more of an insult when people make this type of comment to me (although I don't take it personally)....why shouldn't men be able to look after their children...I love a strong woman who is independent and admire beyond measure a single mother who does everything for her children. But I also admire any man who wants to remain in their children's lives as a primary caregiver and parent. Our children need both parents in their lives and that's a goal we all should be aspiring to.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    15 years ago

    You could of course have just turned the cistern tap off and dumped the water. Funny description though.....made me laugh.Cheers Nev

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