F56
Should I stay or should I go?
November 11 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
I dont think I have it in me to be so cruel as to get up get dressed and leave. Imagine how demoralising and crushing that would be to the guy. I dont think I could even do the "dont call me" line. I would just fake it, get through it and be non committal. Okay okay, I can hear some of you saying it is crueler to let the guy go on thinking he is fantastic in the sack and honesty is always best yadda yadda yadda. It depends on the personality of the guy as well. Is the sex side of things the only aspect that is nt working? Is he open to being trained. Come on girls we all know that very few men out there get it right first time anyway. They all need a little "fine tuning" as we ladies are all different creatures and like different things. What has worked for one may not work for another. There must have been something in the guys favour or it would never have made it to the sex stage. These days I find that I take more time and care in selecting my partners and am rarely dissappointed. Surely everyone is entitled to a second chance.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have to admit I have never done a walk out - but I have been in the odd situation or two were I really wish I just could. Yes it would be pretty awful for the fella I agree. What about some very quick assistance so that he can cum quickly then you cut and run? Surely you have done that before???
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RHP User
15 years ago
So you decide within the first couple of minutes that it's going to be boring and terrible - are you sure that you brought your own A-game? Little wonder it doesn't go well once you've established that mindset!It's the first time you've had sex together so you may not be sure of each boundaries - why not just try to make the most of it? Go crazy - you've got nothing to lose! Get playful and try to draw out his best. If you feel you have to leave, at least don't shoot him down in flames on the way out - it takes two to tango and if the chemistry isn't there, it's not just his fault.
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RHP User
15 years ago
If the guy is going hammer & tongs...putting all effort into it then I would stay the ride...You cant jump off a rollercoaster in the middle. Could get messy ROFL. But if it had kinda pettered out and we were both kinda lieing there lethargic & half hearted then I would make my excuses and go...No sence staying if neither of you is feeling it. Mrs H xx PS of course none of this niceness applies to a hubby. I remember back when I was pregnant I suddenly lost the mood in the click of a fingers. So rolled over said sorry & went to sleep...lol blaming pregnancy hormones...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes I have done that in the past. The ultimate lie! But these days I am with Sweetiepie. Usually I have to travel a fair distance in order to meet someone and I dont get away very often. By the time I chat for a month or two, I have things fairly well sussed out. The only thing that lets me down in the end is the personality thing. No matter how often I chat on line or on the phone, until I am face to face, the true personality does not shine through. It is here that my tender heart gets sucked in too often. Yes I have wanted to cut and run occassionally.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Good question Meeka. Ego's are very fragile things...I would be too scared to say anything then and there just incase the situation turns nasty. I would probably only say something if he contacted me again. Then I would say "I'm sorry but I didn't really feel the connection". I wouldn't be nasty about it though..after all... Everyone is still human and has feelings like the rest. xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Did i cut in run??? Wish I had....instead faked it then left... Honestly am willing to give most guys a second chance - as FionaBee states we are all different afterall and as Snowshoe also says it may not have been my A game either but honestly...if I can see that things just arent going to go again for me (or way too much alcohol would be required for a repeat performance) then I make the nicieties after the fact...I couldnt just cut and run - hey I wouldnt like it if they did that to me would you?? Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
It think the question should be - how would you feel if someone 'cut 'n run' on you. As Snowshoe alluded to, the one you think is dead boring and a terrible lay is probably thinking exactly the same thing about you! Mooka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thought that's what marriage is all about.. You know putting up with boring sex and working things out.. But if it's just a casual hookup let him know just how lame it is and that you've changed your mind then make a run for the door.. There's no need for sympathy sex.. How else will he learn if you don't tell him he sucks?? Spanky xxx
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Iabloke
15 years ago
Some things one does will turn a partner on, to a plus plus bonuses all round. Same manipulations on another will result in all zeros. Some enjoy large, it can pain another out of any enjoyment. To the point of gringing. Just have to quit.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'SWEETIEPIE2010' .............i think it's fairly common to sus out the other person sexually BEFORE you meet them. You may sus out a person sexually and by that I think you mean what they are into , etc But that still doesn't mean that the chemistry will be there once you hit the bedroom. Don't you agree?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hello Boys, Sorry seem to have hit a sore point and I don't think I explained myself very well, got a little carried away last night. This was not meant as an attack on men or saying that pple are bad in bed. It is more about when you get into bed and realise that the chemistry is just not there and I think a lot of women feel this pretty early on in the piece. And although I can't speak for all women, I think that women on the whole if the chemistry is just not there well the sex is terrible / boring, etc. It is just not happening "down there". Don't many ever fell that way? Is that why a man sleeps with women then never calls them again?? Now as Focus says you can find other ways to assist yourself and I am certainly not shy about helpmyself there
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Hello Boys, Sorry seem to have hit a sore point and I don't think I explained myself very well, got a little carried away last night. This was not meant as an attack on men or saying that pple are bad in bed. It is more about when you get into bed and realise that the chemistry is just not there and I think a lot of women feel this pretty early on in the piece. And although I can't speak for all women, I think that women on the whole if the chemistry is just not there well the sex is terrible / boring, etc. It is just not happening "down there". Don't many ever fell that way? Is that why a man sleeps with women then never calls them again?? Now as Focus says you can find other ways to assist yourself and I am certainly not shy about helpmyself there So the other person could be really great and an awesome lover but if it aint happening it aint happening. Do man ever feel like that? They must !
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have never cut and run and I certainly wouldn't say anything nasty to hurt anyones feelings. You are right Mooka I would hate if someone did that to me. But was interested in knowing how the younger RHPers feel about it and if they viewed it the same way. As Spankfreak says why have sympathy sex with a casual lay???
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' I have never cut and run and I certainly wouldn't say anything nasty to hurt anyones feelings. You are right Mooka I would hate if someone did that to me. But was interested in knowing how the younger RHPers feel about it and if they viewed it the same way. As Spankfreak says why have sympathy sex with a casual lay??? Meeka, I never thought you would be that calous and you are right it is interesting to see what the younger generation say on the subject. I am sure that if a guy rolled off Spankfreak and muttered something about boring and walked out we would all hear what an utter arsehole he was (and the rant would be deserved too). Unfortunately RHP does bring out the braggers and everyone it seems has more stanima, is more adventurous than everyone else - studs and studettes all. But I would envisage in reality, this group would be the same as the rest of humanity, complete with all it's failings and inadequacies lol Mooka
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ArtsyLusttty
15 years ago
I was involved with a guy who was in part of open relationship. Over a period of time, I was torn at making decisions to stay with him or leave him. So in the end, I chose to leave him due to several reasons. To do this, I sat down with him and told him upfront and truthfully... Believe me or not, it was not that easy decision and to express myself to him...However, sadly he is not "friends" with me anymore... *shrugs*s3d xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi Meeka, Yeh, I had this guy over one night, and I knew from our first kiss it was going to be a dud root. But off we went to the bedroom, and I thought, no, go for it and see what happens. So I went to town on this guy, pulled out all the stops, yanno, and then came his turn. He didn't take off one piece of my clothing, he kinda tweeked one nipple, then he pulled down my pants and started fucking me, but he lay on top of me like a dead weight and humped me. Oh. My. God. So in my head, I'm having this angel and devil conversation... just ask him nicely to leave.. no, you cant do that!.. just stick it out... no, ask him to leave, you dont have to put up with this.. blah blah... in the end, not long into it, I said to him ... listen, umm.. i dont really think this is working out (gently gently cos you just never know what a guys reaction is going to be) and so he got off me, and then lay on his back spread eagled and closed his eyes and started having a pull. So I was sitting there, just looking at him and I said.. ahhh, listen, do you mind just leaving because this really isnt working out for me. He then proceeded to ask me if he could just finish himself off, and I said no, sorry. And then he asked me if he could use my bathroom to finish himself off and I said no, and he just lay there and KEPT PULLING! So I asked him again to leave, and he said lol.... get this... does it bother you that my eyes are shut while I do this?... cos I really am thinking of you. And I looked at him and said... no, youre not, but thats ok, I would just really like you to leave now. So he got up and started getting dressed and he said to me... you know sometimes when I've been with a girl and I'm driving home, I pull over to the side of the road and cry. And I said... whyyyy? And he said... because I wonder what God would think of me. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I said, errrr I'm not really sure RHP is the place for you. So we got to the front door and I said goodbye and closed the door behind him and once that door was shut, I turned around and LAUGHED SO HARD I had to rest my hands on my knees... ooommmmgggg. Anyway! The moral of this story for me, was, I realised I was of a certain age, and within my own power enough to not put up with a dud root, something that WAS NOT in any way doing it for me. Why should I lie there and cop that??????? There is no reason. A year prior to that, there was no way I would have had the confidence or strength to do that, so I actually felt really good about myself, and it was a big lesson and turning point for lol.... QUALITY CONTROL! xxxSoubi
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' So the other person could be really great and an awesome lover but if it aint happening it aint happening. Do man ever feel like that? They must ! Yes, and your follow-up posts make it obvious that it would be uncharacteristic for you to handle the situation indelicately. All the same, terms like "sympathy sex" imply that a lack of chemistry is the fault of one person or the other - while that may sometimes be the case, it's more likely to be a bit from column A and a bit from column B...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Snowshoe - yes I agree the "fault" is on both sides BUT I don't really think it is a fault at all. Just something that is missing and that is no ones fault.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Soubi - oooh I admit I have kinda of been there as well. It is the ones that want to get in after one or two kisses. What the?? Sorry that is just too fast for me. And what do they do? They start having a PULL instead. Because as it has been explained to me - I just got them so HOT they couldn't help themselves. I love your story though.Yes I think it can be a bit of a dilema - no you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and you are the one that decided to take it that far - but what we are all saying is that we are having sex with pple when we dont really want to or have changed our minds because we don't want them to feel bad. There is something wrong in that - dontcha think???? If you were giving advice to your daughter / sister / girl friend - would you tell them to sleep with the other person in this situation?? xxx Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
No you can't always be friends with people after you break up. I am sure you can understand why but not much you can do about that. xx Meeks
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ArtsyLusttty
15 years ago
After from my experiences,whether you like it or not, my advice is to be up front and say the truth, regardless if one person or both get hurt in the end... s3d :) xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'spankfreak' Thought that's what marriage is all about.. You know putting up with boring sex and working things out.. But if it's just a casual hookup let him know just how lame it is and that you've changed your mind then make a run for the door.. There's no need for sympathy sex.. How else will he learn if you don't tell him he sucks?? Spanky xxx Spanky-that's only marriage with the wrong person...anyone can make mistakes... a great mistake is to continue with something that will never be right... A great marriage involves a lot-however if the sex isn't amazing- WHY would you involve yourself with this person beyond the first disaster? Let alone buy the ring? Endure their family or friends? Have them in your life at all- Is it that you don't have dignity or enough friends? If the chemistry isn't there you're setting yourself up for a life with a friend with no benefits.... At least if the sex is amazing-all your friends will say- "Just another one of her adventures or experiments we've learned to expect over the years" rather than "Dude-seriously-were you high?" Listen...watch...observe how they move and dress...it never fails... I've found if it's someone that spends a lot of time thinking, pondering, considering, reflecting, refining, experimenting and imagining all the possibilities....it's usually intensely physical, metaphysical, sensual and quite blissful on a spiritual level. It's unlikely it's going to be bad-I've only ever found it to be exhausting, satisfying, amazing and quite addictive. Isn't this what you're aiming for in a lover? Why go for standard issue? If you can get all the available features... Don't you do the same at bars, clubs, parties anywhere you may meet someone? Why would you remain with the least interesting and lamest person in the room-ever? It's not about looks as plenty of lookers are completely boring, they stand around with nothing interesting to say, it's far too easy for them and because they're used to the attention with no effort they don't refine their skills any of them...as they figure there'll be another one soon... Merely to be disappointed with their complete lack of anything beyond what you see...big yawn... You only need to ask yourself two questions really about anyone: -How good is it going to be in bed if they make you feel like stabbing yourself in the eye just so you can get away from them in an ambulance when they speak or are near you? -Why would you go to bed with anyone that doesn't makes you feel like tearing their clothes off by the way they move, touch you, kiss you or just the suggestions they offer? As I don't know how you would ever let it get to being in bed, the floor or against the wall with someone before you decided to revoke their boarding pass. You could always get a cramp (although this can even happen with someone great if you're having fun wearing your boots too long) or say you are suddenly nauseous from dinner...or check that phantom "emergency sms" you've suddenly heard on your vibrating phone means you or they have to leave... Always be self-preserving-damaging someone is unnecessary if it can be avoided. I would wait at least until they call if they do...to give them the news. If they do take your fancy but it's just inexperience...or nerves...you could always set them some homework or tasks...that can be fun... However, if you're not into them at all and are not assertive-and it really is not what you really want... Why would you do it? Are you currenly running the local sympathy sex-outreach program? Goodness-if you don't stand up for yourself it could lead to a "sympathy" relationship, then a sympathy marriage with this wrong person that doesn't turn you on-just because you can't say NO! Terrifying....however a lot of people do it as they are weak and are easily led. Leads are good... I like it when they could actually get away-yet choose to sit, stay and beg for more. NymphetamineDrm I'm not going to put the song up I'm just going to tell you to go to youtube and watch the video... It can be like this..all of this...well with a few casting changes, role reversal, big enough budget to recreate your love for the style of Fritz Lang-master of the German expressionist film of the sci fi genre, art deco, rain and pets.... For my non fan, If you do have ADHD, this condition usually makes you hyperfocus or pass completely if disinterested (that's the attention deficit part-not everyone has the Hyperactivity thus ADD)... Therefore your snide response earlier is both illogical and without merit. People with ADHD are creative, intense, enthusiastic, sensitive, kind, generous, misunderstood souls who more likely would lead the parade of pleasure and recruit followers to support with great enthusiasm another's crusade of creativity and courageousness. It is unlikely they would ever, ever steal the joy or light from another's moment or attempt to crush the dreams that live another's heart...as they are the dreamers and the visionaries...forced to live in a world that doesn't allow their kind to breathe or express themselves freely anymore.... as we're now all expected to be living on a timetable and within the ever encroaching restricting lines. Bullies on the other hand, are usually mediocre souls suffering from oppositional defiant disorder a condition (that means you're contrary most often-more or less-just to give people the sh**s) finessed or often misdiagnosed as something else more palatable to placate crestfallen or desperate parents that have run out of patience and hope...at yet another "incident" or arrest when they start to use more than their words to lash out at others. Alternatively, it may just be the case that your court appointed clinician wasn't really paying attention either in the mandatory sessions you attended or in their lectures. Another possibility is they thought- "hell maybe if I give them some speed-maybe they might just become that least bit more interesting, they'll go out clubbing or dancing all night and leave other people the f*** alone." Maybe we should have a section for bullies-instead of wafflers-as there are considerably more of them on this site.... Admin, I suggest that they should not be throwing down gauntlets unless they're prepared to have them and an adequate response thrown back at them....you will note I used no names...
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RHP User
15 years ago
I agree. Sometimes it just isnt there. I had a friend ealier in the year and we spent three months getting to know each other both on line and off. Personality-wise we are great together. Our sense of humour matches so well as do our personalities, likes and dislikes. Sex however is another matter. We just didnt do it for each other. We gave it our best shot and tried more than once, on three separate occassions actually. Fortunatley we are both mature enough to call it quits and remain the best of friends. I have dinner with him when ever I am in in Sydney but we dont play together anymore...we have both moved on.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Getting up in before the meal is finished is just plain rude...okay, so you can leave some on the plate and throw you napkin over it if the food is that bad. Of course, I survived at uni being tactical without too much tact...dine and dash, don't pay the bill. | Just don't get caught at the door.
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RHP User
15 years ago
@Soubi Quoting 'Soubi' Hi Meeka, Yeh, I had this guy over one night, and I knew from our first kiss it was going to be a dud root. But off we went to the bedroom, and I thought, no, go for it and see what happens. So I went to town on this guy, pulled out all the stops, yanno, and then came his turn. He didn't take off one piece of my clothing, he kinda tweeked one nipple, then he pulled down my pants and started fucking me, but he lay on top of me like a dead weight and humped me. Oh. My. God. So in my head, I'm having this angel and devil conversation... just ask him nicely to leave.. no, you cant do that!.. just stick it out... no, ask him to leave, you dont have to put up with this.. blah blah... in the end, not long into it, I said to him ... listen, umm.. i dont really think this is working out (gently gently cos you just never know what a guys reaction is going to be) and so he got off me, and then lay on his back spread eagled and closed his eyes and started having a pull. So I was sitting there, just looking at him and I said.. ahhh, listen, do you mind just leaving because this really isnt working out for me. He then proceeded to ask me if he could just finish himself off, and I said no, sorry. And then he asked me if he could use my bathroom to finish himself off and I said no, and he just lay there and KEPT PULLING! So I asked him again to leave, and he said lol.... get this... does it bother you that my eyes are shut while I do this?... cos I really am thinking of you. And I looked at him and said... no, youre not, but thats ok, I would just really like you to leave now. So he got up and started getting dressed and he said to me... you know sometimes when I've been with a girl and I'm driving home, I pull over to the side of the road and cry. And I said... whyyyy? And he said... because I wonder what God would think of me. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I said, errrr I'm not really sure RHP is the place for you. So we got to the front door and I said goodbye and closed the door behind him and once that door was shut, I turned around and LAUGHED SO HARD I had to rest my hands on my knees... ooommmmgggg. Anyway! The moral of this story for me, was, I realised I was of a certain age, and within my own power enough to not put up with a dud root, something that WAS NOT in any way doing it for me. Why should I lie there and cop that??????? There is no reason. A year prior to that, there was no way I would have had the confidence or strength to do that, so I actually felt really good about myself, and it was a big lesson and turning point for lol.... QUALITY CONTROL! xxxSoubiGeeeeez! Did he have no self respect, no dignity? Like how many times did you ask him to leave? It really is remarkable what kind of people are out there. Right attitude for the wrong person. For that instance, definitely anything less would not have been acceptable. Really come on, you know if the chemistry doesn't seem to be there, but there is a very visible effort, you know, you wonder how to handle it but if the guy takes his "bat" out and starts ramming it like a drag car 2 seconds in to kissing, fragile ego or not, somebody's gotta show'em that's not how you treat a lady!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Redi4u - yes it is suprising that men still do that - I mean the wanting to be in after literally one or two kisses. I mean what is up with that? Has no women ever told them that this is not on........... Well REDI4U I like to be REDI2 hahahahaha xxx Meeka
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