Rules of Engagement

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Follow your gut. I mean when a guy turns up for a date with a big plastic zip lock bag, cable ties, a butchers bucket full of cat's entrails, a box of condoms, and a nervous twitch when he talks you can be assured it's going to be SAFE sex as defined in Phys Ed back at high school... but what's your gut saying?? And who knows where you're meeting him and where to begin the search in 24 hours?

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Yes. Some venues are safer than others. For newbies, I'd highly recommend that you attend one of the many clubs... go and watch... and if you feel like joining in, then do so. Private parties can also be fun but you never know what to expect... and meeting private individuals is most risky of all, unless of course you take a strong burly handsome, minder with a sexy butt in speedos. :p The only rule to follow, I think, is that you should never do anything you are not enjoying. Just say no.... or next... hehe... life's too short to suffer for someone else's fun. You should be selfish. Throw away everything you ever learnt about sharing an caring, and fair and doing stuff in return for favours rendered... and simply indulge in your fantasies and desires. Oh... and condoms... and lube. :pHugsStalky

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'Jean_Girard' Follow your gut. I mean when a guy turns up for a date with a big plastic zip lock bag, cable ties, a butchers bucket full of cat's entrails, a box of condoms, and a nervous twitch when he talks you can be assured it's going to be SAFE sex as defined in Phys Ed back at high school... but what's your gut saying?? And who knows where you're meeting him and where to begin the search in 24 hours? I think that would have to be my last day on RHP I am sorta still an L plater RHPr, joined in Oct. I tend to need to chat A LOT to a person before I meet them, to get a feel of their personality and find out a lot about their sex likes and dislikes too (and i learn some new stuff that then makes me curious to want to tr.... so we 'introduce it' at my pace, or vice versa), so I won't be shocked by the errrr fetishes? listed above there... Some people I have chatted to, I honestly really wanted to meet, but my gut just kept on saying a big NO! so as a technique to deal with that, i'd wait a week and chat some more, and generally my gut still says the same thing... I can say the people i have chosen to meet were all just as i expected they'd be from the chatting, photos, info gathering of likes and dislikes. So I think the ‘gut’ method is the way to go! Good luck!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  That is exactly what I wanted to know. It made it all so ...real....for me. Thanks.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Add a safety call. Get a friend to ring you say ten or fifteen minutes into the meet. The friend should have as many details about who and where you are and for a prearranged signal can get help if needed. You get a feel for the guys eventually. PLay safe, be safe

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  If you are referring to the kinkier side of things there are a few rules that everyone should follow to keep things safe, sane and consensual.1. Communication is essential. Do tell your play partner what you like, what you don't like and anything you would like to try. If they are not open to this then don't play. Also debrief when play is over so you can discuss any problems. Never be afraid to say no if it doesn't appeal to you. No means no.2. Only play with a safeword and make sure you and your play partner respect the safeword. If either of you use the safeword or safe gesture all play stops immediately. For some activities you need to be able to trust your play partner. If for any reason ( gut feeling, hunch etc) you don't feel comfortable or if you don't think your safeword will be respected, don't play.I think all the other relevant safety points have been adequately made by the people above.If you are considering being a submissive to anyone there is one comment that I would like to make. Some dominants take the attitude that a submissive has no say in the course of play and just because you submit you should be willing to do whatever the dominant says. This is completely arrogant nonsense and anyone with this attitude should be avoided. Good luck and hope you have fun.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Got to say that was brilliant MS Chilli..a sure way to keep safe. I have played wingman for a lady friend a few times.The deal is she texts me as she arrives at venue, then i will text her after 10 mnutes, then 20 mins, then 30 mins. She has template replies in her phone. she answers using these. One of the messages back is GMO..Get me out.That tells me she isnt comfortable, and wants to leave the situation, I then respond with a phone call, and speak in a loud urgent voice, giving the illusion of an emergency, giving her an excuse to leave. DND means do not disturb..and i have sometimes received themm after the first text at 10 min...That says, she happy comfortable and about to play. You can never be too careful....

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Quoting 'HotSexyChilli' Quoting 'MistressT' If you are referring to the kinkier side of things there are a few rules that everyone should follow to keep things safe, sane and consensual. 1. Communication is essential. Do tell your play partner what you like, what you don't like and anything you would like to try. If they are not open to this then don't play. Also debrief when play is over so you can discuss any problems. Never be afraid to say no if it doesn't appeal to you. No means no. 2. Only play with a safeword and make sure you and your play partner respect the safeword. If either of you use the safeword or safe gesture all play stops immediately. For some activities you need to be able to trust your play partner. If for any reason ( gut feeling, hunch etc) you don't feel comfortable or if you don't think your safeword will be respected, don't play. I think all the other relevant safety points have been adequately made by the people above. If you are considering being a submissive to anyone there is one comment that I would like to make. Some dominants take the attitude that a submissive has no say in the course of play and just because you submit you should be willing to do whatever the dominant says. This is completely arrogant nonsense and anyone with this attitude should be avoided. Good luck and hope you have fun. Awesome advice again MT. I use a safe word but can you please suggest a safe gesture for situations when the sub is gagged, blindfolded and bound??? Sounds to me like your style of dom keeps the sub fully in control. I like that a lot. Chilli xx I have a triple tap on my shoulder that gets used (if my hands are free) or a triple nod (I am an instinctive head shaker - moving from side to side so nodding is out of character)...it works for me and doesnt get confused with instinctive gestures etc... . As always sound advice from the lovely people of the forums . Kisses Focus

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  If you meet on the internet it's easy to back-check just about anything you want. Kind of like playing with Cain and Abel...great fun to have those two looking over your shoulder. | More of an issue for women I believe, albeit I have been stalked and on more than one occassion had the radar lighting up and trust my own instincts implicitly. I have no issues with my own personal safety or security unless I catch that funny feeling that there may be an agenda or somebody is trying to stack the deck before dealing the cards. "Warning, Will Robinson...danger, danger" and I just loved that stupid ass robot on "Lost in Space". | I know, that first part makes no sense unless you know... | ...how to make sense of it all.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Place a ball, marble or something without sharp edges that the sub can drop to indicate they want to stop. Don't use material like a scarf or hanky as they can get caught and don't make a noise. If they are not in a position to drop something or pull a piece of string to knock something over you will need to monitor them closely and often. I sometimes use the traffic light system. I ask the sub to squeeze my finger or nod or grunt when I get to the right colour. Green means go ahead, all is good. Orange means things are ok but don't go any harder. Red means stop this activity. If I get a red I ask if they also want me to stop the session.The sub is only in control inasmuch as they can stop if needed. I like to push boundaries so I have to monitor my subs very carefully.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Delve, explore, immerse youself in the topic of your desires and any rules that arise will be unique to your preference of comfort in the areas of safety and depth of play you find applicable for you at your level of participation. Limit rules, play full on and trust that things you consider issues, will most likely not occur, except in your mind.

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