Relationship advice?
November 23 2024
Comments
Margo_Lover
a month ago
It wasn't break up sex. It was deep, real connection and being completely open with each other about hidden sexual desires for the 1st time sex. Super intense 🔥🔥🔥
The deeper and more open you go with your partner, the better it gets.
Not to say you'll get everything you want sexually with your wife or the other woman, but to truly know someone is intense, and usually erotic 🔥🔥
Seems you also have NRE (New Relationship Energy) with the other woman. Again completely normal reaction to this situation. Intense feelings, and can't stop thinking about her.
None of which spells the end of your marriage. But you have a fine line to walk. Negotiating a situation that works for your wife (primary goal) and may allow for you to have some fun with the other woman. (Secondary goal.)
Whatever the case, take things very, very slowly. Be exceedingly patient, while also being honest. (Though perhaps best not to mention NRE and your feelings about the other woman to either of them at this stage.)
Final tip, the 3 of you getting drunk together with this situation, is probably not a good idea.
- Alex.
midnightrider
a month ago
Thankyou Alex, Very new situation and has turned a few worlds upside down
Andrea_Sydney
a month ago
Oh there’s so much to that situation..!
I personally would not be able to answer without knowing further details:
- How long have you and Mrs been together?
- are you married? Do you have children?
- how long have you known Miss 28? And how much time have you spent together during that time frame?
- is being poly something that’s on the table for all three if you? Or will you have to decide for either of them further down the track?
nightingale8
a month ago
Wife is seeing you in a different light, as someone desired by someone else. Miss 28 is your social proof. Take that as it is 🙂
From the outside at lease, sounds like you’re the one floating the break up idea 🙊midnightrider
a month ago
@Andrea_Sydney Mrs and I are near 7 years together. Unmarried. Me no kids, her 4 adult kids that have accepted me as a step father figure. we have an amazingly strong relationship and are best friends in every sense.
Younger has been in my life about 7 months though for about 6 weeks I maintained distance as I personally felt attracted the first time we met. Since then there have been situations manufactured to create encounters. Not sexual, just hanging out.
We have spent hours, totalling days talking talking at work, far more than would be viewed as appropriate. Regular days consecutively over then last 3 months hanging out at mine, small group of friends and many times just her, Mrs and I, sometimes just us. There were times when Mrs has taken days off so we have not been hanging out alone. This was after discussion with Mrs but prior to the big talk. I can only suspect the plan was for us to be alone.Lunches at bars, with other friends.
Younger and Mrs have had an emotional talk and younger has promised she would not take me away from her. I don't believe a relationship with younger is on the table. At least at this point in her life. Clear signs of interest and advances have been made until we talked about the need for space. I have not seen her since, I have isolated myself at work but that isolation will end in about 2 weeks. As stated, I don't know where I stand with younger now, but if she is true to her word, the agreement to back off was temporary.
teamaj2
a month ago
Midnight , this situation has red flags in regards to your relationship.
Baby steps and be truly careful what you wish for .
Taking what you desire sexually out of the picture , focus on your current partner and think long and hard how life would look without her . Obviously, we all don’t know how strong your love for her is .
I understand totally being attracted to someone else . The desire is strong but think how life will look once stepping over the line without your partners consent and possibly not being with her anymore .
Your current partner seems very understanding. Keep talking to her and really listen to what she has to say . Having the best sex with her in 6 years shows you surely there is much to be lost . Maybe , continue to ignite the flame on the home front and continue on that path . Maybe , it was the same for her . Discuss exploration such as visiting a venue together ( I’m not saying to play with others - baby steps )- just to keep those home fires burning by adding some excitement to your current relationship.
Your feelings for Miss at work seem to have gone beyond lust and I feel it’s dangerous waters if you want to remain with your current partner .
I’m a romantic so maybe my take on this is all wrong .
Good luck Ax
Kokoflamingo
a month ago
Younger promised she "wouldnt take you away from her". How disrespectful to your partner. Some young thing saying, Look, I could have your man but I wont. What will happen is, you will ultimately have sex with Younger, your partner will find out and you could lose her. There is no Hall Pass, and for good reason. You continue stroking your ego and you may end up stroking your dick, as your partner will be gone.
midnightrider
a month ago
@ nightingale8 yes that has been discussed on both sides.
midnightrider
a month ago
@kokoflamingo thank you for your honesty. That kind of sums up how I am feeling, though In the discussions I was a part of, younger was very respectful to Mrs. You, on the other hand have outlined my biggest fear out of this situation. I am determined to not breach the trust of Mrs as that, will be the end of everything great we have built together.
ppiffle3934
a month ago
So many things come to my mind when I read your post. Also a couple of alarm bells.
Firstly, this must be a very confusing time for you, and also for your partner.
You say you are honest with your partner, may I ask, does she know you are on here looking?
It must be very flattering to have a young lady paying you so much attention. It can be extremely exciting, taking over almost every waking moment thinking about her. It can easily go from being a fun distraction to something more serious which could lead to emotions, and heartache for one or more of the three involved.
The fact that you have had honest and open discussions with your partner is excellent, and I hope she has discussed how she feels about you seeing someone else.
I would say after meeting the young lady herself she probably has conflicting concerns as well as the emotions it also brings with the many possibilities of how this will impact your relationship.
On the one hand it opens up the excitement of exploring sexual fantasies and sharing these as a couple in whatever way you both agree on. On the other hand it can raise fears, particularly for your partner on where she stands with you. I sense with you saying after she met the young lady she vetoed a hall pass after seeing the obvious connection between the two of you, that she sees the possibility of your relationship as a couple not surviving. From what you have been saying how you feel about the young lady I would tend to feel it could do this. The young lady may well say she has promised your partner that she would not take you away from her, and she has given you space. However, I think that is not a promise she can make and in a way shows arrogance that she feels she could if she wanted to know, often creating space and distance can make you want her even more.
I speak from having experienced something similar myself, and although I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship with your partner, I have alarm bells ringing, as well as a bit of Deja vu. I have read and thought about your post for the last couple of days now, before deciding to say something.
I am trying to look at it objectively, but obviously my own experience will colour my point of view.
The conflict you must be going through trying to decide what it is you feel not only for your partner but for the young lady. What feelings does the young lady have for you? She approached you although she knew you were in a committed relationship with your partner. What is it she wants from you? I’m sure no new questions as you’ve probably thought about lots yourself including what happens if you do get involved. The impact on your partner etc etc.
In any scenario where a couple decides to explore either as a couple or on their own the relationship needs to be extremely strong, and the priority is each other over anyone else. Honest and open communication is paramount. Without the knowledge of knowing what you have discussed with your partner and vice versa I can only see the pitfalls of such a liaison with the young lady. If a poly situation is not on the cards.
It is not an easy position to be in but only you can decide the way forward. Maybe it has reignited the flame sexually between you and your partner of having the best sex in 6 yrs. sharing has brought you closer. Is it worth the risk of losing the chance to develop what you have with your partner for something you think is exciting for now but may not last?
Others have also shared their thoughts and I see wisdom in their words. Good luck with whatever way it turns out for you
Felicitous
a month ago
Firstly I don't think it was break up sex and agree with others views on that above.
I guess my perspective would be that to gain clarity around your confusion you could ask yourself these simple questions.
1. If you were given an ultimatum... Mrs or Miss ...which one would it be?
2. If you're able to 'open' your relationship.. how would you feel about your Mrs and Miss connecting sexually and emotionally with another at the same time... Because both might.
Also the Miss can stay away.. however if you've already made up your mind and are looking for an exit.. that's rather redundant.
My advice.. separate to your ladies.. you really need to work out what YOU want not just who. Perhaps you are finding a monogamous relationship is not for you.
From there the ladies can decide if they are okay with that or of they choose it's not something that aligns with their wants they can choose to go their own way.
Hence question 1.
Either way advice is wonderful but listening to your heart is more powerful.. maybe there are no right and wrong decisions.. just a serious of decisions taking us closer towards joy and those that take us further from it. Only you can 'feel' which is which.
All the best.
Vmidnightrider
a month ago
@Andrea_Sydney Poly has been discussed with Mrs. Somewhat agreeable to the concept but obviously apprehensive and would take time for us to work out the right boundaries. Thank you for your insight,
midnightrider
a month ago
@ppiffle3934 thank you too for your insight and advice. Yes Mrs does know of this account.
midnightrider
a month ago
@Teamaj2 and @felicitous thank you also for your help and wise words. all of the thoughts here have helped in one way or another.
No_probLlama68
a month ago
It’s certainly an interesting situation, sometimes a change in perspective can help. How would it feel if it was happening the other way around? Would you be happy that your partner was so consumed with a handsome younger man? And how would your view of your relationship change if you thought you had the risk of losing her, or if you thought she wasn’t really interested in you? Or if you thought you were being upgraded/replaced? Is this going to happen every time a handsome man shows interest?
Some (hypothetical) people tend to forget that poly goes both ways and get fixated on only their benefit and are then mortified when their partner also rightly enjoys another partner/s.
Thorough, in-depth conversations are crucial, and knowing yourself is vital. A lot of things may come up that maybe you weren’t aware of.
Well done on what you are doing so far, just keep chewing on it and don’t rush into anything you aren’t completely satisfied with.
gazpacho
21 days ago
I reckon relationships can survive pretty much anything if the people involved want it that way. You already know the answer to your question though. At some point, you need to decide if you want to squirt a bit of cum at your work colleague (and for me that would be a deal breaker, since one or both of you will need to find a new job if things go south), or, be satisfied and happy with yourself for attempting to make the love of your life happy, by doing as she asked of you.
No brainer really. If she changes the game rules, then that young little tart is fair play.
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